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I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die: Finding Hope in the Darkness of Depression
A compassionate, shame-free guide for your darkest days
“A one-of-a-kind book . . . to read for yourself or give to a struggling friend or loved one without the fear that depression and suicidal thoughts will be minimized, medicalized or over-spiritualized.”—Kay Warren, cofounder of Saddleback Church
What happens when loving Jesus doesn’t cure you of depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts? You might be crushed by shame over your mental illness, only to be told by well-meaning Christians to “choose joy” and “pray more.” So you beg God to take away the pain, but nothing eases the ache inside. As darkness lingers and color drains from your world, you’re left wondering if God has abandoned you.
You just want a way out.
But there’s hope.
In I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die, Sarah J. Robinson offers a healthy, practical, and shame-free guide for Christians struggling with mental illness. With unflinching honesty, Sarah shares her story of battling depression and fighting to stay alive despite toxic theology that made her afraid to seek help outside the church. Pairing her own story with scriptural insights, mental health research, and simple practices, Sarah helps you reconnect with the God who is present in our deepest anguish and discover that you are worth everything it takes to get better.
Beautifully written and full of hard-won wisdom, I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die offers a path toward a rich, hope-filled life in Christ, even when healing doesn’t look like what you expect.
“A one-of-a-kind book . . . to read for yourself or give to a struggling friend or loved one without the fear that depression and suicidal thoughts will be minimized, medicalized or over-spiritualized.”—Kay Warren, cofounder of Saddleback Church
What happens when loving Jesus doesn’t cure you of depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts? You might be crushed by shame over your mental illness, only to be told by well-meaning Christians to “choose joy” and “pray more.” So you beg God to take away the pain, but nothing eases the ache inside. As darkness lingers and color drains from your world, you’re left wondering if God has abandoned you.
You just want a way out.
But there’s hope.
In I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die, Sarah J. Robinson offers a healthy, practical, and shame-free guide for Christians struggling with mental illness. With unflinching honesty, Sarah shares her story of battling depression and fighting to stay alive despite toxic theology that made her afraid to seek help outside the church. Pairing her own story with scriptural insights, mental health research, and simple practices, Sarah helps you reconnect with the God who is present in our deepest anguish and discover that you are worth everything it takes to get better.
Beautifully written and full of hard-won wisdom, I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die offers a path toward a rich, hope-filled life in Christ, even when healing doesn’t look like what you expect.
256 pages, Paperback
First published May 11, 2021
159 people are currently reading
994 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 150 reviews
May 11, 2021
In I Love Jesus But I Want to Die, Robinson places a candle in the middle of our darkness. By talking about things Christians have too long kept hidden and hushed, she gives us room to hear our truest name: Beloved. (From my official endorsement)
May 7, 2021
Simply put, this is one of the best books I've ever read regarding mental illness as a Christian within the Church. Do you have people who suggest you don't pray enough or have enough faith because you suffer from mental illness? Do you feel an additional shame from the Church regarding your mental illness over the shame you already feel from society? Do you want to challenge people to be more compationate and to take a more Biblical, compassionate, and helpful stance in helping you deal with depression? Are you someone who loves someone in your life who deals with mental illness and want to better understand how to help? Do you want encouragement and advice on living with mental illness from people who are in the trenches with you? Do you want to approach mental illness from a spiritual, emotional, and physical perspective?
Then you need to read this book!
From the opening of the very first chapter, I wept as I read the loving words Sarah Robinson shared. I felt like I wasn't alone. I felt seen! I felt challenged in really good, healthy ways to pursue healthy behaviors and lifestyles. It is a book that comforts in the midst of some of the worst hurt I could be experiencing in the moment. It is a book that dares to hope in the midst of the mess.
So if you are looking for a book written through the stories and experiences of someone who loves Jesus while battling the pain of mental illness... A book that references the Bible, scientific studies, and the experiences of people fighting the battle... A book that acts as encourager and advocate as you fight your own battle... Then please read this wonderful book.
I received this book from the publisher through their book launch program.
Then you need to read this book!
From the opening of the very first chapter, I wept as I read the loving words Sarah Robinson shared. I felt like I wasn't alone. I felt seen! I felt challenged in really good, healthy ways to pursue healthy behaviors and lifestyles. It is a book that comforts in the midst of some of the worst hurt I could be experiencing in the moment. It is a book that dares to hope in the midst of the mess.
So if you are looking for a book written through the stories and experiences of someone who loves Jesus while battling the pain of mental illness... A book that references the Bible, scientific studies, and the experiences of people fighting the battle... A book that acts as encourager and advocate as you fight your own battle... Then please read this wonderful book.
I received this book from the publisher through their book launch program.
September 8, 2024
4.5⭐️ Picked this up from a display at the public library and was delighted to find so much truth and wisdom alongside the hope of the gospel!
So appreciate Sarah’s willingness to share her journey and the hope and help she’s found along the way. I though she did a great job discussing helpful content but also making it clear that the suffering may never fully resolve. Life is messy and that’s no less true when you’re walking through the darkness of depression. She had a beautiful chapter at the end discussing what it looks like to walk with the Lord “even if” the suffering lingers.
“In the fire, we learn that hope can’t rest solely on the actions of God, on miraculous healings, or on mysteries we can’t comprehend. Instead, our hope rests on the character of a God who is love, who somehow brings beauty out of the ugliest ashes. We don’t have to be healed, we don’t have to be on the other side of it, to know he’s good and he’s transforming us—even in the furnace.”
I would recommend this for anyone struggling with depression, as well as those seeking to support a loved one who struggles in these spaces.
So appreciate Sarah’s willingness to share her journey and the hope and help she’s found along the way. I though she did a great job discussing helpful content but also making it clear that the suffering may never fully resolve. Life is messy and that’s no less true when you’re walking through the darkness of depression. She had a beautiful chapter at the end discussing what it looks like to walk with the Lord “even if” the suffering lingers.
“In the fire, we learn that hope can’t rest solely on the actions of God, on miraculous healings, or on mysteries we can’t comprehend. Instead, our hope rests on the character of a God who is love, who somehow brings beauty out of the ugliest ashes. We don’t have to be healed, we don’t have to be on the other side of it, to know he’s good and he’s transforming us—even in the furnace.”
