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The Language of Love: with Study Guide
Words have incredible meaning, especially when they say what you mean. But often tongues get tied, and thoughts and ideas are expressed in ways that are easily misunderstood. Make the most of your messages by learning The Language of Love. Written by best-selling authors Gary Smalley and John Trent, it shows how “emotional word pictures” can infuse understanding and intimacy into all of your relationships. Great for personal growth, small-group studies, or couples classes!
240 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1920
About the author
Gary Smalley
308 books124 followersGary Smalley was one of the country's best-known authors and speakers on family relationships. He was the award-winning, best-selling author or coauthor of sixteen books, as well as several popular films and videos. The Blessing and The Two Sides of Love have won Gold Medallions, The Language of Love won the Angel Award as the best contribution to family life, and his other titles have received Silver Medallions. His national infomercial Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships has been viewed by television audiences all over the world.
Dr. Greg Smalley graduated with his doctorate degree in clinical psychology from Rosemead School of Psychology at Biola University in Southern California. He also holds master's degrees in counseling psychology (Denver Seminary) and clinical psychology (Rosemead). Dr. Smalley is the director of research and development at Smalley Relationship Center in Branson, Missouri. He lives in Ozark, Missouri with his wife, Erin, and their two daughters, Taylor and Madalyn.
Dr. Greg Smalley graduated with his doctorate degree in clinical psychology from Rosemead School of Psychology at Biola University in Southern California. He also holds master's degrees in counseling psychology (Denver Seminary) and clinical psychology (Rosemead). Dr. Smalley is the director of research and development at Smalley Relationship Center in Branson, Missouri. He lives in Ozark, Missouri with his wife, Erin, and their two daughters, Taylor and Madalyn.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 45 reviews
April 17, 2018
I wasn't sure what to expect when I began reading this book but I was quickly immersed in the book. I had a hard time putting it down and was shocked at how quickly I was able to read it. It offers many different suggestions on how important picture stories are and the simplicity to creating a picture story. Any situation can be a great conversation. This book is highly recommended to help in communication in any setting. I can't wait to apply it to my conversations with my spouse, children, and co-workers. I didn't read the first version but feel this is a great reference for anyone trying to improve communication skills. I received an Advanced Reader's Copy from the publisher.
April 16, 2018
I cannot recommend this book highly enough! We can all learn to communicate more effectively, and this book is the perfect tool for that. The authors walk you through the process step by step to create meaningful word pictures that lead to deeper understanding and more intimate relationships. I’ve already begun using this technique with my children and have seen great success.
I received an advance reader copy of this book.
I received an advance reader copy of this book.
April 15, 2018
This is such a helpful guide to being truly understood in your most important relationships. It's easy to read and full of interesting examples. For my full review, go to http://laurensparks.net/2018/04/the-o....
October 11, 2011
HOW THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE WILL CHANGE THE WAY I PREACH
I have traditionally taught through the Scripture with a clear goal of teaching the truth faithfully and communicating the meaning of the text. I love to use illustrations and passionately seek to guide my students into application of the Scripture. However, my lessons and sermons have not normally contained crafted stories that so vividly communicate to the feelings and needs of my audience. The Language of Love gave me a well structured method for creating better word pictures in my preaching.
Smalley and Trent put into practice their method by vividly presenting word pictures throughout their book that set an example for the reader of how to create word pictures and effectively use them. First, reading their book has given me a desire to more purposefully create my illustrations in order to complement the message that I preach from the text. I have worked over the years to be a good story teller. However, my illustrations are often told off the cuff as a means of entertaining my audience or keeping their attention. This book has challenged me to be more purposeful and thoughtful in how I create those illustrations to complement and enhance the message.
Secondly, Smalley and Trent have encouraged me to better analyze my audience. Stories can be very general in nature which results in the illustration being effective with a few, but not making the point clear with many. By knowing my audience and their interests, I will be able to more effectively communicate to them images that will penetrate their soul and carry forth the message more clearly which is contained within the text.
