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Water I Won’t Touch
Both radically tender and desperate for change, Water I Won’t Touch is a life raft and a self-portrait, concerned with the vitality of trans people living in a dangerous and inhospitable landscape. Through the brambles of the Pennsylvania forest to a stretch of the Jersey Shore, in quiet moments and violent memories, Kayleb Rae Candrilli touches the broken earth and examines the whole in its parts. Written during the body’s healing from a double mastectomy―in the wake of addiction and family dysfunction―these ambitious poems put new form to what’s been lost and gained. Candrilli ultimately imagines a joyful, queer a garden to harvest, lasting love, the insistent flamboyance of citrus.
96 pages, Paperback
First published April 20, 2021
16 people are currently reading
790 people want to read
About the author
Kayleb Rae Candrilli
7 books62 followersKayleb Rae Candrilli is author of What Runs Over, winner of the 2016 Pamet River Prize, with YesYes Books. What Runs Over is a 2017 Lambda Literary finalist for Transgender Poetry. Candrilli is also author of All the Gay Saints, winner of the 2018 Saturnalia Book Prize and forthcoming in 2019.
Candrilli has served as the nonfiction editor of the Black Warrior Review and as a feature editor for NANO Fiction. They are now an Assistant Poetry Editor for Boaat Press. In 2015, Candrilli was a Lambda Literary Emerging Fellow in Nonfiction, and again in 2017 as a fellow in poetry.
Kayleb is a Best of the Net winner and has been nominated for Pushcart Prizes (in prose and poetry) and for Best New Poets. They were also a 2017 recipient of a Leeway Art and Change Grant.
Kayleb has earned a Bachelors in English and a Masters in Creative Writing from Penn State University. They hold both an MFA and an MLIS degree from the University of Alabama.
Candrilli has served as the nonfiction editor of the Black Warrior Review and as a feature editor for NANO Fiction. They are now an Assistant Poetry Editor for Boaat Press. In 2015, Candrilli was a Lambda Literary Emerging Fellow in Nonfiction, and again in 2017 as a fellow in poetry.
Kayleb is a Best of the Net winner and has been nominated for Pushcart Prizes (in prose and poetry) and for Best New Poets. They were also a 2017 recipient of a Leeway Art and Change Grant.
Kayleb has earned a Bachelors in English and a Masters in Creative Writing from Penn State University. They hold both an MFA and an MLIS degree from the University of Alabama.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 83 reviews
September 11, 2021
Sometimes poetry just hits different.
Some of these poems I couldn't relate to (as is to be expected) but some I wanted to print out and hand out to all the people I meet, just so they can understand me better. All of them were beautiful.
Unfortunately, I can't find anything to use for my english homework.
Some of these poems I couldn't relate to (as is to be expected) but some I wanted to print out and hand out to all the people I meet, just so they can understand me better. All of them were beautiful.
Unfortunately, I can't find anything to use for my english homework.
June 2, 2021
M'ha semblat un llibràs. Tendre, dur, líric i narratiu, sobre el cos transgènere, les ferides, l'amor, la família, els inicis. No el coneixia de res i oj.
January 18, 2022
Reading this felt like a homecoming. I couldn't put it down, and now that I've read it once, I'm starting over. Honest, deep, and smooth. Can't wait to read the rest of Candrilli's work.
January 11, 2025
Stunning. Beautiful. I want these words, these poems written on every part of my body.
"Over time, I've learned that love is most astonishing when it persists after learning where we come from."
Thank you Candrilli for composing these poems. I'll remember them always <3
"Over time, I've learned that love is most astonishing when it persists after learning where we come from."
Thank you Candrilli for composing these poems. I'll remember them always <3
December 16, 2024
This is a lovely poetry collection about being transgender and queer, growing up in rural PA with an abusive parent, and finding love in both a partner and in the body. I really enjoyed it and will check out more from the author.
October 16, 2023
Read in one sitting. Still taking it in. Holy, holy, holy.
December 5, 2024
Wow, I really love Candrilli’s work. I first read “All the Gay Saints” and was blown away, and somehow this one hit me even harder. Really incredible. Left a big impression on my brain.