I would recommend this for anyone struggling with depression, as well as those seeking to support a loved one who struggles in these spaces.
May 3, 2021
As someone who has struggled with depression for so long, I can't recommend this book enough. We live in a society where mental illness isn't talked about. This book makes us take a look at it. If you or someone you love struggles with depression I would recommend reading this!
I received a complimentary copy from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. All opinions expressed are mine alone.
I received a complimentary copy from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. All opinions expressed are mine alone.
July 23, 2024
this is the most healing book i have ever read regarding suicide and self harm and depression and hopelessness and faith. i couldn’t just pull one quote, so i’m giving you the ones that spoke to me the most out of many, many more!!
“we have to wonder what it means if God is able to heal but doesn’t heal us”
“we walk with saints who have gone before us— a great cloud of witnesses who intimately know sorrow and heartache and grief”
“and i couldn’t figure out how to get rid of the indescribable feeling of badness inside me. like there was something terribly wrong with me, and i had to let it out.”
“in the years since coming to terms with my depression, medication, lifestyle changes, and lots of prayer have made a world of difference for me. today, my illness holds a mere shadow of the power it did five or ten years ago. but a great deal of that transformation came about because i accepted the reality that depression and anxiety are part of my life. i will likely live with my diagnoses until the day i go home to Jesus.”
“the kindness and affection of God are still for us, even when we wrestle with such ache and anguish”
“living with a limp may mean that we’re going to be well accustomed to this brutal darkness. but it also means that we can learn to find peace in clinging to Christ even in the panic, even when we feel like we’re being devoured from the inside out.”
“things might feel uncertain right now, but uncertain doesn’t mean bad.”
“you are worthy of this. you are worth everything it takes to get better.”
“in a story that tells us of a perfect world, God gave humankind something precious to watch over. And just like Adam and Eve, we were given a garden to tend: Our lives. Our souls.”
“failing to set boundaries actually sacrifices our souls in a way God never intended for us”
“though we have bleak and hard and anxious days, ours are still stories of triumph.”
“i am living proof of beauty from ashes.”
“there is a great cloud of witnesses who believe better things for you when you can’t believe them for yourself.”
“as you remember that, even in the bible, Jesus didn’t miraculously heal everyone, may you know that true faith is walking with him through the pain, not just being delivered from it.”
“even if the darkness will always be there, God with Us will always be there in the darkness.”
“we have to wonder what it means if God is able to heal but doesn’t heal us”
“we walk with saints who have gone before us— a great cloud of witnesses who intimately know sorrow and heartache and grief”
“and i couldn’t figure out how to get rid of the indescribable feeling of badness inside me. like there was something terribly wrong with me, and i had to let it out.”
“in the years since coming to terms with my depression, medication, lifestyle changes, and lots of prayer have made a world of difference for me. today, my illness holds a mere shadow of the power it did five or ten years ago. but a great deal of that transformation came about because i accepted the reality that depression and anxiety are part of my life. i will likely live with my diagnoses until the day i go home to Jesus.”
“the kindness and affection of God are still for us, even when we wrestle with such ache and anguish”
“living with a limp may mean that we’re going to be well accustomed to this brutal darkness. but it also means that we can learn to find peace in clinging to Christ even in the panic, even when we feel like we’re being devoured from the inside out.”
“things might feel uncertain right now, but uncertain doesn’t mean bad.”
“you are worthy of this. you are worth everything it takes to get better.”
“in a story that tells us of a perfect world, God gave humankind something precious to watch over. And just like Adam and Eve, we were given a garden to tend: Our lives. Our souls.”
“failing to set boundaries actually sacrifices our souls in a way God never intended for us”
“though we have bleak and hard and anxious days, ours are still stories of triumph.”
“i am living proof of beauty from ashes.”
“there is a great cloud of witnesses who believe better things for you when you can’t believe them for yourself.”
“as you remember that, even in the bible, Jesus didn’t miraculously heal everyone, may you know that true faith is walking with him through the pain, not just being delivered from it.”
“even if the darkness will always be there, God with Us will always be there in the darkness.”
April 30, 2021
Wow, this book. Wow.
It was the title that really drew me to this book, as someone who has struggled with mental health, and who now spends time as a mental health support counselor for young adults, I hoped that this book would give me insight into how I may become better at supporting those who seek counsel and someone to vent to. I was especially interested to see this discussed from a faith perspective for a number of reasons.
I was not disappointed. To be clear, this is not a medical book to help you diagnose anyone or yourself (leave that to those better qualified), but it is a very raw and emotional history of a struggle with depression, rounded out with support, helpful tips, and lots of love and acceptance for seeking a path that will serve the individual, yet does not purport mental health as something that can be “fixed”. And that’s okay.
The vulnerability of the author moved me to the core, though our circumstances are so different, there was so much overlap in emotional and treatment experience that this book had me in tears, quite often. (It is especially breaks my heart to hear of more people who’ve had the experience of being told by a therapist “it’s your fault I can’t help you”, which is a scarring experience that probably scares many away from trying again).
I love that the author really stresses the “excruciating physicality” of mental illness, as well as the discomfort most still experience when it comes to talking about living with “a lifelong disorder” (ch. 9). As well as taking into account the strong feelings and stigma that can be attached to taking medication, and the frustration of not getting better (so to speak) even when you feel like you’ve found something that “should” made you better (be it faith or therapy) , or the frustration of some well-meaning, yet misguided and hurtful, advice that one can get.
Though coming from a faith perspective probably helps taking this book in, I would honestly recommend this to anyone who struggles with mental health or knows someone who does. There is just so much ground covered here and so much that really puts you into the shoes of the experience, that you won’t leave this book empty handed. Though the experiences and emotions are unique to each individual, this book will no doubt be deeply relatable for many, and it comes with trigger warnings that helps the reader navigate around particularly sensitive topics like suicide and self-harm.
When I started reading this book I wasn’t sure how I would review it, I was scared to even hint at my own struggles with mental health in it and how that would be perceived by others. That initial fear and shame in me shows (something I also see when I support others) that there is still some growing to do when it comes to talking about mental health, we are getting better at it, but books like this one is important in order to continue to remove the stigma of mental illness.
Bravo to the author, it is incredible to read something so vulnerable but also helpful. I will carry parts of this book with me for a long time,
Thank you lots to NetGalley and WaterBrook (and Random House) for this pre-release copy in exchange for a fair review.
It was the title that really drew me to this book, as someone who has struggled with mental health, and who now spends time as a mental health support counselor for young adults, I hoped that this book would give me insight into how I may become better at supporting those who seek counsel and someone to vent to. I was especially interested to see this discussed from a faith perspective for a number of reasons.
I was not disappointed. To be clear, this is not a medical book to help you diagnose anyone or yourself (leave that to those better qualified), but it is a very raw and emotional history of a struggle with depression, rounded out with support, helpful tips, and lots of love and acceptance for seeking a path that will serve the individual, yet does not purport mental health as something that can be “fixed”. And that’s okay.
The vulnerability of the author moved me to the core, though our circumstances are so different, there was so much overlap in emotional and treatment experience that this book had me in tears, quite often. (It is especially breaks my heart to hear of more people who’ve had the experience of being told by a therapist “it’s your fault I can’t help you”, which is a scarring experience that probably scares many away from trying again).
I love that the author really stresses the “excruciating physicality” of mental illness, as well as the discomfort most still experience when it comes to talking about living with “a lifelong disorder” (ch. 9). As well as taking into account the strong feelings and stigma that can be attached to taking medication, and the frustration of not getting better (so to speak) even when you feel like you’ve found something that “should” made you better (be it faith or therapy) , or the frustration of some well-meaning, yet misguided and hurtful, advice that one can get.
Though coming from a faith perspective probably helps taking this book in, I would honestly recommend this to anyone who struggles with mental health or knows someone who does. There is just so much ground covered here and so much that really puts you into the shoes of the experience, that you won’t leave this book empty handed. Though the experiences and emotions are unique to each individual, this book will no doubt be deeply relatable for many, and it comes with trigger warnings that helps the reader navigate around particularly sensitive topics like suicide and self-harm.
When I started reading this book I wasn’t sure how I would review it, I was scared to even hint at my own struggles with mental health in it and how that would be perceived by others. That initial fear and shame in me shows (something I also see when I support others) that there is still some growing to do when it comes to talking about mental health, we are getting better at it, but books like this one is important in order to continue to remove the stigma of mental illness.
Bravo to the author, it is incredible to read something so vulnerable but also helpful. I will carry parts of this book with me for a long time,
Thank you lots to NetGalley and WaterBrook (and Random House) for this pre-release copy in exchange for a fair review.
April 26, 2025
This book reaches past simplistic quick-fix answers to depression in search of something more real, more compassionate, more Christian: holding onto Jesus as he walks beside us in the midst of darkness.
There is no singular method to fix depression: not “trusting God more” or “choosing joy” or “speaking life.” These may help, and they may bring complete healing to circumstantial depression (e.g. depression that results from sin, which is not what this book is about) but there is a depression that can come deeply rooted in our mind and body, shaped by trauma and abuse, stinging in emotional wounds which no pat answer can heal but can only be mended by Immanuel.
If that resonates, I urge you to read this book. If you struggle with depression (or know someone who does) this book is remarkably balanced in honoring Scripture and the Church while also acknowledging how Christians too often fall short at being like Christ to those who are hurting. She recommends means of grace for the mind, body, and soul rather than emphasizing one over the other (an imbalance which happens far too often when writers approach this topic).
If our Savior was a Man of Sorrows acquainted with grief, we should not treat depression like a sin to pray out of ourselves or to rebuke in others. We do not need to be ashamed when we find ourselves walking through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. When we find ourselves there, we have not wandered off the path of true faith, miles from that gold-paved road of victory we think good Christians walk on with brimming smiles. No, we learn exactly what it means to trust in Jesus as we walk with him in that dark valley. He wouldn’t have it any other way. He promised with his own blood to walk through every storm with his children, to make sure that we make it out alive. This is our hope, and our joy is set before us on the other side.
There is no singular method to fix depression: not “trusting God more” or “choosing joy” or “speaking life.” These may help, and they may bring complete healing to circumstantial depression (e.g. depression that results from sin, which is not what this book is about) but there is a depression that can come deeply rooted in our mind and body, shaped by trauma and abuse, stinging in emotional wounds which no pat answer can heal but can only be mended by Immanuel.
If that resonates, I urge you to read this book. If you struggle with depression (or know someone who does) this book is remarkably balanced in honoring Scripture and the Church while also acknowledging how Christians too often fall short at being like Christ to those who are hurting. She recommends means of grace for the mind, body, and soul rather than emphasizing one over the other (an imbalance which happens far too often when writers approach this topic).
If our Savior was a Man of Sorrows acquainted with grief, we should not treat depression like a sin to pray out of ourselves or to rebuke in others. We do not need to be ashamed when we find ourselves walking through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. When we find ourselves there, we have not wandered off the path of true faith, miles from that gold-paved road of victory we think good Christians walk on with brimming smiles. No, we learn exactly what it means to trust in Jesus as we walk with him in that dark valley. He wouldn’t have it any other way. He promised with his own blood to walk through every storm with his children, to make sure that we make it out alive. This is our hope, and our joy is set before us on the other side.
May 15, 2021
“I love Jesus, but I want to die.” I first had this thought in 2010 after my daughter and dad died, when I was far from home, in a dark and lonely place, overwhelmed by grief.
It was the first time a thought like that had taken shape in my head and I didn’t know what to do with it. Was I suicidal? I didn’t think so. I didn’t have a plan to carry out any harm against myself. But at the same time, I longed for the grave.
Those thoughts came and went, but it is here where I began my therapy journey. Years later, however, they returned in another painful season. This time the thoughts were intrusive. They persisted into panic and to a point where I didn’t feel safe with myself.
Once again I fought through the shame and continued to seek help and healing and hope from professionals and mentors. My understanding of how a Christian can despair and how God’s presence and healing can look expanded.
