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How We Met: A Memoir of Love and Other Misadventures
"This beautiful, romantic memoir grabs you from the first page and won't let you go. Told with heart, wit and quiet restraint, How We Met is the story of how we can transcend the expectations of others and arrange our own happiness in life and in love." - Viv Groskop
You can't choose who you fall in love with, they say.
If only it were that simple.
Growing up in Walsall in the 1990s, Huma straddled two worlds - school and teenage crushes in one, and the expectations and unwritten rules of her family's south Asian social circle in the other. Reconciling the two was sometimes a tightrope act, but she managed it. Until it came to marriage.
Caught between her family's concern to see her safely settled down with someone suitable, her own appetite for adventure and a hopeless devotion to romance honed from Georgette Heyer, she seeks temporary refuge in Paris and imagines a future full of possibility. And then her father has a stroke and everything changes.
As Huma learns to focus on herself she begins to realise that searching for a suitor has been masking everything that was wrong in her life: grief for her father, the weight of expectation, and her uncertainty about who she really is. Marriage - arranged or otherwise - can't be the all-consuming purpose of her life. And then she meets someone. Neither Pakistani nor Muslim nor brown, and therefore technically not suitable at all. When your worlds collide, how do you measure one love against another?
As much as it is about love, How We Met is also about falling out with and misunderstanding each other, and how sometimes even our closest relationships can feel so far away. Warm, wise and ultimately uplifting, this is a coming-of-age story about what it really means to find 'happy ever after'.
You can't choose who you fall in love with, they say.
If only it were that simple.
Growing up in Walsall in the 1990s, Huma straddled two worlds - school and teenage crushes in one, and the expectations and unwritten rules of her family's south Asian social circle in the other. Reconciling the two was sometimes a tightrope act, but she managed it. Until it came to marriage.
Caught between her family's concern to see her safely settled down with someone suitable, her own appetite for adventure and a hopeless devotion to romance honed from Georgette Heyer, she seeks temporary refuge in Paris and imagines a future full of possibility. And then her father has a stroke and everything changes.
As Huma learns to focus on herself she begins to realise that searching for a suitor has been masking everything that was wrong in her life: grief for her father, the weight of expectation, and her uncertainty about who she really is. Marriage - arranged or otherwise - can't be the all-consuming purpose of her life. And then she meets someone. Neither Pakistani nor Muslim nor brown, and therefore technically not suitable at all. When your worlds collide, how do you measure one love against another?
As much as it is about love, How We Met is also about falling out with and misunderstanding each other, and how sometimes even our closest relationships can feel so far away. Warm, wise and ultimately uplifting, this is a coming-of-age story about what it really means to find 'happy ever after'.
224 pages, Hardcover
First published January 28, 2021
40 people are currently reading
3832 people want to read
About the author
Huma Qureshi
15 books101 followersI started my career on The Observer and The Guardian and worked as a reporter and features writer across consumer news, news and the life and style sections before going freelance to write my first book, In Spite of Oceans, published in 2014 by The History Press. In Spite of Oceans received the John C. Laurence Award from The Authors’ Foundation.
In 2021, I saw two books published: How We Met: A Memoir of Love and Other Misadventures (January, 2021), with Elliott & Thompson, and my debut short story collection, Things We Do Not Tell The People We Love (November 2021), with Sceptre. Sceptre will also be publishing my debut novel, which I am currently writing. My essay, By Instinct, appears in The Best Most Awful Job: Twenty Writers Talk Honestly About Motherhood (2019).
I am represented by Laurie Robertson at Peters, Fraser + Dunlop.
In 2021, I saw two books published: How We Met: A Memoir of Love and Other Misadventures (January, 2021), with Elliott & Thompson, and my debut short story collection, Things We Do Not Tell The People We Love (November 2021), with Sceptre. Sceptre will also be publishing my debut novel, which I am currently writing. My essay, By Instinct, appears in The Best Most Awful Job: Twenty Writers Talk Honestly About Motherhood (2019).
I am represented by Laurie Robertson at Peters, Fraser + Dunlop.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 165 reviews
April 24, 2021
Huma had me laughing and crying on alternate pages almost throughout. The writing is tender, loving and thoughtful. It absolutely is quietly radical. Her honesty is endearing and courageous. Hers is not a story of triumphing over an oppressive culture and escaping it. It is a gently profound insight into her experience of grief, of ambition, of finding self-worth, of embracing her culture and religion on her own terms, and yes, of finding love too.
I picked up How We Met last night just to have a little flick through and read the first few paragraphs to get a feel of it. Before I knew it, I’d stayed up way past my bedtime and finished it!
It is the perfect pick me up in these dreary times even with some of its more heavier themes such as loss, or perhaps even more so because of how Huma so gently and safely deposits the reader to the other side of her grief and presents that though altered, life goes on and there is still joy and laughter and love to be found.
I had the pleasure of talking with Huma about her book and you can find the spoiler free conversation here: https://www.instagram.com/tv/CLPg9oBA...
I picked up How We Met last night just to have a little flick through and read the first few paragraphs to get a feel of it. Before I knew it, I’d stayed up way past my bedtime and finished it!
It is the perfect pick me up in these dreary times even with some of its more heavier themes such as loss, or perhaps even more so because of how Huma so gently and safely deposits the reader to the other side of her grief and presents that though altered, life goes on and there is still joy and laughter and love to be found.
I had the pleasure of talking with Huma about her book and you can find the spoiler free conversation here: https://www.instagram.com/tv/CLPg9oBA...
March 20, 2021
It's the 19th of March and though it's meant to be springtime, it has been raining the entire day. Curled up under my cosy blanket with a coffee, I caught a glance at a book I've received lately. It has been sitting on my bedside table as if it's waiting for me to pick it up. So I did. Two hours later, I reached the acknowledgements part with teary eyes. What an exquisite ride through Hema's life it's been.
This is not your fairytale one-in-a-million love story. This is, in fact, an ordinary tale of how love always wins at the end. "But this doesn't mean that stories like mine", Hema Says, "everyday stories of falling in love and growing up, arguing with your parents and then making up, sadness and joy and life in all its shades and nuances, the moments that give meaning to life don't deserve to be told."
Huma's book brought much-needed comfort on such a gloomy day, not because it was downright groundbreaking, but because it was genuine, authentic, and simple. It felt like catching up with a dear friend over a warm cup of tea one afternoon. Or when you're at a Cafè and you randomly start a heartfelt conversation with a stranger close by only ending up by sharing too much, seamlessly.
