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Hlomu series #5
Mess
One of the few guys with no tattoos has been staring at my sneakers for too long and I know he’s trying to figure me out. I have four tattoos, and they are all on my arms. Maybe that will work in my at least they show I can stand pain.
I will stand here, in this corner, for the whole night if I have to. I have slept under bridges, I have killed men with their eyes looking into mine. I am Nomafu’s son. A cold hand over my mouth and a tight grip pulling my arms back are nothing compared to the knife going repeatedly into my thighs.
They aren’t trying to kill me, that I know for sure, because otherwise he would have gouged that knife into my heart by now. The stabs in my thighs are continuous but not deep. I can feel them. It’s my blood they want to see, not my dead body lying on the floor.
I’m still trying to kick and free myself, though. Screaming for help is not an option. Men don’t scream for help. They fight to the death with their teeth clenched and voice held in their throat. I fight until I can’t move my legs anymore and I know that this is it, I’m dying tonight.
I’ve always wanted to take my own life, die on my own terms, in my own time. But it’s clear now that I’ll never get what I want in this life. I never have been able to.
I feel my mind separating from my body and I know it’s over.
I stop. For the first time in my life, I stop fighting before I win.
I’m dead. It’s happening for real this time and I don’t have my brothers to stop me.
I will stand here, in this corner, for the whole night if I have to. I have slept under bridges, I have killed men with their eyes looking into mine. I am Nomafu’s son. A cold hand over my mouth and a tight grip pulling my arms back are nothing compared to the knife going repeatedly into my thighs.
They aren’t trying to kill me, that I know for sure, because otherwise he would have gouged that knife into my heart by now. The stabs in my thighs are continuous but not deep. I can feel them. It’s my blood they want to see, not my dead body lying on the floor.
I’m still trying to kick and free myself, though. Screaming for help is not an option. Men don’t scream for help. They fight to the death with their teeth clenched and voice held in their throat. I fight until I can’t move my legs anymore and I know that this is it, I’m dying tonight.
I’ve always wanted to take my own life, die on my own terms, in my own time. But it’s clear now that I’ll never get what I want in this life. I never have been able to.
I feel my mind separating from my body and I know it’s over.
I stop. For the first time in my life, I stop fighting before I win.
I’m dead. It’s happening for real this time and I don’t have my brothers to stop me.
- GenresRomance
Unknown Binding
Published November 1, 2020
134 people are currently reading
2044 people want to read
About the author
Dudu Busani-Dube
13 books1,954 followersDudu Busani-Dube is the author of the popular Hlomu series of self-published novels, being Hlomu the Wife, Zandile the Resolute, and Naledi his Love, which has sold tens of thousands of copies.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 60 reviews
December 3, 2020
Mess really messed me up. I am not ok after reading the fifth instalment of the series.
Out of the 5 books, this is by far her best work in the series. It is emotional, gut wrenching, raw and poetic in a way.
The 5th book revolves around Mqoqi Zulu, whom in the previous four books was probably more an errand runner for his older brothers, rather than a Zulu brother. We start to see him more towards the end of Iqunga. His story evoked feelings of motherhood in me, rather than attraction/lust (which was the case with Nkosana, Qhawe and Mqhele). I wanted to hug him, protect him, heal him, console him and tell him everything is going to be ok.
If you have 3 kids, Mqoqiwokuhle Zulu would be the middle child. The one who lives in the shadows of the older and the younger ones. The one who is misunderstood, the loner, the one whose soul needs freedom. He was expected to be a Zulu brother and his vulnerabilities and fears were swept under the carpet. If they were not swept under the carpet, like everything else in the Zulu family, they were “handled.” His character speaks to so many men, especially in South Africa. He is stuck between whom he is expected to be (or actually is, because life happened) and whom he wants to be (but can’t be, again because life happened). He is the only Zulu brother who meets the woman he builds a life with, and expects her to be nothing, but exactly who she is (compared to Nkosana, Nqoba, Mqhele and Qhawe), even though he was messed up himself. He spoke to her about his feelings, his flaws, his fears. Whether she heard him, is another story entirely. It did not take much for Mqoqi to gain trust and open up (especially to women). This is why the likes of Amanda and Lerato were able to access the family through him.
Even though the book ended the way it did, I feel the person Mqoqi wanted to be won in the end. He wanted to not be a Zulu Brother, but to be Mqoqi Zulu. Just Mqoqi Zulu. Not one of the feared Zulu Brothers. Not a member of the wolf pack. In my perspective, the two were not going to be able to co-exist. As the reader, I need to make peace with this, and move on. I honestly feel like his brothers failed Mqoqi. I’m almost even disappointed in them, because they show up for their wives and everyone else, but could not show up for Mqoqi. After what happened to Lale, the book would have ended differently if he had continued to be a Zulu Brother, so he decided not to be a Zulu Brother.