I wish I had had a copy of this book by @sarahjrbnsn to guide me along on this journey back then. She writes openly like a friend and as a qualified guide, sharing journal entries and hard-won wisdom. Sarah is brave—and also abundantly compassionate and empathetic. I am so grateful she wrote this book and her publisher saw the need for it.
I appreciate how it is both deeply personal and also reads like a guidebook, full of practicality.
If you’ve ever had this thought, battled despair, or questioned the worth of your life (or loved someone who has), this book is for you.
The world and the Church need this books.
It was the first time a thought like that had taken shape in my head and I didn’t know what to do with it. Was I suicidal? I didn’t think so. I didn’t have a plan to carry out any harm against myself. But at the same time, I longed for the grave.
Those thoughts came and went, but it is here where I began my therapy journey. Years later, however, they returned in another painful season. This time the thoughts were intrusive. They persisted into panic and to a point where I didn’t feel safe with myself.
Once again I fought through the shame and continued to seek help and healing and hope from professionals and mentors. My understanding of how a Christian can despair and how God’s presence and healing can look expanded.
I wish I had had a copy of this book by @sarahjrbnsn to guide me along on this journey back then. She writes openly like a friend and as a qualified guide, sharing journal entries and hard-won wisdom. Sarah is brave—and also abundantly compassionate and empathetic. I am so grateful she wrote this book and her publisher saw the need for it.
I appreciate how it is both deeply personal and also reads like a guidebook, full of practicality.
If you’ve ever had this thought, battled despair, or questioned the worth of your life (or loved someone who has), this book is for you.
The world and the Church need this books.
June 16, 2025
there’s a grey zone of grief and pain and illness in the church that is often met with well meaning but dismissive responses. this book does such a good job of identifying that grey zone specifically within Christianity and providing the reader with trauma informed as well as faith based tools to navigate mental health. really really good and i do hate to admit this and i have to come clean, but “i love jesus, but i want to die” has also been one of my running bits for the past month. sorry
May 6, 2021
With vulnerability, generosity, honesty, compassion and truth, Sarah J. Robinson weaves together Scripture and hope as she shares her own experience with mental illness and depression.
This is not a "just choose joy" message. This book does not preach at you. Instead, it's a shame-free guide for those who are struggling -- and for those who love someone who is struggling. Truly, it's one I hope thousands upon thousands of people read because it has the power to change the conversation and potentially save lives. Don't miss the valuable resources in the back... warning signs, things to say, tips for tough conversations, and books/podcasts for further learning.
Note: Throughout the book, Sarah includes a clear 'warning' when the following content may be triggering. Though none of the highlighted, clearly marked sections were triggering for me personally, I very much appreciate the intentionally and thoughtfulness behind this choice.
This is not a "just choose joy" message. This book does not preach at you. Instead, it's a shame-free guide for those who are struggling -- and for those who love someone who is struggling. Truly, it's one I hope thousands upon thousands of people read because it has the power to change the conversation and potentially save lives. Don't miss the valuable resources in the back... warning signs, things to say, tips for tough conversations, and books/podcasts for further learning.
Note: Throughout the book, Sarah includes a clear 'warning' when the following content may be triggering. Though none of the highlighted, clearly marked sections were triggering for me personally, I very much appreciate the intentionally and thoughtfulness behind this choice.
May 11, 2021
Some of the best books are the ones that come to you at just the right time. This is one of those books for me. After the stress of the last year, I have been feeling depression symptoms stronger than I have in a while. Sarah’s book made me feel so seen.
While no one person’s experience with mental illness is the same, her stories helped me to identify with where I am right now. Also, her thorough research both biblically and with mental health experts took everything to the next level. I can’t wait to recommend this book to many in my life and feel like it will resonate with those who love someone with depression and anxiety, even if they haven’t experienced it themselves.
*I received this book from the publisher through their book launch program, however, this is my honest opinion.
While no one person’s experience with mental illness is the same, her stories helped me to identify with where I am right now. Also, her thorough research both biblically and with mental health experts took everything to the next level. I can’t wait to recommend this book to many in my life and feel like it will resonate with those who love someone with depression and anxiety, even if they haven’t experienced it themselves.
*I received this book from the publisher through their book launch program, however, this is my honest opinion.
July 2, 2024
I found this book beautiful, compassionate, and healing.
Mental health is a subject filled with nuance and grey areas, and I am certainly no authority on the subject. Robinson didn't pretend to be an authority either but the book seemed well-researched and her personal story is powerful.
Mental health is a subject filled with nuance and grey areas, and I am certainly no authority on the subject. Robinson didn't pretend to be an authority either but the book seemed well-researched and her personal story is powerful.
March 23, 2021
I don't have words to describe how beautiful this book is. The title already impacted me. When i started to go through the pages of "I love Jesus but i want to die" I could feel Sarah Robinson's heart and her life testimony. She talks about her struggles with mental illness and how she found the deep love of God, who supports and cares for her every day. It helps me to better understand how friends and family around me who live with depression and any kind of mental illness are feeling also it gives me a different perspective how i can help them in their darkest moments. This is a definitely must read book for everybody. Even those that don't have mental illness. It would be great for leaders too. I hope some day it can be translated into Spanish so churches in Latin America will be able to read it. So thankful to have the privilege to read an advance copy from NetGalley.
August 8, 2024
honestly… this book lowkey changed my life.
if you or someone you love struggles with depression or suicidal ideation… PLEASE read this. if not for yourself, read it to get a glimpse on what it’s like to wrestle with mental illness. some of these chapters had my jaw on the FLOOR with encouragement and truth i’ve never been told before (as someone who’s grown up in church and been a christian for 12+ years).
the pages of this book are filled with so much grace. whether you’re a newer christian, or a well-seasoned therapy advocate— this book is for everyone. some chapters i related to more than others (naturally), but that’s why i truly believe this book has something for anyone who picks it up. it touched my heart so much more than i expected. <3
if you or someone you love struggles with depression or suicidal ideation… PLEASE read this. if not for yourself, read it to get a glimpse on what it’s like to wrestle with mental illness. some of these chapters had my jaw on the FLOOR with encouragement and truth i’ve never been told before (as someone who’s grown up in church and been a christian for 12+ years).
the pages of this book are filled with so much grace. whether you’re a newer christian, or a well-seasoned therapy advocate— this book is for everyone. some chapters i related to more than others (naturally), but that’s why i truly believe this book has something for anyone who picks it up. it touched my heart so much more than i expected. <3
June 1, 2021
As A church we need to do a whole lot better taking care of the flock that battles mental health issues on a daily basis. Learn how to love them minute by minute. As a believer in Christ whom deals with severe depression I found this book to be a refreshing and honest look at people who deal with depression and suicide. The author deals with it personally and she has a honest and kind way about how to put a handle on mental illness. Definitely a book worth having around!!
May 11, 2021
I work as a local church pastor and at the Mental Health Association. I have friends and family and parishioners who carry a variety of mental health diagnoses. My life often intersects at the roads of faith and mental health. The church world has so much stigma around mental health issues. We've avoided talking about them, labeled them as sin, and suggested people only need to pray or tithe or repent to get better.
This book is an honest reminder than you can love Jesus and still struggle. It reminds us that therapy and medication are gifts and means of grace. And that a safe community where people can fearlessly and honestly share their burdens is essential to the survival of some of our members.
Sara shares her story, the well-intentioned (but faulty) assumptions and advices she was given, and how she found a way to cling to Jesus despite it all. She wrestles with guilt, unanswered prayers, and the longing for a cure and comes out the other side with a better understanding of her God, her faith, and her lifelong battle with depression and suicide ideation.
Sarah is not preachy, judgmental, or grudge bearing. She is frank, honest, and still tender. She provides trigger warnings and shaded sections that may be too much for some to read in the midst of heavy seasons of depression. She offers practical ideas for help while not touting them as cure alls or quick fixes.
I highly recommend this book. It is a needed story with great insight and help for those who struggle with depression (especially people who follow Jesus) and those in the church who must develop a better understanding of how to love and be in relationship with those who are battling.
*I received an advance copy of the book from the publisher in exchange for a fair and honest review.*
This book is an honest reminder than you can love Jesus and still struggle. It reminds us that therapy and medication are gifts and means of grace. And that a safe community where people can fearlessly and honestly share their burdens is essential to the survival of some of our members.
Sara shares her story, the well-intentioned (but faulty) assumptions and advices she was given, and how she found a way to cling to Jesus despite it all. She wrestles with guilt, unanswered prayers, and the longing for a cure and comes out the other side with a better understanding of her God, her faith, and her lifelong battle with depression and suicide ideation.
Sarah is not preachy, judgmental, or grudge bearing. She is frank, honest, and still tender. She provides trigger warnings and shaded sections that may be too much for some to read in the midst of heavy seasons of depression. She offers practical ideas for help while not touting them as cure alls or quick fixes.
I highly recommend this book. It is a needed story with great insight and help for those who struggle with depression (especially people who follow Jesus) and those in the church who must develop a better understanding of how to love and be in relationship with those who are battling.
*I received an advance copy of the book from the publisher in exchange for a fair and honest review.*
March 31, 2023
A MUST for any Christian with depression, ESPECIALLY if you’ve ever had suicidal thoughts. This book is such an incredible blessing. Every bit of it felt relevant to my depression, which I’ve dealt with as long as I can remember. The author did not hold back whatsoever—there were appropriate trigger warnings where they were needed, but she absolutely drew back the curtain on the questions about how to deal with depression in the midst of faith. Absolute perfection. I needed this.
December 10, 2025
Personally, suicidal thoughts is not something I've ever struggled with. If I have had depression it hasn't been diagnosed and probably wont ever be. I read this mainly for research on my novels, my MC takes that title to its fullest. She loves Jesus, or for her its just God cause Messiah hasn't come yet, but she wants to die.
This book nailed it. Especially for modern sufferers, bringing it down to the guilt and betrayal the person feels for and against God. Bringing a super solid picture about what it looks like to rise out of that. It feels like a heartcry- half the book- not whiny and complaining, but well rounded and empathetic, the author understands her struggles so well that when portrayed it feels livid and you understand instead of just hearing the words that so many people shudder to hear "I want to die"
I feel like she addresses the book well to readers who are not dealing with depression, but instead wish to minister to those who are. Warning of hurtful phrases and similar issues that the church unwittingly encourages, bringing an awareness to a lot of sad mistakes that have driven more suicides than we can know.
The book took the job of a support as well as an awareness raiser. I would suggest it as a read to any and all of my friends, because it does bring some freedom to every reader, depressed or not, and speaks so well to the issue of mental health.
This book nailed it. Especially for modern sufferers, bringing it down to the guilt and betrayal the person feels for and against God. Bringing a super solid picture about what it looks like to rise out of that. It feels like a heartcry- half the book- not whiny and complaining, but well rounded and empathetic, the author understands her struggles so well that when portrayed it feels livid and you understand instead of just hearing the words that so many people shudder to hear "I want to die"
I feel like she addresses the book well to readers who are not dealing with depression, but instead wish to minister to those who are. Warning of hurtful phrases and similar issues that the church unwittingly encourages, bringing an awareness to a lot of sad mistakes that have driven more suicides than we can know.
The book took the job of a support as well as an awareness raiser. I would suggest it as a read to any and all of my friends, because it does bring some freedom to every reader, depressed or not, and speaks so well to the issue of mental health.
February 18, 2024
Probably the most compassionate and informative book I've read yet addressing the complex interaction of Christian Faith and mental illness. It's not really comprehensive or especially academic, but it doesn't really need to be to serve its purpose. There's a lot of very valuable guidance, and it's given with so much gentleness and grace.
If you know someone who's crushed beneath shame and blame for their emotional/mental suffering, I recommend exploring this as a resource to share with them.
I actually struggled to really connect with this book, as the interaction of Sarah's faith journey with her struggle felt so different from my own. I also didn't completely agree with everything she said, but I would nonetheless recommend.
