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Black Women, Black Love: America's War on African American Marriage
In this analysis of social history, examine the complex lineage of America's oppression of Black companionship.According to the 2010 US census, more than seventy percent of Black women in America are unmarried. Black Women, Black Love reveals how four centuries of laws, policies, and customs have created that crisis.Dianne Stewart begins in the colonial era, when slave owners denied Blacks the right to marry, divided families, and, in many cases, raped enslaved women and girls. Later, during Reconstruction and the ensuing decades, violence split up couples again as millions embarked on the Great Migration north, where the welfare system mandated that women remain single in order to receive government support. And no institution has forbidden Black love as effectively as the prison-industrial complex, which removes Black men en masse from the pool of marriageable partners.Prodigiously researched and deeply felt, Black Women, Black Love reveals how white supremacy has systematically broken the heart of Black America, and it proposes strategies for dismantling the structural forces that have plagued Black love and marriage for centuries.
337 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 6, 2020
47 people are currently reading
1907 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 38 reviews
December 13, 2020
Dianne Stewart’s book makes the argument that systemic racism has kicked many Black men out of the marriage pool which in turn causes Black women to less likely be married compared to White women. Racism's effect makes Black women's marriage choices slim, the system creates less marriageable Black men for Black women to marry. Stewart calls this a civil rights issue that has been neglected and unrecognized. She makes the argument that systemic racism has made Black Love “forbidden”, this may seem like a strong term but once you read the book it makes alot of sense. Stewart covers the effect of slavery, white terrorism, welfare, mass incarceration, colorism, wealthlessness and other factors that have caused this issue. She even pulls a W.E.B. Du Bois by saying, “the problem of the twenty-first century remains the problem of forbidden Black love”. Stewart's book is strong because she uses a mix of historical and contemporary stories and social science studies to make her points. I promise you will learn alot from this book. It definitely left me with alot to think about.
February 13, 2022
So this is pretty hard for me, as I was really looking forward to getting this book. I usually borrow from the library, but because this book is new and unavailable in my local library (and I really like to purchase books by little known POC) I decided to buy it through audible instead. As an unambiguously black, heterosexual woman born in the 80s, this book’s main topics hit really close to home for me in so many ways. I appreciated the authors care in tackling such difficult subjects (though many were also covered in Caste which was released less than 2 months prior) yet provided a full analysis of the effects structural racism has on African Americans. I also liked that she didn’t attack religion as many books marketed to the black community do. Instead she called out certain aspects of religious life that may not serve the interest of the black community and she detailed exactly why. Also, she discussed the roles the wealth gap and colorism play into the declining rates of black marriages which in my opinion isn’t talked about nearly enough.
Why 3 stars..? To be direct, the book is largely depressing. There were so many stories of atrocities committed against black folks, I found myself zoning out from time to time to keep my head from throbbing continuously in anger. The fact that I also read Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents earlier this month also made it painful because I relived many of the horrifying stories from slavery yet again all the name of educating myself during “Nonfiction November”. But, it wasn’t the authors fault I had just finished the other book, so I worked really hard not to hold the repetition against her.
Also, chapter 3 felt very unorganized and misplaced in keeping with the theme of the attack on black love. It felt like rambling aimed at giving the government a strict talking to about the ills of the welfare system and its role in keeping black men out of the household. I understand why she chose to add it in, but it very much placed all of the blame on government and very little on those who couldn’t or wouldn’t care for the children they left behind. Yes, much of it is due to the war on drugs and the prison industrial complex (described in chapter 4), but it left little room for human decisions which I feel cannot be completely discounted.
The only light in the book was the final chapter which focused more on black women thriving, which was refreshing as I found the book to mostly be male-identified leaning. Including information about Michelle Obama and Kheris Rogers’ stories added the texture it needed pull the readers back in. I did think the added portions that stemmed from social media influencers was a bit odd as I’m not sure how well-researched their data is, but I thought it was an attempt to give black women hope so I was okay with it.
Lastly, the final section about the TV show Being Mary Jane was a very strange addition, as it’s fictional and not all black women have watched the show. I wish she hadn’t ended it this way, it made it a bit awkward and felt too dependent on pop culture references vs informed opinions from credible sources.
3 stars.
Why 3 stars..? To be direct, the book is largely depressing. There were so many stories of atrocities committed against black folks, I found myself zoning out from time to time to keep my head from throbbing continuously in anger. The fact that I also read Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents earlier this month also made it painful because I relived many of the horrifying stories from slavery yet again all the name of educating myself during “Nonfiction November”. But, it wasn’t the authors fault I had just finished the other book, so I worked really hard not to hold the repetition against her.
Also, chapter 3 felt very unorganized and misplaced in keeping with the theme of the attack on black love. It felt like rambling aimed at giving the government a strict talking to about the ills of the welfare system and its role in keeping black men out of the household. I understand why she chose to add it in, but it very much placed all of the blame on government and very little on those who couldn’t or wouldn’t care for the children they left behind. Yes, much of it is due to the war on drugs and the prison industrial complex (described in chapter 4), but it left little room for human decisions which I feel cannot be completely discounted.
The only light in the book was the final chapter which focused more on black women thriving, which was refreshing as I found the book to mostly be male-identified leaning. Including information about Michelle Obama and Kheris Rogers’ stories added the texture it needed pull the readers back in. I did think the added portions that stemmed from social media influencers was a bit odd as I’m not sure how well-researched their data is, but I thought it was an attempt to give black women hope so I was okay with it.
Lastly, the final section about the TV show Being Mary Jane was a very strange addition, as it’s fictional and not all black women have watched the show. I wish she hadn’t ended it this way, it made it a bit awkward and felt too dependent on pop culture references vs informed opinions from credible sources.
3 stars.
