Suicide: A Mother's Journey Through Her Child's Pain

by Melanie Balestra

This book is about the insights of a mother after her daughter dies by suicide. The mother thought her daughter Leah was painfully shy at a young age but consistently was told by counselors that her daughter would grow out of it. However, this shyness was a sign of depression at a young age. Leah was a child in a dysfunctional marriage with no love or recognition from her Dad. Her mother believed the only way to help her was to move and leave the marriage multiple times without success. After Leah's death, her mother finds diaries that Leah wrote at various times in her life. It is only at this time that Leah's mother realizes how much alone Leah felt and how she suffered emotionally during most of her life. Leah portrayed one life to others but had no self-esteem or respect for herself. Her lack of belief in herself led to her untimely death by suicide. The book discusses the coping mechanisms that Leah's mother used after her death and how faith helped her realize that God always has a purpose and Leah would want her to go on. The goal of this book is through the insight into Leah's feelings and actions, help parents and others realize signs and symptoms in their child or others of mental illness. Parents do not have to feel alone when working with a child or other person that is mentally ill. There are more and more resources to reach out to in mental health if you believe your child is mentally ill. Start looking when you first have a suspicion. Don't ever give up. Survival through faith in God is possible.

137 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 16, 2020

Reviews

[Renae Richardson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an intensely emotional and unflinching read—one that demands reflection. That impact was particularly strong for me, as many of my own experiences mirror those described through the author’s recounting of her daughter, Leah. There is a great deal to absorb here, and the book offers no refuge from the weight of its subject matter. The pain is present, fully exposed, with nowhere to hide.

The author revisits her daughter’s life from before birth onward, tracing moments, behaviors, and experiences that, when viewed in retrospect, resemble clues—breadcrumbs that now carry added meaning. This retrospective framing is one of the elements that makes the book especially difficult to read. Hindsight sharpens every detail, and the cumulative effect is emotionally heavy.

The work is clearly written with the intention of helping others understand what a path toward such an outcome can look like, with the hope of raising awareness. At the same time, it reads as an act of courage and remembrance—a deeply personal and, no doubt, therapeutic way to honor and give voice to the life of a beloved child. It is difficult to imagine the strength required to place such intimate and painful truths on the page.

For me, the book offered genuine insight. It fostered a sense of connection, prompted self-examination, and encouraged reflection on how my own journey and perceptions may have affected those around me.

This is a book that should be approached with care. For some, it may be triggering, particularly for readers who have endured similar experiences. For others, it may be healing—or at the very least, it may open the door to healing, dialogue, and a deeper awareness of the realities the book confronts.

[Santiago Flores · Rating 4 out of 5]

The power of journals.

The inclusion of her daughter’s private writings transforms this from a memoir into a haunting dialogue between the living and the dead. These entries provide a raw, unvarnished look at a teenager’s internal architecture. Witnessing the disconnect between Leah’s external brilliance and her internal self-loathing is devastating. It offers an invaluable, painful perspective on the complexities of the youthful mind.

[Tara Dodson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bring the tissues

Wow, how could my review possibly do justice to this deep;y heartfelt book. This was such a gripping account, from a grieving mother, of her daughters death. my heart is aching from the devastation that took place here. She has done a wonderful job in conveying such a raw and destitute situation!

[Diana · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book doesn’t sensationalize loss but in fact it sits with it. Reading a mother’s reflections alongside her daughter’s words is devastating, but also deeply human. It made me think differently about the signs we dismiss as phases.

[L Becerra · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good book

This was hard to read, but important. Not because of graphic detail, but because of the emotional honesty. The diaries hit especially hard. It’s a painful reminder of how much can be hidden behind silence and politeness.

[Sarah]

DNF. I just couldn't get into this one. I do find it interesting that the author is both a nurse practitioner and a lawyer. Ambitious.

[Camilo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sincere

A raw, faith-centered journey through unimaginable grief. Even if you don’t share the same beliefs, the author’s struggle to survive after loss feels real and sincere. It’s less about answers and more about endurance.