No one will tell you this but me

by Bess Kalb

A funny, warm, and brilliantly original memoir in which a grandmother speaks to her granddaughter from beyond the grave, telling, with candor and irresistible humor, stories from both their lives--of kinship, loyalty, tenacity, and love.Bess Kalb--whip-smart, Twitter-famous TV comedy writer and regular New Yorker "Daily Shouts" columnist--has saved every voicemail message her grandmother, Bobby Bell, ever left her. The two were best friends and confidantes. Bobby doted on her granddaughter; Bess adored Bobby. In 2017, nearly ninety, Bobby died.In this moving, wildly imaginative memoir, Bobby Bell is still speaking to Bess, her inimitable voice in Bess's head, bristling with the loving friction between one headstrong woman and the granddaughter who grew up to be an equal force of nature. Bobby gives Bess critical advice (on career and romance; lipstick and hair). And she relates the history that made her who she is, beginning with her mother's escape from the pogroms of Belarus in the 1880s to the cramped Brooklyn apartment where Bobby was born; and Bobby's own marriage to a successful businessman, which made possible the educations that helped her children and grandchildren flourish.But from the time Bess was born, Bobby bestowed a unique flavor of love upon her tea at the Plaza; new dresses at Bloomingdales; and above all, her nobody-will-tell-you-this-but-me truths, full of devotion and well meaning, even when they hurt.This unusual love story celebrates the very special bond that can skip a generation and hold iron-clad. Told through documents, photographs, and verbatim dialogues between two remarkable women, it is an unforgettable account of survival and family; of women's lives across different generations; of gratitude and grief--all rolled into one hilarious, poetic, page-turning book.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Biography, Book Club, Biography Memoir, Humor

Unknown Binding

First published March 17, 2020

About the author

Bess Kalb is an Emmy Award-nominated writer for the Jimmy Kimmel Live! television show and journalist with The New Yorker magazine. She is the author of the best-selling book, Nobody Will Tell You This But Me: A True (As Told to Me) Story, which recounts the life of her grandmother, Bobby Bell.

Reviews

[JanB · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a short listen filled with advice from the author’s glamorous and unintentionally hilarious grandmother. She pulled no punches as she bluntly (but always with love) dispensed her unsolicited advice on beauty, Bess’s boyfriends, fashion, and life in general. In turn poignant and hysterical, I found myself often laughing out loud, then choking up on the next page.

Unique in that the memoir is written from the point of view of her now deceased grandmother, this an oral history of the love and affection they had for each other. They simply adored each other. This is a lovely love letter to her grandmother and a tribute to the history of four generations of women in the family. I listened to the audiobook, which I highly recommend.

Bess Kalb is the Emmy-nominated writer for Jimmy Kimmel Live. I don’t remember who recommended this book, but I’m so grateful.

Now I'm off to find a Jewish grandmother to adopt me, ha!

[Elyse Walters · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Bubbeleh, let me tell you about when I was your age”.

Author Bess Kalb channels the voice of her bubbe throughout this charming novel.

“Grandma, (Bobby Bell), talked about herself as a little girl in a town called Pinsk in Belarus. It was the 1880’s, after the first pogrom, when the tsar sent his marauders into the shtetls to drag Jewish patriarchs our of their homes and shoot them in the streets, while their neighbors cowered with their Gaza’s lamps off, awaiting the safe fate. she told me how after they killed the fathers, they’d arrested the sons on made up charges and sent them to march in the front lines of the tsar’s army. Cannon fodder. Then they’d raped the daughters and left the mothers beaten and babbling and afraid of the night, waiting for the clomping of the horses’ hooves I can’t stop the cobblestones again”.
“That’s how it was and that’s how it is, and that’s how it always was, that’s how
it always will be, Barbara, she said. Every hundred years they find a new reason to hunt the Jews”.

Bessie, a nice Jewish girl, was dating a guy she met at Brown University. Charlie ‘wasn’t Jewish.
He was a goyium.
Grandma would prefer her granddaughter marry a Jew- not a Christian whose family sent him to a boarding school high school.
But..... since the Brown University boyfriend majored in business - Grandma gave her blessings.

“Phone Call, 2009
GRANDDAUGHTER:
Grandma, I’m going to Maine for Christmas to meet Charlie’s family.
GRANDMOTHER: To Maine?
That’s where he grew up.

I thought you said he went to boarding school.
Right. Yes. But his family lives in Maine.
Well, they kicked him out.
They didn’t kick him out! It’s just how they do things. His whole family went to that boarding school.

Mm-hmmm.
What?!

In this family, we don’t send our children away.
It wasn’t like that at all!

Bessie?
What, Grandma?

You will not send your children there no matter what Charlie says. There are plenty of good schools where you don’t have to abandon your child.
Grandma, we’ve only been dating for three months.

I know.
We don’t even live together.