I kept thinking of other books when reading this; Zeba Talkhani's My Past is a Foreign Country and Elif Shafak's Black Milk in particular. I'm reminded once again why books like these are essential. They're what I like to call "A story in the form of a hug". A hug saying that in an overly sophisticated world, people with similar love stories exist and that it's okay if you're lost or you still haven't figured it out yet. A hug that glues the little fractures of your soul back together and restores your faith in life, especially during these challenging times.
So for this, thank you Huma Qureshi for sharing your beautiful story, and for accompanying me during this Friday afternoon.
This is not your fairytale one-in-a-million love story. This is, in fact, an ordinary tale of how love always wins at the end. "But this doesn't mean that stories like mine", Hema Says, "everyday stories of falling in love and growing up, arguing with your parents and then making up, sadness and joy and life in all its shades and nuances, the moments that give meaning to life don't deserve to be told."
Huma's book brought much-needed comfort on such a gloomy day, not because it was downright groundbreaking, but because it was genuine, authentic, and simple. It felt like catching up with a dear friend over a warm cup of tea one afternoon. Or when you're at a Cafè and you randomly start a heartfelt conversation with a stranger close by only ending up by sharing too much, seamlessly.
I kept thinking of other books when reading this; Zeba Talkhani's My Past is a Foreign Country and Elif Shafak's Black Milk in particular. I'm reminded once again why books like these are essential. They're what I like to call "A story in the form of a hug". A hug saying that in an overly sophisticated world, people with similar love stories exist and that it's okay if you're lost or you still haven't figured it out yet. A hug that glues the little fractures of your soul back together and restores your faith in life, especially during these challenging times.
So for this, thank you Huma Qureshi for sharing your beautiful story, and for accompanying me during this Friday afternoon.
April 13, 2021
I had encountered Qureshi through her essay in the Elliott & Thompson anthology about motherhood, The Best, Most Awful Job. (And in her publicity photo, one of the best I’ve come across, she’s sitting in an armchair wearing a saffron-coloured peasant blouse and holding a mug atop a copy of Chris Power’s Mothers.)
She writes about growing up in a South Asian Muslim community in the English Midlands and the universal expectation that she would marry someone from the same Pakistani background. Studying in Paris and embarking on a journalism career, she longed for a bigger, more adventurous life but, conscious of her obligations to her family – especially after her father’s unexpected death from a stroke – agreed to sign up to a Muslim dating service. After meeting a few duds, most notably a “brown Mr Bean” look-alike, she gave up the search, waited until she was ready, and found someone on her own.
But this time online dating led her to a white man, and even his promise to convert to Islam wasn’t enough to quell the scandal. It’s not a huge revelation that her mother and the rest of the family eventually come round – we know from the start that this story has a happy ending – but the thing that is surprising, after all the time we’ve spent with a passive, self-conscious narrator, is that she had shored up her confidence enough to hold her ground and made it clear that she would be marrying Richard no matter what anyone else said.
One of my college majors was Religion, so I was interested to learn what meaning Islam holds for those who live mostly secular lives. When Richard starts confirmation classes at a mosque, the imam tells them the first two rules are “There’s no compulsion in Islam!” and “Not up to anyone to judge!” Those sound like sensible principles for followers of any faith.
This seems like a memoir geared towards people who don’t generally read nonfiction, and towards those who don’t often see themselves and their community’s stories represented in what’s on the bookstore and library shelves. It’s a perfectly agreeable read, snappy and straightforward, but might have been better suited to a long magazine article. The very spaced-out type is a sign that the text barely filled a whole book (it’s just over 200 pages, but with more standard type and spacing might only have stretched to 120). The “These Days” sections, in which she’s been married nearly a decade and struggles to find moments to herself to write while raising their three sons, don’t add much. Still, I was sympathetic to the overall nostalgic tone of the book and the value of telling even relatively ordinary stories.
She writes about growing up in a South Asian Muslim community in the English Midlands and the universal expectation that she would marry someone from the same Pakistani background. Studying in Paris and embarking on a journalism career, she longed for a bigger, more adventurous life but, conscious of her obligations to her family – especially after her father’s unexpected death from a stroke – agreed to sign up to a Muslim dating service. After meeting a few duds, most notably a “brown Mr Bean” look-alike, she gave up the search, waited until she was ready, and found someone on her own.
But this time online dating led her to a white man, and even his promise to convert to Islam wasn’t enough to quell the scandal. It’s not a huge revelation that her mother and the rest of the family eventually come round – we know from the start that this story has a happy ending – but the thing that is surprising, after all the time we’ve spent with a passive, self-conscious narrator, is that she had shored up her confidence enough to hold her ground and made it clear that she would be marrying Richard no matter what anyone else said.
One of my college majors was Religion, so I was interested to learn what meaning Islam holds for those who live mostly secular lives. When Richard starts confirmation classes at a mosque, the imam tells them the first two rules are “There’s no compulsion in Islam!” and “Not up to anyone to judge!” Those sound like sensible principles for followers of any faith.
This seems like a memoir geared towards people who don’t generally read nonfiction, and towards those who don’t often see themselves and their community’s stories represented in what’s on the bookstore and library shelves. It’s a perfectly agreeable read, snappy and straightforward, but might have been better suited to a long magazine article. The very spaced-out type is a sign that the text barely filled a whole book (it’s just over 200 pages, but with more standard type and spacing might only have stretched to 120). The “These Days” sections, in which she’s been married nearly a decade and struggles to find moments to herself to write while raising their three sons, don’t add much. Still, I was sympathetic to the overall nostalgic tone of the book and the value of telling even relatively ordinary stories.
August 3, 2025
I was pretty disappointed by this. Not the story or perspective — because of course that is the writer's own — but the tone, which felt like it catered to the Western gaze and was overly focused on defending and explaining her family's religious and cultural norms. The writing also did a lot of telling instead of showing, and despite this being a memoir I felt like I ended the book without really getting to know any of the people in the writer's life — or even the writer herself.
January 24, 2021
HOW WE MET: A memoir of love and other misadventures by Huma Qureshi
How We Met is an absolutely beautiful memoir that brought more than one tear to my eye. Huma Qureshi talks about her experiences of love, of grief, of family, of her struggles to value herself and see her own self-worth. This book is relatable and emotional and drew me in to read it all in a single afternoon.
Qureshi's memoir details how she met her English husband Richard, who was not considered to be a suitable suitor. Not Pakistani or Muslim he technically was never a suitable match. She jumps back from their initial meeting to then discuss her upbringing in Walsall in the 1990s, her time spent in Paris and the difficulties following her father's stroke. This all serves as the backdrop as she explores her feelings, emotions and the concept of love throughout her life.
