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The Intentional Father: A Practical Guide to Raise Sons of Courage and Character
Self-initiation is killing our young men. Without strong mentors, boys are walking alone into a wilderness of conflicting messages about who they should be as men. It's no wonder that our sons are confused about what the world expects from them and what they should expect of themselves.
The Intentional Father is the antidote. This concise book is filled with practical steps to help men raise sons of consequence--young men who know what they believe, know who they are, and will stand up against the negative cultural trends of our day. Jon Tyson lays out a clear path for fathers and sons that includes specific activities, rites of passage, and significant "marking moments" that can be customized to fit any family.
It's not enough to hope our sons will become good men . We need them to be good at being men . This book shows how fathers, grandfathers, and other male mentors can lead the way.
The Intentional Father is the antidote. This concise book is filled with practical steps to help men raise sons of consequence--young men who know what they believe, know who they are, and will stand up against the negative cultural trends of our day. Jon Tyson lays out a clear path for fathers and sons that includes specific activities, rites of passage, and significant "marking moments" that can be customized to fit any family.
It's not enough to hope our sons will become good men . We need them to be good at being men . This book shows how fathers, grandfathers, and other male mentors can lead the way.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published August 17, 2021
1164 people are currently reading
4577 people want to read
About the author
Jon Tyson
30 books276 followersJon Tyson is a pastor and church planter in New York City. Originally from Adelaide, Australia, Jon moved to the United States over two decades ago with a passion to seek and cultivate renewal in the Western Church. He is the author of Sacred Roots, A Creative Minority, and The Burden Is Light. He serves as the lead pastor of Church of the City New York.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 362 reviews
August 18, 2021
The Intentional Father:
I woke up at 2am this morning to my month-old son’s cries and couldn’t fall back asleep after he went down. Fortunately, I had this eagerly anticipated book to carry me to the dawn.
Jon offers us something that feels genuinely unique: an account of fathering a thirteen-year-old through to adulthood. In this way, The Intentional Father feels part memoir and part guide. Much of what I’ve gleaned is unexpectedly concrete:
- The lost art of communal ritual
- The “Day Your Son Will Leave Home Exercise”
- The importance of preparing for specific moments that will arise (e.g., first exposure to death)
- The refusal to “outsource the discipleship of your kids to youth group…” (pg. 182)
- The sending of our sons with blessing (Luke 24:50)
But mostly, it was just the privilege of getting to peer over Jon and Nate’s shoulder in the early morning while they studied, talked, and adventured together. To dream of what I am becoming with my son. Perhaps the best thing I can say about this book is it made me want to sit down with a few of my older friends and just as questions about being a dad.
On the other side, I felt as though Tyson slid into a hierarchy of “masculine” morals borrowed straight from the early ‘00’s evangelical bin. When will we get a book which seeks to teach us and our sons gentleness, peace, and humility as full-throatedly as justice, mentally toughness, and leadership?
This brings me to next point, one which I hesitate to make. From everything I can tell, Jon loves Jesus, practices his Way, and teaches others to do the same. He is also part of a small group of semi-famous pastors, whose reach and influence are growing and will grow more even today. I only know about him because of Instagram. This is the way of the world, I suppose. When I read, “I made this program for you because I want you to be a man of consequence” (pg. 39) or “God, give me the cities “(pg. 99), I want to read these generously. But as a pastor myself, I wonder if a passion for our sons to be consequential can easily turn into a desire for them to have a platform. I see this in desire in me. But as Zach Eswine writes, “We want to do large things famous & fast. But most things that truly matter need small acts of overlooked love over a long period of time.” Can we raise children who are “inconsequential?” Might that be a radical practice of apprenticeship to Jesus?
This aside, Jon, I am a better father for your book. I expect to return it often. I’m grateful you wrote it.
I woke up at 2am this morning to my month-old son’s cries and couldn’t fall back asleep after he went down. Fortunately, I had this eagerly anticipated book to carry me to the dawn.
Jon offers us something that feels genuinely unique: an account of fathering a thirteen-year-old through to adulthood. In this way, The Intentional Father feels part memoir and part guide. Much of what I’ve gleaned is unexpectedly concrete:
- The lost art of communal ritual
- The “Day Your Son Will Leave Home Exercise”
- The importance of preparing for specific moments that will arise (e.g., first exposure to death)
- The refusal to “outsource the discipleship of your kids to youth group…” (pg. 182)
- The sending of our sons with blessing (Luke 24:50)
But mostly, it was just the privilege of getting to peer over Jon and Nate’s shoulder in the early morning while they studied, talked, and adventured together. To dream of what I am becoming with my son. Perhaps the best thing I can say about this book is it made me want to sit down with a few of my older friends and just as questions about being a dad.