You will.
I don’t know that.

I do.
Oh really? How do you know?

Because it’s the middle of December and you’re going to Maine”.


Another funny?
“People didn’t talk about their journey, Bessie. There wasn’t any ‘sharing’ between parents and their children”.


Voice Mail, April 3, 2011
“Bessie, if you ever finally find a lipstick that actually, certifiably looks good on you, buy twenty of them. If it gets discontinued— and it always does— you’ll never forgive yourself. Ever. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
[BEAT] Do they have a Bloomingdale’s in San Francisco? Is it very small?”


July 2012
GRANDDAUGHTER: Bessie, you sound like you’re crying. Oh my god—
“No, it’s good. I got it. I got the job. The Jimmy Kimmel job”.
WOW.... I had no idea who Bess Kalb - (a writer for the Jimmy Kimmel show), was, until I read the above quote.

This book is ADORABLE. funny, warm, touching, bittersweet, filled with past stories that grandma shared with her granddaughter, Bessie.

It’s written with so much love & charm, I could hardly stand it!!!!

“Nobody Will Tell You This But Me”, takes about two hours tops to read ( longer if you read the funnies to your ‘go-shelter’ guy- as I did to Paul)

Grandma Bobby, and Bessie are two easy people to love.

A wonderful family memoir!

Happy Easter and/ or Passover to those who celebrate.

This book allowed me to feel connected with my Jewish roots —while self-separating from family and friends.
Plus....
it felt so good to ‘laugh’.

[Holly · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is non-fiction, but it's written from the (fictional) point of view of the author's dead grandmother. Yeah, I had a hard time understanding that too. Why did the author write it this way? I really can't say. Maybe she felt uncomfortable putting her own emotions and thoughts into their shared history? Maybe she felt a book written from her grandmother's point of view does a better job of telling who her grandmother was? I don't know.

The grandmother seemed like a lovely person, but I am not sure there were any great insights or takeaways for the complete strangers who are reading this. Except maybe her grandmother's advice that if you find a lipstick shade that suits you to go ahead and buy a lot of it because eventually they will stop making it. That's solid advice.

[Heather Adores Books · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75⭐️

I haven’t a clue who these people are, but it was a nice trip down their memory lane. Made me think about my Grandma that I lost just before she turned 90 💕

It was a quick listen at 4 hours and 21 minutes and narrated by the author.

Follow me here ➡ Blog ~ Facebook

[Youlia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in one sitting, something I haven't done in years. I finished just before 2am but I don't have any chocolate babka so I'll have to settle for some cookies instead. Thank you Bess for sharing this story.

[Carol]

Nobody Will Tell You This But Me (A True As Told To Me) Story is the perfect book for anyone who yearns to have even one more conversation with a loved grandmother who has passed away. Bess Kalb's Grandmother may not, actually, probably is not, your Grandmother, but this creative memoir narrated in conversations with her deceased Grandma, Bobbi Bell, took me on a journey of memories both humorous and poignant. I laughed, I cried, I hugged this gem of a book.

To my Nona; I love you, I love you, I love you, always.

[Brenda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nobody Will Tell You This But Me is a sweet, poignant and funny memoir by Bess Kalb of the like I’ve never read before. It comprises emails, voice mails, memories, photographs and a deep, enduring love from Bess’ grandmother, Bobby Bell, to Bess. From the moment Bess was born, her grandma was her champion – she may not have succeeded with Bess’ mother, but heart for heart, grandma and granddaughter loved each other, and when in 2017, Bess’ grandma died, everyone, including Bess’ grandpa, were shattered.

The bond between grandmother and granddaughter was profound; Bobby’s voice was pragmatic, bossy, critical – but forever loving. A book filled with humour, history as we learn Bobby’s roots, and uniqueness, Nobody Will Tell You This But Me is a moving memoir that I recommend.

With thanks to Hachette AU for my ARC to read in exchange for an honest review.

[Ginger · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much I can barely talk about it. I don’t think it’s the BEST book I’ve read so far this year, but I think it’s my favorite book I’ve read so far this year.

I almost NEVER reread, let alone within the same year, let alone within a month of each other, but I just wanted to live in Bess and Bobby's world some more, so I immediately checked out the audio and read it again.

[CarolineFromConcord · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you've already read or read about this tale of the deep and loving bond between author Bess Kalb and her maternal grandmother, Barbara (Bobby), you may think my take on it is odd. But I couldn't shake my distress about Bobby's relationship with the author's mother, Robin, especially in Robin's younger years, so I want to talk about this book differently.

In a second-person narrative, Bess Kalb channels grandmother Bobby telling the story of her New York family and the late-in-life bond that, though loving, sometimes borders on the grotesque. This is Bobby's version of a history as understood by Bess.

