When the Two Seas Meet: Building bonds Excelling in the role of Mother-in-Law

by Mumtaz Raffi, Umm Muhammad

Being a good mother-in-law is challenging. Still, the role of mother-in-law is one of the most important in ensuring healthy family dynamics. Within this book lies a treasure chest of heart-touching advises based on the Islamic perspective on how to help shift the focus from the negative qualities to the positive ones, from thinking bad and criticizing, to empathizing, pardoning and overlooking. Thus developing an atmosphere of trust, warmth harmony, contentment and gratitude, in this sensitive relationship. Ultimately seeking Allah's pleasure.

3 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 26, 2020

Reviews

[Samama Reza · Rating 5 out of 5]

The complicated relationship between a mother in-law and a daughter in-law was defined profoundly in this beautiful book called When the Two Seas Meet. This book had my earnest attention from the very first chapter - where the author mentioned about how, even with different backgrounds and lifestyles, individuals can live together in harmony if they give each other their own space and boundaries - just like the two seas mentioned in the Quran, about how the two ocean never cross each other’s line, and in the process reserve their own unique magnificence. I found that example beautiful.

I found this book very useful - even though I’m not a mother in law. It spoke about adjusting with new people in your life, and that’s something I’ve always been nervous about, as I’ve only ever found true comfort within the small group of people that I trust.

When the Two Seas Meet teaches us how to adjust with new people in our lives with plenty of beautifully compiled advices with Islamic references, so it’s good for anyone who’s having difficulties adjusting with new members in their family or in their friend circle.
If I ever have a mother in law, I’ll make sure to gift this to her and suggest her to read it, so we can understand and find love for each other in this rather confusing world.

This book gets a 5/5 stars from me.

“Your wounds can be turned into your wisdom; your stumbling blocks can be your stepping stones if you choose. Do not miss the remarkable opportunity that adversity and even tragedy presents. Your life can be even better by the things that break your heart...”

[Khulood [IG:Khulogophile_reads] · Rating 5 out of 5]

مَرَجَ ٱلْبَحْرَيْنِ يَلْتَقِيَانِ
بَيْنَهُمَا بَرْزَخٌۭ يَبْغِيَانِ
فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ
-"He released the two seas, meeting [side by side]
Between them is a barrier [so] neither of them transgresses
So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny" (Surah AR-Rahman 55:19-22)
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💙"Review"
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💙When i saw the title of the book it instantly captured my attention, it reminded me of two seas that has been mentioned in our Quran. and i really liked how author has related the two seas with "Mother-in-law" and "daughter-in-law" relationship. The book is about the guidance of the complex relationship of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and the journey of a woman fr being a mother into mother-in-law. The changes she experiences and a lot of other things.
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💙 everything has been explained well with the reference of Qur'anic verses. I'm not a mother-in-law yet but this book is not for mothers-in-law but for every woman or everyone should in order to understand the role of being a mother-in-law. as it provides guidance that how a woman should overcome different negative thoughts that hits her mind when she becomes a mother-in-law. And being a daughter-in-law a woman could learn how not react negatively and should understand that what her mother-in-law is adjusting herself in a new environment.
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💙To understand a women's concern and other issues toward sharing her son. everything might seems good at the beginning but after passing time things could change and to understand that this is a perfect book of guidance. Positive points were mentioned that things can be go positively with affection, kind genstures and showing warmth towards each other.
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💙 Thank you author for writing this awesome book 😊 and helping all the women out there 🤎So glad that i got the opportunity to read this book

[Zainab Bint Younus · Rating 2 out of 5]

"When the Two Seas Meet: Building bonds, excelling in the role of Mother-In-Law" by Umm Muhammad is presented as a guide to Muslim women transitioning to becoming mothers-in-Law to their new daughters-in-law.

Let me begin by saying that I think it's a great topic to be tackled, and not one that I've seen commonly discussed in Muslim circles.