Despite overall feeling disconnected, the book still managed to shift my thoughts on self compassion and affirmations- which I previously thought were kinda dumb. I now see there's more value to the concepts than I previously considered. Thanks, Sarah.
4 stars
If you know someone who's crushed beneath shame and blame for their emotional/mental suffering, I recommend exploring this as a resource to share with them.
I actually struggled to really connect with this book, as the interaction of Sarah's faith journey with her struggle felt so different from my own. I also didn't completely agree with everything she said, but I would nonetheless recommend.
Despite overall feeling disconnected, the book still managed to shift my thoughts on self compassion and affirmations- which I previously thought were kinda dumb. I now see there's more value to the concepts than I previously considered. Thanks, Sarah.
4 stars
May 20, 2025
As Anna noted, it isn't comprehensive but it is highly compassionate and informative. I believe Sarah Robinson had it for like 3 yrs in the making before publishing, and you can feel the care she took in her writing. I read it over a span of a year and a half or so, never stressed but happy to continue to pick it up again. Andre got through it much faster and found the content to be helpful as well in understanding aspects of my own journey and supporting me through it. I'll continue to recommend to my friends, as I believe he would as well, it's a solid book
January 22, 2023
I have mixed thoughts on this book. It's a difficult book to read if you are sensitive in nature and some chapters do come with trigger warnings. I had a hard time with the writing style as well. The thing with a book like this is it will never be "one size fits all." There are things I connected with and others I didn't.
October 11, 2021
This book has changed the way I think about my depression and other mental illnesses, and about God and His role in my life. I highly recommend it.
May 3, 2021
I am currently training to be a marriage and family counselor and thought this might be a helpful book for potential clients. I had no idea how much I would identify with much of the material.
It was powerful to read the author’s words and be validated through our shared experiences: denying our emotions, stuffing them down, trying with all our might to overcome but falling short, and the immense feelings of shame that accompany mental illness. I’d argue that religion is a way to channel mental illness-to direct the negative emotions and give us reasons to hold onto them (I’m a sinner and should feel guilt, condemning the flesh, denying oneself of pleasures, etc) that make it seem like one is pious when in reality they are suffering and not fully living. There were many times that I finished a section and felt I was understood, and was simultaneously sad that someone else understood my experience-because it was a really crappy experience.
I appreciate the content warnings and how the subject matter was treated delicately, with immense amounts of grace. It is evident the author’s motivation is to provide help for those walking through depression, anxiety, suicidality, and self-injurious behaviors. I did not read this as a self help book written by an authority figure, but rather a guide/memoir. It didn’t have the feel of “do this and you will feel better!!”, rather it was more of a “this is what I’ve been through, this is what I wish I’d known” book.
I would recommend it to a person of the Christian faith-it is full of scriptures to help the individual and guidance of what to look for when seeking help through medication and/or therapy. The author also references evidence based practices and research to support her claims, which I deeply respect. I would also suggest what the author suggests: take what helps, leave what doesn’t, skip what you don’t feel ready to read.
I received an ARC of this book courtesy of the publisher through NetGalley. The opinions are my own.
It was powerful to read the author’s words and be validated through our shared experiences: denying our emotions, stuffing them down, trying with all our might to overcome but falling short, and the immense feelings of shame that accompany mental illness. I’d argue that religion is a way to channel mental illness-to direct the negative emotions and give us reasons to hold onto them (I’m a sinner and should feel guilt, condemning the flesh, denying oneself of pleasures, etc) that make it seem like one is pious when in reality they are suffering and not fully living. There were many times that I finished a section and felt I was understood, and was simultaneously sad that someone else understood my experience-because it was a really crappy experience.
I appreciate the content warnings and how the subject matter was treated delicately, with immense amounts of grace. It is evident the author’s motivation is to provide help for those walking through depression, anxiety, suicidality, and self-injurious behaviors. I did not read this as a self help book written by an authority figure, but rather a guide/memoir. It didn’t have the feel of “do this and you will feel better!!”, rather it was more of a “this is what I’ve been through, this is what I wish I’d known” book.
I would recommend it to a person of the Christian faith-it is full of scriptures to help the individual and guidance of what to look for when seeking help through medication and/or therapy. The author also references evidence based practices and research to support her claims, which I deeply respect. I would also suggest what the author suggests: take what helps, leave what doesn’t, skip what you don’t feel ready to read.
I received an ARC of this book courtesy of the publisher through NetGalley. The opinions are my own.
May 14, 2021
Robinson narrates her story of depression, self-harm, and suicidal ideations with vulnerability and a painful truth—Christians wrestle with depression. This statement: “I am not disappointed in you” was spoken to her by a supportive friend and it anchors the totality of the mission of her book as being a “compassionate, shame-free guide for your darkest days.”
However, this book is not just her sincere personal story and self-help book, but also a guide for how to help others who struggle with depression.
While I do not share her brand of faith and believe some of her ideas to be unbiblical, I found many of her suggestions valuable. Aside from creating a support team, one of my favorites was to “put plans in place for the bad days.”
I appreciate that she is bringing to light the difficult, upsetting, and substantial truth about the universal and extensive reality of mental health issues that have for years baffled and plagued clueless faith leaders.
However, this book is not just her sincere personal story and self-help book, but also a guide for how to help others who struggle with depression.
While I do not share her brand of faith and believe some of her ideas to be unbiblical, I found many of her suggestions valuable. Aside from creating a support team, one of my favorites was to “put plans in place for the bad days.”
I appreciate that she is bringing to light the difficult, upsetting, and substantial truth about the universal and extensive reality of mental health issues that have for years baffled and plagued clueless faith leaders.
May 13, 2021
Sarah writes with honesty, transparency, and bouyancy. I never imagined someone could write about something so sinister, yet so drenched with hope and joy. She speaks of the darkest side of emotions, even invites us into painful corners of her story, all the while guiding us to look up to Redemption, and giving us tools to help us navigate along the path. She reminds us that suffering demands both compassion, care, and likewise can be tremendously purposeful and holy. Sarah is a master at her trade, and I am forever grateful for this resource. I have and will continue to refer friends to the wisdom of this book.
