Walking Through Fire: A Memoir of Loss and Redemption

by Vaneetha Rendall Risner

Vaneetha Risner contracted polio as an infant, was misdiagnosed, and lived with widespread paralysis. She lived in and out of the hospital for ten years and, after each stay, would return to a life filled with bullying. When she became a Christian, though, she thought things would get easier, and they did: carefree college days, a dream job in Boston, and an MBA from Stanford where she met and married a classmate. But life unraveled. Again. She had four miscarriages. Her son died because of a doctor's mistake. And Vaneetha was diagnosed with post-polio syndrome, meaning she would likely become a quadriplegic. And then her husband betrayed her and moved out, leaving her to raise two adolescent daughters alone. This was not the abundant life she thought God had promised her. But, as Vaneetha discovered, everything she experienced was designed to draw her closer to Christ as she discovered "that intimacy with God in suffering can be breathtakingly beautiful."

Genres: Christian, Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography Memoir, Faith, Biography, Grief

Audio CD

First published January 1, 2021

About the author

Vaneetha Rendall Risner is a freelance writer and a regular contributor to Desiring God. She blogs at danceintherain.com, although she doesn’t like rain and has no sense of rhythm. Vaneetha is married to Joel and has two daughters, Katie and Kristi. She and Joel live in Raleigh, North Carolina.

Reviews

[Melanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is remarkable. It is honest and raw, yet filled with hope and joy. I laughed and I cried. Vaneetha's story is at times heartbreaking, but her joy and amazing sense of humor are palpable throughout the book. Vaneetha's memoir will provide inspiration and hope to all who read it, but throughout you'll be aware that she is a real woman with real struggles.

I particularly appreciated that she was forthright with her struggles as a parent of teenage daughters. Vaneetha doesn't set herself up as a mentor or teacher or expert, she shares real struggles and failures, raw conversations, and honest questions.

Read this book. Be encouraged. Be inspired. Be reminded that God loves you and will never leave you.

[Janilyn Kocher · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a powerful memoir. Risner leans heavily in her faith. She has needed that conviction to carry her through very dark times. Debilitating health issues, death of a child, a cheating spouse, and angry daughters, she survived it all. I read this book after having a frustrating day, but nothing compared to what she has endured. Although physically weak, she has been very strong. I think she was too kind To forgive her lout of an ex husband, but that's her business. If anyone thinks they have it horrible, read this book, you'll be hard pressed to beat what the author has experienced. Thanks to Edelweiss and Thomas Nelson for the early read.

[Kathleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

The astonishing, Job-like story of how an existence filled with loss, suffering, questioning, and anger became a life filled with shocking and incomprehensible peace and joy.
When Vaneetha Risner's infant son died due to doctor's error, she felt devoid of purpose, of thought, and even feeling. Hadn't she suffered enough?
'Walking Through Fire' is a raw and utterly compelling memoir of one woman's courageous journey toward wholeness amid a world of brokenness. With laughter and heartbreak, honesty and hope, Vaneetha's story reminds us that the same God who walked with her through fire is present with each of us in our pain - and offers a purpose and peace that is breathtakingly beautiful.
5 stars

[Kristina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I devoured this audiobook without stopping and am left so inspired by Risner. In her autobiography she shares an incredibly powerful testimony through so much suffering. From the loss of her precious baby boy, to her challenges with polio, to an unfaithful husband and a diagnosis of post-polio- she has trusted and relied on God through it all.

I highly recommend listening to the song Held from Natalie Grant after reading, as the lyrics were written about Paul, the baby boy who went to be with Jesus. It's beautiful and so emotional, just like this book. Highly recommend.

[Esther · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finished in one day. Highly recommend this memoir.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a compulsive read that had me lamenting and praising in turn. I started the book at 8:30 on a Saturday morning, and other than a break to refill my coffee cup, I didn't move from my chair until I turned the last page around 3 in the afternoon.
This is a story of how God gives and takes away and gives again in the author's life, and it's a story of the goodness and glory of God himself through every step of her journey.
Preorder a copy today and add it to your TBR pile! (Note: My review is based on an advance copy of the proofs that I received from the publisher. I received no remuneration of any kind for this review.)

[Alanna Linden · Rating 5 out of 5]

Part way thru and love that a book this easy to read has so much depth. This is a true story and great memoir.

