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Train To Hell
This is a travel book, a murder mystery with a difference, a political treatise and a totally new way of slicing bacon, in one volume.
160 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1984
31 people want to read
About the author
Alexei Sayle
35 books71 followersAlexei Sayle is an English stand-up comedian, actor, author and former recording artist, and was a central figure in the British alternative comedy movement in the 1980s.
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
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May 8, 2020My family were big Alexei Sayle fans, so somewhere around the age of 11 I was given his spoof picture book (illustrated by Oscar Zarate!) Geoffrey The Tube Train And The Fat Comedian, and I've loved it ever since. Something I knew even at that age was not to trust the veracity of footnotes in comedy books – so I was well aware Fat Larry's Band weren't really a splinter of a splinter of the Communist Party of Great Britain. But I was a little surprised to later learn that Fat Larry's Band were a real act who really did have a hit in 1982 with Zoom*. Equally, I assumed the reference to Train To Hell (An Alexei Sayle Mystery) in another footnote must also be part of the book's elaborate apparatus of verisimilitude**, so you can imagine my surprise at finding a copy of it, decades later – like coming across a copy of the real Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy in a charity shop, or the actual King In Yellow in the library's withdrawn stock sale.
And the experience of reading this unexpected artefact? Less vertiginous than one might hope. It's much what you'd expect from a comedian's first novel, published nearly four decades ago – bits of it work a lot better if you imagine Sayle saying them, or rather rampaging through them, because 'saying' is a weak word for his onstage delivery. Others feel very dated – it's a surprise to find an avowed Marxist, pretty much inseparable from the story of alternative comedy, doing hyperbolic riffs on the evils of union closed shops at the BBC, never mind the stuff about Albania and funny foreign names (though he does at least think to include a flip of the latter – you'd be amazed what 'Norman Tebbit' sounds like overseas). To be fair, the central engine of the plot, in so far as the plot matters, is the eponymous train full of English football fans which European authorities are very sensibly treating much the same way as they would a train full of toxic waste, so it's not like anyone's going to mistake it for jingoism. And I was impressed by the breadth of reference, playground absurdism and knob jokes alternating with ones which refer to Iris Murdoch, Lord Denning or AE van Vogt. At times, the mixture of abstruse gags, awkwardly laddish leftist politics and stuff like only ever writing the title in enormous capitals made me wonder if it was an influence on Steven Wells' Attack! Books, but since nobody except me seems to remember Attack! Books, I'm not convinced that makes much of a claim for its legacy. And then the one bit you might have hoped would have dated is the denouement, in which (SPOILER if anyone cares) it's revealed that the whole murder went down because one fan couldn't handle the idea of a gay footballer. But nope, that bit is still firmly unchanged. Good old progress, eh?
*A song I'm surprised hasn't had more of a revival since the Event, given the inexplicable popularity of the especially badly designed app of the same name within the already hideous field of telesocialising.
**No, even I wouldn't have called it that at the time, but the idea was there, even without the words, so in your face, linguists who say it doesn't work that way around. See also, while we're at it, the category of fictional books which share a name with the real books which mention them, such as the Hitchhiker's Guide or The King In Yellow.
And the experience of reading this unexpected artefact? Less vertiginous than one might hope. It's much what you'd expect from a comedian's first novel, published nearly four decades ago – bits of it work a lot better if you imagine Sayle saying them, or rather rampaging through them, because 'saying' is a weak word for his onstage delivery. Others feel very dated – it's a surprise to find an avowed Marxist, pretty much inseparable from the story of alternative comedy, doing hyperbolic riffs on the evils of union closed shops at the BBC, never mind the stuff about Albania and funny foreign names (though he does at least think to include a flip of the latter – you'd be amazed what 'Norman Tebbit' sounds like overseas). To be fair, the central engine of the plot, in so far as the plot matters, is the eponymous train full of English football fans which European authorities are very sensibly treating much the same way as they would a train full of toxic waste, so it's not like anyone's going to mistake it for jingoism. And I was impressed by the breadth of reference, playground absurdism and knob jokes alternating with ones which refer to Iris Murdoch, Lord Denning or AE van Vogt. At times, the mixture of abstruse gags, awkwardly laddish leftist politics and stuff like only ever writing the title in enormous capitals made me wonder if it was an influence on Steven Wells' Attack! Books, but since nobody except me seems to remember Attack! Books, I'm not convinced that makes much of a claim for its legacy. And then the one bit you might have hoped would have dated is the denouement, in which (SPOILER if anyone cares) it's revealed that the whole murder went down because one fan couldn't handle the idea of a gay footballer. But nope, that bit is still firmly unchanged. Good old progress, eh?
*A song I'm surprised hasn't had more of a revival since the Event, given the inexplicable popularity of the especially badly designed app of the same name within the already hideous field of telesocialising.
**No, even I wouldn't have called it that at the time, but the idea was there, even without the words, so in your face, linguists who say it doesn't work that way around. See also, while we're at it, the category of fictional books which share a name with the real books which mention them, such as the Hitchhiker's Guide or The King In Yellow.
November 17, 2014
"Train To Hell" is an early novel from comedian Alexei Sayle. I haven't read his fiction before, and to say this is a little rough would be an understatement. It's certainly a product of its time. In some respects, the absurd storyline and accompanying illustrations reminded me of the genius Spike Milligan's work, and whilst this is far from genius there are certainly some laugh-a-loud moments to be had. Best read with Alexei's LOUD VOICE in mind, it's an entertaining read for a couple of hours and worth seeking out with that in mind.
December 20, 2020
from an interesting person with an active mind; light reading for the slow travel times
May 23, 2008
‘Train to Hell’ claims to be a hilarious travel book, a gripping murder mystery, a political treatise and a totally new way of slicing bacon, and although it doesn’t live up to all the above claims it is a fantastic read. In reality an extended surreal stand up routine from Alexi the King of surreal stand up routines.
Alexi has been commissioned to write a book about a train journey to the European cup final but when one of the eastern block players is killed by one of the group of eccentric football fans aboard Alexi’s carriage things get more interesting.
The best parts are the philosophical wrangling of Sterling and Carl Moss, the Moss Brothers, England’s least wanted men. Alexi was to later bring this pair back to life to great success in the Comic Strip film ‘Didn’t you Kill my Brother?’.
Alexi has been commissioned to write a book about a train journey to the European cup final but when one of the eastern block players is killed by one of the group of eccentric football fans aboard Alexi’s carriage things get more interesting.
The best parts are the philosophical wrangling of Sterling and Carl Moss, the Moss Brothers, England’s least wanted men. Alexi was to later bring this pair back to life to great success in the Comic Strip film ‘Didn’t you Kill my Brother?’.
January 27, 2008
A surreal sort of "Murder on the Orient Express" with football hooligans!
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July 31, 2011ha ha, read this loads of years ago and its still funny even if the glue has gone on the cover.
September 11, 2013
Worth reading if only for the song of the Albanian world cup squad. ("Oh, the hotel rooms of Slobecq, with their modern plumbing" or something like...)
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews