سيدتنا أليس باتي

by Mohammed Hanif, رشا صادق (ترجمة)

الناشر/

بعد أقل من ثلاث دقائق أمام لجنة المقابلة ، عرفت أليس باتي في أعماقها أنها لن تحصل على الوظيفة المعلن عنها ب : ممرضة مبتدئة بديلة / درجة رابعة ، وأنذرها وخز حاد في مؤخرة عنقها أن عدم حصولها على تلك الوظيفة قد لا يكون أسوأ ما سيحدث هنا . لم تطرح اللجنة عليها أي سؤال بعد ، لكنها أدركت أن كل تحضيراتها - زيها الأبيض المنشي ، ملفها الجديد ، لمسة أحمر الشفاه البني الباهت ، تمارين التنفس التي قامت بها كي تهدئ قلبها الخافق ، حتى الموزة التي أكلتها في الباص لتكبح اضطراب معدتها هي استشارات فاشلة . مال حلال يضيع في بالوعة الحرام کا يقول والدها جوزیف باتي ، سيجعل أولئك المسلمون تنظفين برازهم ، ثم يشتكون من رائحت القذرة ، قال « أما إخوتنا في الدين في مشفى القلب المقدس ؟ فسوف يلقون عليك موعظة ، من ثم يسألونك عن ما سبب رائحتك القذرة » . لقد كانت في هذه الغرفة من قبل ، ولطالما وقفت وتلقت الأوامر : هل نظفتي الأرض يا أليس ؟ لماذا لم تنظفيها ؟ من تعتقدين أنه سيمسح الدم عن الأرض يا أليس ؟ والدك ؟ لكن اضطرارها للتحدث وهي جالسة على كرسي يثير خوفها

Genres: Fiction, Pakistan, Literary Fiction, Asia, Religion, Contemporary, Novels

236 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2010

About the author

Mohammed Hanif is a Pakistani writer and journalist. He was born at Okara. He was graduated from Pakistan Air Force Academy as a pilot officer but subsequently left to pursue a career in journalism. He initially worked for Newsline, The Washington Post and India Today. In 1996, he moved to London to work for the BBC. Later, he became the head of the BBC's Urdu service in London.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mohammed...

Reviews

[Abubakar Mehdi · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is not without regret that I have to admit it now; I never read a novel written by a Pakistani writer in English. “Our Lady of Alice Bhatti” is where I started from and I couldn’t possibly have selected a better book.
Alice Bhatti, previously an inmate in the Borstal Jail, is applying for the job of a nurse in a Catholic Charity Hospital, knowing that she belongs to a depleting minority of Catholics in Karachi who have any chance of getting a decent job. The story revolves around her struggle to exist in a society that is not just anti-Christian but misogynistic and violent in the extreme. She is sexually harassed, physically assaulted, and mentally tortured.
But Alice will not let any of this dampen her spirits. Perseverant, brave and strong headed, Alice Bhatti tries to reconcile her many identities; her Catholic background, her past as an inmate, her rebellious nature and her womanhood. With such a set of identities, in a place like Karachi, one is not very likely to go far. She soon realises that she needs protection and companionship, for survival’s sake.
Teddy Butt is a bodybuilder, currently working as an encounter specialist cum grave digger for a local police inspector. He hides his occupation from most, for obvious reasons, but what he cannot hide is his love for Alice. A brief courtship and a dramatic proposal ends up setting them together as husband and wife. Teddy needs stability in life and Alice needs protection. Both are orphans of luck, and like many in that giant of a city, both are surviving at the behest of pure chance.
And thus unfolds a story which is as charming as it is brutal. To see life from the eyes of a Christian nurse working in Karachi, is to see an already horrendous place become virtually unliveable. Especially for Christians (mainly Catholics) who live a miserable life, and work as sweepers and sewerage cleaners in big cities. They are considered untouchable, unworthy of bodily contact and almost a contamination that must make a suburban ghetto its abode. Alice Bhatti’s superior Hina Alvi, to Alice’s great surprise, is a catholic too but has successfully concealed this fact about herself and hence, has ascended quite brilliantly in her profession. Here, we see that Life is an ordeal for those who do not belong to the majority.
Although we see Alice fighting for herself, and putting up a good show of rebelliousness and courage, but deep inside she is as vulnerable as any woman. The dark humour that we find in her dialogues, is a representation of her inner conflicts as well as the stark realities she experiences everyday. Nonetheless, she wouldn’t have you pity her, or give her a helping hand. Alice would have none of your patriarchy or charity. She will fight to the end. But can she win?
Mohammad Hanif has written a 'timely' classic; a story that proselytizes most of what remains unsaid and undiscussed among literate Pakistanis. His prose has the lyrical charm and wit of Rushdie, and the Realism of Hardy, Hanif ‘captures a nation in bedlam’ and reminds us that we have a responsibility, as thinking men and women, to voice our condemnation of this racism, bigotry and oppression.

[Anum Shaharyar · Rating 3 out of 5]

Life has taught Alice Bhatti that every little step forward in life is preceded by a ritual humiliation. Every little happiness asks for a down payment. Too many humiliations and a journey that goes in circles means that her fate is permanently in the red.

Mohammad Hanif is one of those writers, you know. The one that everyone in Pakistan seems to have read. The one that so many people just love. And it’s very, very hard to go into a book with that level of expectation and not be a little disappointed.

I tried to brace myself before reading this by talking myself into lowering my anticipation. “It might not be THAT good,” I told myself, and I actually turned out to be right. Which basically means that I didn’t hate it but I didn’t love it either, even though yes, it’s funny, yes, it’s smart, and yes, it gets a lot of points for taking on a protagonist who is a part of so many sensitive demographics in terms of religion, gender and social class — a Catholic, a woman, and a junior nurse — and dealing with it really well.

“Maybe you’ll be luckier. But you don’t seem like the kind of girl who attracts luck.”

The story opens with Alice Bhatti having recently left the Borstal jail where she was spending time for having smashed in a senior surgeon’s head. After getting the job as junior nurse, Alice begins a tentative, initially-reluctant love affair with ex-bodybuilder Teddy Butt, and spends her days trying to survive the hospital’s patients and Karachi’s craziness. In between are efforts to understand her father, a proud sweeper who is both loving and neglectful, as well as attempts to ward off the rumours about Alice’s miraculous healing powers after a baby born dead suddenly wakes up again. And woven throughout the narrative are subtle, sly sentences that make this book so much fun to read.

The Characters Breathe

The most noticeable thing about the writing in this book is how alive the characters are. Alice jumps right off the pages, and even though I never used to understand what that phrase meant, this book helps make its meaning a little bit clearer.

People can learn various crafts in jail: to pick pockets, to wield a knife, how to use your knee in a fight, to plant flowers in pots made out of cardboard or hook up with someone and hatch a plan to kidnap a film star, or to write poetry. Alice has learnt only one thing: to keep quiet and speak only when absolutely necessary.

This deft handling of characters who are three-dimensional expands to include all those around Alice. Hanif shows this in the characterization of Noor, a seventeen-year-old who spends his time at the Sacred Heart Hospital for All Ailments, the hospital where Alice works as a junior nurse, simultaneously caring for his mother, being an all-around helper boy, and lusting after Alice.

Walking into a room and behaving as if the room belonged to him was something that Noor had already learnt, at a time when other boys his age were only hanging from the windowsills looking in. He was sure that his secret code would work.

Hanif does both the young and the old equally well. While Noor is the teenager, Doctor Pereira, the Chief Medical Officer at the Sacred, is the older, more resigned adult, both cowardly but also kind-hearted. Hanif’s characterization of Dr Pereira rests on small, concise sentences woven into the bigger picture. Even though he’s not one of the main characters, he still manages to have a distinct voice.

Dr Pereira is human enough to realise that Alice and Noor are not the authors of their own misfortunes, but he is not imaginative enough to recognise their desperate attempts to rewrite them.

What’s fascinating is that Hanif’s rendering of complex, interesting characters isn’t limited by gender. He creates secondary female characters with as much ease as the male one, such as in the case of Hina Alvi, a senior Sister at the hospital with a cast-iron will and a dry but hilarious outlook on all the harsh things in life.

“I’m not the right person to give anybody martial advice. I have been married thrice. And I’m single now. I married the same man twice. Just to be sure. But the result was the same.”

The most disappointing thing about the book is maybe the other protagonist, Teddy Butt, who is so lacklustre as to be hardly worth mentioning. Even though the book is pitched as a romance between Alice and Teddy, I literally couldn’t have cared less about Teddy or his bodybuilding days or his nefarious and highly questionable job as helper for a non-sanctioned police task force involved in dubious things. Teddy takes up too much space in this book for someone who elicits no emotion, and is the smallest side note to the multifaceted, fascinating personality that is Alice.

Like all battle-hardened warriors she has managed to preserve her gift for the fight but forgotten why she became a fighter in the first place.

A Different Kind of Humour

“You should probably get married. I have heard that a good husband is the only cure for bad dreams. You know why? Because then you are sleeping with your bad dream.”

You’ll find that a lot of people spend a lot of time talking about how funny Mohammad Hanif is, so I was expecting something that was out-right hilarious, but that’s not the sort of humour this author is dabbling in. This book presents comedy in a different way from anything I’ve ever read.

“My job is to cure people, to cure them at the worst of times. I don’t decide when someone is going to die. He does.”
He raises his forefinger towards the ceiling. Alice Bhatti looks at the ceiling fan in confusion: Put your Faith in Phillips, it says.

He doesn’t bother pulling back from topics that one might consider sensitive. Religion, social discrimination, poverty, sex, violence, almost every topic gets a satirical comment, a subtle witty phrase tucked in between lines.

Multilingual beggars were still beggars; even worse, they were beggars with pretensions.

The best part, of course, is that this wit is subtle in the best way. This book doesn’t elicit belly laughter, but the amused chuckle, the unexpected giggle, the unseemly snort if you read this in public.

“First love,” Hina Alive says, “is like your first heart attack. Chances are that you’ll survive it, but you don’t outlive it.”

And to top it all off, Mohammad Hanif writes really well. His writing is funny, but also smart.

Dr Pereira has never figured out how people find out about these things. Somebody whispers something in your ear, and before you can turn to them and ask how they know in the first place, the rumour has travelled around the city and somebody else is whispering a version of the original in your other ear.

The Male Author, the Female Protagonist

Men writing about women protagonists always worry me, because there’s so many ways in which it could go wrong. This book, thankfully, doesn’t disappoint. For lessons on how to write a nuanced female character, other authors could take lessons from Mohammad Hanif’s writing.

Lewd gestures, whispered suggestions, uninvited hands on her bottom are all part of Alice Bhatti’s daily existence.

Even besides the clever commentary on unwanted sexual advances or gender discriminatory practices, this book takes into account all shades of the spectrum. Women aren’t just one single adjective. They’re defiant, oppressed, kind hearted, cold, romantic, funny; throughout the book Hanif uses Alice as well as Sister Hina Alvi to make these females grey and complex instead of caricatures of black and white.

“I am a fifty-one-year-old single woman. That is a whole religion in itself, with its own rituals. It has its own damnation and rewards.”

He also uses his male character to provide a steady stream of commentary on women and their habits, their mannerisms, their needs and desires; it is easy to see how huge an effect the female gender has on the lives of Teddy, Noor, Teddy’s captain, Alice’s father, and all the other males in this book.

“There is a deep hidden well of sadness in every woman, as inevitable as a pair of ovaries, and on certain afternoons its mouth yawns open and it can suck in every colour in this world.”

Hanif also flips this courtesy provided to men by providing the same to his female characters, who don’t hold back in trying to understand, recognize, or empathize with the convoluted intentions and actions of the men in their lives.

“Men don’t understand. Just remember that. They don’t.”

At the end of the day, however, Mohammad hanif seems to be speaking for the females as he lays down some pretty harsh truths about the treatment of women in this world.

During her house job she worked in Accidents and Emergencies for six months and there was not a single day — not a single day — when she didn’t see a woman shot or hacked, strangled or suffocated, poisoned or burnt, hanged or buried alive.

And because this book is written by a Pakistani about characters located in Pakistan, crimes which are global but feel so personal, so local, so much like they only happen in our country also find space between the narrative.

Suspicious husband, brother protecting his honour, father protecting his honour, son protecting his honour, jilted lover avenging his honour, feuding farmers settling their water disputes, moneylenders collecting their interest: most of life’s arguments, it seemed, got settled by doing various things to a woman’s body.

The important thing to take away from all this is that conversations about writing across gender, race, religion, or other demographics have existed for a long time. Men writing about women, white people writing about south asians, able-bodied people writing about disabilities, all these factors have in common a distance from the experience these writers are tackling. But Mohammad Hanif proves that this distance is surpassable, and can be done faithfully to the end.

Joseph feels sad: that’s all his daughter is good at, looking pretty and bashing up octogenarian professionals. As if being beautiful gives her the right to behave badly.

On the Funny and Serious Side of Religion

“These Muslas will make you clean their shit and then complain that you stink.”

If men writing about women rate high on the worry scale, then authors writing a protagonist whose religion differs from theirs make me even more apprehensive, because there are so many more chances where one could offend. Religion is tricky, and sensitive, and in these volatile times even slightly dangerous.

She knows what faith is; it’s the same old fear of death dressed in party clothes.

What makes this situation even more precarious is the harassment, discrimination, and religious violence the Christian minority has to face in a country like Pakistan. Barely two months ago a park full of Christian families celebrating Easter in Lahore found themselves the victims of a suicide bombing which killed 72 and injured hundreds more, many of them children.

I know some people see Yassoo on a cross or his mother in a pretty dress in every seasonal fruit. Why do people need that kind of evidence? Isn’t there always a flood or an earthquake or a child run over by a speeding car driven by another child to remind us that God exists?

Hanif’s story manages to treat religion both as a serious topic worthy of consideration and as a side note, one whose effects are barely felt on the characters. This is a dichotomy that runs throughout the book, and Hanif balances it out by being, in turn, serious, didactic, funny, or flippant. He treats religion the way the majority of Pakistanis do. Like something one must tolerate, respect, fear, and humor, all at the same time.

As a child I was taught that God is in everything. I thought that this concept was so simple that even someone like me could understand it. Now that I am getting old, they want me to literally see God in vegetables. For the last five years, every year there is an aubergine somewhere that, when you slice it, it has the word Allah running through it.

Sex (and Violence) in the City

“Will it hurt?” Teddy asks...Noor sighs, as if he can’t understand why people keep asking the same question. He lives in a world where people want their share of pain measured, labelled, packaged, with its ingredients identified in plain language. They want it to come with an expiry date and a guarantee that there is this and no more.

The only flaw this book has is the almost gratuitous display of violence or sex. Usually I have no issue with mentions of these particular topics because it's unrealistic to assume that in a book about Pakistan they won’t crop up. But my problem is with their usage for shock effect.

He is imagining me naked, Alice thinks. It never ceases to amazes her that men, even those on death watch, all think the same thing. One eye on the dying mother, the other on the paramedics tits.

I’m generally reluctant to blame an author for using things like sexual assault, murder, kidnapping, or other atrocities in this vein just for the case of a little titillation because it sounds like such a weak, horrible thing for a writer to do. But the fact of the matter is that a lot of authors do indulge in such things, simply because they produce an effect on the reader. You will always remember a particularly horrifying or gruesome scene long after you’ve read the book.

She has lived long enough to know that cutting up women is a sport older than cricket but just as popular and equally full of obscure rituals and intricate rules that everyone seems to know except her.

And this book almost skirts the edges of superfluous violence, of pointless mentions of sex. In some cases, it’s funny and relevant and makes a statement.

“So basically I am being punished for resisting an armed assault.”

And in some cases, it doesn’t.

“You can kill forty-six people in six minutes, all the while riding a motorbike, and you can’t take a piss standing up? Hurry up, behind the bushes.”

Recommendation

There is a scene within this book, a 3-page long incident when Teddy shoots in the air and accidentally shuts down the city for 3 days. That one scene is such a perfect description of the kind of unholy mess that is Karachi, and it says so much about how individual lives affect the larger picture, how actions have unintended consequences, about the political and social conditions of this city. Mohammad Hanif’s writing is funny and honest, and while I might not love his work as much as the rest of the country seems to, I see where everyone else is coming from. Read it if you feel like seeing what the hype is all about.

***

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Original Update:

I took SO LONG to read this book. Good god.

[W · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mohammad Hanif's writing combines humour and horror.The satire is at times,wicked.He likes making fun of just about everything.And he certainly isn't the most politically correct writer.But after his first book,things have gone downhill.

This one is his second book,after the controversial and acclaimed,A Case of Exploding Mangos.It's certainly not as good.

Alice Bhatti is a Catholic nurse working in a Karachi hospital.Hanif was asked in an interview if he wanted to depict the plight of Christian nurses in Pakistan,who are women as well as minorities,a kind of double jeopardy.Hanif is honest enough to admit that when he was writing,that was not necessarily his intention.

Alice Bhatti's life as a nurse is difficult.She has to deal with the crude advances of men,until she meets Teddy Butt,a bodybuilder,and marries him.Then,she has her share of troubles with her husband.

This book suffers from a similar problem that plagued Hanif's third book,Red Birds.There isn't enough of a coherent story.
And in this case,even the funny bits are relatively few and far between.

For me,this was a very forgettable book.

[AJ · Rating 3 out of 5]

The one thing that captures my interest every time I pick up a novel written by Pakistani authors is always the context of the novel. In case of these types of novels, it is always the cultural context which gives colours to the stories told. Any story that takes place in Pakistan or the Middle East never fails to captivate me. My first experience reading these kinds of novels was when I enrolled in a Global Literature course in my college. Since then, I have been constantly on the lookout for more of the same kind of novel.

Our Lady of Alice Bhatti which takes place in Pakistan covers a broad cultural context including the Muslims and Christians society there. Even though I am living in a multicultural and multiracial society in Asia where the Muslims, Christians and many other religions are being practised, it is always fascinating to read and understand the different context of the multicultural society on the opposite part of the world.
Other than that, the characters which are portrayed in a dark yet humorous way adds the fun in reading this novel! :)

[Eleanor · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had trouble getting into the flow of this book. Was it supposed to be comic in spite of the violence? Because of the violence? Would I understand it better if I was more used to the rhythm of a chaotic city like Karachi? There is a tool necessary for full appreciation of this book that I fear I don't have. Yet, as always with books chosen by my newly resurrected book club, I am appreciative of the chance to read something that I would never otherwise have read. The writing is interesting - a lot happens in this book and often in the individual sentences of this book.

[Sachi · Rating 4 out of 5]

FUCK YOU TEDDY BUTT.

[Katherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

“ ‘My job is to cure people, to cure them at the worst of times. I don’t decide when someone is going to die. He does.’ He raises his forefinger towards the ceiling. Alice Bhatti looks at the ceiling fan in confusion: Put Your Faith in Philips, it says” (4-5).
“ ‘…they are attracted to bomb blast sites like flies to…’ She usually finds a rotting seasonal fruit to complete her analysis of the state of the national health” (30).
“There was a time in Joseph Bhatti’s life when he could have stood at a street corner and made a speech about camels, but these days you never know. Especially with people who like calendars with tastefully photographed camels” (47).
“And then Joseph feels sad: that’s all his daughter is good at, looking pretty and bashing up octogenarian professionals” (51).
"Alice Bhatti doesn't pay particular attention to the Surfer or its number plate. She has seen enough nicknames, poetic flourishes, family titles, fictional cities and urban legends passing themselves off as vehicle license plates. She is not amused by somebody's high-school idea of looking important" (58).
"...an elderly man whose henna-coloured moustache somehow complements the mistrust in his eyes..." (59).
"Before resorting to gunpoint poetry, Teddy Butt tries the traditional route to romancing a medical professional; he pretends to be sick..." (64).
“Teddy is one of those people who are only articulate when they talk about cricket. The rest of the time they rely on a combination of grunts, hand gestures and repeat snippets of what other people have just said to them. He also has very little experience of sharing his feelings” (68).
“A thick March cloud has cloaked the sun outside. The perfect spring afternoon is suddenly its own wintry ghost” (72).
“ ‘Normalcy limping back to the city,’ as if normalcy had gone for a picnic and sprained an ankle” (75).
“Noor sees Alice and Teddy walking out of the Sacred, hand in hand, and starts to suspect that love is not just blind, it’s deaf and dumb and probably has an advanced case of Alzheimer’s; it’s unhinged” (82).
“He can’t imagine reading their names together except maybe in a tragic news headline” (87).
“Any man who reaches for a book when he thinks about you is a man that you should think about” (87).
“She is relieved that everything has happened so suddenly; she hasn’t had the time to examine her own motives, otherwise her love story would have turned into an anthropological treatise about the survival strategies employed by Catholics in predominantly Islamic societies” (96).
“ ‘Soothing the doomed slut’ is the nearest he has come to having a job description” (105).
“He also thinks it is a nice reminder that the business of life must go on despite marriage, despite a wife, despite a house full of crockery and vague expectations” (107).
“Alice used to tell her dorm mates at the nursing school that if Yassoo came back to life today and roamed the world and saw it full of so many crosses, wouldn’t he conclude that it was a world of perpetual pain?
“And for once, He would be right” (126).
“She knows what faith is; it’s the same old fear of death dressed in party clothes” (176).
“She swore off doctors with leftist tendencies and penetrative sex for the rest of her time at the nursing school” (187).
“ ‘There is always a cloud shaped like Mohammed. I know some people see Yassoo on a cross or his mother in a pretty dress in every seasonal fruit. Why do people need that kind of evidence? Isn’t there always a flood or an earthquake or a child run over by a speeding car driven by another child to remind us that God exists?’” (194-195).

[Zainab · Rating 5 out of 5]

A gripping novel. 'Unputdownable' yes. Has an ending that takes you back to the beginning and literally so. Mohammed Hanif's craft at story telling is spellbinding. Specially towards the end - chapter 26 onwards - my curiosity was at the edge. From the beginning to the end the book is elaborate in its surprises. And the petition by Joseph Bhatti in the end is quite tactfully placed. Gives a whole new outlook to the novel.

Hanif draws a vivid and sadly, a true picture of the state of affairs in our country from a welfare hospital to a police agency, the attitude of common people towards the so called low-caste and even more so with people of minority religion doing lowly jobs. Also, allusions to people of different and often contradictory religious mind-sets highlighted in the novel voice a serious issue prevalent these days - issues that arise due to non-acceptance of multiple interpretations of faith, making immature and groundless judgements about the right and the wrong path and then the confusion which springs because of fake'aalims' caliming to have done miracles fogging the truth of 'real miracles'... In short, the book is all encompassing.

It takes us and lets us meet those Karachiites who are living such a dreadful life we can not even dare to think of. A very exciting read it is. A mix of bitter-sweet emotions.

[Neha Gupta · Rating 3 out of 5]

Witty, racy and dark – riveting writing style of Hanif. I am clueless to the real challenges of a country or a religion and my opinions are coloured by media and literature, so I will limit my review to the writing and the plot – neutralising any references to a religion or country.

Hanif shows you the underbelly and madness of a country’s political and feudal society. The strong influence of prejudice, power and fundamentalism in all spheres of life where your identity is either of a bigot or a traitor. In times of doubt your honesty and loyalty is judged by taking off your pants.

The author of ‘The Case of Exploding Mangoes’ recreates another riveting tale which doesn’t shy away from calling black as black. The story reminded me the fact that as many civil rules and laws we form, we are still animals living by the jungle law killing for survival and power. Nothing is fair or just if you hold the power and the gun.

The main protagonist is Alice – born into a low caste family but bold and brazen in a man’s world. She married a protector but when the protector becomes the hunter then your state is no better than a chicken waiting to be cut and served. Teddy, Noor and other characters form central to the plot each bringing a shade of darkness and hidden secrets and desires in them. One is running behind goons and criminals and delivering its own form of justice, one is strong enough to fight the world but can’t do anything to save his ailing and dying mother, one is the strong administrator who gets sympathetic to the victim, one a low caste cleaner who becomes hand of God trying to cure people with a candle and glass. So in short you will not get a normal character or a common man, all of them are shown struggling with their individual demons merging into a shocking climax which you will must read to know.

Leaving you with a few lines from the book..

In every man dances a thief, In every man dances a peacock.

The Gentlemen’s squad is a group of like-minded police officers, not really an entity commissioned by any law-enforcing authority. The name of the unit doesn’t exist on any official register, on letterheads or websites. There is no annual audits or medals of bravery; it does not hold press conferences to unveil the criminals it catches or kills, or more often catches and then kills. It is a group of gentlemen who, not given to any flights of literary imagination, have decided to call themselves the Gentlemen’s Squad. It is a crew of reformed rapists (I have got three grown-up daughters now, you know), tortures, (it’s a science, not an art), sharpshooters (monkeys really, as we spend half our lives perched of rooftops and trees) and generally the kind of investigators who can recognise a criminal by looking the way he blows his nose or turns a street corner. They have survived together for such a long time because they believe in giving each other space, they come together for a good cause like they have today, and then disperse to pursue their own personal lives.

‘Don’t be frightened of your own reflection. We all have bad moments in front of the mirror,’ says Noor. ‘You should probably get married. I have heard that a good husband is the only cure for bad dreams. You know why? Because then you are sleeping with your bad dream.’

[Rural Soul · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was my first English novel by any Pakistani writer because i had diceded to read my native English literature first rather than focussing on foreign literature. I just wanted to know that how does it feel to read my own society in a foreign language and let's see that how do they represent Pakistan to foreign readers.

I can undetstand it now that why does this have low rating. Not entirely negative rating but it's not high rating either.

The reason that I liked it and gave it **** is that it's filled with some stereotypes.
Teddy Butt represents all the majority of "Butts" in our bodybuilding community e.g.
*Ahmad Butt
*Masoom Butt and many more but I don't remember them.

Dr. Pereira is similar to the talented Christian musician community from Karachi which have access to music unlikely Muslim community for whom music is taboo but still we have Muslims in this field too. I don't want to debate music over religious grounds.
There are some Christian musicians from Karachi in real life who prefered music over their other professional fields unlike this fictional character Dr. Pereira.
*Louis J. Pinto aka Gumby (former drummer of Noori band and Coke Studio Project).
*Kami Paul (Mekal Hassan Band)
*Salman Albert (Entity Paradigm band).

Picking the surname of main character as Bhatti is only to represent the majority of Christian community of janitors who call themselves Bhatti.

Inspector Malangi is another character who introduces us with the usual fearful "Walrus Moustaches" and dangerous name of a typical, rare semi corrupt police we deal in real life.

The thing which I loved most of all in the novel is that author is aware of this fact that who are native and indigenous people of sub continent?
It's very hard for me to write but whatever I heard orally and read with less detail that people Aryans confronted when they came to subcontinent were these "Sansi" people and Aryans because of their racial pride enslaved these relgionless, semi wild people and devided them into most lower class because of their skin colour. Later those inhumane classification made its place in Hinduism.

This is where Joseph Bhatti says,

This kind of man. Joseph Bhatti Choohra. We were here before the Christians came, before the Muslas came. Even before the Hindus came. I am not just the son of this soil. I am the soil. Yes, I am Joseph Bhatti Choohra.

Now they're in forms of Muslims, Christians and some of them are gypsies who are famous for their free spirited homeless lifestyle.

The most disturbing part in the novel which I find is it's plot. The plot isn't cinsiderdd moving or attentive. All you find is satirical and dark commentary.
Secondly it portrayed false image of Christian Muslim society. It's not in reality whatever it's shown in the novel. Any act of violence or prejudice by any individual to any minority isn't image of all society.

Over all it's impressive and dramatic novel with unusual ending plot.

[Ava Butzu · Rating 3 out of 5]

Because I was smitten by both "Moth Smoke" and "The Reluctant Fundamentalist," by Mohsin Hamid, I was convinced that "Our Lady" would be similarly compelling...after all, the book came with accolades from multiple reputable book reviews. However, placing these two writers on the same level simply both authors set their stories in Pakistan is a poor point of comparison. Where Hamid's characters are compelling and complex and his plots a series of interlocked events that spiral his characters toward their fate, Hanif did not deliver fully on what might have been a believable and important story about the subjugation of women and the damage that a class system imposes on the people of Pakistan.

Hanif relied upon chance occurrences and the domino effect to set his plot of destruction into play, but the strange gaps of time in between each chapter (which he then rewound the plot enough to fill in as needed) created a strange hiccup in between each event, precluding me from appreciating the story fully.

And it wasn't just that the plot hiccuped often - the actions of the title character, Alice, did not sync up with what we thought we knew about her. How can a woman who fights her way through nursing school, through censorial religious zealots, and through jail time served for her strong convictions impetuously marry a meat-head henchman and seamlessly merge into his violent and misogynistic life and home?

There were, however, moments of dry irony and sarcastic commentary that created a powerful commentary about inequality and injustice - those were the moments that shone in this book. But ultimately, I felt frustration and impatience while reading this text, even with the final chapter in which the writer suggests that Alice is, after all, something of a saint and a miracle.

[Mah-i-kan Kurd · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ever since, I was 8, I knew Christians were one of the worst treated minorities in Pakistan and so were nurses, especially after the glorified fetish and related videos so easily accessible to the common man. This book just proved all my assumptions, regarding both. The author highlighted all the unjust social norms and how conservative yet outright brazen this society is. Such a sad place to live and have our children grow up into.

The storyline was okay, not very gripping, as I had expected because of my precedent experience with A case of exploding mangoes. I read this because, even though, the plot isn't intriguing enough to pique my interest but I love the author's writing style and Mohammad Hanif has such witty one liners

'Halal money down the haram drain'

'if I'm going to be called a bhangi all my life, I might as well have some bhang."

'They think we are shit-cleaners. Yes, we are but what are they? Shit.'

'Love is not just blind, it's deaf and dumb and has an advanced case of Alzheimer's'

'Love is a runaway charya'

'Sometimes, Love brings you things that you never knew you wanted'

'Love can only survive if it comes with a ration card'

Also, I absolutely love books that kill of the protagonist.

[Eric Anderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This year marks the 10th anniversary of the Wellcome Book Prize, an award which celebrates fiction and non-fiction that engages with some aspect of medicine, health or illness. The intention of the prize is to raise public involvement and debate around the subject of medicine and health. It’s such a unique focus amongst book prizes whose categories are more general. The prize is indelibly linked to the extraordinary institution that is the Wellcome Collection. This is a free museum and library in central London which engages with the public about issues of health and is a rich resource for many. For instance, Jessie Greengrass wrote the bulk of her novel “Sight” (one of my favourite novels from last year) while working and conducting research in its library – something which is very evident in the text from the way it engages with the history of medicine.

So, to help celebrate this prize’s anniversary, I decided to peruse its history of entrants and read a book that was shortlisted for the prize in 2012. “Our Lady of Alice Bhatti” by Mohammed Hanif is a darkly comic novel that begins with the novel’s titular hero Alice being interviewed for a nursing position at the dilapidated Sacred Heart Hospital for All Ailments in Karachi. It’s a chaotic establishment where blood is sold, medicine is pilfered and nurses are regularly molested (in one vividly horrific scene Alice defends herself with a razor blade). Alice implements simple hygienic procedures which improve the health of many patients, but as a medical facility its run more on faith than it is on science. So when an apparent miracle occurs people flock to the establishment in the hope of being magically cured. It’s a struggle for the rational, but Alice’s main dilemma is overcoming the stigma against her lower caste and Christian background. She seeks to rise above her origins, but things go badly awry.

Read my full review of Our Lady of Alice Bhatti by Mohammed Hanif on LonesomeReader

[Darryl · Rating 2 out of 5]

The latest novel by Mohammed Hanif, author of the Booker Prize longlisted novel A Case of Exploding Mangoes, is set in contemporary Karachi, Pakistan in the Sacred Heart Hospital for All Ailments, a public hospital formerly established by the Catholic Church and led by a Catholic chief medical officer but staffed by Muslim doctors and nurses. Alice Bhatti is a newly hired nurse who trained at Sacred Heart, but was forced to leave due to her outspoken Christian beliefs and a trumped up conviction of attempted murder. She is single, attractive and well endowed, which makes her the source of unwanted attention from male patients and visitors to Sacred Heart. She is friends with Noor, a teenage street urchin who has managed to obtain a jack of all trades position at Sacred Heart while caring for his mother, who is dying from three cancers. Noor is also friends with Teddy Butt, a bodybuilder with a violent temper who works with but is not a member of the G Squad, a shadowy arm of the Pakistani police which captures, tortures and kills insurgents that terrorize the civilian population.

Teddy falls in love with Alice, who suddenly agrees to marry him after rejecting his initial advances. Their flawed relationship, Teddy's troubled activities with the G Squad and Alice's apparent ability to bring the dead and dying to life form the major subjects of this novel. Unfortunately, I found Our Lady of Alice Bhatti to be quite implausible, as its stories about medical practice and the daily workings of a large public hospital strained credulity, and its characters were dull and inscrutable. The novel consisted of a series of connected events rather than a cohesive story, and by the end I had completely lost interest in what happened to Alice, Teddy and Noor.

[Rusalka · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read the author's earlier book A Case of Exploding Mangoes a few years ago. I enjoyed the writing but couldn't really connect with the subject matter. I picked this one up, read the blurb and thought "Here we go, I'll be able to this one better than military parade fiction."

And while I can, the story of Alice who has come from a disadvantaged and Catholic background on the outskirts of Karachi, spent some time in prison, and now works as a nurse in a hospital that seems to be eventful, but in a way that can only happen in places like Karachi. She apparently has a supernatural power that isn't explored at all, but is pretty feisty and I appreciate that.

Look. All of that I like. I don't like Teddy and all that goes with him. I don't like the conclusion of the book, while unfortunately believable, I got annoyed with it. The writing is still consistent between the books. If you like Mangoes, you'll probably like this one. I did like this one more, but only slightly. I just felt that places I wanted to explore, weren't at all. And that's okay, just makes it not my book. And I probably won't pick up another.

[John Carpenter · Rating 4 out of 5]

So far, this is one whacky, hell of a story...

OK, so I've never been to Pakistan, but wow, what a wild place this novel makes it out to be: Catholics posing as Muslims, corruption everywhere, bodybuilders, hit men, sewer cleaners, mystic healers, and a protagonist that makes Nurse Jackie look like Cinderella. Plus EVERYONE carries a gun. This is behind-the-scenes Karachi and kaleidoscopic storytelling. What is life anyway, and how do we all survive it? The ins and outs of an overcrowded hospital where unlikely things take place and then pass as miracles. Truly, wild narrative, and fantastic writing.

[Kobe Bryant · Rating 2 out of 5]

He seems a little too into his large breasted protagonist

[Kiwiflora · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is the latest novel from Mr Haniff, writer of the brilliantly clever and satirical 'A Case of Exploding Mangoes'. This novel was set around the plane crash that killed Pakistani President General Zia in 1988, along with a number of other dignitaries. Long listed for the 2008 Man Booker Prize, this is a many faceted, ingenious, very tightly plotted and held together novel. Such a great read I couldn't wait to start this latest novel from Mr Haniff. Not quite in the same class I am afraid.

Once again, he takes a whole raft of issues that seem to characterise the complete inability of Pakistan to get its act together. Unlike India just next door. Primarily this is a novel about the lowly status of women in Pakistani society, but also takes up religion - Christianity vs Islam; corruption; the state of the hospital system; untouchables; the power of the police; crowd hysteria and riots - a huge variety of issues. Alice Bhatti is at the centre of the novel. Alice is a nurse, Catholic, she has a certain healing gift, and has just started a new job at the Sacred Heart Hospital for All Ailments in a poor part of Karachi. She has to navigate her life around the usual list of misfits that are part of hospitals - corrupt doctors, injured criminals, officious supervisors, rich and poor dying mothers and their sons - and all the time really trying to do the right thing. She reminded me so much of the very human TV character Nurse Jackie.

She rather suddenly and unexpectedly falls in love with a most unlikely husband in anyone's book - Teddy Butt, about as unlike Nurse Jackie's husband as you could possibly get! Teddy is, I am afraid to say, thick. Not a brain in that skull of his. He is an apprentice to the Gentlemen's Squad of the Karachi police, in other words tidies up and disposes of the human messes that the Karachi police make in their daily line of work. I just did not understand this love affair, not at all. Its reason for being, the courtship, why she ever married him, the fact that the marriage takes place on a submarine!! It is just so fantastic as to be ridiculous.

Being considerably smarter than her husband, Alice cottons on rather quickly that her husband is not as ideal as she led herself to believe he would be and the storyl finishes fairly soon after that.

And that I afraid to say is all that goes on in this novel. Alice's daily life is used as a backdrop for the author's commentary on how Pakistan is doing in the 21st century, and it is not doing very well at all. It is not so much what he is trying to say, however, that is disappointing; it is that compared to 'Mangoes' it isn't said very well. This book really goes nowhere, I thought all the characters unrealistic and not well drawn, it felt very disjointed and jumpy to read, and parts of the plot were just plain silly - the submarine, the miracles that take place. All in all a most disappointing read.

[Sushil · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Hanif's writing. Perhaps you need to be from the Indian subcontinent to fully get the satire that every sentence in the book is soaked in. After reading Hanif, I can't think of any other form more suitable to tell stories from that part of the world. Rushdie's satire is steeped in a bit too much magical realism. Hanif has little need for that sort of sorcery.

The setting this time is Sacred Heart, a catholic hospital in Karachi. I put it that way because while Hanif undoubtedly knows how to tell a tale, as far as material goes it exists in buckets in every corner of every institution in that part of the world. And I do expect Hanif to move from one institution to the next in his writing.

Alice is born a Christian. To Joseph Bhatti, a janitor with special talent to clear up clogged sewer lines and pray away stomach ulcers, and a mother, a house maid who dies in suspicious circumstances at her rich employer's home. In French Colony, which might as well be a leper colony given how its denizens are still not to be touched even though that might have been the very reason they turned to Christianity in the first place. With not much besides street sass and knock-out frame in a starving sort of way.

The story follows her after she escapes her father's house to make something of herself. A nursing school, a prison, and finally the crowded corridors of Sacred Heart, a welfare hospital that is the last resort for everyone inside. At every step, she draws attention. From surgeons wanting to stamp their manhood, from Noor who dreams of her while his mother dies next to him, from sundry men everywhere, one of whom she settles for but quickly regrets. In simply following her dreams, she represents everything that is a struggle for the world. She tests everyone's mettle and finds it always hollow.

[Moushine Zahr · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the second fiction novel I've read from Pakisani author Mohammed Hanif. The first novel read was "A Case of exploding mangoes", which I found better than this one. This novel relates the story of a catholic Pakistani nurse working in a catholic hospital in the muslim majority country Pakistan and city of Karachi. The book is about both the life of the catholic minority living in a muslim majority country and the life of a nurse working in a hospital in Karachi.

All the characters were well developed and detailed. The novel is well written, but the writing style of this novel made it difficult for me to get into the story because it seems that the writer describes what one can observes inside a low financed hospital without adding an intrigue to follow through the novel. Reading this novel might feel like watching an episode of a medical US TV series, but set in Pakistan. I had the feeling that the author gathered around various different stories read here and there happening in Pakistan and put them together into a book.

The author probably gave a realistic image of how the catholic minority are viewed and treated in Pakistan, but it feels that their stories are told from an outsider and not a person very familiar with the minority. I, personnally, didn't know the existence of this catholic minority, and after reading this novel, I still don't know anything about their origins and their importance with respect to the entire country.

Although this fiction novel is well written, an intrigue is missing to make it worth reading through the entire novel. I had the impression that the author tried to write about two different themes and to combine them into one single story.

[Jawad Nasir · Rating 4 out of 5]

Looking back, it was a fairly interesting book. Not only was the story different from the stereotype (which was something I had already made up halfway through), but it somehow actually managed to teach me a thing or two. The ending was turning out to be dull and i expected it to leave me hanging, but the Epilogue really twisted the screws and it was eventually conclusive in almost every aspect of the story. Although I am left wishing to know more about the characters and what happens after the book ends, I believe this was an entertaining and a fine light-and-heavy-hearted book.

I’d give it a 4/5. I was stuck on a 3 for it at first but it was the ending which impressed me the most, reflecting on what really is wrong with matrimony in Pakistan, and of course the narrative which carried the story forward in different chunks, always demanding me to read the succeeding chapter. Some weird cliche’s should have been avoided and more depth into the supporting characters and certain events (which seemed to just happen too quickly) could have seemed to fare better. Nonetheless. A must read.

[Girish · Rating 4 out of 5]

Our Lady of Alice Bhatti is more a book for the words than for the story. This Satirical dark humour packs many a punch between the pages and each chapter reads like a standalone piece of work. How much of it is a reflection of the Pakistan society of 90s, I wouldn't want to judge.

The story has many strong yet flawed characters held through chapters of backstories and reflections:
* Alice, the christian minority nurse in a man's world looking for a new start, holds her own and some. She flaunts her faith and wades through without worrying of consequences.
*Teddy, the body builder and G-squad wannabe is filled with self doubt and soft to a fault.
* Noor, the dutiful and ambitious son fighting back hormones and a sad birth story.
* Nurse Hina Alvi the matronly senior nurse dolloping wisdom and judgments on the plight of poor

Each character is flawed and hence real. Faiths collide and the 'Sacred' hospital becomes a character in itself. The writing is simple, straight and biting.I liked this book better than his more acclaimed first book.

[Saritha · Rating 3 out of 5]

*SPOILER*
I feared for Alice's safety right through this book and it brought home - in her love for Teddy, affection for Noor and Little, respectful deference to Nurse Hina, fear of Begum Qaz's sons - what it means to be a woman, a Christian and living in Pakistan.

The book is nonchalant about everyday violence, attitude towards women and gun-toting in Pakistan. I was very disturbed and at the same time, morbidly amused by the section where Teddy vents his ire by shooting his gun and the chain reaction of casualties that ensue.

I also loved that nuance that Teddy was all prepared to pine away for Alice if she refused him, but didn't know what to do when she accepts his love.

A contemporary work like this is depictive of its setting. I have no idea if the ground realities in Pakistan - the attitudes and the value of life - are better or worse than in the book, but it did make me grateful to live where I do, free to be a woman and free to follow my faith.

[Yumna M. Usmani · Rating 2 out of 5]

There is no doubt that Mohammed Hanif is a master of juggling wit, irony, dry humour and the various problems in our society. Our Lady of Alice Bhatti is an excellent example of that smooth juggle.

However, when compared to A Case of Exploding Mangoes, one does feel that this novel does not match up to it's predecessor's greatness in prose and style.

Still, it was a good read showing a very different perspective.

The best thing about Hanif Sahib's writing is that the reader is allowed to look through the eyes of various characters in various walks of life which gives the reader the opportunity to decide what is right and what is wrong and what is just what it is, rather than having the writer decide it for him/her. This gives the reader a sense of empowerment.

It is a joy to read his writing!

[Faaiz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Harrowing. Brutal. Unapologetic. There are the words that immediately come to mind when you read this book. It's really heartbreaking and reading this at the time when Qandeel Baloch's murder event was making the news, made the impact all the more resounding. It's a testament to our society's depravity and empathic destitution. Hanif is brilliant as ever in his writing. His wit and knack for dark comedy are present in ample amounts. And then again, so is his dark twist in the ending leaving the reader who had grown so attached to the protagonist in desolation (just like he did in A Case of Exploding Mangoes)

[Samra Muslim · Rating 1 out of 5]

What a bad, overrated book! Weak plot, emotion-less writing, horridly crafted characters, neither serious not funny in narration and sex thrown in to add the 'zing' or just author's whim and fancy!!

It's like ramblings about anything and everything in Pakistan which no point actually managing to hit a bull's eye with the readers!

Only saving grace is that it's short and even if you skip lines (or pages) you don't miss much ... !!

[Aly Shah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I heard lot about Muhammad Hanif regarding his novel "A Case Of Exploding Mangoes", therefore before reading that novel of his I started reading him with his novel "Our Lady Of Alice Bhatti" although this novel wasn't that bad however I was expecting something else,something better because many readers appreciate him.

Anyway story plot is very simple a young lady who's Christian name, Alice went for interview of Grade IV job. She is appointed as nurse and face the hurdles which many people face in such jobs. They're referred as "Choora" in society.

But I guess Hanif exaggerated in presenting her character before us. I agree that minorities face many problems but Hanif presented majority as something who are tyrant toward minorities. I don't know what he wans to convey using Muslims and Christians against eachother.

Nevertheless, I love the way he presents Alice as iron lady who eventually left her husband because of his indifferent attitude toward her, her husband became furious that how she dare to do so, and yearned for avenge (but I guess it has nothing to do with Christianity because many people from different faiths face the same when they fail to form mutual understanding).

[Ayeshaa · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐ s basically
And that just for the writing style.

Darker than this exam season which just ended.
Ah 3

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book around the same time protests broke out in Delhi over the gang-rape of a female medical student on a public bus. It struck me as an uncanny time to be reading this novel, since much of what I took away from the novel centered around the injustices suffered by women in the region.

Just like Mohammed Hanif's previous offering (A Case of Exploding Mangoes), Our Lady of Alice Bhatti is a tragicomic cross between Joseph Heller's Catch-22 and Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice. It's like a mash-up of social commentary, religion, culture and politics all wrapped up in a thick layer of dark, sardonic humour.

Alice Bhatti is an anomaly in a society where poor women have been taught to accept the inevitable humiliation and suffering that is forced upon them (there is a lot of subtle reference to this during Alice's shifts at the hospital, as well as the speculation surrounding her mother's death in the home of a wealthy employer). She refuses to submit to the advances of perverse wealthy men, dishes out her own form of revenge/justice against men who wrong her, and even attempts some sort of upward mobility despite being born into the lowest of castes. She is inspiring in a way that only those in the harshest of circumstances can be, and Hanif has once again created the kind of character you feel compelled to root for despite the apparent hopelessness of their situation.

Hanif's writing is a pleasure to read in its detailed description of the world the novel is set in. As someone with not an awful lot of knowledge of Pakistani culture, it was an enlightening read. Sure, I had to google a few terms here and there, but it wasn't difficult to immerse myself in the cultural context of the story.

The only complaint I have (with this novel as well as his last), is that Hanif tends to jump back and forth between the past, the present (where the main storyline has progressed until), and the future (post-main storyline) without any evident change in tense or any indicators of time. While this is a useful tool at times (it provides a fair bit of foreshadowing as well as background to the characters), it can also get confusing because I found myself having to flip back and forth between pages to figure out what happened first.

Overall, great novel with Hanif's usual dose of cynicism and wit, rich in cultural context and social insight.

[Fatima Zahra · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book is witfully written, is humorous, real, magical, and above all heartbreaking and tragic. It portrays injustice against women correctly and embodies the utter dilemma of Pakistani men, which is, crossing every limit to prove that they somehow hold a higher rank and are above us (women), which in turn produces a Pakistani version of Islam which is not truly Islam. The writer shows it as it is what ISLAM is, it is not.
The state of Pakistan gives every right to the minorities. The injustices done in this book, particularly shown against the Catholic Christian Minority is not just limited to them, they extend to everyone, the men who did this, all this to Alice Bhatti, would definitely have done to the Muslim woman too, because as is written in the book, REFORMED RAPISTS DO EXIST, and reformation in no way accounts for what they have done.
Our lady protagonist in this book is strong, she is a fighter, she is brave and she in the end becomes a victim of acid attack, which is not new either.