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An English Madam: The Life and Work Of Cynthia Payne
On Wednesday December 6th, 1978, the term 'luncheon voucher' took on a new currency. Members of the clergy, Parliament, the Bar and big business were gathered together in Streatham for a Christmas party when the police burst in and arrested the hostess. Films, devices and hastily dressing people were taken to the station. Over a year later Cynthia Payne was sentenced to eighteen months in Holloway Prison for 'keeping a disorderly house'.
Her distinguished guests went unnamed. Members of the press fell over themselves leaping to her defence. To an amused and largely sympathetic public, Cynthia Payne came to stand for naughtiness as opposed to wickedness - a beacon for 'genial old buffers' in the gloom of declining years. Throughout Paul Bailey's touching, frequently uproarious telling of Cynthia's own story one can see that the sympathy was not misplaced.
Cynthia's anarchic dazzle was there right from the beginning, though she had had to overcome the early loss of an adoring mother, the rebuffs of a distant father and comparisons with a determinedly prim sister. Her cousin could not remember a time when Cynthia wasn't talking about sex. It was a fun-loving childhood, to put it mildly.
A sequence of largely unscrupulous lovers, who left her frequently pregnant and financially struggling, plus two children and three abortions, led her to the conclusion that 'there wasn't a single man in the whole wide bloody world I could rely on to look after me.' First as a landlady, briefly as a prostitute's maid (having to make lots of tea to accommodate the 'Golden Rain' trade), rather unenthusiastically on the game herself for two years, Cynthia finally had her epiphany: 'I found myself when I started organizing sex for other people.'
Her business worked well because Cynthia was above all understanding and she could keep a straight face. Some of her clients' requirements were eye-opening. There was the ex-police superintendent who drove fervently to Somerset so he could take off his clothes and clean Agatha's cooker, the collector of taxes anxious to pretend he was a lesbian, the clergyman who clearly wanted an angel with wings. Through Cynthia's portals passed transvestites and slaves galore, a night watchman who had never tried sex until he was sixty-two, and her own father.
In part, Cynthia's establishment was dedicated to giving the elderly their confidence back, and she gave a £3 discount to old age pensioners, and charged half-price to those who were pretty well past it. She chose her girls for their character and honesty. Her clients were satisfied and impressed. Cynthia's story is fascinating and funny and it will be a rare reader who is not taken by surprise at some point in this book. If it all seems as normal as poached egg on toast, admit, you've been to Cynthia's.
Her distinguished guests went unnamed. Members of the press fell over themselves leaping to her defence. To an amused and largely sympathetic public, Cynthia Payne came to stand for naughtiness as opposed to wickedness - a beacon for 'genial old buffers' in the gloom of declining years. Throughout Paul Bailey's touching, frequently uproarious telling of Cynthia's own story one can see that the sympathy was not misplaced.
Cynthia's anarchic dazzle was there right from the beginning, though she had had to overcome the early loss of an adoring mother, the rebuffs of a distant father and comparisons with a determinedly prim sister. Her cousin could not remember a time when Cynthia wasn't talking about sex. It was a fun-loving childhood, to put it mildly.
A sequence of largely unscrupulous lovers, who left her frequently pregnant and financially struggling, plus two children and three abortions, led her to the conclusion that 'there wasn't a single man in the whole wide bloody world I could rely on to look after me.' First as a landlady, briefly as a prostitute's maid (having to make lots of tea to accommodate the 'Golden Rain' trade), rather unenthusiastically on the game herself for two years, Cynthia finally had her epiphany: 'I found myself when I started organizing sex for other people.'
Her business worked well because Cynthia was above all understanding and she could keep a straight face. Some of her clients' requirements were eye-opening. There was the ex-police superintendent who drove fervently to Somerset so he could take off his clothes and clean Agatha's cooker, the collector of taxes anxious to pretend he was a lesbian, the clergyman who clearly wanted an angel with wings. Through Cynthia's portals passed transvestites and slaves galore, a night watchman who had never tried sex until he was sixty-two, and her own father.
In part, Cynthia's establishment was dedicated to giving the elderly their confidence back, and she gave a £3 discount to old age pensioners, and charged half-price to those who were pretty well past it. She chose her girls for their character and honesty. Her clients were satisfied and impressed. Cynthia's story is fascinating and funny and it will be a rare reader who is not taken by surprise at some point in this book. If it all seems as normal as poached egg on toast, admit, you've been to Cynthia's.
166 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1982
2 people are currently reading
81 people want to read
About the author
Paul Bailey
172 books28 followersPeter Harry "Paul" Bailey was a British novelist and critic, as well as a biographer of Cynthia Payne and Quentin Crisp.
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
March 2, 2014
Having met Cynthia Payne on one occasion (and not in her professional capacity I should vehemently add) I thought butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. How wrong could I be, butter wouldn't even get to her mouth, let alone melt, although plenty of other things obviously did from what we read in Paul Bailey's revealing biography.
She lost her mum early, 'the wrong parent died,' she was to say, and her father was too wrapped up in his business to devote too much time to her and her sister. Speaking of the sisters, they were as different as chalk and cheese.
Cynthia learn early to be sexy and was regularly teasing the boys and as she grew older she indulged in plenty of sex, which cost her abortions and ultimately presented her with two children. But she never married because she because she felt 'there wasn't a single man in the whole wide bloody world I could rely on to look after me.'