The Language of Love is and will be an exceptional tool that I will use over the years to more effectively communicate God’s word to those he entrusts to my care. It will also be a tool that I will recommend to others as they seek to communicate to their loved ones and audiences.
I have traditionally taught through the Scripture with a clear goal of teaching the truth faithfully and communicating the meaning of the text. I love to use illustrations and passionately seek to guide my students into application of the Scripture. However, my lessons and sermons have not normally contained crafted stories that so vividly communicate to the feelings and needs of my audience. The Language of Love gave me a well structured method for creating better word pictures in my preaching.
Smalley and Trent put into practice their method by vividly presenting word pictures throughout their book that set an example for the reader of how to create word pictures and effectively use them. First, reading their book has given me a desire to more purposefully create my illustrations in order to complement the message that I preach from the text. I have worked over the years to be a good story teller. However, my illustrations are often told off the cuff as a means of entertaining my audience or keeping their attention. This book has challenged me to be more purposeful and thoughtful in how I create those illustrations to complement and enhance the message.
Secondly, Smalley and Trent have encouraged me to better analyze my audience. Stories can be very general in nature which results in the illustration being effective with a few, but not making the point clear with many. By knowing my audience and their interests, I will be able to more effectively communicate to them images that will penetrate their soul and carry forth the message more clearly which is contained within the text.
The Language of Love is and will be an exceptional tool that I will use over the years to more effectively communicate God’s word to those he entrusts to my care. It will also be a tool that I will recommend to others as they seek to communicate to their loved ones and audiences.
April 17, 2018
The Language of Love Version 2.0, a must read by Gary Smalley and John Trent, came at a significant time in my life. I was honored to be a part of the Launch Team and receive an Advance Reader's Copy from the publisher.
Growing up our family was very close. After Dad passed away and Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, our family lost communication. No matter what we would say, it seemed to come out wrong. Using Word Pictures, as taught in The Language of Love, is bringing healing to our family.
The concept of searching for items within my everyday life; in nature, in objects around me, in stories I could create, reminiscing from the past, and learning things about those I want to communicate with, brought Word Pictures that made emotions buried deep come to the surface. Soon I found those I communicated with were responding with their own Word Pictures and now I understood what they were trying to say.
It was helpful to learn that not all Word Pictures work with all people and there are times to communicate with a particular Word Picture and times to wait.
The chapter written to Millennials by Kari Trent Stageberg was fantastic and helped bridge the communication gap between us seniors and the younger generation. Where we were once speaking a foreign language when together was now a clear picture of what was on our hearts.
People with Alzheimer’s mostly remember the past, so hearing about our history from Mom became even more significant now that we could take those memories and communicate them with Word Pictures.
The update of this book comes out today! It is a must read for all, young and old, who would like to better communicate in your most important relationships.
Growing up our family was very close. After Dad passed away and Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, our family lost communication. No matter what we would say, it seemed to come out wrong. Using Word Pictures, as taught in The Language of Love, is bringing healing to our family.
The concept of searching for items within my everyday life; in nature, in objects around me, in stories I could create, reminiscing from the past, and learning things about those I want to communicate with, brought Word Pictures that made emotions buried deep come to the surface. Soon I found those I communicated with were responding with their own Word Pictures and now I understood what they were trying to say.
It was helpful to learn that not all Word Pictures work with all people and there are times to communicate with a particular Word Picture and times to wait.
The chapter written to Millennials by Kari Trent Stageberg was fantastic and helped bridge the communication gap between us seniors and the younger generation. Where we were once speaking a foreign language when together was now a clear picture of what was on our hearts.
People with Alzheimer’s mostly remember the past, so hearing about our history from Mom became even more significant now that we could take those memories and communicate them with Word Pictures.
The update of this book comes out today! It is a must read for all, young and old, who would like to better communicate in your most important relationships.
