The Guilt We Carry

by Samuel W. Gailey, Jake Perrine (Narrator)

Since the tragic accident that brutally ended her childhood, Alice O’Farrell has been haunted by her past. Unable to bear the guilt of negligence that led to the death of her younger brother, 15-year-old Alice runs away from home. She lives on the streets, makes one bad decision after another, and drowns her guilt in alcohol. But everything changes when she stumbles upon a startling scene: a dead drug dealer and a duffel bag stuffed with 91 thousand dollars in cash.

Recognizing this as an opportunity for a fresh start, Alice takes the money and runs. However, she soon finds herself fleeing from more than her own past. The dead dealer’s drug supplier wants his money back and will destroy her to get it. A merciless manhunt ensues, headed by Sinclair, a formidable opponent who is relentless, shrewd, and brutal. As blood is spilled all around her, Alice is eventually faced with her day of reckoning.

In the end, The Guilt We Carry is a story about redemption and forgiveness, but at what cost?

Perfect for fans of The Girl on the Train and Winter’s Bone, Publishers Weekly praises The Guilt We Carry as “a gripping tale of redemption” and New York Journal of Books declares it “the Breaking Bad of the book world".

Genres: Fiction, Mystery, Thriller, Adult Fiction

Audiobook

First published January 9, 2019

About the author

Samuel W. Gailey was raised in a small town in northeast Pennsylvania (population 379) and now resides on a remote archipelago in the Pacific Northwest. "Come Away From Her" is his third novel, following the critically-acclaimed "Deep Winter" and "The Guilt We Carry". Gailey's novels are intriguing studies of human nature and portray how the simplest act of fate can alter and shatter lives. He lives with his wife, author Ayn Carrillo Gailey, and daughter on Orcas Island where he is a founding board member of the Orcas Island Literary Festival and co-founder of Novel Lab, a free writing workshop for kids.

Reviews

[Linda Strong · Rating 4 out of 5]

Alice wakes up in a strange room, with a strange man lying next to her. She's suffering a bad hangover, and doesn't remember how she got there. But she does know the man and one thing for certain. she would never have gone with him unless she was drugged. She tries to quietly find her clothing, but the man seems dead to the world ... mainly because he is dead.

It seems like she's made one bad decision after another for the past few years. She had had a bright future when she was a teenager... but a traumatic experience sent her reeling, and then living on the streets. Alcohol became her drug of choice ... anything to deaden the memory .. and the guilt.

When she finds the man's duffel bag, she finds more than clean clothes .. and she makes another decision that is going to change the course of her life once again. And when she leaves, she leaves behind a total of 5 dead men ... and another one who will try to hunt her down.

Alice is a terrific character. She's damaged, but still has hope that she can turn her life around someday. She's flawed, has issues, but she's hanging in there. And when she becomes the hunted, bodies fall and blood flows.

Alice is eventually faced with her day of reckoning. In the end, The Guilt We Carry is a story about redemption and forgiveness, but at what cost?

It's a well written story ... and I really enjoyed the use of sounds in the telling ... the sounds when underwater ... when a dryer is running .... when someone cocks a gun. It grabs from the very first and the suspense and tension is driven higher and higher.

Many thanks to the author / Oceanview Publishing / Edelweiss for the digital copy of this crime fiction. Opinions expressed here are unbiased and entirely my own.

[Isabelle | Nine Tale Vixen]

(I received a free eARC from Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review.)

DNF at 16%.

This book could have potential, but it needs seriously heavy editing first. The first flag was the very first chapter, featuring Alice in a swimming competition — and gratuitous description of everything from how far away each of her competitors is to how water muffles the roar of the crowd to the green of her eyes behind mirrored goggles that tint the world amber and the color of her hair tucked under her swim cap. It’s an awkward and excessive way to describe the protagonist at fifteen, especially since we get another round of physical description a few chapters later: she’s now twenty-one, guilt-stricken after her baby brother’s death following her negligence as a babysitter, and figuring out exactly how hungover she is on a painstakingly detailed scale from one to five. The writing leaves nothing to the imagination, whether in terms of visual details, character motivations, or plot, so I felt completely shut out of the narrative and uninterested in trying to get closer.

