Rethink Your Self: The Power of Looking Up Before Looking In

by Trevin K. Wax

Follow your heart. You do you. You are enough. We take these slogans for granted, but what if this path to personal happiness leads to a dead-end? In Rethink Your Self, Trevin Wax encourages you to rethink some of our society’s most common assumptions about identity and the road to happiness. Most people define their identity and purpose by first looking in (to their desires), then looking around (to express their uniqueness), and finally—maybe—looking up (to add a spiritual dimension to life). Rethink Your Self proposes a counter-intuitive looking up before looking in.  It's only when we look up to learn who we were created to be that we discover our true purpose and become our truest selves.  

Genres: Christian, Christian Living, Theology, Christian Non Fiction, Faith, Nonfiction, Inspirational

224 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 20, 2020

About the author

Trevin Wax is the Bible and Reference Publisher for LifeWay Christian Resources. A former missionary to Romania, Trevin hosts a blog at The Gospel Coalition and regularly contributes to The Washington Post, Religion News Service, World, and Christianity Today, which named him one of thirty-three millennials shaping the next generation of evangelicals. His previous books include Counterfeit Gospels, Clear Winter Nights, and Gospel-Centered Teaching. He and his wife Corina have three children.

Reviews

[Matt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a valuable book for our cultural moment, marked by Trevin’s characteristically penetrating insight and engaging style. Pre-order it now!

[Jason Williamson · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good intro to the effects, positive and negative, of expressive individualism. Trevin explains how looking into ourselves, around at others, and then finally up at God, leads us down a pathway to disappointment and frustration in trying to “be our truest self”. We must first look up to God, see who He has made us, then look around to others in community who can point us to Him, and finally look into replacing selfish habits with those that help us to look more like Christ in order to be most fully ourselves and most like what God created us to be, mirrors for His glory.

[Ivan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can’t think of a more timely book that at once counteracts today’s “be true to yourself” message and shows the beauty of denying self and following Jesus.

[Joel Kersey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book explains the Christian worldview without using Christianese terms to do it. I like this book because I can recommend it to people from various backgrounds and I believe they would understand it clearly and not get lost in religious lingo that doesn't make sense to someone unfamiliar with Christian terms.

The most valuable section for a Christian was the last few chapters as the author reminds the believer of our identity in Christ and how that helps us to go from rethinking ourselves to actually living a life in pursuit of our Savior. Very good reminders for all believers.

[John · Rating 5 out of 5]

In "Rethink Your Self," Trevin Wax confronts the way that the contemporary Western world tells us we form our identity.

The world tells us that the way to find our true selves is to do so by looking inward. In fact, a survey shows that 91% of Americans agree with the statement, "The best way to find yourself is by looking within yourself." In other words, "You define yourself, pursue your desires, put yourself on display for others to see, and then occasionally, when necessary, design a new you as you move through life."

There are all sorts of problems with this way of thinking, not the least of which is that "the whole project depends on you." Not to mention that "Our desires don't always align." Wax asks, "Do desires define who you are, or do they reveal who you are?"

Instead of looking inward, the Bible tells us that we are to look upward to find our identity. "What if the freedom we think we experience in defining ourselves is actually another kind of slavery?" Wax asks. Our loving Creator, who gave his Son for us knows who we are and invites us to know who we are as we look to him.

Wax navigates how the story of Jesus tells us who we are and invites us into a new kind of freedom: the freedom of losing ourselves in order to find ourselves. "God your Father defines you as his adopted child, someone who is set apart from the rest of the world, someone who--as part of the community of faith--puts on display his goodness and glory. The fundamental reality that sets you apart is not something you find deep within your soul, but someone you know and love because he first loved you."

Wax concludes by offering practices where we can grow in understanding who we are in Christ.

Wax's book is simple but powerful and such a timely word for our culture. I hope many read it.

For more reviews see thebeehive.live.

[Mukesh Gupta · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got a digital review copy of this book via NetGalley. Before i say anything, I would like to share that I am not a Christian. I am spiritually inclined.

I believe that that model that Trevin shares in the book about "Looking up, Looking around and Looking In" is a powerful approach to rethink our lives. The 4D (Definition, Display, Desires and Design) model for rethinking ourselves is also an interesting take on this process.

The author also brings in tales, anecdotes and quotes from the Bible and Christ's life to make his points.

The book is an interesting approach to Rethinking Yourself.

