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Samuel Johnson #3.5
The Monks of Appalling Dreadfulness
From internationally bestselling author John Connolly, a new short story to brighten the dark months, featuring the beloved character of Samuel Johnson.
The Monks of Appalling Dreadfulness are the most feared assassins in the Multiverse.
They are ruthless. They are cunning. They can do interesting things with oranges.
Now they have been hired to hunt down and kill the demon Nurd, along with every friend he’s ever had. But friends come in all shapes and sizes, and with all kinds of talents.
The Monks of Appalling Dreadfulness are about to meet their match...
The Monks of Appalling Dreadfulness are the most feared assassins in the Multiverse.
They are ruthless. They are cunning. They can do interesting things with oranges.
Now they have been hired to hunt down and kill the demon Nurd, along with every friend he’s ever had. But friends come in all shapes and sizes, and with all kinds of talents.
The Monks of Appalling Dreadfulness are about to meet their match...
36 pages, Kindle Edition
Published October 29, 2020
132 people are currently reading
332 people want to read
About the author
John Connolly
215 books7,871 followersJohn Connolly was born in Dublin, Ireland in 1968 and has, at various points in his life, worked as a journalist, a barman, a local government official, a waiter and a dogsbody at Harrods department store in London. He studied English in Trinity College, Dublin and journalism at Dublin City University, subsequently spending five years working as a freelance journalist for The Irish Times newspaper, to which he continues to contribute.
He is based in Dublin but divides his time between his native city and the United States.
This page is administered by John's assistant, Clair, on John's behalf. If you'd like to communicate with John directly, you can do so by writing to contact-at-johnconnollybooks.com, or by following him on Twitter at @JConnollyBooks.
Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name. See other authors with similar names.
He is based in Dublin but divides his time between his native city and the United States.
This page is administered by John's assistant, Clair, on John's behalf. If you'd like to communicate with John directly, you can do so by writing to contact-at-johnconnollybooks.com, or by following him on Twitter at @JConnollyBooks.
Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name. See other authors with similar names.
Ratings & Reviews
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 41 reviews
January 31, 2024
Appalling amounts of fun. I giggled most of the way through it, and despite the brevity, it would have been five stars if not for the appallingly brief conclusion and the visually appalling Gothic script used to denote the monks' speech. Originally a short story included in a three-volume set of the Samuel Johnson novels, it is now available as an independent story. The monks are a trio of assassins, which should seem kind of dreadful except some of the people they have their sights on seem to deserve it.
Sir Magnific the Outstanding traveled the land with his squire, Orlic the Resigned, rescuing maidens, righting wrongs, and generally making a nuisance of himself, since not all maidens want to be rescued and wrongness is often simply a matter of opinion³
It makes the most sense if you've read at least one of the Samuel Johnson stories. Partway through, our old friends Nurd, Wormwood and Crudford appear (I think Crudford might have shown up in the last book). Samuel's appearance is actually quite brief, but the Boy Band is back together, and I believe I laughed out loud:
By the second song, Row C had already formed an escape committee and begun work on a tunnel, and a man in Row E had withdrawn to his happy place, never to return.
The humor itself tends to be the sort of humor found in The Life of Brian or cultural references that old people might recognize ("It's not a hat. It's a beret"), for what its worth.
At any rate, if you like the Samuel Johnson series, most reviews suggest you'll like this little piece, particularly if you enjoy footnotes and have a dry sense of humor. I found it delightful and much too short.
Re-read 2024: Note this isn't really about Samuel Johnson exactly, yet you should be familiar with the characters. I can absolutely see why it was included in a S.J. collection. I still find the interactions and footnotes hilarious.
³
Sir Magnific the Outstanding traveled the land with his squire, Orlic the Resigned, rescuing maidens, righting wrongs, and generally making a nuisance of himself, since not all maidens want to be rescued and wrongness is often simply a matter of opinion³
It makes the most sense if you've read at least one of the Samuel Johnson stories. Partway through, our old friends Nurd, Wormwood and Crudford appear (I think Crudford might have shown up in the last book). Samuel's appearance is actually quite brief, but the Boy Band is back together, and I believe I laughed out loud:
By the second song, Row C had already formed an escape committee and begun work on a tunnel, and a man in Row E had withdrawn to his happy place, never to return.