On the other side, I felt as though Tyson slid into a hierarchy of “masculine” morals borrowed straight from the early ‘00’s evangelical bin. When will we get a book which seeks to teach us and our sons gentleness, peace, and humility as full-throatedly as justice, mentally toughness, and leadership?
This brings me to next point, one which I hesitate to make. From everything I can tell, Jon loves Jesus, practices his Way, and teaches others to do the same. He is also part of a small group of semi-famous pastors, whose reach and influence are growing and will grow more even today. I only know about him because of Instagram. This is the way of the world, I suppose. When I read, “I made this program for you because I want you to be a man of consequence” (pg. 39) or “God, give me the cities “(pg. 99), I want to read these generously. But as a pastor myself, I wonder if a passion for our sons to be consequential can easily turn into a desire for them to have a platform. I see this in desire in me. But as Zach Eswine writes, “We want to do large things famous & fast. But most things that truly matter need small acts of overlooked love over a long period of time.” Can we raise children who are “inconsequential?” Might that be a radical practice of apprenticeship to Jesus?
This aside, Jon, I am a better father for your book. I expect to return it often. I’m grateful you wrote it.
April 15, 2022
I’m deeply conflicted on this book. I’ll do my best to capture that conflict as briefly as I can.
First, there are some incredible nuggets scattered within the pages of this book. It might be just a sentence here or a paragraph there. But Tyson leaves behind some pearls. For starters, when he makes his case for why every father ought to pursue being an intentional father, he hits the nail on the head. There is always going to be someone influencing the formation of your child—for good or for ill. And fathers—no matter how they are fathering—are influencing the formation. If a father is not the main influencer, someone/something else will fill that role. This is reason enough to want to be intentional about how it might be done well/best/right.
Second, at a few points, his practical steps/suggestions are helpful and thought-provoking. There are practical habits I hope to implement in my own fathering because of this book. Particularly, his stuff on having and protecting a regular routine of intentional time with your children is good. Fathers should be helping their children form the necessary ruts/liturgies that can produce growth. Also, I appreciated his emphasis on intentional celebration points—not holding back in making a big deal as a child (especially a son) reaches a key milestone in their development or growth.
Third, there are a lot of goofy things here. Goofy ideas. And some ideas that are less goofy and more just not possible for most people. He tries to make himself and his situation relatable and “average,” but it mostly is not. Take these for what they are.
Fourth, Tyson is not a writer. The writing is not good. In places, it is downright distracting. Because of the occasional nuggets, I was mostly able to overlook this. Additionally, and the publisher can be just as blamed for this as the writer, there is one paragraph where in the course of a few sentences Tyson plagiarizes C.S. Lewis and Christian Smith. No endnote, no credit given. Bad, bad, bad.
Fifth, this is a Barna book. I don’t normally read Barna books because I abhor all the silly graphs and data and polls woven into the pages. I read this one because I was interested enough in the topic. But, just know the Barna stuff is there. It really distracts from the reading experience and doesn’t accomplish/add anything. It is what it is.
Sixth, beware the Christian content. What little theology is given in these pages is on the spectrum from benign to bad. Tyson would be well served to have had someone encourage him at some point in his life to love historic, confessional theology. The Christian content reeks in places of fluffy, seeker-sensitive evangelicalism. Just know to watch out for it.
The best way to summarize my feelings on this book is to say that I would recommend this book to other dads, but only if I could do it face-to-face and had lots of time to explain all my caveats and the “grains of salt” that come with reading it. There you go—my brief thoughts on a three-star book.
First, there are some incredible nuggets scattered within the pages of this book. It might be just a sentence here or a paragraph there. But Tyson leaves behind some pearls. For starters, when he makes his case for why every father ought to pursue being an intentional father, he hits the nail on the head. There is always going to be someone influencing the formation of your child—for good or for ill. And fathers—no matter how they are fathering—are influencing the formation. If a father is not the main influencer, someone/something else will fill that role. This is reason enough to want to be intentional about how it might be done well/best/right.