January 15, 2021
Y'all...I'll try to explain what I think about Black Women, Black Love. This isn't a book that
blames Black women for being single or tries to give outrageously bad advice on how to become a Mrs. Instead, Dianne M. Stewart traces the concept of marriage back to how African tribes defined the institution and how it differs so much from what is traditionally believed to be an ideal marriage. Is this ideal, rooted in Western European standards and patriarchy something African Americans should aspire to? What does racism and systemic oppression have to do with marriage, a seemingly personal decision between two people? Why is marriage seen as a necessary component to a healthy and fulfilled life? Should society norms be the foundation for cultivating a happy lifelong union? These are the questions that I had at the beginning of the book and Stewart provided a thorough explanation to each question and more. To be clear, this book is more academic than self help and the author acknowledges that her analysis is focused on heterosexual/cisgender couples only.
I really admire how Stewart organized the text. Each chapter covers a time period beginning with slavery and moving throughout the 20th/21st century. I think this is beneficial for the reader because it presents a compelling issue for the time and connects to the core argument of how racism is a powerful weapon that destroys much, but it can be rendered powerless by refusing to let it rule all aspects of life. How this is put into practice will more than likely differ, but I think it's pertinent to ask "why do I think/believe/act" first. A second plus is the inclusion of lived experiences for each time period. In this text, a reader will learn who Margaret Garner, William & Ellen Craft, Mary Turner, Frazier & Lavinia Baker, and several others are and why their stories should not remain cloaked in silence.
Things that caught my attention:
Introduction-"From the early 1500s to the mid -1800s, African men and women were brought against their will to America not for love but for the labor and profit their bodies could produce. Across an epoch of enslavement, even their intimate engagements, whether desired or compulsory, often amounted to a form of sexual labor and capital that delivered more Black bodies into bondage. American slavery could function optimally only if, in conjunction with other tactics of domination, its stakeholders strategically disrupted and even extinguished Black love. It is not overreaching to say that Black love had steal social, psychological, and physical space to survive the all-consuming pressures of White surveillance and reproductive labor in the slave economy" (8).
Chapter 1-"Scholars attribute the low rates of heterosexual marriage among Black women and men today to a range of complicated factors that have regulated post-1960s Black life, including shifts in modes of production and socioeconomic institutions as well as mass incarceration and relaxed cultural norms and attitudes about marriage, sex, and divorce. Notwithstanding these explanations, sexual and reproductive violence, misogynoir legislation, and a separation of families during the slave period have had both a rippling effect and an epiphenomenal impact on Black women's postemancipation episodes with romantic love and marriage in this country. These interlocking pillars of forbidden Black love reappear in the scope of abuses women of African descent have suffered since slavery, whether during Reconstruction, the Great Migration, Black women's entry into the welfare system, or mass incarceration. To understand fully their reappearance and the historical consciousness many Black women today have regarding the circumstances provoking their romantic dilemmas, it is essential to begin our narrative in slavery" (19-20).
Chapter 2-"Legally recognized marriage was a central portal to citizenship rights and responsibilities. Consequently, African Americans' admission into free society was conditioned on acceptance of an inflexible patriarchal family structure and gendered divisions of labor and space" (73). Background info for context-Black women and men often did not choose their spouse. Once freed, it could be an opportunity to leave or stay, the point being it's a choice that did not always factor in romantic love. Think about how enslaved Black women were perceived during slavery-not viewed as feminine, was forced to complete difficult labor regularly. They also had a greater amount of autonomy in their household which did not always adhere to a patriarchal tradition. To me, it seems like what worked best for enslaved Black people was not accepted or recognized as good enough by the powers that be.
Chapter 3-In discussing the effects of welfare on the Black family, Stewart highlights the 1974 film Claudine as an accurate depiction of how receipt of ADC/AFDC funds controlled a Black woman/mother's life, particularly having to adhere to the rule of no husband/boyfriend/father of children could ever live in the home because the family would no longer be eligible to receive benefits. This rule does not consider that by the 1960s, African Americans are only 100 years removed slavery and still fighting to be recognized as citizens. Unequal pay for labor, limited housing options, substandard schooling and medical care are just a few barriers that Black people were charged with surviving because the government did not want to care for a large number of Black women and children (dating back to the Freedman's Bureau and forced recognition of marriage during Reconstruction). Supreme Court case King v. Smith in 1968 decided that AFDC's man-in-the-house, suitable-home, and substitute father rules were illegal because the reason for doing so is a direct judgment on the mother's so-called immoral behavior not the children's needs.
Chapter 4-discusses the prison industrial complex and how it's a singular force used to destroy Black love. Think about the cost of incarceration, not just for the inmate but for the family . This cost is monetarily and emotionally taxing to the point of breaking.
Chapter 5-probably my favorite chapter as it's entitled Will Black Women Ever Have It All? This chapter covers quite a bit from the Obamas being nearly idolized as a perfect couple because of what they represent (physical appearance, achievements, symbolism of the American Dream) to statistics on Black women and marriage across social class. The most interesting passages to me:
"The patriarchy that remains nonnegotiable for so many Black women and men today is not African patriarchy; neither is it God's patriarchy. Rather, it is White America's patriarchy-the Black community's entrance fee to the dark margins of national belonging. Today there are countless Black purveyors of White American patriarchy, and the most influential voices can be heard on Sunday mornings" (196). Stewart further elaborates that husband's role is provider and the wife's is caretaker according to patriarchy and trouble comes when the roles don't hold equal value and are reduced to masculine and feminine stereotypes with no room to adjust to suit one's needs. Stewart doesn't spend a lot of time on this concept, but I found it to be compelling "it is perhaps more interesting to interrogate why Black Christians are unwilling to apply the same critical skills they use to decode and interpret the texts they read and hear in other cultural contexts-graphic novels, poems, comic books, hip hop lyrics, and the like-when reading and discerning the meanings of the scriptures" (197). I thought this was included as a response to a question one may ask about what role does religion play in forming social norms and who is set to benefit the most from a particular stance. Lastly, "the answer for single Black women in search of love and partnership with Black men does not lie in normalizing singlehood and life without intimacy and meaningful connection to a partner. And it certainly doesn't lie in scapegoating Black women for the sins of a patriarchal, misogynoir society. Those who care about Black women and Black love should refuse this arrangement with the same force with which many have refused slavery, lynching, disenfranchisement, segregation, redlining, underresourced schools for Black children, disparities in health care, racial profiling, mass incarceration, and all other civil and human rights violations Black people have suffered in this nation. Creating the conditions for quality Black marriages is a social good that benefits the nation overall" (203-204).
