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it's all in your head, m
It wasn’t until Manjiri Indurkar was in her twenties and living away from home that she began to suspect that all wasn’t well with her. Growing up in Jabalpur with a loving and supportive family, her childhood had been perfect. Why then was her body telling her otherwise? Confronted with the vagaries of her health, Manjiri came to a realisation—her body could contain its secrets no longer. It was time to let go.
To make sense of the present, she needs to address the violence of the past, but it is not easy to do while balancing a life and career in an alien city with a demanding relationship. Even as Manjiri grapples with the trauma and abuse she faced as a child, she tries to lead a regular, healthy life. Written with visceral honesty and unapologetic candour, It’s All In Your Head, M chronicles the confidences a female body learns to keep. As much a coming-of-age story as it is an exploration of the author’s struggles with mental health, this reflective memoir speaks to all survivors of abuse, offering up a tale of strength and resilience and the ultimate potion of self-care: love and acceptance.
To make sense of the present, she needs to address the violence of the past, but it is not easy to do while balancing a life and career in an alien city with a demanding relationship. Even as Manjiri grapples with the trauma and abuse she faced as a child, she tries to lead a regular, healthy life. Written with visceral honesty and unapologetic candour, It’s All In Your Head, M chronicles the confidences a female body learns to keep. As much a coming-of-age story as it is an exploration of the author’s struggles with mental health, this reflective memoir speaks to all survivors of abuse, offering up a tale of strength and resilience and the ultimate potion of self-care: love and acceptance.
232 pages, Paperback
Published October 26, 2020
25 people are currently reading
518 people want to read
About the author
Manjiri Indurkar
3 books33 followersManjiri Indurkar writes from Jabalpur. She is the author of her memoir, 'It's All in Your Head, M', poetry collection, 'Origami Aai', and a chapbook of poetry, 'Dental Hygiene is Very Important'. Her works have appeared in places like the Indian Quarterly, Cha: Asian Literary Journal, Scroll, Indian Express, Poetry at Sangam, Arre, The Bombay Literary Magazine, Himal, Skin Stories, Indian Cultural Forum, and elsewhere.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 56 reviews
February 9, 2021
Review - Long Overdue
Sometimes I don’t like being in my head. I feel unwelcomed.
It is not always a warm place you see. Sometimes it is as if you are at one of those loud parties you are trying to avoid except that you are also the host. So you know you don’t have a choice. You are in it until it’s over.
Around the time I read Manjiri Indurkar's "it's all in your head, m" I was going through a period of despair I thought I had left long behind. That I had reached a certain juncture and was now prepared to take care of things that had once troubled me.
To wade through existential crisis once and in your mind to come out of it successfully, should have been sufficient for a lifetime no? Guess what. It wasn't. That feeling of utter anxiety when the helplessness stares at you right in the face was gone for good only in my thoughts. So when it came back creeping my head, making its way slowly to tighten its grip, I was left bewildered. Then I turned to the only refuge that has never disappointed me – books.
I picked up Manjiri’s memoir and went on a journey to the deepest recesses of her mind. As I continued reading, it felt like I was ambulating through a past that was not only hers but also mine, instances I had buried in my head because they were baffling - more than they were painful.
In her absolutely honest and lucid voice, Manjiri narrates the story of her life. Taking the reader on a ride through her head, she offers glances into various phases of her life - her childhood, growing up years and adult life, her anxieties which had built up slowly and which she registered only when she came face to face with a physical illness. She writes about her discomfort in a relationship, about her depression and about finding a good counselor, about making decisions and facing the demons of trauma of sexual abuse as a child.
This book however is not only about her sufferings but also about moments of joy in the ordinariness of life lived in a small sleepy town, about love which twines familial relationships, about that warmth of companionships which sprinkles days with happiness – making it gleam with kindnesses we allow to ourselves, about those cherished places returning where is also an arrival.
What really struck me most while reading this moving memoir was that it is as much about coming to terms with depression and anxiety as it is about accepting the challenges of living with them day after day and of understanding that it might be a long battle and that despite the struggle, life will not and should not halt. Is this book about hope then? I would say it is about taking one day at a time, of letting the anxieties pass you by as you stand in the awareness of your own vulnerabilities and strengths.
Sometimes I don’t like being in my head. I feel unwelcomed.
It is not always a warm place you see. Sometimes it is as if you are at one of those loud parties you are trying to avoid except that you are also the host. So you know you don’t have a choice. You are in it until it’s over.
Around the time I read Manjiri Indurkar's "it's all in your head, m" I was going through a period of despair I thought I had left long behind. That I had reached a certain juncture and was now prepared to take care of things that had once troubled me.
To wade through existential crisis once and in your mind to come out of it successfully, should have been sufficient for a lifetime no? Guess what. It wasn't. That feeling of utter anxiety when the helplessness stares at you right in the face was gone for good only in my thoughts. So when it came back creeping my head, making its way slowly to tighten its grip, I was left bewildered. Then I turned to the only refuge that has never disappointed me – books.
I picked up Manjiri’s memoir and went on a journey to the deepest recesses of her mind. As I continued reading, it felt like I was ambulating through a past that was not only hers but also mine, instances I had buried in my head because they were baffling - more than they were painful.
In her absolutely honest and lucid voice, Manjiri narrates the story of her life. Taking the reader on a ride through her head, she offers glances into various phases of her life - her childhood, growing up years and adult life, her anxieties which had built up slowly and which she registered only when she came face to face with a physical illness. She writes about her discomfort in a relationship, about her depression and about finding a good counselor, about making decisions and facing the demons of trauma of sexual abuse as a child.
This book however is not only about her sufferings but also about moments of joy in the ordinariness of life lived in a small sleepy town, about love which twines familial relationships, about that warmth of companionships which sprinkles days with happiness – making it gleam with kindnesses we allow to ourselves, about those cherished places returning where is also an arrival.
What really struck me most while reading this moving memoir was that it is as much about coming to terms with depression and anxiety as it is about accepting the challenges of living with them day after day and of understanding that it might be a long battle and that despite the struggle, life will not and should not halt. Is this book about hope then? I would say it is about taking one day at a time, of letting the anxieties pass you by as you stand in the awareness of your own vulnerabilities and strengths.
November 16, 2020
Edit: 10/Nov Moving to 5 stars. Can't get it out of my head.
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i think Manjiri purposefully begins her memoir at a junction in her life that starts with an emergency hospital visit that results in a surprise diagnosis. she quickly narrates the set up of her life which is pretty normal for a twenty something year old girl living in Delhi with her boyfriend. but once she is discharged from the hospital, the aftermath of it really sets in. it is then she realizes the nature of her problems - the deep rooted trauma from her childhood has slowly poisoned her system to the point where it has currently burst her health in the present. what follows after is the narration of the birth of the said trauma, the sexual abuse she undergoes as a mere six year old child in the hands of a charming young man.
home becomes unsafe to her with multiple experiences of trauma being associated to it; what would one do in such a situation? say that its all in your head? don't be sad, just get over it? or "oh come on, we are all sad, do we cry and throw tantrum like this?" in a country where mental health is still not talked about in open and victims of sexual abuse are treated with contempt than compassion, my heart goes out to child-Manjiri, who must have been confused and unable to understand why it was her fault.
all the time she holes herself in her room and shuts away from the world, i can hear the world around her whisper. it is as if we in this part of the world belong to a different species. especially if you are middle class. we can't afford to be depressed. we can't afford to have mental health issues. the taboo is too strong. the rejection is too immediate. I am very happy Manjiri had a decent support system in her friends (to a good extent) who were there on the other side of the phone. she talks about being lonely too and with all that's going on in her life, it must have been awful; to be trapped in anxious nightmare of ones own making with fear of mortality of parents nagging on the side and eventual collapse of life as we know it - seems familiar?
Manjiri's way of narration is like talking to a friend. memoir being anecdotal but the story telling doesn't sound embellished or smoothed around the edges, and this is where her writing strength is.