April 17, 2018
For years I have been a fan of The 5 Love Languages and then I heard about this book and was so curious about reading this concept of word pictures. I was offered an Advanced Reader Copy by the publisher and I dove in to learn more. But first I read the title and description to my husband and was so excited when he asked me to read it out loud. He isn't a reader but this way we would both learn about this concept together.
This book is a must read for couples to better understand each other- and I believe anyone would benefit for day to day communications at home or work. I can't wait to continue using this process with my husband and kids!
Information is broken down and explained clearly and easily. I also appreciate how the authors used many detailed examples throughout to show the reader ways that this type of communication can work. I recently read another book of this genre and was greatly disappointed at the difficult steps listed and the almost textbook- like writing and I was relieved that this speaks to the reader as if you might be having an easy conversation with the author. This book is one I will keep to repeatedly read and use and have already recommended to friends!
This book is a must read for couples to better understand each other- and I believe anyone would benefit for day to day communications at home or work. I can't wait to continue using this process with my husband and kids!
Information is broken down and explained clearly and easily. I also appreciate how the authors used many detailed examples throughout to show the reader ways that this type of communication can work. I recently read another book of this genre and was greatly disappointed at the difficult steps listed and the almost textbook- like writing and I was relieved that this speaks to the reader as if you might be having an easy conversation with the author. This book is one I will keep to repeatedly read and use and have already recommended to friends!
April 17, 2018
Suppose you were standing on one side of a mountain and someone you loved was on the other. You each climb (and slip), striving to reach the top and each other, but you just can’t quite get there. If the mountain is representative of a communication difficulty, “The Language of Love” will vault you over the mountain to the other side by showing you how to create effective word pictures to help others feel what you mean rather than just hear words. There’s advice for all ages and most situations. Get copies for yourself and your loved ones; you’ll be ever so glad that you did! I received an Advance Reader’s Copy from the publisher.
April 17, 2018
Nearly 30 years ago I read the first edition of The Language of Love and it introduced me to a new way of expressing myself -- which was very important to someone coming from a family background of dysfunctional communication mixed with many forms of abuse. I was so excited to hear that there would be an updated, revised edition, and it does not disappoint. Many examples of word pictures enable you to visualize the principle as you learn how to help people feel your words rather than just hearing them.
I received an Advance Reader's Copy from the publisher.
I received an Advance Reader's Copy from the publisher.
March 13, 2022
The book itself is astoundingly beautiful, the presentation is undeniably aesthetic. It contains wisdom from various quotations. The words written in this book are exactly the thoughts I needed to hear. If you have this book in your bookshelf, better grab it and start reading this one. I highly recommend this to everyone especially those who are in their bad times.
October 16, 2020
I think I've read this book before, but even after I realized that, I continued to read it because the information told here is great and worthy to be reminded of. This books talks about building word pictures for communication and is very eye opening about the power of words when put together to make a picture. I would highly recommend it to anyone.
July 24, 2017
Mostly good, even though the two guys who wrote it are not very smart, especially Smalley. They even admit to their stupidity in the book.
January 14, 2021
I found nothing in this book that might help the way I comunícate with others. Literary devices are not an innovative form of communication.
August 25, 2022
Mid, started off with promise but turned into a white man writing about how emotions are inherently gendered.
December 2, 2022
Interesting book about personalities and word puctures.
April 11, 2023
Really good book, it helps a lot to improve your comunication
January 10, 2017
This is a book that I have read a number of years ago, but decided to re-read again as it is well worth the time. The description on the book says "A powerful way to maximize insight, intimacy and understanding" and that is definitely a great description of the techniques used by these two great authors. They write the book by giving many examples of couples, singles, acquaintances, clients, etc. who have come to them for help and advice and they teach the reader how to use "word pictures" to help explain to others how one is feeling. It is a powerful method of getting our feelings across to a loved one in a way that they will head and understand. There are 101 examples of Life-Tested Word Pictures which appear at the end of the book.