My conclusion: 4 stars because while this is an excellent analysis of the effects systemic racism has had on Black love, I thought the assumption of marriage being a necessity was presumptive. This may be where it should be clarified what a loving, healthy, sustainable marriage looks like. It’s later stated that marriage should be a partnership that doesn’t reflect patriarchal ideals. I’m all for people living their lives in a manner that best suits them as long as no one is hurt. This may be something of a daydream, but I hope there will come a time where the worst is not assumed because a person’s life choices aren’t ordered in a manner deemed acceptable by mainstream society.
blames Black women for being single or tries to give outrageously bad advice on how to become a Mrs. Instead, Dianne M. Stewart traces the concept of marriage back to how African tribes defined the institution and how it differs so much from what is traditionally believed to be an ideal marriage. Is this ideal, rooted in Western European standards and patriarchy something African Americans should aspire to? What does racism and systemic oppression have to do with marriage, a seemingly personal decision between two people? Why is marriage seen as a necessary component to a healthy and fulfilled life? Should society norms be the foundation for cultivating a happy lifelong union? These are the questions that I had at the beginning of the book and Stewart provided a thorough explanation to each question and more. To be clear, this book is more academic than self help and the author acknowledges that her analysis is focused on heterosexual/cisgender couples only.
I really admire how Stewart organized the text. Each chapter covers a time period beginning with slavery and moving throughout the 20th/21st century. I think this is beneficial for the reader because it presents a compelling issue for the time and connects to the core argument of how racism is a powerful weapon that destroys much, but it can be rendered powerless by refusing to let it rule all aspects of life. How this is put into practice will more than likely differ, but I think it's pertinent to ask "why do I think/believe/act" first. A second plus is the inclusion of lived experiences for each time period. In this text, a reader will learn who Margaret Garner, William & Ellen Craft, Mary Turner, Frazier & Lavinia Baker, and several others are and why their stories should not remain cloaked in silence.
Things that caught my attention:
Introduction-"From the early 1500s to the mid -1800s, African men and women were brought against their will to America not for love but for the labor and profit their bodies could produce. Across an epoch of enslavement, even their intimate engagements, whether desired or compulsory, often amounted to a form of sexual labor and capital that delivered more Black bodies into bondage. American slavery could function optimally only if, in conjunction with other tactics of domination, its stakeholders strategically disrupted and even extinguished Black love. It is not overreaching to say that Black love had steal social, psychological, and physical space to survive the all-consuming pressures of White surveillance and reproductive labor in the slave economy" (8).
Chapter 1-"Scholars attribute the low rates of heterosexual marriage among Black women and men today to a range of complicated factors that have regulated post-1960s Black life, including shifts in modes of production and socioeconomic institutions as well as mass incarceration and relaxed cultural norms and attitudes about marriage, sex, and divorce. Notwithstanding these explanations, sexual and reproductive violence, misogynoir legislation, and a separation of families during the slave period have had both a rippling effect and an epiphenomenal impact on Black women's postemancipation episodes with romantic love and marriage in this country. These interlocking pillars of forbidden Black love reappear in the scope of abuses women of African descent have suffered since slavery, whether during Reconstruction, the Great Migration, Black women's entry into the welfare system, or mass incarceration. To understand fully their reappearance and the historical consciousness many Black women today have regarding the circumstances provoking their romantic dilemmas, it is essential to begin our narrative in slavery" (19-20).
Chapter 2-"Legally recognized marriage was a central portal to citizenship rights and responsibilities. Consequently, African Americans' admission into free society was conditioned on acceptance of an inflexible patriarchal family structure and gendered divisions of labor and space" (73). Background info for context-Black women and men often did not choose their spouse. Once freed, it could be an opportunity to leave or stay, the point being it's a choice that did not always factor in romantic love. Think about how enslaved Black women were perceived during slavery-not viewed as feminine, was forced to complete difficult labor regularly. They also had a greater amount of autonomy in their household which did not always adhere to a patriarchal tradition. To me, it seems like what worked best for enslaved Black people was not accepted or recognized as good enough by the powers that be.
Chapter 3-In discussing the effects of welfare on the Black family, Stewart highlights the 1974 film Claudine as an accurate depiction of how receipt of ADC/AFDC funds controlled a Black woman/mother's life, particularly having to adhere to the rule of no husband/boyfriend/father of children could ever live in the home because the family would no longer be eligible to receive benefits. This rule does not consider that by the 1960s, African Americans are only 100 years removed slavery and still fighting to be recognized as citizens. Unequal pay for labor, limited housing options, substandard schooling and medical care are just a few barriers that Black people were charged with surviving because the government did not want to care for a large number of Black women and children (dating back to the Freedman's Bureau and forced recognition of marriage during Reconstruction). Supreme Court case King v. Smith in 1968 decided that AFDC's man-in-the-house, suitable-home, and substitute father rules were illegal because the reason for doing so is a direct judgment on the mother's so-called immoral behavior not the children's needs.
Chapter 4-discusses the prison industrial complex and how it's a singular force used to destroy Black love. Think about the cost of incarceration, not just for the inmate but for the family . This cost is monetarily and emotionally taxing to the point of breaking.
Chapter 5-probably my favorite chapter as it's entitled Will Black Women Ever Have It All? This chapter covers quite a bit from the Obamas being nearly idolized as a perfect couple because of what they represent (physical appearance, achievements, symbolism of the American Dream) to statistics on Black women and marriage across social class. The most interesting passages to me:
"The patriarchy that remains nonnegotiable for so many Black women and men today is not African patriarchy; neither is it God's patriarchy. Rather, it is White America's patriarchy-the Black community's entrance fee to the dark margins of national belonging. Today there are countless Black purveyors of White American patriarchy, and the most influential voices can be heard on Sunday mornings" (196). Stewart further elaborates that husband's role is provider and the wife's is caretaker according to patriarchy and trouble comes when the roles don't hold equal value and are reduced to masculine and feminine stereotypes with no room to adjust to suit one's needs. Stewart doesn't spend a lot of time on this concept, but I found it to be compelling "it is perhaps more interesting to interrogate why Black Christians are unwilling to apply the same critical skills they use to decode and interpret the texts they read and hear in other cultural contexts-graphic novels, poems, comic books, hip hop lyrics, and the like-when reading and discerning the meanings of the scriptures" (197). I thought this was included as a response to a question one may ask about what role does religion play in forming social norms and who is set to benefit the most from a particular stance. Lastly, "the answer for single Black women in search of love and partnership with Black men does not lie in normalizing singlehood and life without intimacy and meaningful connection to a partner. And it certainly doesn't lie in scapegoating Black women for the sins of a patriarchal, misogynoir society. Those who care about Black women and Black love should refuse this arrangement with the same force with which many have refused slavery, lynching, disenfranchisement, segregation, redlining, underresourced schools for Black children, disparities in health care, racial profiling, mass incarceration, and all other civil and human rights violations Black people have suffered in this nation. Creating the conditions for quality Black marriages is a social good that benefits the nation overall" (203-204).
My conclusion: 4 stars because while this is an excellent analysis of the effects systemic racism has had on Black love, I thought the assumption of marriage being a necessity was presumptive. This may be where it should be clarified what a loving, healthy, sustainable marriage looks like. It’s later stated that marriage should be a partnership that doesn’t reflect patriarchal ideals. I’m all for people living their lives in a manner that best suits them as long as no one is hurt. This may be something of a daydream, but I hope there will come a time where the worst is not assumed because a person’s life choices aren’t ordered in a manner deemed acceptable by mainstream society.
March 3, 2021
TLDR: I wouldn't recommend this for casual readers, but this is perfect for those who want a deeper dive into the historical and societal barriers to Black heterosexual love and marriage in the USA.
*I received an advance reader copy of this book to read in exchange for an honest review via NetGalley and the publishers.*
I've long been interested in how history impacts current events and social trends, so this book looked really interesting. It's an excellent study of historical and societal barriers to Black heterosexual love and marriage in the USA, spanning the horrors of slavery up until the prison industrial complex and mass incarceration today. It doesn't make much mention of LGBT+ or interracial relationships; however this is a deliberate research focus as it's impossible to cover everything on the topic. The book examines many salient points, drawing links from historical discrimination up to the current situation, and the various barriers to long-lasting and safe relationships that Black heterosexual women face. I found it incredibly informative, especially the depth of information on a number of harmful government policies, reproductive health violations and forced sterilization, the welfare system and the impacts of mass incarceration. The linkages drawn and the explanations of how barriers to relationships cause generational damage and systemic harm to the point of being a major civil rights issue were eye-opening. She explores the impacts of colourism and misogynoir, and patriarchal marriage as prescribed by widely adopted religions, contrasting them with traditional Africana kinship networks and matriarchal systems. While the book is mainly focused on the impacts on women, attention is also paid to the situation that Black men face, with government-imposed financial responsibility for relationships and children while being denied the capacity to attain financial success. The author draws on a range of thoroughly researched anecdotes to illustrate her points, which vividly show the real-world effect of policies and systemic racism.
Though this is a very informative book, the depth of information and the sometimes-technical language used seem better suited to academics, researchers or those with a deep interest in this field, rather than accessible to the casual reader or the general public. This was a Read Now on Netgalley and I downloaded it in June 2020, and just finished it after concerted effort in February 2021. It's not a light or easy read. That's not a bad thing, it doesn't have to be, and the approach is appropriate for the topic. However, it's important to go in with expectations to match. Another aspect readers should know in advance is the level of gruesome detail on the horrors of slavery that were included. I'm from the Caribbean and I studied history up to the advanced level in high school, and even did one of my final projects on how female slaves suffered more under slavery in the Caribbean, so I'm no stranger to this aspect of history. However, many of the stories in this book were still difficult for me to read (I would advise not reading this while eating for the first half of the book). Again, this isn't a critique, these were realities that should be documented and known; but it is content that readers should know about and expect before getting into the book. Go into it expecting it to be heavy.
Though the majority of the book was really detailed and well explored, it kind of stuttered a bit coming up to the final chapter, where the analysis of the modern state of affairs and comparisons to pop culture seemed not quite fleshed out. There was some exploration of Black joy and success in love, but not that much.
Nevertheless, I would recommend this book as an invaluable resource to academics and anyone doing research on the topic, or anyone with a deeper interest who'd like more insight on barriers to Black love as a civil rights issue with a range of systemic repercussions. It's an excellent contribution to the body of work on this topic.
*I received an advance reader copy of this book to read in exchange for an honest review via NetGalley and the publishers.*
I've long been interested in how history impacts current events and social trends, so this book looked really interesting. It's an excellent study of historical and societal barriers to Black heterosexual love and marriage in the USA, spanning the horrors of slavery up until the prison industrial complex and mass incarceration today. It doesn't make much mention of LGBT+ or interracial relationships; however this is a deliberate research focus as it's impossible to cover everything on the topic. The book examines many salient points, drawing links from historical discrimination up to the current situation, and the various barriers to long-lasting and safe relationships that Black heterosexual women face. I found it incredibly informative, especially the depth of information on a number of harmful government policies, reproductive health violations and forced sterilization, the welfare system and the impacts of mass incarceration. The linkages drawn and the explanations of how barriers to relationships cause generational damage and systemic harm to the point of being a major civil rights issue were eye-opening. She explores the impacts of colourism and misogynoir, and patriarchal marriage as prescribed by widely adopted religions, contrasting them with traditional Africana kinship networks and matriarchal systems. While the book is mainly focused on the impacts on women, attention is also paid to the situation that Black men face, with government-imposed financial responsibility for relationships and children while being denied the capacity to attain financial success. The author draws on a range of thoroughly researched anecdotes to illustrate her points, which vividly show the real-world effect of policies and systemic racism.
Though this is a very informative book, the depth of information and the sometimes-technical language used seem better suited to academics, researchers or those with a deep interest in this field, rather than accessible to the casual reader or the general public. This was a Read Now on Netgalley and I downloaded it in June 2020, and just finished it after concerted effort in February 2021. It's not a light or easy read. That's not a bad thing, it doesn't have to be, and the approach is appropriate for the topic. However, it's important to go in with expectations to match. Another aspect readers should know in advance is the level of gruesome detail on the horrors of slavery that were included. I'm from the Caribbean and I studied history up to the advanced level in high school, and even did one of my final projects on how female slaves suffered more under slavery in the Caribbean, so I'm no stranger to this aspect of history. However, many of the stories in this book were still difficult for me to read (I would advise not reading this while eating for the first half of the book). Again, this isn't a critique, these were realities that should be documented and known; but it is content that readers should know about and expect before getting into the book. Go into it expecting it to be heavy.
Though the majority of the book was really detailed and well explored, it kind of stuttered a bit coming up to the final chapter, where the analysis of the modern state of affairs and comparisons to pop culture seemed not quite fleshed out. There was some exploration of Black joy and success in love, but not that much.
Nevertheless, I would recommend this book as an invaluable resource to academics and anyone doing research on the topic, or anyone with a deeper interest who'd like more insight on barriers to Black love as a civil rights issue with a range of systemic repercussions. It's an excellent contribution to the body of work on this topic.
January 13, 2021
Really good first half. It put a new perspective to black lives that I had not been aware of. She lost me with the second half of the book. Personal responsibility is a value that she does not seem to endorse as all ills that befall black women's lives are not their responsibility but blamed on government policies exclusively. Yes policies need to change but her perspective was biased.
November 21, 2021
As a white woman who has been married 15 years, it's easy to judge or think I have the answers as to why Black women aren't getting married. This book was a humbling lesson in the reasons they can't, even though most desperately long to. I appreciated the stance she takes in differentiating between patriarchy and oppressive fundamentals, and religious practices - mainly Christian - that support women in marriage. With a master's in divinity, Stewart is uniquely qualified to point out how many churches are helping, and how many truly good Christian men there are. However, she can also pinpoint the areas in which our churches fail...mostly through utilizing the unbiblical ideas of patriarchy and stereotypical gender roles. She talks about mass incarceration, welfare, and colorism and phenotype stratification (CPS). The latter is the desire of Black people, and other ethnicities/races, to choose those who are lighter in melanin. I have yet to read a book or opinion piece where Black people are not aware of CPS, and seek ways to change it. Therefore, the common whine of white people that "Black people are racist too!" is immediately rendered moot.
June 5, 2022
I’m so happy I read , “Is Marriage for White People” before reading this. It’s a very male-identified piece of literature. As a Black woman who grew up in Black communities, I find this book to not only be false, but to be dangerous as well. To push this fairytale idea of Black love knowing that Black women are murdered every 6 hours by Black men is a slap in the face. Blaming “the man” for the reason why Black men are impregnating multiple BW women and marrying none is insane. Black women and girls having the highest rates of s*xual assault (perpetrated by BM) is absent from this book. P*mp culture and hip hop is absent from this book. Absolutely no accountability anywhere in this book. The myth about welfare driving black men out the home is something hoteps love to shout but why did women need welfare if the men were in the homes lol? Research, dig deeper, and stop believing these YouTube university points.
November 4, 2020
It’s fall into reading season, and we’ve been enjoying every second. Though most of our reads are fiction, we absolutely love a well-written and timely non-fiction piece. So, we were excited here at the AAMBC to have the privilege to review Black Women, Black Love, by Dianne M. Stewart.
This thoroughly researched, profound, and moving novel provides readers with knowledge surrounding why “70% of Black women in America are unmarried.” Ms. Stewart advocates for a complete overhaul and dismantling of the structural systems embedded with white supremacists’ ideologies that continue to plague generations and generations of Black women. Tracing the root cause of struggles with marriage in the community from slavery and the plantation to modern-day social problems such as mass incarceration, Ms. Stewart details a somber history that will cause readers to have to sit with the level of disrespect, humiliation, and factors outside of the control of Black women.
We give Black Women, Black Love five out of five stars. While the subject matter of this novel is extremely troubling, it is even more necessary. If you’ve ever wondered why Black women’s marriage rates don’t seem to be in the majority, this book is for you. If you’ve ever wondered how Black women become the stereotypical “welfare queen,” this novel is for you. If you’ve ever wondered how Black men’s mass incarceration impacts Black women, this novel is for you! A line that we loved in this novel from Ms. Stewart states, “Human beings, including Black women, were not designed to endure loneliness and isolation.” We believe in the simplicity and truth of this statement. This novel will leave you wanting to dismantle any oppressive systems that impact Black women’s ability to prosper in love.
TL; DR
The Good: Thoroughly researched, easy to read, and follow along with.
The Bad: NA
Is it Worth Buying: Absolutely. This book deserves to be at the top of anyone’s TBR list.
Rating: 5/5 stars
This thoroughly researched, profound, and moving novel provides readers with knowledge surrounding why “70% of Black women in America are unmarried.” Ms. Stewart advocates for a complete overhaul and dismantling of the structural systems embedded with white supremacists’ ideologies that continue to plague generations and generations of Black women. Tracing the root cause of struggles with marriage in the community from slavery and the plantation to modern-day social problems such as mass incarceration, Ms. Stewart details a somber history that will cause readers to have to sit with the level of disrespect, humiliation, and factors outside of the control of Black women.
We give Black Women, Black Love five out of five stars. While the subject matter of this novel is extremely troubling, it is even more necessary. If you’ve ever wondered why Black women’s marriage rates don’t seem to be in the majority, this book is for you. If you’ve ever wondered how Black women become the stereotypical “welfare queen,” this novel is for you. If you’ve ever wondered how Black men’s mass incarceration impacts Black women, this novel is for you! A line that we loved in this novel from Ms. Stewart states, “Human beings, including Black women, were not designed to endure loneliness and isolation.” We believe in the simplicity and truth of this statement. This novel will leave you wanting to dismantle any oppressive systems that impact Black women’s ability to prosper in love.
TL; DR
The Good: Thoroughly researched, easy to read, and follow along with.
The Bad: NA
Is it Worth Buying: Absolutely. This book deserves to be at the top of anyone’s TBR list.
