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The Other Talk: Reckoning with Our White Privilege

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Author Brendan Kiely starts a conversation with white kids about race in this accessible introduction to white privilege and why allyship is so vital.

Talking about racism can be hard, but...

Most kids of color grow up talking about racism. They have “The Talk” with their families—the honest talk about survival in a racist world.

But white kids don’t. They’re barely spoken to about race at all—and that needs to change. Because not talking about racism doesn’t make it go away. Not talking about white privilege doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

The Other Talk begins this much-needed conversation for white kids. In an instantly relatable and deeply honest account of his own life, Brendan Kiely offers young readers a way to understand one’s own white privilege and why allyship is so vital, so that we can all start doing our part—today.

272 pages, Hardcover

Published September 21, 2021

47 people are currently reading
1438 people want to read

About the author

Brendan Kiely

13 books273 followers
Brendan Kiely received an MFA in creative writing from The City College of New York. His writing has appeared in Fiction, Guernica, The AWP Writer’s Chronicle, and other publications. Originally from the Boston area, he now teaches at an independent high school and lives with his wife in Greenwich Village.

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 130 reviews
Profile Image for Alex Nonymous.
Author 26 books560 followers
July 30, 2021
Thanks to the publisher for providing an eARC of The Other Talk: Reckoning with Our White Privilege in exchange for an honest review.

I think Brendan Kiely approaches anti-racism in such an intelligently casual way here, but because of that this works best as a starting point to get readers informed in anti-racism instead of a look into the subtleties and complexities of white privilege.

Kiely takes on a very conversational approach to narration here which as an infrequent reader of non-fiction I always appreciate, and has clearly consulted members from non-white communities to make sure the information presented here is helpful and accurate.
Profile Image for Libriar.
2,498 reviews
September 27, 2021
Excellent book for white middle and high school students. Kiely uses examples from his own teenage and adult years and explains things in very relatable ways. Will be recommending this to several white friends raising teens.
26 reviews
November 25, 2021
One of the most important and eye-opening books I’ve read. Facts are clearly stated and history is explained openly. Brendan Kiely makes his points through personal experiences that ring true and hit home. I want everyone I know to read this or maybe even better, listen to Brendan reading it aloud.
Profile Image for Sarah Ressler Wright.
1,014 reviews17 followers
February 22, 2022
Loved this so much. Brendan reads it himself and it’s so great -he really breaks things down and tells his own goofy childhood stories which highlights the injustice of racism. He also delivers statistics that show critically the issues of racism in America. Recommend as an awesome companion to Stamped. Everyone should read this middle school through adults and the audio is fantastic!
Profile Image for Raina.
1,718 reviews163 followers
December 27, 2024
Appreciated the tone of this - it's very much written To teens, and specifically to White teens. Accessible and illuminating - an important addition to the conversation about White privilege.

I read it immediately after reading The Talk by Darrin Bell, and appreciated the way the two books complemented each other and contrasted against each other.
Profile Image for Bookworm.
2,308 reviews96 followers
December 24, 2021
If you've thought about race, racism, etc. in the United States and listened to the many conversations about it, you might be aware of something called "the talk" that many parents of color (and especially Black parents) who talk to their children about race and how they are seen in the United States (usually but of course this may apply elsewhere in the world). Author Kiely takes the reader to the other side: white children aren't spoken to about race in the same way, don't have to think about race and racism the same way, etc., never have to experience racism or fear or bigotry, etc.

I was curious about what could and should have to say. You can have Black, Indigenous and People of Color write, talk, etc. all about their experiences all the time, but it will never matter because some people will never listen to these voices, never pay attention, and won't process it no matter the tone, the delivery, the medium, etc.

Overall, I'm not sure what the book was trying to do or what it was trying to convey. Maybe because this was a white author trying to talk to white people (specifically, white teens) I just felt like it was a conversation that was something I could listen to but not really understand and also be unsure how well it would land or impact the reader/listener.