There are certainly moments of sadness in this book, but I found it so utterly comforting as at the heart of it the book is about love. Love of family, of friendships, of a partner, and also love of yourself. Huma Qureshi's struggle to find love is something I believe many of us can relate to, but ultimately the acceptance and love of ourselves is often overlooked in the process.
This book has had a lot of praise and it is honestly so beautiful. Qureshi has a collection of short stories coming out later in 2021 and I will almost certainly be looking to pick those up as her writing really drew me in. A favourite of the year for sure ✨
Thanks to publishers for the copy in exchange for a review.
"But that doesn't mean that stories like mine, everyday stories of falling in love and growing up, arguing with your parents and then making up, sadness and joy and life in all its shades and nuances, the moments that give meaning to life, don't deserve to be told.""
How We Met is an absolutely beautiful memoir that brought more than one tear to my eye. Huma Qureshi talks about her experiences of love, of grief, of family, of her struggles to value herself and see her own self-worth. This book is relatable and emotional and drew me in to read it all in a single afternoon.
Qureshi's memoir details how she met her English husband Richard, who was not considered to be a suitable suitor. Not Pakistani or Muslim he technically was never a suitable match. She jumps back from their initial meeting to then discuss her upbringing in Walsall in the 1990s, her time spent in Paris and the difficulties following her father's stroke. This all serves as the backdrop as she explores her feelings, emotions and the concept of love throughout her life.
There are certainly moments of sadness in this book, but I found it so utterly comforting as at the heart of it the book is about love. Love of family, of friendships, of a partner, and also love of yourself. Huma Qureshi's struggle to find love is something I believe many of us can relate to, but ultimately the acceptance and love of ourselves is often overlooked in the process.
This book has had a lot of praise and it is honestly so beautiful. Qureshi has a collection of short stories coming out later in 2021 and I will almost certainly be looking to pick those up as her writing really drew me in. A favourite of the year for sure ✨
Thanks to publishers for the copy in exchange for a review.
February 24, 2021
I finished this book in just a few hours because Huma’s writing is just so beautiful and engaging.
I expected this to be a full blown dramatic story but it’s a story for all the women who are walking their own path and not focusing so much on marrying the person that society expects.
Huma shares that she had to find herself first before she could allow her husband Richard into her life.
The Sad Girl years are very familiar but also give a lot of hope.
Overall, this is a delightful read, very much a balm for the soul in these trying times.
I expected this to be a full blown dramatic story but it’s a story for all the women who are walking their own path and not focusing so much on marrying the person that society expects.
Huma shares that she had to find herself first before she could allow her husband Richard into her life.
The Sad Girl years are very familiar but also give a lot of hope.
Overall, this is a delightful read, very much a balm for the soul in these trying times.
February 1, 2021
An absolutely beautiful memoir that highlights the struggles of being a Muslim woman with unconventional wants in a desi community and the pressures that they face to get marry a "suitable boy". There are two love stories here. The first where she falls in love with a white man and the tumultuous journey of convincing her family to accept their union and the second is where she falls in love with herself. Both are extraordinarily heart-warming.
Her story is beautiful and a must-read for people who feel guilty for wanting more than their community and culture offers. I think there is guilt and shame associated with wanting more for ourselves, at least in the desi community. You dream of moving out and having a space for yourself, because you want to see the person you can become, to discover yourself in your solitary routines and cultivate a life that makes you feel accomplished? But the reality is, at least for women, wanting a life away from your family means you are a selfish wild thing, "too" westernised. But, she dares us to acknowledge that we are on the brink of achieving something amazing, we just have to take that final leap. Whether that is moving out, writing, talking about your truth.
I want to put a disclaimer about what this story is * not *. It is not about a Muslim girl trying to escape her conservative family, and finally being rescued by a white knight. There is no oppressive family or forced marriage. There is miscommunication, cultural barriers and the difficulty of navigating "western" ideas with our brown family.
The memoir makes us question what beliefs and values are really important to us, where we got them from and if it's really more than a label. For many us, it's a requirement that we choose partners who share the same religion as us - but do we really care about what that label means, or is it just a pacifier to keep the tacky aunties from talking behind your back?
It can be a scary thing to look inwards and question our own toxicity and shed away the layers and identities we adopted for the sake of others. But it's a necessary step in achieving happiness.
Her story is beautiful and a must-read for people who feel guilty for wanting more than their community and culture offers. I think there is guilt and shame associated with wanting more for ourselves, at least in the desi community. You dream of moving out and having a space for yourself, because you want to see the person you can become, to discover yourself in your solitary routines and cultivate a life that makes you feel accomplished? But the reality is, at least for women, wanting a life away from your family means you are a selfish wild thing, "too" westernised. But, she dares us to acknowledge that we are on the brink of achieving something amazing, we just have to take that final leap. Whether that is moving out, writing, talking about your truth.
I want to put a disclaimer about what this story is * not *. It is not about a Muslim girl trying to escape her conservative family, and finally being rescued by a white knight. There is no oppressive family or forced marriage. There is miscommunication, cultural barriers and the difficulty of navigating "western" ideas with our brown family.
The memoir makes us question what beliefs and values are really important to us, where we got them from and if it's really more than a label. For many us, it's a requirement that we choose partners who share the same religion as us - but do we really care about what that label means, or is it just a pacifier to keep the tacky aunties from talking behind your back?
It can be a scary thing to look inwards and question our own toxicity and shed away the layers and identities we adopted for the sake of others. But it's a necessary step in achieving happiness.
August 30, 2021
Why everyone, Muslim and non-Muslim, needs to read this moving memoir about finding love in unexpected places.
Going in, I was unsure how things would play out. There’s a lot of books about the British Muslim experience that tends to pander to the white saviour narrative of oppressed (mostly female) Muslims. In the end I found this was a greater story about being comfortable in your own skin and mapping out a narrative for yourself.
@humaqureshiwriter expressed the pressures between being born of immigrant parents, who recreate as much of their culture in a foreign (and cold) place, and living in a Western country where English is your dominant tongue and your celebrity crushes aren’t all brown. To try and sum that experience in 210 pages is impressive and brave.
She depicted the sometimes toxic culture of Asian marriages and her sweet romance with Richard without opposing them, and her relationship with her family and faith was shown in a loving and respectful manner. As a 25 year old British Asian myself, I could relate to Huma strongly whilst reaffirming the choices I made with my degree in English, a job in marketing and a dream to publish one day are choices I’ve made for myself. That’s the hardest thing about being a British Asian muslim: you’re always trying to create your own narrative without others' opinions.
Finally, Huma's relationship with her father was just adorable. If you're ever up for it Huma, I’d love to read your father's story and if your best friend KK found her own happy ending! Huma has fast become a new favourite author and I can’t wait for her new book this year. Also learning that she's a fellow Janeite I wanted to capture her book with an air of regency romance. I'll leave you with this line that I think we're all secretly pining for: “These days when I talk about our culture I do it without punctuation marks."
Going in, I was unsure how things would play out. There’s a lot of books about the British Muslim experience that tends to pander to the white saviour narrative of oppressed (mostly female) Muslims. In the end I found this was a greater story about being comfortable in your own skin and mapping out a narrative for yourself.
@humaqureshiwriter expressed the pressures between being born of immigrant parents, who recreate as much of their culture in a foreign (and cold) place, and living in a Western country where English is your dominant tongue and your celebrity crushes aren’t all brown. To try and sum that experience in 210 pages is impressive and brave.
She depicted the sometimes toxic culture of Asian marriages and her sweet romance with Richard without opposing them, and her relationship with her family and faith was shown in a loving and respectful manner. As a 25 year old British Asian myself, I could relate to Huma strongly whilst reaffirming the choices I made with my degree in English, a job in marketing and a dream to publish one day are choices I’ve made for myself. That’s the hardest thing about being a British Asian muslim: you’re always trying to create your own narrative without others' opinions.
Finally, Huma's relationship with her father was just adorable. If you're ever up for it Huma, I’d love to read your father's story and if your best friend KK found her own happy ending! Huma has fast become a new favourite author and I can’t wait for her new book this year. Also learning that she's a fellow Janeite I wanted to capture her book with an air of regency romance. I'll leave you with this line that I think we're all secretly pining for: “These days when I talk about our culture I do it without punctuation marks."
October 21, 2020
If you loved Zeba Talkhani’s memoir My Past is a Foreign Country, you are going to LOVE well-known British Asian journalist Huma Qureshi’s memoir How We Met, which comes out in January 2021! Thank you @elliottandthompson for the proof, I devoured it in one day.
How We Met is NOT your conventional Muslim Asian woman meets non-Muslim white boy. There is no young Muslim Asian woman here being rescued by a white man. There is no oppressive family. It’s the tale of Huma’s journey to finding her husband, how she convinced her family to marry him, and a heartwarming memoir of growing up in the Asian community in the UK, being a woman who wants more for her life but also having parents who were supportive and who made her happiness, education and career a priority.
Huma delves into the make-up of Asian society in the UK, and the pressures that she faced as a young woman to get married to a “suitable boy,” something that many women of colour including myself can resonate with. It’s such an important tale for other women to read, to understand you can come to a point where having yourself is enough - and not to feel like you are only worthy as a woman when you have a wedding ring on your finger.
Huma’s anecdotes about her children are heartwarming, her relationship with her brilliant father made me cry and I just loved her husband so much from reading this book.
How We Met is NOT your conventional Muslim Asian woman meets non-Muslim white boy. There is no young Muslim Asian woman here being rescued by a white man. There is no oppressive family. It’s the tale of Huma’s journey to finding her husband, how she convinced her family to marry him, and a heartwarming memoir of growing up in the Asian community in the UK, being a woman who wants more for her life but also having parents who were supportive and who made her happiness, education and career a priority.
Huma delves into the make-up of Asian society in the UK, and the pressures that she faced as a young woman to get married to a “suitable boy,” something that many women of colour including myself can resonate with. It’s such an important tale for other women to read, to understand you can come to a point where having yourself is enough - and not to feel like you are only worthy as a woman when you have a wedding ring on your finger.
Huma’s anecdotes about her children are heartwarming, her relationship with her brilliant father made me cry and I just loved her husband so much from reading this book.
January 26, 2021
How We Met details how the author met her husband, everything that came before and the pressures of dating expectations growing up in an Asian community.
The only way I could describe this book is like when someone asks ‘how did you two meet?’ and then an entire story runs through your head only for you to respond ‘oh we met at ...’ this book is the story that goes through your mind that you’d never share for fear of over sharing but I loved it! I wish more people would tell their stories because they are the best!
This is so beautifully written with moments of joy and heartbreak throughout, I loved it. As someone who doesn’t read many memoirs this is perfect, as it reads like fiction - this book is published today and I would highly recommend it!
The only way I could describe this book is like when someone asks ‘how did you two meet?’ and then an entire story runs through your head only for you to respond ‘oh we met at ...’ this book is the story that goes through your mind that you’d never share for fear of over sharing but I loved it! I wish more people would tell their stories because they are the best!
This is so beautifully written with moments of joy and heartbreak throughout, I loved it. As someone who doesn’t read many memoirs this is perfect, as it reads like fiction - this book is published today and I would highly recommend it!
July 26, 2021
4,5 stars for this beautiful memoir.
I loved the personal and thoughtful writing. It was very honest about Huma's own experiences and thoughts and how it was for her, which doesn't equal how it should be and how everyone should or must think. I cried when her father died, I felt her grief to my bones. I laughed when she was happy and I felt with her when she was on her path to find her self-worth.
I really loved the "These days" "Those days" glimpses back and forth between their past and future.
Mingling with the story of her kids, her path, her love, her family.
In conclusion it was beautiful.
I loved the personal and thoughtful writing. It was very honest about Huma's own experiences and thoughts and how it was for her, which doesn't equal how it should be and how everyone should or must think. I cried when her father died, I felt her grief to my bones. I laughed when she was happy and I felt with her when she was on her path to find her self-worth.
I really loved the "These days" "Those days" glimpses back and forth between their past and future.
Mingling with the story of her kids, her path, her love, her family.
In conclusion it was beautiful.
March 10, 2021
Such a beautiful, warming read. I felt SO much reading this. Literally laughed, cried and had moments of awe. Sat with it for an hour after reading it in the bath. Highly, highly recommend.
February 8, 2021
When Huma joined our lecture to talk about her new memoir, her book deal, her writing process, I immediately liked her. We all did in fact, my classmates and I flooding our group text threads. "Isn't she lovely" we said, "what a lovely energy" we said, "I don't know her, but I am instantly rooting for her" we said.
Huma's memoir has the same effect on the brain as spending an afternoon with an old friend. It's the literary equivalent of a conversation shared over a pot of tea that lasts long after the tea is poured.
It's touted as a romantic memoir but really How We Met reads to me more like a coming of age tome. Huma's journey to accepting herself, accepting her culture, finding confidence and love, muddling through grief, it's all poignant and thoughtful and at times heartbreaking, but above all relatable.
Huma herself describes her story as 'ordinary' and that is where the magic lies. She brings to life the ordinary human experience in a way that leaves you under her spell.
Above all it's her descriptions of living with grief that stay with me. "Other times, my sadness followed so closely in my footsteps I couldn't outrun it."
"I frequently felt as though I was looking in from the outside, a moth battling against a window before falling away"
"For most of my twenties there was a loneliness inside me. It stemmed from grief, but turned into something else. Whatever it was, it was ungentle and grasping, like fingers at a throat. It welled up inside me and rolled around in the empty expense of my heart, rattling in the corners; it was there, always."
Despite these haunting words, Huma's memoir is overwhelmingly positive, we know there's a happy ending from the very first pages, and despite all she's been through continues to find the joy.
Our first impressions of Huma were so right, and she truly deserves her every day happy ending.
Huma's memoir has the same effect on the brain as spending an afternoon with an old friend. It's the literary equivalent of a conversation shared over a pot of tea that lasts long after the tea is poured.
It's touted as a romantic memoir but really How We Met reads to me more like a coming of age tome. Huma's journey to accepting herself, accepting her culture, finding confidence and love, muddling through grief, it's all poignant and thoughtful and at times heartbreaking, but above all relatable.
Huma herself describes her story as 'ordinary' and that is where the magic lies. She brings to life the ordinary human experience in a way that leaves you under her spell.
Above all it's her descriptions of living with grief that stay with me. "Other times, my sadness followed so closely in my footsteps I couldn't outrun it."
"I frequently felt as though I was looking in from the outside, a moth battling against a window before falling away"
"For most of my twenties there was a loneliness inside me. It stemmed from grief, but turned into something else. Whatever it was, it was ungentle and grasping, like fingers at a throat. It welled up inside me and rolled around in the empty expense of my heart, rattling in the corners; it was there, always."
Despite these haunting words, Huma's memoir is overwhelmingly positive, we know there's a happy ending from the very first pages, and despite all she's been through continues to find the joy.
Our first impressions of Huma were so right, and she truly deserves her every day happy ending.
February 3, 2022
4.5 stars.
I picked this up because I was intrigued by the summary to this book. As a child of South Asian parents, like the author, I felt there was a similarity to our experiences: strict parents, restrictive upbringings, with marriage seen as the pinnacle of (and sole meaning to) our existences.
I could relate to Qureshi’s confusion, very similar to my own as an adolescent, when, after years of being told not to interact with males, she was supposed to marry who they picked. As a second generation kid of immigrants, this was difficult to process and integrate into my view of what I thought my life should be. Qureshi described this dissonance so well. As well as the process, often humiliating for her, of meeting prospective husbands.
She also described the lifelong programming we’re given, and that she wholeheartedly believed in, that South Asian women are nothing without a husband (and children), which caused the author so much pain and sadness, as none of the methods she tried over years to meet a suitable man panned out. The men she did meet ranged from cringeworthy, terribly self-centred to plainly awful, the further Qureshi moved from her supposed best before date. (Yeah, the aunties are always keen to let you know how or how you do not meet requirements the older you get.)
This moving memoir brought up a LOT of emotions, taking me back to unpleasant discussions with my own parents, and the ridiculous notion in the South Asian community that a woman is nothing without a man.
I was deeply affected reading this, especially as Qureshi wrestled with how to tell her family she was interested in marrying someone from outside their community, which is a really difficult decision to make, despite being raised in a western society. It’s also a potentially incredibly isolating decision, and unlike some women I knew, Qureshi’s family came round.
While not a long book, it was interesting to read about all the choices and questions Qureshi had to work out about herself and her choice of partner. This was an emotional, difficult, but also really enjoyable read.
Thank you to Netgalley and to Elliott & Thompson for this ARC in exchange for my review.
I picked this up because I was intrigued by the summary to this book. As a child of South Asian parents, like the author, I felt there was a similarity to our experiences: strict parents, restrictive upbringings, with marriage seen as the pinnacle of (and sole meaning to) our existences.
I could relate to Qureshi’s confusion, very similar to my own as an adolescent, when, after years of being told not to interact with males, she was supposed to marry who they picked. As a second generation kid of immigrants, this was difficult to process and integrate into my view of what I thought my life should be. Qureshi described this dissonance so well. As well as the process, often humiliating for her, of meeting prospective husbands.
She also described the lifelong programming we’re given, and that she wholeheartedly believed in, that South Asian women are nothing without a husband (and children), which caused the author so much pain and sadness, as none of the methods she tried over years to meet a suitable man panned out. The men she did meet ranged from cringeworthy, terribly self-centred to plainly awful, the further Qureshi moved from her supposed best before date. (Yeah, the aunties are always keen to let you know how or how you do not meet requirements the older you get.)
This moving memoir brought up a LOT of emotions, taking me back to unpleasant discussions with my own parents, and the ridiculous notion in the South Asian community that a woman is nothing without a man.
I was deeply affected reading this, especially as Qureshi wrestled with how to tell her family she was interested in marrying someone from outside their community, which is a really difficult decision to make, despite being raised in a western society. It’s also a potentially incredibly isolating decision, and unlike some women I knew, Qureshi’s family came round.
While not a long book, it was interesting to read about all the choices and questions Qureshi had to work out about herself and her choice of partner. This was an emotional, difficult, but also really enjoyable read.
Thank you to Netgalley and to Elliott & Thompson for this ARC in exchange for my review.
December 11, 2022
The book is not just about how the writer met her husband but also about of her dealing with her father's death, of her finding her place in the world, of dealing with the pressures finding someone and "settling down" as a muslim women in her twenties, and of surviviving the all known toxic parts of rishta culture. The book is though well-written but there was not much uniqueness in the story (which the writer herself says so too) but if you like watching how-we-met or couple Q & A's videos on YouTube like myself you'll probably like it too!
June 19, 2022
Cute, easy to read and a great insight into normal life for a south Asian who is struggling to swim against the tide of culture and standards
Enjoyable nice holiday read, autobiographies aren’t really my thing but this may have shifted me over to the dark side slightly
Enjoyable nice holiday read, autobiographies aren’t really my thing but this may have shifted me over to the dark side slightly
April 4, 2021
A touching, witty and endearing story following love, life, identify and loss. I found Qureshi's writing charming and relatable. There were many moments I surprised myself by saying 'I've had those thoughts/experiences!' I was captivated by the honesty and genuine moments that fill the book, which speaks to the vulnerability that is portrayed for the reader. This is very rare to see by South-Asians authors and me, who is currently in the "marriage rush" period, I found the words comforting and calming. A quote that I found quite profound and was moved by;
I guess you could say, I met myself first, before I met him.