Rating: 5/5 stars
December 12, 2020
I can see Black Women, Black Love being assigned reading in a college class as this read very much like an academic text. It is very informative. I can't say much of the information was new to me (an African American woman) but it did present a new perspective on information I had heard before.
March 28, 2021
Some may feel the information and the way it's presented is something that is always repeated and it's the same tropes a lot of black men and women are aware of. I come from the point of view that this is information that has to be always be talked about. The reason being, if we stop talking about it, then we will stop talking about it.
Black Women, Black Love is one of those books when you first start to listen to it, is extremely hard to get through, mainly because it is a history of slavery and all of the harshnesses that black women and men went through. The opening prologue really will test you and if you can and want to handle the information. If you think this isn't worth it or feel that the information is cherry-picked to support a narrative, then this won't be the book for you.
The narrator's tone was straightforward, did add certain inflections at certain times to change the mood of the text. For me, it made sense, can't say whether or not, I found it necessary or not. It didn't take away from my listening experience in general.
If you feel that you want to learn more about the problems that black women and for that fact, black men are continually struggling through, then take the time and give this a listen.
Overall, this book is quality information and very worth the time to listen to it. It is history that can't be forgotten and always needs to be remembered. Dianne Stewart does attempt to provide some ideas on improving the lives of black women for a better future, but even she does realize it's not an easy fix. Even with that being the case, she does attempt to come up with some solutions, which can be looked at for the future and hopefully beyond.
Black Women, Black Love is one of those books when you first start to listen to it, is extremely hard to get through, mainly because it is a history of slavery and all of the harshnesses that black women and men went through. The opening prologue really will test you and if you can and want to handle the information. If you think this isn't worth it or feel that the information is cherry-picked to support a narrative, then this won't be the book for you.
The narrator's tone was straightforward, did add certain inflections at certain times to change the mood of the text. For me, it made sense, can't say whether or not, I found it necessary or not. It didn't take away from my listening experience in general.
If you feel that you want to learn more about the problems that black women and for that fact, black men are continually struggling through, then take the time and give this a listen.
Overall, this book is quality information and very worth the time to listen to it. It is history that can't be forgotten and always needs to be remembered. Dianne Stewart does attempt to provide some ideas on improving the lives of black women for a better future, but even she does realize it's not an easy fix. Even with that being the case, she does attempt to come up with some solutions, which can be looked at for the future and hopefully beyond.
December 15, 2020
This book is a critical text and must read for anyone interested in understanding the plight of Black women with regards to romance. The author in this well researched book presents a historical look into the laws, societal oppressions and events that shaped the current state of Black love. Excellently researched, presented and well worth the read.
March 17, 2021
A detailed account of how love and marriage for black women arrived at this point in history.
Beginning with colonialism and tracing the history of black women's experience with love through personal narratives, laws, and historical events. This book explains how black women came to be systematically disadvantaged in western marriage practices and possible solutions to these challenges. The stories flowed into each other and told a continuous narrative. The explanations were engaging and easy for readers to follow. Readers will enjoy the untold history and story of events that shaped the lives of generations of Black women in America.
Beginning with colonialism and tracing the history of black women's experience with love through personal narratives, laws, and historical events. This book explains how black women came to be systematically disadvantaged in western marriage practices and possible solutions to these challenges. The stories flowed into each other and told a continuous narrative. The explanations were engaging and easy for readers to follow. Readers will enjoy the untold history and story of events that shaped the lives of generations of Black women in America.
December 13, 2020
The title says it all. I read this book, for a book club discussion. I really enjoyed it
December 14, 2020
Important topic with tons of well researched evidence on how white supremacy has crippled African American marriage. Reading was a bit dry though, one statistic after another. Still an important read
October 4, 2020
A truly compelling read about Black women in relationship to love, marriage, and domesticity. From digging into the dark history of Black love in the context of both progress made and where society still needs to go to delving behind statistics of eternally single Black women and the harmful stereotypes associated with them (eg “welfare queens”), this book is an important read about the issues of systemic racism and the work that still needs doing to push for equality.
July 30, 2021
Very thorough and well researched. However, it was just hard for me to take in all of this information and being that I am a Black woman in America that has seen a few things in my life and can't say I agree with everything presented in this book. I just couldn't get past the issue of Black Love as being something that was stolen or sabotaged for Black women and white people being the ONLY culpable race for this issue. I just found myself shaking my head at a lot of the issues presented in this book.
November 29, 2020
From the beginnings of slavery, to the welfare system and everything in between, the author shows how this country has done as much damage as they can to the black family to keep it destroyed. I agree with most everything in the book, except the colorism part since I know of many women who are married and not fair complexioned, just like I know many women who are single and light skinned. Otherwise, there were a lot of truths in the book.
April 7, 2021
This book provides a much-needed perspective on an aspect of systemic racism that's often ignored in America: the lingering effects of enslavement and oppression on marriage and intimate relationships. The stories are emotionally wrenching without being maudlin. A must-read for anyone interested in this subject.
I received a NetGalley ARC, and this is my honest review.
I received a NetGalley ARC, and this is my honest review.
March 27, 2021
Depicts the history of Black love surviving through enslavement, reconstruction/Jim Crow; lynchings; incarcerations and poverty. Realistic, but I wish it included some (or a little more) positive stories of perseverance of black love and little known facts like the courting rituals during enslavement.
Read
December 14, 2020Very eye opening book about how we find love and how society makes it hard for black women and men to find and keep that love. I love how the author goes back as far as slavery. Our love seems to always be controlled by others. But me must not fret. Love will find a way.
January 8, 2025
Chs 1 and 2:
I see broom jump king as drastically differently -European now.
Post Reconstruction seems like even if know it won’t work for Black ppl, make us use a patriarchy situation anyway. Just to force us to assimilate, rapidly to a system -given no choice at all.
First instance of gov’t skepticism and extra hoops for gov’t benefits — love that for us (extreme sarcasm).
Incarcerated state: chapter reminds me of Shadow Defendants piece from fed lit but explained from marital issue.