[Allison Bailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible and a tear jerker. I first heard parts of Vaneetha’s story on the Desiring God website years ago. Hers is a powerful story of loss. So much is stripped away: her physical body, her dreams, her marriage, her baby, friends, and more. I appreciated her honesty in her responses - Her doubts, fears, and questions, and even her sinful reactions. And still, you see a woman whose faith grows ever-stronger in the midst of suffering. A faith that impacts the lives of the same people who hurt her most. If you want to understand where God is in the midst of your suffering, be encouraged by the example of Vaneetha’s walk. Warning: If you are like me, you won’t be able to put it down!

[Deborah Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful.
This amazing woman of God took blow after blow, and yet continued so strongly in her faith.

I didn't know her story before reading this book, so as she described each new development, I was thinking, 'Oh no, surely not another bad thing. Surely not'.

If anyone had 'reason' for bitterness, it was her. And yet she chose, again and again, love. She chose prayer. She chose faith.
Inspiring.

[Aszerina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh man!! So many tears listening to this book! It felt so unfair that she has been through so much! I even knew some of her story via her blogs and yet hearing it all in this book broke my heart all over again. Vaneetha is so open and vulnerable about her struggles and doesn't try to sugar coat herself or paint herself in a better light, which I respect. But I love to see the way God is writing her story and giving her so much joy and hope in the midst of suffering. A great book, 5 stars!!

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

A super honest, relatable, and inspiring memoir from a woman who has experienced suffering in a myriad of ways, but has chosen to look to God for her hope and help. I related to her story on so many levels: her loss of a child, the heartache in her marriage, and the loneliness of raising kids unsupported. She's so honest with the good, bad, and the ugly that you just feel as if she is a kindred spirit. Her beautiful heart...and faith...shine through on every page.

[Skip Sanders · Rating 5 out of 5]

This one came out of nowhere and hit me like a sledgehammer. The premise is simple it starts as a young girl and her life is one painful trial after another. A true modern day Job, this is about a God who seemingly slays her, yet , somehow, she learn to trust. She’s written such a raw memoir mixed with hope. She allows you to walk alongside her through her perils and let’s you look inside her heart. And your heart will truly ache. The inner struggles she shares are some we never imagine pushing through. All the while trying to hold it together and love the people around her. There are poignant scenes and daily struggles she shares and her writing is smoothe and effortless. This is one you can’t put down, almost like you can’t look away, but again it is mixed with hope and community and love. And her words have power because you can’t deny what she’s walked through is fire. 4.5/5 stars

[Kathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Captivating, Encouraging, and Challenging

Just finished listening to the audio version of this book, read by the author, as I await my pre-ordered hard copy of the title. What a privilege to be drawn into this compelling and transparent journey of Vaneetha’s life, as she walks her readers through the deep physical, emotional, and spiritual valleys she has experienced. And what joy can be found in the faithful and sovereign God who meets her in her suffering, walks with her, carries her, and gives her strength, perseverance, and hope in the midst of her pain and sorrow. This work is raw, vulnerable, and poignant, yet offers great encouragement to fellow sufferers as well as those who come alongside those who are suffering. A helpful book to keep on hand, and buy a few extra to give to those in your life who are hurting.

[Ashlyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend this book. Full of honesty and vulnerability. Vaneetha’s story really tugged on my heart and made me cry at times. I was especially touched by how she grieved honestly through all of the pain and heartbreak she’s experienced. Such a strong testimony of the Lord's work in her life. I learned so much from her story. What it looks like to be honest and raw with emotions, how to lament, the importance of scripture memory, and what forgiveness practically looks like.

[Barbara Tsipouras · Rating 5 out of 5]

We often hear "Your suffering is small compared to..." and don't draw any comfort from it. In this case it's true. I can not imagine going through all Vaneesha went through and still be happy and still trust in God.
It's an impressive and honest memoir that makes you feel for her and makes you see our own problems in a different light.

[Nina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book. So thankful to read very similar questions I have also asked about suffering. That could only happen with an authentic author. This book is wonderful and shows depth of sorrow, hard questions, raw emotions, but it brings you face to face with hope. It’s beautiful and I highly recommend it.

[Brittany Burton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although she lived a life that was full of trials and suffering, Vaneetha shows us what it means to grieve with hope. Invaluable to anyone who is walking through a difficult time or knows someone who is.