[Elaine · Rating 4 out of 5]

This easy-to-read book helps adjust how we think about ourselves. It looks at how people tend to define themselves, how we handle our desires, how we display ourselves to the world, and what we think we're designed for .We don't often consciously think about ourselves in this way, so it was helpful to look at these aspects of 'discovering ourselves'-do we 'look in' first (define ourselves, listen to our heart), do we 'look around' first (lets others shape who we think we are and how we fit into the community), or do we 'look up' to see who we are meant to be, but seeing how God sees us and shapes us.

After looking at the problems with looking in or looking around first ("Neither you nor others can bear the weight of your quest for happiness. When the community is the starting point, it can become oppressive in its demand for conformity. We seek the approval of others until we forget ourselves in the process. When you as an individual is the starting point, you find it hard not to collapse under the weight of all the expectations for happiness and success that you've placed on yourself....even when get what we thought we wanted, we find fulfillment elusive."), it explains the concept of looking up to God first to find our place in the world, to discover how we should live, and to define who we are. Rather than being self-focused or seeking approval from others, it's focused on who God made us to be first, before looking at how we are to relate to others and how we are to understand ourselves.

Since this explains the foundations of a Christianity in pretty simple terms, this would be great for a new Christian, or someone who is exploring what Christianity is about. Yet it's also helpful for those who've been Christians a long time, because our culture is constantly telling us to 'look within yourself' or 'follow your heart', (or often the converse, but more subtly: 'don't stand out', 'make yourself attractive to others'), so it's so easy to get trapped in that thinking, so this is helpful as a reminder that we can't find our happiness by looking in to ourselves, nor to others.

[Ryan Rench · Rating 5 out of 5]

Surprisingly excellent. I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe the cover made it seem like it would be an academic study, but it was a wonderful little study on the deceitfulness of the idol of SELF.

There was a good balance of history and philosophy to give some outside perspective, but it was thoroughly biblical and something I will be using as a series for our young adults class. It hits home RIGHT where they are living, and I think the younger generation has SELF-FOCUSED mentalities without even realizing it. This book helps expose that in a good way, by inspecting our lives from a spiritual perspective.

Saw it recommended on a Facebook post in 2021 and just now finished it. Thank you @Thomas Osterkamp

[markala · Rating 4 out of 5]

this book was a little difficult to grasp ahold of in the beginning. but boy, oh boy, did it deliver in the end. looking up to live is my new intention.

“…look up first because only God is strong enough to withstand the weight of all our hopes and dreams, fears and anxieties… start with God, and you’ll come into your own by finding your truest self in relation to him. the ‘look up’ approach ro life starts with self-demotion. you’re not at the center of the universe. the bible holds that space for God.”

[Caleb White · Rating 5 out of 5]

I learned about this book after meeting Trevin and I was marked by his insights into the cultural narratives we hear all around (for those living in the US in particular). So I wanted to read this to dig a little deeper. He has done an excellent job describing the different pitfalls of having the wrong starting point in the search for identity and purpose. It’s worth the read and it is quite accessible.

[Kristan · Rating 1 out of 5]

I tried to like this because I really like Trevin Wax but I just couldn’t even finish it. It was too repetitive without saying anything deep or meaningful

[Allison Docter · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good message, poor execution

[Samuel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was very easy to read, but has extensive ramifications for living a life in today's me-first culture. The insights Trevin discusses are so simple, yet so profound. If you are a Christian who is into self-help at all, this book is for you.

[Mart Martin · Rating 3 out of 5]

For someone at the beginning (or restart) of their Christian journey, this could be a helpful book. For those further down the path, the premise of the book (look up instead of first looking in) is a good reminder.

[Marcelo Gonzalez · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first 30% of the books is a nice examination of the dangers of looking only "in" and only "around" for our sense of self and then falls into recycled platitudes that mark the Christian genre.

The main argument of the book is that looking "in" (the colloquial "being true to yourself") and "around" (finding value in being a part of the whole of society) for your sense of purpose are not viable options as looking "up" first toward God is the only way to find that true self.

Looking "in" and "around" are presented as subjective and prone to the whims of your self and society. And he rightfully claims they cannot be mutually exclusive. What "self" has ever been untethered to the growth experienced from birth into society? What society has ever been unaffected by the impact of individuals and their motivations, desires, and beliefs?

However, Wax heavily implies the objectivity of "looking up", as if the universal truth of God could also somehow be unmarred by the "in" and "around" every human experiences before they come to a sense of God and "looking up." Even accounting only for Christians who believe in the infallibility of the Bible, there are more perceptions of God than there are denominations. What evidence is there that "looking up" can be anymore objective or unfixed from looking "in" and "around"?

If our best place to find the truth that comes from "looking up" is The Bible, we are at the whims of the translators of the Bible who chose what meaning to imbue before our own births; we are at the whims of the pastors who have steadily flowed doctrine into us; or the books we've read that either reinforced or demolished the structures of the Kingdom of God we've internally built. Who can claim to have read any portion of the Bible that wasn't already influenced by society?

If our best place to find the truth that comes from "looking up" is then direct communication with God, presumably through prayer, what guarantee do we have that our visions and hearings come from God and not our own internal monologue? We cannot to our own perception of God to provide recursive proof. Do we look "around" to that Biblical society for confirmation? And if we did, what then? We take our cues from "looking around" anyway. Or do we trust to our own faith and heart that what we hear in our daily quiet is indeed from god, or rather stated "do we trust looking in to determine the truth of our looking up?"

Thinking that any of these three methods of finding the self is laughable at best. It's an endeavor so impossible for humanity that it does not bear considering, time better being spent on accepting the subjectivity of our species in trying to determine "God", even from the same scriptural starting point, and trying to come to grips with our own fallibility in the matter.

[Panda Incognito · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this book, Trevin Wax explores different philosophies for self-definition, encouraging his readers to reflect on cultural ideas about being "true to yourself" instead of building their lives on culturally absorbed philosophies that they have never thought through. Wax succinctly and clearly describes how expressive individualism has become the foundation of our culture's thought, and points out flaws within this approach to the world. Some of his critique focuses on logical and intellectual elements of this philosophy, but the rest emphasizes emotional elements, such as the loneliness and dissatisfaction that people feel when they cannot live up to their own standards and feel like failures because they can't reach the bar of success in a culture that tells them that they can do and be anything that they want.

Wax briefly contrasts this view of human identity with perspectives from collectivist cultures, and shows how Jesus's wisdom challenges both of these approaches to life. Wax argues that people should look up, then around, and then in when forming their identities, and writes that even though some people adopt religious affiliations as a way to express themselves and as an accessory to their lives, the greatest fulfillment comes through a "redesign" into who God made you to be, instead of using spirituality to prop up your own goals. He shows how Christianity provides a better story in which people can find themselves, and provides practical advice for how people can retrain their self-defining approaches to life.

Wax writes with sensitivity to seekers and skeptics, and this popular-level guide does not require a deep intellectual approach or an existing interest in Christianity. However, even though Rethink Yourself is primarily targeted towards people who have never thought deeply about social messages regarding identity before, it also serves a purpose for people who are already well versed in issues related to individualism, because Wax provides a great example for how people can discuss this topic with others at its most basic levels. Overall, this book is a gracious and clear challenge that encourages people to see beyond their cultural assumptions, set aside an individualistic lens, and consider the message of Christianity from within.

I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

[Ian · Rating 5 out of 5]

The world is hooked on 'self'. We all grapple with it. Everyday. As Wax highlights, so many of the messages we are indoctrinated with encourage us to look inward first to navigate one's life. We in the church have also caught the same bug.

Wax with a gentleness and compassionate leaning highlights the flaws in the industry of 'self'. This isn't just a book for the church; Wax's outlook and tone is one that all people can find this book useful. In essence, Wax spends the first half of the book identifying the flaws in the 'look in' and 'look around' approaches to life (the terms he uses) while challenging readers to adopt a 'look up' approach as an alternative.

The second half of the book then outlines how the 'look up' approach' differs and what new habits are required to transform one's thinking to such an approach in order that we can live a life that God has designed us to live.

It's a striking piece of writing and is an important contribution to the conversation around unmasking this cultural predisposition towards 'self'.

Highly recommended.

I received an early ebook copy from the publisher via NetGalley with no expectation of a favourable review.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rethink Your Self is a Christian spiritual growth book written by author Trevin Wax. As the author states, it is not a self-help book with tips on improving yourself.

Rethink Your Self focuses on teaching the reader how to look up first before looking around, or inward. Rethink Your Self is a short, easy book to read. When I began reading Rethink Your Self I wasn’t sure if I liked it. However, as the book went on I liked it more and more.