May 31, 2021
I read this book for a couple of reasons. One, I had OCD for nearly 30 years; I had some depressive episodes along the way. Two years ago I was set free! Additionally, I know people who struggle with depression as I am a teacher. Being curious, I wanted to see how the author approached the topic. There were things I identified with either for myself or on behalf of others. The author is very good at relating to the reader and expressing the heartache of what she has and continues to go through. There are many things that are helpful to the reader such as meditating on Scripture, waiting on the Lord to show passages or verses that are specifically helpful to us, and believing that the Lord loves us (He created us).
However, there were things that also made an appearance into the book that are not Christian and are clearly anti-Christian such as mindfulness, yoga, and making the following statements about God in her notes section in the back: "God is much more than male; after all, he is spirit and doesn't possess a gendered body. Scripture is full of beautiful, feminine descriptions of God." Jesus Christ is certainly not female and God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit are all One. The note correlates to this at the beginning of the book: "For that reason, and many others, assigning a gender to the God who created both male and female as equal image bearers is uncomfortable for many. That said, I've chosen to speak about God in traditional ways, including masculine pronouns, though I acknowledge that may be difficult for believers with different backgrounds and faith experiences. I've done this because it is most familiar to the majority of my readers as well as me. If this is foreign or strange to you, please keep in mind that all our little words are simply signposts pointing to a God whose fullness defies description."
There are things that can be helpful in the book, but there are things that are not Biblical. Please just be aware if you read this book.
I voluntarily received a complimentary copy from WaterBrook and Multnomah. All opinions and thoughts are my own.
However, there were things that also made an appearance into the book that are not Christian and are clearly anti-Christian such as mindfulness, yoga, and making the following statements about God in her notes section in the back: "God is much more than male; after all, he is spirit and doesn't possess a gendered body. Scripture is full of beautiful, feminine descriptions of God." Jesus Christ is certainly not female and God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit are all One. The note correlates to this at the beginning of the book: "For that reason, and many others, assigning a gender to the God who created both male and female as equal image bearers is uncomfortable for many. That said, I've chosen to speak about God in traditional ways, including masculine pronouns, though I acknowledge that may be difficult for believers with different backgrounds and faith experiences. I've done this because it is most familiar to the majority of my readers as well as me. If this is foreign or strange to you, please keep in mind that all our little words are simply signposts pointing to a God whose fullness defies description."
There are things that can be helpful in the book, but there are things that are not Biblical. Please just be aware if you read this book.
I voluntarily received a complimentary copy from WaterBrook and Multnomah. All opinions and thoughts are my own.
May 12, 2021
Sarah is so relatable and explains things I’ve felt but never knew how to put into words. I felt understood and comforted. 10/10 highly recommend this book!
May 12, 2021
I received this book as part of a launch team.
Some people can think that Christian's have it all. If they love Jesus enough they won't ever get sick, will always be happy, will never struggle, and have everything work out in their favour. But as any Christian will tell you, that simply isn't true. The truth is that being a Christian doesn't mean you will never be sick or depressed. Depression can hit anyone, as Sarah Robinson discovered. When she became a Christian as a teen, she thought that was the end of her depression. When she still felt the sadness, and thoughts of suicide and self harm are still creeping into her mind, she thinks she's not being a good Christian. Obviously if she prayed a little harder, or attended Church a little more, God would hear her and take away those feelings. It was years of counselling and help from her friends that finally helped her see it wasn't her fault, and that there are ways to help ease the darkness, even if it never fully goes away.
As someone who has never dealt with depression personally, I have to admit that at one point I didn't understand how anyone would want to kill themselves. I thought that there wasn't a reason for somebody to feel like tomorrow wouldn't be better. That thought process changed a few years ago when I watched 13 reasons why. While I wouldn't recommend people with mental health issues watch that show, it opened my eyes to what someone might go through and why tomorrow might not be soon enough for a better day. I grew up being taught that depression was a chemical imbalance in the brain so I never felt like it depended on whether you believed in God or not, since I have seen how God sometimes heals and other times doesn't, and it's not up to me to know why or how He chooses to heal. This book does give what I would say is a very honest view of it from a Christian's standpoint of what it feels like to be depressed but be a Christian which makes people think you should always be happy. She is also very clear in the book as to what sections of the book highlight her self harm and depression thoughts that may be harmful to people who suffer from mental health issues and recommends when to avoid those sections for your own safety. All in all, I would recommend this book for anybody who is currently suffering from depression, or people like me who know people who are suffering from depression and want to know how to help. If we are being honest, I believe that means everyone should read this. While not everyone is honest with their thoughts of depression because of the stigma surrounding mental health issues, I believe that at least one person in your circle has experienced depression, so reading this may help you recognize it sooner, or give you the tools you need to help them if they open up to you. I remember how shocked I was hearing about Robin Williams, a man who was so funny I never would have dreamed he could not feel happy himself. Hopefully this book will help prevent anymore deaths like his.
Some people can think that Christian's have it all. If they love Jesus enough they won't ever get sick, will always be happy, will never struggle, and have everything work out in their favour. But as any Christian will tell you, that simply isn't true. The truth is that being a Christian doesn't mean you will never be sick or depressed. Depression can hit anyone, as Sarah Robinson discovered. When she became a Christian as a teen, she thought that was the end of her depression. When she still felt the sadness, and thoughts of suicide and self harm are still creeping into her mind, she thinks she's not being a good Christian. Obviously if she prayed a little harder, or attended Church a little more, God would hear her and take away those feelings. It was years of counselling and help from her friends that finally helped her see it wasn't her fault, and that there are ways to help ease the darkness, even if it never fully goes away.
