Worm on a Hook

by Vern

When they rented a cabin on Iskum Island for Memorial Day Weekend, Carmen and friends figured they’d maybe do some hiking, probably some fishing, definitely some drinking. One thing that was not on the agenda: becoming prey to Stoneback, a legendary hook-handed killer returned from the grave with deadly skills and inhuman powers. Fortunately, there’s one person on the island with elite combat training, a whole lot of weapons, and a damn good reason to put Stoneback’s undead ass back in the dirt.

Vern, the author of the cult film criticism opus Seagalogy, combines his love for the exploits of stoic ex-black-ops ass-kickers with the hallowed traditions of slasher movies to create an action-horror hybrid that will crack skulls and tingle spines in equal measure.

366 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 4, 2020

About the author

Vern, the self-styled ‘outlaw film critic’, is known to millions for his hilarious reviews on the Ain’t It Cool News website, and is described by Hellboy director Guillermo Del Toro as “equal parts Hell’s Angels and Pauline Kael... a national treasure!”

Reviews

[Jon Von · Rating 4 out of 5]

Starts as a typical slasher but morphs into a triple-dose action blockbuster. A group of young people arrive on a touristy American island for a craft beer festival, only to find that there's a legend of an undead killer and they're staying in his cabin. They soon meet a mysterious young woman named Florence who is staying with them and then things kick into gear.

The killer is a former elite military soldier, and now that he's an undead superbeast, it's going to take an arsenal of weapons and a lot of guts to take him down. This undead slasher takes a lot of punishment, and this book is a series of escalating set pieces that are epic in scope. Surprisingly intelligent and action-packed, this goes the distance and is also just a hell of a great monster movie. I'm not familiar with this author. He's a critic of some renown apparently?

[Justin Decloux · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love out Outlaw Vern's criticism, so I was overjoyed to discover his second novel tackled the slasher genre, and even better, mixed it with the insane action theatrics of the best kind of 80s trash blockbuster. It's got all the usual horror movie place setting, but once things go to hell and the unkillable slasher rears his head, Vern doesn't take his foot off the break as he jumps from neck-snapping set-piece t0 head-crushing set-piece. His first novel NIKETOWN is a more of a hang-out Elmore Leonard affair, but this is a completely different beast and makes me excited to see what he tackles next. If you like slasher stories, versus stories, action movies, or excitement, you owe it to yourself to give this one a read.

[Steven Edmondson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Without doubt the best book I have ever read about a zombie Navy Seal attacking a craft beer festival.

[Tj · Rating 4 out of 5]

Expected awesomeness from the one and only Outlaw Vern, and this succeeded completely. An unholy amalgamation of old school slashers like Friday the 13th and mindfuck warfare like Universal Soldier, but with pathos for both victim and killer, reminding me of First Blood. Well done and excited for the maybe possible sequel hinted at

[Jon Waldman · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great combo of slasher horror and action. Good characters, a breakneck pace, and tons of over the top violence, creativity, and fun. Feels like a book tailor made for my sensibilities.

[John Bruni · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this is a better novel than Niketown. It's a lot more focused. A lot tighter. I also enjoy Vern's influences. He wears them proudly on his sleeve. You'll find a little of First Blood, some Jaws and even Charlie's Angels by way of Kill Bill. A group of youths go to a beer fest on an isolated island on Memorial Day not knowing that an unkillable murderer is out there killing people, and police coverage is very slim. So yeah, Vern is going into this thing with a slasher mentality. But then it's also kind of an action story, too. But the conventions you expect are turned on their head. For example, when you think of a killer with a hook for a hand, you tend to think of guys like Candyman. This guy actually has a prosthetic hook that most people get if they lose a hand, like the guy in The Best Years of Our Lives or my mom's high school math teacher. And when you realize that it's going to be a slasher versus a military person, and you meet the character who is supposedly the hero, it turns out to be someone else, very much in the vein of, say, Psycho. So I had a lot of fun with this book. I just have one complaint, and I know no one else is going to care about it, but here we go. I can't stand flashbacks, and a lot of this book is told in flashback. When I read one of these things, I can't help but think that the author maybe started his story at the wrong spot. I'd rather take exposition over flashback. I know, I know, it's a weird gripe, but that's what I think. Don't let it deter you. This book is a lot of fun.

[Jordan West · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5; a fun retro-slasher that asks what if Jason Vorhees was also the Universal Soldier? Surprisingly earnest and relatively restrained for a novel about an unstoppable killing machine rampaging through the countryside, especially given the author's reputation as a Joe Bob Briggs-esque advocate of B movie excess - the more naturalistic rendition here provides an intriguing contrast to genre conventions, but even so, things never ended up going off the chain as much as I'd hoped. Still, there's oodles of carnage on display, a definitely unconventional origin for its inhuman killer, and a last minute twist that all but invites a sequel, so overall aficionados of masked psychopaths should find a lot to appreciate.

[Mathias Larsen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Action-packed horror with heart and guts in equal measure. Seriously silly thrills with moxie and badass juxtapositions.

[Vicente Díaz Blázquez · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a tremendously fun pulp novel, but it's also the coolest action movie you've seen this year. And a brutal comic. And it could work as a kick ass video game.

[Patrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved the ending.

[Benjamin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Clever action horror

Finds the common ground between body-count slasher and body-count action flicks, then spills a hell of a lot of blood on that ground and blows it up.

[Dan Prestwich · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fast and fun and never less than very readable, and if I don't think it always manages to make the blending of slasher movie and action movie tropes work, it's at least a nifty idea that makes for a solid hook (ha ha).

B-

[Zenik · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's not often an author asks a question like the following: what would happen if John Rambo came back from the dead Jason Voorhees-style to terrorize a beer festival, all while being hunted by Sarah Connor? Vern delivers an answer that will blow your dome open. A beautiful blend of 80s horror and action genre film tropes comes together for a phenomenal pedal-to-the-metal thrill ride that burns rubber to its literal last piece of punctuation. If you love films like Friday the 13th, Rambo: First Blood, Halloween, or Universal Soldier, you need to read this book.