Rethink Your Self was interesting to read with the different philosophies. The main focus was of course on Jesus and Christianity.

I would recommend Rethink Your Self to Christians as well as Secular readers.

God Bless and Thank You for reading. I give Rethink Your Self 5*/5*

Disclaimer: I receive complimentary books from various sources, including, publishers, publicists, authors, and/or NetGalley. I am not required to write a positive review and have not received any compensation. The opinions shared here are my own entirely. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

[Darryl Dash · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Rethink Your Self, Trevin Wax encourages us to rethink society’s assumptions about happiness and suggests a better way.

Wax has written a book for a general audience. It deals with one of the most important issues today — expressive individualism — and its effects on individuals and society. But Wax writes with a keen understanding of the issues underlying this worldview. Rethink Your Self is easy to understand, but it has depth.

I see the “look in” approach everywhere I look, including in the church. I plan on sharing this book to help people identify the problem with this approach and to show a better way. But I also recommend this book to pastors. Wax helps us understand and speak to the most common worldview of the West, and provides a model of constructive engagement.

[Manuel Alfredo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Este libro está dirigido a personas que están buscando su identidad y están profundamente influenciados por la cultura moderna.
Es sencillo de leer pero ayuda a comprender la mentalidad actual de la busqueda de sentido e identidad humana en el propio corazón.
Hace una comparación muy buena entre buscar tu identidad "mirando hacia adentro" (sociedad occidental actual), "mirando hacia el lado" (sociedadades tradicionales) y "mirando hacia arriba" (cristianismo).
En defintiva creo que es muy recomendable para entender la mentalidad moderna, a los milenials y los esafpios de proclamar la fe cristiana en un mundo posmoderno.

[Rhodri Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent, accessible read. Trevin Wax considers the perilous consequences of looking inside ourselves for meaning and purpose as well as the dangers of finding ourselves only in community. Instead of first looking in or around, he asks us to consider looking up. Insightful, clear and life-changing, this is well worth a few hours of your time, whatever you believe and whatever your situation.

[Chuck Meade · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rethink Your Self is unique from the previous works of Wax. It confronts the number one message of American culture: listen to your heart and do what makes you happy. It’s something a longtime Christ follower can enjoy but the primary intended audience is the nonChristian and skeptic. I had to quickly learn this was not a book where I could check my brain at the door. It’s mentally stimulating and a phenomenal evangelist resource for Gen Z that I’ll return to.

[Carissa Norris · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is exactly the book Christians, and anyone else, need in our current culture. The inward focus of determining our own made up identity and then trying to live by it fails us. We need books like this that speak the truth about how looking up provides a solid and strong foundation and true satisfaction. Well written, easy to read, with actions points and not just philosophical discussion, I would highly recommend this book to anyone.

[Blayne Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I felt that the overall theme and gospel truths presented were presented clearly but felt it was repetitive. I thought it was a bit over-simplified and could have been expanded on and made more vivid with some real life examples. However I ended up giving 4 stars because I thought the last few chapters had some good application points and tied everything together well.

[Bethany · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great end of year/new year book! As I think a lot about “my resolutions” and “annual performance evals”—This book reminded me that life isn’t ultimately about me!

Wax illustrates well the difference between what modern culture pushes (look in, around, & up) and the Biblical approach (look up, around, and maybe in). Good for young adults too!

[Raina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Slow start but good book for thinking through how to sift through the current cultural narrative. Great book for people unsure about Jesus, new to Jesus, finding their way back to Jesus, or just people finding themselves caught up in the cultural narrative.

[Jonathan Jay · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book starts out pretty simple an slow but gets into deeper meaning as read on. It is more for new believers or people younger in thier faith. This book talks about how God defines who you are and the importance of turning from self- focused life an get in line with God's plan for the world

[Tyler Hurst · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really helpful reflection on the Bible’s challenge to individualistic and communal cultures. Many could benefit from Wax’s description of how we can use Christianity in our self-centered projects.

[Kate Matthews · Rating 5 out of 5]

A simple, concise perspective on a Christian's view of self. It was an easy, but compelling read, that helped me reconsider how I view my renewed self in Christ.

[Tammi Stuhldreher · Rating 4 out of 5]

Love the perspective of this book-so counter-cultural, yet true.