Frank Get the Door!: Ma feet are KILLIN me

by Janey Godley

"Since lockdown began, people have woken up to Janey Godley’s comedy by the hundreds of thousands… [She] has provided much-needed relief throughout the coronavirus pandemic with her gallus Glesga interpretations which have been shared around the country with much glee." – Daily Record

‘Ye’ve been TELT. Everybuddy’s gonnae die if yeez aw keep gaun aboot an meetin each other an gaun hame wi a virus oan ye. So Ah’ve telt ye wance an Ah’m no gonnae tell ye again. This is the official line. If Ah see any o you oot there, Ah’m gonnae take a run an pit ma toe up the crack o yer arse. SO QUIT IT! Stey in the hoose, wash yer hands an keep yer family safe.’

144 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 22, 2020

About the author

Janey Godley was a Scottish stand-up comedian, actress, writer and political activist. She began her stand-up career in 1994, and won various awards for her comedy in the 2000s.
During the COVID-19 pandemic, she made a series of voice over clips of politicians and other well known personalities. The following year, she was dropped from a pantomime performance of Beauty and the Beast after a series of controversial racist tweets emerged, for which Godley later apologised. She was later diagnosed with ovarian cancer, from which she died in 2024.

Reviews

[Fern A · Rating 4 out of 5]

Still hilarious a year later

[Isabel Humphreys · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great belly laugh read. Janey has hit the right note with her portrayal of the FM in this hysterically funny book. Something to lighten the mood in these dark times.

[A W Main · Rating 1 out of 5]

Initially, it was funny, but ultimately, it's one joke is a horse that was flogged long after it gasped its last breath.

Page after page after page of variations of the same joke killed the humour.

I stayed at home, I wore a mask and followed the rules. I listened to 'oor Nic' and still consider that she and her team had the publics health as their number one priority, but I'm glad I didn't read this during the period of lockdown as its a bit too much like water torture.

[Anthony · Rating 5 out of 5]

Janey Godley (2020) FRANK GET THE DOOR! MA FEET ARE KILLIN ME
Edinburgh. Luath Press

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 5 out of 5 stars

The Daily Record, Scotland writes, "Since lockdown began, people have woken up to Janey Godley’s comedy by the hundreds of thousands. They have been drawn to her work by the sweary reheats of Nicola Sturgeon’s daily Covid-19 press briefings. Godley has provided moments of relief from the state of national anxiety with her gallus Glesga interpretations of the FM’s national address, which have been shared around the country with much glee. Now everyone knows about Godley’s voiceover sketches – such as You, Me, Isa McNamee, Philomena and all the Sandras."

If you haven't seen the skits Janey does then I strongly suggest you Google her, sit back and piss yourself with laughter. She is hilarious and she's been a humongous antidote to the crap times were are living through right now!

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[Jackie Chuter · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is laugh-out-loud funny, but you might need to be in Scotland during the COVID pandemic to really get it. Also, it helps to be familiar with key politicians in the UK. The book documents the text of Janey Godley's comedic voiceovers of Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon's daily coronavirus briefings, as seen on Youtube. It is written phonetically in Godley's heavy Glaswegian accent, so it is fun to read it aloud while trying to mimic her speech. Godley does a great job of humorously re-writing the briefings without undermining the message of social distancing and community consciousness that the First Minister tries to convey. The book really captures the feeling of being in the midst of the pandemic, with all of the accommodations we made and the feelings of anxiety alternating with hope. Because it is a compilation of short briefing scripts, the book is easy to pick up and read for 10 or 15 minutes at lunch and then put down. I found that it really brightened my day during a time when there was so much bad news.

[Trish · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Ye were tellt”! Very sweary and very funny.
A collection of transcripts of Janey’s voiceovers of Nicola Sturgeon’s Covid press briefings between 22/04/20 and 31/08/20 which have become a regular pick-me-up during the pandemic.

The FM of course did not say anything as rude as the words Janey has attributed to her - and I don’t suggest she even thought some of it!

Janey expresses the importance of following Covid precautions in Scots, and with no pulled punches. Trump, Johnson and Cummings get a piece of her mind.

I laughed out loud- a lot.

[Ross Sutherland · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious but also a great record of these strange times. Essential.

[Jazza1971 · Rating 5 out of 5]

A perfect history of the year 2020 (up to the end of August anyway) and a chance to relive some of Jane's classic take on Nicola Surgeon's daily briefings. Very funny.

[Zoë · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very funny

This was very funny and uplifting. Just perfect for all the room and gloom that going on right now. Well done

[Lynda Hutchison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious. Just what we need at the moment. Well done Janey xxx

[Ruth · Rating 4 out of 5]

The videos were ultimately better but still an amusing wee book!

[Alison · Rating 5 out of 5]

very funny and true at the time Jane had written it

[Sharon · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's funny and gave me a few laughs