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Forget Prayers, Bring Cake: A Single Woman's Guide to Grieving
We can heal with help from our friends and community if we know how to ask. This book was written for people of all ages and orientations dealing with grief of any sort—professional, personal, romantic, familial, or even the sadness of the modern world.
A book needed now more than ever. The world is soaked in grief right now, as we are quickly approaching a million deaths from COVID-19. Grief is common to the point of moving beyond an occasional weight—it feels now like a perpetual state of being. This book helps teach self-care and self-worth; it shows when and how to ask for love and attention in your communities and how to provide it for others; and it shows that it is okay to define your needs and ask others to share theirs. In a moment where community, affection, and generosity are needed more than ever, this book is a road map. With an expert author who boasts a wide media network and many existing publications, this book should be a leading guide to a healthy mental state in these troubled times.
A book needed now more than ever. The world is soaked in grief right now, as we are quickly approaching a million deaths from COVID-19. Grief is common to the point of moving beyond an occasional weight—it feels now like a perpetual state of being. This book helps teach self-care and self-worth; it shows when and how to ask for love and attention in your communities and how to provide it for others; and it shows that it is okay to define your needs and ask others to share theirs. In a moment where community, affection, and generosity are needed more than ever, this book is a road map. With an expert author who boasts a wide media network and many existing publications, this book should be a leading guide to a healthy mental state in these troubled times.
180 pages, Paperback
Published August 17, 2021
14 people are currently reading
378 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
August 29, 2021
Personally, I think this book would be helpful to anyone grieving- single or not. But the author is thorough in addressing topics that almost all of us will need to cope with (I.e. how many death certificates? What passwords do you need?), as well as those that only single people will likely need ( I.e. to tinder or not? Who will help me through this?). She related her own story, as well as sharing information from grief experts. I will definitely be going back to this book and gifting it to others.
October 5, 2024
Very validating and a beneficial read to not just the single woman but all cake lovers
June 25, 2024
“Forget the Prayers, Bring Cake: A Single Woman’s Guide to Grieving” is a nonfiction book that provides a first-hand account of how a single woman experience navigating the grieving process after the sudden death of her father and a recent relocation from New England to New Orleans.
The book consists of a foreword, author’s note, introduction, and thirteen chapters divided into three parts, and acknowledgments.
Prior to the introduction, definitions are provided for the words grief, loss, and mourning which to me serves as a way to prepare the reader for the contents with the book.
In the foreword, Autumn Brown shares her experience with an unexpected divorce and becoming a single mother of three children and the grief that followed due to the end of her marriage and the later loss of her unborn child while pregnant. Brown ends the foreword by stating that this book will not only teach the reader to face grief alone but also guide the reader into embracing the power of aloneness.
In the author’s note, Gerson shares her experience as a twenty-two-year-old coffeehouse waitress watching a friend from Addis Ababa become physically ill because being in America, he is unable to grieve the death of his mother in his culture’s traditional way which is screaming. Following this experience, Gerson expresses the perspective that we as a culture as chronically grief stricken and as the reader to consider how to grieve, what to do, who to talk to, when to mourn and how long to mourn. I appreciate that Gerson admits that the book will be written from her worldview as a white, cis gender, American Jewish woman. In addition, Gerson aims to be inclusive in the book by expressing that this book is for woman or anyone who identifies as androgynous or non-binary and that the use of the word “we” is meant to include all people navigating loss. Lastly, I valued the care that Gerson shows for the reader by stating that there is pain in these pages and imploring the reader to tend to themselves and take breaks or shut the book as needed.
In the introduction, Gerson shares her experiences with grief following the death of her amazing 103-year old grandmother and how during a conversation with a local chaplain, she is surprised when she’s told that it’s unhealthy for Gerson to grieve alone. Gerson thinks of past relatives who lived alone and wonders how they successfully grieved with a man in the life before describing her experience of being in her twenties in praying for a partner. As Gerson entered her late thirties, she feels like a failure but eventually learns to relish her single life. After seeing a lack of guides on grieving for the single woman, Gerson decides to write a book that shares her personal story of experiencing the death of her father and navigating the process of grief over the course of a year.
Part one, “Life Before Death,” focuses on how to identify needs when experiencing grief as a single person, tools for helping with the grieving process, making your friends your spouse or learning how to ask for help, dating while grieving, wills and bills of the deceased and what to expect when expecting grief.
The book begins with Gerson making the biggest commitment of her life of buying a house in May 2019 in New Orleans, Louisiana. Accompanied to New Orleans by her father Allan, they became very close while he helps her settle in life living alone in an unfamiliar city. Shortly after living on New Orleans and with her brother David visiting her home, they are both shocked when they learn that their Allan has been admitted into the hospital via a FaceTime call with their mother.