Here are two of them: 56 - "I feel like a hamster in a maze of hills and dark holes, weary from wrong turns and dead ends. I'm scared I may never make it to the light. People sometimes look down to watch what I'm doing. Some encourage me; others make fun of my plight. I often do tricks to try and amuse them, but I'm always afraid of being rejected. And I never ever feel like I'm one of them."
OR
35 - "Today, I feel like a path that seems to be straightening out. The brilliant light shines down on it, making the way sharp, clear, and easy to follow. There is more direction and definition to the path than there has been in years, and fever rocks to climb over."
I hope your day feels more like number 35. Try a Word-Picture to express how you feel as you face this New Year.
Here are two of them: 56 - "I feel like a hamster in a maze of hills and dark holes, weary from wrong turns and dead ends. I'm scared I may never make it to the light. People sometimes look down to watch what I'm doing. Some encourage me; others make fun of my plight. I often do tricks to try and amuse them, but I'm always afraid of being rejected. And I never ever feel like I'm one of them."
OR
35 - "Today, I feel like a path that seems to be straightening out. The brilliant light shines down on it, making the way sharp, clear, and easy to follow. There is more direction and definition to the path than there has been in years, and fever rocks to climb over."
I hope your day feels more like number 35. Try a Word-Picture to express how you feel as you face this New Year.
June 30, 2026
I read The Language of Love with my fiancé, and although it took us awhile to finish, I'm glad we stuck with it.
The biggest takeaway for both of us was the book's central message: using word pictures to help others better understand what we're trying to communicate. That concept alone made the book worthwhile. We also appreciated smaller insights throughout the book, such as learning that the Latin root of "communication," communis, points to finding common ground with one another. As Christians, we especially loved the final word picture, it was a meaningful way to end the book.
The book is filled with memorable illustrations that make its message practical and easy to understand. That said, we both felt it was more repetitive than it needed to be. The authors often reinforced the same ideas, and we think the book could have been significantly shorter without losing its impact.
Even so, the core lesson is powerful and one that I think everyone could benefit from. It's simple enough that I don't feel like I have to reread the book to remember its message, yet meaningful enough to influence how I communicate going forward.
I'll be placing my copy in our community book nook in hopes that someone else picks it up and benefits from it too. While it probably won't become a lifelong keeper on my bookshelf, it's a worthwhile read that offers practical tools for healthier communication.
The biggest takeaway for both of us was the book's central message: using word pictures to help others better understand what we're trying to communicate. That concept alone made the book worthwhile. We also appreciated smaller insights throughout the book, such as learning that the Latin root of "communication," communis, points to finding common ground with one another. As Christians, we especially loved the final word picture, it was a meaningful way to end the book.
The book is filled with memorable illustrations that make its message practical and easy to understand. That said, we both felt it was more repetitive than it needed to be. The authors often reinforced the same ideas, and we think the book could have been significantly shorter without losing its impact.
Even so, the core lesson is powerful and one that I think everyone could benefit from. It's simple enough that I don't feel like I have to reread the book to remember its message, yet meaningful enough to influence how I communicate going forward.
I'll be placing my copy in our community book nook in hopes that someone else picks it up and benefits from it too. While it probably won't become a lifelong keeper on my bookshelf, it's a worthwhile read that offers practical tools for healthier communication.
April 17, 2018
I can’t recommend this book enough. It will make you evaluative your relationships and look at them through a different lens. Any interaction you have with others is significant and this book gives you great tools to use in those moments. You will build deeper, more meaningful relationships with others if you come from a place of love and understanding. This book is great for anyone and I have takeaways from it that will improve me as a mom, wife, friend, coworker etc. We all want to be understood and it’s important that we always try and understand others and this book breaks it down and shows you how to make this a reality.
I received an advanced digital copy of this book from the publisher.
I received an advanced digital copy of this book from the publisher.
September 8, 2018
As someone who loves words and speaking and reading, I was shocked to identify a large gap in the way i understand the people in my life. this book has helped me understand my spouse better, instead of looking (and hearing) merely the words, it's helping to get the whole picture at once. sometimes words, even well meaning and loving, can fall flat or on deaf ears. this book is a great reminder that the how and what are equaly important. i will be sharing this book a lot. i think its a great parenting tool, marriage tool, relationship tool. anyone who is struggling to understand someon they love ahould read this...and if you aren't struggling, read it anyway. ;)
April 28, 2018
I missed the original edition of The Language of Love so I have been taking copious notes while reading this revised second edition. I am a words person, but sometimes struggle with getting a point across. How much better is it to combine your words with a picture so the hearer not only listens to your words, but feels them as well? Jesus used this form of communication abundantly....parables, anyone?
I am only halfway through the book, but I know this will completely change the way I communicate with others!
I received an advanced readers copy from the publisher and will update this review when I finish reading, if needed.
I am only halfway through the book, but I know this will completely change the way I communicate with others!
I received an advanced readers copy from the publisher and will update this review when I finish reading, if needed.
October 10, 2018
Are you a visual learner? Do you struggle with communication with anyone in your life? Then this book is for you. Gary Smalley gives a relationship guidebook to help overcome the struggle of personal and professional hurdles that are inevitable, even when you are trying to say the same things. Using word pictures, Smalley redirects you too better communication.
I received an advance copy from the publisher in exchange for an honest opinion.
I received an advance copy from the publisher in exchange for an honest opinion.
April 17, 2018
I sweetly call my husband The Wordsmith because he is a great writer and I love the way he strings words together, almost melodically. Despite our love for the written word, we have used word pictures to enhance our communication and have seen great results! There is a depth and nuance to communication when we use word pictures that is missing when we are merely speaking words. I'm grateful to these authors for this updated version and have recommended it to many of my friends!
April 18, 2018
I received a digital copy of the book for review.
Word pictures come very easily to me and are already a part of my communication with my children and husband. I nodded my head all throughout the book.
This books demonstrates the effectiveness of a word picture, especially when other communication fails to get the intended message across. The reader learns the important pieces of an effective word picture and how to customize it for your particular audience.
Word pictures come very easily to me and are already a part of my communication with my children and husband. I nodded my head all throughout the book.
This books demonstrates the effectiveness of a word picture, especially when other communication fails to get the intended message across. The reader learns the important pieces of an effective word picture and how to customize it for your particular audience.
July 9, 2012
This book completely changed the way I parented my children and helped me become a better wife. I learned to show each of them that I love them by loving them with their specific love language(s). I also use this concept with most everyone whom becomes a part of my friendship circle. I have passed this book on to many people.
April 17, 2018
This book is a great read and provides readers with numerous examples to improve their communication skills in all aspects of life. The authors focus on teaching readers how to incorporate word pictures into all their relationships, providing readers with a step by step process of how to use this powerful communication tool.
I received an Advanced Reader’s Copy from the publisher.
I received an Advanced Reader’s Copy from the publisher.
August 20, 2008
In this gem, Gary Smalley offers a powerful communication tool for speaking with your loved ones as well as wider audiences. His memorable stories make his points stick long after you've forgotten the words on the page.
November 20, 2013
Exceptionally helpful book aiding to address any possible situation in one's family or social life. The idea is not new; the principles of it were well used as early as in the biblical writing. Great reminder to all of us who forget at the times.
April 18, 2018
As a person with physical limitations, I often struggle with how to express my emotional perspectives to others. Drs. Smalley and Trent have blessed me with the amazing tool of word pictures.This book will forever change the way I communicate, encourage others and keep moving forward in life.
April 17, 2018
Such an Easy read. I love the word picture idea which teach you how to help someone better understand your feelings.
Such a great tool for learning to better communicate with people in your life especially in marriage.
Such a great tool for learning to better communicate with people in your life especially in marriage.
January 2, 2023
I loved this collection of poems. The font used in the book is beautiful and the illustrations coincide with the poems perfectly. I liked the variety of authors and types of poems. This book was truly engaging and lovely to read.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 45 reviews