However, in terms of implementation... there is much left to be desired. The author writes profusely on the importance of emaan, tawakkul, sabr, and other Islamic values, which I certainly don't discount. However, there is little to no attention paid to how culture, social conditioning, mental health, learned toxic relationship patterns, and more all shape and impact many MiL/DiL relationships. It would have been valuable to include references to discussions in psychology/ sociology with regards to things like establishing healthy boundaries, overcoming jealousy, and learning to build a positive relationship with one's DiL.

All in all, this is a very surface-level discussion of a topic that deserves a lot more time and attention. I respect the author's intention behind writing this book, but it certainly needs a great deal more information and professional expertise. There are also some issues in terms of formatting errors and phrasing of the overall book - a risk taken by self-publishers is that they rarely involve professional editors, unfortunately.

[Murshidha · Rating 5 out of 5]

MashaAllah, a wonderful book. I had read the paperback copy though. This book starts slowly by explaining the principle of 2 seas one with salt water and other with freshwater. Author had taken that beautiful comparison. How a mother changes to mother-in law, what all the transition can happen, how the relationship goes wrong is neatly explained. Then, author had mentioned points how to overcome jealousy, how to make the mother -in lae relationship the ideal one, what would be the thoughts of daughter -in law and how to handle them with reference to Quran verses. Rulings of Islam and how patience, gratitude, Istighfar and other things builds a relationship is wonderfully potrayed. Even the importance of physical fitness for Mother-in law is mentioned as well. Its a MUST MUST MUST READ

[Samia · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is a collection of advices to a Mother-in-Law to have a healthy, loving and a holistic relationship with her Daughter-in-Law. The author covers several different issue that can arise in such a relationship and attempts to offer solutions to help the mother-in-law overcome those issues.

PROS:
- The book contained lots of carefully chosen Quranic ayat and ahadith that illustrate the specific issue at hand.
- The author attempted quite skillfully to offer the spiritual solutions to the listed problems.

CONS:
- The book felt lacking in regards to the solutions being offered. All situations were advised to be handled only through tazkiyah which, I feel, dismiss the many other factors that are involved in a person's response.
- The to-d0 list was exhaustive. The basic answer to every problem the author brings up was to be a better Muslim. Pray more, do adhkar more, read Quran more, have more patience, be less jealous etc etc. At one point, the text became redundant.
- This cursory approach to addressing the concerns in such a relationship failed to give any new insights into the situation. The book would have benefited from personal or relatable experiences to illustrate some points, some psychological discussions to help recognize the why's of the mother-in-law's behavior all the while making it a more engaging read over all.
- The author mentioned several times that the reason why a MIL and DIL relationship becomes strained is because "they both love the same man." I wish different verbiage was used or the problematic nature of this sentiment was discussed to some level.

Overall, I found that this book lacked severely in an insightful discussion on the MIL-DIL relationship. The wording was redundant, little was said in many words, the advices seemed overly sterile as they lacked any personal insight, and felt as it would serve as a reminder rather than a tool to help a person overcome any problem.

I admired and appreciated the thoughtful choices of Hadith and quranic ayat, of which there were plenty. The author placed a heavy burden on a personal relationship with Allah ﷻ that create many different problems in all sorts of relationships, which was refreshing to read because books generally don't mention the spiritual aspect of an interpersonal problem. I added on another star for this reason.

Overall, this book could have benefited from a more researched, thoughtful, and multifaceted approach which would have made it an indispensable tool to weave through such a complex relationship for societies in which the DIL lives with her in-laws. The lack of them leaves a lot to be desired and fails more than a handful workable solutions.


This book was sent to me for review.

[Zenubia Arsalan · Rating 4 out of 5]

When the Two Seas Meet by Mumtaz Raffi and Umm Muhammad
I haven't come across any book explicitly addressing relationship advice to mothers-in-law from an Islamic perspective. That’s why this book is a gem of a find. Full of beautiful reminders reframe the delicate relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in terms of taqwa, tawakkal, husn dhann, and ehsaan. It’s a short read peppered with straightforward advice tied in with relevant ayahs and ahadith.

The title is a parable for relations, inspired by the ayah that talks about the two seas, the sweet and the salty, that flow side by side in complete harmony. Can we take a minute to appreciate this gorgeous cover.

It would make a beautiful gift not just for the MILs but also for daughters-in-law, in fact for all the people in the household ready to make space to welcome a new member into the family.

[Fabina Aneez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Maasha Allah! Excellent book. It's a must read.

[Sarah Adam · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can now understand and appreciate the struggles of my mother-in-law; and love, respect and look up to her even more. The book is rich with advices and action plans that are applicable to any kind of relationship. The best part is its constant focus on doing what's right to please our Creator, Allah SWT, which in turn will make our families thrive.
This book is truly one for building bonds.

[Zerin · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read book... !!!

A tool kit every muslimah should keep handy for a peaceful and a righteous journey .

[Alina Gul · Rating 5 out of 5]

BOOK: WHEN THE TWO SEAS MEET
AUTHOR: MUMTAZ RAFFI PUBLISHER: INDEPENDENT PUBLISHERS GROUP

INTRODUCTION:
“When The Two Seas Meet” mentions challenges faced by a mother-in-law and how to overcome them with wisdom, dignity and grace. This book gave a whole new perspective towards life and relationships. The importance of patience, gratitude, dua and adhkar are also emphasized.
ARGUMENTS:
• I personally like the title of this book as the first thought that derived from the title was the ayah in Surah Rehman where Allah Almighty mentions two seas, one sweet and the other salty but with barrier which they don’t transverse. This proffers the marvelous creation of Allah Almighty.
• I like the point of view that author unfold the concept through the Islamic point of view that son has to take care of his family and its not the wife responsibility to cook clean, care for them. If she does that, she does it out of her good manners and earns extra reward from Allah.
CONCLUSIONS:
The best solution given in this book for a mother-in-law is to follow the Quran and Sunnah this will prevent misunderstandings and resentments among any family members. This book is excellently written and I totally agreed with the author as the author explains everything in the light of Quranic Verses. I like the way that the author addresses such a topic in positive way.


REVIEWED BY: ALINA GUL
ROLL NO: 21-SE-20
(SOFTWARE ENGINEERING DEPARTMENT)
UNIVERSITY OF ENGINEERING AND TECHNOLOGY, TAXILA

[Irni Farid · Rating 4 out of 5]

I stayed together with my mother in law for 23 years. Life was simple and peaceful. Now, I myself a mother in law. Though we don't stay together, I maintain the simplicity and peacefulness.

Nice read. I love the analogy of when the two seas meet. I believe more that the ship captain plays a major role in a marriage and family life.

[Khadeejah E. · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very intellectual, profound book. Eloquently written.

[Faqiha Shafique]

Review:
'When The Two Seas Meet' is the debut book of Mumtaz Raffi. The book mentions challenges faced by a mother-in-law, and how to overcome them with wisdom, dignity and grace. This book gave me a whole new perspective towards life and relationships.
The importance of patience, gratitude, istighfar, dua and adhkar are also emphasized. The book explains in detail how to strengthen ourselves physically, emotionally and spiritually.
What's even more interesting is that the tips and techniques shared in this book are applicable for anyone going through issues in relationships or trials in life, teaching how to deal with them, and develop into a well balanced human being.
The book is written very beautifully – full of positive vibes without any bitterness or blame-game. It is packed full of beneficial knowledge supported by references from the Quran and Hadith.
I highly recommend it to everyone.

[Noorie Hassan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book beautifully explains the complicated relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law. The author describes the role of a mother-in-law in her daughter-in-law’s life; how she should accept and welcome her in the family, how she should respect her (it’s a two-way process: the mother-in-law should respect the daughter-in-law in order for the daughter-in-law to respect her back) and give her space, time and privacy. The mother-in-law should make the first move and initiate this relationship instead of expecting it from the new member. Unfortunately in our society, it’s the exact opposite; a daughter-in-law is expected to work and take care of the whole family from the very next day of her marriage. The author unfolds this concept through the Islamic point of view that the son has to take care of his family and it’s not his wife’s responsibility to cook, clean and care for them; if she does that, she does it out of her good manners, goodwill and earns extra reward from Allah. The mother-in-law is the mature person in this relationship so it’s her duty/responsibility to take the first step and take good care of her daughter-in-law, help in every chore, cook food for her and most importantly give her privacy instead of coming between the couple and harming her relationship with not only the daughter-in-law but her son as well. She should accept the daughter-in-law as her own daughter. The best solution given in this book for a mother-in-law is to follow the Quran and Sunnah, this will prevent misunderstandings and resentments among any family member. This book is excellently written; the author explains everything (the dos and donts) in the light of the Quranic verses, so it’s easy to understand and interpret. I highly recommend this book.

[Humaira Ali Khan Lodhi · Rating 5 out of 5]

مَرَجَ الۡبَحۡرَيۡنِ يَلۡتَقِيٰنِۙ‏ ۝ بَيۡنَهُمَا بَرۡزَخٌ لَّا يَبۡغِيٰنِ​ۚ‏ ۝ فَبِاَىِّ اٰلَاۤءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبٰنِ‏۝ يَخۡرُجُ مِنۡهُمَا اللُّـؤۡلُـؤُ وَالۡمَرۡجَانُ۝

𝐻𝑒 𝑢𝑛𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠ℎ𝑒𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑡𝑤𝑜 𝑠𝑒𝑎𝑠 𝑠𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑚𝑒𝑟𝑔𝑒 𝑡𝑜𝑔𝑒𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑦𝑒𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝑏𝑎𝑟𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚 𝑤ℎ𝑖𝑐ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑚𝑎𝑦 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑝. 𝑊ℎ𝑖𝑐ℎ 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑜𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝐿𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡𝑤𝑎𝑖𝑛 – 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑚𝑒𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑗𝑖𝑛𝑛 – 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑑𝑒𝑛𝑦? 𝐹𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑠𝑒 𝑠𝑒𝑎𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑡ℎ 𝑝𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑙𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑐𝑜𝑟𝑎𝑙.

❣ This is an astonishing book that is rich with Quranic lessons and advice for Mother-in-law but these pieces of advice apply to other relationships as well. This book is a guide for mother-in-law that how to excel in this new role and how to outdo any odds of this new challenging relationship. The Ayaats mentioned above is perfectly summarize that how Allah released the salty and freshwater side by side but both never merged and flow in their way, same for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, both are like two seas, and if they don't transgress their boundaries then they can live in harmony.

❣ This book addresses the core issues that a mother faced after her son got married and enlightened her about the role of Mother-in-law in the light of the Glorious Quran and Hadith that how to introspect their emotions and feeling. This is a guidebook to set boundaries to deal with this pivotal role and maintain a healthy family. This book guidances you that how Quran is beneficial in this regard and how we get help from Quran. The author beautifully penned down all the challenges of mother-in-law and their solutions in the reflection of the Quran and Hadith. The author rightly wrote that if we love someone for the sake of Allah then that relationship prosper and Allah will reward us.
هَلْ جَزَاءُ الْإِحْسَانِ إِلَّا الْإِحْسَانُ۝

𝐼𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑑 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑑 [𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔] 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑑?

❣ I recommend this incredible book to all of you especially to the mothers of sons who are going to be mother-in-law in the future.

Ｍｙ　Ｒａｔｉｎｇ: 5/5⭐

[Rumaisa Bilal · Rating 5 out of 5]

“𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝐻𝑒 (𝐴𝑙𝑙𝑎ℎ) 𝑤ℎ𝑜 ℎ𝑎𝑠 𝑟𝑒𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑡𝑤𝑜 𝑠𝑒𝑎, 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑓𝑟𝑒𝑠ℎ 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑠𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑠𝑎𝑙𝑡𝑦 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑏𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐻𝑒 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑐𝑒𝑑 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑤𝑒”. (Quran: AL Furqan).
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Many of us have read this verse of Quran and have seen those two seas several times but we never considered this verse of Quran from the aspect of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law's relationship ever. Right? We always considered this verse of Quran from the aspect of scientific or Quranic miracle only.
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Why I read and reviewed this book? I’m not mother-in-law yet, right? (yes, in future Insha'Allah) but it helped me to understand her concerns, thought process and age-related issues (you can’t understand other person unless you put yourself in their shoe, right?). She had invested her life for her son and had always been in charge of his life. When she spends so much time in search of beautiful and wise daughter-in-law, this shows her concern for her son and the family unit. Things start out fine but gradually as time passes something changes. It almost become difficult for her to welcome the newest member of the family.
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This is not just a book, but I would say it’s a guideline full of duas to strengthen the beautiful relationship of mother-in-law and daughter- in-law. It encourages her to keep her focus on the bigger picture of life by considering Ehsaan, noble act of greatness and with communication. The key point is that “Shaitan” is our enemy and in most cases it's just him and his whispers which leads to the breakdown of the beautiful family unit. According to the writer Kindness, compassion, gestures of warmth and token of affection can help make life more meaningful and peaceful and can help build remarkable relationship Insha'Allah.
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“Perhaps you hate a thing, and it is good for you and you love a thing, and it is bad for you. Allah knows, while you do not know”. (Quran 2:216).

[Milishq Jillani · Rating 4 out of 5]

When the Two Seas Meet teaches us how to adjust with new people in our lives with plenty of beautifully compiled advices with Islamic references, so it’s good for anyone who’s having difficulties adjusting with new members in their family or in their friend circle. I like the point of view that author unfold the concept through the Islamic point of view. When i saw the title of the book it instantly captured my attention, it reminded me of two seas that has been mentioned in our Quran. This book is a collection of advices to a Mother-in-Law to have a healthy, loving and a holistic relationship with her Daughter-in-Law. The author covers several different issue that can arise in such a relationship and attempts to offer solutions to help the mother-in-law overcome those issues. This book gave a whole new perspective towards life and relationships. The importance of patience, gratitude, dua and adhkar are also emphasized. It is written very beautifully full of positive vibes without any bitterness or blame-game It is packed full of beneficial knowledge supported by references from the Quran and Hadith. This book is truly one for building bonds.💙

[Muneeb Khan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nowadays the most common cause of divorce or family’s issues faced by families, are the misunderstanding between the daughter in law and mother in law.
In our times when media 8s showing a negative face of daughter in law and mother in law, this book is a important for both mother in law and daughter in law so they can make a peacfull and a loving bond and maintain the peacefulness at home.
In this book the wirter describes the mindview from mother-in-law's point of view, especially the issued faced by the whispers of our enemy of (shaitan شیطان) to break this beautiful and loving bond.

This book also describes that to how to be safe from these attacks which are truly according to islam.

[Hareem · Rating 5 out of 5]

💫Although I’m quite far from the age of being a mother in law but still I loved reading the book. It was a great read for me. The book can be completed in one to two sittings.
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💫First of all the cover of the book “when the two seas meet” is so great that I just fell in love with the cover before reading the book.
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💫The book is about reasons why the mother in law and the daughter and law have clashes and how do they both should deal with them.
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💫I loved the part of the book that it gave references from Quran about everything which the author stated hence making it’s readers believe in everything it stated.
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💫I learned many new things from the book which was to be a basic knowledge that everyone should have but I believe that many of us, even the elderly women do not have that knowledge of the Quran that they should apply in their daily lives.
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💫This is a must read for any lady who’s going to be a mother in law. Any of the girl even if she’s not a mother and law are goanna be a mother in law yet needs to read it.
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💫It gives The knowledge about many things that we don’t even consider in our lives.
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💫In my opinion we need to have more and more books like this one so that people should have knowledge about their religion. They should know how to behave with others and live in a society peacefully.

[Muhammad Fraz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This Book Is Really Very Helpful. It Helped Me Alot In My Studies. I Read It 4 Times And It Increases My Knowledge About Meeting People. Thank You So Much To The Writer Of The Book For Writing This Beautiful Book ♥️