She became a landlady, briefly a prostitute's maid and a prostitute herself, for just two years, before she found her calling when she 'started organising sex for other people'. She introduced a luncheon voucher system (I got luncheon vouchers myself when I began work in HM Treasury but they were the legitimate kind, used to exchange for food!) and people from all walks of life flocked to her parties; clergymen, police officers, government officials and others from professional careers.
They all had some fetish or other and Cynthia catered for everything and was not surprised at anything. Some of the stories are incredible and some of the actions unbelievably bizarre - or normal depending on your persuasion!
Overall the book is a fun read, except for one so-called 'Interlude' in the middle where one has to guess what the letters reproduced there represent; the task is not too difficult but it would have been nice to know, to have been told so as to put them correctly into context.
There is one particularly amusing tale when a client, a Squadron Leader who became a close friend of Cynthia, died. Bailey writes, 'The Squadron Leader's funeral was appropriately uncommon. Guy de Maupassant would have relished it.' This conjures up all sorts of pictures but the tale continues almost along the lines of an everyday funeral until the mourners got back to Cynthia's place - then the fun started with Cynthia's announcement that is unprintable in this review! Put it like this, I have never been to a funeral like it and don't ever expect to!
The one abiding thought that comes out is that, through it all, prison as well, Cynthia was a fighter, she never let anything get her down and had plenty of fortitude. As the blurb states, 'If it all seems as normal as poached eggs on toast [Cynthia's speciality produced for clients after strenuous sex sessions], admit you've been to Cynthia's.' On the other hand, no you had better not do so!
She lost her mum early, 'the wrong parent died,' she was to say, and her father was too wrapped up in his business to devote too much time to her and her sister. Speaking of the sisters, they were as different as chalk and cheese.
Cynthia learn early to be sexy and was regularly teasing the boys and as she grew older she indulged in plenty of sex, which cost her abortions and ultimately presented her with two children. But she never married because she because she felt 'there wasn't a single man in the whole wide bloody world I could rely on to look after me.'
She became a landlady, briefly a prostitute's maid and a prostitute herself, for just two years, before she found her calling when she 'started organising sex for other people'. She introduced a luncheon voucher system (I got luncheon vouchers myself when I began work in HM Treasury but they were the legitimate kind, used to exchange for food!) and people from all walks of life flocked to her parties; clergymen, police officers, government officials and others from professional careers.
They all had some fetish or other and Cynthia catered for everything and was not surprised at anything. Some of the stories are incredible and some of the actions unbelievably bizarre - or normal depending on your persuasion!
Overall the book is a fun read, except for one so-called 'Interlude' in the middle where one has to guess what the letters reproduced there represent; the task is not too difficult but it would have been nice to know, to have been told so as to put them correctly into context.
There is one particularly amusing tale when a client, a Squadron Leader who became a close friend of Cynthia, died. Bailey writes, 'The Squadron Leader's funeral was appropriately uncommon. Guy de Maupassant would have relished it.' This conjures up all sorts of pictures but the tale continues almost along the lines of an everyday funeral until the mourners got back to Cynthia's place - then the fun started with Cynthia's announcement that is unprintable in this review! Put it like this, I have never been to a funeral like it and don't ever expect to!
The one abiding thought that comes out is that, through it all, prison as well, Cynthia was a fighter, she never let anything get her down and had plenty of fortitude. As the blurb states, 'If it all seems as normal as poached eggs on toast [Cynthia's speciality produced for clients after strenuous sex sessions], admit you've been to Cynthia's.' On the other hand, no you had better not do so!
August 29, 2015
I hadn’t truly considered what it was like for a woman who enjoys sex to live before the invention of the contraceptive pill until I read this book. Young Cynthia had a miserable life but went on to have a lot of fun and provide a lot of fun. I am impressed by how she got her gardening and housework done. I was too young to read about the prosecution of Cynthia Payne in the eighties but this book covers it in as much detail as I wanted (there is a book by Gloria Walker about the trial if this is where your interests lie). Cynthia’s forward thinking attitudes to sex are admirable and refreshing and explored extensively in this book. Cynthia is such a character, broad-minded and kind and she’s really lived according to what feels right to her, not what feels right to society.
March 2, 2019
A quick and easy read. The latter chapters brought a smile to my face. I was prompted to purchase a secondhand copy of this book after watching the film, Wish You Were Here based on Cynthia Payne's early life. There are echoes of Call The Midwife, as we learn details of how difficult life was for young women with a voracious sexual appetite, but with no access to reliable contraception like The Pill. Illegal abortions were commonplace and endangered women's lives as well as exposing them to the risk of prosecution.
February 24, 2011
Against all expectations I very much enjoyed this book. I really warmed to Cynthia - she is honest, funny, and above all generous of spirit. She enjoys sex and wants everyone else to have the opportunity to enjoy it too, what's wrong with that? The lunch voucher sessions sounded great fun - and it was all consensual. It seems ridiculous that she actually spent time in prison for her activities.
December 3, 2023
I bought this book after watching both films that are loosely based on Cynthia’s life.
I throughly enjoyed both films but not so much the book.
I feel like I still don’t know the real her, an she seems like such a fascinating person.
It’s very every opening !
I throughly enjoyed both films but not so much the book.
I feel like I still don’t know the real her, an she seems like such a fascinating person.
It’s very every opening !
March 23, 2025
Very witty and thoroughly enjoyable. It comes with a lot of candour and honesty. Exposes a very broken system and Edwardian approach to sexual relations, while treating the subject with a large dose of humour.
November 4, 2012
A very fun read. Thanks, Nickie!
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews