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Marrow: A Love Story
The author of the 'New York Times' bestseller 'Broken Open' returns with a visceral and profound memoir of two sisters who, in the face of a bone marrow transplant - one the donor and one the recipient - begin a quest for acceptance, authenticity, and most of all, love.
A mesmerizing and courageous memoir: the story of two sisters uncovering the depth of their love through the life-and-death experience of a bone marrow transplant.
Throughout her life, Elizabeth Lesser has sought understanding about what it means to be true to oneself and, at the same time, truly connected to the ones we love. But when her sister Maggie needs a bone marrow transplant to save her life, and Lesser learns that she is the perfect match, she faces a far more immediate and complex question about what it really means to love - honestly, generously, and authentically.
Hoping to give Maggie the best chance possible for a successful transplant, the sisters dig deep into the marrow of their relationship to clear a path to unconditional acceptance. They leave the bone marrow transplant up to the doctors, but take on what Lesser calls a "soul marrow transplant," examining their family history, having difficult conversations, examining old assumptions, and offering forgiveness until all that is left is love for each other’s true selves. Their process - before, during, and after the transplant - encourages them to take risks of authenticity in other aspects their lives.
But life does not follow the storylines we plan for it. Maggie’s body is ultimately too weak to fight the relentless illness. As she and Lesser prepare for the inevitable, they grow ever closer as their shared blood cells become a symbol of the enduring bond they share.
Told with suspense and humor, 'MARROW' is joyous and heartbreaking, incandescent and profound. The story reveals how even our most difficult experiences can offer unexpected spiritual growth. Reflecting on the multifaceted nature of love - love of other, love of self, love of the world - 'MARROW' is an unflinching and beautiful memoir about getting to the very center of ourselves.
RUNNING TIME ⇒ 9hrs. and 42mins.
©2016 Elizabeth Lesser (P)2016 HarperCollins Publishers
A mesmerizing and courageous memoir: the story of two sisters uncovering the depth of their love through the life-and-death experience of a bone marrow transplant.
Throughout her life, Elizabeth Lesser has sought understanding about what it means to be true to oneself and, at the same time, truly connected to the ones we love. But when her sister Maggie needs a bone marrow transplant to save her life, and Lesser learns that she is the perfect match, she faces a far more immediate and complex question about what it really means to love - honestly, generously, and authentically.
Hoping to give Maggie the best chance possible for a successful transplant, the sisters dig deep into the marrow of their relationship to clear a path to unconditional acceptance. They leave the bone marrow transplant up to the doctors, but take on what Lesser calls a "soul marrow transplant," examining their family history, having difficult conversations, examining old assumptions, and offering forgiveness until all that is left is love for each other’s true selves. Their process - before, during, and after the transplant - encourages them to take risks of authenticity in other aspects their lives.
But life does not follow the storylines we plan for it. Maggie’s body is ultimately too weak to fight the relentless illness. As she and Lesser prepare for the inevitable, they grow ever closer as their shared blood cells become a symbol of the enduring bond they share.
Told with suspense and humor, 'MARROW' is joyous and heartbreaking, incandescent and profound. The story reveals how even our most difficult experiences can offer unexpected spiritual growth. Reflecting on the multifaceted nature of love - love of other, love of self, love of the world - 'MARROW' is an unflinching and beautiful memoir about getting to the very center of ourselves.
RUNNING TIME ⇒ 9hrs. and 42mins.
©2016 Elizabeth Lesser (P)2016 HarperCollins Publishers
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First published September 20, 2016
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December 16, 2020
This was a beautiful book. Two adult sisters see a therapist to work through old grudges and assumptions they grew up with as part of a slightly dysfunctional family; they do this because Liz Lesser, the author, was a perfect match to give her sister potentially life-saving bone marrow in a transplant that could save her sister's life from lymphoma, and they don't want anything to stand in the way of success.
More people should go to therapy with their siblings as adults. There are so many assumptions, hurts, misunderstandings that get set in childhood and then stick for the rest of our lives. Why is it so hard for people to talk about the things that really matter? We should all make the effort to learn how to communicate with love; it's really not that hard. Most people don't learn healthy communication from their parents, because their parents didn't know how either. So what's wrong with learning in adulthood, from a therapist?
(I found this book at The Dollar Tree.)
More people should go to therapy with their siblings as adults. There are so many assumptions, hurts, misunderstandings that get set in childhood and then stick for the rest of our lives. Why is it so hard for people to talk about the things that really matter? We should all make the effort to learn how to communicate with love; it's really not that hard. Most people don't learn healthy communication from their parents, because their parents didn't know how either. So what's wrong with learning in adulthood, from a therapist?
(I found this book at The Dollar Tree.)
August 12, 2016
I received an advance readers' edition of this book from HarperCollins.
This memoir explores the connection between the author and her sister Maggie. Maggie, suffering from cancer, receives a bone marrow transfer from her sister Liz. Through the process, the sisters also work on connecting with and accepting one another, sifting through decades of unspoken hurts and misunderstandings that were rooted in their childhood. In addition, this memoir is the author's personal reflection and advice to her readers on the way to discovering your true self and living an authentic life guided by love.
Author Elizabeth Lesser - Liz - grew up the second of four daughters. Although having siblings was a joyful and beautiful experience, being one of four meant that everyone was assigned a specific role within the family: "Without advance agreement, siblings are assigned a role that can brand one for life. Show a tendency in one direction, and that becomes who you have to be all the time [...] It can take a lifetime to escape the narrow boundaries of a fixed family identity" (20). Maggie's illness gave Liz, but also gave all four of the sisters, a chance to reconnect and explore those old hurts. In the process of trying to physically connect with her sister through the bone marrow transplant, Liz attempts to spiritually and emotionally connect with her beyond the hurts and resentments built up over a lifetime.
Although I liked many of the principles that the author uses to guide her life and her approach to the relationships in her life, the focus on what she refers to as "woo-woo voodoo" (184) struck me as cheesy pseudo scientific talk and was hard to buy into. For example, Lesser goes into therapy with her sister in advance of the bone marrow transplant because she wonders if healing old wounds "can affect her body's willingness to accept" the cells (75). I didn't buy into the excessive talk about the value of meditation in order to "relax into the paradoxical, ambiguous, wide-open, unregulated, infinite consciousness that some call God and others do not name at all" (267). Other talk I had trouble swallowing was her own definition of ADD or "authenticity deficit disorder" that she argues holds many people back from living fully. In many ways, this book reads as a self-help book, or a lecture from the author on living your best life, rather than a meditation on her own life to provide an example to her reader.
Although I could not connect with the author over her meditation/chakra/"soul marrow transplant" talk, I did identify with her attempt to connect and heal her relationship with her sister, but also the way she interacts with everyone in her life. I was surprised that her other two sisters figured so little into the story, but the ending of this memoir seems to indicate a deeper level of forgiveness and understanding with them as well. Lesser is clearly a person of deep personal self-reflection and a desire to constantly push herself to a better version of herself.
This memoir explores the connection between the author and her sister Maggie. Maggie, suffering from cancer, receives a bone marrow transfer from her sister Liz. Through the process, the sisters also work on connecting with and accepting one another, sifting through decades of unspoken hurts and misunderstandings that were rooted in their childhood. In addition, this memoir is the author's personal reflection and advice to her readers on the way to discovering your true self and living an authentic life guided by love.
Author Elizabeth Lesser - Liz - grew up the second of four daughters. Although having siblings was a joyful and beautiful experience, being one of four meant that everyone was assigned a specific role within the family: "Without advance agreement, siblings are assigned a role that can brand one for life. Show a tendency in one direction, and that becomes who you have to be all the time [...] It can take a lifetime to escape the narrow boundaries of a fixed family identity" (20). Maggie's illness gave Liz, but also gave all four of the sisters, a chance to reconnect and explore those old hurts. In the process of trying to physically connect with her sister through the bone marrow transplant, Liz attempts to spiritually and emotionally connect with her beyond the hurts and resentments built up over a lifetime.
Although I liked many of the principles that the author uses to guide her life and her approach to the relationships in her life, the focus on what she refers to as "woo-woo voodoo" (184) struck me as cheesy pseudo scientific talk and was hard to buy into. For example, Lesser goes into therapy with her sister in advance of the bone marrow transplant because she wonders if healing old wounds "can affect her body's willingness to accept" the cells (75). I didn't buy into the excessive talk about the value of meditation in order to "relax into the paradoxical, ambiguous, wide-open, unregulated, infinite consciousness that some call God and others do not name at all" (267). Other talk I had trouble swallowing was her own definition of ADD or "authenticity deficit disorder" that she argues holds many people back from living fully. In many ways, this book reads as a self-help book, or a lecture from the author on living your best life, rather than a meditation on her own life to provide an example to her reader.
Although I could not connect with the author over her meditation/chakra/"soul marrow transplant" talk, I did identify with her attempt to connect and heal her relationship with her sister, but also the way she interacts with everyone in her life. I was surprised that her other two sisters figured so little into the story, but the ending of this memoir seems to indicate a deeper level of forgiveness and understanding with them as well. Lesser is clearly a person of deep personal self-reflection and a desire to constantly push herself to a better version of herself.
August 28, 2020
When they were in middle age and Lesser’s younger sister Maggie had a recurrence of her lymphoma, the author was identified as a perfect match to donate bone marrow. She charts the ups and downs of Maggie’s treatment but also goes deep into their family history: parents who rejected the supernatural in reaction to her mother’s Christian Science upbringing; a quartet of sisters who competed for love and attention; and different approaches to life – Maggie was a back-to-the-land Vermont farmer, nurse and botanical artist, while Elizabeth had bucked the trend by moving to New York City and exploring spirituality (she co-founded the Omega Institute, a holistic retreat center).
By including unedited “field notes” Maggie wrote periodically, Lesser recreates the drama and heartache of the cancer journey. She also muses a lot about attempts to repair family relationships through honest conversations and therapy. “Marrow” is not just a literal substance but also a metaphor for getting to the heart of what matters in life. I expect this memoir will be too New Age-y for many readers, but I appreciated its insights and the close sister bonds. I also loved the deckle edge and Maggie’s botanical prints on the endpapers. Recommended to fans of Elizabeth Gilbert and Anne Lamott.
Originally published on my blog, Bookish Beck.
By including unedited “field notes” Maggie wrote periodically, Lesser recreates the drama and heartache of the cancer journey. She also muses a lot about attempts to repair family relationships through honest conversations and therapy. “Marrow” is not just a literal substance but also a metaphor for getting to the heart of what matters in life. I expect this memoir will be too New Age-y for many readers, but I appreciated its insights and the close sister bonds. I also loved the deckle edge and Maggie’s botanical prints on the endpapers. Recommended to fans of Elizabeth Gilbert and Anne Lamott.
Originally published on my blog, Bookish Beck.
January 9, 2018
I don't really have the words to describe how I feel about this book. just beautiful and so many things I will take from this
September 25, 2019
Marrow ⭐️
Maggie has cancer. But the moment she is cancer free she needs bone marrow. Her sisters bone marrow to be precise.
This is a deep love story between sisters and giving everything for one another.
I really enjoyed this but it was sad to read. Losing a sister to whom you share a bond with marrow with realising everything you did just wasnt enough. I cant even imagine.
Maggie has cancer. But the moment she is cancer free she needs bone marrow. Her sisters bone marrow to be precise.
This is a deep love story between sisters and giving everything for one another.
I really enjoyed this but it was sad to read. Losing a sister to whom you share a bond with marrow with realising everything you did just wasnt enough. I cant even imagine.
February 27, 2017
Love story between sisters. Honest, authentic look at family dynamics and the journey alongside one sister who is dying. Elizabeth Lesser is a great writer and this memoir was touching, funny, sad and inspirational.
March 10, 2018
Sometimes I felt like I was reading my own thoughts but through the story of sisters racing against time to love each other and to love themselves. An inspiring memoir.
October 19, 2016
I was really intrigued by the synopsis for this book and decided to try it out. I found Marrow to be both a mix of self-help and memoir. But at its heart it is a beautiful tribute to the author's sister and their relationship. It's always hard to critique someone's writings of their personal experience, though. In the end I loved parts and didn't like others.
My favorite parts of the book were the snippets from Maggie's journal and writings. The peek into her thoughts were compelling and I would have loved to read more. The parts of the book that I tended to skim over were when the book started to feel like a self-help book. Those kind of dragged for me. But, then I'm not really into self help. Of course, this is a hard book to read. Not "hard" as in big words or understanding. Hard as in heartbreaking and bittersweet. Having lost a friend to cancer, I found the book hit close to home. At the same time, it brought up fond memories of my friend and made me glad I got to say goodbye in the end.
I would recommend this book to anyone really. Any reader can find something to connect with in this journey between two sisters. I am glad that the author shared their story with the world.
My favorite parts of the book were the snippets from Maggie's journal and writings. The peek into her thoughts were compelling and I would have loved to read more. The parts of the book that I tended to skim over were when the book started to feel like a self-help book. Those kind of dragged for me. But, then I'm not really into self help. Of course, this is a hard book to read. Not "hard" as in big words or understanding. Hard as in heartbreaking and bittersweet. Having lost a friend to cancer, I found the book hit close to home. At the same time, it brought up fond memories of my friend and made me glad I got to say goodbye in the end.
I would recommend this book to anyone really. Any reader can find something to connect with in this journey between two sisters. I am glad that the author shared their story with the world.
July 16, 2017
This was not at all the book I thought I signed up for. I was expecting a fiction about sister love and cancer. False, I did not read the cover too thoroughly I guess. This was a self help book framed around two sisters and their experience when one of them had cancer and the other, the author, donated her bone marrow to her.
The self help style and language just is not my thing. I should have turned it into a drinking game the number of times "marrow of the soul" came up. I started skimming through or skipping chapters that were purely self help slash Greek mythology quotes and read only the chapters related to Maggie and Liz and their experience. I did appreciate the chapters about their therapist sessions where they learned to listen to eachother and forgive the past. But I wasn't buying into the "soul transplant" thing going on. Overall, I liked reading about the four sisters and growing up and could appreciate the lessons in communication and acceptance; but not enough to warrant the repetitive mantra and endless quotations through this book.
The self help style and language just is not my thing. I should have turned it into a drinking game the number of times "marrow of the soul" came up. I started skimming through or skipping chapters that were purely self help slash Greek mythology quotes and read only the chapters related to Maggie and Liz and their experience. I did appreciate the chapters about their therapist sessions where they learned to listen to eachother and forgive the past. But I wasn't buying into the "soul transplant" thing going on. Overall, I liked reading about the four sisters and growing up and could appreciate the lessons in communication and acceptance; but not enough to warrant the repetitive mantra and endless quotations through this book.