May 20, 2023
loved it :'(
June 10, 2021
Favorites:
I feel surprised
by this new smallness—this body postanesthesia, post disposing all
the flesh I just didn’t want anymore. The world is growing
warmer. And it is true; I am smaller now, with a heart
that much closer to the sun.
— “On having forgotten to recycle”
Now, under all this
almost-newness,
I watch my own heart as it beats.
I look at my life more
closely than ever, and how beautiful
it is, just under the skin,
alive & alive & alive—
like a warm moon.
— from “On crescents & waning”
I do not regret my body / but I regret the hands of most / who have touched it.
— from “Transgender heroic: all this ridiculous flesh,”
I feel surprised
by this new smallness—this body postanesthesia, post disposing all
the flesh I just didn’t want anymore. The world is growing
warmer. And it is true; I am smaller now, with a heart
that much closer to the sun.
— “On having forgotten to recycle”
Now, under all this
almost-newness,
I watch my own heart as it beats.
I look at my life more
closely than ever, and how beautiful
it is, just under the skin,
alive & alive & alive—
like a warm moon.
— from “On crescents & waning”
I do not regret my body / but I regret the hands of most / who have touched it.
— from “Transgender heroic: all this ridiculous flesh,”
April 4, 2022
This book taught me about the joy that we need.
To be more thankful and respectful to ourselves.
The author's imagination was impressive and was smooth.
It taught me a different world from me and I could learn about things happening around the world.
Poetry is one of my favorite genres and I love how they use words interesting this author used one of my favorite styles of writing poetry.
I recommend this book to anyone who wants to read interesting poetry and whoever wants to learn about the world and that there are different people and environments in different places.
To be more thankful and respectful to ourselves.
The author's imagination was impressive and was smooth.
It taught me a different world from me and I could learn about things happening around the world.
Poetry is one of my favorite genres and I love how they use words interesting this author used one of my favorite styles of writing poetry.
I recommend this book to anyone who wants to read interesting poetry and whoever wants to learn about the world and that there are different people and environments in different places.
April 25, 2021
One of the only books I've read from cover to cover all year - this collection holds you and doesn't let you leave in the best way. Gonna be thinking about many of these poems for a long time
August 4, 2021
Perhaps one of my favorite books of poetry I’ve ever read.
September 12, 2021
4.5 stars
December 6, 2022
For years I thought that poetry "wasn't meant for me," but in the past 24 months I've thrown off that self-applied judgment and have been branching out. The collections in Water I Won't Touch, including the poem the title gathers its name from, are simultaneously beautiful, heartbreaking, and hopeful. I am a cis-gender woman who only understands what it is like to be a transgender individual through the words of friends and writings, but so many of these poems struck a very personal cord with me. I am so glad I trusted a friend's recommendation and picked this up.
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November 18, 2022Beautiful collection of poetry about parental drug & physical abuse, love and, most importantly, trans joy.
If you're looking for a new-to-you queer poet, check Kayleb out.
If you're looking for a new-to-you queer poet, check Kayleb out.
February 24, 2023
perfect, daring, generous, beautiful & very much alive poetry! i've loved reading and then re-reading Kayleb's work, and these poems have helped me break through walls with my own craft!
March 6, 2024
"and the tide tells me / my body can morph / as many times as it needs."
June 3, 2025
Queer poetry I love you forever
May 5, 2023
brb, need 2 sob, need 2 scream, need 2 cry (insha allah reading slump over 🤲)
December 3, 2022
Content warnings are listed at the end of my review!
This was alright. It fulfilled what it set out to, building queer joy up from the difficult beginnings of Candrilli’s life, but beyond that I didn’t find it to be a stand out work. If you like any kind of trans creative autobiographical nonfiction, this is that, but it’s another face in the crowd that I’ll forget after I saw it. It’s not bad, but at least half of the analogies were plain, blunt, and obvious, and the stories were vague and lacking memorable wow factors.