Gerson is heartbroken over the quick decline of her formerly healthy poet, photographer, international lawyer father weakened to the point that he could no longer stand up without falling and texts with constant letters. Gerson shares with the reader that the process of grieving the loss of her father as she knew him is officially called pre-grief.
When Gerson goes to see her father in the hospital, she is shocked at how childlike her has become. Eventually, Allan is diagnosed with a rare brain disease called Creutzfeldt-Jacob and is given seven to ten months to live. Upon returning home to New Orleans, Gerson attends her first Second Line funerary ritual while helps her taps into her own grief by participating in the grief of others. In an attempt to share the Second Line experience with her father, Gerson is alarmed when during a FaceTime call to Allan, he responds by hanging up. After realizing the true depth of her sadness over Allan’s deteriorating state, Gerson uses social media to create a community of religious and fun groups to bolster her during her grief journey.
Gerson provides final comfort to Allan by singing a Hebrew prayer song and goes through various death rituals with her family. Part one ends with Gerson sharing that grief and mourning can’t be controlled and realizing that seeing her Allan die has created a trauma response in her body which she is able to better understand after meeting with a grief therapist.
Part two begins focuses on life after death and explores how her relationships changes following a death, how long the grieving process can extend, establishing a spiritual practice and the impact of compound grief.
Gerson writes of how friendships change after death and how she could better relate to those who experienced death rather than well-meaning friends who say that the deceased was in a better place. Trauma from others can led to a trauma explosion from Gerson. As time passes after her father’s death, Gerson grief causes her to get angry and wants to become violent as various things reminds her of her father’s death when she least expects it. As a way to cope either her grief, she connects to a grief recovery group. There is no shame in seeking solace through group therapy.
In the chapter about prayer, I especially liked how Gerson says that prayer is not confined to a religion or speaking words. Creative ways to engage in prayer include cooking, listening to music, or even sitting in silence.
Part two ends with Gerson sharing how New Orleans became home to her nine months after her father’s death as well as preparing for hurricane season. Inherited trauma, acute grief and ongoing grief is discussed at length followed by Gerson providing ways for the reader to stabilizing their nervous system in a pinch.
In part three, “The Future,” Gerson focuses on how to memorialize a deceased loved one on your own terms, completed grief, and finding joy after death.
When Gerson writes about ways in which she and her family memorialized Allan, it was interesting to learn about the Jewish traditions sitting Shiva as well as Kaddish which is a prayer done three times a day for eleven months after the death of a loved one.
At the one-year mark of Allan’s death, Gerson symbolizes the end of her grieving period by cutting her hair to release that grief she’s carried through the year then having her hair dyed pink to symbolize a new chapter of life without Allan.
The book ends with Gerson preparing for her second Mardi Gras, fully settling into life in New Orleans, becoming an active a part of the community, and reclaiming joy by participating in a parade, riding through the streets with a friend, and enjoying various slices of cake.
After I finished this book, I liked that Gerson ends each chapter with an information to help the reader with their grief process whether it is setting up a grief support list, building an after-death checklist, setting new boundaries with family and friends, or building a death ritual. Although this book is primarily geared towards single women, I feel that the tools Gerson provides can be useful for anyone (single, married, or in complicated relationships) experiencing grief and loss whether it is the loss of a relationship, job, or loved one.
The book consists of a foreword, author’s note, introduction, and thirteen chapters divided into three parts, and acknowledgments.
Prior to the introduction, definitions are provided for the words grief, loss, and mourning which to me serves as a way to prepare the reader for the contents with the book.
In the foreword, Autumn Brown shares her experience with an unexpected divorce and becoming a single mother of three children and the grief that followed due to the end of her marriage and the later loss of her unborn child while pregnant. Brown ends the foreword by stating that this book will not only teach the reader to face grief alone but also guide the reader into embracing the power of aloneness.
In the author’s note, Gerson shares her experience as a twenty-two-year-old coffeehouse waitress watching a friend from Addis Ababa become physically ill because being in America, he is unable to grieve the death of his mother in his culture’s traditional way which is screaming. Following this experience, Gerson expresses the perspective that we as a culture as chronically grief stricken and as the reader to consider how to grieve, what to do, who to talk to, when to mourn and how long to mourn. I appreciate that Gerson admits that the book will be written from her worldview as a white, cis gender, American Jewish woman. In addition, Gerson aims to be inclusive in the book by expressing that this book is for woman or anyone who identifies as androgynous or non-binary and that the use of the word “we” is meant to include all people navigating loss. Lastly, I valued the care that Gerson shows for the reader by stating that there is pain in these pages and imploring the reader to tend to themselves and take breaks or shut the book as needed.
In the introduction, Gerson shares her experiences with grief following the death of her amazing 103-year old grandmother and how during a conversation with a local chaplain, she is surprised when she’s told that it’s unhealthy for Gerson to grieve alone. Gerson thinks of past relatives who lived alone and wonders how they successfully grieved with a man in the life before describing her experience of being in her twenties in praying for a partner. As Gerson entered her late thirties, she feels like a failure but eventually learns to relish her single life. After seeing a lack of guides on grieving for the single woman, Gerson decides to write a book that shares her personal story of experiencing the death of her father and navigating the process of grief over the course of a year.
Part one, “Life Before Death,” focuses on how to identify needs when experiencing grief as a single person, tools for helping with the grieving process, making your friends your spouse or learning how to ask for help, dating while grieving, wills and bills of the deceased and what to expect when expecting grief.
The book begins with Gerson making the biggest commitment of her life of buying a house in May 2019 in New Orleans, Louisiana. Accompanied to New Orleans by her father Allan, they became very close while he helps her settle in life living alone in an unfamiliar city. Shortly after living on New Orleans and with her brother David visiting her home, they are both shocked when they learn that their Allan has been admitted into the hospital via a FaceTime call with their mother.
Gerson is heartbroken over the quick decline of her formerly healthy poet, photographer, international lawyer father weakened to the point that he could no longer stand up without falling and texts with constant letters. Gerson shares with the reader that the process of grieving the loss of her father as she knew him is officially called pre-grief.
When Gerson goes to see her father in the hospital, she is shocked at how childlike her has become. Eventually, Allan is diagnosed with a rare brain disease called Creutzfeldt-Jacob and is given seven to ten months to live. Upon returning home to New Orleans, Gerson attends her first Second Line funerary ritual while helps her taps into her own grief by participating in the grief of others. In an attempt to share the Second Line experience with her father, Gerson is alarmed when during a FaceTime call to Allan, he responds by hanging up. After realizing the true depth of her sadness over Allan’s deteriorating state, Gerson uses social media to create a community of religious and fun groups to bolster her during her grief journey.
Gerson provides final comfort to Allan by singing a Hebrew prayer song and goes through various death rituals with her family. Part one ends with Gerson sharing that grief and mourning can’t be controlled and realizing that seeing her Allan die has created a trauma response in her body which she is able to better understand after meeting with a grief therapist.
Part two begins focuses on life after death and explores how her relationships changes following a death, how long the grieving process can extend, establishing a spiritual practice and the impact of compound grief.
Gerson writes of how friendships change after death and how she could better relate to those who experienced death rather than well-meaning friends who say that the deceased was in a better place. Trauma from others can led to a trauma explosion from Gerson. As time passes after her father’s death, Gerson grief causes her to get angry and wants to become violent as various things reminds her of her father’s death when she least expects it. As a way to cope either her grief, she connects to a grief recovery group. There is no shame in seeking solace through group therapy.
In the chapter about prayer, I especially liked how Gerson says that prayer is not confined to a religion or speaking words. Creative ways to engage in prayer include cooking, listening to music, or even sitting in silence.
Part two ends with Gerson sharing how New Orleans became home to her nine months after her father’s death as well as preparing for hurricane season. Inherited trauma, acute grief and ongoing grief is discussed at length followed by Gerson providing ways for the reader to stabilizing their nervous system in a pinch.
In part three, “The Future,” Gerson focuses on how to memorialize a deceased loved one on your own terms, completed grief, and finding joy after death.
When Gerson writes about ways in which she and her family memorialized Allan, it was interesting to learn about the Jewish traditions sitting Shiva as well as Kaddish which is a prayer done three times a day for eleven months after the death of a loved one.
At the one-year mark of Allan’s death, Gerson symbolizes the end of her grieving period by cutting her hair to release that grief she’s carried through the year then having her hair dyed pink to symbolize a new chapter of life without Allan.
The book ends with Gerson preparing for her second Mardi Gras, fully settling into life in New Orleans, becoming an active a part of the community, and reclaiming joy by participating in a parade, riding through the streets with a friend, and enjoying various slices of cake.