Post emancipation workings and policies was similar to assimilation required of immigrants. Must do it now or face jail and very real consequences.
Reconstruction era really chilled family lines in 100 years post Civil War.
Welfare policies need constant advocacy and fixing. Like the criminal justice system, needs to be torn down and rebuilt. It is designed to help with hand and with the other, punish.
Can have it all:
Recommends leaving culturally “head of household” framework. Legally will be hard to divorce if as it is rooted in European system.
“Head of household” framework for black ppl has authority and prestige in Biblical studies. Analyzing the Bible, spiritual without proper scholarship is inadequate. There are so much context, historical text in every book. Argued that letter to Birmingham Jail by MLK to be the 67th book. Why has it not been updated?
Culturally, Black people need to nurture health and wellness of kinship sharing adult responsibilities and prerogatives.
Black people prioritize self-confident, spiritual, economically stable, well-educated and monogamous partners. The division of husbands do X and wives do A hurt us. Clearly through the book, shows our strictures are NOT the same as white people. How could it be given everything we’ve gone through since landing here.
Moving forward should refuse to blame Black women for sins of patriarchal Misgynoir system (slavery, segregation, lynching, racial profiling, mass incarceration, etc). And see it really as it is: a civil rights issue.
Masculine + feminine - patriarchal system
In lasting Black marriages, 100 yr old couples, model that has worked isn’t patriarchy, but partnership. Some provider language weaves in doubt and questions placed in family. The larger kin group is defined by seeing siblings more so (less cousins).
The church can help! Only 3% have marriage and parenting programs - need clergy, theological and biblical scholars in addition to gender & sexuality experts, social scientists and clinicians and therapists. Kinship wealth & financial wealth are the key moving forward.
Policies suggestions: black men: empathy plus (minimize structural alienation)
Baby Bonds: based on wealth born into. As adult can use for education, home ownership, and business set up. Help more Black men to marry as have more financial footing to be on.
Financial gap with white men only increases as earn more money. For black men earn more but less likely to marry - looking for an equal counterparty here but will be harder to find.
Black women might tend to marry at 54, but robbed of child bearing years.
Recommendation to read/watch:
YouTube- Larazin
TV- Queen Sugar; Being Mary Jane;
Books - Inheritance of Black Poverty: it’s all about Black Men (Scott winship, Richard Reeves, Katherine guyot)
I see broom jump king as drastically differently -European now.
Post Reconstruction seems like even if know it won’t work for Black ppl, make us use a patriarchy situation anyway. Just to force us to assimilate, rapidly to a system -given no choice at all.
First instance of gov’t skepticism and extra hoops for gov’t benefits — love that for us (extreme sarcasm).
Incarcerated state: chapter reminds me of Shadow Defendants piece from fed lit but explained from marital issue.
Post emancipation workings and policies was similar to assimilation required of immigrants. Must do it now or face jail and very real consequences.
Reconstruction era really chilled family lines in 100 years post Civil War.
Welfare policies need constant advocacy and fixing. Like the criminal justice system, needs to be torn down and rebuilt. It is designed to help with hand and with the other, punish.
Can have it all:
Recommends leaving culturally “head of household” framework. Legally will be hard to divorce if as it is rooted in European system.
“Head of household” framework for black ppl has authority and prestige in Biblical studies. Analyzing the Bible, spiritual without proper scholarship is inadequate. There are so much context, historical text in every book. Argued that letter to Birmingham Jail by MLK to be the 67th book. Why has it not been updated?
Culturally, Black people need to nurture health and wellness of kinship sharing adult responsibilities and prerogatives.
Black people prioritize self-confident, spiritual, economically stable, well-educated and monogamous partners. The division of husbands do X and wives do A hurt us. Clearly through the book, shows our strictures are NOT the same as white people. How could it be given everything we’ve gone through since landing here.
Moving forward should refuse to blame Black women for sins of patriarchal Misgynoir system (slavery, segregation, lynching, racial profiling, mass incarceration, etc). And see it really as it is: a civil rights issue.
Masculine + feminine - patriarchal system
In lasting Black marriages, 100 yr old couples, model that has worked isn’t patriarchy, but partnership. Some provider language weaves in doubt and questions placed in family. The larger kin group is defined by seeing siblings more so (less cousins).
The church can help! Only 3% have marriage and parenting programs - need clergy, theological and biblical scholars in addition to gender & sexuality experts, social scientists and clinicians and therapists. Kinship wealth & financial wealth are the key moving forward.
Policies suggestions: black men: empathy plus (minimize structural alienation)
Baby Bonds: based on wealth born into. As adult can use for education, home ownership, and business set up. Help more Black men to marry as have more financial footing to be on.
Financial gap with white men only increases as earn more money. For black men earn more but less likely to marry - looking for an equal counterparty here but will be harder to find.
Black women might tend to marry at 54, but robbed of child bearing years.
Recommendation to read/watch:
YouTube- Larazin
TV- Queen Sugar; Being Mary Jane;
Books - Inheritance of Black Poverty: it’s all about Black Men (Scott winship, Richard Reeves, Katherine guyot)
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 8, 2022
This is such a fantastic book. Stewart makes the necessary shift from blaming Black women for not being married to correctly naming structural inequality such as the prison industrial complex, colorism, and lack of employment opportunities as the culprit.
One reviewer who did not read the book said that Stewart does not take Black male patriarchy into account, which is entirely false. An analysis of misogynoir is integrated throughout the book, including the section in Chapter Two, "Reconsidering Patriarchal Marriage," where Stewart encourages her readers to examine the "historical roots of patriarchal expectations of marriage that continue[s] to strangle Black love..." In Chapter Five, Stewart makes bold claims arguing that one site where patriarchy is rampant is in the Black Church. Many congregations excuse this behavior because they believe that God ordains it. As an alternative, Stewart suggests that Black male church leaders deconstruct their misogynoir and that marriage counseling should be offered. Moreover, in this Chapter, Stewart takes a critical look at how colorism and phenotypic stratification permeates the minds of many Black men, resulting in them typically choosing lighter-skinned or non-Black partners. What's vital about these analyses is that Stewart examines the root cause of patriarchy in Black communities so that long-term structural and cultural solutions can occur.
One reviewer who did not read the book said that Stewart does not take Black male patriarchy into account, which is entirely false. An analysis of misogynoir is integrated throughout the book, including the section in Chapter Two, "Reconsidering Patriarchal Marriage," where Stewart encourages her readers to examine the "historical roots of patriarchal expectations of marriage that continue[s] to strangle Black love..." In Chapter Five, Stewart makes bold claims arguing that one site where patriarchy is rampant is in the Black Church. Many congregations excuse this behavior because they believe that God ordains it. As an alternative, Stewart suggests that Black male church leaders deconstruct their misogynoir and that marriage counseling should be offered. Moreover, in this Chapter, Stewart takes a critical look at how colorism and phenotypic stratification permeates the minds of many Black men, resulting in them typically choosing lighter-skinned or non-Black partners. What's vital about these analyses is that Stewart examines the root cause of patriarchy in Black communities so that long-term structural and cultural solutions can occur.
March 2, 2021
My feminism needs to be more intersectional. This book helps.
There’s so much to dive into when it comes to America’s treatment of Black (heterosexual) love and Black women in particular. In this analysis, Stewart chronicles the beginnings of American misogynoir in racial slavery and brings the reader up to the present, examining issues such as mass incarceration, wealthlessness, and colorism and phenotypic stratification (CPS).
I don’t know why, but the chapter “Love and Welfare” has really stuck with me. The majority of it follows Johnnie Tillmon, an American welfare activist whom I’d like to learn much more about. In a subsequent chapter titled “Black Love in Captivity,” Stewart references the 2018 fictional novel An American Marriage by Tayari Jones, a narrative that pairs so well with this academic read.
In America, it seems like the institution of marriage has coopted the concept of love, and Stewart deftly explores how structural barriers have been used to impede Black women from easily achieving both. However, she concludes with hope, proposing feasible solutions for rectifying these historical wrongs.
There’s so much to dive into when it comes to America’s treatment of Black (heterosexual) love and Black women in particular. In this analysis, Stewart chronicles the beginnings of American misogynoir in racial slavery and brings the reader up to the present, examining issues such as mass incarceration, wealthlessness, and colorism and phenotypic stratification (CPS).
I don’t know why, but the chapter “Love and Welfare” has really stuck with me. The majority of it follows Johnnie Tillmon, an American welfare activist whom I’d like to learn much more about. In a subsequent chapter titled “Black Love in Captivity,” Stewart references the 2018 fictional novel An American Marriage by Tayari Jones, a narrative that pairs so well with this academic read.
In America, it seems like the institution of marriage has coopted the concept of love, and Stewart deftly explores how structural barriers have been used to impede Black women from easily achieving both. However, she concludes with hope, proposing feasible solutions for rectifying these historical wrongs.
February 17, 2023
I have no idea how I stumbled across this novel. However, it seemed fitting to read it for Black History Month and because of Valentine’s Day so I gave it a shot. Not to mention, I actually bought this book so I was definitely going to read it.
The novel progressed from slavery to modern times. I learned a lot of new information from reading the novel but it also gave a lot of unnecessary information that to me didn’t tie to the book’s objective just to put more facts and first hand stories in the book.
A lot of points made were valid. It just didn’t fit in the overall theme to me. The end takeaway was too “woke” for me personally.
The novel progressed from slavery to modern times. I learned a lot of new information from reading the novel but it also gave a lot of unnecessary information that to me didn’t tie to the book’s objective just to put more facts and first hand stories in the book.
A lot of points made were valid. It just didn’t fit in the overall theme to me. The end takeaway was too “woke” for me personally.
December 8, 2025
This book truly opened my eyes to how society has never truly championed black love, marriage, and families since the very beginning of slavery in America. Not only does the author present compelling arguments, but she also shares powerful real-life examples illustrating how slavery, welfare policies, racism, and incarceration have all impacted black love and hindered Black women's ability to marry Black men. It's a profoundly eye-opening read. I recommend it to any Black woman struggling to find Black love, as research shows you're not alone. I deeply appreciate what Dianne Stewart accomplished with this book.
October 27, 2021
This was a really great book that outlined in detail from way back during slavery times to present day. It is heavily based on history and digs rather deeply. I wish the author spoke a little bit more about present day social media and dug a little bit into modern times, but even without that it was a really great book.
April 8, 2022
The best parts of this book can be found in chapters 1, 2, and 5. In the early chapters, Stewart does well in cataloging the history of slave marriage in the U.S. in the antebellum south and in the reconstruction period shortly after slavery was abolished. In the final chapters, she finally meets some objections that have likely occurred to readers over chapters 2,3, and 4.
November 7, 2023
I really loved Dr. Stewart’s advocacy of dismantling traditional patriarchal marriages in order to solve the issue of Forbidden Black love. The white patriarchy is especially harmful to Black families and Black men. Moving beyond the “head of household” culture and incorporating Africana familial traditions presents a promising way forward.
December 28, 2020
While relegated to black hetero couples which I felt didn't capture the full experience of black love in America, I still really enjoyed learning or revisiting the various historical perspectives that have worked against back love in a very well written thoroughly researched way.
November 4, 2020
This book was free and sent to me an an ARC on NetGalley. However, all reviews are of my own opinions.
I really did struggle with this book for many reasons. I was excited to read it in the hope that it would grow my knowledge around BLM, however, I didn't get any of that. I found the first couple of pages quite understanding but then the footnotes became quite a big part in the book and I was getting fed up of going back and forwards so I eventually gave up reading the footnotes - but then I disconnected from the book because I wanted to know where the sources had come from. For me, it just felt like I was back in Uni and reading a paper as opposed to reading a story.
I really did struggle with this book for many reasons. I was excited to read it in the hope that it would grow my knowledge around BLM, however, I didn't get any of that. I found the first couple of pages quite understanding but then the footnotes became quite a big part in the book and I was getting fed up of going back and forwards so I eventually gave up reading the footnotes - but then I disconnected from the book because I wanted to know where the sources had come from. For me, it just felt like I was back in Uni and reading a paper as opposed to reading a story.
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