September 10, 2017
This book was not what I was expecting. I was hoping for a story about two sisters but instead it was a lost of self reflection for the author. To be honest, I skimmed some sections as I wanted to be done.
February 25, 2019
Tears tears tears
July 27, 2022
This book reads more as a self-help book than anything, in my opinion. And one that is predominately focused on spirituality. If you do not subscribe to the spiritual world and find it off-putting like I do, then this book certainly will not be for you. It is riddled with non-science and non-sense, some of it so ridiculous I found myself scoffing out loud. The author is clearly intelligent enough to understand complex scientific concepts, yet insists on suggesting that there is some greater connection, that marrow cells can be "willed" to do anything through force of mind, when most likely it it comes down to what the chemical makeup of the body is at the time of donation, and if I were a betting man I'd place my bet on Cortisol being a major factor. Some people may need spirituality in their lives to explain things or provide hope, but it isn't for me.
I've never been one for self-help books, and certainly not one for hero worship. Thus, in the chapters where the author doles out life advice, I felt myself repelled more than anything. Which is likely why the books isn't targeted at me, and I imagine if the author knew me personally they may not even recommend I read it. I mostly read to the end for the narrative sections between Liz and Maggie. But unfortunately, I found myself reading the dialog and thinking "yeah, nobody talks like that" and becoming deeply suspicious that many of the conversations were cut, trimmed, and made quotable for the sake of a deeper meaning. Perhaps the conversations went close to exactly as the author prescribes, but, unfortunately, I wasn't able to personally suspend my disbelief enough to really engage with the sections. I felt for the sisters and was rooting for them the entire time, but couldn't shake the shadow of doubt that pervaded my mind, that I'm only seeing one and a half perspectives throughout this story and the ones I am privy too are highly biased, despite their best attempts to not be. That's not a slight at the author, that's just a fact of humanity.
Despite my negative review, this is entirely my opinion. And in my opinion, I think this book would actually receive great praise from more spiritual readers and those seeking guidance and advice. The book has a great rating on GoodReads for a good reason, it is a touching and compelling story. But, this is my review and for me personally, I did not enjoy the book. That doesn't mean I hate the book, it just means that it wasn't written for me. My rating and review will hopefully indicate to readers of like-mind to me to steer clear of the book, but for those who find themselves on the opposite sides of the spectrum, I think there is a lot of value to be gleaned from it, and you should look to other reviewers to sway you into reading, and ignore my overly stubborn and bitter review.
I've never been one for self-help books, and certainly not one for hero worship. Thus, in the chapters where the author doles out life advice, I felt myself repelled more than anything. Which is likely why the books isn't targeted at me, and I imagine if the author knew me personally they may not even recommend I read it. I mostly read to the end for the narrative sections between Liz and Maggie. But unfortunately, I found myself reading the dialog and thinking "yeah, nobody talks like that" and becoming deeply suspicious that many of the conversations were cut, trimmed, and made quotable for the sake of a deeper meaning. Perhaps the conversations went close to exactly as the author prescribes, but, unfortunately, I wasn't able to personally suspend my disbelief enough to really engage with the sections. I felt for the sisters and was rooting for them the entire time, but couldn't shake the shadow of doubt that pervaded my mind, that I'm only seeing one and a half perspectives throughout this story and the ones I am privy too are highly biased, despite their best attempts to not be. That's not a slight at the author, that's just a fact of humanity.
Despite my negative review, this is entirely my opinion. And in my opinion, I think this book would actually receive great praise from more spiritual readers and those seeking guidance and advice. The book has a great rating on GoodReads for a good reason, it is a touching and compelling story. But, this is my review and for me personally, I did not enjoy the book. That doesn't mean I hate the book, it just means that it wasn't written for me. My rating and review will hopefully indicate to readers of like-mind to me to steer clear of the book, but for those who find themselves on the opposite sides of the spectrum, I think there is a lot of value to be gleaned from it, and you should look to other reviewers to sway you into reading, and ignore my overly stubborn and bitter review.
December 25, 2018
This was an exceptional and incredible book that will stay with me for a long time. It may be due to the deep love, affection and friendship that I have with my sisters. And it may be due to what I consider the perfect amount of spirituality in the content, concepts that make one ponder about life’s true meaning and messages. This was profoundly moving to me.
“To develop kind regard for oneself can become an act of kindness for the world if we turn the light outward as well as inward."
"And isn’t this what all of us must do? Give ourselves to the other, even though we know one day we must part? Give ourselves to this life, even though we know it will end? This is the paradox at the heart of being human. Nothing stays the same; everything will change. And yet the love we long to feel, and the love we were born to give, can only be ours if we abandon ourselves to each moment, each breath, each other. If we wait for the perfect time, the perfect person, the perfected self, we will stay frozen in an idea of love. But if we fearlessly engage with the life spread out before us, we will be rewarded with a heart that can hold it all - happiness and messiness, clarity and confusion, love and loss.”
Eckhart Tolle also says, "Any action is often better than no action...If it is a mistake, at least you learn something, in which case it is no longer a mistake."
"Researchers at the National Science Foundation report that the human brain processes 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day and that a large percentage of those thoughts are negative and repetitive...They are finding that if you can interrupt the stream of repetitious thoughts in your head, you are less likely to contract illness - from a cold to cancer - and more likely to increase levels of concentration, calmness and happiness.”
“To develop kind regard for oneself can become an act of kindness for the world if we turn the light outward as well as inward."
"And isn’t this what all of us must do? Give ourselves to the other, even though we know one day we must part? Give ourselves to this life, even though we know it will end? This is the paradox at the heart of being human. Nothing stays the same; everything will change. And yet the love we long to feel, and the love we were born to give, can only be ours if we abandon ourselves to each moment, each breath, each other. If we wait for the perfect time, the perfect person, the perfected self, we will stay frozen in an idea of love. But if we fearlessly engage with the life spread out before us, we will be rewarded with a heart that can hold it all - happiness and messiness, clarity and confusion, love and loss.”
Eckhart Tolle also says, "Any action is often better than no action...If it is a mistake, at least you learn something, in which case it is no longer a mistake."
"Researchers at the National Science Foundation report that the human brain processes 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day and that a large percentage of those thoughts are negative and repetitive...They are finding that if you can interrupt the stream of repetitious thoughts in your head, you are less likely to contract illness - from a cold to cancer - and more likely to increase levels of concentration, calmness and happiness.”
October 14, 2016
MARROW: A Love Story (HARPER WAVE Books) by Elizabeth Lesser is a mesmerizing and courageous memoir: the story of two sisters uncovering the depth of their love through the life-and-death experience of a bone marrow transplant. Throughout her life, Elizabeth Lesser has sought understanding about what it means to be true to oneself and, at the same time, truly connected to the ones we love. But when her sister Maggie needs a bone marrow transplant to save her life, and Lesser learns she is a perfect match, she faces a far more complex question about what it really means to love.
Hoping to give Maggie the best chance for a successful transplant, the sisters dig deep into the marrow of their relationship to clear a path to unconditional acceptance. They leave the bone marrow transplant up to the doctors, but take on what Lesser calls a “soul marrow transplant,” examining their family history, having difficult conversations, examining the past, digging up old assumptions and finally and offering each other forgiveness until all that is left is exposed true love the other.
It Takes Courage to Love Well.