My version: This is the story of what happens when a teenage girl (Bess's great-grandmother Rose) emigrates alone in dangerous circumstances to escape the pogroms in Belarus and has a daughter after the youngest of her four boys are already in their teens. This is one child too many for Rose. Her family is poor, life is hard, and Rose basically fobs off the naming and raising of Barbara to her young twin boys who have a high old time with the project but aren't exactly mothers.

When Bobby is grown and gives birth to a daughter, Robin, she admits to having no motherly feeling for her daughter. She says that she doesn't mean to excuse herself when she states that at the time, as a formerly lively and intellectual young woman with a future, she was relegated to a mansion in Nowheresville with a bunch of kids and no friends, and she just couldn't hack the mother routine. In my view, if you state that, then you are indeed trying to excuse yourself.

As the story progressed, I did note that in spite of Bobby's coldness and tendency to blame Robin for everything wrong with their relationship (as if an infant launches into colic deliberately because she's hostile to her mother), Robin nevertheless phoned her mother for help whenever she was in trouble. So I realized it couldn't have been all bad. And that relationship gets much better after the birth of Bess, when the bond with a granddaughter hits Bobby like lightning.

I enjoyed the humor in this story -- after all, Bess is a successful comedy writer -- and I was sometimes moved. But I was in a state of anxiety throughout, and am glad it's over.

[Beth · Rating 3 out of 5]

This ARC arrived at the book store I work at and I am not usually a memoir reader but this one looked short so I went for it. I had no idea who the author was. It is basically a love letter from granddaughter to grandmother. Of course I thought of my own grandmother while reading this, except we didn't go to Martha's vineyard or stay at the Ritz, but their story is still funny and sweet. What's not to love about a Jewish grandmother telling you how to live your life? I definitely cried at the end.

"When the earth is cracking behind your feet and it feels like the whole world is going to swallow you up, you put one foot in front of the other and you keep going."

[Jodi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Goodreads Giveaway win - I wasn't sure I could read this, right away, as it came just days after my big sister died (my rock, when our Mother passed away 27 years ago, and my "second mom" since she was 15 yrs older than me). However, I read the author blurbs on the back and decided to try...I laughed, I cried, and then I laughed some more (and cried again). Ms. Kalb has written a lovely, and loving, story of a FAMILY, and of bonds of love that will never be broken. It was just what I needed to read, and, one day, I will pass it on to my niece and other sister, when their grief is less raw and immediate. In the meantime, I THANK you, Ms. Kalb, for this glimpse of the love and laughter and legacy you shared with your beloved Grandma - you have given me a blessing, in this little book.

[Deacon Tom (Feeling Better) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic Book

I picked up this book and I wasn’t sure exactly what I was getting into. It had received a number of major awards.

And after reading it I totally agree that this book is worth it. History of grandmother spoken in her grandmother verbiage. I loved it

[Lily · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not much of a memoir reader, because let's be real here: Most people really don't need to write memoirs, and if they have a case for doing so, they're often terribly crafted. I'm even more terrified of reading memoirs by writers I greatly admire because of said aversion to the genre.

Luckily, every rule has its exceptions, and Bess Kalb's Nobody Will Tell You This But Me is absolutely in that camp. It's a timeless reflection on four generations of women (her great-grandma, grandma, mother, and herself) as told through the voices of her grandma, who passed away several years ago.

This memoir made me reflect lovingly on my own late grandmother (who had more than a few things in common with Grandma Bobby), and from a reading perspective, much of how this book unfolded gave me serious Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo vibes, both in terms of the writing style and the content. Kalb's grandma was a helluva woman and glamorous AF.

Also, if the ending doesn't make you cry at least a little bit, you need to get your head checked. It was flawlessly written.

[Jessie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Honestly, maybe it's the current pandemic climate, but it was just hard to find Bess's grandmother as nuanced as the press tour sells her to be, given that the book presents her defining characteristic as some kind of wealthy ornamental tone-deafness. Most of the jokes and stories boil down to NYC gilding—the plaza hotel, westchester, ivy leagues, shopping, paid help, suburban malaise. As a grandchild of Eastern European Jewish immigrants who made their way from Ukraine to Brooklyn, I just thought there would be more to this memoir than I was left with. It felt empty and unready to be published as a stand-alone book.

[Liv Constantine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this heartwarming story so much. Alternatetd between laughing and crying and fell in love with her grandmother.

[Michelle Abramson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this, really. However, the style made it seem like a writing exercise to help the author get over the loss of her 90 year old grandmother.

[Christine (Queen of Books)]

I honestly don't know if this is a good book or if I just really, really miss my own grandma.

[Diamond Cowboy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book.The author reaccounts things her Grandmother told her. She also reaccounts four strong women's lives in her own life which helped to shape her. This was read by the author so it was really fun to listen to.

