In keeping with my ghoulish experiments on the elasticity of Goodreads reviews, I have provided a handy dandy guide to would-be scientists who wish raid these three volumes for all their willy bits. I have crafted a list of brain specifications for multi-tiered appreciation. It’s worth noting that these lectures are uneven in terms of difficulty, and that someone without a background in mathematics can appreciate some sections, particularly in volume one, just for the conceptual upgrades that Feynman is known sling with such frequency that, you might begin to suspect this inexhaustible supply is the result of communion with a Terrance McKenna style entity of animal crackers and Morphic Resonances. But I digress, precipitously, to imitate what happens with the physics on offer, because they get steep, and you’re almost guaranteed to experience some nasty cyanosis if you have no grounding in numerical witchcraft. It should go without saying that if you’re a Ramanujan type autodidactyl creature, or you share Feynman’s connubial bliss with McKenna-fauna, then you’ll find this specifications/ergregia cum laude all things Dick (Feynman), rather pedestrian. But, before you go; a few comments. First, that’s technically bestiality, even if your corporeal form remains in the lazy boy while your mind strokes Baphomet’s Caduceus. Second, why you would deign to subject yourself to the meanderings of this little idiot is, perhaps, as baffling as your fetish for Éliphas Lévi’s imagery while high on Psilocybe azurescens.
Minimum specs:
A commitment to casting down all shibboleths of superstition regarding how loaves of bread move along incline planes. The intestinal fortitude to accept that you will frequently find yourself out of your depth. A willingness to avail yourself of other resources should you stumble over something so badly that your junk looks like an exploded hotdog. A passion for understanding how the universe works. High school algebra/physics. A mental emetic for purging abstractions in the event that your neurons go critical. A family member with an engineering background who can kindly offer advice (in my case; my dad. Who was also very understanding when, as a wee lass, I took apart a barstool over the course of days by working the screws with my nubby fingers, hid the nuts and bolts in my mouth, then buried my head in the pillows of the couch. A red flag behavior that persists to this day, indicating some bizarre oral fixation has been recently indulged, I urge you to keep your extrapolations pure, but you probably can’t help yourself now.)
Medium specs:
A willingness to work out many problems related to the topics being discussed (you’ll have to seek out supplementary material) in order to make sure you’re not just gaining superficial understanding. Feynman can make things sound much easier than they actually are for us pudding brains. It’s critical to do the work. The lectures were intended for Caltech students, (no slouches, those), and, by Dick’s own admission, many of them became lost trying to drink from the fire hose. You and trig need to be exchanging sexual favors on the reg. College physics/calculus (differential equations for mechanics and dynamics, vector and multidimensional for electricity and magnetism). Controlled amounts of attention enhancing pharmaceuticals. Someone willing to strike you with a kyōsaku (encouragement stick) when you find your mind wandering. Partially digested coffee cherries freshly defecated by an Asian palm civet.
High specs:
Mescaline. (100 mg mescaline hydrochloride (HCl), 111 mg mescaline sulfate or 85 mg mescaline freebase to establish foundation). Small Athame Ritual Dagger (for complex geometrical approximations). Altar constructed according to Fibonacci Sequence. Serpentis Leviathan Cross Altar Tapestry Banner (self-explanatory). Sigil of Astaroth (there are some patches for this at any Hot Topic if you don’t have the resources to craft a shield). Lemegeton Goetia Ritual Circle (embroidered cloth or crude approximation drawn in earth at your own risk, as entities can be extremely detail oriented). Goth Long Matte Black Press On Nails Witchy Hecate Hex Halloween Horror (non-negotiable) Skull Bowl (you’ll probably want this in resin, as genuine human skulls often cast suspicion). Baphomet Horned God Goat Skull Ritual Goblet (assorted candies). Black Mini Taper Spell Candles (naturally). Brass Candle Snuffer With Wood Handle (classy). Cast Iron 6 Inch Wide Mouth Mini Cauldron (mostly vodka). Charcoal Tongs With Inscribed Pentacle (for the nips). Incense (mask scent of daemon smegma). An example ritual for summoning Maxwell’s Demon follows:
Cast the Circle
Using your wand (athame, finger, slide rule etc.). Start in the north, envision you’re drawing up the quantum vacuum energy of the universe, coalescing in your ritual implement of choice, then, pointing said device toward the earth, draw down the collective bombardment of neutrinos in your local area. (It’s perfectly normal if you don’t feel anything during this torrential rain of subatomic particles, but trust me, I have it on good authority that it’s happening.)
Walk around once, saying:
I conjure the Circle of Power, by my factorization and by my largest prime,
I conjure the Circle of Power, a boundary between numerator and denominator;
I conjure the Circle of Power, a sacred space for calculations;
I conjure the Circle of Power, to shelter us from negative energies of innumeracy;
I conjure the Circle of Power, to contain the derivatives and integrals within;
By the powers above, and the powers below, I close this circle- so mote it be!
The following chant for Maxwell’s Demon should be uttered in the likeness of Oppenheimer in the famous clip where he quotes the Bhagavad Gita. Being performed garbed in the robe of black or clad with the sky. At the hour of midnight upon the new of the moon within the circle of consicration [sic]. Using the TEXAS INSTRUMENTS TI-36X PRO ENGINEERING/SCIENTIFIC CALCULATOR and the CELESTRON’S ADVANCED VX 8-INCH SCHMIDT-CASSEGRAIN TELESCOPE bring forth the watcher from the STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE ABYSS.
IA! IA!
I DERIVE THEE FROM FIRST PRINCIPLES!
Ageless violator of the second law of thermodynamics.
I CALL THEE AGELESS ONE FORTH FROM THE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE ABYSS
Forever bouncing gas molecules.
IGWA YTHALLA SHUGATHATHER!
GR’THERA!
IA! IA! IA! KUTHLU
ENHAL THULUK ENIKAR!
BY THE PARTICLES EXCHANGED THROUGH THIS PARTITION
DEFY THERMAL EQUILIBRIUM
ENHAL THULAK ENIKAR!
NARDAR THULHU RY’LEH KHEMAR
TERROR OF BOLTZMANN YOU ARE DRAWN FORTH
As of Bohr.
MATERIALIZED FROM THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS
As of Einstein.
BY THE WORDS OF THE VENERABLE LORD KELVIN AND JAMES CLERK
BY THE COVENANT OF ROYAL SOCIETY.
NEWTON THULAK ENIKAR!
IA! AZAZAZA THULL GHARNA!
BY THE WORDS OF SADI CARNOT
BY THE COVENANT OF CLAUSIUS.
Be one with us
The name of Maxwell compels thee.
Be friendly unto the worshipers of the INTEGERS!
Fuck fractions
A’Akhar m’lghuni! IA!
VORISH NAA’KAVA!
ENHAL THULAK ENIKAR!