The takeaway for me after reading MARROW: A Love Story is, life is precious, over, gone, lights out, entirely too quick. We’re here on this earth for a short time and blessed to have people come in and out of our lives during our limited journey. Some may be family members, others friends and acquaintances. But our short time with each one must be embraced. This memoir was a wake-up call for me to stop and value the people near and dear; to stop talking around one another and speak to each other’s hearts. May time for a cup of coffee or an afternoon to get a bite. Love may take courage, but it really shouldn’t be difficult.
Hoping to give Maggie the best chance for a successful transplant, the sisters dig deep into the marrow of their relationship to clear a path to unconditional acceptance. They leave the bone marrow transplant up to the doctors, but take on what Lesser calls a “soul marrow transplant,” examining their family history, having difficult conversations, examining the past, digging up old assumptions and finally and offering each other forgiveness until all that is left is exposed true love the other.
It Takes Courage to Love Well.
The takeaway for me after reading MARROW: A Love Story is, life is precious, over, gone, lights out, entirely too quick. We’re here on this earth for a short time and blessed to have people come in and out of our lives during our limited journey. Some may be family members, others friends and acquaintances. But our short time with each one must be embraced. This memoir was a wake-up call for me to stop and value the people near and dear; to stop talking around one another and speak to each other’s hearts. May time for a cup of coffee or an afternoon to get a bite. Love may take courage, but it really shouldn’t be difficult.
September 21, 2016
I received this book for review from HarperCollins and TLC Book Tours.
Marrow is a memoir about the author’s journey with her sister as her sister battles cancer. It is the story of love between sisters through an experience that is painful and brutal but that also brings them together in ways they never anticipated.
I always catch myself being surprised at how much I loved a memoir after I read it. I think I need to just come to terms with the fact that memoirs are one of my favorite genres to read. Especially when a memoir is written a certain way and teaches me something about life. Those are the best kinds of memoirs and books to read in general.
Marrow is exactly such a book. When I read the description of Marrow, I knew immediately that I wanted to read it. I am the youngest of three sisters and since this book is described as a love story between sisters, that pulled a little at my heartstrings.
This book is indeed a love story and it is a beautiful one. It’s written in this special way that I love memoirs to be written: raw, honest and deeply personal. Scattered throughout the chapters are also snippets from the authors sisters journal that chronicle her inner thoughts throughout her battle with cancer and the deepening of her relationship with her sister. It definitely made me think differently about a few things in life including my relationships , spirituality and it made me want to hug my sisters and never let them go. It was affecting and inspiring, sad and beautiful. It was truly an honor to read this book.
If you love a great memoir read or have sisters, I highly recommend giving this book a read. Five stars!
Marrow is a memoir about the author’s journey with her sister as her sister battles cancer. It is the story of love between sisters through an experience that is painful and brutal but that also brings them together in ways they never anticipated.
I always catch myself being surprised at how much I loved a memoir after I read it. I think I need to just come to terms with the fact that memoirs are one of my favorite genres to read. Especially when a memoir is written a certain way and teaches me something about life. Those are the best kinds of memoirs and books to read in general.
Marrow is exactly such a book. When I read the description of Marrow, I knew immediately that I wanted to read it. I am the youngest of three sisters and since this book is described as a love story between sisters, that pulled a little at my heartstrings.
This book is indeed a love story and it is a beautiful one. It’s written in this special way that I love memoirs to be written: raw, honest and deeply personal. Scattered throughout the chapters are also snippets from the authors sisters journal that chronicle her inner thoughts throughout her battle with cancer and the deepening of her relationship with her sister. It definitely made me think differently about a few things in life including my relationships , spirituality and it made me want to hug my sisters and never let them go. It was affecting and inspiring, sad and beautiful. It was truly an honor to read this book.
If you love a great memoir read or have sisters, I highly recommend giving this book a read. Five stars!
February 16, 2018
While I didn't cognitively love how this book was structured - it felt like an odd combination between memoir and self-help to me - my emotions loved it, especially the last hundred pages. First on the odd combo piece: while the majority was memoir with self-help type stuff woven through, which normally I am fine with, there were a couple of chapters that seemed out of place, like one entire chapter on meditation with little of the overarching story weaving through it. That threw me off a bit. I love self-help. And I love memoir. But the threads between the two weren't seamless in this one for me. However, it tugged at my heart strings. I felt a stirring in my heart more than once, and that counts for a lot. Also there were lots of little golden tidbits here, and a solid reminder that LOVE IS EVERYTHING.
May 28, 2017
Lovely book about two sisters, family, the soul and so much more. Highly recommend it.
June 8, 2017
This book caught my interest because I am a blood cancer survivor who thankfully was able to avoid a bone marrow/stem cell transplant on my road to remission. The experience for every cancer patient is so similar.
This is is a beautiful story of the relationship between two sisters, one dying of cancer and one donating her marrow. I truly enjoyed reading about their relationship, how they went to therapy before transplant, how they found the meaning of a life well lived. Unfortunately for me, that beautiful story was often interrupted with rogue chapters discussing the author's personal philosophies.
This is is a beautiful story of the relationship between two sisters, one dying of cancer and one donating her marrow. I truly enjoyed reading about their relationship, how they went to therapy before transplant, how they found the meaning of a life well lived. Unfortunately for me, that beautiful story was often interrupted with rogue chapters discussing the author's personal philosophies.
February 15, 2021
Felt like this story had potential but wished I had stopped reading when I first lost interest. I wanted to see the sisters story of her struggle with cancer through as those were the best parts but they were few and far between. It felt like the author centered her own story too prominently and was using her sisters battle with cancer as an excuse to ramble about all of her philosophical beliefs and while she had a huge role for in her sisters life it just felt too self centered. There was also a weird body shaming comment about a passing stranger that was completely unnecessary to the story that threw me off even more close to the end.
July 3, 2017
not what I expected
I thought this was a book about two sisters going through a bone marrow transplant. Instead, that was a minor part of the story. Most of the book was a bunch of babbling about meditation and spirituality.
I thought this was a book about two sisters going through a bone marrow transplant. Instead, that was a minor part of the story. Most of the book was a bunch of babbling about meditation and spirituality.
March 15, 2021
I’m in a 5-star rating kind of mood apparently. This book has all the things I love - dying, medicine, spirituality, search for connection and meaning when things seem impossibly hard, living a life that has been distilled down to only the most important things. I dog-eared something every 10 pages or so. The biggest privilege I have in working with dying patients is hearing their wisdom from the perspective of having very little time. This book was like that - a long conversation with people faced with dying. She so eloquently speaks to the experience.
June 14, 2022
3.5 stars! The further I got in this book the more I enjoyed it. It is packed with life lessons in short chapters that make for an easy read. I felt the love that Liz had for Maggie throughout this book and how incredible of a person Maggie was.
January 22, 2019
This book was such a lovely telling of childhood bonds, growing up in adulthood and love!
February 19, 2018
I love books like this, that help my soul find respites and revelations and comfort in this life. Having gone through a traumatic health emergency myself, I related to the inner work that you feel compelled to do in order to adjust back to living life "like a normal" person. But you're not the same person as you were before the trauma happened. You discover more about yourself and about how you fit into life, what used to work for you likely no longer does, in terms of unhealthy patterns and thoughts and feelings. You learn how precious you are and to put in place and embrace boundaries to keep you well. You live "you" authentically. Trauma and tragedy can bring you closer to love, if you choose to go deeper.
This is a very different way of life than you're used to. But it is the best way possible for you forward now. And it happens slowly, you learn gradually, you make mistakes again and again, but that is part of the learning process. You learn to listen to your body as the highest keeper of your good. You learn to honor what your body needs. No more disrespecting it. And you learn that death is always a possibility, but you accept it and live your life knowing it's ahead of you at some point. Every day is a gift, gratitude reigns supreme. Love is at the center, the heart center. And you thank your body each day for the miracle that it is.
"This book is a love story. It is primarily about the love between two sisters, but it is also about the kindness you must give to yourself if you are to truly love another. Love of self, love of other: two strands in the love braid. I have braided these strands together in all sorts of relationships, in varying degrees of grace and ineptitude. I've messed up in both directions: being self-centered, being a martyr; not knowing my own worth, not valuing the essential worth of the other. To love well is to get the balance right. It's the work of a lifetime. It's art. It's what this book is about." pg. 3
"There is no ten-ways-to-get-it-right list when it comes to love. No exact formulas for when to be vulnerable and when to be strong, when to wait and when to pursue, when to relent and when to be a relentless love warrior. Rather, love is a mess, love is a dance, love is a miracle. Love is also stronger than death, but I'm only learning that now." pg. 3
"Nietzsche described amor fati as the ability not to merely bear our fate but to love it. That's a tall order. To be human is to have the kind of fate that doles out all sorts of wondrous and horrible things. No one gets through life without big doses of confusion and angst, pain and loss. What's to love about that? And yet if you say yes to amor fati, if you practice loving the fullness of your fate, if you pick up the third strand of the love braid, you will thread ribbons of faith and gratitude and meaning through your life. Some will reject the idea of loving your fate as capitulation or naivete; I say it's the way to wisdom and the key to love." pg. 4
"She was an avid reader, but her taste did not include anything that smacked of self-help. She liked novels or nonfiction books about beekeeping and bread baking. Then my mother died and Maggie left her marriage, and there's nothing like trauma to change one's reading habits." pg. 39
"This is what happens when you put your soul in charge of your life. You dare to claim the sky. That sky is different for everyone. For one person, maybe the sky is having a baby, being a parent, growing a family. But for another it's never having kids; it's traveling the globe; it's saving the world. Your sky might be leaving a job, whereas another's might be fighting for it. Your claim to the sky could be an act of surrender--that moment when you finally learn how to love another. Or your claim to the sky might be when you finally learn how to love yourself; when you walk away from a relationship that demeans the soul, and you lay claim to your freedom. You know your sky. And if you don't, it's because you haven't listened closely enough. You are arguing with your soul instead of putting it in charge of your life." pg. 42
"Sitting on a long bench in the boat, alone except for the driver, who is sleeping in his captain's seat, I think about hidden things. Hidden life under the sea, under the ground, under the skin. The buried marrow in my bones and the secret stories in my heart. What are we supposed to see and hear, show and tell? Are things hidden for our own good, or is the human journey about going into the shadows and searching for the deeper truths about ourselves and each other, about life itself?" pg. 59
"I promised the women they would be less likely to need drugs or other interventions if they could visualize the uterus and understand the mechanics of the cervix--that little muscle that must stretch from a clenched fist to the size of their baby's head. If you fight the pain, if you resist the contractions, you cause even more pain. I told them that labor is like life and life is like labor: sometimes the most painful experiences deliver the best things--new life, unexpected insight, the chance to stretch and grow. This was the greatest lesson I learned in my years of delivering babies: don't strain against pain; learn its purpose; work with it and the energy of the universe will assist you." pg. 60
"For now, I ignore the parts of the information sheets that describe the painful side effects and potential risks of the procedure, and focus on the more miraculous aspects of marrow and cells and blood. I am becoming a devotee of blood. I feel like a vampire, but a nerdy one." pg. 72
"It was the Bard's ironic way of saying that, while the key to life is authenticity, most of us pay lip service to the idea, never really biting into the gold kernel of truth at the core of the self. Never really having the support, the know-how, the guts to mine the gold and live the gold and give the gold. That's the tragedy at the heart of Hamlet. And it's a tragedy in all of our lives until we summon the courage to dig deep, to say our truth, to be our truth." pg. 88
"'To thine own self be true,' we're told throughout our lives--when faced with decisions big and small, when wondering about whom to love or where to live or what to do with our talents and dreams. How do I grasp my purpose? How do I live a meaningful life? How can I make a difference in the lives of others?
'Just be yourself.'
You have heard this. You think it's true. Or at least you want it to be true--this idea of having and following an authentic self. . . All you know is that it's painful being separated from your one true self. And so you keep searching, sometimes effectively and sometimes like a fool, like a zealot, like a lost soul." pg. 89
"To them [the Greeks], your daimon--your spirit guide--lived within you. You were born with it; you came into this world with your daimon embedded in the body, like the grand oak already present in the acorn--a kind of spiritual DNA that already knows who it is, what it should do, how it should live. Greek philosophers spoke of the responsibility to put the daimon in charge of your life. If you didn't--if you tried to live someone else's life, if you covered your light, if you squandered your purpose--you would deny others the fullness of your gifts." pg. 94
"Those in touch with their authenticity share similar traits. They are gentle and strong in equal measure. They are not overly concerned about what others think of them, and yet they are greatly concerned about the well-being of others. They are so in touch with themselves that they are open toward everyone. They have tasted the sweetness and the bitterness of their life and declared it all good; they want you to taste your own life too. They don't want your allegiance; they want your liberation. They won't come after you; you must seek them out. And when your work with them is done, they will give you wings to fly away." pg. 96-97
"It showed me that no one is living the exact life you think they are, so if you compare your life to another person's, you're usually comparing it to a fantasy of your own making. Seeing the imperfect humanness of my teachers side by side with their genius has helped me stop expecting perfection of myself. My close encounters with the wise ones have helped me relax and lighten up. I've let go of the goal of perfection and taken up the goal of authenticity." pg. 101
"In all of these settings--East and West, North and South, sacred and secular, ancient and current--the best of the philosophers and witch doctors and shrinks have always been what shamanic cultures call 'wounded healers.' Wounded healers are comfortable with people in dark and troubled places because they too have been there and have found their way out. They may not have perfected the human experience, and they may be a little strange from frequent sojourns into the underworld, but they do have eyes that can see in the dark, and faith in the return of the light." pg. 124
"My mind knows that the bone marrow transplant may not work, that the cancer may come back, that Maggie may die sooner rather than later, but my heart and bones have other ideas. They are attached to the outcome with a fierceness I have only felt before as a mother." pg. 144-145
"And isn't this what all of us must do? Give ourselves to each other, even though we know one day we must part? Give ourselves to this life, even though we know it will end? This is the paradox at the heart of being human. Nothing stays the same; everything will change. And yet the love we long to feel, and the love we were born to give, can only be ours if we abandon ourselves to each moment, each breath, each other. If we wait for the perfect time, the perfect person, the perfected self, we'll stay frozen in an idea of love. But if we fearlessly engage with the life spread out before us, we will be rewarded with a heart that can hold it all--happiness and messiness, clarity and confusion, love and loss." pg. 145
"I think of how we go about our daily life, unaware of the dazzling feats occurring right beneath the skin. Will I remember this when the drama of the transplant is over? Will I remember to be awestruck by the human body, by the beautifully choreographed dance of the stem cells in the marrow of the bones? I inhale, and my lungs fill with air. The lungs filter out oxygen and send it to my heart. My heart pumps oxygenated blood to every part of my body. I exhale, and what my body cannot use is sent back into the atmosphere. Who thought this miracle up?" pg. 148
"An honorable human relationship--that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word 'love'--is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other.
It is important to do this because it breaks down human self-delusion and isolation.
It is important to do this because in doing so we do justice to our own complexcity.
It is important to do this because we can count on so few people to go that hard way with us." pg. 153, excerpted from Adrienne Rich
"You can ask yourself, does this person have enough love of himself to know how to love me? Does he suffer from excessively low self-esteem or narcissistic self-regard (two sides of the same coin) to be able to really see me for who I am beyond the roles, the wounds, the past? Will this person be patient enough to hear me out, brave enough to confront me, and game enough to travel with me to the field beyond wrongdoing and rightdoing? Has she demonstrated that kind of self-awareness in other relationships and situations? If the answer is no, then be careful. He or she may be a naked person offering you a shirt. A person cannot give you what he doesn't have." pg. 156-157
"Another heart you must investigate is your very own; you must test your own trustworthiness. Sometimes we think we're more genuine in our motivation than we really are. Sometimes we're manipulating others as opposed to truly wanting to grow a new kind of relationship. . . Am I ready to do this? Do I really plan to take responsibility for my side of the story? Or am I pushing an agenda? Am I too hurt, too impatient, too needy, too reactive, too confused to listen well and speak the truth? If so, then it's better to say nothing, to wait, to do my own inner work before inviting this kind of exchange with someone else." pg. 157
"She said, 'Give from your strength, and give to your sister's strength. Don't be the big sister helping the little sister. Don't be the strong one helping the weak one. Don't be the fortunate one helping the victim. Give from your strength to her strength. Strength to strength.'" pg. 172
"He [Deepak Chopra] quotes Sir Arthur Eddington, the renowned British physicist, who said, 'Something unknown is doing we don't know what.' Handing over the reins to that unknown something is the best thing I can do, Deepak Chopra writes." pg. 186
"When we know and love ourselves, down to the marrow of our bones, and when we know our oneness with each other, down to the marrow of our souls, then love becomes less of an idea and more of the only sane way to proceed. We are one, we are many, and love is the bridge." pg. 200
"Here are mine [mindfulness instructions]: We are made from the past, and for the future. Both are embedded in the present moment. Without the pain and sweetness of what came before, and the enticing lure and heart-pounding fear of what comes next, we cannot celebrate the fullness of the living moment." pg. 211
"We are remothering each other. In my constant (and sometimes obsessive) care of her, I am rewriting how we were raised. I am giving her the kind of attention we rarely, if ever, received. The kind that says through constancy and presence, 'You are my precious, cherished, worthy girl. I will put you first. I will do this because you are my girl, because you belong to me, we belong to each other, and you belong here on earth with us. And as long as you are here, you deserve to be seen and tended to.' That's not the message--expressed or implied--that we received from our parents. They loved us, but they did so without much fanfare or tenderness. They felt it their duty to give us a moral compass, and then we were on our own to go forth as good citizens of the world. Demonstrations of love, acknowledgement of one's unique character, guidance and solace ater falls and traumas--these were for other people. These were Hallmark Card coping strategies for the weak and the silly." pg. 223
"'Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.' I was being pulled by the strength of unconditional love. I knew that pull; it was the force I felt when I first laid eyes on my babies. It was primal. It was the response a mother has to a child's cry. It was the response we each long for as children--to be seen by our parents for who we are; to be loved, just because of who we are; to be cared for not because we have done something right but because we are here, we matter, we belong." pg. 224
"Now would be the time to say I am sorry for trying every which way to feel loved and valued, respected and taken seriously, instead of the one way that works the best: telling my truth and asking for what I need." pg. 233
"How many wounded relationships in our wounded world could be healed if people would only risk being vulnerable and honest? And hurt and angry too, but angry in a way that leads to positive resolution. This is possible. It's difficult, it's risky, but it's possible. And the opposite has a terrible track record." pg. 244
"The opposite of violence is not a world without anger, not a world without conflict. In fact the fear of conflict often leads to violence. It leads to unexplored assumptions, dishonesty, and backstabbing. Nonviolence is the ability to be in honest, patient conflict with another person, to hold each other's flaws up to the light, to talk it all the way through and to discover that, although none of us is perfect, still we can be each other's perfect match. This is the 'human love' that Anais Nin speaks of. This is what happens when we stop taking things personally, when we stop making assumptions, and when we are impeccable with our word." pg. 244
"Surrender. Feel the grace of what was, what is, and what will be." pg. 249
"They don't need you to perform for them so they know how good you are. They need you to love them so they know how good they are." pg. 270
"His eyes search my face, as if he's saying, 'Please see me. Please see who I was before I got sick, before my brain went haywire, before I ended up here. I'm still that person; I just don't have the right words and thoughts to dress him up, to make him presentable. But please see him; please respect him; please love him.'" pg. 272
"But I'll remember what I learned (for the umpteenth time) at the Brain Trauma Center: that we are souls who have met for a purpose on this mysterious journey; that each of us is here for the other, and all that is required is to strip down to the marrow and to be present. To look into each other's eyes and to search beyond the identity of victim and helper, sick one and well one, weak one and strong one--to look deeper and to find the dignified soul of each being, and to stand in solidarity as a fellow human who is striving to be free." pg. 273
"She has just wanted my presence--my strength to her strength--and the sense that our being together is a gift for both of us." pg. 273
"We hovered like mother hens--her daughters who had never been clucked over. We touched her, talked to her, and loved her with a passion we had never before been allowed to express." pg. 279
"Deep within the heart of the earth and the marrow of the bones is a compass that quivers to the power of love. I doubt the scientific community is going to back me up on this, but that grand unifying force that Einstein went to his grave still searching for? I believe it is love in its many forms: kindness, passion, connection, empathy, generosity, forgiveness, and the guts to tell the truth. Love is a force--an adhesive force." pg. 306
Book: borrowed from SSF Main Library.
This is a very different way of life than you're used to. But it is the best way possible for you forward now. And it happens slowly, you learn gradually, you make mistakes again and again, but that is part of the learning process. You learn to listen to your body as the highest keeper of your good. You learn to honor what your body needs. No more disrespecting it. And you learn that death is always a possibility, but you accept it and live your life knowing it's ahead of you at some point. Every day is a gift, gratitude reigns supreme. Love is at the center, the heart center. And you thank your body each day for the miracle that it is.