After I finished this book, I liked that Gerson ends each chapter with an information to help the reader with their grief process whether it is setting up a grief support list, building an after-death checklist, setting new boundaries with family and friends, or building a death ritual. Although this book is primarily geared towards single women, I feel that the tools Gerson provides can be useful for anyone (single, married, or in complicated relationships) experiencing grief and loss whether it is the loss of a relationship, job, or loved one.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 12, 2022
In the past 5 years both my parents died. This book was helpful as it reminded me that grief takes time (and there is not set time limit) and the comfort of rituals. I find myself giving myself more grace about my own grief and allowing myself to be sad, rather than simply burying my grief & “soldering” on.
August 25, 2021
Wonderful read! Our culture doesn't talk a lot about grief, so when we're hit with it we often don't know how to process it. Merissa Nathan Gerson is beautifully honest and genuine and made reading this book feel like I was talking with a friend who "gets it" and has something helpful to say.
September 8, 2021
What a beautiful book: self-help told through a lens of memoir, which makes it raw and poignant and incredibly perceptive. No one escapes grief; having read this, I feel better equipped to handle my own experience of grief, and to support loved ones in theirs. Highly recommended.
November 5, 2022
Part memoir, part self-help book, Ms. Gerson brings us on her grieving journey, coupled with moving to a new city and starting a new life, right before her father fell terminally ill. For anyone who lost their parents and had to deal with the aftermath of estate execution, this book is for you. Having lost both my parents in a span of three years, it has been a very difficult time for me, despite support from friends and family. Like Ms. Gerson, I am grateful for that support, but it was up to me to accept the loss and how to navigate the “new normal”. The tips that she provides in the book are given to us by an “old friend” – kind, yet firm. The most important thing a person can do when dealing with tremendous loss is to put yourself first – take care of your needs, whatever they may be. It isn’t being selfish because how can you handle what life throws at you, when you’re operating on empty?
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September 23, 2021141 // FORGET PRAYERS, BRING CAKE is an account of the year in which Merissa Nathan Gerson grieved the loss of her dad and discovered what she really needed in order to mourn properly. With practical ideas and lists for how to deal with the logistics around death and how to build a supportive community around you, Merissa encourages readers to prepare as best as possible for the difficulties of grief that eventually affect all of us. Simple rituals can build community and can comfort us as we make space for grief as a practice. This memoir/guide to grief is both a comfort and a helpful resource.
June 7, 2024
I read this because I needed to read something with cake in the title. I appreciate that this book doesn’t say you’ll go through these phases and this is how you deal with it. Instead, it mentions how different cultures grieve and how everyone’s grief is different. The book encourages the individual to embrace their way and lists a variety of ways to get their needs met. It also shares how you can ask others for what you need or how to talk to a grieving person so they are still in control of their grieving process. Not your usual, “how to deal with loss,” book. 👍🏼👍🏼
November 22, 2024
почала слухати через назву, але була розчарована та кинула на середині. можливо через те, що я очікувала більше персонального досвіду та психо��огічного боку проживання горя і його стадій, кілька довгих розділів про те як треба дбати про тіло і правильно просити підтримку виявилися дуже нудними. звісно, всі аспекти перераховані в книзі важливі (я подивилася зміст подальших розділів), але прям ціла книга з пустого в порожнє мені прям занадто.
December 23, 2021
This was helpful book. However the book is mistitled is should be “Every Women’s Guide to Grieving”. In fact, I would venture to say that men might find it helpful too.
The content is engaging. And although the subject matter sad .. I was lifted up.
The content is engaging. And although the subject matter sad .. I was lifted up.
January 28, 2023
This author had some great tips on how to deal with grieving on a more personal level. Listen to your body and not feeling guilty for ignoring other's advice on how you should handle loss. To each their own.
August 17, 2021
Love it! What an important and timely book.
November 21, 2021
Thank you for the author. This book came at exactly the right time. I will recommend and gift to anyone who loses a loved one, single or not.
January 5, 2022
I recommend this for anyone who has ever felt trapped or alone in their grief. Single or not.
May 9, 2022
So so many books on grief, on death, on dying, are already 30, 40, 50 years old. I would know. I've read a hell of a lot of them. Since my sister died, I've read dozens of books on grief and this is the first one that really felt like it understood me. Understood what I needed. Understood how the world works today in 2022. It was a breath of fresh air in the genre of grief books. I truly appreciated this book and what it has to offer everyone, not just single women.
June 28, 2022
Such a good book! Gives amazing insight and practical steps for navigating grief for anyone - not just single people!
September 4, 2022
The title and cover threw me off, but I’m glad that I finally did read it. This may be the most helpful book I’ve read this year.
March 5, 2025
A wonderfully practical guide to grieving any loss solo.
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews