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True to Both My Selves
TRUE TO BOTH MY SELVES is an extraordinary account of a childhood disjointed by country and by war. Curiously mirroring her English grandmother, who married a German hairdresser in London and was then expelled to Germany following the First World War, Katrin Fitzherbert was born in Germany in 1936 and lived under Hitler's regime until, at the age of eleven, she was suddenly 'repatriated' to an England she had never known. There she had to forget her German father and the German language. This is the story of three generations of remarkable women, and their struggle for survival and integrity as individuals in times divided by war.
319 pages, Paperback
First published October 29, 1997
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
March 31, 2023
This book was written by my great-aunt. My paternal grandfather was Udo (later John Norris), her brother. This book is profoundly meaningful to my family and I. It's the story of how we came to be: Of how my grandfather and great-aunt, while still children, were uprooted from their lives and forced to reinvent themselves. To me, this book is about shame, love, grief, and hope. It's about perseverance and acceptance. It's about being alive in a world where things don't always work out, but human bonds – plus the human spirit – can overcome anything. While I (of course) am biased, I believe this book continues to bear lessons that cannot, and should not, be forgotten a generation after the war.
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March 14, 2023This biography is at times contradictory;
Speaking of her grandmother; "[She], too, was popular; nobody could resist her wit and liveliness and, particularly after the Fritz Johne incident, she could do no wrong on Fauststrasse. She felt so much part of the community that she was not afraid to use her well-known fierceness if someone needed putting in his place"..."For both of them [her mother and her grandmother] the key to being accepted was the confidence they inspired by the fact that their loyalties in the war were firmly on the German side. And so they were." p.73
However in Ally occupied Berlin in 1945, British and American visitors "were clearly taken aback the first time they called to have to door opened by a diminutive grey haired lady so English that she could easily have been their mother or aunt. She was a real character, too, and they quickly succumbed to her lively personality, quick wit and funny stories. She acquired a large circle of admirers; after twenty-five years of being regarded as a curiosity, Oma was being appreciated for herself, respected, even held in awe and she basked in the experience". p.184-5
Which one is it? The pragmatism of this family is astonishing. While the fighting is still going on in Berlin, Katrin's mother is forging Army discharge papers at the house of a local anti-nazi, with equipment procured by her husband - a Hitler youth leader. The switch from Party member and supporter to the other side was prepared before this, and put into action when the time came.
What comes across in this memoire is the kindness offered to this family, in both Germany and Britain, by their extended family, friends as well as by strangers. However, like their German nationality, these strangers are discarded as soon as they are no-longer useful, with little regret.
"When my summons to re-join my family at last arrived, I was elated but Aunty Hyne cried. She reproached me for not being in the least sorry to leave her. I wished I was better at pretending but there was no way I could conceal my joy. p.265. "My three years in Cornwall [with Mrs Hyne]...were idyllic in every way but one, a serene, secure and enriching interlude of my growing-up providing the benign environment I needed to practice my new English identity and become integrated".
What stands out as well is that among all these reminiscences, there are none where Katrin's family help others unless there is some benefit for themselves. I think this mindset is a reaction to the difficult economic situation in Germany at that time. It is quite understandable that Katrin's parents preferred the better standard of living offered by Canada and England. Who would not, in their place, do all they could to ensure the best environment and education possible for their children? If one country fails to provide this, chose another one and shed the old beliefs on the way. Although I can empathise with their situation, I didn't find them at all likable. Clever, cultured, bold, interesting, good at bargaining and entirely self interested. Many lives touched theirs and made it better, but I doubt if anyone could say the same of them.
Speaking of her grandmother; "[She], too, was popular; nobody could resist her wit and liveliness and, particularly after the Fritz Johne incident, she could do no wrong on Fauststrasse. She felt so much part of the community that she was not afraid to use her well-known fierceness if someone needed putting in his place"..."For both of them [her mother and her grandmother] the key to being accepted was the confidence they inspired by the fact that their loyalties in the war were firmly on the German side. And so they were." p.73
However in Ally occupied Berlin in 1945, British and American visitors "were clearly taken aback the first time they called to have to door opened by a diminutive grey haired lady so English that she could easily have been their mother or aunt. She was a real character, too, and they quickly succumbed to her lively personality, quick wit and funny stories. She acquired a large circle of admirers; after twenty-five years of being regarded as a curiosity, Oma was being appreciated for herself, respected, even held in awe and she basked in the experience". p.184-5
Which one is it? The pragmatism of this family is astonishing. While the fighting is still going on in Berlin, Katrin's mother is forging Army discharge papers at the house of a local anti-nazi, with equipment procured by her husband - a Hitler youth leader. The switch from Party member and supporter to the other side was prepared before this, and put into action when the time came.
What comes across in this memoire is the kindness offered to this family, in both Germany and Britain, by their extended family, friends as well as by strangers. However, like their German nationality, these strangers are discarded as soon as they are no-longer useful, with little regret.
"When my summons to re-join my family at last arrived, I was elated but Aunty Hyne cried. She reproached me for not being in the least sorry to leave her. I wished I was better at pretending but there was no way I could conceal my joy. p.265. "My three years in Cornwall [with Mrs Hyne]...were idyllic in every way but one, a serene, secure and enriching interlude of my growing-up providing the benign environment I needed to practice my new English identity and become integrated".
What stands out as well is that among all these reminiscences, there are none where Katrin's family help others unless there is some benefit for themselves. I think this mindset is a reaction to the difficult economic situation in Germany at that time. It is quite understandable that Katrin's parents preferred the better standard of living offered by Canada and England. Who would not, in their place, do all they could to ensure the best environment and education possible for their children? If one country fails to provide this, chose another one and shed the old beliefs on the way. Although I can empathise with their situation, I didn't find them at all likable. Clever, cultured, bold, interesting, good at bargaining and entirely self interested. Many lives touched theirs and made it better, but I doubt if anyone could say the same of them.
May 26, 2023
Biographical accounting of a young woman who is born English , moved to Germany in 1936 before the war, father is a confirmed German and Nazi. The struggle through the war and end of the war to balance her “true GermanNazi self “ and beliefs after the fall of Germany and the uncovering of all that was a lie by Hitler. She is ultimately repatriated to England, studies and thrives there, but always feels displaced and untrue to who she was raised as when her whole family (mother , brother, grandparents) move on and put their ugly past to rest. Her father and mother divorce and remarry, and she is never really able to fully establish a true relationship with her father with questions of “what did he really do as a Nazi” hanging over her. Tough read from another point of view of what the experience of being German at that time was like.
A loan from friend Mary Bergman.
A loan from friend Mary Bergman.
November 10, 2020
An interesting read. I’ve read quite a few books recently about Germans denial of ever knowing anything about the Holocaust or the concentration camps. And as for being a Nazi or having any relatives or friends that were Nazis I think the whole country was in denial! For a child growing up in Nazi Germany under Adolf Hitler they would’ve known no different and thought that his way was the only way and it would’ve become normalised. I can understand how hard it must’ve been to adjust to another way of thinking and living!
July 23, 2025
I loved this book. Stayed up way past my bedtime to continue reading it and had to read it through to the end. Katrin Fitzherbert's memoir captures the confusing state of her childhood--going from a six year old Nazi with a love for Hitler to finishing up as a repatriated British citizen. This was such a unique perspective on the events of WWII and FitzHerbert's voice is so enjoyable. Highly recommended.
October 5, 2018
An astonishing story, powerfully and honestly told. One of the most impactful books I have ever read. Her story will remain with me for a very long time
January 21, 2020
Fascinating, informative and moving autobiography that gives an unusual and rarely heard perspective on the second world war.
August 25, 2020
V unusual autobiography following a family history starting in England just before First World War where English mother marries a German. Definitely worth reading and very enjoyable
March 20, 2023
Read a different edition not on Goodreads: True to Both My Selves, Slightly Foxed Editions, isbn: 9781910898796.
September 20, 2014
I would recommend this book to anyone who's ever wondered how Hitler and the Nazis managed to gain so much power.
It tells in more detail than we are taught how bad the political situation Germany really was when the Nazis got into power. The author describes having to hide in a flat above her parents shop while there was gun fire in the street and waking up with new people in charge every morning for example. She also talks about the food shortages there were in Germany and seeing starving Russian prisoners, It's easy to see how Hitler was able to win over the German public by establishing order and getting things running again. It also lets you see how the propaganda campaign Hitler used really worked and won over many of the politically naive people at first.
It's also a very written book, that shows you Hitler's rise to power through the eyes of a young girl in Germany. Then subsequently the disillusionment she suffered growing up realising it was all wrong and in fact atrocities had been committed. It's very moving to read how her family were at first taken in by Hitler's propaganda, and how it effected them when it all fell apart.
It tells in more detail than we are taught how bad the political situation Germany really was when the Nazis got into power. The author describes having to hide in a flat above her parents shop while there was gun fire in the street and waking up with new people in charge every morning for example. She also talks about the food shortages there were in Germany and seeing starving Russian prisoners, It's easy to see how Hitler was able to win over the German public by establishing order and getting things running again. It also lets you see how the propaganda campaign Hitler used really worked and won over many of the politically naive people at first.
It's also a very written book, that shows you Hitler's rise to power through the eyes of a young girl in Germany. Then subsequently the disillusionment she suffered growing up realising it was all wrong and in fact atrocities had been committed. It's very moving to read how her family were at first taken in by Hitler's propaganda, and how it effected them when it all fell apart.
May 2, 2018
A remarkable account of a family of mixed German and English parentage during the first and second World Wars. Rejected at different times by both nations and also at times by various relations within their own families, the resilience of the survivors is an enthralling story.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews