It's Hard to Be Hip Over Thirty and Other Tragedies of Married Life / People and Other Aggravations

by Judith Viorst

The honeymoon is over
And he has left for work
Whistling something obvious from La Boheme
And carrying a brown calfskin attache case
I never dreamed he was capable of owning,
Having started the day
With ten pushups and a cold shower
Followed by a hearty breakfast.

(What do we actually have in common?)

The honeymoon is over
And I am dry-mopping the floor
In a green Dacron dry-mopping outfit from Saks,
Wondering why I'm not dancing in the dark,
Or rejecting princes,
Or hearing people gasp at my one-man show,
My god, so beautiful and so gifted!

(The trouble is I never knew a prince.)

Genres: Poetry, Humor, Classics, Nonfiction, Womens

107 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1968

About the author

Judith Viorst is an American writer, newspaper journalist, and psychoanalysis researcher. She is known for her humorous observational poetry and for her children's literature. This includes The Tenth Good Thing About Barney (about the death of a pet) and the Alexander series of short picture books, which includes Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (1972), which has sold over two million copies.
Viorst is a 1952 graduate of the Newark College of Arts and Sciences at Rutgers University in Newark, New Jersey. In 1968, she signed the "Writers and Editors War Tax Protest" pledge, vowing to refuse tax payments in protest against the Vietnam War. In the latter part of the 1970s, after two decades of writing for children and adults, Viorst turned to the study of Freudian psychology. In 1981, she became a research graduate at Washington Psychoanalytic Institute after six years of study.

Reviews

[Julie Ehlers · Rating 2 out of 5]

This slim volume contains two poetry collections by Judith Viorst, one published in 1968 and the other in 1970. Both are meant to be humorous, and both deal with the same themes: How annoyed Judith Viorst is by her marriage, how uncool she feels compared to just about everyone else, and how annoyed she is by her uncoolness. As you might imagine, this tends to get a bit repetitive. She just can't stop going on and on about how now that she's married and has kids, she has to pack lunches instead of traveling the world, and about how her husband still gets to live in the world of adults while she's home mopping the floor and picking up toys. This dissection of the foibles of stay-at-home wifehood and motherhood reminded me of something, although it took me a while to realize what: Erma Bombeck's syndicated humor columns, which appeared in many American newspapers throughout the 1970s. Except these poems contain none of the warmth and little of the emotional range commonly found in Bombeck's work.

These collections were reprinted in 1999 with the implication that they're a forgotten document of the second wave of feminism, but I have to say I wasn't overly impressed in this regard either. Sure, there's something feminist about pointing out that marriage isn't always everything it's cracked up to be, but Viorst makes a point of saying that she still thinks it's better to be married than single, and she's also explicit that she has no use for the women's movement. So this is essentially quite a conservative work, 104 pages of someone griping about her marriage but not actually interested in doing anything to change the status quo.

So who is this book actually for? If you're really interested in poetry from the second wave, you'd be much better off checking out Adrienne Rich, Audre Lorde, Marge Piercy, or this volume (from which Judith Viorst is, tellingly, missing). If you just want to listen to someone complain about their spouse, I would suggest simply going outside, stopping a random person on the sidewalk, and asking them how their marriage is going. You might make a new friend, and as a bonus you can avoid this book altogether.

[M · Rating 1 out of 5]

It's Hard to Be Hip Over Thirty is slightly better then People and Other Aggravations, but that isn't saying much. I will elaborate on this after the readathon.

***************************

So I was kind of tricked into this book. A poem from Judith Viorst's Suddenly Sixty And Other Shocks Of Later Life, 'Old Friends', appeared on the twelfth issue of The Persephone Biannually, and I was immediately attracted to her direct and tender way of dealing with the loss of a dear one. If you get the chance, read that poem - it's really moving.

I figured that It's Hard to Be Hip Over Thirty and Other Tragedies of Married Life / People and Other Aggravations, the volume published by Persephone, would be a great place to start. This edition includes both It's Hard to Be Hip Over Thirty and Other Tragedies of Married Life, and People and Other Aggravations, two different but related poetry collections written by Judith Viorst and first published in 1968.

I really wanted to like this. The voice is as wonderful as in 'Old Friends' - humorous, witty, and insightful. While I don't often read poetry, when I do, I prefer this direct, plain and humorous approach to the more convoluted poems that we are usually forced to study in our school years, and Viorst really delivers on that front. The choice of subject is one that appeals to me - marriage, gender roles and identity. Unfortunately, Judith Viorst and I don't see eye to eye in these matters.

In It's Hard to Be Hip Over Thirty, the married life she describes is so wildly different from what I know that I can only pity her. She fills her poems with fear of the other woman and sees lovers as inherent to a functioning marriage. While I don't think everybody wants to have a lifelong committed monogamous relationship, I believe that marriage is just that, unless it is previously defined in a different fashion by both partners. However, what Viorst is saying is that no matter how modern times are, boys will be boys and we just have to put up with the consequences, be it extramarital affairs or any of the other perceived expressions of manliness.

At the same time, Viorst and her peers, which were the direct inspiration for this collection, are deeply dissatisfied with marriage. They are forced into the role of 'wife', so they have to give up careers and confine themselves to house chores, and they do this after the shock of discovering the 'husband' is wildly different from the 'boyfriend' and 'fiancé'. And yet, they don't try to change it. In fact, in People and Other Aggravations, this situation worsens. When compared to the life led by women rights defendants, Viorst definitely prefers marriage and scorns those who don't (See: 'Married is Better' or 'A Women's Liberation Movement Woman'). This second collection ends up being a giant ridiculization of anyone who tries to challenge the norm.

I get that this book is a glimpse of our society half a century ago, and that women were raised up with different beliefs, and Viorst is conscious of this (See: 'Lessons'). She is, after all, a really intelligent and well-read woman. All of this early poems probably stem from fear of the unknown, of fighting against the establishment. But I just can't laud a book with such a negative message, especially when rape is shown in a good light. This is a fragment from 'Anti-Heroine', a poem about the adventure life she is sacrificed for marriage, and shown in contrast to the tedious, endless chores she has to fulfill every day:

Why am I never running through the heather?
Why am I never raped by Howard Roark?
Why am I never going to Pamplona
Instead of Philadelphia and Newark?

Just no. Even as a comical exaggeration of marriage and gender roles, I just can't recommend this book.

[Mirte · Rating 4 out of 5]

Judith Viorst's poetry is beautiful. I read this book really slowly because I wanted to treasure each poem, slowly read it, unpack it, read it again and thoroughly enjoy it.

Viorst manages to take the ordinary, situations in everyday life in everyday language, and make it something poetic that I feel many women will intensely identify with. She writes about her marriage, about friendships, about her position in society as a woman, about the way her life changes as the years go by. She speaks of regret but it never truly bitter, as she manages to keep a tongue-in-cheek feel to her writing. But she makes points, points that must be heard and pondered, points that ever so slightly shook my world and made me wonder what it is that I want out of life. Granted, some of the poems are somewhat too moany, self-depricating and victimised for me, but those are only a few out of this rather large collection of absolutely stunning work.

[Sana · Rating 3 out of 5]

I haven't read poetry for pleasure in a long time, so I was very excited to get stuck into this.

Whilst lyrically written, the topic about being unhappy in marriage and the life that came from that, was repetitive and didn't sit with me.

[AJNels · Rating 3 out of 5]

My mom owned this book and I first read it when I was 13 or so, probably because I thought the illustrations were interesting. I didn't understand most of the cultural references then, and reading this again found I still had to look up a few things on Wikipedia. It's a cynical, occasionally biting, but witty and crookedly charming look at a typical upper-middle class marriage in the late 1960s. It's quick and worth reading if you happen upon it.

[Raquel Curvacheiro · Rating 4 out of 5]

True Love

"It's true love because
I put on eyeliner and a concerto and make pungent observations about the great issues of the day
Even when there's no one here but him.
And because
I do not resent watching the Green Bay Packers
Even though I am philosophically opposed to football,
And because
When he is late for dinner and I know he must be either having an affair or lying dead in the middle of the street,
I always hope he's dead."

[margot · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked up this little book today from a second hand book sale for $2. I haven't read a poetry collection I've loved so much in a long time. This was absolutely gut wrenching and played on my life experiences and conception of love. This book is beautiful and devastating, I can't even explain it. perfectly concise too, and beautiful illustrations.

[Ness · Rating 3 out of 5]

brought from Persephone books on my birthday trip to Bath, and read in one whole sitting. with the context and caveat that this is second wave liberal housewife feminism (so don’t necessarily expect the most critical of politically hot takes of the 60s), the poems were short and charming and funny !!

[Tamara York · Rating 4 out of 5]

Second read, but when I found a Persephone Books copy of this I couldn’t resist owning it. I enjoyed reading it again. I can really relate to some of the poems. Some are so delightfully dated in the 1960’s that they are fun. Quick, enjoyable read.

[Helena · Rating 4 out of 5]

eg trur at dette mogleg er ei diktsamling som treff meg endå meir når eg har kome til det punktet i livet som dikta syner, men dei var ironiske og morosame, og kan jamt over anbefalast

[Shweta Ganesh Kumar · Rating 4 out of 5]

Slice of life poetry that is unpretentious and relatable, especially if the title spoke to you.
Loved it.

[Rosemary · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book contains two poetry collections by Judith Viorst: 'It's Hard To Be Hip Over Thirty ... And Other Tragedies Of Married Life' first published 1968, and 'People And Other Aggravations' first published 1971. They are very much of their time and place (New York around 1970) but I think a lot of the themes would ring true with women in their 30s/40s who are married with young children, today. I'm not married with children so they didn't speak to me as much as they might have, but I did find some of them very funny, like the one about the family reunion with:

"1 nephew who got the highest mark on an intelligence test ever recorded in Hillside, New Jersey
4 aunts in pain taking pills
1 cousin in analysis taking notes
5 uncles to whom what happened in the stock market shouldn't happen to their worst enemy
1 uncle whose wife is a saint to put up with him"
etc

[Ginny · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first discovered Judith Viorst in my freshman English reader in college. I'm not usually into poetry but this was worth chasing down! Originally written in 1968, I didn't catch some of the cultural references. But seriously....this is one author that really gets it. My thirties are so much more clarified!!

[Alice · Rating 5 out of 5]

I laughed and cried my way through this insightful series of poems! Viorst's insights into the disillusionment of marriage but not love, age but not self esteem was refreshing and uplifting!
Granted, I was never hip to begin with but Viorst brought a humour to being 34 that I didn't think was possible.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

*poetry
*Full title is _It's Hard to be Hip Over Thirty and Other Tragedies of Married Life_
*Laughed when I saw the "date due" stamp in the library card-- first checkout was Aug. 16, 1969.
*Amazingly relevant for a book written 42 years ago, just change a few names to current events. Odd, when most wives/ mothers are convinced they are the first person who has felt this way.

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Word that Judith!

[Margaret · Rating 2 out of 5]

This Persephone edition includes two slim volumes of Judith Viorst's poetry. They both consist of poems that reflect the unique cultural shifts that were taking place in the mid-20th Century. Specifically, the author writes with some wit and insight about the aspirations of youth coming up hard against the realities of adult life. She also exposes the ostentatious pretense that prevailed in her New York social circle. "Its Hard to be Hip Over Thirty" is by far the better of the two volumes. She is snarky, incisive, and self-deprecating and it is just a lot of fun to read. "People and Other Aggravations" may suffer from the success of "It's Hard to Be Hip" as Viorst just rehashes the old themes, and it is just boring. Also, there is one poem where she seems to admit to a rape fantasy, which knocked 2 stars off the rating in one fell swoop. All in all, the poetry is not groundbreaking, but if you are interested in a flashback to late 60's, early 70's New York, "It's Hard to Be Hip Over Thirty" might be worth an hour of your time. Definitely leave "People and Other Aggravations" to langish in the dust heap.

[Ashley Bostrom · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed these collections of poems. On more than one occasion I found myself laughing out loud. Yes, certain situations are dated, but on a whole, these poems seem just as relevant now as when they were written. "Maybe We'll Make It" does a beautiful job of exposing the unrealistic expectations we have for our spouses and recognizing the changes we need to make instead. "Where Is It Written?" really hit home because it is the opposite of my relationship with my husband, but I've heard of so many relationships, even in 2017, that feel like this. And finally, as an expat, I loved "Back Home," and the things Americans don't understand about other cultures and that other cultures don't understand about us...but in the end, there's plenty I don't identify with within my own culture. A beautiful collection.

[Luiza Mitteldorf · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a hard one to evaluate. The first title was written in 1968 and it is surprisingly relevant in some aspects, but I must admit it pains me to read some of it. The author’s vision of marriage is very stereotypical of that period and terribly sad, which makes the read a bit hard to swallow in a lot of ways. I often caught myself reminding me this is the portrayal of a reality and identifying with the character’ ideologies shouldn’t be the main factors for evaluating a book.

However, I’ll go with four stars because I was engaged throughout the entire book (“It’s Hard to be Hip Over Thirty” is better than “People & Other Aggravations”). I did really like some poems and I the writing style.

[Arcadia Chanut · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don’t often read poetry, so when I picked this off the shelf this book surprised me with how relatable and readable the prose was… like a diary entry that might encapsulate any number of middle class married women’s experiences. At the same time, I struggle to sympathize with the author and her positioning of problems. It is only through a reluctant acceptance that she is not willing to actually take risks that jeopardize her comfort and privilege in any way, that the author concludes that life as she experiences it isn’t so bad… this collection is concentrated white feminism, with no trace of intersectional perspectives or critical thought.

[Martin Pilkington · Rating 5 out of 5]

These books of poetry were first published in 1968, “It’s Hard to be Hip…” and 1971, “People and Other Aggravations”. Judith Viorst’s poetry is observational, it’s written about people and events around her.

These two are written for adults but she has written a lot for children too. The poems are very easy to read and will raise a smile or some wistful introspection, well they did with me. Some of the references, to people or things, past over my head but that didn’t detract from my enjoyment.

We bought this from the Persephone Bookshop in Bath, and I hadn’t heard of Judith Viorst before. It does look like i have some catching up to do.

[Alastair Hill · Rating 2 out of 5]

Each poem in this collection is on one of three themes: her regret of getting married, her regret of having children or her regret of her own personality.

It becomes clear quickly that she needs a therapist and a marriage counselor, she dreams of a passionate affair while being terrified her husband is being seduced by a younger woman. She complains that children have ruined her life and at one point that she can't find any couples to go swinging with.

I can appreciate the significance of her writing at the time and her honesty, but from a modern viewpoint it feels like she would benefit from a divorce and I hope her children weren't made to feel like they had ruined her life.

[Lindsay · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bought on a whim for the title (and that of the other volume included, People & Other Aggravations) this was amusing and well observed - although somewhat dated, nevertheless these poems are a snapshot of married life for the middle classes in the New York of the 60s and 70s. Probably best read with an ice cold martini in hand! And some of them are quite timeless:

I'd planned to be Heathcliff's Cathy, Lady Brett,
Nicole or Dominique or Scarlett O'Hara.
I hadn't planned to be folding up the laundry
In uncombed hair and last night's smudged mascara,

[Lauren · Rating 4 out of 5]

My mom had this and a copy sat on the table in the den for years so I read it often during the 70s, not really getting the point but loving all the details. Oh, I get it now - some of the poems still feel super relevant even though the details may be dated. Viorst wrote one of the greatest kids books of all time, in my opinion, about how some days are just crap but you need to get up again the next day and do it all over again. I enjoyed myself reading these again - the poems have a wonderful rhythm and am grateful to Persephone for reissuing them so prettily.

[Meg · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a fun book of poetry by Judith Viorst, of "Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day" fame. Her poems read with the same cadence and humor as her beloved children's book, but with adult themes. She discussed her life as a wife and mother in the 60's, which was fun to read because of the context of when these poems were written (spouse swapping was a fad, for example). This is a quick read and I would recommend it! (Thanks for the gift, Megan!)

[Fiona · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a school teacher, I have often enjoyed reading Judith’s picture books to the class, appreciating her dry wit and no-nonsense take on life - so much fun, but with serious undertones. Unsurprisingly, I could see all this, and more, in this adult poetry collection. I was smiling and laughing the whole way through, but there was so much to stop and consider. Laughter - at your own expense! - is indeed the best medicine.

[Moon Captain · Rating 3 out of 5]

Though this is poetry by one woman in 1968 I still read it as a sort of historical document exposing the mind of the American woman of that era. I often wonder if we've really come very far in our attitudes in this sexist country but I do think things are a little better now than they seem to be in this book.

Edit: holy shit, this is the author of Alexander And The Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day? I think it's her fault I've dreamed of running away to Australia my entire life!

[Jessica · Rating 2 out of 5]

Whew. This book is very outdated and in most respects, did not hold up so well. There are a few hardships that I still find a bit relatable but the “progressiveness” of this book feels extremely conservative with the times of today. However, I purchased it for 25 cents and did finish it in a day, so it wasn’t all bad.

[VG · Rating 4 out of 5]

Naturally, some of the references are dated, and in some regards, Viorst, writing in the late 60s, was a product of her time, but I still very much enjoyed these observant, sarcastic and humorous poems.

[Jeri · Rating 5 out of 5]

fell in love with Viorst's language right in the Presephone store. her observation is so sharp and humorous. there are so many pieces that I want to take and gift to specific friends in my life. would love to read more work from her.