Second, at a few points, his practical steps/suggestions are helpful and thought-provoking. There are practical habits I hope to implement in my own fathering because of this book. Particularly, his stuff on having and protecting a regular routine of intentional time with your children is good. Fathers should be helping their children form the necessary ruts/liturgies that can produce growth. Also, I appreciated his emphasis on intentional celebration points—not holding back in making a big deal as a child (especially a son) reaches a key milestone in their development or growth.
Third, there are a lot of goofy things here. Goofy ideas. And some ideas that are less goofy and more just not possible for most people. He tries to make himself and his situation relatable and “average,” but it mostly is not. Take these for what they are.
Fourth, Tyson is not a writer. The writing is not good. In places, it is downright distracting. Because of the occasional nuggets, I was mostly able to overlook this. Additionally, and the publisher can be just as blamed for this as the writer, there is one paragraph where in the course of a few sentences Tyson plagiarizes C.S. Lewis and Christian Smith. No endnote, no credit given. Bad, bad, bad.
Fifth, this is a Barna book. I don’t normally read Barna books because I abhor all the silly graphs and data and polls woven into the pages. I read this one because I was interested enough in the topic. But, just know the Barna stuff is there. It really distracts from the reading experience and doesn’t accomplish/add anything. It is what it is.
Sixth, beware the Christian content. What little theology is given in these pages is on the spectrum from benign to bad. Tyson would be well served to have had someone encourage him at some point in his life to love historic, confessional theology. The Christian content reeks in places of fluffy, seeker-sensitive evangelicalism. Just know to watch out for it.
The best way to summarize my feelings on this book is to say that I would recommend this book to other dads, but only if I could do it face-to-face and had lots of time to explain all my caveats and the “grains of salt” that come with reading it. There you go—my brief thoughts on a three-star book.
August 15, 2025
Thought it was ok! It could be extremely helpful for some, but overall felt a bit fluffy to me and lacked Biblical references.
August 7, 2022
The title is accurate: a VERY practical guide to raising sons. Particularly aimed at the teen years. Great content to chew on to help me be more intentional in parenting my teen boys. Now, to figure out how to implement this!
February 5, 2023
This book Has given me the best and clearest vision for how to be a father to my son. I would highly encourage you to read this book.
November 16, 2021
Jon Tyson is clearly an intentional father with a great love for his son. His desire to see men take the reins on leading their sons into manhood is commendable and one that I think is needed. However, I believe this book misses the mark.
On page 38 he writes, "That's what the vision of being an intentional father is–to help our sons become Jesus." I very much agree with him but unfortunately his book doesn't really seek to make that claim the reality in the life of his son. What stood out to me most was that what was glaringly missing in this book was the voice of Jesus. I realize he was trying to write "a practical guide to raise sons of courage and character" but I would've thought the Bible would be the main, if not sole source of that kind of character. Yet the Bible is barely referenced. Much of what we find in this book is the gather of secular sources and "wisdom" from the world. Some of those things may overlap Biblical wisdom, but I do not be leave fathers are ultimately helped when the voice of God is removed from something as important as parenting and fathering. To this point, I was greatly discouraged by chapter 7 on "Values." The Word of God has much to say on this topic (especially in the pastoral epistles), but they are not to be found in Tyson's book. This is regrettable.
Personally, I was grateful for questions provided in the exercise of "Preparing For That Day" when your son leaves home. Being intentional and thinking through those things now is helpful and need. But even there, I felt like he missed an opportunity to speak to the relational transition from when a son is under your roof to when he leaves home. More could have been said about what that relationship looks like after your son has moved out and now his own.
The Barna stats throughout the book are interesting for sure, but they really don't add a lot to the thrust of this book.
On page 38 he writes, "That's what the vision of being an intentional father is–to help our sons become Jesus." I very much agree with him but unfortunately his book doesn't really seek to make that claim the reality in the life of his son. What stood out to me most was that what was glaringly missing in this book was the voice of Jesus. I realize he was trying to write "a practical guide to raise sons of courage and character" but I would've thought the Bible would be the main, if not sole source of that kind of character. Yet the Bible is barely referenced. Much of what we find in this book is the gather of secular sources and "wisdom" from the world. Some of those things may overlap Biblical wisdom, but I do not be leave fathers are ultimately helped when the voice of God is removed from something as important as parenting and fathering. To this point, I was greatly discouraged by chapter 7 on "Values." The Word of God has much to say on this topic (especially in the pastoral epistles), but they are not to be found in Tyson's book. This is regrettable.
Personally, I was grateful for questions provided in the exercise of "Preparing For That Day" when your son leaves home. Being intentional and thinking through those things now is helpful and need. But even there, I felt like he missed an opportunity to speak to the relational transition from when a son is under your roof to when he leaves home. More could have been said about what that relationship looks like after your son has moved out and now his own.
The Barna stats throughout the book are interesting for sure, but they really don't add a lot to the thrust of this book.
June 24, 2022
This book was helpful and gave me a lot to think about as a Father of three boys (and two daughters). Slowly reading it helped me organize my thoughts and vision for shaping them while considering the author's recommendations. One constraint I see with the book is that it is written for Fathers with a specific type of economic and relational means. This constraint could present a significant hurdle for those desiring to be this type of intentional Father but who can’t resonate with the examples and patterns set forth. However, I’m very thankful for this resource and believe the reader should overcome any constraints. Well done, Jon, Barna, and Baker Books.
March 2, 2024
Helpful read. Concepts are fantastic, and it is very hands-on.
Parts 1-3 are strong, I was particularly moved by chapters 4 and 7. Part 4 was the weakest section.
Overall, helpful, but at times idealistic, impractical/improbable, and simplistic. It would have benefited from more flexibility, complexity, and confession.
There is a lot to like about this book
Parts 1-3 are strong, I was particularly moved by chapters 4 and 7. Part 4 was the weakest section.
Overall, helpful, but at times idealistic, impractical/improbable, and simplistic. It would have benefited from more flexibility, complexity, and confession.
There is a lot to like about this book
June 27, 2024
With a 1 year old son, this hit different. Honestly - I’ve never had a vision for what fatherhood could (should?) look like. This book did that.
“It’s easier to build strong children than repair broken men.” This book gave me a vision and imagination.
“Many desire for our sons to be great but desire bumps up against reality when we don’t have a plan.” This book gave me practical ideas for a plan.
Certainly some of the practices would be hard to implement if you had multiple sons, the barna stats and graphs meant very little to me, and scripture was used sporadically at best. But I’m leaving this book thinking 17 years into the future and the type of son I want to send into the world. That’s enough for me.
“It’s easier to build strong children than repair broken men.” This book gave me a vision and imagination.
“Many desire for our sons to be great but desire bumps up against reality when we don’t have a plan.” This book gave me practical ideas for a plan.
Certainly some of the practices would be hard to implement if you had multiple sons, the barna stats and graphs meant very little to me, and scripture was used sporadically at best. But I’m leaving this book thinking 17 years into the future and the type of son I want to send into the world. That’s enough for me.
July 18, 2023
Don’t give this book to dads in your congregation.
This man is obsessed with being well-known and popular. His awkward idolization of Billy Graham’s anecdote about hugging the TV and sharing his personal constant prayer of “God give me cities” (which he always try’s to pray “at high places”) makes me think this guy’s praying to the wrong entity.
The dude takes true biblical sacraments such as Baptism and makes them into symbols for his kids, disconnected from their Scriptural context.
Instead of simply reading the scriptures with his kids and showing that his religion is important to his life, he designs elaborate programs for them to do that are perfectly designed around each child’s unique personality.
That sounds great for multi millionaire Instagram pastors, but what about the common Christian father who has 6+ kids and a full time job?
Hasn’t the obsession with Youth Groups of the 20th century taught us not to go down this path?
Why does he feel the need to tell his kids about “dead religion” while at the same time admitting that much of his own religion is based around passing emotions and feelings? Why not point them to the steadfast, unchanging, unbreakable eternal Truth of God’s Word?
I have no idea what this will do to his kids.
I only give two stars instead of one, because (as I’m sure his publisher asked him) he does include questions and activities for each chapter that may encourage some dads who don’t usually ask themselves self-reflective questions to begin doing so.
Lots of the activities are a bit ridiculous. Some chapters are like:
“Do these three things before reading the next chapter:
1) write an account of your whole childhood
2) write a record of every life changing or meaningful moment in your life
3) write a handwritten letter to your dad telling him everything he did correctly and incorrectly.
Alright, now for chapter 2….”
The main takeaway is that this dude certainly believes that success = lots of people think you’re important. This is strongly against Christ’s and his Scriptures teachings of the shrewd wisdom of remaining faithful to God and His Promises, even when the world despises you, rejects you, mocks you, leaves you all alone.
This man is obsessed with being well-known and popular. His awkward idolization of Billy Graham’s anecdote about hugging the TV and sharing his personal constant prayer of “God give me cities” (which he always try’s to pray “at high places”) makes me think this guy’s praying to the wrong entity.
The dude takes true biblical sacraments such as Baptism and makes them into symbols for his kids, disconnected from their Scriptural context.
Instead of simply reading the scriptures with his kids and showing that his religion is important to his life, he designs elaborate programs for them to do that are perfectly designed around each child’s unique personality.
That sounds great for multi millionaire Instagram pastors, but what about the common Christian father who has 6+ kids and a full time job?
Hasn’t the obsession with Youth Groups of the 20th century taught us not to go down this path?
Why does he feel the need to tell his kids about “dead religion” while at the same time admitting that much of his own religion is based around passing emotions and feelings? Why not point them to the steadfast, unchanging, unbreakable eternal Truth of God’s Word?
I have no idea what this will do to his kids.
I only give two stars instead of one, because (as I’m sure his publisher asked him) he does include questions and activities for each chapter that may encourage some dads who don’t usually ask themselves self-reflective questions to begin doing so.
Lots of the activities are a bit ridiculous. Some chapters are like:
“Do these three things before reading the next chapter:
1) write an account of your whole childhood
2) write a record of every life changing or meaningful moment in your life
3) write a handwritten letter to your dad telling him everything he did correctly and incorrectly.
Alright, now for chapter 2….”
The main takeaway is that this dude certainly believes that success = lots of people think you’re important. This is strongly against Christ’s and his Scriptures teachings of the shrewd wisdom of remaining faithful to God and His Promises, even when the world despises you, rejects you, mocks you, leaves you all alone.
March 12, 2022
This starts out with some promising conversation about fatherhood and intentionally marking our moments, but quickly begins to feel like a slightly expanded workbook. The workbook nature makes the examples and conversations feel ultra-specific, and not always helpful. As with any book on men, masculinity, or fathers & sons, there are some culturally specific and prescriptive pieces that I'm not necessarily on board with. However, there are some great prompts to begin to think about and create intentional moments with your son.
August 16, 2024
One of the best books of this sort that I have read. I recommend for fathers of sons (particularly while they are young as this takes some time and effort to prepare for and apply). I will be rereading this later as my first son approaches the transition years into manhood but am going to be preparing now for those years as a crucial and exciting time in his life and one I am given the responsibility to be instrumental in.
December 7, 2023
I had this book on my shelf for sometime. And finally got around to it. The book touts itself as “A Practical Guide” and it very much is this. And the advice it gives is good. I have gotten many of the same ideas elsewhere, but this book kind of put them all in one place. However, why this book was not a five star book was that while a lot of the items in this book matched what the Bible teaches, I only wish the author had made those connections for us. A good example of this is when the author talks about teaching his son the gospel, but never explains it. What a missed opportunity…I know authors make choices with their books and they have their reasons. But for me the Gospel is the most important thing given to us by God and I want to declare it from the rooftops and to have it referenced (or worse assumed) and not explained makes me sad. Anyway still a decent book, but not one I will be passing on.
July 19, 2024
I wept several times reading this book. There are so many principles I want to adopt as I raise my own son.
Would recommend to any parent who wants to be intentional about raising their children.
“There will be very few things in your life that you’re going to want to get right as much as raising your son.”
Would recommend to any parent who wants to be intentional about raising their children.
“There will be very few things in your life that you’re going to want to get right as much as raising your son.”
December 23, 2025
My hope is that this becomes a yearly read and a type of blueprint to use in raising my son to become a man after Christ in this world. Excellent book for all parents!
September 11, 2022
so beyond helpful. i was constantly saying to my wife “yup let’s do this… yup let’s do that…”
very insightful yet easy to digest
very insightful yet easy to digest
February 3, 2023
“In almost every other culture, there is a codified, intentional, intense pathway to develop adolescents into adults. But in Western, U.S. culture, there’s almost nothing.”
There is no way I'm going to do this book justice. It was a really good read. God bless an Enneagram 4w3 writing a book about parenting. Tyson feels the call to fatherhood so deeply and his words (and emoting) really resonated with me. The Intentional Father encourages fathers to create a discipleship path for their sons - naming the values they want to impart, and putting an actual plan in place for communicating those values to their sons. The goal is to raise men who know who they are and what they believe. There's a huge emphasis on a "finish line" (my words, not the author's). Sons should leave the home knowing they have their father's love and blessing, walking forward in confidence, sure that they have left boyhood behind, ready to carry the weight of themselves.
I think I most appreciated the 5 shifts marking the difference between boys and men:
1. Life is hard – there needs to be a shift from a life of ease to difficulty
2. You are not important – boys care more about themselves, whereas men care about others
3. Your life isn’t about you – there should be a shift from being the center of your story to recognizing your place in a bigger story
4. You are not in control – the shift from control to surrender
5. You are going to die – men live life for the eternal, not for the temporary
It’s all anchored in guiding sons to be more like Jesus. “Jesus left the ease of heaven to embrace the difficulty of the earth and the cross; Jesus humbled and emptied himself, and he lived for others, not just himself; Jesus moved into a life of obscurity for us; Jesus surrendered, not trying to remain in control of his situation; and Jesus lived for eternal rewards, not temporary reality.”
Plenty of other great takeaways from this read. It's explicitly written for fathers of sons, which I actually appreciate, as so many books are so generic, they feel hard to apply. Although I long for a book of its like written for moms of girls, I am grateful for having a written example of what it looked like for Tyson to raise his son with intentionality. His outline and examples of what each of these steps looked like with his son painted a really good picture for me.
There is no way I'm going to do this book justice. It was a really good read. God bless an Enneagram 4w3 writing a book about parenting. Tyson feels the call to fatherhood so deeply and his words (and emoting) really resonated with me. The Intentional Father encourages fathers to create a discipleship path for their sons - naming the values they want to impart, and putting an actual plan in place for communicating those values to their sons. The goal is to raise men who know who they are and what they believe. There's a huge emphasis on a "finish line" (my words, not the author's). Sons should leave the home knowing they have their father's love and blessing, walking forward in confidence, sure that they have left boyhood behind, ready to carry the weight of themselves.
I think I most appreciated the 5 shifts marking the difference between boys and men:
1. Life is hard – there needs to be a shift from a life of ease to difficulty
2. You are not important – boys care more about themselves, whereas men care about others
3. Your life isn’t about you – there should be a shift from being the center of your story to recognizing your place in a bigger story
4. You are not in control – the shift from control to surrender
5. You are going to die – men live life for the eternal, not for the temporary
It’s all anchored in guiding sons to be more like Jesus. “Jesus left the ease of heaven to embrace the difficulty of the earth and the cross; Jesus humbled and emptied himself, and he lived for others, not just himself; Jesus moved into a life of obscurity for us; Jesus surrendered, not trying to remain in control of his situation; and Jesus lived for eternal rewards, not temporary reality.”
Plenty of other great takeaways from this read. It's explicitly written for fathers of sons, which I actually appreciate, as so many books are so generic, they feel hard to apply. Although I long for a book of its like written for moms of girls, I am grateful for having a written example of what it looked like for Tyson to raise his son with intentionality. His outline and examples of what each of these steps looked like with his son painted a really good picture for me.
August 3, 2022
I'm going to be a voice crying in the wilderness on this one, as it seems to be a popular read in the Christian world these days. And, despite my rating, taking time to read about the topic of being a more intentional dad will likely pay some good dividends and has me thinking about some practical steps to take. But I didn't love this book. In order to pull off the kind of intentionality this guy describes it would be really hard to do with 3, 4, 5, plus kids because you must devote an exorbitant amount of time, energy, and intentionality to each kid. See, I knew you wouldn't like this review, because I just wrote that and how could any loving father think it a bad thing to devote tons of time to being a father? We fathers do need to be intentional, but the ideas in this book seem a.) impractical for multiple kids, b.) too emotional/cheesy/sentimental for me with some of the rites of passage (now I'm truly the worst . . . I just ripped on sentimentality. My kids are without hope with their emotion-suppressing father . . .)
Again, the irony is that while I didn't really like the book, it probably will help me be a better dad. So, five stars on that front. But, I was reading "The Men We Need" by Brant Hansen at the same time, and comparatively, Hansen's is the clear winner.
Again, the irony is that while I didn't really like the book, it probably will help me be a better dad. So, five stars on that front. But, I was reading "The Men We Need" by Brant Hansen at the same time, and comparatively, Hansen's is the clear winner.
April 8, 2022
This book changed my life.
December 4, 2024
Plenty of practical ideas here, and some great thoughts about the need for being intentional as fathers. I’m thankful for those things. I was hoping to recommend this to others, though, but I don’t think I will - the priorities of the book seem to be more shaped by personal experience and evangelical / leadership culture then they are by Scripture, and I found that to be a major weakness. Another weakness, I think, is being too prescriptive with a particular method instead of keeping the focus on the underlying principles. For example, I kept thinking, “how would someone with several sons do this?” That’s not to say the ideas are bad, I would just like to see more on how to accomplish these goals in different circumstances, or how to approach this with with sons who are not as cooperative as Jon’s son was. Also I found the Barna graphs to be distracting.
It sounds like Jon and his son had great experiences together, and I have found it helpful to get a glimpse of that, but I was frustrated because I felt the book had the potential to be much more than it is.
It sounds like Jon and his son had great experiences together, and I have found it helpful to get a glimpse of that, but I was frustrated because I felt the book had the potential to be much more than it is.
August 26, 2021
Fathers need this book.
I'm a youth pastor and a son. I read this book to see how it would fare as a resource for the parents of the students in my care. I think every father of a son in my group needs this book. YPs need more parents who are as intentionally invested in their sons, our ministries would thrive in such a culture.
As a son, I see a number of the good things my father did commended but if he had this research and this path what a different adolescence I would have had.
I'm a youth pastor and a son. I read this book to see how it would fare as a resource for the parents of the students in my care. I think every father of a son in my group needs this book. YPs need more parents who are as intentionally invested in their sons, our ministries would thrive in such a culture.
As a son, I see a number of the good things my father did commended but if he had this research and this path what a different adolescence I would have had.
June 9, 2023
I would highly recommend this book to any dad who has a son approaching adolescence. In it, Tyson describes the journey he walked his son through from boyhood (starting around 13) to manhood (around 19). You may not choose to implement everything in the way he does, but you’ll no doubt come away with lots of ideas for what you do want to do. It made me feel like, “OK, I can actually do this” and I can’t wait to get started.
September 20, 2021
Best book I’ve read on Fatherhood. As a Dad of a precious little girl, there’s plenty that is easily adaptable to raising a daughter. I am so thankful for all of the equipping and inspiring pieces in this book, it’s a great resource for one of our greatest honors and responsibilities in life.
January 25, 2022
A lifelong handbook as I raise my two sons who are 16 months old right now. I love the questions and activities to refer back too. Such a inspiring and educational book to carry with you on this journey of intentional fatherhood.
September 29, 2025
A great guide for thinking through ideas on raising your son. Tyson has done a lot of the heavy lifting here and as a father, I really appreciate the insight and ideas that this book offers. If you have any sons living with you still, I highly recommend this book. It will give you a great starting point for thinking through the kind of man you would like your son, or sons, to be one day.
When there’s no older generation intentionally ushering boys into manhood, when there’s no tribe of mentors or fathers taking their sons along a predetermined path, many of our young men try to establish themselves, attempting to walk through the wilderness of adolescence with the hope that, somehow, they’ll find their way into adulthood on their own.
Young men, while attempting to self-initiate their way into manhood, are actually carrying their adolescence into adulthood.
The intentional father is deeply invested in discovering who his children are and how he can help them reach their redemptive potential. He seeks to understand the children God has given him and wants to form them into young persons who can fulfill their purpose. He sees parenting as central to his call before God and does it with all of his might. This kind of father leaves multigenerational blessing in the lives of his children.
I do, you watch, we talk. I do, you help, we talk. You do, I help, we talk. You do, I watch, we talk. You do, someone else watches.
Our goal as fathers is to help our sons discover who God has made and called them to be. We are not to make them in our own image but to help them along the path of grace so that they are renewed in the image of their Creator. This will bring them confidence and vision to move forward.
Recommended.
When there’s no older generation intentionally ushering boys into manhood, when there’s no tribe of mentors or fathers taking their sons along a predetermined path, many of our young men try to establish themselves, attempting to walk through the wilderness of adolescence with the hope that, somehow, they’ll find their way into adulthood on their own.
Young men, while attempting to self-initiate their way into manhood, are actually carrying their adolescence into adulthood.
The intentional father is deeply invested in discovering who his children are and how he can help them reach their redemptive potential. He seeks to understand the children God has given him and wants to form them into young persons who can fulfill their purpose. He sees parenting as central to his call before God and does it with all of his might. This kind of father leaves multigenerational blessing in the lives of his children.
I do, you watch, we talk. I do, you help, we talk. You do, I help, we talk. You do, I watch, we talk. You do, someone else watches.
Our goal as fathers is to help our sons discover who God has made and called them to be. We are not to make them in our own image but to help them along the path of grace so that they are renewed in the image of their Creator. This will bring them confidence and vision to move forward.
Recommended.
February 8, 2022
Why is there no clear or defined ritualistic path from childhood to adulthood in western culture?(outside of the wild, unadvised more often than not accidental stumbling into an exploration of drugs, sex and alcohol) What’s the result of this lack of intentionality by our society? Pure and utter brokenness. A brief glimpse at the rates of depression and suicide among our young people compared to societies with a defined and clear path from childhood to adulthood will show exactly what the results are… In “The Intentional Father” Tyson distills the experimental journey and outcomes of the path from boyhood to manhood he forged together with his own son. I can’t think of a better starting place for a father who wishes to impart knowledge and experience and blessing to his son and desires to see his son make the pivotal movement from boy to man. A theme through this documentary of Jons journey with his son Nate is that what he has done is simply one template that anyone can take and creatively make their own. He writes with such humility and encouragement that the reader finishes this book inspired to be innovative and prayerful over their own journey, NOT with a guilt to copy cat what he has done himself, or else you’ll fail.
Thank you Jon for modeling radical intentionality as a father, I can’t wait to piece together a pathway for my Ethan.
Thank you Jon for modeling radical intentionality as a father, I can’t wait to piece together a pathway for my Ethan.
March 7, 2023
3.5 stars. Very thought provoking, tons of ideas and things to build off. Very short on argument or rationale and very little biblical basis (or any basis) for the ideas within. It’s basically “I did a bunch of research and read a bunch of stuff and now I’m going to tell you a story about what I did with my son as a result, but I’m not really going to make much of argument for any of it.” That’s too harsh and not perfectly accurate, but it’s not far off. My review is mostly negative but I will emphasize my first sentence: he had a ton of ideas and this book made my mind go to a million different thoughts on what I would want to do, and this book did convince me to substantially up my game in terms of being a father to my sons.
December 15, 2025
4.6
Just because I thought it was so practical. We live in an age where men have let their kids be discipled by the internet more than their fathers & mothers and this book comes directly at that.
I think some of what Tyson had is a little unreasonable in terms of money and time to which he responded “beware the soul-sucking voice of reason.”
Going to be implementing some of these things for sure even for my daughter—so much to learn from this Tyson and the way he writes and thinks.
Definitely recommend even if you’re not a parent.
“Every time you make an excuse, you conspire with mediocrity.”
“But chance is a lousy teacher and an even worse guide”
“Until we know the story we are in, we will never know the character we are called to become.”
Just because I thought it was so practical. We live in an age where men have let their kids be discipled by the internet more than their fathers & mothers and this book comes directly at that.
I think some of what Tyson had is a little unreasonable in terms of money and time to which he responded “beware the soul-sucking voice of reason.”
Going to be implementing some of these things for sure even for my daughter—so much to learn from this Tyson and the way he writes and thinks.
Definitely recommend even if you’re not a parent.
“Every time you make an excuse, you conspire with mediocrity.”
“But chance is a lousy teacher and an even worse guide”
“Until we know the story we are in, we will never know the character we are called to become.”
July 30, 2022
I read this book to get me thinking about future fatherhood, but also discipleship and mentorship of younger men. As a young man myself, I also gleaned some things that I want to seek out as a son rather than a father. I left with some cool ideas, and thoughts to feed my imagination!
Definitely not a theological book, so don’t expect Tyson to dive deep into Biblical wisdom of what a man is/should be. However, it is pretty applicable and idea-generating if you are currently a dad. Would be worth a re-read for me, if I do have a son one day (:
Definitely not a theological book, so don’t expect Tyson to dive deep into Biblical wisdom of what a man is/should be. However, it is pretty applicable and idea-generating if you are currently a dad. Would be worth a re-read for me, if I do have a son one day (:
January 19, 2023
It was good - Tyson is really grandiose and over the top in a good way but maybe overwhelming. I recommend this book to anyone who has a son. There are small nuggets of golden wisdom peppered throughout the book even if you don't love Tyson's charismatic style. I will need to reread this when my boy gets a little older.
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