As someone who has never dealt with depression personally, I have to admit that at one point I didn't understand how anyone would want to kill themselves. I thought that there wasn't a reason for somebody to feel like tomorrow wouldn't be better. That thought process changed a few years ago when I watched 13 reasons why. While I wouldn't recommend people with mental health issues watch that show, it opened my eyes to what someone might go through and why tomorrow might not be soon enough for a better day. I grew up being taught that depression was a chemical imbalance in the brain so I never felt like it depended on whether you believed in God or not, since I have seen how God sometimes heals and other times doesn't, and it's not up to me to know why or how He chooses to heal. This book does give what I would say is a very honest view of it from a Christian's standpoint of what it feels like to be depressed but be a Christian which makes people think you should always be happy. She is also very clear in the book as to what sections of the book highlight her self harm and depression thoughts that may be harmful to people who suffer from mental health issues and recommends when to avoid those sections for your own safety. All in all, I would recommend this book for anybody who is currently suffering from depression, or people like me who know people who are suffering from depression and want to know how to help. If we are being honest, I believe that means everyone should read this. While not everyone is honest with their thoughts of depression because of the stigma surrounding mental health issues, I believe that at least one person in your circle has experienced depression, so reading this may help you recognize it sooner, or give you the tools you need to help them if they open up to you. I remember how shocked I was hearing about Robin Williams, a man who was so funny I never would have dreamed he could not feel happy himself. Hopefully this book will help prevent anymore deaths like his.
May 11, 2021
I have walked with many who struggle with severe depression, I have parented a suicidal child, I know that mental health struggles exist even in people who have a deep and strong faith. So when I saw this book available as a launch team option, I knew I wanted to read a believer's perspective on a very real struggle.
I am encouraged by this book that the author reveals her real experiences, sharing the extreme examples of her self-harm, and suicidal tendencies in a different style and font, so that if you might be triggered you can skip that section and the details that don't need to be glorified of how extreme her behaviors and actions were when her brain was unbalanced and she was deeply depressed.
I've read lots of research on trauma, on how our brains work, and how how to help heal those who have endured trauma, and have found that the proven strategies that are found to work, are founded in unconditional love, support, relationship, and connection. But depression and anxiety can't all be managed with other people supporting and loving you, sometimes there is a need for medication and other strategies to help the brain function and the author reminds us of that, as well as how shame impacts our own self-talk and beliefs about who we are. She references well-known research in the field.
In this book, Sarah Robinson shares her experiences with those who lacked knowledge and awareness of mental illness, and their platitudes that hurt, but the love and acceptance that was real, and overarching. She shares scripture throughout her story and truths to help recognize how God feels about the human beings He created.
I appreciated her input on neuroplasticity, that as we "rewire our perceptions of God to better line up with the truth of who He is." It makes so much sense and fits with all I have learned about how we can re-wire a brain through real relationship, which is exactly what I have experienced as I've grown to know God personally.
I have found this book an excellent resource to inform my practice and draw closer to God, and a healthy mindset focusing on the fact that He created me and calls me "Beloved." I have found this book to be something I can recommend to others struggling with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. I think this book would be excellent for leaders in the local church to read and learn how to be most effective when someone struggling with issues like these, seeks out their love, support, and help.
Thankful to partner with Waterbrook Publishing and read an advance copy.
I am encouraged by this book that the author reveals her real experiences, sharing the extreme examples of her self-harm, and suicidal tendencies in a different style and font, so that if you might be triggered you can skip that section and the details that don't need to be glorified of how extreme her behaviors and actions were when her brain was unbalanced and she was deeply depressed.
I've read lots of research on trauma, on how our brains work, and how how to help heal those who have endured trauma, and have found that the proven strategies that are found to work, are founded in unconditional love, support, relationship, and connection. But depression and anxiety can't all be managed with other people supporting and loving you, sometimes there is a need for medication and other strategies to help the brain function and the author reminds us of that, as well as how shame impacts our own self-talk and beliefs about who we are. She references well-known research in the field.
In this book, Sarah Robinson shares her experiences with those who lacked knowledge and awareness of mental illness, and their platitudes that hurt, but the love and acceptance that was real, and overarching. She shares scripture throughout her story and truths to help recognize how God feels about the human beings He created.
I appreciated her input on neuroplasticity, that as we "rewire our perceptions of God to better line up with the truth of who He is." It makes so much sense and fits with all I have learned about how we can re-wire a brain through real relationship, which is exactly what I have experienced as I've grown to know God personally.
I have found this book an excellent resource to inform my practice and draw closer to God, and a healthy mindset focusing on the fact that He created me and calls me "Beloved." I have found this book to be something I can recommend to others struggling with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. I think this book would be excellent for leaders in the local church to read and learn how to be most effective when someone struggling with issues like these, seeks out their love, support, and help.
Thankful to partner with Waterbrook Publishing and read an advance copy.
June 9, 2021
My primary disappointment with the book (and thus the 4-star rating) is that the author completely missed her chance to share a true gospel message when she wrote of her own journey to faith. She could have given a powerful presentation of how Jesus’ incredible love brought Him to earth to voluntarily take the punishment for our sins, and how all we have to do is turn to Him in repentance and acknowledgment of this amazing gift. Instead, this was glossed over with the account of an emotional experience the author had, and a description of “the heady days after I became a Christian.” I really appreciated all the scripture included through the rest of the book, but this is an unfortunate omission, especially considering the intended audience for a book like this. A personal realization and acceptance of Christ’s work on the cross is absolutely foundational for any spiritual/mental healing.
However, for those who have a solid gospel grounding already, this book does offer a lot of insightful thoughts. I don’t agree with every viewpoint or suggestion (clearly the author is less conservative than I am), but there were still many sections I wanted to highlight and savor. The author speaks from a place of great compassion since she has also walked this road (and still is). I appreciated all the very practical ideas for finding a therapist, implementing genuine self care, re-learning how to read the Bible and pray after spiritual abuse, and more. This is advice I wish I’d had many years ago. The book would also be a very helpful resource for those walking with a loved one through depression.
However, for those who have a solid gospel grounding already, this book does offer a lot of insightful thoughts. I don’t agree with every viewpoint or suggestion (clearly the author is less conservative than I am), but there were still many sections I wanted to highlight and savor. The author speaks from a place of great compassion since she has also walked this road (and still is). I appreciated all the very practical ideas for finding a therapist, implementing genuine self care, re-learning how to read the Bible and pray after spiritual abuse, and more. This is advice I wish I’d had many years ago. The book would also be a very helpful resource for those walking with a loved one through depression.
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