In some ways, it felt like books in the same vein such as White Fragility or Nice Racism, both by Robin DiAngelo. White people are told all the time they need to speak to their white relatives about racism, etc. since they may be the only ones who can make their relatives listen, etc. A good place to start, perhaps, but also can't be the only point of discussion or end there.

I borrowed this from the library and would personally recommend that unless you have a specific need or need a reference, etc. Would recommend this as an addition to a classroom library but again: it should not be the only place or only resource.
Profile Image for Sarah Krajewski.
1,221 reviews
October 12, 2021
Most children of color get “the talk” when they are young—how to speak and behave around police and other people with authority and power. In this book, author Brendan Kiely has “the other talk” with his white readers about racism and white privilege. He reminds readers that we need this talk again and again, for it’s only when we listen—really listen—that we can learn, and then show up and speak out about it racism and other forms of injustice.

Brendan’s “other talk” is exactly what young white teens need. As a former teacher, and an award-winning author who’s traveled the country to speak with teens, his honesty and friendly tone will hook his audience. They’ll feel comfortable reading about people and events in history one moment, and then how Brendan made his own mistakes the next. This combination proves how we all can learn from history to then do better.

This is a must-read for every white person, teens and adults. I listened Brendan—really listened—and will continue to do so. Every single day. Only with that constant learning will I be able to “show up and speak out.”
Profile Image for Carli.
1,450 reviews24 followers
October 6, 2021
Thanks to @netgalley and @simonandschuster for the advance Kindle copy of this book, which is out on 9.21.21. All opinions are my own.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5 for this one, which I think fills a gap in the conversation of racism in America for young adults. Kiely reflects on his experiences as a white male in America and how his privilege is inherent in our country and how that differs from the experiences of the Global Majority. He also talks about reckoning with that and how to help take action and stand up to social injustice and racism. I think this belongs on the shelves of all middle and high schools, especially those that are, like mine, predominately white. Foreword is by Jason Reynolds.
Profile Image for Mackenzie Callahan.
178 reviews5 followers
January 23, 2024
So surprised this doesn’t have more ratings/reviews! Such an accessible and important read about racism and white privilege for people of any age. Every white person should 👏 read 👏 this. 👏
Profile Image for Kimberly Pinzon.
Author 6 books8 followers
June 30, 2022
I liked how this was structured as an informal talk (it's a YA novel, which I didn't realize when I picked it up, but wound up enjoying). He doesn't present any new information, but I'm frankly tired of reading about how white people don't have culture, and the repeated speaking out of both sides of the mouth.

It does make for a good jumping off point or discussion starter.
Profile Image for Jolene.
Author 1 book35 followers
November 20, 2021
To be clear, I don't actually know Brendan Kiely. But! A few hours after finishing this audiobook, I did share a virtual stage with him and a bunch of other writers and teachers at the National Council of Teachers of English (NCTE) 2021 conference. So in my heart, we're friends. Our roundtable session, called "An Unwavering Commitment to Equity and Justice," focused on using classroom libraries and choice reading to work toward equity. #RepresentationMatters. #OwnVoicesMatter. #StudentChoiceMattters.

Kiely was our closing speaker, and he talked briefly about The Other Talk, focusing on how he was kind of a shit teenager. He stole from the gas station convenience store and got out of serious speeding tickets. When I was a teenager, I also stole little things from stores and cried to get out of interactions with the police (speeding, underage drinking, smoking a hookah in a park, etc). Like Kiely, I never felt unsafe when interacting with the police; instead, I felt indignant or annoyed.

This book is for the kind of teenager I was.