[Donna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Vaneetha is a very strong woman. I am glad that she moved on from her first husband. I appreciate her ability to keep her faith and deal with all the heartbreak in her life.

[Jackie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book. Very heartfelt and and truthful.

[Joann 'bartunek' prashek · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very captivating and quick read. Life is not all roses and it's better if you show your true feelings rather than push them down and pretend everything is okay. Vaneetha found this to be true through her faith in God.

I love her admonitions and the encouragements she lists at the end of the book...

Don't try to walk straight
Don't be ashamed of your skin color or having polio or being divorced
Don't stress about results
Don't pretend you are okay when you're not

It's okay to take longer
It's okay to be different
Its okay to be sad, disappointed, and angry
It's okay to speak your mind
Its okay to be yourself

[Rachel Mayes Allen · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is always a gift to be told somebody's life story, especially when it is as full and as winding as Risner's. Her testimony of faith through suffering is powerful. That being said, the book itself was not particularly powerful in either its writing style or its theological insights, and I was hoping it would be.

[Emily Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

"It is purposelessness, not sorrow, that squelches joy."

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was so good! Vaneetha is so incredibly honest. Tons of valuable content that will help me in my walk with the Lord.

[Jocelyn M · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was emotional! What do you do when the suffering keeps coming? Why does God allow it? How can you still trust that God is good?

These are some questions that I have been struggling with for several years now, but especially the past few months, so I was emotionally invested in this book.

Honestly, when I read about all of the ways others had hurt Vaneetha, it made me really MAD! Why are people so cruel?! I guess it just shows that I have a long way to go when it comes to accepting suffering and forgiving others.

I admired Vaneetha's close, open relationship with her sister, and her support system of fellow church members, friends, and counselors.

It was shocking and relatable to see Vaneetha's volatile interactions with her children and I appreciate her honesty in sharing them.

Vaneetha's story is a beautiful testimony. I hope God will work in my life to change my attitude and increase my faith like He did in her life.

Some verses, etc, that were shared in this book that spoke to me:

"For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly."
-1 Peter 2:19

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
-The Serenity Prayer

"See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no 'root of bitterness' springs up and causes trouble"
-Hebrews 12:15

"For in a severe test of affliction, their abundance of joy and their extreme poverty have overflowed in a wealth of generosity."
-2 Corinthians 8:2

I recommend this book, especially for anyone who has experienced one devastation after another.

CW: child death, infidelity, disability, physical pain

[Paige Cuthbertson| Turning_Every_Paige · Rating 5 out of 5]

Walking Through Fire by Vaneetha Rendall Risner (Review)

Summary: Vaneetha Risner’s memoir is the story of a woman brought low and getting back up over and over again. It’s the story of a good God who teaches, loves, and holds those who are hurting. The author has suffered so much in her lifetime— polio and its horrible complications, childhood bullying, betrayal, infant loss, becoming physically unable to do things she loves— yet with every new pain inflicted, and with every loss, she was drawn to the God who never let her go.

Thoughts: I was instantly captivated by this dear woman’s story. I only put the book down because I had to! Her faith was inspiring, and she magnified the Lord with every page. It was a blessing and an honor to enter her story. It made me cry, and it made me pray, it made me think. I can’t recommend it highly enough!

I know some people don’t like to rate memoirs since they’re personal stories. I, however, *do* rate them, based not on the content, but on HOW the story is told. This book is so well-written. The chronology isn’t confusing, despite jumping between childhood and adulthood several times. It’s thoughtful and poignant.

Swipe to see some quotes from the book!

5 ⭐️

Content warnings: infidelity, illness, medical malpractice, medical abuse, domestic fights, infant loss, miscarriage

[Lena Morrison · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’d been wanting to read this book for quite some time. And now that I did, I will honestly recommend it to everyone, especially to Christian people.

Vaneetha is so unflinchingly honest. Not only does she detail the circumstances that occurred to her (her polio and post-polio syndrome, the death of her infant son and all her miscarriages, and the horrible double unfaithfulness of her husband) but she also acknowledges the wounds she inflicted on her two beloved daughters.

It is this honesty that prompts me to recommend this book. She doesn’t offer a sanitized view of reality. Her own story only gets a partial “happy ending” (on this side of the new heavens and new earth). But she shares how lament brought her closer to God and eventually enabled her to forgive others and trust God’s love for her.

There is no answer for suffering. But there is God with us, comforting us and bringing good out of evil. If there is anything I learned from Vaneetha’s wonderful story, it is that.