"This book is a love story. It is primarily about the love between two sisters, but it is also about the kindness you must give to yourself if you are to truly love another. Love of self, love of other: two strands in the love braid. I have braided these strands together in all sorts of relationships, in varying degrees of grace and ineptitude. I've messed up in both directions: being self-centered, being a martyr; not knowing my own worth, not valuing the essential worth of the other. To love well is to get the balance right. It's the work of a lifetime. It's art. It's what this book is about." pg. 3
"There is no ten-ways-to-get-it-right list when it comes to love. No exact formulas for when to be vulnerable and when to be strong, when to wait and when to pursue, when to relent and when to be a relentless love warrior. Rather, love is a mess, love is a dance, love is a miracle. Love is also stronger than death, but I'm only learning that now." pg. 3
"Nietzsche described amor fati as the ability not to merely bear our fate but to love it. That's a tall order. To be human is to have the kind of fate that doles out all sorts of wondrous and horrible things. No one gets through life without big doses of confusion and angst, pain and loss. What's to love about that? And yet if you say yes to amor fati, if you practice loving the fullness of your fate, if you pick up the third strand of the love braid, you will thread ribbons of faith and gratitude and meaning through your life. Some will reject the idea of loving your fate as capitulation or naivete; I say it's the way to wisdom and the key to love." pg. 4
"She was an avid reader, but her taste did not include anything that smacked of self-help. She liked novels or nonfiction books about beekeeping and bread baking. Then my mother died and Maggie left her marriage, and there's nothing like trauma to change one's reading habits." pg. 39
"This is what happens when you put your soul in charge of your life. You dare to claim the sky. That sky is different for everyone. For one person, maybe the sky is having a baby, being a parent, growing a family. But for another it's never having kids; it's traveling the globe; it's saving the world. Your sky might be leaving a job, whereas another's might be fighting for it. Your claim to the sky could be an act of surrender--that moment when you finally learn how to love another. Or your claim to the sky might be when you finally learn how to love yourself; when you walk away from a relationship that demeans the soul, and you lay claim to your freedom. You know your sky. And if you don't, it's because you haven't listened closely enough. You are arguing with your soul instead of putting it in charge of your life." pg. 42
"Sitting on a long bench in the boat, alone except for the driver, who is sleeping in his captain's seat, I think about hidden things. Hidden life under the sea, under the ground, under the skin. The buried marrow in my bones and the secret stories in my heart. What are we supposed to see and hear, show and tell? Are things hidden for our own good, or is the human journey about going into the shadows and searching for the deeper truths about ourselves and each other, about life itself?" pg. 59
"I promised the women they would be less likely to need drugs or other interventions if they could visualize the uterus and understand the mechanics of the cervix--that little muscle that must stretch from a clenched fist to the size of their baby's head. If you fight the pain, if you resist the contractions, you cause even more pain. I told them that labor is like life and life is like labor: sometimes the most painful experiences deliver the best things--new life, unexpected insight, the chance to stretch and grow. This was the greatest lesson I learned in my years of delivering babies: don't strain against pain; learn its purpose; work with it and the energy of the universe will assist you." pg. 60
"For now, I ignore the parts of the information sheets that describe the painful side effects and potential risks of the procedure, and focus on the more miraculous aspects of marrow and cells and blood. I am becoming a devotee of blood. I feel like a vampire, but a nerdy one." pg. 72
"It was the Bard's ironic way of saying that, while the key to life is authenticity, most of us pay lip service to the idea, never really biting into the gold kernel of truth at the core of the self. Never really having the support, the know-how, the guts to mine the gold and live the gold and give the gold. That's the tragedy at the heart of Hamlet. And it's a tragedy in all of our lives until we summon the courage to dig deep, to say our truth, to be our truth." pg. 88
"'To thine own self be true,' we're told throughout our lives--when faced with decisions big and small, when wondering about whom to love or where to live or what to do with our talents and dreams. How do I grasp my purpose? How do I live a meaningful life? How can I make a difference in the lives of others?
'Just be yourself.'
You have heard this. You think it's true. Or at least you want it to be true--this idea of having and following an authentic self. . . All you know is that it's painful being separated from your one true self. And so you keep searching, sometimes effectively and sometimes like a fool, like a zealot, like a lost soul." pg. 89
"To them [the Greeks], your daimon--your spirit guide--lived within you. You were born with it; you came into this world with your daimon embedded in the body, like the grand oak already present in the acorn--a kind of spiritual DNA that already knows who it is, what it should do, how it should live. Greek philosophers spoke of the responsibility to put the daimon in charge of your life. If you didn't--if you tried to live someone else's life, if you covered your light, if you squandered your purpose--you would deny others the fullness of your gifts." pg. 94
"Those in touch with their authenticity share similar traits. They are gentle and strong in equal measure. They are not overly concerned about what others think of them, and yet they are greatly concerned about the well-being of others. They are so in touch with themselves that they are open toward everyone. They have tasted the sweetness and the bitterness of their life and declared it all good; they want you to taste your own life too. They don't want your allegiance; they want your liberation. They won't come after you; you must seek them out. And when your work with them is done, they will give you wings to fly away." pg. 96-97
"It showed me that no one is living the exact life you think they are, so if you compare your life to another person's, you're usually comparing it to a fantasy of your own making. Seeing the imperfect humanness of my teachers side by side with their genius has helped me stop expecting perfection of myself. My close encounters with the wise ones have helped me relax and lighten up. I've let go of the goal of perfection and taken up the goal of authenticity." pg. 101
"In all of these settings--East and West, North and South, sacred and secular, ancient and current--the best of the philosophers and witch doctors and shrinks have always been what shamanic cultures call 'wounded healers.' Wounded healers are comfortable with people in dark and troubled places because they too have been there and have found their way out. They may not have perfected the human experience, and they may be a little strange from frequent sojourns into the underworld, but they do have eyes that can see in the dark, and faith in the return of the light." pg. 124
"My mind knows that the bone marrow transplant may not work, that the cancer may come back, that Maggie may die sooner rather than later, but my heart and bones have other ideas. They are attached to the outcome with a fierceness I have only felt before as a mother." pg. 144-145
"And isn't this what all of us must do? Give ourselves to each other, even though we know one day we must part? Give ourselves to this life, even though we know it will end? This is the paradox at the heart of being human. Nothing stays the same; everything will change. And yet the love we long to feel, and the love we were born to give, can only be ours if we abandon ourselves to each moment, each breath, each other. If we wait for the perfect time, the perfect person, the perfected self, we'll stay frozen in an idea of love. But if we fearlessly engage with the life spread out before us, we will be rewarded with a heart that can hold it all--happiness and messiness, clarity and confusion, love and loss." pg. 145
"I think of how we go about our daily life, unaware of the dazzling feats occurring right beneath the skin. Will I remember this when the drama of the transplant is over? Will I remember to be awestruck by the human body, by the beautifully choreographed dance of the stem cells in the marrow of the bones? I inhale, and my lungs fill with air. The lungs filter out oxygen and send it to my heart. My heart pumps oxygenated blood to every part of my body. I exhale, and what my body cannot use is sent back into the atmosphere. Who thought this miracle up?" pg. 148
"An honorable human relationship--that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word 'love'--is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other.
It is important to do this because it breaks down human self-delusion and isolation.
It is important to do this because in doing so we do justice to our own complexcity.
It is important to do this because we can count on so few people to go that hard way with us." pg. 153, excerpted from Adrienne Rich
"You can ask yourself, does this person have enough love of himself to know how to love me? Does he suffer from excessively low self-esteem or narcissistic self-regard (two sides of the same coin) to be able to really see me for who I am beyond the roles, the wounds, the past? Will this person be patient enough to hear me out, brave enough to confront me, and game enough to travel with me to the field beyond wrongdoing and rightdoing? Has she demonstrated that kind of self-awareness in other relationships and situations? If the answer is no, then be careful. He or she may be a naked person offering you a shirt. A person cannot give you what he doesn't have." pg. 156-157
"Another heart you must investigate is your very own; you must test your own trustworthiness. Sometimes we think we're more genuine in our motivation than we really are. Sometimes we're manipulating others as opposed to truly wanting to grow a new kind of relationship. . . Am I ready to do this? Do I really plan to take responsibility for my side of the story? Or am I pushing an agenda? Am I too hurt, too impatient, too needy, too reactive, too confused to listen well and speak the truth? If so, then it's better to say nothing, to wait, to do my own inner work before inviting this kind of exchange with someone else." pg. 157
"She said, 'Give from your strength, and give to your sister's strength. Don't be the big sister helping the little sister. Don't be the strong one helping the weak one. Don't be the fortunate one helping the victim. Give from your strength to her strength. Strength to strength.'" pg. 172
"He [Deepak Chopra] quotes Sir Arthur Eddington, the renowned British physicist, who said, 'Something unknown is doing we don't know what.' Handing over the reins to that unknown something is the best thing I can do, Deepak Chopra writes." pg. 186
"When we know and love ourselves, down to the marrow of our bones, and when we know our oneness with each other, down to the marrow of our souls, then love becomes less of an idea and more of the only sane way to proceed. We are one, we are many, and love is the bridge." pg. 200
"Here are mine [mindfulness instructions]: We are made from the past, and for the future. Both are embedded in the present moment. Without the pain and sweetness of what came before, and the enticing lure and heart-pounding fear of what comes next, we cannot celebrate the fullness of the living moment." pg. 211
"We are remothering each other. In my constant (and sometimes obsessive) care of her, I am rewriting how we were raised. I am giving her the kind of attention we rarely, if ever, received. The kind that says through constancy and presence, 'You are my precious, cherished, worthy girl. I will put you first. I will do this because you are my girl, because you belong to me, we belong to each other, and you belong here on earth with us. And as long as you are here, you deserve to be seen and tended to.' That's not the message--expressed or implied--that we received from our parents. They loved us, but they did so without much fanfare or tenderness. They felt it their duty to give us a moral compass, and then we were on our own to go forth as good citizens of the world. Demonstrations of love, acknowledgement of one's unique character, guidance and solace ater falls and traumas--these were for other people. These were Hallmark Card coping strategies for the weak and the silly." pg. 223
"'Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.' I was being pulled by the strength of unconditional love. I knew that pull; it was the force I felt when I first laid eyes on my babies. It was primal. It was the response a mother has to a child's cry. It was the response we each long for as children--to be seen by our parents for who we are; to be loved, just because of who we are; to be cared for not because we have done something right but because we are here, we matter, we belong." pg. 224
"Now would be the time to say I am sorry for trying every which way to feel loved and valued, respected and taken seriously, instead of the one way that works the best: telling my truth and asking for what I need." pg. 233
"How many wounded relationships in our wounded world could be healed if people would only risk being vulnerable and honest? And hurt and angry too, but angry in a way that leads to positive resolution. This is possible. It's difficult, it's risky, but it's possible. And the opposite has a terrible track record." pg. 244
"The opposite of violence is not a world without anger, not a world without conflict. In fact the fear of conflict often leads to violence. It leads to unexplored assumptions, dishonesty, and backstabbing. Nonviolence is the ability to be in honest, patient conflict with another person, to hold each other's flaws up to the light, to talk it all the way through and to discover that, although none of us is perfect, still we can be each other's perfect match. This is the 'human love' that Anais Nin speaks of. This is what happens when we stop taking things personally, when we stop making assumptions, and when we are impeccable with our word." pg. 244
"Surrender. Feel the grace of what was, what is, and what will be." pg. 249
"They don't need you to perform for them so they know how good you are. They need you to love them so they know how good they are." pg. 270
"His eyes search my face, as if he's saying, 'Please see me. Please see who I was before I got sick, before my brain went haywire, before I ended up here. I'm still that person; I just don't have the right words and thoughts to dress him up, to make him presentable. But please see him; please respect him; please love him.'" pg. 272
"But I'll remember what I learned (for the umpteenth time) at the Brain Trauma Center: that we are souls who have met for a purpose on this mysterious journey; that each of us is here for the other, and all that is required is to strip down to the marrow and to be present. To look into each other's eyes and to search beyond the identity of victim and helper, sick one and well one, weak one and strong one--to look deeper and to find the dignified soul of each being, and to stand in solidarity as a fellow human who is striving to be free." pg. 273
"She has just wanted my presence--my strength to her strength--and the sense that our being together is a gift for both of us." pg. 273
"We hovered like mother hens--her daughters who had never been clucked over. We touched her, talked to her, and loved her with a passion we had never before been allowed to express." pg. 279
"Deep within the heart of the earth and the marrow of the bones is a compass that quivers to the power of love. I doubt the scientific community is going to back me up on this, but that grand unifying force that Einstein went to his grave still searching for? I believe it is love in its many forms: kindness, passion, connection, empathy, generosity, forgiveness, and the guts to tell the truth. Love is a force--an adhesive force." pg. 306
Book: borrowed from SSF Main Library.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 27, 2021
I had to take a breather and gather my thoughts about this review. It has so many levels. The stars in the sky would have to align for me to have pulled through the profound deepness that I took away from it. And they did line up. Some issues were beyond me and I left those for someone else to tease out. But I have grown from exposure to these words.
March 18, 2020
Niet uitgelezen. Beenmerg vergelijken met de ziel, was iets te oppervlakkig spiritueel voor mijn smaak.
September 7, 2022
I loved the actual memoir aspects of this, and its initial focus on overcoming the damaging messages from ourselves and others that we often erroneously use to define us, but too often it descended into a mix of self-help and vague spirituality that left me cold.
May 24, 2019
Such a powerful and profound book. The kind you want to take notes from. The kind that contains so much wisdom that you wish you could absorb it into your own marrow and carry it with you everywhere. The kind of book to read again and again.
Deep within the heart of the earth and the marrow of the bones is a compass that quivers to the power of love. I doubt the scientific community is going to back me up on this, but that grand unifying force that Einstein went to his grave still searching for? I believe it is love in its many forms: kindness, passion, connection, empathy, generosity, forgiveness, and the guts to tell the truth.
Love is a force--an adhesive force. What keeps buildings and forests, rocks and oceans from flying off the planet and spinning into space? What keeps the elements that make up people and animals from ungluing? A physicist would use mathematical equations to prove to you that gravity and electromagnetism hold the universe in place. But what came before them? What came first?
Love.
Love came first.
Deep within the heart of the earth and the marrow of the bones is a compass that quivers to the power of love. I doubt the scientific community is going to back me up on this, but that grand unifying force that Einstein went to his grave still searching for? I believe it is love in its many forms: kindness, passion, connection, empathy, generosity, forgiveness, and the guts to tell the truth.
Love is a force--an adhesive force. What keeps buildings and forests, rocks and oceans from flying off the planet and spinning into space? What keeps the elements that make up people and animals from ungluing? A physicist would use mathematical equations to prove to you that gravity and electromagnetism hold the universe in place. But what came before them? What came first?
Love.
Love came first.
Read
February 10, 2017I'm not typically a fan of self-help books but this one came recommended to me by a friend so I felt obligated to read it. It has some good nuggets of wisdom that I should have probably highlighted, but I got a little tired of hearing about getting to the marrow of this and the marrow of that. The book didn't know if it wanted to be a self-help book or an account of the author's story with her sick sister and I was honestly more interested in how that played out, and wish there had been more of it. The book did inspire me to call my own sister though instead of just shaking my head in disapproval at her twerking videos on Snapchat. Kids these days!
September 5, 2023
Harrowing and inspiring, Marrow is the kind of love story I am all about. I have not always had easy relationships with my own sisters, but in our adulthood I now consider them to be my soul mates. Hearing Lesser’s story of her and her sisters’ ultimate journey of self discovery and love for each other through the most difficult and vulnerable of times was deeply touching, and her strength and gentleness are something I cherished being witness to.
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