With that in mind, my primary criticism about The Other Talk is the cover art. It looks so old-school. Like, it makes the book look old-fashioned and uncool. This is a book for young people, but no kid is going to want to pick it up. So really, I recommend it mainly to adults who spend time with teenagers (at school or at home) because its casual tone and relatable analogies and anecdotes are tools you can add to your own toolbox when it comes to having conversations about race and whiteness. For example, Kiley talks about NBA player Kyle Korver and the difference between "guilt" and "responsibility." White people may not be guilty for the creation of white supremacy, but they're still responsible for it. I also like how he talks about the difference between hearing (sensory recognition) and listening (actually taking it in). When the final bell rights at the end of eighth period, you don't only hear a sound; you hear relief and freedom and the next round of that Mario Kart tournament you're playing with your friends. There's a difference between allowing someone to talk and REALLY listening to what they have to say. To sit with discomfort. To recognize that being uncomfortable isn't the same thing as being unsafe. And if you're really ACTIVELY listening, you are taking action

The last thing I'll say is that I've read a lot of books on race, and this kind of work and thinking feels more contentious right now than ever before. On one side, you have those who are afraid that CRT will brainwash children into hating white people. In many places, it's now illegal to teach about systemic racism. Additionally, you have people who do believe in talking and teaching about race but who find someone like Robin DiAngelo, as a white educator who makes money off of consulting about race, problematic. And here we have a white man writing about whiteness and white privilege. Kiley is to Kendi and Reynolds's Stamped the way DiAngelo is to Stamped from the Beginning. Personally, as a white person who teaches in a diverse school, I feel I have a lot to learn from all these sources. There's always more to learn. There's no one-and-done catch-all PD session or book that will check the box of race. So as readers and learners and teachers, we need to accept that the learning is never done and that we need to meet other learners where they are.
Profile Image for Barbara.
14.9k reviews316 followers
January 23, 2022
I'm sorry that this book landed on the bottom of one of my book stacks, which kept me from reading it earlier. All-American Boys by Jason Reynolds and Brendan Kiely is one of my all-time favorite YA books as a reader and as a teacher, and just as Reynolds does with Stamped and the history of racism for a middle grade audience, Kiely tackles racism and white privilege, but with a focus on whites. Readers will feel as though they are engaged in a conversation with this author, and while he sprinkles in statistics with his talking points to make his case, he also shares stories from his own life and his own growing awareness of his own privilege due to being white. Kiely is keenly aware that most Black youngsters have received advice from their parents about how to navigate a racist world, but interestingly, that isn't the case for white youngsters. Why? Because they don't necessary have to since they won't be faced with the same challenges. Still, Kiely maintains that such conversations are necessary and could lead to change so that we all can do better. Kiely makes a strong case for having that other talk and shares many of the mistakes he himself has made along the way. From incarceration rates to immigration policies to what sorts of stories and authors are published, the book skips confidently through all sorts of examples of white privilege and even notes an exercise purporting to help participants realize that the playing field isn't level and yet one that completely ignored indigenous peoples, an example that demonstrates how easy it is to marginalize someone even with the best intentions in mind. There is much to consider and digest here, making this book one that a family might consider reading and discussing together, but it also could be an important text for high schools, communities, and even teacher education programs. I haven't heard much buzz about this book, but there definitely should be. It's that important.
Profile Image for Stephanie Bange.
2,061 reviews23 followers
March 12, 2022
One of the few advice/NF books I have ever read cover to cover in one sitting.

Kiely unpacks examples of his experiences with white privilege, how it intersected/compares with racism often experienced by the "Global Majority" (his term), and how it affects him today. It opens with an introduction by his friend Jason Reynolds and closes with an author's note, endnotes by chapter, and a bibliography he titles "Some People I Listened to and Learned From Who Influenced the Writing of This Book".

With a casual tone, Kiely writes like he speaks. (I have heard snippets of several experiences included in the book as part of presentations to teens and adults who work with teens.) He is candid and upfront, trustworthy, practicing what he preaches. His language makes it real and relatable, as if it is your BFF giving you sage advice. The parallels he draws between himself and his examples are on-target. He backs up many assertions with statistics, facts, examples, and lists for further investigation.

