Unbecoming to Become : My journey back to self

by Ayanda Mangubane Borotho

Ayanda is a South African actress, public figure and artivist best known for playing the title role in the SABC1 sitcom Nomzamo, since 2007. It is her however her current role as Phumemele on Isibaya that has cemented her presence in the acting industry. A role which saw her twice nominated for the Royalty Soapie Awards.

In this personal memoir, Ayanda tracks her journey back to self in a bid to return to her true self and to redefine her worth. Ayanda shares intimate details of her most profound experiences as a young girl in the township in a toxic relationship with a high flying gangster. As young woman falling pregnant out of wedlock and the ostracism she encountered. As a young black woman in a white male dominated corporate environment. As an artist who didn't quite fit into mainstream popularity and her battle to maintain her authenticity in an industry that recognizes fake over real. As a loyal friend betrayed by someone she loved and trusted. As a mother overwhelmed by the expectations of being a supermom. As a young wife fighting not to lose herself in marriage. As well as finding God by going against the stereotypes that define God for us.

In this memoir Ayanda zooms into and challenges the social expectations, cultural conditioning and people perceptions that sets the narrative that dictates the "self worth" for girls and women. By unlearning and reflecting on the untrue narratives girls and women are told and taught about themselves and learning a different truth, girls and women can begin the 'Unbecoming To Become' journey of restoring their identity, reclaiming their power and redefining their self worth.

Genres: Self Help

420 pages, Paperback

Published January 1, 2019

Reviews

[Leya · Rating 2 out of 5]

So the memoir is not written in a linear manner, so one has to really read carefully to get the entire story as the time jumps, are many.

My friend who recommended that I read the book said that Ayanda was writing from a biblical perspective, But Ayanda's biblical perspective is very very questionable. For example she refers to God as HER/SHE.. that understanding is found nowhere in the bible.

And she mixes various religious ideas like a smarties box😉
The Christian ideas presented, she has not done enough critical analysis on the subject matter. I felt like she has created her own God, in her own image and is now holding that image up as The True God. So if one has a more in depth understanding of christianity they will struggle to read certain aspects of the book.

I get that she is trying to tackle aspects of gender inequality and women empowerment but the way that she deals with the matters is sometimes by dis empowering the same women she is trying to empower. Case in point The Dudu syndrome, after providing the background story of Dudu she then goes on to say Dudu envied her, wanted her life, to have what she had, but the story no way alludes to any of these conclusions. So I was left baffled as she had only previously stated that Dudu stopped talking to her. None of these concluding remarks where part of the story presentation.

The book may appeal to some people, I guess I am just not one of them.

[Hlogi · Rating 2 out of 5]

When I started reading this book, I couldn’t put it down! I was hooked onto every chapter. However halfway through I started feeling a little disappointed, especially because people have said great things about this book.

The writing suddenly turned poor, the storyline seems all over the place and it feels somewhat sexist to women.

Perhaps I’ve interpreted this memoir in a way the author did not intend but I wouldn’t recommend this book.

[Fezile · Rating 1 out of 5]

Wow 🥰

[Oyama Ngqokoto · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing and exceptional book to be reading at especially in our moderns.talking about societal expectations and stereotypes we have to succumb to as a young woman .