May 31, 2023
This book is such a good read.
It’s a biography but it’s been written like a story, I love the way the author romanticises her life in a way that’s she’s a character is a book, even though she is a character in book if you get what I’m saying.
Her struggles as a Pakistani women trying to navigate a western life is relatable and the trials she faces trying to find a medium that suits her and aligns with her cultural and religious beliefs.
Overall a very good book, and easy read and so well written !
7.5/10
It’s a biography but it’s been written like a story, I love the way the author romanticises her life in a way that’s she’s a character is a book, even though she is a character in book if you get what I’m saying.
Her struggles as a Pakistani women trying to navigate a western life is relatable and the trials she faces trying to find a medium that suits her and aligns with her cultural and religious beliefs.
Overall a very good book, and easy read and so well written !
7.5/10
Read
August 26, 2022I don’t rate memoirs but I can say this was a beautiful, emotionally charged memoir that touched on so many themes that moved me: family, grief, self-love, pressure, faith and more. Told through a conversational writing style, I finished this in one day and really enjoyed it. I smiled through so many parts and teared up at others and was overall very moved
June 7, 2023
It is a lovely story about the expectations in a South asian household and how it can slowly infiltrate your life and how you go about it. Huma discusses her life and how she navigated falling in love with a white man whose culture was extremely far off from the one she grew up with.
I think I related to her a lot in this book, especially in regards to fear associated with society and culture as well as marriage. She explains just how much being South asian also means you have to upload a certain image to people just like you, no matter how far from your home country you are. I could relate to her experiences with growing up and not having a strong sense of direction as everyone around you, all while navigating growing into womanhood.
This was a great memoir on growing up and becoming more confident in your own skin as well as falling in love and taking chances that end up being extremely worthwhile.
I think I related to her a lot in this book, especially in regards to fear associated with society and culture as well as marriage. She explains just how much being South asian also means you have to upload a certain image to people just like you, no matter how far from your home country you are. I could relate to her experiences with growing up and not having a strong sense of direction as everyone around you, all while navigating growing into womanhood.
This was a great memoir on growing up and becoming more confident in your own skin as well as falling in love and taking chances that end up being extremely worthwhile.
June 6, 2021
Though there is plenty of the everyday in our story, because we are ordinary and watch Netflix and eat dinner on the sofa, it does not make it any less of a great love.
I don't read many memoirs. My (maybe) controversial view is that a lot of people who write memoirs think they are a lot more interesting than they are. I bought this book thinking it was fiction, and was initially disappointed when I found out it was autobiographical. However, when I accidentally opened it on my kindle and read the first page, I was hooked.
Qureshi writes about love, loss and her relationship with her religion and culture with warmth and honesty. I feel she handled all of the above delicately, discussing topics such as the difference between culture and religion, or how to find your own belief system and plan for your life when that differs from those around you, with great care.
I live not far from where Qureshi grew up, and I feel I was given a small insight to a social sphere that is very different from mine. Although, despite the differences, I feel a lot of the themes of this book are universal.
I would highly recommend this book - I think one of my favourites of the year so far.
I don't read many memoirs. My (maybe) controversial view is that a lot of people who write memoirs think they are a lot more interesting than they are. I bought this book thinking it was fiction, and was initially disappointed when I found out it was autobiographical. However, when I accidentally opened it on my kindle and read the first page, I was hooked.
Qureshi writes about love, loss and her relationship with her religion and culture with warmth and honesty. I feel she handled all of the above delicately, discussing topics such as the difference between culture and religion, or how to find your own belief system and plan for your life when that differs from those around you, with great care.
I live not far from where Qureshi grew up, and I feel I was given a small insight to a social sphere that is very different from mine. Although, despite the differences, I feel a lot of the themes of this book are universal.
I would highly recommend this book - I think one of my favourites of the year so far.
April 24, 2021
Finished this heartwarming and beautiful memoir in one sitting, absolutely loved it. It’s about the trajectory of how Huma met her white husband, but there’s also so much more to it than just that. There’s pure simplicity and fluidity to Huma’s writing as she navigates love, loss, expectation, religion, family, identity and much more as a second-generation Asian in Britain. While it’s heartbreaking at times it’s overwhelmingly poignant, each page radiates with love for the possibility of life and it left me joyous.
February 9, 2021
Several of my favourite Booksta accounts have already read this one and proclaimed their love for it (I’m paraphrasing) so I started this book with that reassuring feeling that it was going to be a great read. I wasn’t disappointed. What a treasure of a book.
Huma’s memoir tells the story of how she married her white, English husband but that’s only one element of it. She takes us through her twenties and her journey to self-confidence amid the rejections and scrutiny of trying to find a suitable match.
This memoir is never about the author rejecting her culture or faith, or wanting to escape them (or be rescued by a white saviour). It’s simply about her experiences and the fact that she happened to fall in love with a white guy. Huma says herself that this isn’t a story filled with drama and arguments but that doesn’t mean it was easy. And it’s a story well worth telling because it provides nuance where it is lacking and most importantly it’s real. I’m so glad she wrote this and shared it with the world.
There were many moments that I related to in some way or saw myself in. Her experience of grief and periods low self-esteem. I absolutely loved reading about the start of her writing career and also the way motherhood impacted it. Also have to mention my love for the insights into Huma in Paris (a Netflix show I’d find much more relatable). The anxiety that she spoke of leading up to telling her family about her choice of potential husband brought back memories of the crippling anxiety I felt before I told my family I was converting to Islam.
My favourite aspect of the book was Huma’s journey to contentment in herself before she met her husband, it was truly heartwarming and uplifting.
I know it’s early to say but this will be a stand out read of the year for me. Very excited about Huma’s short story collection coming out later this year.
Thank you so much to Elliott and Thompson for reaching out and sending me a copy of this wonderful book.
Huma’s memoir tells the story of how she married her white, English husband but that’s only one element of it. She takes us through her twenties and her journey to self-confidence amid the rejections and scrutiny of trying to find a suitable match.
This memoir is never about the author rejecting her culture or faith, or wanting to escape them (or be rescued by a white saviour). It’s simply about her experiences and the fact that she happened to fall in love with a white guy. Huma says herself that this isn’t a story filled with drama and arguments but that doesn’t mean it was easy. And it’s a story well worth telling because it provides nuance where it is lacking and most importantly it’s real. I’m so glad she wrote this and shared it with the world.
There were many moments that I related to in some way or saw myself in. Her experience of grief and periods low self-esteem. I absolutely loved reading about the start of her writing career and also the way motherhood impacted it. Also have to mention my love for the insights into Huma in Paris (a Netflix show I’d find much more relatable). The anxiety that she spoke of leading up to telling her family about her choice of potential husband brought back memories of the crippling anxiety I felt before I told my family I was converting to Islam.
My favourite aspect of the book was Huma’s journey to contentment in herself before she met her husband, it was truly heartwarming and uplifting.
I know it’s early to say but this will be a stand out read of the year for me. Very excited about Huma’s short story collection coming out later this year.
Thank you so much to Elliott and Thompson for reaching out and sending me a copy of this wonderful book.
March 14, 2021
Do you ever play that game where you look at a person and wonder what their life looks like? What are their struggles and triumphs? Yes, I do this sometimes. That is why I find memoirs so interesting, especially those from fellow Muslim women.
Growing up, it was rare to see stories of women from my cultural/religious background and if ever I did come across a story, it was always the same narrative of an oppressed woman living through the trauma of being Muslim. I always yearned for a story that showed the other side of my religion and culture, one where yes there are struggles but there is also healing, comfort, joys and triumphs. I wanted to read a story that did not focus on the stereotypes. I want to thank the author for giving us that story of triumph and healing.
When Huma reaches that age where family start speaking to her about marriage, she decides chart her own path and complete her studies in Paris. This exciting chapter in her life takes a turn when her father has a stroke and she leaves Paris to be with her family. I'm in awe with the way Huma shared this heartbreaking period of her life. She gives readers a look into how everyone processes grief and carries it differently. She shows us how grief can manifest in many other ways. We follow Huma as she grieves and agrees to thinking about marriage and meeting potential suitors. But what happens when she meets someone who is not Pakistani and not Muslim?
There is a raw honesty and vulnerability in the way Huma tells her story. It is both relatable and inspiring. Life is made up of little moments and I really enjoyed reading those moments that pushed her forward, whether it was decorating her first flat or conversations with her children. I'm sure her story of loss will resonate with many people. The way she weaves together her story comparing those days vs these days made it a wholesome reading experience. By sharing her story, Huma showed us that there is a place for our stories.
Growing up, it was rare to see stories of women from my cultural/religious background and if ever I did come across a story, it was always the same narrative of an oppressed woman living through the trauma of being Muslim. I always yearned for a story that showed the other side of my religion and culture, one where yes there are struggles but there is also healing, comfort, joys and triumphs. I wanted to read a story that did not focus on the stereotypes. I want to thank the author for giving us that story of triumph and healing.
When Huma reaches that age where family start speaking to her about marriage, she decides chart her own path and complete her studies in Paris. This exciting chapter in her life takes a turn when her father has a stroke and she leaves Paris to be with her family. I'm in awe with the way Huma shared this heartbreaking period of her life. She gives readers a look into how everyone processes grief and carries it differently. She shows us how grief can manifest in many other ways. We follow Huma as she grieves and agrees to thinking about marriage and meeting potential suitors. But what happens when she meets someone who is not Pakistani and not Muslim?
There is a raw honesty and vulnerability in the way Huma tells her story. It is both relatable and inspiring. Life is made up of little moments and I really enjoyed reading those moments that pushed her forward, whether it was decorating her first flat or conversations with her children. I'm sure her story of loss will resonate with many people. The way she weaves together her story comparing those days vs these days made it a wholesome reading experience. By sharing her story, Huma showed us that there is a place for our stories.
January 20, 2021
Too often we come across narratives that vilify traditional Muslim parents and brothers as the face of evil incarnate or in some instances liberal such that religion plays absolutely no role in the character’s upbringing or the story itself.
And it is indeed rare to come across voices that are balanced, nuanced and have characters that are trying to navigate the hurdles of life while staying within the boundaries set by well-meaning and supportive parents, with a heart full of faith and the best of intentions leading the way.
The story is narrated with alternating chapters of the past, as the author recounts her journey of finding her place in the world and the pressures of society to “settle down” -that is by marriage to a “suitable boy”, and chapters of the present where she is married to a wonderful person and a mum of three lovely kids.
This memoir ticks all the boxes for an interesting, timely, relevant and honest portrayal of a lot of Muslim communities and individuals who face the everyday dilemma of expectations and societal pressure while struggling with their self-worth.
Recommended reading for everyone and even more for those who think they are struggling with finding the “right person” and are doubting themselves.
Don’t feel pushed to settle for just anyone, remember that no marriage is better than a bad marriage.
And also, nobody’s born with a marry-by date, you are a human being not a packet of chips!
The beauty of this story is in its simplicity and I’m sure it will resonate with a lot of readers.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
The chapters of grief are so eloquent and gentle that I wanted to reach into the book and hug the author 💛
Thank you to Netgalley and the publishers for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.
And it is indeed rare to come across voices that are balanced, nuanced and have characters that are trying to navigate the hurdles of life while staying within the boundaries set by well-meaning and supportive parents, with a heart full of faith and the best of intentions leading the way.
The story is narrated with alternating chapters of the past, as the author recounts her journey of finding her place in the world and the pressures of society to “settle down” -that is by marriage to a “suitable boy”, and chapters of the present where she is married to a wonderful person and a mum of three lovely kids.
This memoir ticks all the boxes for an interesting, timely, relevant and honest portrayal of a lot of Muslim communities and individuals who face the everyday dilemma of expectations and societal pressure while struggling with their self-worth.
Recommended reading for everyone and even more for those who think they are struggling with finding the “right person” and are doubting themselves.
Don’t feel pushed to settle for just anyone, remember that no marriage is better than a bad marriage.
And also, nobody’s born with a marry-by date, you are a human being not a packet of chips!
The beauty of this story is in its simplicity and I’m sure it will resonate with a lot of readers.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
The chapters of grief are so eloquent and gentle that I wanted to reach into the book and hug the author 💛
Thank you to Netgalley and the publishers for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.
