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True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism--For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals
Combines authoritative information and humanitarian insight into the transsexual experience
Filled with wisdom and understanding, this groundbreaking book paints a vivid portrait of conflicts transsexuals face on a daily basis--and the courage they must summon as they struggle to reveal their true being to themselves and others. True Selves offers valuable guidance for those who are struggling to understand these people and their situations.
Using real life stories, actual letters, and other compelling examples, the authors give a clear understanding of what it means to be transsexual. They also give other useful advice, including how to deal compassionately with these commonly misunderstood individuals--by keeping an open heart, communicating fears, pain and support, respecting choices.
Filled with wisdom and understanding, this groundbreaking book paints a vivid portrait of conflicts transsexuals face on a daily basis--and the courage they must summon as they struggle to reveal their true being to themselves and others. True Selves offers valuable guidance for those who are struggling to understand these people and their situations.
Using real life stories, actual letters, and other compelling examples, the authors give a clear understanding of what it means to be transsexual. They also give other useful advice, including how to deal compassionately with these commonly misunderstood individuals--by keeping an open heart, communicating fears, pain and support, respecting choices.
288 pages, Paperback
First published October 7, 1996
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248 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 42 reviews
September 1, 2016
When I met with my doctor the other week to pick up my prescription, she recommended a book to me that she said really helped her wife come to grips with understanding her husband as a transwoman. As I seem to be on an endless quest to help people understand where I’m coming from, I immediately ordered a copy from Powells and spent a few hours Saturday tearing through its large printed pages.
Written by a Bay Area psychologist who had worked closely with many people through their transitions, True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals paints a vivid picture of what it’s like growing up with feelings of dysphoria, the trauma of puberty, the ways in which adults have dealt with their dysphoria either through trying to build a “normal” life and the moment when the kettle comes to a boil and a person’s true gender can no longer be denied.
There’s a lot in there that I don’t agree with, particularly her ham-fisted attempt at delineating a difference between a transgendered person and a she-male where she claims that she-males are specifically prostitutes that are in some such stage of transition. This is utter bullshit. She-male as a term only has meaning as a pejorative slur which ignorant fucks use for transbashing. See also “lady-boy.” The author fails to take note of the class problems and limited access to resources that has so often pushed transgender people into sex work, and through limiting the scope of that analysis to ignore the broader structural oppression that trans people are subjected to, serves to reinforce the stereotyping of trans people as sexual deviants that leads to slurs like she-male in the first place.
Likewise, she repeatedly misgenders her patients, referring to them as their bio-sex repeatedly through the book. Coming from a trained professional who has worked closely with trans people in a book about helping those new to the concept come to grips with a friend/lover/coworker’s change to have such a glaring problem is just flat out sloppy. Shrink lady, you need a better editor.
Finally, this book was written in 1996, and is very much steeped in the outdated Harry Benjamin Standard of Ethics of Care for transgendered individuals. These standards are what kept me from seeking out treatment to address my dysphoria for a long amount of time, because they set up the psychologist as a gatekeeper who can allow/disallow access to HRT or approval to change genders on state-sanctioned IDs and I chafe at any such constraint upon my free will. I’ve lived over 30 years in this flawed form, needing to prove that to a state-approved professional should not be necessary. Holding the treatment I desire hostage before I jump through the requisite hoops very much makes me feel not like a woman seeking to bring her external form into compliance with her inner representation but more of a deviant needing to prove themselves in the eyes of authority. It’s no wonder that an anti-authoritarian like me was hesitant to plunge into that circle of approval, seeing as I value personal autonomy higher than nearly any other value (as long as you don’t exercise that autonomy to oppress or exploit others, in which case you will learn right quick why I consider myself militant).
While I don’t agree with everything contained therein, it is still the best resource I’ve yet found for explaining dysphoria. The first three chapters, on growing up trans, puberty as a transwoman, and early adulthood where we grapple with ideas of fitting in and passing as a gender that we don’t relate to, are amazing. I’ve never been able to put into words the sense of alienation from people yet needing to perform and be approved of by them that has pervaded so much of my life as these chapters managed to illuminate. You could read 80 of my blog posts and still never get as thorough of an illustration as True Selves manages. This is why, despite all the things it gets wrong, I still think people who want to relate with me should read it.
Written by a Bay Area psychologist who had worked closely with many people through their transitions, True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals paints a vivid picture of what it’s like growing up with feelings of dysphoria, the trauma of puberty, the ways in which adults have dealt with their dysphoria either through trying to build a “normal” life and the moment when the kettle comes to a boil and a person’s true gender can no longer be denied.
There’s a lot in there that I don’t agree with, particularly her ham-fisted attempt at delineating a difference between a transgendered person and a she-male where she claims that she-males are specifically prostitutes that are in some such stage of transition. This is utter bullshit. She-male as a term only has meaning as a pejorative slur which ignorant fucks use for transbashing. See also “lady-boy.” The author fails to take note of the class problems and limited access to resources that has so often pushed transgender people into sex work, and through limiting the scope of that analysis to ignore the broader structural oppression that trans people are subjected to, serves to reinforce the stereotyping of trans people as sexual deviants that leads to slurs like she-male in the first place.
Likewise, she repeatedly misgenders her patients, referring to them as their bio-sex repeatedly through the book. Coming from a trained professional who has worked closely with trans people in a book about helping those new to the concept come to grips with a friend/lover/coworker’s change to have such a glaring problem is just flat out sloppy. Shrink lady, you need a better editor.
Finally, this book was written in 1996, and is very much steeped in the outdated Harry Benjamin Standard of Ethics of Care for transgendered individuals. These standards are what kept me from seeking out treatment to address my dysphoria for a long amount of time, because they set up the psychologist as a gatekeeper who can allow/disallow access to HRT or approval to change genders on state-sanctioned IDs and I chafe at any such constraint upon my free will. I’ve lived over 30 years in this flawed form, needing to prove that to a state-approved professional should not be necessary. Holding the treatment I desire hostage before I jump through the requisite hoops very much makes me feel not like a woman seeking to bring her external form into compliance with her inner representation but more of a deviant needing to prove themselves in the eyes of authority. It’s no wonder that an anti-authoritarian like me was hesitant to plunge into that circle of approval, seeing as I value personal autonomy higher than nearly any other value (as long as you don’t exercise that autonomy to oppress or exploit others, in which case you will learn right quick why I consider myself militant).
While I don’t agree with everything contained therein, it is still the best resource I’ve yet found for explaining dysphoria. The first three chapters, on growing up trans, puberty as a transwoman, and early adulthood where we grapple with ideas of fitting in and passing as a gender that we don’t relate to, are amazing. I’ve never been able to put into words the sense of alienation from people yet needing to perform and be approved of by them that has pervaded so much of my life as these chapters managed to illuminate. You could read 80 of my blog posts and still never get as thorough of an illustration as True Selves manages. This is why, despite all the things it gets wrong, I still think people who want to relate with me should read it.
May 17, 2011
The Good:
later sections on therapy, coming out, and other practical aspects of transition are still pretty useful
The Bad:
the first half of the book is an outdated exercise in irrelevant etiology, parroting the old-school Standard Transsexual Story (while claiming not to, even!)
The Ugly:
in most causes the authors refer to people by their gender assigned at birth, not by how they identify. That alone makes me want to not recommend this book, but if you're highly tolerant of rudeness...
later sections on therapy, coming out, and other practical aspects of transition are still pretty useful
The Bad:
the first half of the book is an outdated exercise in irrelevant etiology, parroting the old-school Standard Transsexual Story (while claiming not to, even!)
The Ugly:
in most causes the authors refer to people by their gender assigned at birth, not by how they identify. That alone makes me want to not recommend this book, but if you're highly tolerant of rudeness...
April 29, 2015
This book is designed to help people cope with and understand their loved one who is going through the Change. One of the best and most informative parts of the book explains the difference between Intersexed, Transvestite, Gay & Lesbian, Drag Queen, She-Male, Female Impersonator, Gender Bender and Transgender/Transsexual. A lot of people never even realize that these are all VERY different terms. Being transsexual has nothing to do with sex, but everything to do with gender identity. This book covers transsexual childhood, teenage years, and adulthood. It talks a lot about cross-dressing. There's a lot of information on therapy. A transsexual is required to get three-months (MINIMUM) of therapy before he or she is allowed to take hormones. Then a transsexual has to undergo a Real-Life Test (RLT) which means they have to live fully, 24/7 as the sex they wish to become FOR A YEAR before they are allowed to get Sexual Reassignment Surgery. The book discusses coming out to family, friends, and coworkers. It discusses 'passing' as a woman or man (changing your legal documents, voice training, electrolysis, etc.). This book also graphically and clinically describes the surgery a Male-to-Female would have to go through, and what a Female-to-Male would have to go through, and the cost. This book is very informative and interesting. If you are a transgendered person, or know someone who is transgendered/transsexual, this book can help you understand more about that.
September 15, 2017
I gave my therapist a copy, since I am her first transgender client. Parts of it are a bit dated now, but there's good information in it still.
December 31, 2018
Compassionate for its time, but the language and view of transgender people and their treatment socially and medically is different now. This book is very outdated. It is a good look into the past, but not a good book to help loved ones understand transgenderism. I would not recommend that transgender people read it, either. Instead, look for a modern book with less prejudice and misunderstanding.
May 4, 2019
The language is horribly outdated and a bit confusing at times, but the overall info and first-hand accounts are great for people who wish to educate themselves on this topic.
June 5, 2012
It was recommended that I send a copy of this book to my family as a resource when I came out to them as trans. I am glad I read it however, because while it was an excellently written book and I thought it would be easy for my family to understand and relate to...it didn't help my cause at all. The book is based on the Harry Benjamin Standards which are rather strict and outdated. There were many things my family was upset about that this book only enforced so I choose not to suggest this in my resource list. Anyone reading it should keep in mind that this is not everyone's path and if you're considering recommending it to family or friends of a trans person, please read it first to be certain it won't be counter productive.
Read
October 10, 2015While it was worth reading for the basic 'people are people who should be treated as people' message and some of its basic information, my primary impression of this book is that it is painfully dated. I imagine that when it was published it was quite helpful, but it does make a number of points that are no longer considered correct today.
December 8, 2008
Would be better named "True Asshattery."
June 13, 2024
This book was very clearly written from the perspective of a therapist, and thus highlights the author's opinion that therapy is an essential ingredient in the process of coming out, transition, and living a full life after transition (in whatever form this takes). While some arguments are given to support this opinion, only a single sentence is given to the opposite: That trans people should be able to choose to live their life however that looks, with full choice and discretion over the timing and particulars of their transition journey. A discerning individual would likely agree that a person's bodily autonomy should in all cases be preserved and upheld, and that an adult with a fully informed opinion should be able to do what they please with their body. Thankfully, we are now moving into an era where this is possible, but these opinions are not treated as valid throughout this book.
While I think it would have been helpful to an audience coming fresh to the subject when this book was released in 1996, I would not recommend it to someone new to this topic today. Lots of out of date terminology is used, particularly the no longer used transvestite, transsexual, transgendered, she-male, gender bender, and the now less common MTF and FTM. These are also often used in confusing ways to a modern audience, such as "transgendered male" being used to refer to a transfeminine person. As well, the author uses birth names and assigned at birth genders and pronouns for a large majority of the book instead of respecting the lived experiences of the patients in question. If someone does not already have a solid understanding of the transgender community, I believe the changes in terminology would be confusing and could possibly set up an uneducated person for embarrassment or to accidentally inflict hurt upon people they might wish to understand and support.
However, I believe the intentions and guts of the book are definitely in the right place, and I'm glad that 30 years ago a book like this was published. If the perspective and language of the therapist are taken out of consideration, the words of the transgender people within the book are authentic and genuine, and express a wide variety of views, opinions, and circumstances of the transgender community. The argument and through line of the book was almost always a perspective that I supported, and was always aimed at loving and supporting the trans people within the book and within the reader's own lives. It also gives many practical worked examples of letters, emails, and conversations to come out to various people in a trans person's life: colleagues, friends, and family. It also provided examples of where things went wrong, as well as hope for the future and resources to support a trans person no matter what else is happening in their life.
Approaching this book from a historical perspective is also very interesting, as the author has many years in dealing with the trans community and can provide a depth of experience and sample from this community, including many different stories and voices throughout the text. In this way, even including the glaringly out of date language, the book assumes an important part in the historical canon of transgender literature and proof that we have always been here, and that there have always been those ready and willing to support us, in whatever way possible. It also gives worked examples of how transgender people were treated, and the language they used for themselves, as well as the language that was used about them.
While not recommended for a reader new to this community, someone with an already established understanding of who and what transgender people are will find many useful facts and stories within this book.
While I think it would have been helpful to an audience coming fresh to the subject when this book was released in 1996, I would not recommend it to someone new to this topic today. Lots of out of date terminology is used, particularly the no longer used transvestite, transsexual, transgendered, she-male, gender bender, and the now less common MTF and FTM. These are also often used in confusing ways to a modern audience, such as "transgendered male" being used to refer to a transfeminine person. As well, the author uses birth names and assigned at birth genders and pronouns for a large majority of the book instead of respecting the lived experiences of the patients in question. If someone does not already have a solid understanding of the transgender community, I believe the changes in terminology would be confusing and could possibly set up an uneducated person for embarrassment or to accidentally inflict hurt upon people they might wish to understand and support.
However, I believe the intentions and guts of the book are definitely in the right place, and I'm glad that 30 years ago a book like this was published. If the perspective and language of the therapist are taken out of consideration, the words of the transgender people within the book are authentic and genuine, and express a wide variety of views, opinions, and circumstances of the transgender community. The argument and through line of the book was almost always a perspective that I supported, and was always aimed at loving and supporting the trans people within the book and within the reader's own lives. It also gives many practical worked examples of letters, emails, and conversations to come out to various people in a trans person's life: colleagues, friends, and family. It also provided examples of where things went wrong, as well as hope for the future and resources to support a trans person no matter what else is happening in their life.
Approaching this book from a historical perspective is also very interesting, as the author has many years in dealing with the trans community and can provide a depth of experience and sample from this community, including many different stories and voices throughout the text. In this way, even including the glaringly out of date language, the book assumes an important part in the historical canon of transgender literature and proof that we have always been here, and that there have always been those ready and willing to support us, in whatever way possible. It also gives worked examples of how transgender people were treated, and the language they used for themselves, as well as the language that was used about them.
While not recommended for a reader new to this community, someone with an already established understanding of who and what transgender people are will find many useful facts and stories within this book.
May 26, 2023
After reading She Isn't There, which recommended this book, I was curious--even though I figured it would be outdated in many ways. I didn't take the medical/surgical information too seriously, for that reason, but did learn one interesting tidbit: the fetal cells that form the genitals do so about 4 weeks before the brain cells of the area that governs gender identity. Significance to be determined.
Stories from patients' experiences seemed mostly transferable to today, with one exception. Many of the traumas and difficulties reported relate to late-in-life changes. With today's treatment starting sooner, some of that would be avoided; difficulties would still present, but differently.
Some day I may look for an up to date book on the subject.
Stories from patients' experiences seemed mostly transferable to today, with one exception. Many of the traumas and difficulties reported relate to late-in-life changes. With today's treatment starting sooner, some of that would be avoided; difficulties would still present, but differently.
Some day I may look for an up to date book on the subject.
January 10, 2025
This is an older book, and the word "transexualism" is no longer used. When I read this, it was given to me by a dear friend who also happened to be transgender. It was 2008, I had a lot of questions, and this book changed my thinking for the better. Despite the title, the substance of this book is good.
May 3, 2018
I gave this book to my parents after I came out and I think it helped explain things. This is a solid, basic 101 type read; good for people who have no grounding in trans identities. A bit old-fashioned nowadays, but a decent primer.
June 15, 2020
Most of the information w2as not new to me but the personal experiences were informative and ev3en reassuring. The author is clearly an expert and anyone who is interested in this subject should read this book.
Want to read
July 3, 2021July 19, 2019
The essential book for anyone who is questioning their gender, transitioning, or their friends, families, and allies.
November 25, 2015
One of the most heart wrenching books I've read. I can understand both sides. Gender Dysphoria is something you can never prove, because it's something completely internal. So far, there is no clear biological basis for GID. And, we face this problem, just as despite being a man, I can't speak for all men, how can anyone know what it's like to be a man or a woman. A mother wrote of her MTF son, challenging him as to how he could ever claim to be a woman, having not grown up as one. Certainly no Transgendered person grows up, from birth, as their identified sex, or they wouldn't be transgendered. And, I could only imagine that many, most, or all would give almost anything to not have the pain of a dysphoria. There examples in the book of both some of the kindest of moments, and some of the worst. I am a little skeptical as I wasn't clear if the author was just a working therapist or a researcher. That matters as a working therapist can be blinded by what seems to be working for her clients without any empirical checks to be sure she's achieving the results she thinks she has. Regardless, this seems to be a good overview of so much of the experience of the transsexual. I felt it was a real eye opener. I am inspired by those who make the transition, as it's far from easy.
September 9, 2008
while in general i thought this was a good book, a nice, basic overview to dealing with transssexual people, i also found it to be really condescending to transsexuals. i found the authors used confusing pronouns and didn't get it right on a number of occasions.
i also felt that this book, in the way it talked about transsexual people, really pathologized and trivialized them. i know it's a book for people who are coming to terms with someone in their life, but to be so consistently trite towards transsexual people, and to continually refer to people in a disconnected way was really frustrating as a reader.
overall the book was decent, a good primer i suppose. definitely quite a bit outdated. i think it would have helped for there to be a transsexual as one of the authors.
i also felt that this book, in the way it talked about transsexual people, really pathologized and trivialized them. i know it's a book for people who are coming to terms with someone in their life, but to be so consistently trite towards transsexual people, and to continually refer to people in a disconnected way was really frustrating as a reader.
overall the book was decent, a good primer i suppose. definitely quite a bit outdated. i think it would have helped for there to be a transsexual as one of the authors.
May 27, 2011
This book is a good, general introduction to transgendered people and how society perceives them. While it is a valuable guide, it is neither comprehensive nor entirely accurate. The book contains many generalizations that do not ring true. The authors often use incorrect names and/or pronouns for a number of the patients referred to in the book, which is both confusing and inappropriate. Nevertheless, if someone you know is transgender, this book will help give you some (rudimentary) insight into the mental anguish that your friend, colleague, or family member experiences on a regular basis. The book also describes some of the ways that transgendered individuals can cope with their issues, and describes various medical options, including hormones and surgery.
May 18, 2010
Way back when I first read this, in the university library in 2000 or so, I would have rated this at five stars; but then, I probably would have been crying my eyes out at the time, too. This book was instrumental in helping me come close enough to terms with my transsexuality to get treatment, and for that I think it's wonderful: the personal stories within resonated with me in way nothing else ever had.
But I think it's also rather narrow, as well, and may not really reflect the realities of trans people today. If you have private internet access and you want to explore your identity, you can find better on the web within ten minutes.
But I think it's also rather narrow, as well, and may not really reflect the realities of trans people today. If you have private internet access and you want to explore your identity, you can find better on the web within ten minutes.
May 25, 2007
It's a good introduction book for people who want to know about transsexual issues and the process of transitioning. It does show its age (1996), and is limited in its demographics of mainly older transsexuals.
Good book for people to read when a loved one or a friend has recently come out as transsexual.
Good book for people to read when a loved one or a friend has recently come out as transsexual.
October 9, 2008
This is a book that I recommend to anyone who wants to know about transsexuals or anyone who is just starting to transition, this book is a wonderful resource for anyone who wants to know more or wants their family to know more. My friend Piper loaned her copy to her employer to educate him. This is a great book.
August 4, 2012
I may be going against the grain, but I found this book dated -- it just did not resonate with me. I think Transgender Explained For Those Who Are Not is a much better "primer" on transsexuality.
June 30, 2013
It was a insightful book, but I wish the author would've clarified how she was going to address the patients throughout the book. It appeared that she kept switching the way she would address the patient- either as their birth sex or as their true sex. However, the book is a good resource for anyone who would like to understand the transgendered population more.
December 5, 2007
fascinating! great for an overview about transsexuals, especially for friends, family, and professionals (just like the subtitle says) but if you're looking for a little something more in depth, I suggect picking up another book.
June 27, 2009
Good overview about the condition / progression from a therapist's perspective on her clients. Not entirely relevant to what I wanted, but it seemed to encompass a lot of information in the couple hundred pages.
February 16, 2010
My therapist recommended this book and while there is some decent information in there and some things I identify with the language and generalizations about transgendered and transsexual people is very maddening.
July 8, 2020
This is a great book but is beginning to show its age, especially regarding vocabulary. Also, there is some conflation of expression that was common when the book was written. I originally gave the book 5 stars but have moved it to 4 just due to it needing some updating.
December 8, 2007
Good for people that don't understand.
I gave this one to my mom to read.
I gave this one to my mom to read.
January 16, 2010
an great look in to the issue
Displaying 1 - 30 of 42 reviews