When I started the book, my plan was to keep away emotionally as I do when I read a collection of anecdotal writing. But almost after just a few pages in, I realised that I have had to put down the book each time, to allow the indulgence of a thought or a revelation through my mind or to simply let the mind wander and relive a moment that you have experienced once too far away in life. I started to, subconsciously, pick favourites that I wanted the family to read through, so that they could see how mere words such carefully penned down, too close to a reality that we have already known, can come so close to our hearts. Simply because these words had the power and beauty to transcend time and take us back to some points and distance in our lives where we have felt all of these and more. Soon I realised that, try as I might, I am unable to keep my emotions away - the book is purely heart wrenching and overwhelming at so many places.
There were some pages that I read and reread, even as tears rolled down my cheeks. The experience of reading something like that, reliving some lovely moments from an earlier life altogether or the pain of having to relive some memories which you hold so close to your heart for the fear of forgetting altogether - it was indescribably honest. Like coming up for fresh air amidst chaos.
And then there was love. Love oozing from each page, all kinds of it. Forgiving, yearning, forgetful, unabashed, unrelenting, unconditional, necessary, wrongfully prohibited, the entire universe of love possible. How can someone who has known so much pain (as much pain as you think only you may have known) also know and believe in so much love. And then I realised something so significant, making all the difference. It’s probably what Rathnakumar is. Only someone who has known so much loss or pain could also have brought out so many versions of extraordinary and out-of-this-world love. Please note - not romance but pure, unabated love.
Thank you for this, Rathnakumar. This book will stay in mind for a long time, and will remain in the often-reached-out-to section of my bookshelf for various reasons. But mostly because, this is the book I would want to turn to when my morale is low and I want something reaffirming yo believe in even when all the world seems hopeless. For that, I’m grateful.