[Cameron · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a fun, funny, moving story. A novel about 4 generations of women in America, but centered around the relationship between the youngest (Bess) and her grandmother. It was such a pleasure to read and I never, not even once, I don't care what photographic evidence you have, cried on the subway because of it. It could often pass muster as an easy late night comedy monologue, and I thought it would fit in nicely beside a lot of Philip Roth's novels. Recommended for everyone.

[Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Phew this one resonated with me. I had a very intense (and similar) relationship with my grandmother, who I also lost unexpectedly. This could have been written about us.

[Lynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

An absolutely charming book about the author’s grandmother, Barbara “Bobby” Kalb. The book is a dialogue between Grandma Bobby and Bess, as Bobby dispenses wisdom and love to her granddaughter, sometimes from the grave.
Bobby also tells the history of their family, speaks lovingly of her husband and despairs about her relationship with her own daughter, Bess’ mother. The book includes photos from Bobby’s life, which endear her even more to the reader.

Bobby has so many pearls of wisdom, but her most important one is this:
“No matter what happens, keep walking. My zayde always said that if the earth is cracking behind you right up to your heels, you put one foot in front of the other. You keep going. Nothing is as important as moving forward.”

Words to live by.

Everyone should have a Grandma Bobby in their life. Head cheerleader, hand holder, fierce protector of those she loves, not afraid to tell you the truth.

Bobby Kalb died at age 90. May her memory be a blessing.

[Susan (aka Just My Op) · Rating 3 out of 5]

This memoir about Bess Kalb's relationship with her grandmother must have felt like catharsis to her, but it didn't do much for me. It was mildly entertaining, and her grandmother was a force to be reckoned with – outspoken, opinionated, and loving in an often tough-love kind of way. I listened to the audio version, narrated by the author, and it was nice to hear the words in her voice. Still, this book just didn't leave much of an impact on me.

[Holly R W · Rating 4 out of 5]

Little did I know as I began this book that it would make me miss my own grandmother so much. The story is the author's tribute to her larger than life grandmother (Bobby) and all of the love that they had for each other. Bobby is vividly drawn. The author has Bobby tell the stories of her life in her own words and voice. For me, it was like sitting with my family during a holiday dinner, listening and laughing at their stories.

Bobby's sharp sense of humor pours through the pages of the book, so in this sense, the book is a comedy. What I did not expect is that the book also made me tear up at times.

[Toni · Rating 4 out of 5]

I hadn’t heard of Bess Kalb when I chose to read this book, but the topic was so appealing. A close and loving relationship between a grandmother and granddaughter has a universal interest. The voices of four generations of women are heard in this book, but the star is Bess’s grandmother, Bobby Bell. A strong, glamorous, New Yorker who adored Bess as much as Bess adored Bobby.
The story begins with Bobby telling the story of her mother leaving Belarus to escape the pogroms and come to America in the late 1880’s. Bobby’s life and work with her husband in New York, and briefly touches on Bess’s mother during the 1970’s. When Bess is born Bobby is in love with the child and the bond is formed.
Their story is told with humor and love. Bess has saved all the voicemails her grandmother has left her. Good advice, straight to the point, with that New York sarcasm and wit that I love. As the old saying goes; you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, but you’ll enjoy reading this book.
I highly recommend it.

Thank you NetGalley, Knopf Doubleday Publishing, and Bess Kalb

[Jaclyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

A heart expanding and charming rumination on the love and life advice of a beloved grandmother. I wept, I laughed, I felt deep pangs for the loss of my own nonnas. This book is glorious and is in wonderful conversation with another book about mothers and grandmothers –Nadja Spiegelman’s I Was Supposed to Protect You From All This. It’s deeply moving and beautiful. #nobodywilltellyouthisbutme #besskalb @hachetteaus

[Claire Gibson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this book. It will lift you up and make you laugh and make you wish you could (or make you follow through with) calling your grandmother. What a joy to enter into Bess and Bobby’s relationship. Read this book in 2 days.

[Elizabeth Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unapologetic. A beautiful connection drawn over stories and funny conversations about four generations of bold women in a family

[Katy O. · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an absolutely gorgeous and precious book ❤️ And it is especially gorgeous and precious on audio. It’s a love letter to mothers and daughters and grandmothers and granddaughters. It’s an ode to the importance of family history and being nurtured by the one who knows us best. But also allowing ourselves to be loved by imperfect people and loving back despite the imperfections. And yes I cried. I wish I could listen to it all over again for the first time.

[Lisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wasn't impressed with this book. Basically it's a story of a Grandma told to the Granddaughter by the Grandma. The Grandma happens to be Jewish and is the stero typical Jewish Grandma. Very loving but very possessive. I really felt I wasted my time reading this book, nothing learnt, nothing gained.

[Talia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really loved this, and I think it was especially good to read right now. It was so well done and engaging, and I really felt like I got to know everyone in all of their complexity. Highly recommend!