Pair this with Stamped: Racism, Antiracism, and You by Jason Reynolds and
Ibram X. Kendi (Little Brown Books, c2020) for an enlightened discussion of racism, white privilege, and how to move beyond this. Both of these titles are available in audiobook version, read by the authors. What better way to start the conversation for everyone than hearing from these two best friends? As Kiely suggests, "Listen. Be ready to be moved, learn, and be the change."

Highly Recommended for grades 6-up

Profile Image for Caleb Lagerwey.
158 reviews17 followers
November 29, 2021
This book is a fast-paced, lively introduction to racism and white privilege written for young adults.; the content and occasional language makes this applicable to an upper-middle or high school audience, and the writing style definitely will appeal to that target audience. The book is an excellent balance of personal anecdotes, historical stories, and important facts. All of the content is accurate and balanced: the writer does not assume a partisan agenda and goes out of his way to differentiate between responsibility and guilt/blame--thus taking the teeth out of some anti-CRT critics. Thus, while challenging, this book is not needlessly provocative and instead provides a necessary education for students who are as yet unaware of their racial context and of their potential roles within that system.
Profile Image for Edie.
490 reviews13 followers
December 17, 2021
a must read for all white families who want to learn how to deal with racism and the benefits that they receive just because of their skin color. There are numerous examples, many from the author's own experiences of how being white gives you a "pass" in difficult times, be it from police officers or teachers or almost anyone in authority. There are also numerous references to real situations involving people who have been victimized because they belong to the "Greater Majority" as well as reminders of the contributions that people of this Greater Majority have made and often been overlooked. Not preachy, but a call to activism, be it first just to listen and then to act in whatever way you can.
Profile Image for Shannon.
1,867 reviews
November 22, 2021
This book was read by the author and was so well done. It’s written for young adults and I felt like the author hit the tone just right for that age group.

The author is white and does a great job of sharing information white people need in a way that is alongside, not top down. He doesn’t presume to have all the answers but I feel like he understands and has experienced some of the things his readers will wonder about and bring to this conversation.

I liked the educational value, the emotionally honest approach and the call to action.

If you have a 10-18 year old, I suggest listening to this book together. If you work with students in this age group, this book has relevant resources and might be a great classroom read.
Profile Image for bjneary.
2,673 reviews155 followers
January 28, 2022
This is a very relatable honest read from an awesome YA author who is very close friends with Jason Reynolds, another awesome YA author. I think this book should be read by students, teachers, and everyone else. Brendan uses personal stories about him as well as history and present day to reach out to readers about understanding racism while being white. He writes with humor and honesty, many many facts & figures and challenges white readers to listen and believe when they listen to those of color. This is a complicated, necessary book and will make readers uncomfortable but also give them to tools and voice to understand racism. Highly recommended.
Profile Image for Whitney.
790 reviews25 followers
July 16, 2022
I really loved this one. I've ready quite a few books on this topic, but this one is my favorite. I know a lot of people don't think white privilege is real, but I do. This book doesn't tell you to feel guilty about it, but it does tell you how to use it for the good without being a white savior. It's written for teens, so the tone is for teens. As much as I loved this, though, I'm terrified of adding it to my classroom for the backlash I'll probably get from the community.
Profile Image for Lindsay Coppens.
372 reviews22 followers
February 5, 2022
A great book for teenagers, especially white teenagers (heck, adults, too), who want to learn more about racism, white privilege, and what they can do to make a difference (the first steps are to learn and listen, listen, listen). Kiley’s tone is like a casual, well-informed conversation. It’s engaging and accessible.
Profile Image for Enthusiastic Reader.
373 reviews9 followers
July 26, 2022
A great starting place for teens and young adults. I think even a confident middle-grade reader would be able to handle this. It's clear and conversational. The length isn't intimidating. It touches on a LOT of information; doesn't overwhelm the reader with details and examples, but definitely makes it clear that there is SO. MUCH. MORE out there, which I really appreciated.
Profile Image for Samantha.
2,887 reviews9 followers
January 5, 2022
I thought this was excellent. It didn't really go over anything I didn't already personally know, but I read a lot of this stuff. I think it works really well for people who DON'T necessarily think about this stuff all the time, or are interested but don't know where to start.
Profile Image for Kim.
223 reviews
January 16, 2022
White people, this one’s for us.
Profile Image for Jennifer Ingle.
258 reviews1 follower
September 22, 2022
All about white privilege and white supremacy and how white Americans can fight for racial justice. The most important thing Kiely suggests we do is listen to people of the global majority. This would be a great book for educators and parents to share with white youth. It would be awesome if there were a companion discussion guide and questions for self-reflection (maybe there are, and I’m just not aware).
1 review
November 17, 2023
This might be one of the worst books I've ever read, which makes it that hilarious that it's rated so highly on Goodreads even after you ignore the people who got it for free, which is more than one of the five stars.

Statistics? Facts? I don't know what these people were imbibing, but I want some of it. Aside from his "evidence" either being outright lies or missing so much context that he might as well have lied instead, not even his stories are believable - nor do they make much sense.

In addition to that, Brendan spends his entire "anti-racist" book being a disgusting racist himself. He divides humanity into two groups. On one side you have the blacks, browns, (which he incorrectly capitalizes) and everyone who makes up the glorious Global Majority master race. On the other side, you have the dirty, subhuman whites (never capitalized, as they are obviously inferior). This theme is present throughout the book, and he will remind you of how subhuman white people are, and how morally superior and intellectually equal (LOL) everyone else is several times per chapter.

I could write a novel myself if I went through this piece of trash line by line, so instead I'll simply stick to his opening "story" and two examples of "evidence" and "facts" that he uses, one of which being an outright lie and the other being devoid of context to the point that it might as well be.

To begin with, lets start with Brendan's first "story." He talks about a black child who got shot for playing music too loud, and a white child who wasn't punished at all for stealing. The not-so-much implication as all but outright stated reality is that the black child was shot for being black, while the white child wasn't punished for theft because he was white. However, anyone capable of critical thought -no one who gave him 5 stars- will quickly realize what the actual reality is.

A quick internet search will show you the story he is talking about for the black child was a real murder that happened in Florida. In it, a man shot a teenager (not a child) for arguing with him and playing music too loud - and allegedly because he had a gun. Reading up on the case, it's clear that race was not involved at all. Which means the black teen wasn't shot for being black, he was shot because he argued with an grown man who happened to be both insane and armed.

For the white child (who is the author - so Kiely is not just a racist, he's a thief too, what a great person to get moralizing sermons from), you will quickly realize what it is he never mentioned: not once was he ever CAUGHT stealing. So he didn't go unpunished because he was white, he went unpunished because his crime was never detected, whether that's because it's very easy to conceal a single small drink inside of a large coat or because convenience store employees paid minimum wage don't care when you shoplift a single item worth $1 I'll leave up to you.

His stories only get stupider from there, and as I said if I had to go through every falsehood this review would be novel length. So let us move on to two examples of his "facts."

The first one is an example of one lacking context to the point that he should have just lied like he does in most of his book. In it, he says that black people are disproportionately imprisoned - 39% to their 13% of the population. This is very true. But you know what else is true? The fact that blacks commit over 50% of all homicides, over 50% of all robberies, and over 30% of all violent crimes - also despite being 13% of the population.

The second one is an outright falsehood. I'm also bringing this up because I've seen a lot of self-hating leftists parrot it, as it's rather widespread despite being hilariously easy to disprove. Kiely states that there is more variation within races than there is between them. He states this is true and based on "actual science and genetics." His words, not mine. I suppose that latter statement is true - insofar as it was based on bad science involving genetics that was published nearly 50 years ago, and disproven over 20 years ago. The -actual- truth of the matter is that you can determine race with 100% accuracy, and it is a biological fact.

If I could give this book negative stars, I would. Only White people who hate themselves could ever view this book and the racist who wrote it with anything other than complete disgust.
Profile Image for Kim.
1,604 reviews35 followers
August 4, 2021
If you’ve seen Brendan Kiely around teens, you know how genuine and personable he is. He connects with young people because he doesn’t talk down to them, because he’s interested in what they have to say. This book has that same genuineness, that same engaging tone. You can imagine him having these conversations with a room full of kids.

He acknowledges that there are challenges to writing a book about racism as a white person, and underscores the fact that he is not the authority here and that he is still learning, too. He manages to center the conversations not on himself, but on others who have been dealing with the repercussions of white privilege and leading the way. For example, early on, he explains why he’s chosen not to use the term “people of color” or BIPOC: Tiffany Jewell’s This Book Is Anti-Racist points out that the term “the Global Majority” better honors all of those who do not identify as white.

Kiely provides eye-opening statistics about how pervasive and institutionalized racism is in our country. He hits a good balance in providing background and context without overwhelming his audience. And he distinguishes between blame and responsibility: are we as individual white people to blame for the state of things today? No. Are we responsible for being part of the solution, for working in solidarity with others to dismantle racism? Yes.

His biggest message? That white people need to listen. That we have to step back from our defensiveness, from already “knowing,” from saying “yeah, but it’s better than it used to be,” from rushing in to save the day, from making it about us. We have to listen and absorb and sit in our discomfort. And listen some more. And some more. And WHEN we’re ready to stand up and speak out, “We need to do it and do it and do it again. Practice makes habit. And the courage we practice today forms the bedrock of courage we will need for tomorrow.”

Kiely has given white teens (and adults) an excellent roadmap. His resource list at the end (“Some people I listened to and learned from who influenced the writing of this book”) is also top notch.

Thanks to Simon & Schuster and Edelweiss for the electronic arc.
Profile Image for Becky Linderholm.
75 reviews1 follower
December 24, 2022
This was a great read. It's aimed at probably junior high and up, and Brendan included a few swears for emphasis. He did a great job sharing stories that help illustrate and clarify his messages. I also appreciate that he included many examples of his own missteps along his journey of living his anti-racist, anti-oppression values. I was so glad to see that he didn't JUST speak to race as Black and White, but was intentional about including Latinx, Asian, Indigenous, and other people of the global majority as well as LGBTQIA+ people, and those marginalized due to their religious beliefs. Finally, I listened to the audiobook, which the author read himself. He had such a comfortable, conversational tone as he read that I think listeners will appreciate.

I will highly recommend this book along with my longtime favorite - Ijeoma Oluo's So You Want to Talk About Race to white folks looking to learn more and support equity and social justice.
Profile Image for Anne Bennett.
1,815 reviews
January 22, 2022
This book is so helpful to advance the conversation that every household should be having this holiday season -- about racism and white privilege -- that is the other 'talk' that needs to happen. Not only should black parents talk to their children about racism, but so should all parents talk about the damage racism is doing to our society.

This book did not cause me to have a knee-jerk reaction, one of defensiveness. It rather made me stop and think and determine how and why I need to proceed forward differently. I hope that this book is widely read by teens and others.

My review: https://headfullofbooks.blogspot.com/...
Profile Image for Lisa.
Author 1 book23 followers
August 9, 2021
Kiely provides an exceptional roadmap for white people. He does not claim to be an authority, but is still learning himself. He tackles stepping up vs. stepping back, listening and sitting with discomfort, guilt vs. responsibility, and more. This is a must read for white folks everywhere, especially teachers, librarians, parents/guardians, and teens. Start small and watch the seeds grow!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 130 reviews

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