-----------------------------------------------------
i think Manjiri purposefully begins her memoir at a junction in her life that starts with an emergency hospital visit that results in a surprise diagnosis. she quickly narrates the set up of her life which is pretty normal for a twenty something year old girl living in Delhi with her boyfriend. but once she is discharged from the hospital, the aftermath of it really sets in. it is then she realizes the nature of her problems - the deep rooted trauma from her childhood has slowly poisoned her system to the point where it has currently burst her health in the present. what follows after is the narration of the birth of the said trauma, the sexual abuse she undergoes as a mere six year old child in the hands of a charming young man.
home becomes unsafe to her with multiple experiences of trauma being associated to it; what would one do in such a situation? say that its all in your head? don't be sad, just get over it? or "oh come on, we are all sad, do we cry and throw tantrum like this?" in a country where mental health is still not talked about in open and victims of sexual abuse are treated with contempt than compassion, my heart goes out to child-Manjiri, who must have been confused and unable to understand why it was her fault.
all the time she holes herself in her room and shuts away from the world, i can hear the world around her whisper. it is as if we in this part of the world belong to a different species. especially if you are middle class. we can't afford to be depressed. we can't afford to have mental health issues. the taboo is too strong. the rejection is too immediate. I am very happy Manjiri had a decent support system in her friends (to a good extent) who were there on the other side of the phone. she talks about being lonely too and with all that's going on in her life, it must have been awful; to be trapped in anxious nightmare of ones own making with fear of mortality of parents nagging on the side and eventual collapse of life as we know it - seems familiar?
Manjiri's way of narration is like talking to a friend. memoir being anecdotal but the story telling doesn't sound embellished or smoothed around the edges, and this is where her writing strength is.
December 17, 2020
The process of realization that not everything is all right and coming to terms with it along with a thousand other things is an extremely painful process. The social stigma doesn't make it any easier. That is what attracted me to this book and Manjiri's story.
.
This story is a realization that physical ailments are a manifestation of repressed memories and the trauma we have been carrying, especially the intensity of it. Our mind is a powerful tool and it gives its all to protect us, but eventually, the scars start to hurt rather than heal.
.
Indurkar, in her memoir, rightly points out the qualities we inherit from our parents, ones that doom us right from the time we were these little eggs in our mother's womb. Add in social norms to the mix and you got yourself a whole different level of crazy. This memoir is an answer to a few questions we have all been looking for, especially the ones who are carrying baggage they don't know how to put down.
'It's all in your head, m' is narrated by a voice that is strong and yet, vulnerable in many ways. A book I would DEFINITELY recommend.
.
This story is a realization that physical ailments are a manifestation of repressed memories and the trauma we have been carrying, especially the intensity of it. Our mind is a powerful tool and it gives its all to protect us, but eventually, the scars start to hurt rather than heal.
.
Indurkar, in her memoir, rightly points out the qualities we inherit from our parents, ones that doom us right from the time we were these little eggs in our mother's womb. Add in social norms to the mix and you got yourself a whole different level of crazy. This memoir is an answer to a few questions we have all been looking for, especially the ones who are carrying baggage they don't know how to put down.
'It's all in your head, m' is narrated by a voice that is strong and yet, vulnerable in many ways. A book I would DEFINITELY recommend.
November 12, 2020
[TW: Child abuse, sexual trauma, mental illness]
Manjiri Indurkar's memoir, "It's all in your head, m", is an honest and raw account of the author's journey through life, who is forced to face some very hard situations, ones that were almost entirely out of her control, which subsequently lead her to have severe mental health and body image issues throughout her life, and this is her uncensored chronicle of all these tussles that fill her days.
.
.
🍂 In the very beginning, we see a very young M, grappling with stomach issues, subsequently which leads her to seek emergency medical help and as they say, sometimes things have to go bad for them to be better, it's only when the body cannot bear the bring of mental complications, it seeks an outlet in physical form, and that is precisely what happened with M, and this is when her journey of processing all her suppressed feelings, her childhood trauma, her weight issues, her anxieties, her struggle with self-worth, begins.
.
.
🍁 If I were, to be honest, this was a very hard read for me, partly because the author had kept everything unadulterated and partly because I have also lived with really bad mental health. But even with that, I couldn't help but applaud the author for choosing to talk about the ugly truths, as it should be, the things that often get swept under the rug, and her bravery in bringing out her story, putting it in everyone's eyes to be read and dissected, which is never an easy thing to do, and I am sure it will give a lot of people the courage to talk about their stories as well.
Congratulations Manjiri Indurkar for this very powerful and courageous work.
Manjiri Indurkar's memoir, "It's all in your head, m", is an honest and raw account of the author's journey through life, who is forced to face some very hard situations, ones that were almost entirely out of her control, which subsequently lead her to have severe mental health and body image issues throughout her life, and this is her uncensored chronicle of all these tussles that fill her days.
.
.
🍂 In the very beginning, we see a very young M, grappling with stomach issues, subsequently which leads her to seek emergency medical help and as they say, sometimes things have to go bad for them to be better, it's only when the body cannot bear the bring of mental complications, it seeks an outlet in physical form, and that is precisely what happened with M, and this is when her journey of processing all her suppressed feelings, her childhood trauma, her weight issues, her anxieties, her struggle with self-worth, begins.
.
.
🍁 If I were, to be honest, this was a very hard read for me, partly because the author had kept everything unadulterated and partly because I have also lived with really bad mental health. But even with that, I couldn't help but applaud the author for choosing to talk about the ugly truths, as it should be, the things that often get swept under the rug, and her bravery in bringing out her story, putting it in everyone's eyes to be read and dissected, which is never an easy thing to do, and I am sure it will give a lot of people the courage to talk about their stories as well.
Congratulations Manjiri Indurkar for this very powerful and courageous work.
October 19, 2020
This book is an act of courage. Childhood sexual abuse, despite the increasing attention it has garnered over the years, remains an uncomfortable topic for the Indian society. We may no longer deny that it exists, but that it exists in our own homes and is perpetrated by people in our own social circles is still a tough pill to swallow for most. And that makes books (and other popular media) on the issue, especially personal accounts, a critical need. Not solely from an education and awareness standpoint, but also for survivors to find their stories represented, their voices amplified and their suffering reflected.
Remarkably, even while speaking of unspeakable horrors and violation, Manjiri manages to keep hope and healing at the centre of the narrative. She brings alive the lasting impact of sexual trauma, and the complicated web it often weaves around the person's physical and psychological self. But while her recounting is authentic and vulnerable, it's also carefully balanced such that you can walk the path alongside her instead of being overwhelmed. She allows you a window into her mind- its maladies, fears, quirks- and invites you untangle the mess with her.
One of the endorsements on the cover declares that the defining quality of this book is its absolute necessity. I couldn't agree more.
Remarkably, even while speaking of unspeakable horrors and violation, Manjiri manages to keep hope and healing at the centre of the narrative. She brings alive the lasting impact of sexual trauma, and the complicated web it often weaves around the person's physical and psychological self. But while her recounting is authentic and vulnerable, it's also carefully balanced such that you can walk the path alongside her instead of being overwhelmed. She allows you a window into her mind- its maladies, fears, quirks- and invites you untangle the mess with her.
One of the endorsements on the cover declares that the defining quality of this book is its absolute necessity. I couldn't agree more.
October 26, 2020
This is more than a memoir of the author’s life – finding that her physical health was being impacted drastically by her childhood trauma and subsequently, her struggle with her mental health and what it entailed for her in her battle of trying to cope on an every day basis.The writing reaches out to you and pins you down, in fact just so much that the reader in me read it like fiction while continuously being aware that the author has lived all of the emotions and experiences that seeped off the pages.
And no, the book is not just about dredging all the hurts and wrongs or there are all things that affirm life – real life friendships, literary succuor and how words and books can lead to discoveries, the safe haven of escapism that Bollywood and TV series can be, and the delight of community that is so unique to small towns. There are sections that will leave you totally unprepared for what lies in store for the tone of writing is very conversational. That I believe is a good thing too for I am waiting already for the author to write her next book.
It is a book that will affect readers in so many ways but mostly, it has hope to offer to many people who are bearing the weight of fighting lonely battles for a sense of meaning, and the validation of knowing that there are people out there who have undergone the same tough battles. It's certainly a book that needs to be read and discussed at length.
And no, the book is not just about dredging all the hurts and wrongs or there are all things that affirm life – real life friendships, literary succuor and how words and books can lead to discoveries, the safe haven of escapism that Bollywood and TV series can be, and the delight of community that is so unique to small towns. There are sections that will leave you totally unprepared for what lies in store for the tone of writing is very conversational. That I believe is a good thing too for I am waiting already for the author to write her next book.