The humor itself tends to be the sort of humor found in The Life of Brian or cultural references that old people might recognize ("It's not a hat. It's a beret"), for what its worth.
At any rate, if you like the Samuel Johnson series, most reviews suggest you'll like this little piece, particularly if you enjoy footnotes and have a dry sense of humor. I found it delightful and much too short.
Re-read 2024: Note this isn't really about Samuel Johnson exactly, yet you should be familiar with the characters. I can absolutely see why it was included in a S.J. collection. I still find the interactions and footnotes hilarious.
³
September 27, 2024
Hilarious. I adore John Connolly and his Samuel Johnson novels, so how did I have no idea that this short story existed?!? If you enjoyed the original books, "The Monks of Appalling Dreadfulness" is definitely worth a quick read. Several of the characters from the original series make an appearance, and it has all of the brilliant humor and wit that you'd expect from a Samuel Johnson story. The most feared assassins in the Multiverse, The Monks of Appalling Dreadfulness, have been sent to kill the demon Nurd and his friends, but they might just end up getting more than they bargained for ...
June 7, 2024
A delicious, fun morsel of 37 pages. I haven’t read anything by this author before - if another one of his comes my way, I’ll probably read it.
The Monks of the title are famous Multiverse assassins. They also wish that someone would finally agree to sign their own death warrant. It would save so much paperwork!
“Which is why we always forge their signatures.”
There is another assassination job waiting. I had a feeling it would not go as planned, because the characters due to be assassinated are having this conversation a few pages later:
“No, it’s your job,” said Nurd. “We took a vote on it.”
“I don’t remember a vote.”
“We had it while you were asleep. We didn’t want to wake you.”
No, things don’t go as planned, lol.
The footnotes were fun. They are very obviously Pratchett wannabees, but still chuckle-worthy.
“If someone says “Hey, come over here and listen to the sound of this crocodile breathing,” the correct answer is “No, thank you.”
3.8 stars, rounded up.
The Monks of the title are famous Multiverse assassins. They also wish that someone would finally agree to sign their own death warrant. It would save so much paperwork!
“Which is why we always forge their signatures.”
There is another assassination job waiting. I had a feeling it would not go as planned, because the characters due to be assassinated are having this conversation a few pages later:
“No, it’s your job,” said Nurd. “We took a vote on it.”
“I don’t remember a vote.”
“We had it while you were asleep. We didn’t want to wake you.”
No, things don’t go as planned, lol.
The footnotes were fun. They are very obviously Pratchett wannabees, but still chuckle-worthy.
“If someone says “Hey, come over here and listen to the sound of this crocodile breathing,” the correct answer is “No, thank you.”
3.8 stars, rounded up.
February 22, 2023
‘Who are you, exactly?’ said Crudford.
‘We,’ said the First Monk, ‘are the Monks of Appalling Dreadfulness.’
Crudford appeared puzzled. He lifted his beret and scratched the top of his head. Being gelatinous, his fingers passed straight through and floated somewhere behind his eyes.
‘Does that mean you’re appalling at being dreadful?’ he said. ‘Because I wouldn’t go boasting about something like that, if I were you.’
‘We,’ said the First Monk, ‘are the Monks of Appalling Dreadfulness.’
Crudford appeared puzzled. He lifted his beret and scratched the top of his head. Being gelatinous, his fingers passed straight through and floated somewhere behind his eyes.
‘Does that mean you’re appalling at being dreadful?’ he said. ‘Because I wouldn’t go boasting about something like that, if I were you.’
May 3, 2025
__________________________
"It is lovely to be silly at the right moment." — Horace
First of all, I wouldn’t have read this story if my Goodreads friends hadn’t fooled me into thinking this was a story by Michael Connelly--one of my favorite authors--which they had misspelled as Connolly. My friends have a tendency to misspell things, maybe because many of them are British and don’t know how to spell in good American English. But spelling doesn’t really matter does it? Shakespeare spelled his own name a dozen different ways during his lifetime, including: Shaxspear, Shackspere, Shaxper, Titus Andronicus, The Bard, and occasionally Falstaff, the Beer that Made Milwaukee Stop Drinking. But no matter how he spelled his name, Shakespeare was always Sir Francis Bacon--a masterful writer. So, a Connelly story should be great no matter what vowels are used to spell Connelly's name, right?
The Monks of Appalling Dreadfulness is a story about some space alien monks who are appalling at being dreadful and go around the multiverse assassinating people and being silly buggers. For example, they tried to get one victim to sign his own death warrant. Ha Ha!
🌟🌟 Stars. The story is amusing up to a point—that point occurring in the second paragraph on page 6. It turns out that Connelly and Connolly are two different guys who apparently go around impersonating each other. Silly buggers, indeed! There is not a Harry Bosch in the entire 37 pages of this one.
"It is lovely to be silly at the right moment." — Horace
First of all, I wouldn’t have read this story if my Goodreads friends hadn’t fooled me into thinking this was a story by Michael Connelly--one of my favorite authors--which they had misspelled as Connolly. My friends have a tendency to misspell things, maybe because many of them are British and don’t know how to spell in good American English. But spelling doesn’t really matter does it? Shakespeare spelled his own name a dozen different ways during his lifetime, including: Shaxspear, Shackspere, Shaxper, Titus Andronicus, The Bard, and occasionally Falstaff, the Beer that Made Milwaukee Stop Drinking. But no matter how he spelled his name, Shakespeare was always Sir Francis Bacon--a masterful writer. So, a Connelly story should be great no matter what vowels are used to spell Connelly's name, right?
The Monks of Appalling Dreadfulness is a story about some space alien monks who are appalling at being dreadful and go around the multiverse assassinating people and being silly buggers. For example, they tried to get one victim to sign his own death warrant. Ha Ha!
🌟🌟 Stars. The story is amusing up to a point—that point occurring in the second paragraph on page 6. It turns out that Connelly and Connolly are two different guys who apparently go around impersonating each other. Silly buggers, indeed! There is not a Harry Bosch in the entire 37 pages of this one.
October 12, 2022
Hmmm... Well, this is a bit of fluff. I gather it's a sort of side short related to some of the author's other books, so I probably shouldn't dock it for lacking any real substance.
The bigger problem was the humor... I won't say I didn't laugh at all, I did, but really it just wasn't my sort of humor. It's maybe my humor adjacent, but still mostly a miss. I can't really articulate why off the top of my head.
This could be anywhere between a 2 and a 3.5 for me depending how generous I'm feeling, with 3 being "meh".
The bigger problem was the humor... I won't say I didn't laugh at all, I did, but really it just wasn't my sort of humor. It's maybe my humor adjacent, but still mostly a miss. I can't really articulate why off the top of my head.
This could be anywhere between a 2 and a 3.5 for me depending how generous I'm feeling, with 3 being "meh".
February 6, 2023
Hilarious
37 pages of absolute madness. The author must have had a riot writing this little piece. Without a doubt, the best parts are the footnotes. In my mind's eye, the author is at his keyboard, smoking a pipe, a smooth scotch at hand, composing and chortling.
37 pages of absolute madness. The author must have had a riot writing this little piece. Without a doubt, the best parts are the footnotes. In my mind's eye, the author is at his keyboard, smoking a pipe, a smooth scotch at hand, composing and chortling.
April 20, 2022
Not quite five stars because it is too damned short! But still a raucously funny and smirkingly smart tale. I love the Smauel Johnson books and keep hoping Connolly comes back to them, restarts them, or begins some offshoot of them because they were superbly done, similar in tone and style to Jonathan L. Howard's 'Johannes Cabal' books.
March 2, 2023
This was a lot funnier than I anticipated, which means I was stuck in my break at work giggling like a toddler at all the silly humour in it.
I do regret not knowing more about the characters from the author's other books, but this was a great push for me to look forward to reading them.
Good, quick book to get a few smiles out of you. Definitely recommend it if you like goofy humour or have a bad day.
I do regret not knowing more about the characters from the author's other books, but this was a great push for me to look forward to reading them.
Good, quick book to get a few smiles out of you. Definitely recommend it if you like goofy humour or have a bad day.
July 24, 2024
A short multiverse fantasy about killer monks. Some jokes. Some silliness. Not much plot. But then again, not many pages, so it’s all good. Three-and-a-half stars.
February 18, 2023
Short but sweet!
July 25, 2025
That was fun!
John Connolly's The Monks of Appalling Dreadfulness begins with the words
The truth is, I couldn't tell you that happens in tMoAD. Perhaps if I could it would rate five stars. It is just one joke after another, held together by a thin tissue of plot, incomprehensible to the uninitiated reader (or at least to THIS uninitiated reader). But it made me laugh and want to read more. I assert that any book that accomplishes those two things is a Good Book!
Blog review.
John Connolly's The Monks of Appalling Dreadfulness begins with the words
In Which We Are Reunited Some Time After the Appearance of the Last Volume. You Look Lovely, By the Way. What Have You Done to Your Hair?This is the Chapter 1 heading. From this I surmise that it might be related to some other work Connolly has written. What that would be, I don't really know -- it is the first thing by Connolly I have ever read. It probably won't be the last.
The truth is, I couldn't tell you that happens in tMoAD. Perhaps if I could it would rate five stars. It is just one joke after another, held together by a thin tissue of plot, incomprehensible to the uninitiated reader (or at least to THIS uninitiated reader). But it made me laugh and want to read more. I assert that any book that accomplishes those two things is a Good Book!
Blog review.
May 8, 2022
Delightfully silly
A quaint story with lots of amusing footnotes. Great if you have some time to kill and don't want to commit to a longer book.
A quaint story with lots of amusing footnotes. Great if you have some time to kill and don't want to commit to a longer book.
Want to read
February 26, 2023$1. Kindle. Bring back the private notes section!
March 17, 2023
This was funny, sort of Monty Pythonish! I especially loved the footnotes!
November 19, 2023
Interesting, funny little story about some dimension traveling assassins. Very Monty Pythonesque. Enjoyed it, especially the footnotes but think I missed something at the end. Left me puzzled.
June 7, 2022
For a Charlie Parker fan, this short-story from John Connolly was quite the pleasant surprise. Although its reading audience is most certainly children, its telling is quite the tale that old readers such I can quite thoroughly enjoy it.
March 23, 2021
A great little novella by my favourite author. The Monks of Appalling Dreadfulness is a follow up to the Samuel Johnson Trilogy, and raised a few much needed laughs.
October 20, 2022
I love all things Connolly. This is a fun little snippet into the world of Samuel Johnson and crew and it’s packet with humor and amusement.
November 9, 2020
The Monks of Appalling Dreadfulness was originally scheduled to be an additional short story included in the collected Samuel Johnson vs the Darkness trilogy. Some fans said that it was a bit unfair that the story could not be bought separately so it has been released as a short story.
If you have only read John’s Charlie Parker books then this one may come as a bit of a surprise because it is of completely different ilk. It is a lot closer to his book The Book Of Lost Things.…. but not really. Honestly, it is almost like a different author.
The Samuel Johnson books are meant for children and young adults but even as a now 35 year old I think they are brilliant. This story itself is self contained and can actually be read without having read the main books, so if you are looking for a quick taste of John’s other side this is ideal.
Without going too much into in the aformentioned Monks are given the task of “taking out” the stars of the main books. The Monks being the most skilled assassins in all of space time don’t seem to think this will be too much work. Little do they know.
This is brilliantly funny, and given that it is short, a very quick read for your tea time. Loved it.
If you have only read John’s Charlie Parker books then this one may come as a bit of a surprise because it is of completely different ilk. It is a lot closer to his book The Book Of Lost Things.…. but not really. Honestly, it is almost like a different author.
The Samuel Johnson books are meant for children and young adults but even as a now 35 year old I think they are brilliant. This story itself is self contained and can actually be read without having read the main books, so if you are looking for a quick taste of John’s other side this is ideal.
Without going too much into in the aformentioned Monks are given the task of “taking out” the stars of the main books. The Monks being the most skilled assassins in all of space time don’t seem to think this will be too much work. Little do they know.
This is brilliantly funny, and given that it is short, a very quick read for your tea time. Loved it.
September 2, 2023
2.5 stars rounded down to 2
I love short stories so when I found out about this one (the concept of which sounded so unbelievably funny) I knew I had to add it to my September TBR.
This book was funny. The writing style was hilarious. It reminded me of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. However, the story seemed like it was thrown together in an afternoon. The pacing was odd, each chapter was trying to revolve around one basic plot point but it struggled to even do that, and it almost felt too short, like we as the reader were missing something.
The concept for this book is a solid 5/5, the humor is a solid 5/5, but the book was so poorly planned, so it has to be a 2.5
I love short stories so when I found out about this one (the concept of which sounded so unbelievably funny) I knew I had to add it to my September TBR.
This book was funny. The writing style was hilarious. It reminded me of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. However, the story seemed like it was thrown together in an afternoon. The pacing was odd, each chapter was trying to revolve around one basic plot point but it struggled to even do that, and it almost felt too short, like we as the reader were missing something.
The concept for this book is a solid 5/5, the humor is a solid 5/5, but the book was so poorly planned, so it has to be a 2.5
February 9, 2025
A hit has gone out on Nurd, but never underestimate friends.
Adorable little short story set after the end of the last Samuel Johnson book but before the epilogue. Turns out Nurd is on a hitlist, along with some of his friends, and the monks of the title are on his trail. But thankfully Nurd has good friends looking out for him, and with their help (and inadvertently also-dreadful band BoyStarz) it’s the assassins who should be worried. Very cute.
Adorable little short story set after the end of the last Samuel Johnson book but before the epilogue. Turns out Nurd is on a hitlist, along with some of his friends, and the monks of the title are on his trail. But thankfully Nurd has good friends looking out for him, and with their help (and inadvertently also-dreadful band BoyStarz) it’s the assassins who should be worried. Very cute.
December 2, 2020
A disappointment. I loved the Samuel Johnson trilogy, but those looking for those characters to amuse you will be shortchanged. John Connolly is a must read for me. I have read all of his books, save his latest, The Dirty South. Don't know why he bothered with this piffle.
November 11, 2020
This is a sort of addendum to the Samuel Boswell stories. It's very short... I was wanting it to continue because it was so much fun. I do hope we see more of Nuts and friends.
December 2, 2020
Vintage
Love anything Connolly writes, but especially his YA. And to have monks speak in Gothic italics, medieval, was hysterical. Thank you for a wonderful escape.
Love anything Connolly writes, but especially his YA. And to have monks speak in Gothic italics, medieval, was hysterical. Thank you for a wonderful escape.
December 4, 2020
Not really my cup of tea
December 10, 2020
Old friends
I do love this tiny diversion. Footnotes especially. It was nice visiting with Samuel and friends. It’s also nice when evil gets rewarded.
I do love this tiny diversion. Footnotes especially. It was nice visiting with Samuel and friends. It’s also nice when evil gets rewarded.
December 12, 2020
A Curious Distraction
A short kind of read. With clever word play and self referential prose told with humor and joy. Try to buy it cheap.
A short kind of read. With clever word play and self referential prose told with humor and joy. Try to buy it cheap.
January 9, 2021
Very funny but not verry long
January 27, 2021
A very fun, and a bit twisted, short read. I'd like to spend some more time with these monks in the future.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 41 reviews