[Patricia Gussin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alice is a young teenager, happy, smart, the star of her swim team.
Until she is happy no more. A freak accident takes her younger brother's life while she is in-charge, his babysitter.
After that, there is no happiness, only despair, and Alice leaves home, learns about life on the street. Once more a quirky twist presents when she wakes up with a dead body and a bag of cash and drugs. She takes the cash, leaves the body and drugs. Now hunted, she struggles to survive with her still-intact moral values and to stay alive in the crosshairs of her violent pursuer. At the core of Alice's story is resilience, and finally, redemption. This is a gritty novel that throws you into the crucible that has become this young woman's life. Brilliantly written.

[Lori L (She Treads Softly) · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Guilt We Carry by Samuel W. Gailey is a highly recommended thriller and tale of redemption.

In 2005 promising swimming star 15-year-old Alice O’Farrell is left to babysit her 4-year-old brother, Jason. He makes a huge fingernail polish mess in her bedroom and Alice yells at him. While she is trying to clean up the nail polish, Jason makes his way to the basement and somehow manages to trap himself in the dryer and dies. Guilt-ridden, Alice ran away from home soon after this. Six years later, she is an alcoholic working as a bartender at a strip joint in Harrisburg, PA. Since she ran away before she had a driver's license or a credit card, Alice has lived under the radar and moves frequently to avoid making any friends.

When she wakes up after another drunken night next to the dead body of her boss, she needs a drink to figure out what to do. Next, she looks around the trailer and finds a bag with drugs and $91,000 in cash. The cash could give Alice a way out and up from the pit she is in, but the cash is tied to the drug dealer involved. Soon, Alice finds herself on the run, trying to stay away from the drug dealer who relentlessly pursues her, wanting her dead and his cash back. Even while on the run, Alice can't help but see a predatory man trying to take advantage of a teenage runaway and, recognizing the scenario, she intervenes, inadvertently adding another dimension to her escape.

This is a tense, taunt, riveting thriller - violent, dark, and gritty. The scenes in the novel are very descriptive and visual, starting with Alice's promising skill as a swimmer to her excessive drinking to escape. The detailed descriptions continue throughout the narrative, increasing the anxiety and stress as you follow Alice's route to escape and the close pursuit of the drug kingpin who thinks nothing of leaving bodies in his wake.

I flew through The Guilt We Carry. Alice is a flawed, but sympathetic well-developed character. Even while recognizing her flaws and failings, you will be hoping she escapes and finds a way out of the downward spiral she is in. While it is obvious a showdown of sorts will happen, the lead-up to it is intense. You will want her to find closure and redemption, and perhaps even a reconciliation and forgiveness with her parents. The supporting characters in the novel are also fairly well-developed and interesting.

Disclosure: My review copy was courtesy of Oceanview Publishing.
http://www.shetreadssoftly.com/2018/1...

[The Reading Raccoon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you Edelweiss and the publisher for this review copy of The Guilt We Carry by Samuel W. Gailey.
This was an action packed novel of a young woman on the run after being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
The novel flashes back to 5 years prior when a teenage Alice is babysitting her 4 year old brother and he is killed during a freak accident. The grief and guilt are so overwhelming that 15 year old Alice runs away and never looks back. The author uses a deft hand to show the fallout as Alice tries to drown her problems in alcohol and keeping people at an arm’s length.
I really enjoyed this entertaining and fast-paced novel. I think it would make an incredible movie and people would enjoy cheering for Alice and boo’ing the villains giving chase.

[Frances Carrillo · Rating 5 out of 5]

A quick read but completely enjoyable. Loved two things, first how the way characters are developed, they are real and not model characters who you will always root for. For example you can appreciate the zombie like state her mother goes into and you feel the pain that Alice the main character carries through out her life because of the author's descriptive style.

But the other thing that really stood out for me in the descriptive narrative. was the use of sound. I read a few reviews here that did not like it, but it's actually those intensive glances into the moment the characters are experiencing that are so real. From the water in her swim meets you're heart is pounding with her listening to the nearby swimmers to the Kaplunk! Kaplunk! Kaplunk! that forever haunts the main character. It's like you are experiencing the moment because it is so visual and audible. That sound haunted me as i read. I enjoy a book that makes me feel real emotions.

Very happy with this read and would highly recommend it if you like character drawn stories.

[Simon Sulzbacher · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5/5 Sterne
Ein Buch, das viel andeutet, aber wenig liefert.
Es versucht mit ernster Miene Tiefgang zu suggerieren, bleibt aber oft an der Oberfläche. Figuren handeln, ohne wirklich zu leben, und was an Spannung aufgebaut wird, verpufft im Nebel beliebiger Wendungen. Sprachlich okay, aber ohne Biss. Kein völliger Fehlschlag, aber irgendwie schade ums Potenzial.

[Angie Lyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Page turner! Packed with details so you feel like you are walking beside the main character! Must read!

[Kathleen Gray · Rating 3 out of 5]

Alice's perfect life spiraled out of control after her younger brother died while she was responsible for him. She's descended into a world where there's no good news. Then she finds a big bag of money and thinks things will look up. Not. Now she's being hunted down by the man who wants the money back. This is a good story at it's root but it would have benefited from an edit to pare a bit. I think this actually would make quite a good movie. Thanks to Edelweiss for the ARC. Worth a read.

[Les · Rating 2 out of 5]

WARNING SPOILER ALERT!

Could have been 3 stars until we got to the ending, which was so utterly preposterous that I nearly gave it a single star for ruining the story.

Why?

1) we're supposed to believe that she can drive off a drawbridge while it was elevated, like Evel Knievel, then impact the river below, without wearing a seatbelt and somehow swim free because she left the window open. Meanwhile, the psychopath in the passenger seat dies because he can't get his seatbelt undone. That's ballpark around a 150 foot freefall, with an impact of around 65 mph for her to get slammed with (don't ask me, I'm relying on others' data). And that's on top of broken ribs and numerous other injuries. And the car falls level into the water rather than cartwheeling over.

2) okay, she's young (although unhealthy thanks to years of heavy drinking and living on the streets) so maybe she does manage to swim away without anyone noticing her breaking the surface. But that doesn't explain the even bigger flaw in the story. When the police drag the vehicle out from the depths they find the body of Phillip, the enforcer, in the trunk. How did it get there?

He's repeatedly described as a mountain of a man, a giant, King Kong, etc. So, he's a massive deadweight of several hundred pounds. He finally dies in the house yet somehow his body makes its way out into the trunk of his car. As noted, Alice is severely battered and bruised even before their final encounter. She gets a dozen bleeding cuts on her hands and arms just breaking in, then gets a knife slash across her shoulder that left her arm numb. She finally outlasts him. Delilah and Elton are both at death's door from being slashed and beaten up by Phillip before her arrival. Delilah is bleeding profusely from a head wound and is barely conscious.

To quote the story: "She tried to dig into his back pockets but he was too big, too heavy. She stood up, grabbed one of his massive arms and pulled - her rib popped and flared, and she dropped his arm with a violent gasp. She took a breath. Tried again, and finally managed to flip the man onto his stomach."

Mind you, she's already called 911 and she can hear the sirens coming. Yet somehow she and Delilah, a barely conscious little mouse of a teenager, manage to pick up the behemoth and carry him out of the house and up into the trunk of his car. You read that right. She can barely even get the body to flip over because he's so big, but then a woozy, bleeding teen girl helps and they're able to cart him out of the house and she makes her escape before the authorities arrive.

So, a halfway decent story ruined by an utterly ridiculous ending.

[Jenee Rager · Rating 3 out of 5]

This novel had an interesting story line, and I felt for the most part the characters acted in a manner that was consistent with their development which was nice, but in all honesty the writing itself seemed a bit amateurish, and it made the whole story lack that spark that takes a novel from being simply okay, or good, to making it great. I really struggled with all of the bloody death scenes, particularly the one with law enforcement, that Alice just walks away from. The odds of law enforcement not tracking her down for questioning, especially when two of their own are killed in action, is absolutely ludacris and taints the rest of the story.

[Brucie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I liked this treatment of the Redemption theme. The story is presented in a cinematic style, with lots of color and sound and action and dialog. I suppose I prefer a literate style with character depth and motivation. Poor proofreading results in confusing shutter/shudder and coarse/course. It's an ordinary thriller with almost good girls and very bad guys, with no outstanding features. The book I borrowed from the local library reeked of smoke.

[Ashley · Rating 1 out of 5]

ARC from Edelweiss

This book was unfortunately not one I could read. I got a few chapters in and couldn't do it. If the book had some extra editing it may have improved.

[Ammar Habib · Rating 5 out of 5]

The thriller genre is often said to be over-saturated with veteran authors and new talents, making it a tall task to break into the genre and gain exposure. Finding a gem in the sea of novels can be difficult, but it is always worth it when you find a jewel such as Samuel W. Gailey’s The Guilt We Carry.

Although it can seem like a typical thriller, Gailey’s focus on character sets it apart from many other similar works. Alice O’Farrell is a well-rounded character. Like all people, she has many different facets to who she is, and each of these parts of her personality comes across as realistic. Alice is damaged and lives with a lot of guilt (a motif of the story). The readers may not all have the same type of guilt she has, but the way she deals with her guilt is something that readers can connect with.

Alice still believes that even after all the bad decisions in her life, she can still turn her life around, a common notion most people share. She’s holding onto that hope that things will get better. Gailey does an excellent job of writing her as a flawed protagonist, one whose shortcomings mirror many realities of the real world.

Although the story is told in the third-person point-of-view, Gailey utilizes a descriptive narrative that draws the reader in. The descriptions are detailed and intense, making it very easy to visualize the scenes. Gailey knows how to utilize his pacing well, creating a lot of tension in the scenes where it’s needed, and slowing the pace down at times when the readers can learn more about the characters.

As the title suggests, one of the main themes is guilt and the ramifications of it. In a way, this internal struggle Alice battles is a bigger fight than her external battles. These themes are mature, and it is obviously not intended for younger audiences. Nonetheless, adult audiences who are fans of the thriller genre will certainly love The Guilt We Carry.

[Joseph Spuckler · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Guilt We carry is a novel centering on Alice O'Farrell an all American girl. She is the star of the swim team and driven succeed. She seeks and is given responsibility at home. At fifteen her parents allow her to babysit her brother. It goes well and she again watches him again and in an almost impossible chain of events ends in tragedy. Alice is unable to face her parents and shortly afterward runs away. She is drawn into a world where she lives day to day at the bottom rungs of society. She avoids drugs and prostitution but turns to alcohol and bartending in strip clubs. At fifteen, Alice avoids most of the snags that people hiding fall victim to. She has no drivers license or credit cards and can become essentially invisible.

Alice is betrayed by her latest employer and is on the run again. Unfortunately, there is a pile of bodies left behind and Alice is hunted by drug dealers. Her escape will create a reluctant friendship and rekindle another. She will learn about guilt and not just her guilt. The darker elements of the story seem very deep but there is a glimmer of hope and freedom. Alice just must find her way to it and avoid the quick fixes that hide the symptoms rather than the address the cure.

The characters are well developed and provide a variety of personas and several carry their own type of guilt as most people do. The settings vary from urban Harrisburg to rural North Carolina and bring with its own set of difficulties and prejudices.

[Wulfwyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book description really sucked me in. I have been wanting to read it since I read that. Thank you to Goodreads and the author for the opportunity to read this as a Goodreads giveaway winner.

I was wrapped up in the book though that didn’t happen until almost the halfway mark. There is a lot of descriptive writing that leaves little to be imagined. At the same time that descriptive writing allowed you to distinctly hear the major sound of the book. Sorry to be a little vague but I’d rather you read the book. There were three places where the plot did not hold up for me. One had to do with a death, the others with Alice. I really liked Alice. I could form a fairly accurate idea of who she is, which is where the two breaks from the story come in. Despite these three spots, (two get addressed though, for me, not satisfactorily), I was still invested in the story I was being told. I did like the ending. I would have liked to know more about Elton and Delilah though.
I am interested in reading another book by this author.

[Peter Quinn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sam Gailey brings his screenwriter’s eye to his second novel; The Guilt We Carry. This story has vibrant scenes, stagecraft, and characters who form in your imagination in detail.

This mystery thriller achieves what any good book in the genre does; keeps you wondering until the end, care intensely about the characters, bad and good, and leave you an ending that is surprising yet believable.

Alice is a young woman whose promising life disintegrates due to the death of her little brother. She feels responsible and adopts the behavior of someone who does not believe they deserve anything, needing to self-medicate to dull the pain and truly doesn’t care what happens to her. But, somewhere deep down, she can’t give up and when events take a turn from self-annihilation to self-preservation – survival becomes essential.

The Guilt We carry is full of characters the reader ‘gets’. Good and bad, they are believable, three dimensional people we are willing to follow to the end.

[Kari · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was my first book by Samuel W. Hailey and it was a great read! Different from what I have been reading lately, but wonderful nonetheless.

The Guilt We Carry follows a young girl who witnessed a horrible accident. The accident changes everything and she believes the only solution is to runaway.

Following Alice's life as a runaway is nothing short of interesting. She makes mistakes, but her journey towards home is eye opening. It's a story where you can really feel and relate with the characters which is the best kind of writing. I cannot wait for more from Samuel W. Gailey!

[Michael Hughes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Make sure you have time because you won’t want to put it down.

Typically it takes me a week or two to get through a book.... a few pages before bed, an hour on the weekend and so forth. But this is the 2nd book I have read by Sam Gailey and both times I devoured it in less than 24 hours. The character details, both the actual characters and the way he uses context and landscape to elicit texture, lead me to reorganize my schedule so I can keep reading. Fortunately both times I read his books while on vacation so I didn’t have to fake a sick day.

[Grace Koshida · Rating 3 out of 5]

Teenager Alice O'Farrell feels responsible for the tragic accident that killed her younger brother Jason. She runs away from home and for the next 6 years, her life spirals out of control. Then one morning, she wakes up next to a dead man and a duffel bag full of cash. Alice decides to take the money and run but the dead dealer’s drug supplier wants his money back and goes on a merciless manhunt to find her.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Catching my attention and holding it straight through-definitely riveting. More descriptive violence than I like, but it fit the mood and made the triumphs more rich.

I wanted the ending to be more defined though-and to know for sure what happened to everyone and have Alice at least benefit somewhat monetarily. I also wanted to see more restoration-at least a happy ending epilogue.

Even so, it was excellently written and ended well.

[Daniel Menacher · Rating 3 out of 5]

The guilt we carry is a solid 3 or 3 1/2 stars. No less and no more. A solid read, with fairly interesting characters. The pace is good and the story wraps up well. But if you gave it a 5 than you have low standards, And if you gave it less than 3 than that's on you, and you were having a bad-read day. I liked it; I liked the protagonist and the bad guy. It's worth a read.

[Randy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Superb.

Oooh. This was just brilliant. I couldn't help but feel Alice's pain. I so badly wanted her to be safe and able to move on. Sinclair on the other hand, I wanted nothing but devastation for that evil little man. You can't read this book and not become invested in the characters and the storyline. THAT is the essence of a great story. And this is definitely that in spades.

[Andy Nasisse · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gailey writes well. Intelligent, clean, and relevant prose that moves a great story along at the perfect pace. This book keeps you engaged and has an almost perfect ending! Why the book jacket calls it "The Breaking Bad of the book world" is beyond me! Writers should put their foot down when publishers want to do bull shit stuff like this........just cheapens the package.

[Nina Wagner · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Excellent in suspense and keeping you on the edge of your seat. A few things implausible - EG I don't know anybody who has ever swum the last 25 yards of a race with their eyes closed. And my own personal preference, minor spoiler: I would have preferred a more definitive resolution at the end.

[Qui2 · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. I love the characters, and the author did such a great job of describing the area around Eltons home that I have a real visual in my mind of what that looks like. There was one thing that logistically didn’t make sense, but it really didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. I also didn’t like the name of the book.

[Rene Jurelet · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is a cliché from start to finish. The plot is totally unoriginal. It seems like it was written with the hope of being turned into a TV movie. Fans of Gillian Flynn or Daniel Woodrell will be super disappointed with this one.

[Bob Lingle · Rating 4 out of 5]

The writing is very engaging, Gailey has a superior skill-set for painting a detailed picture and placing you inside of it. There were a couple elements of the story I felt lacked resolution, but the overall pace and plot kept you along for the ride.

[Duncan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well developed characters, a plot that shows professionalism, and writing that is tight without being muscular or verbose. Gailey manages to develop his heroine without making her into a caricature, turning her from a bag of bones into a fully-fleshed human being.

[Janet E. Rash · Rating 4 out of 5]

Guilt

A strong story about wrong choices and their collateral damage in the life of a guilt ridden young woman runaway.