It is a book that will affect readers in so many ways but mostly, it has hope to offer to many people who are bearing the weight of fighting lonely battles for a sense of meaning, and the validation of knowing that there are people out there who have undergone the same tough battles. It's certainly a book that needs to be read and discussed at length.
February 6, 2024
A very personal account of how the author survived childhood abuse, indifference by adults who mattered, failed relationships and body focussed repetitive behaviors.
I hugely admire the courage required to deal with all these issues openly for strangers to read.
This exposes the huge lacuna that exists in child safety and mental health issues in this country of ours.
Was not a light read.
I hugely admire the courage required to deal with all these issues openly for strangers to read.
This exposes the huge lacuna that exists in child safety and mental health issues in this country of ours.
Was not a light read.
December 22, 2020
Manjiri Indurkar’s memoir jumps over all possible obstacle tropes with palpable vulnerability and unadulterated courage. Had she resisted her honesty even once, she could have made this book sheltered from the hard truths that come with the paradoxical nature of the average Indian middle-class family. This book does two exceedingly critical things when it comes to English Indian Memoir writing. The first being this- she tramples all over our ingrained sense of shying away from deconstructing those we are thought never to deconstruct: parents, grandparents, lovers, friends, and most importantly ourselves, our body, and the mind that is connected to this body. This form of truth-telling is vital to creating systemic change in the biggest savarna myth- that everything that is contained is pure and purity is maintained with family, education, and denial. Indurkar rips apart the notion that silence, the biggest instigator of multiple and lasting denial, will save us and allow us to ‘adjust’ and get by.
The second thing her writing does is to illustrate how trauma impacts the body and allows its illness to manifest in the body in response to them, how they possibly carry on and leave what might seem like seemingly invisible damages over time. This is something I am personally compelled by and think so necessary to think about when it comes to intergenerational trauma and illness. It’s all in your head M, are strings of memory and conditioning that we all get to grasp at and remember with. I loved her non-linear narrative, starting from college and lovers, to her traumatic childhood, to the complexity of relationships of those she loved most. All the while witnessing how the author created her own story by becoming a poet, an editor, a writer, and a human being who accepts healing isn’t linear nor time-bound. What's on offer is a rich telling of her becoming blended with a healthy dose of self-awareness. Indurkar's quiet prose and Indian pop-culture tidbits make for a narrative that invites you into both her darkness and light and makes sure you never feel like you've overstayed your welcome.
The second thing her writing does is to illustrate how trauma impacts the body and allows its illness to manifest in the body in response to them, how they possibly carry on and leave what might seem like seemingly invisible damages over time. This is something I am personally compelled by and think so necessary to think about when it comes to intergenerational trauma and illness. It’s all in your head M, are strings of memory and conditioning that we all get to grasp at and remember with. I loved her non-linear narrative, starting from college and lovers, to her traumatic childhood, to the complexity of relationships of those she loved most. All the while witnessing how the author created her own story by becoming a poet, an editor, a writer, and a human being who accepts healing isn’t linear nor time-bound. What's on offer is a rich telling of her becoming blended with a healthy dose of self-awareness. Indurkar's quiet prose and Indian pop-culture tidbits make for a narrative that invites you into both her darkness and light and makes sure you never feel like you've overstayed your welcome.
May 27, 2022
// it's all in your head, m by @manjiriindurkar
I purchased this memoir on a whim to support @westland_books when the news of their closing was announced. I didn't read the blurb but simply chose this book because it promised to speak of mental health. A few days ago when I finally started reading it, I found it impossible to put it down. I read it while I worked, while I ate and finished it late into the night. Or morning because it was 3.30am. And I was left with a throbbing pain in the middle of my chest for little Manjiri.
The book begins with Manjiri's scary encounter with Rotavirus. This seemingly simple incident eventually opens up a portal of pain and terror in her mind, bringing back everything that has gone wrong since her childhood. Growing up in Jabalpur to parents who were ahead of their time, Manjiri could have had an ideal childhood. Could. No one knew that the little girl who looked beaming in the pictures all those years ago, had dark secrets hidden behind her eyes. Having been sexually abused as a child, Manjiri speaks of trauma that comes back to haunt her even today.
This infuriating incident which was carried out again and again, eventually stemmed out to mental trauma. How else can a child cope with this tragedy at such a young age? As she grew up, Manjiri noticed a pattern in her romantic relationships, her anger towards her grandmother and her tumultuous relationship with her body. What she couldn't say to the world, was put down on paper as poems.
There's so much to write about this book but I honestly don't want to give away too much. Although this book unpacks a lot of trauma and pain, Manjiri's writing keeps you going. It is simply exceptional. She has clipped tiny pieces of her heart onto these pages and it really shows.
Writing a book like this takes immense courage but I can also imagine how liberating it must have been to get this rock lifted off her chest, even if it is for a little while. I cannot wait to read more by her. And I can't thank her enough for her honesty in writing this memoir.
I highly recommend this.
I purchased this memoir on a whim to support @westland_books when the news of their closing was announced. I didn't read the blurb but simply chose this book because it promised to speak of mental health. A few days ago when I finally started reading it, I found it impossible to put it down. I read it while I worked, while I ate and finished it late into the night. Or morning because it was 3.30am. And I was left with a throbbing pain in the middle of my chest for little Manjiri.
The book begins with Manjiri's scary encounter with Rotavirus. This seemingly simple incident eventually opens up a portal of pain and terror in her mind, bringing back everything that has gone wrong since her childhood. Growing up in Jabalpur to parents who were ahead of their time, Manjiri could have had an ideal childhood. Could. No one knew that the little girl who looked beaming in the pictures all those years ago, had dark secrets hidden behind her eyes. Having been sexually abused as a child, Manjiri speaks of trauma that comes back to haunt her even today.
This infuriating incident which was carried out again and again, eventually stemmed out to mental trauma. How else can a child cope with this tragedy at such a young age? As she grew up, Manjiri noticed a pattern in her romantic relationships, her anger towards her grandmother and her tumultuous relationship with her body. What she couldn't say to the world, was put down on paper as poems.
There's so much to write about this book but I honestly don't want to give away too much. Although this book unpacks a lot of trauma and pain, Manjiri's writing keeps you going. It is simply exceptional. She has clipped tiny pieces of her heart onto these pages and it really shows.
Writing a book like this takes immense courage but I can also imagine how liberating it must have been to get this rock lifted off her chest, even if it is for a little while. I cannot wait to read more by her. And I can't thank her enough for her honesty in writing this memoir.
I highly recommend this.
November 1, 2020
I knew going into this novel that this was a memoir, dealing with the difficult crossroads between physical health and emotional well-being, and the long-term effects of childhood trauma on both those deceptively separate things. I know Manjiri a little bit on Facebook (we have a mutual friend) and so pre-ordered the book based on her smart, fun Facebook persona (I wonder what she thinks of mine, if she does at all). This is to say I knew the book would be dealing with moments that would be difficult to read and think about, but I wasn't sure what to expect.
Indurkar takes a ruthles scalpel not only to childhood sexual abuse but also to her self as a friend, a daughter and granddaughter, a (romantic) partner and as a student; we are exposed not just to the sins committed against her but her own actions without self-pity or excuses. Her entire narrative deals very intimately with pain, betrayal and rage, but Indurkar holds a very firm control on the narrative - she is not here to simply splash horror on the pages and get a visceral reaction.
Compassion is the theme of one of her chapters dealing with her family, but it also is the fundamental usage of that scalpel I mentioned earlier. Indurkar talks of her self and her past, her lovers and partners, and people who have caused her great harm with gentle care, contextualising every action and trying to see the others' lives and perspectives.
Something we see in this memoir is that child abuse doesn't always exist in an ognorant vaccuum. So often it is buttressed, covered up, hidden by family who should have known, who should have cared, who should have protected the child. Indurkar talks of this book as a way to heal herself, but it also acts as a condemnation, and a mercy, to the people who let her down.
I knew Indurkar before this book as a poet, and she intersperses the memoir with prose poems she wrote at the time. Indurkar's poetry is evocative and compulsive reading , elevating the prose style of the rest of the book.
Physical and mental health are one and the same in Indurkar's novel. The memoir starts with an intensively severe diarrhoea that lands her in the hospital - everything unravels from there. Except no - everything had unravelled a long time earlier, and Indurkar had just ignored it. Not supressed - this is not a filmy narrative where there is a sudden resurfacing of memory. Our healing is not merely in our knowing, or even in our speaking, of trauma. Sitting with trauma, and examining it, and then looking and examining all the traumas that we carried and weilded on ourselves after - this takes more than a telling, and I hope Indurkar found it in her book.