[Panda Incognito · Rating 5 out of 5]

This profoundly moving memoir tells the story of Vaneetha Rendall Risner's life, and how God has been with her in the midst of excruciating loss, physical suffering, and emotional pain. Because of the heavy topics that this book covers, people with similar trauma stories should be aware of the ways that this book might be triggering for them, but Risner writes about her life in a way that is deeply engaging for anyone, making it very difficult to put this book down. When I first picked this up, I thought that I was just going to read a chapter or two, but I read the book all the way through in one night, going to bed in the wee hours.

An Unforgettable Story

This is one of the best memoirs I have ever read. Risner writes with tremendous pathos and honesty about her polio disability, her miscarriages, her husband's adultery, the loss of her son to medical mismanagement, chronic pain and fears for the future, the dissolution of her marriage, and the parenting challenges that she faced after her husband abandoned their family. Throughout the book, she weaves in different elements of her life story while keeping the chronology of events clear, and she writes with precise and vivid detail, bringing people to life on the page. For example, it is obvious how deeply she and her sister love each other, because in addition to telling us how much this relationship means to her, she shows us their bond and their dynamic through vivid, dramatized scenes from the past.

This book is full of personal details that bring the story to life, and Risner selected her emphases carefully. She never wastes a detail, and each element that she draws into the story has an impact on how it unfolds. I am very impressed with how well she structured this memoir, and she also made me laugh multiple times with her clever observations, humorous stories, and ability to see the funny side of life even in the midst of suffering. Despite how heavy this book is at times, it is an enjoyable and rewarding reading experience, and Risner's vivid writing brings her story to life in an unforgettable way.

Raw, Unfiltered Honesty

Risner writes about her life and family with unfiltered detail, but she does this with other people's permission. According to the disclaimer at the beginning of the book, she changed some names and identifying details to protect others' privacy, and in the acknowledgements, she thanks her ex-husband and daughters for supporting her in telling her story. With their blessing, she is incredibly honest and forthright about raw details from their personal struggles, and that gives this book power to change people's lives. I was particularly touched by the elements of the story related to parenting challenges, since she dramatizes on the page what other authors might only vaguely refer to. She gives a sense of the trauma that her daughters dealt with as their father left the family, and she writes about both typical and unique ways that her relationship with her girls suffered during their teenage years.

Because Risner is honest about her own sins and failings, she is able to write about other people's wrongdoing without blaming them or seeming unfair, and this realistic, honest portrait of her family can be incredibly helpful to people who are walking through similar trials. Although I deeply appreciated what she wrote about her infant son's death in the late nineties, I have read other books about the loss of a child, and recognized many similar elements and themes. What she wrote about dynamics with her teenage children was incredibly different from anything that I have read before, and I greatly admire her daughters' willingness to give up this element of their privacy, letting their mother minister to others by writing with such specificity about their interactions and struggles.

A Must-Read

I found this entire book profoundly moving, and could not put it down. Risner writes beautifully about how God has sustained her through the fire of suffering, and she is honest about her spiritual doubts and struggles without oversimplifying life or seeming preachy. She also writes about her church experiences in a balanced, nuanced way. I found the details of how her church leadership supported her very encouraging and inspiring, but she is also honest about the struggles that she faced with feeling like other people couldn't understand her, and with having to overcome people-pleasing tendencies that made her feel overwhelmed and inadequate in the face of conflicting advice from well-meaning people.

Because Walking Through Fire is so raw, authentic, and personal, I believe that people can connect with it regardless of their faith background. I would recommend this to Christians, first and foremost, but I would also encourage people who don't share the author's faith to give this a try, if they are curious about her story or have gone through something similar. This is a wonderful book for fellow sufferers, whether they have walked a similar path or struggled in different ways, and this book can also be life-changing for people who have never suffered in an extreme way, but who still need to process how God can allow suffering and still be good. This book can help people find greater peace within heartbreaking circumstances, and can help them become more understanding and caring to sufferers in their lives.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Walking Through Fire" by Vaneetha Risner is an incredibly compelling narrative of the author's own journey through pain, grief, and redemption. I consider this book to be the best one I read in 2021 (and I read up to 3-5 books a week) and have already given it to my kids and closest friends because it connected with me on such a deep level. Because of how relatable Vaneetha's experience is, I had the impression that I was going through it with her.

The aspect of this book that I cherished the most was Vaneetha's candor and openness in telling her experience. She is not afraid to talk about the challenging parts of her journey or to downplay the suffering and heartbreak she went through. But despite everything, she was able to recognize God's goodness in each circumstance and found comfort and hope in His love. She truly inspires and encourages us with her faith and trust in God.

It's simple to get sucked into Vaneetha's story because of her captivating writing style, which is also simple to read. She describes how God spoke to her in profound ways through particular Biblical verses and how He used various persons and circumstances in her life to demonstrate His love and care for her. Her experiences serve as a testament to the idea that God is always present, even in the depths of our despair.

I really liked how God used Vaneetha's story to minister to others, rather than just telling the story of her personal journey. Her book serves as a reminder that we can utilize our own struggles and suffering to raise people around us and lead them to Christ's healing and hope.

Overall, "Walking Through Fire" is a remarkable book that, in my opinion, will impact a lot of lives. I am thankful to have read Vaneetha's bravery in sharing her experience since it is a real gift to the world. Anybody who is going through a difficult period or who wants to strengthen their relationship with God should read this book, in my opinion. It serves as a lovely reminder of God's goodness toward us even when we are going through difficult times and how He is always there for us, holding us in His arms.

[Reyna]

What a life. If you are suffering from any kind of illness, pain, or loss, the best I can do for you is to encourage you to meet other christian people who suffer, but the ones who suffer well, with faith, founded on the Rock, Christ and His Word. Otherwise you may pass out and you will want to quit, thinking that you are "the only person in the world" who has so many "problems" or pain. Vaneetha has been a lovely example for me from through the distance and even when she doesn´t know me I feel that I love her. Since her book "The scars that have shaped me" I have felt her as a friend living in another country so far away, and I´m the one who prays for her through the distance. This book is a bit different because it is like an autobiography, you will find more details of how it got to where it stands today. Personally, I enjoyed "The scars that have shaped me" a lot and this one helped me to understand how that process and what lead her to where she is today. I am grateful to God for Vaneetha's life and everything she shares encourages me to think that her existence has an eternal and glorious purpose, even in the lives of people like me, whom she will never meet, and she has encouraged and shared hope in the middle of chaos. Her pain has a purpose, at least for me, and her fidelity in the midst of tears, valleys, and loneliness too. I would love to meet her one day and give her a very strong hug, and simply say: thank you, for being with me in my room, in bed, in the midst of my own tears, illness, heartbreak, and pain. Thanks for writing, for being there. Allowing God to break you will bear fruit. This book is a gift for people who love Christ and want to remain faithful even though everything seems to collapse around them. Consider getting this book even if you are not walking through fire right now, because someday the most certain thing is that you will. I hope they will translate it into Spanish soon, one of my dreams is to help translate some of the books that I review in English first and that I like, inspire or encourage.

[Charis · Rating 5 out of 5]

After contracting polio as a child, living in and out of the hospital for ten years, suffering bullying throughout school, going through four miscarriages and the death of her son, being diagnosed with post-polio syndrome, and being betrayed and left by her husband, many would wonder how Vaneetha Risner has a heart so full of joy.

In a Job-like narrative, Risner shares her life and testimony, living proof that suffering can lead to a beautiful place full of God’s abundance for the ones he treasures. Through storytelling and reflection, Risner brings light to eternity, and that this life’s suffering is only for a time. Risner’s path to intimacy with Christ proved to be full of pain and trials, but every time she asked God for the strength to persist, she became filled with his unfathomable peace. This memoir is a stunning piece of writing that beautifully tells of God’s ultimate design and unfailing faithfulness.

In Risner’s words, “Life is a journey, yes, but only if there’s a destination. I’m on my way to my father’s house, and I absolutely cannot wait for the party. When I get there, I will jog, run, sprint, race, and finally leap into the arms of my savior.”

Anyone going through trials of their own, those seeking what true intimacy with God looks like, and those looking for an all-around inspiring story of a sister in Christ would enjoy this memoir.

In the end, Risner always makes sure that her story centers around God, and not herself. Risner’s life is a wonderful picture on how God uses suffering to draw the ones he loves closer to him. Speckled throughout with Risner’s journal entries, prayers, and verses she found precious, Walking Through Fire is a masterpiece of beauty that shows what joys can ultimately be found in this life through Christ’s redemption.