April 5, 2024
evren bana bir süredir yanık sanırım çünkü inanılmaz kitapları arka arkaya okuma treninde çufçuf uçuyorum.
kitap pakistanlı müslüman bir kadının hayatını, ailesini, geleneklerini ve en nihayetinde beyaz bir adama aşık olduğunda geçtiği süreçleri anlatıyor. ama nasıl anlatıyor? kaymak gibi anlatıyor.
anı kitaplarını benim için vazgeçilmez kılan şey cümlelerin zeki ve sıcak kurulmuş olması. eğer cümleleriniz ballı süt gibiyse ve muzipseniz bana dilerseniz saatler boyu koli bandından, tavanınızdan veya sandalyelerden bahsedin. ben elimde kalem kağıdımla dinlerim.
yazarın beyninden geçen şeyleri, sevdiğiniz biri öldüğündeki o amansız kafa karışıklığını, dalgınlığı, yalnızlığı ve barışını; yirmili yaşların kaybolmalarındaki isyanlarını ve başarılarını ve hissettiği herhangi bir şeyi öylesine nazik kağıda dökebilme yeteneğini: yemek istedim. (bu cümleyi böyle bitirdiğim için ben de kendimden hayal kırıklığına uğradım ama gerçek hislerim böyle)
aşka inancımı biraz tazeledim bu kitapla ama birazdan geçer.
(edit:BEN DE DİYORUM BU KADININ DİLİ THINGS WE DONT TELL THE PEOPLE WE LOVE"IN YAZARINA ÇOK BENZİYOR: AYNI KADINMIŞ)
kitap pakistanlı müslüman bir kadının hayatını, ailesini, geleneklerini ve en nihayetinde beyaz bir adama aşık olduğunda geçtiği süreçleri anlatıyor. ama nasıl anlatıyor? kaymak gibi anlatıyor.
anı kitaplarını benim için vazgeçilmez kılan şey cümlelerin zeki ve sıcak kurulmuş olması. eğer cümleleriniz ballı süt gibiyse ve muzipseniz bana dilerseniz saatler boyu koli bandından, tavanınızdan veya sandalyelerden bahsedin. ben elimde kalem kağıdımla dinlerim.
yazarın beyninden geçen şeyleri, sevdiğiniz biri öldüğündeki o amansız kafa karışıklığını, dalgınlığı, yalnızlığı ve barışını; yirmili yaşların kaybolmalarındaki isyanlarını ve başarılarını ve hissettiği herhangi bir şeyi öylesine nazik kağıda dökebilme yeteneğini: yemek istedim. (bu cümleyi böyle bitirdiğim için ben de kendimden hayal kırıklığına uğradım ama gerçek hislerim böyle)
aşka inancımı biraz tazeledim bu kitapla ama birazdan geçer.
(edit:BEN DE DİYORUM BU KADININ DİLİ THINGS WE DONT TELL THE PEOPLE WE LOVE"IN YAZARINA ÇOK BENZİYOR: AYNI KADINMIŞ)
September 15, 2021
I loved this book. It is funny, respectful, understanding and tender and beautiful. This book is about the author’s story of meeting her husband Richard, who is white, and the story switches between current times, the author’s twenties and the time when she met her husband. None of the plot points of her life are mine, but in the specificity of her story and her journey toward herself I could find so much to relate to. She writes beautifully about her time in Paris with a tiny room but time to read and think, and as I read I felt transported to memories of my own life.
This book was a reminder that there are no fairytales and love does not save you if you are not comfortable with yourself. It is also a book that speaks lovingly and compassionately about family and what it is like to see a parent fall ill long term and talks about the grief of loss, and this book made me tear up more than once. All in all I loved it.
This book was a reminder that there are no fairytales and love does not save you if you are not comfortable with yourself. It is also a book that speaks lovingly and compassionately about family and what it is like to see a parent fall ill long term and talks about the grief of loss, and this book made me tear up more than once. All in all I loved it.
December 30, 2024
I enjoyed reading this and it gave me more of an insight into Muslim women, which I am grateful for. It wasn’t quite what I expected though - I thought it would be more about her relationship (with a white Englishman) as it was described as a "romantic memoir" but instead it was mostly about her family and her upbringing in Walsall and her struggle to reconcile the different parts of herself. In that sense, it was interesting and written with great sensitivity. Perhaps too much sensitivity at times as it felt like she was treading cautiously and trying not to offend anyone. Which I understand, but then why write a memoir unless you are going to be searingly honest? (Write a work of fiction instead). She kept saying she was angry but there was little evidence of this anger. It seemed rather that she was bending over backwards to please her parents and be a good Muslim, although it wasn't until the end of the book when she went to the Regents Park mosque where her husband converted that she seemed to gain any insight into her religion (side note - I loved this imam!)
That said, it was lovely to read - although sad and made me sad / angry that she spent so long feeling unfulfilled and lonely - all the way through her 20s. But then I'm looking at it from the perspective of an older white woman who dislikes all organised religion. I was brought up in a strict Christian household with similar expectations surrounding chastity and marriage, but I rejected all this and have been an atheist since my teens. I'm glad and perhaps a little envious that Huma was able to find peace and form a good relationship with her mother. However, as an Observer/Guardian journalist, I did wonder at her lack of criticism at the patriarchal aspects of her culture - as it seemed to me that it was the culture that was placing these expectations on her, not the religion. Would she have liked sexual freedom - did this not bother her? She didn't seem to have much personal religious faith, just a deep need to be thought well of by her community.
I would also have liked a bit more about her husband - he remained a one dimensional figure who instantly agreed to convert (why was this necessary?) and seemed to be all round perfect. I couldn't really picture him at all.
Anyway, it certainly made me think!
That said, it was lovely to read - although sad and made me sad / angry that she spent so long feeling unfulfilled and lonely - all the way through her 20s. But then I'm looking at it from the perspective of an older white woman who dislikes all organised religion. I was brought up in a strict Christian household with similar expectations surrounding chastity and marriage, but I rejected all this and have been an atheist since my teens. I'm glad and perhaps a little envious that Huma was able to find peace and form a good relationship with her mother. However, as an Observer/Guardian journalist, I did wonder at her lack of criticism at the patriarchal aspects of her culture - as it seemed to me that it was the culture that was placing these expectations on her, not the religion. Would she have liked sexual freedom - did this not bother her? She didn't seem to have much personal religious faith, just a deep need to be thought well of by her community.
I would also have liked a bit more about her husband - he remained a one dimensional figure who instantly agreed to convert (why was this necessary?) and seemed to be all round perfect. I couldn't really picture him at all.
Anyway, it certainly made me think!
April 6, 2021
This book resonates me in so many ways, as though what Huma told us that her story isn’t unique, I do feel like there’s no uniqueness in mine. But somehow she managed to touch my heart and many others with her words, with her so called mundane story. This strikes me that we, human, longed for the connection in similarities. We searched for something familiar to feel belonged. To feel like we are not doing as bad as we thought we did. To reassure ourselves from time to time that there is nothing wrong with us. And to kept us motivated and continue living. Thank you Mals for sending me this! I love it so much ♥️
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