Given the poisonous silence we hold around sexual abuse, and child abuse, in this country and everywhere else, this book would already be a must-read for education alone. But it is a beautiful and hopeful exploration of survival, and living, with deep wounds, and slowly closing them, and so worth reading even if you already know.
Indurkar takes a ruthles scalpel not only to childhood sexual abuse but also to her self as a friend, a daughter and granddaughter, a (romantic) partner and as a student; we are exposed not just to the sins committed against her but her own actions without self-pity or excuses. Her entire narrative deals very intimately with pain, betrayal and rage, but Indurkar holds a very firm control on the narrative - she is not here to simply splash horror on the pages and get a visceral reaction.
Compassion is the theme of one of her chapters dealing with her family, but it also is the fundamental usage of that scalpel I mentioned earlier. Indurkar talks of her self and her past, her lovers and partners, and people who have caused her great harm with gentle care, contextualising every action and trying to see the others' lives and perspectives.
Something we see in this memoir is that child abuse doesn't always exist in an ognorant vaccuum. So often it is buttressed, covered up, hidden by family who should have known, who should have cared, who should have protected the child. Indurkar talks of this book as a way to heal herself, but it also acts as a condemnation, and a mercy, to the people who let her down.
I knew Indurkar before this book as a poet, and she intersperses the memoir with prose poems she wrote at the time. Indurkar's poetry is evocative and compulsive reading , elevating the prose style of the rest of the book.
Physical and mental health are one and the same in Indurkar's novel. The memoir starts with an intensively severe diarrhoea that lands her in the hospital - everything unravels from there. Except no - everything had unravelled a long time earlier, and Indurkar had just ignored it. Not supressed - this is not a filmy narrative where there is a sudden resurfacing of memory. Our healing is not merely in our knowing, or even in our speaking, of trauma. Sitting with trauma, and examining it, and then looking and examining all the traumas that we carried and weilded on ourselves after - this takes more than a telling, and I hope Indurkar found it in her book.
Given the poisonous silence we hold around sexual abuse, and child abuse, in this country and everywhere else, this book would already be a must-read for education alone. But it is a beautiful and hopeful exploration of survival, and living, with deep wounds, and slowly closing them, and so worth reading even if you already know.
September 1, 2025
(4.5) beautifully written. painful for me to read personally cause I think I related to it a little too much (that's not a bad thing, btw). 10/10 no notes.
July 28, 2025
This book made sad and uncomfortable - and all of it was not just the book.
October 21, 2021
As soon as I finished reading this beautifully honest book; I placed it on my chest, closed my eyes and heaved a sigh. A smile cupped the corners of my lips.
Manjiri Indurkar; thank you!
Thank you for writing your story, thank you for letting us all know that we are not alone and no matter how much the world emulates the big bad wolf, we'll find a baker(s) (read: friends, family, therapists, books, food, travel etc. ) who would rescuse us from the endless pit of this ghoulish world.
We all know people or are people who have or have had to go through rough phases of mental turbulences. Yet most of us aren't aware of when or how it started. This book scrapes through the history of the author's life as she pieces her life together by trying to understand her family's story in order to understand herself better.
Anxiety and depression work in different ways for everyone; though one set pattern that these little monkeys swear by is indelibly imbuing the wearer with the fact that they are alone, the shroud of doubt is theirs and theirs alone, and it's an endless dark tunnel with no hope of ever seeing the light. This osmosis comes with a thumping sound. But Manjiri reinforces that you're not alone.
Despite reading all the positive quotes and life stories, nothing has managed to pierce through my heart and mind like Manjiri's book, majorly because it bathes in honesty. What Manjiri has had to endure and the after effects; for example the physical manifestation of anxiety as a stomach ache or nausea, is something that I'm quite familiar with. This book struck a home run for me. The seemingly dark endless tunnel may/ will eventually end. She has not only managed to introduce me to new writers, but has also become my friend (in my head, M haha). She has managed to beautifully craft the struggles, battles, war scars and her triumphs into this 216 paged novel and words will never suffice how grateful and thankful I am to her for this.
This book and her life is a perfect example of "if winter comes, can spring be far behind?
Manjiri Indurkar; you are me and I am you. Thank you.
Manjiri Indurkar; thank you!
Thank you for writing your story, thank you for letting us all know that we are not alone and no matter how much the world emulates the big bad wolf, we'll find a baker(s) (read: friends, family, therapists, books, food, travel etc. ) who would rescuse us from the endless pit of this ghoulish world.
We all know people or are people who have or have had to go through rough phases of mental turbulences. Yet most of us aren't aware of when or how it started. This book scrapes through the history of the author's life as she pieces her life together by trying to understand her family's story in order to understand herself better.
Anxiety and depression work in different ways for everyone; though one set pattern that these little monkeys swear by is indelibly imbuing the wearer with the fact that they are alone, the shroud of doubt is theirs and theirs alone, and it's an endless dark tunnel with no hope of ever seeing the light. This osmosis comes with a thumping sound. But Manjiri reinforces that you're not alone.
Despite reading all the positive quotes and life stories, nothing has managed to pierce through my heart and mind like Manjiri's book, majorly because it bathes in honesty. What Manjiri has had to endure and the after effects; for example the physical manifestation of anxiety as a stomach ache or nausea, is something that I'm quite familiar with. This book struck a home run for me. The seemingly dark endless tunnel may/ will eventually end. She has not only managed to introduce me to new writers, but has also become my friend (in my head, M haha). She has managed to beautifully craft the struggles, battles, war scars and her triumphs into this 216 paged novel and words will never suffice how grateful and thankful I am to her for this.
This book and her life is a perfect example of "if winter comes, can spring be far behind?
Manjiri Indurkar; you are me and I am you. Thank you.
February 24, 2022
TW: hypochondria, child sexual abuse, eating disorders
Difficult read that might feel suffocating, but has it's moments of redemption as well. Overall I wouldn't recommend it unless you are doing okay mental health wise
Difficult read that might feel suffocating, but has it's moments of redemption as well. Overall I wouldn't recommend it unless you are doing okay mental health wise
November 11, 2020
Brutally honest and raw
Found this book on the insta page of @westland_books and I am glad for it.
I am thankful to @manjiriindurkar for writing this raw, honest and gut wrenching memoir.
We are a product of our experiences and childhood traumas have horrendous ways of manifesting in our lives throughout. While there is no magical potion that can heal years of hurt and pain, it’s important to be able to talk about it. And as a society, we have a duty to encourage these disturbing, but very important conversations.
Found this book on the insta page of @westland_books and I am glad for it.
I am thankful to @manjiriindurkar for writing this raw, honest and gut wrenching memoir.
We are a product of our experiences and childhood traumas have horrendous ways of manifesting in our lives throughout. While there is no magical potion that can heal years of hurt and pain, it’s important to be able to talk about it. And as a society, we have a duty to encourage these disturbing, but very important conversations.
December 14, 2020
I am so glad that I picked this book @bahrisons_booksellers out of curiosity...
In many ways it felt that i can relate to her so much ...
It's all in your head,m is a non-fictional memoir of the author.
A memoir which reveals the secret of her childhood sexual abuse concealed within her.
In her twenties when she was in a city away from her home leaving on her own she came across a medical condition which landed her in hospital for someday ,and even after recovering from the condition and back from hospital she was circled by the thoughts of getting sick again.
Tackling with these health conditions she realised that it's not just the present, she needs to address her past ,her childhood abuse which her body was not ready to keep a secret anymore .
All this was happening along with her romantic relationship with Avi which felt more like an emotional abuse which led her into depression & anxiety.
In her own words,
It (memoir) speaks to the survivors of abuse , offering a tale of strength and resilience and the ultimate potion of self care : love and acceptance.
#highlyrecommended
#booklover#bookstagrammer
#readwithkhan #books
#bookshelf
#bookstagram
In many ways it felt that i can relate to her so much ...
It's all in your head,m is a non-fictional memoir of the author.
A memoir which reveals the secret of her childhood sexual abuse concealed within her.
In her twenties when she was in a city away from her home leaving on her own she came across a medical condition which landed her in hospital for someday ,and even after recovering from the condition and back from hospital she was circled by the thoughts of getting sick again.
Tackling with these health conditions she realised that it's not just the present, she needs to address her past ,her childhood abuse which her body was not ready to keep a secret anymore .
All this was happening along with her romantic relationship with Avi which felt more like an emotional abuse which led her into depression & anxiety.
In her own words,
It (memoir) speaks to the survivors of abuse , offering a tale of strength and resilience and the ultimate potion of self care : love and acceptance.
#highlyrecommended
#booklover#bookstagrammer
#readwithkhan #books
#bookshelf
#bookstagram
July 5, 2021
" we are a country where people don’t want to talk about mental illnesses, where depression is just sadness, everything else is madness. "
June 22, 2021
A beautiful, authentic, and ruthlessly honest memoir. Reading this was cathartic but also eerie because parts of it felt like pages from long-forgotten journals — or the conversations I’ve had only with close friends — had been laid bare in front of me. Not an easy read, but a very, very important one.
December 2, 2020
This book had really close insights into the life of people who are fighting with their anxieties every day, how they are coping with their struggles, overcoming them and moving forward in life. It's always easier said than done and a mind with anxieties is not easy to untangle. It requires motivation and help from your loved ones. This book brings out the importance of self-care and how we can overturn a disaster, only if we decide to do it ourselves.
May 6, 2023
"Soon the world around me ceased to matter. I only had time to think about myself. I only had time to figure out what each and every movement of my body signified. What was this strange chore I seemed to have signed up for without reading the documents?"
It goes without saying that this memoir is quite a triggering read. It particularly affected me for a lot of reasons and I had to take it slowly over extended periods of time. Indurkar doesn't hold back as she recounts her experiences of sexual abuse as a child by men she knew, and how it led to body dysmorphia. She talks about her struggles with mental health as an adult—depression, anxiety, and hypochondria. She looks at her long-term relationships, her family dynamic, her stint with therapists, her career and friendships, and ultimately how she emerged from the fog.
On the level of craft, there is not much going on really. It is a very straightforward narrative even though Indurkar doesn't go about things strictly chronologically. It gets circular and repetitive in ways that don't enhance it. The ending can feel abrupt as the book sort of just fizzles out but it is not a big deal. Overall, this is a harrowing read that's a momentous act of bravery on Indurkar's part. She brilliantly highlights how a legacy of trauma gets passed down across generations, how women often receive the short end of the stick, and how mental illness is easily stigmatized.
August 11, 2021
This is the real story of Manjiri Indurkar, who, I reckon, wrote her life story and about her mental struggles with great courage. I have no words worthy to review this book, not now. Neither will I say that it is a mind-blowing read but it is something, what I think, you shouldn’t miss. It delves deeper and deeper into the mind of Manjiri and this was the first time I ever experienced that. I needed that. There’s a world out there with many people like Manjiri and to at least guess or try to understand what mess they might be trying to clean in their head every single day, this book was tremendously helpful.
At first the story seemed ordinary, but as it progressed it went deeper into Manjiri’s mind. It makes you understand.
She talks about her onset, therapists, fears, complex feelings, family, upbringing, her relationship with her grandmother and more. And while all this is going on I realise that even after facing trauma and abuse during her childhood, she managed to come out as a strong woman. The truth is also that all wasn’t well. Not until she addressed it and still the struggle continues. How it affected her then present relationships. Does she know whats better for her? What did she do with that information?
At first the story seemed ordinary, but as it progressed it went deeper into Manjiri’s mind. It makes you understand.
She talks about her onset, therapists, fears, complex feelings, family, upbringing, her relationship with her grandmother and more. And while all this is going on I realise that even after facing trauma and abuse during her childhood, she managed to come out as a strong woman. The truth is also that all wasn’t well. Not until she addressed it and still the struggle continues. How it affected her then present relationships. Does she know whats better for her? What did she do with that information?
September 9, 2021
I think everyone who reads this book will appreciate the courage and the honesty with which the author has recounted her traumatic experiences, and shared her journey of living with anxiety and depression. To me, it was a story which made me think of my own experiences and the times when I ignored what could possibly be psychosomatic symptoms as my body tried to tell me there was something wrong. It's an important book at a time when mental health is finally being talked about and we are at least trying to be more aware of how life can leave scars on our mind, some temporary and other permanent. The story and incidents mentioned in it might be triggering for some, so make sure you are in a safe and comfortable space when you are reading it.
March 1, 2022
i agree with ayantika di's review that this one is hard to recommend. in fact i recced this to ushi while i was reading it and then while reading i immediately prohibited her from reading this as well. it's just... a lot. to take in. i also felt annoyed sometimes by the writing style because of my internalised misogyny (which is still a thing, i guess) but i think the unflinchingly honest account manjiri writes helped a lot in my interest being maintained. i tend to go all, "why is this so juvenile" when it was anything but. i think memoirs bring out an ugly side of me. especially a memoir like this replete with so much homey ness, making me feel like i could be friends with the author in another time, another life. really really loved it when she talked about jeanette winterson, whose memoirs i love so much, as being someone whose story is very "neat". it actually is. i once read a New Yorker author talk of Jeanette in terms of the metaphor of a hero's quest; that's how her narrative goes, she said. it made sense. she is right. winterson despite all the messiness of her life emerges a victor. she builds her narrative up that way. of course trauma is never that simple and she returns in loops and permutations, again and again. but it's easy to read it like a victory. honestly it's easy to do the same for this book too, in a sense, but because manjiri's story feels closer, more personal, it's easy to recognize the imperfectness.
edit: on thinking about it, i'm not wrong, the writing is a little funky at times. some details were described a little too in-detail, which made me skip them (not the bits about trauma and abuse, some mundane things, like the description of her oats bowl) and others were not delved into enough. enough for the narration to make sense, i mean -- a book as difficult as this does not need someone else to dictate what is explicated and what isn't, that's entirely up to the author. but yeah i still had these issues. not that i didn't love the descriptions, i live for slice of life writing. but overall it threw me off often. i honestly feel like this one needs to be re-read, but because of the subject matter i have no clue if i will re-read it again. maybe i will recommend it to ushi after all. just to have someone to talk about it with.
edit: on thinking about it, i'm not wrong, the writing is a little funky at times. some details were described a little too in-detail, which made me skip them (not the bits about trauma and abuse, some mundane things, like the description of her oats bowl) and others were not delved into enough. enough for the narration to make sense, i mean -- a book as difficult as this does not need someone else to dictate what is explicated and what isn't, that's entirely up to the author. but yeah i still had these issues. not that i didn't love the descriptions, i live for slice of life writing. but overall it threw me off often. i honestly feel like this one needs to be re-read, but because of the subject matter i have no clue if i will re-read it again. maybe i will recommend it to ushi after all. just to have someone to talk about it with.
January 4, 2021
TW: childhood trauma, sexual abuse, illness, trichotillomania
I've been loving memoirs and find myself increasingly drawn to them over the last few years. So it wasn't much of a surprise when I picked this as my first read of the year.
I've previously read some of Manjiri's essays and have always wondered whether she would write a book. I was so thrilled to have a whole paperback of Manjiri's words and experiences to devour. My favourite thing about the way she writes is that I've often fallen into it, deep, before I even realise. It always feels so matter of fact and seamless, and through my own experiences writing, I'm aware that it's incredibly difficult to give the reader that experience.
I found myself nodding vigorously especially through all the health related incidents and experiences that Manjiri shared throughout the book. We definitely need more accounts of lived experiences of the healthcare system, and also those of navigating an ableist world. How do you navigate love when you're depressed? What does it mean to live in constant fear of your own body? These are just some of the things I thought about while reading 'it's all in your head, m'.
Bollywood isn't my strong knowledge point so I was sad that I missed out on a whole layer of meanings that all those references would have brought. But I spent a significant amount of time searching all of them because FOMO? Haha. Of course I was super excited every time I spotted a literary reference.
I cried so many times. And crying while reading a book is my favourite and least favourite thing because of how intense the experience is. It's often books like these that I hold onto and remember even years later (which is a huge deal when you live with brain fog). Manjiri's words felt like sitting with a friend on a comfortable couch, talking from dusk to dawn and continuing to exchange words while slowly falling asleep, almost in sync, sharing a blanket: a very specific feeling of comfort and kinship.
This review is all over the place and I'm not even trying to structure it or make it cohesive because SO MANY FEELS.
I've been loving memoirs and find myself increasingly drawn to them over the last few years. So it wasn't much of a surprise when I picked this as my first read of the year.
I've previously read some of Manjiri's essays and have always wondered whether she would write a book. I was so thrilled to have a whole paperback of Manjiri's words and experiences to devour. My favourite thing about the way she writes is that I've often fallen into it, deep, before I even realise. It always feels so matter of fact and seamless, and through my own experiences writing, I'm aware that it's incredibly difficult to give the reader that experience.
I found myself nodding vigorously especially through all the health related incidents and experiences that Manjiri shared throughout the book. We definitely need more accounts of lived experiences of the healthcare system, and also those of navigating an ableist world. How do you navigate love when you're depressed? What does it mean to live in constant fear of your own body? These are just some of the things I thought about while reading 'it's all in your head, m'.
Bollywood isn't my strong knowledge point so I was sad that I missed out on a whole layer of meanings that all those references would have brought. But I spent a significant amount of time searching all of them because FOMO? Haha. Of course I was super excited every time I spotted a literary reference.
I cried so many times. And crying while reading a book is my favourite and least favourite thing because of how intense the experience is. It's often books like these that I hold onto and remember even years later (which is a huge deal when you live with brain fog). Manjiri's words felt like sitting with a friend on a comfortable couch, talking from dusk to dawn and continuing to exchange words while slowly falling asleep, almost in sync, sharing a blanket: a very specific feeling of comfort and kinship.
This review is all over the place and I'm not even trying to structure it or make it cohesive because SO MANY FEELS.
July 28, 2021
A highly personal narrative. The author takes us through the troughs and peaks of her life, including the abyss of depression that she found herself in. Kudos to the writer for sharing the pain, trauma, and hurts that she suffered as a child.
February 4, 2022
Memories are a tricky thing. They change and grow with us. Manjiri acknowledges this as she begins the journey into the deep, murky abyss of her darker memories. So should her readers. The book is by no means an easy read. Manjiri’s preoccupation with films forms the branches upon which her story grows. It unfolds in a Bollywoodesque dramatic fashion, but without a circular narrative and never tied up in a neat little bow. In her abusers she sees Hindi film villains who exploit and philander — this book is very much seen through a film reel.
And yet, like life, her writing is fragmented, interrupted, a bit confused and messy at times.
Peppered with quotes from Plath, Wilde and Woolf, among others, to make sense of her personal chaos.
Manjiri represents the human condition well - despite all its ugliness and scars, she grasps with all she’s got at the vital force that is life. In the busy corridors of the Delhi metro she finds a song and a skip in her step. In telling off a nosy neighbour she finds her Bachchan-esque grit.
The truth is, I could not like the book. I saw too much of myself in the writing and that made me uncomfortable. Some of us are not ready to look at ourselves with the same floodlight Manjiri shines upon her experiences. It is a vulnerable position to be in - one that takes gargantuan courage. She untangles her trauma through her writings, some of which shines through like rough diamonds embedded in dark volcanic rock. Beauty and pain are interlinked in ways that feel too close to home.
Every woman I know has found ways to blame herself for the dehumanising gaze we face in public and private spaces. We struggle to unlearn the ways of our inherited patriarchy. Manjiri’s unlearning is uncomfortable, like all of ours. It is also physically violent and punitive. In all it’s naked ugliness, the author’s journey to meet herself is cathartic and beautiful. As a healing plant drops leaves, she too drops people and ideals that no longer serve her. Her body is her enemy until she learns to see it as her ally. Like a lot of Hindi cinema, her story too, is one of hope beyond suffering.
This book, the author herself warns you, is a rebirth. It’s a thing of beauty but it isn’t pretty.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 24, 2021
This is definitely one of the difficult books I've read this year but the subject matter dealt with here is something I was reading for the first time. The book is a memoir of the author - her constant, frightening mental and physical struggles that stemmed from being exploited when she was a child and all the painful efforts she put in towards squashing those feelings and subsequently facing them, failures, successes, love gained and lost, friendships made and nurtured right upto the present day where she has come to better terms with herself. Manjiri is quick to point that she's 'not all cured' or not depressed anymore, but she is in a much better place now than ever before.
'It's all in her head'. This is the phrase that I found myself thinking about many times as I read about Manjiri's obsessions and anxieties. It's literally the easiest and most probably, a factually correct explanation. But its also the stupidest thing to say to someone who would confide in you such fears, not to mention most unhelpful. It takes such tremendous courage to put down pen to paper and write about your innermost feelings and painful experiences with naked brutality, especially when all these have the horrifying potential to trigger fresh depression and anxieties. Manjiri is a fighter, still fighting her battles everyday, some days bigger ones than the others. She pretty much gives us a free ride in her head as she takes us through the experiences that went on to break her, little by little, dissecting each situation and trying to explain why she did what she did or did not do what she didn't. I squirmed very uncomfortably through some pages as I felt deeply troubled by her sense of loneliness and her tendencies to self-harm. Manjiri manages to come around to face her complexities with the help of a therapist and there begins a chapter of coming to terms with her past, connecting them with the issues in her present and her journey of self-empowerment and healing. She mentions that just like it takes a village to raise a child, she has received support and understanding from her loving family and close friends in this long journey. Her love for literature, writing poetry and journalism is also something that has helped and stuck with her throughout her life; writing this book was a natural progression in that regard.
Manjiri still lives with her struggles today and this is something that struck me so powerfully - not only did she have to face her demons, come to terms with them but she also has to keep facing them on a regular basis even after going through the healing process. This is only possible when you have conquered the erstwhile mentioned demons and prevail over them, not allowing them to raise their ugly head and push you down. Life is a constant struggle, but it can be overcome. Like Manjiri managed to do. I was so glad Manjiri concluded the book with positivity; I am so glad Manjiri crossed over to the happy, victorious side. I wish her luck and success in all that she does.
Compelling read.
'It's all in her head'. This is the phrase that I found myself thinking about many times as I read about Manjiri's obsessions and anxieties. It's literally the easiest and most probably, a factually correct explanation. But its also the stupidest thing to say to someone who would confide in you such fears, not to mention most unhelpful. It takes such tremendous courage to put down pen to paper and write about your innermost feelings and painful experiences with naked brutality, especially when all these have the horrifying potential to trigger fresh depression and anxieties. Manjiri is a fighter, still fighting her battles everyday, some days bigger ones than the others. She pretty much gives us a free ride in her head as she takes us through the experiences that went on to break her, little by little, dissecting each situation and trying to explain why she did what she did or did not do what she didn't. I squirmed very uncomfortably through some pages as I felt deeply troubled by her sense of loneliness and her tendencies to self-harm. Manjiri manages to come around to face her complexities with the help of a therapist and there begins a chapter of coming to terms with her past, connecting them with the issues in her present and her journey of self-empowerment and healing. She mentions that just like it takes a village to raise a child, she has received support and understanding from her loving family and close friends in this long journey. Her love for literature, writing poetry and journalism is also something that has helped and stuck with her throughout her life; writing this book was a natural progression in that regard.
Manjiri still lives with her struggles today and this is something that struck me so powerfully - not only did she have to face her demons, come to terms with them but she also has to keep facing them on a regular basis even after going through the healing process. This is only possible when you have conquered the erstwhile mentioned demons and prevail over them, not allowing them to raise their ugly head and push you down. Life is a constant struggle, but it can be overcome. Like Manjiri managed to do. I was so glad Manjiri concluded the book with positivity; I am so glad Manjiri crossed over to the happy, victorious side. I wish her luck and success in all that she does.
Compelling read.
June 6, 2021
मंजिरी इंदूरकर या लेखिकेचं हे आत्मचरित्रात्मक पुस्तक. डिप्रेशन आणि anxiety शी लढणाऱ्या मंजिरीची हि गोष्ट आहे.
मंजिरी हि मूळची उत्तरप्रदेशातील जबलपूरची, दिल्लीत शिक्षणानिमित्त आणि नंतर नोकरीसाठी ती तिच्या बॉयफ्रेंड सोबत राहत असते. एका रात्री तिला पोटाचा त्रास होतो आणि तिला हॉस्पिटलमध्ये ऍडमिट केले जाते. आजारपणामुळे तिला मोकळा वेळ मिळतो, त्या वेळात ती तिच्या आजपर्यंतच्या , डिप्रेशन आणि सततच्या चिंतेचं (anxiety) मूळ शोधायचा प्रयत्न करते.
या शोधात तिला तिच्या आयुष्यातील बालपणीचे वेदनादायी प्रसंग जे तिने तिच्या मनाच्या एका कप���प्यात बंद करून ठेवलेले होते ते तिला सापडतात,तिने त्याविषयी कोणालाच सांगितले नसते. ती स्वतः त्याविषयी विसरून गेलेली असते. हे सगळे प्रसंग तिला आठवायला लागतात. यामुळे ती डिप्रेशन आणि anxiety च्या नकळत आहारी जाते, जेव्हा ती दिवसभर वेगवेगळे सिनेमे, सीरिअल्स पाहते, पुस्तके वाचते त्यातून ती त्या पात्रांसोबत आपले आयुष्य रिलेट करायला लागते. त्यातून ती स्वतःच्या डिप्रेशनच निदान करते. सिनेमे, पुस्तके हे तिला या प्रसंगात साथ देतात. यातून तिच्या मनात खूप काही साचलेलं बाहेर येण्याचा प्रयत्न करत राहतं आणि ती लेखनाच्या रूपात या सगळ्याला वाट देते.
लेखिकेने वाचलेल्या अनेक चांगल्या लेखकांची त्यांच्या पुस्तकांची माहिती दिलेली आहे. माझ्या सारख्या पुस्तकवेड्यासाठी हि माहिती खजिन्यापेक्षा कमी नव्हती. मला अनेक नव्या नव्या मला माहित नसलेल्या लेखकांची यानिमित्ताने ओळख झाली. लेखिकेने दिलेल्या पुस्तकांची यादी मी माझ्या wish list मध्ये add केली आहे.
मनोवैद्यानिकाच्या मदतिने ती स्वतःचा शोध घेत राहते,हा शोधच तिला हे पुस्तक लिहायला प्रवृत्त करतं.
लहानपणी झालेले लैंगिक अत्याचार, त्याविषयी तिच्या जवळच्यांना माहित असूनही त्यांनी काहीही ना केल्यामुळे मनात निर्माण झालेली चीड, स्वतःला दुःखवून तात्पुरता आनंद मिळवण्याचा प्रयत्न, मनोवैज्ञानिकाचे सेशन्स, बॉयफ्रेंडसोबतच नातं हे सगळे प्रसंग लेखिकेने खूप संवेदनशीलतेने आणि नेमक्या प्रकारे मांडलं आहे.
लेखिकेची लिहिण्याची शैली इतकी साधी आहे कि वाचताना आपल्याला आपली मैत्रीण तिच्या आयुष्याबद्द्दल सांगत आहे असं वाटतं. मी तिच्या गोष्टीची जास्त रिलेट करू शकलो जरी मला डिप्रेशन किंवा anxiety जरी नसली तरी मी काही वर्षांपूर्वी हॉस्पिटल मध्ये आय.सी.यु मध्ये ऍडमिट होतो त्यामुळे आजारी असताना ऍडमिट असताना जे विचार येतात ते मी सुद्धा अनुभवलंय. हे पुस्तक वाचताना मला त्या दिवसांची आठवण आली.
हे पुस्तकाने मला नक्कीच विचार करायला भाग पाडले. माझं लहानपण फार सुरक्षित वातावरणात गेलाय त्यामुळे या पुस्तक वाचून मी काही वेळ नक्कीच सुन्न झालो. मी माझ्या आजूबाजूच्या मित्रांचा, लोकांचा विचार करू लागलो. यातील कोणाला डिप्रेशन, anxiety , पॅनिक अटॅक किंवा इतर काही समस्यांनी ग्रस्त तर नाही ना हा विचार मला सतत जाणवतोय.
या पुस्तकाने मला नक्कीच जवळच्या व्यक्तींच्या आयुष्यात डोकावणं किती गरजेचं आहे जेणेकरून जर एखाद्याला काही प्रॉब्लेम असेल तर नक्कीच फायदा होऊ शकतो. सध्याच्या कोरोनाच्या काळात तर मानसिक प्रश्नाने लोक त्रस्त असल्याचे जाणवतेय त्यामुळे लोकांना आधार देणे फार गरजेचं आहे हे पुस्तक अधोरेखित करते. त्याच सोबत एक मित्र आणि एक मनोवैद्यानिक यातील फरक आणि चांगल्या मनोवैज्ञानिकाची गरजही लेखिका मांडते.
हे पुस्तक प्रेरणादायी नक्कीच आहे पण त्यासोबतही आपल्या जवळच्या व्यक्तींचा विचार आणि काळजी घेण्यासाठीदेखील प्रवृत्त करणारे आहे.
मंजिरी हि मूळची उत्तरप्रदेशातील जबलपूरची, दिल्लीत शिक्षणानिमित्त आणि नंतर नोकरीसाठी ती तिच्या बॉयफ्रेंड सोबत राहत असते. एका रात्री तिला पोटाचा त्रास होतो आणि तिला हॉस्पिटलमध्ये ऍडमिट केले जाते. आजारपणामुळे तिला मोकळा वेळ मिळतो, त्या वेळात ती तिच्या आजपर्यंतच्या , डिप्रेशन आणि सततच्या चिंतेचं (anxiety) मूळ शोधायचा प्रयत्न करते.
या शोधात तिला तिच्या आयुष्यातील बालपणीचे वेदनादायी प्रसंग जे तिने तिच्या मनाच्या एका कप���प्यात बंद करून ठेवलेले होते ते तिला सापडतात,तिने त्याविषयी कोणालाच सांगितले नसते. ती स्वतः त्याविषयी विसरून गेलेली असते. हे सगळे प्रसंग तिला आठवायला लागतात. यामुळे ती डिप्रेशन आणि anxiety च्या नकळत आहारी जाते, जेव्हा ती दिवसभर वेगवेगळे सिनेमे, सीरिअल्स पाहते, पुस्तके वाचते त्यातून ती त्या पात्रांसोबत आपले आयुष्य रिलेट करायला लागते. त्यातून ती स्वतःच्या डिप्रेशनच निदान करते. सिनेमे, पुस्तके हे तिला या प्रसंगात साथ देतात. यातून तिच्या मनात खूप काही साचलेलं बाहेर येण्याचा प्रयत्न करत राहतं आणि ती लेखनाच्या रूपात या सगळ्याला वाट देते.
लेखिकेने वाचलेल्या अनेक चांगल्या लेखकांची त्यांच्या पुस्तकांची माहिती दिलेली आहे. माझ्या सारख्या पुस्तकवेड्यासाठी हि माहिती खजिन्यापेक्षा कमी नव्हती. मला अनेक नव्या नव्या मला माहित नसलेल्या लेखकांची यानिमित्ताने ओळख झाली. लेखिकेने दिलेल्या पुस्तकांची यादी मी माझ्या wish list मध्ये add केली आहे.
मनोवैद्यानिकाच्या मदतिने ती स्वतःचा शोध घेत राहते,हा शोधच तिला हे पुस्तक लिहायला प्रवृत्त करतं.
लहानपणी झालेले लैंगिक अत्याचार, त्याविषयी तिच्या जवळच्यांना माहित असूनही त्यांनी काहीही ना केल्यामुळे मनात निर्माण झालेली चीड, स्वतःला दुःखवून तात्पुरता आनंद मिळवण्याचा प्रयत्न, मनोवैज्ञानिकाचे सेशन्स, बॉयफ्रेंडसोबतच नातं हे सगळे प्रसंग लेखिकेने खूप संवेदनशीलतेने आणि नेमक्या प्रकारे मांडलं आहे.
लेखिकेची लिहिण्याची शैली इतकी साधी आहे कि वाचताना आपल्याला आपली मैत्रीण तिच्या आयुष्याबद्द्दल सांगत आहे असं वाटतं. मी तिच्या गोष्टीची जास्त रिलेट करू शकलो जरी मला डिप्रेशन किंवा anxiety जरी नसली तरी मी काही वर्षांपूर्वी हॉस्पिटल मध्ये आय.सी.यु मध्ये ऍडमिट होतो त्यामुळे आजारी असताना ऍडमिट असताना जे विचार येतात ते मी सुद्धा अनुभवलंय. हे पुस्तक वाचताना मला त्या दिवसांची आठवण आली.
हे पुस्तकाने मला नक्कीच विचार करायला भाग पाडले. माझं लहानपण फार सुरक्षित वातावरणात गेलाय त्यामुळे या पुस्तक वाचून मी काही वेळ नक्कीच सुन्न झालो. मी माझ्या आजूबाजूच्या मित्रांचा, लोकांचा विचार करू लागलो. यातील कोणाला डिप्रेशन, anxiety , पॅनिक अटॅक किंवा इतर काही समस्यांनी ग्रस्त तर नाही ना हा विचार मला सतत जाणवतोय.
या पुस्तकाने मला नक्कीच जवळच्या व्यक्तींच्या आयुष्यात डोकावणं किती गरजेचं आहे जेणेकरून जर एखाद्याला काही प्रॉब्लेम असेल तर नक्कीच फायदा होऊ शकतो. सध्याच्या कोरोनाच्या काळात तर मानसिक प्रश्नाने लोक त्रस्त असल्याचे जाणवतेय त्यामुळे लोकांना आधार देणे फार गरजेचं आहे हे पुस्तक अधोरेखित करते. त्याच सोबत एक मित्र आणि एक मनोवैद्यानिक यातील फरक आणि चांगल्या मनोवैज्ञानिकाची गरजही लेखिका मांडते.
हे पुस्तक प्रेरणादायी नक्कीच आहे पण त्यासोबतही आपल्या जवळच्या व्यक्तींचा विचार आणि काळजी घेण्यासाठीदेखील प्रवृत्त करणारे आहे.
September 15, 2022
"If you do not tell the truth about yourself, you cannot tell it about other people."
--------- Virginia Woolf
I picked up this book after it popped up on my Instagram feed. I read about it on Goodreads and immediately ordered it. It kept on sitting on my shelf for a while. It is after a month, and in between reading, I pulled out this one. As I began reading, I felt a tad disappointed, thinking it was another boy meets girl and heartbreak story, but then began the real stomach-wrenching, soul-stirring memoir dealing with emotional trauma affecting physical health.
It is a story we have experienced or seen the people around us go through but never talked about, instead swept under the carpet, hushed, and never spoke.
"Photographs, after all, are taken of moments one wants to recall. They aren't the document of history. They don't record your battles. They just catalog your winning moments."
Its All in your Head M. Manjiri Indurkar
It is exceptionally courageous of Manjiri to speak about the sexual abuse she suffered as a child. Her own Aaji ( grandmother ) chose to ignore it even after witnessing it. It affected most of her adult life, her relationships, and her equation with her own body. She doesn't come from a broken family; instead, she had a wonderful childhood where her parents gave her freedom of choice and understood her. Never forcing their will. Yet she struggles with deep depression and unsteady emotions. This is because we are Individuals. A significant part of our lives is shaped due to what we go through, not our parents or siblings. We carry our own burdens.
I feel every reader can identify with Majiri's story. I, for instance, could relate to her hypochondriac tendencies and her insecurity about her loved ones, whether they will make it back home if something untoward might happen to them. These things exist for real, but only no-one discusses them for fear of being judged or too scared to come out of the closet. Even if some of us muster the courage to speak about this to our close ones, it is countered with "Think positive. Negativity never helped anyone.", " You are overthinking " or "It's in your head."
Manjiri's is a difficult one. It is not for everyone. Manjiri's memoir is an unedited and unadulterated account that stirs you and shakes you, and takes you to an uncomfortable place in your mind where you have buried all your thoughts.
Manjiri's writing is lucid, brave, intrepid, and unapologetic, yet a marvelous writing piece. This book will touch different cords with different audiences. It will validate the emotions of the people going through similar situations. It will give hope to many, especially the youth, and lastly, it will give courage to the people who stand on the threshold of dilemma to come out and seek help.
It's a book of hope, for we learn from the brave stories of life told and retold.
--------- Virginia Woolf
I picked up this book after it popped up on my Instagram feed. I read about it on Goodreads and immediately ordered it. It kept on sitting on my shelf for a while. It is after a month, and in between reading, I pulled out this one. As I began reading, I felt a tad disappointed, thinking it was another boy meets girl and heartbreak story, but then began the real stomach-wrenching, soul-stirring memoir dealing with emotional trauma affecting physical health.
It is a story we have experienced or seen the people around us go through but never talked about, instead swept under the carpet, hushed, and never spoke.
"Photographs, after all, are taken of moments one wants to recall. They aren't the document of history. They don't record your battles. They just catalog your winning moments."
Its All in your Head M. Manjiri Indurkar
It is exceptionally courageous of Manjiri to speak about the sexual abuse she suffered as a child. Her own Aaji ( grandmother ) chose to ignore it even after witnessing it. It affected most of her adult life, her relationships, and her equation with her own body. She doesn't come from a broken family; instead, she had a wonderful childhood where her parents gave her freedom of choice and understood her. Never forcing their will. Yet she struggles with deep depression and unsteady emotions. This is because we are Individuals. A significant part of our lives is shaped due to what we go through, not our parents or siblings. We carry our own burdens.
I feel every reader can identify with Majiri's story. I, for instance, could relate to her hypochondriac tendencies and her insecurity about her loved ones, whether they will make it back home if something untoward might happen to them. These things exist for real, but only no-one discusses them for fear of being judged or too scared to come out of the closet. Even if some of us muster the courage to speak about this to our close ones, it is countered with "Think positive. Negativity never helped anyone.", " You are overthinking " or "It's in your head."
Manjiri's is a difficult one. It is not for everyone. Manjiri's memoir is an unedited and unadulterated account that stirs you and shakes you, and takes you to an uncomfortable place in your mind where you have buried all your thoughts.
Manjiri's writing is lucid, brave, intrepid, and unapologetic, yet a marvelous writing piece. This book will touch different cords with different audiences. It will validate the emotions of the people going through similar situations. It will give hope to many, especially the youth, and lastly, it will give courage to the people who stand on the threshold of dilemma to come out and seek help.
It's a book of hope, for we learn from the brave stories of life told and retold.
October 29, 2020
𝗕𝗢𝗢𝗞 𝗥𝗘𝗩𝗜𝗘𝗪 - '𝗜𝗧'𝗦 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗜𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗥 𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗗, 𝗠' 𝗯𝘆 𝗠𝗮𝗻𝗷𝗶𝗿𝗶 𝗜𝗻𝗱𝘂𝗿𝗸𝗮𝗿 @manjiriindurkar
"𝗜𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗹𝗼𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗮𝗹𝘀 𝘁𝗿𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱, 𝗽𝘂𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴, 𝗳𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁, 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗺𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗶𝗿𝘀."
ReadnMarked has always talked openly about mental health and how important it is to talk your mind. And so we had to give’ It's All In Your Head, M’ by Manjri Indurkar a read.
.
Manjri Indurkar realised in her twenties that all wasn’t well with her. Growing up in Jabalpur with a loving and supportive family, her childhood seemed perfect to her but her body was telling her otherwise. What secret is her body concealing? The book is beautifully written by Manjri and is a must-read.
.
This book to me was a story of the author's struggles and would relate to all those who have suffered abuse in one way or another. It further gives a tale of resilience and the author's inner strength.
.
My verdict? I would recommend this book to everyone. This book shows you the importance of self-care and how acceptance plays an important role in your inner peace and happiness.
.
𝗠𝘆 𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 - 𝟰.𝟱/𝟱
"𝗜𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗹𝗼𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗮𝗹𝘀 𝘁𝗿𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱, 𝗽𝘂𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴, 𝗳𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁, 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗺𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗶𝗿𝘀."
ReadnMarked has always talked openly about mental health and how important it is to talk your mind. And so we had to give’ It's All In Your Head, M’ by Manjri Indurkar a read.
.
Manjri Indurkar realised in her twenties that all wasn’t well with her. Growing up in Jabalpur with a loving and supportive family, her childhood seemed perfect to her but her body was telling her otherwise. What secret is her body concealing? The book is beautifully written by Manjri and is a must-read.
.
This book to me was a story of the author's struggles and would relate to all those who have suffered abuse in one way or another. It further gives a tale of resilience and the author's inner strength.
.
My verdict? I would recommend this book to everyone. This book shows you the importance of self-care and how acceptance plays an important role in your inner peace and happiness.
.
𝗠𝘆 𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 - 𝟰.𝟱/𝟱
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