The collection highlights Kaleb Rae Candrilli’s childhood and the abuse they suffered through their father who pushed violence onto everyone in their immediate family. There’s many mentions of hunting, drug use, and physical harm in relation to their father, leading to commentary on violence’s relationship to manhood and mortality. Candrilli reflects a lot on their surgery in ways of loss, pain, and global disasters, with allusions to poor experiences while in the hospital. Many poems express fear of global warming, climate change, man-made destruction, and littering. This all creates a loud overtone of sadness and despair, but there are small interventions in the form of poems about their partner and their queer love. This becomes more prominent further in the book, but is still a very minor portion compared to the totality.
Summary:
Readability: ★★★☆☆, Poems are pretty easy to read, but sometimes the creative aspects like the sentence ending and picking up in a different paragraph and repeating the same sentence threw me off- but those are just poetry things. The book is short, but the list of themes is even shorter making it feel a little redundant at times without much to set poems on the same topic apart.
Entertainment: ★★★☆☆, It was ok. I don’t have any strong feelings on it but it was a fast read.
Audience: Wouldn’t recommend to cis allies because of the complex presentation of Candrilli’s gender without elaboration in context of sexual assault and negative feelings after surgery. Trans readers could possibly enjoy this but it’s heavy. Read if you’re interested and aware of the content warnings.
Content Warnings: alcoholism, animal abuse, blood, body dysmorphia, cigarettes, domestic violence, environmental damage, forced drugging, global warming, guns, hunting, implied misgendering, littering, mafia, medical mistreatment, misogyny, opioid drug use, prescription drug abuse, repeated self harm analogies (frequent wrist, vein mentions), sexual assault, surgery
This was alright. It fulfilled what it set out to, building queer joy up from the difficult beginnings of Candrilli’s life, but beyond that I didn’t find it to be a stand out work. If you like any kind of trans creative autobiographical nonfiction, this is that, but it’s another face in the crowd that I’ll forget after I saw it. It’s not bad, but at least half of the analogies were plain, blunt, and obvious, and the stories were vague and lacking memorable wow factors.
The collection highlights Kaleb Rae Candrilli’s childhood and the abuse they suffered through their father who pushed violence onto everyone in their immediate family. There’s many mentions of hunting, drug use, and physical harm in relation to their father, leading to commentary on violence’s relationship to manhood and mortality. Candrilli reflects a lot on their surgery in ways of loss, pain, and global disasters, with allusions to poor experiences while in the hospital. Many poems express fear of global warming, climate change, man-made destruction, and littering. This all creates a loud overtone of sadness and despair, but there are small interventions in the form of poems about their partner and their queer love. This becomes more prominent further in the book, but is still a very minor portion compared to the totality.
Summary:
Readability: ★★★☆☆, Poems are pretty easy to read, but sometimes the creative aspects like the sentence ending and picking up in a different paragraph and repeating the same sentence threw me off- but those are just poetry things. The book is short, but the list of themes is even shorter making it feel a little redundant at times without much to set poems on the same topic apart.
Entertainment: ★★★☆☆, It was ok. I don’t have any strong feelings on it but it was a fast read.
Audience: Wouldn’t recommend to cis allies because of the complex presentation of Candrilli’s gender without elaboration in context of sexual assault and negative feelings after surgery. Trans readers could possibly enjoy this but it’s heavy. Read if you’re interested and aware of the content warnings.
Content Warnings: alcoholism, animal abuse, blood, body dysmorphia, cigarettes, domestic violence, environmental damage, forced drugging, global warming, guns, hunting, implied misgendering, littering, mafia, medical mistreatment, misogyny, opioid drug use, prescription drug abuse, repeated self harm analogies (frequent wrist, vein mentions), sexual assault, surgery
December 28, 2024
In this searing self-portrait, the poet explores trans identity, the dangerous and inhospitable landscape of their youth, and the disorientation of the transitioning process.
Favorite Poems:
“On Crescents & Waning”
“On Traveling Together”
“Echo”
“Valentine, Nebraska: Cherry County”
“You’ve Heard This Before: The Only Way Out Is Through”
Upon revisiting this collection, the poems resonate more deeply, perhaps as my own understanding of transgender identity has become more well informed, my empathy more encompassing. “You’ve Heard This Before” is a work of genius—that last line is a dagger!
“Listen,
there is a razor in the apple
and the apple is the earth. Listen,
my nightmares are dreams in which
everyone walks the same direction—
that rhythmic lockstep. Both of my
grandmothers considered abortion.
Can you imagine?
Being so close to nothing.”
—from “You’ve Heard This Before,” p. 52
“Sand and Silt”
“One Geography of Belonging”
“On Crescents & Waning”
“On Traveling Together”
“We Remain Foolishly Hopeful (or, Obituary for the Topsoil)”
“Having Forgotten to Recycle”
“Echo”
“Valentine, Nebraska: Cherry County”
“You’ve Heard This Before: The Only Way Out Is Through”
“I Challenge My Father to an Arm-Wrestling Competition and Finally Win”
“Water We Won’t Touch”
“Here We Are, Aging Together, Just Like We Said We Would”
“Transgender Heroic: All This Ridiculous Flesh”
Favorite Poems:
“On Crescents & Waning”
“On Traveling Together”
“Echo”
“Valentine, Nebraska: Cherry County”
“You’ve Heard This Before: The Only Way Out Is Through”
Upon revisiting this collection, the poems resonate more deeply, perhaps as my own understanding of transgender identity has become more well informed, my empathy more encompassing. “You’ve Heard This Before” is a work of genius—that last line is a dagger!
“Listen,
there is a razor in the apple
and the apple is the earth. Listen,
my nightmares are dreams in which
everyone walks the same direction—
that rhythmic lockstep. Both of my
grandmothers considered abortion.
Can you imagine?
Being so close to nothing.”
—from “You’ve Heard This Before,” p. 52
“Sand and Silt”
“One Geography of Belonging”
“On Crescents & Waning”
“On Traveling Together”
“We Remain Foolishly Hopeful (or, Obituary for the Topsoil)”
“Having Forgotten to Recycle”
“Echo”
“Valentine, Nebraska: Cherry County”
“You’ve Heard This Before: The Only Way Out Is Through”
“I Challenge My Father to an Arm-Wrestling Competition and Finally Win”
“Water We Won’t Touch”
“Here We Are, Aging Together, Just Like We Said We Would”
“Transgender Heroic: All This Ridiculous Flesh”
January 12, 2022
My original body had many marvels / but I always wished it for / someone else- spent / years daydreaming of my body / neatly disassembled and sent / to more deserving homes.
I loved Candrilli's imagery, pace, and lyricism throughout. I was so impressed by "Sestina written as though genesis" and "Transgender heroic: All this ridiculous flesh." Both are full of detail and vulnerability. There are so many lines I love from that second piece, one example being, "If you let it in, love can burn hotter/than summer on pavement. I've autumned/in bandages and blood and my partner/still kissed my neck with their molten/mouth." The sound, temperature, taste, smell, and emotion here is shining through the whole book.
My two favorites are "On crescents and waning" and "On traveling together." That first piece beautifully details Candrilli's experience finding comfort in their body. While my story is not comparable, I relate to their words about experiencing the "almost-newness" of their body. I appreciated all those images and connections. The second piece takes a moment that many wouldn't notice and magnifies it. There's an aspect of reflection, seeing myself in that moment suspended in time.
Such a gorgeous collection of poetry. I would recommend this to any reader.
I loved Candrilli's imagery, pace, and lyricism throughout. I was so impressed by "Sestina written as though genesis" and "Transgender heroic: All this ridiculous flesh." Both are full of detail and vulnerability. There are so many lines I love from that second piece, one example being, "If you let it in, love can burn hotter/than summer on pavement. I've autumned/in bandages and blood and my partner/still kissed my neck with their molten/mouth." The sound, temperature, taste, smell, and emotion here is shining through the whole book.
My two favorites are "On crescents and waning" and "On traveling together." That first piece beautifully details Candrilli's experience finding comfort in their body. While my story is not comparable, I relate to their words about experiencing the "almost-newness" of their body. I appreciated all those images and connections. The second piece takes a moment that many wouldn't notice and magnifies it. There's an aspect of reflection, seeing myself in that moment suspended in time.
Such a gorgeous collection of poetry. I would recommend this to any reader.
April 4, 2022
"my body can morph / as many times as it needs"
Candrilli's second poetry book "Water I Won't Touch" is a self love book for trans people. It is beautiful in this sentiment as it works to connect to trauma, love, and holistic repairment. This is a great poetry book for someone looking to dive into poetry, but not be driven away. Candrilli creates a world of warmth and openness.
However, I felt that the cohesiveness of the collection was not as smoothly strung together. There were so many elements that Candrilli brought to the table and left there. I believe that this collection tries to capture a whole life, while not answering all the questions it asks
Candrilli's second poetry book "Water I Won't Touch" is a self love book for trans people. It is beautiful in this sentiment as it works to connect to trauma, love, and holistic repairment. This is a great poetry book for someone looking to dive into poetry, but not be driven away. Candrilli creates a world of warmth and openness.
However, I felt that the cohesiveness of the collection was not as smoothly strung together. There were so many elements that Candrilli brought to the table and left there. I believe that this collection tries to capture a whole life, while not answering all the questions it asks
April 1, 2023
Candrilli's poetry is life-affirming and life-changing. This narrative visits the past, present, and future. From one trans person's experience, Water I Won't Touch covers the heaviness of childhood trauma, the incongruence of gender dysphoria, the joy of gender EUPHORIA, and yes, hope. Candrilli makes me hopeful for a world where trans youth are loved and supported, where trans youth can become trans adults with bright futures.
"... the coast affirms
that lines are always changing,
and the tide tells me
my body can morph
as many times as it needs."
CW: domestic violence, child abuse, homophobia, surgery.
"... the coast affirms
that lines are always changing,
and the tide tells me
my body can morph
as many times as it needs."
CW: domestic violence, child abuse, homophobia, surgery.
Read
April 29, 2021My recent Subtext poetry collection pick from Elliott Bay Bookstore was a winner.
The book itself is beautiful. And what is inside even more so.
Here is what Copper Canyon Press says:
Both radically tender and desperate for change, Water I Won’t Touch is a life raft and a self-portrait, concerned with the vitality of trans people living in a dangerous and inhospitable landscape.
The book itself is beautiful. And what is inside even more so.
Here is what Copper Canyon Press says:
Both radically tender and desperate for change, Water I Won’t Touch is a life raft and a self-portrait, concerned with the vitality of trans people living in a dangerous and inhospitable landscape.
December 27, 2021
This is an informative collection of poems by a trans person. Many of Candrilli's poems are about the personal experiences of someone facing gender questions. Seeing these viewpoints provides understanding and should improve tolerance. A valuable collection.
August 21, 2022
One of my new favorite poets.
November 11, 2021
when my blood was outside my body you kept the carnivores at bay
it is hard to clean a home it is harder to clean the memory of it
love is most astonishing when it persists after learning where we come from
what is a family if not preparation?
what is the third degree if not a near smiting?
those downed trees i used to climb are sawdust
can you imagine being so close to nothing
i believe that had i known one trans person as a child, i’d have half as many scars as an adult.
sometimes u have a temper with my hand fruit, bite it a little too hard, because chewing is a frustrated act to begin with.
it’s true that we can hold just about everything inside us, whether we want to or not
~perhaps it is wrong of me to be so critical of your heart, to want it to speak more like mine~
the world is growing warmer. and it is true; i am smaller now, with a heart that much closer to the sun.
it is four in the morning, and they don’t expect me, or anyone, in this holy space they’ve drawn for themselves.
my body can morph as many times as it needs.
as far as i walk from my roots, they grow to reach- and that teaches me everything i need to know about being god.
i am thankful to have been born his daughter because if i had been born my fathers son forget about it.
lulled by that incessant rhythm of violence.
autumn is coming even though i’ve said things i do not mean.
look at me now and see how blood faithfully takes the shape of its body, never asking too many questions.
violent men want me to be a violent man. or they want me dead. what a privilege to have an option.
it is hard to clean a home it is harder to clean the memory of it
love is most astonishing when it persists after learning where we come from
what is a family if not preparation?
what is the third degree if not a near smiting?
those downed trees i used to climb are sawdust
can you imagine being so close to nothing
i believe that had i known one trans person as a child, i’d have half as many scars as an adult.
sometimes u have a temper with my hand fruit, bite it a little too hard, because chewing is a frustrated act to begin with.
it’s true that we can hold just about everything inside us, whether we want to or not
~perhaps it is wrong of me to be so critical of your heart, to want it to speak more like mine~
the world is growing warmer. and it is true; i am smaller now, with a heart that much closer to the sun.
it is four in the morning, and they don’t expect me, or anyone, in this holy space they’ve drawn for themselves.
my body can morph as many times as it needs.
as far as i walk from my roots, they grow to reach- and that teaches me everything i need to know about being god.
i am thankful to have been born his daughter because if i had been born my fathers son forget about it.
lulled by that incessant rhythm of violence.
autumn is coming even though i’ve said things i do not mean.
look at me now and see how blood faithfully takes the shape of its body, never asking too many questions.
violent men want me to be a violent man. or they want me dead. what a privilege to have an option.
March 20, 2022
I'm always writing about heavy things: headstones,
fathers, a feather painted with blood.
Candrilli does indeed delve into weighty topics, as that beginning of "On the Benefits of Learning by Example" says, but does so with a light and tender touch. Language that is simultaneously simple and novel, evocative and exquisite explores a childhood full of drug and alcohol abuse, physical abuse, hunting and butchering and a recent transgender transition involving a double mastectomy. Candrilli also manages to make ample room for the topic of love in a variety of guises. These poems display an almost magical ability to entice empathy. They are wonderfully affecting.
From "Sand & Silt"
If I make a metaphor of my body,
it's a desert. One part longing,
one part need, the rest withstanding. Of course
I would prefer to be thirsty
for nothing. I'd rather do so much
than be touched in this angry dark.
Violent men want me to be a violent man.
Or they want me dead.
What a privilege to have an option.
-----
From "Transgender Heroic: All This Ridiculous Flesh"
How much can be built with only glue?
Ask any trans person in America
what holds them together, and they
will answer: Elmer's, a few loose
stitches, and whatever love can be
harvested from Earth's sad soil.
. . .
Though I've known only the hammer,
I will build so much with glue. Watch me
build a life and feel fed. I'll leave hurt
at the door. I am so painfully full of love.
I could even say my heart is simple, again.
June 16, 2025
i'm trying to do a better job at remembering the books i've read, so i'm going to start by writing this review. i read this book at quite a stressful time (re: finals szn), and if i would go back, i would read it again despite having to cram a few stuff because i was on a kayleb rae candrilli spree once i read pieces of art that were a little too close to the bone.
i also discovered just now that i need to write more reviews because thinking of words to say to describe what this book has made me feel has left me looking like i'm unfamiliar with the english language.
this book has made me both hopeless and hopeful in the most achingly beautiful ways.
i was left longing. for love and whatever it is that makes love (queer love especially so) a little less scary and a bit more on the "easy" side.
my last highlight was "Rivers and roads of love and thanks to Jackie Papanier. Because of you, every window is open, every breeze is gentle, and all the lights, of course, are floating." I AM A PUDDLE T_T
i also discovered just now that i need to write more reviews because thinking of words to say to describe what this book has made me feel has left me looking like i'm unfamiliar with the english language.
this book has made me both hopeless and hopeful in the most achingly beautiful ways.
i was left longing. for love and whatever it is that makes love (queer love especially so) a little less scary and a bit more on the "easy" side.
my last highlight was "Rivers and roads of love and thanks to Jackie Papanier. Because of you, every window is open, every breeze is gentle, and all the lights, of course, are floating." I AM A PUDDLE T_T
Displaying 1 - 30 of 83 reviews