The book also touches on a topic that is taboo, especially in the black community in South Africa: Depression and Mental Health. It is so amazing how the strongest (externally) are the most wounded (internally). When people attempt suicide, we should not take it lightly. We may not understand what they are feeling but we need to be there for them. We need to get out of ourselves and check in on them, and make sure they are alive and not just trying to survive.
Out of the 5 books, this is by far her best work in the series. It is emotional, gut wrenching, raw and poetic in a way.
The 5th book revolves around Mqoqi Zulu, whom in the previous four books was probably more an errand runner for his older brothers, rather than a Zulu brother. We start to see him more towards the end of Iqunga. His story evoked feelings of motherhood in me, rather than attraction/lust (which was the case with Nkosana, Qhawe and Mqhele). I wanted to hug him, protect him, heal him, console him and tell him everything is going to be ok.
If you have 3 kids, Mqoqiwokuhle Zulu would be the middle child. The one who lives in the shadows of the older and the younger ones. The one who is misunderstood, the loner, the one whose soul needs freedom. He was expected to be a Zulu brother and his vulnerabilities and fears were swept under the carpet. If they were not swept under the carpet, like everything else in the Zulu family, they were “handled.” His character speaks to so many men, especially in South Africa. He is stuck between whom he is expected to be (or actually is, because life happened) and whom he wants to be (but can’t be, again because life happened). He is the only Zulu brother who meets the woman he builds a life with, and expects her to be nothing, but exactly who she is (compared to Nkosana, Nqoba, Mqhele and Qhawe), even though he was messed up himself. He spoke to her about his feelings, his flaws, his fears. Whether she heard him, is another story entirely. It did not take much for Mqoqi to gain trust and open up (especially to women). This is why the likes of Amanda and Lerato were able to access the family through him.
Even though the book ended the way it did, I feel the person Mqoqi wanted to be won in the end. He wanted to not be a Zulu Brother, but to be Mqoqi Zulu. Just Mqoqi Zulu. Not one of the feared Zulu Brothers. Not a member of the wolf pack. In my perspective, the two were not going to be able to co-exist. As the reader, I need to make peace with this, and move on. I honestly feel like his brothers failed Mqoqi. I’m almost even disappointed in them, because they show up for their wives and everyone else, but could not show up for Mqoqi. After what happened to Lale, the book would have ended differently if he had continued to be a Zulu Brother, so he decided not to be a Zulu Brother.
The book also touches on a topic that is taboo, especially in the black community in South Africa: Depression and Mental Health. It is so amazing how the strongest (externally) are the most wounded (internally). When people attempt suicide, we should not take it lightly. We may not understand what they are feeling but we need to be there for them. We need to get out of ourselves and check in on them, and make sure they are alive and not just trying to survive.
November 28, 2020
"We are truly who we are to the people who love us, and if they commit to us without really getting to know us, they suffer the consequences."
This was my best book so far of the 5 books...it was too raw, the complexities of the mental health challenges displayed in this book are too much yet so relatable how messed up they all were. It really got to me and my emotions.....loved how Dudu made us to experience Mqoqi as himself and not just part of the Zulu squad but the ending though😭😭😭 im still torn shame
This was my best book so far of the 5 books...it was too raw, the complexities of the mental health challenges displayed in this book are too much yet so relatable how messed up they all were. It really got to me and my emotions.....loved how Dudu made us to experience Mqoqi as himself and not just part of the Zulu squad but the ending though😭😭😭 im still torn shame
January 16, 2021
Read this book at the end of 2020 December but never got a chance to update. This on the series is definitely up there for me... A favourite, taking a spot that's always been for Zandile the Resolute. Completely loved this book. Dudu did magic here. She's grown so much as a writer and showed just how versatile of a writer she is. She reminded me of how much I love her work.
The introduction of the new character?! Loved it! Lale was just the kind of crazy I needed. The kind of crazy Mqoqi needed.
The book was heart tugging. Can never forgive Dudu for the Ending 💔💔
The introduction of the new character?! Loved it! Lale was just the kind of crazy I needed. The kind of crazy Mqoqi needed.
The book was heart tugging. Can never forgive Dudu for the Ending 💔💔
January 9, 2021
This might just be in the running for my fave of the 5 after Naledi.
December 7, 2020
An absolute page turner!
The fashion in which the writer explores mental health is organic, consistent and sobering.
Also found themes surrounding mental health to be shared through the lens of the modern day South African “society”; providing a sense of comfort and relatability.
The ending felt rushed and not thought through.
Overall? A great read 👌🏾
The fashion in which the writer explores mental health is organic, consistent and sobering.
Also found themes surrounding mental health to be shared through the lens of the modern day South African “society”; providing a sense of comfort and relatability.
The ending felt rushed and not thought through.
Overall? A great read 👌🏾
November 26, 2020
Dudu really tore my heart with this one 💔
January 24, 2021
I’m not over the ending💔💔. Bravo to Dudu👏👏.
December 26, 2020
: There is something heartbreaking and hectic about going through this journey. Some things don’t hit the same until you get to know someone and their story. We all pretty much thought after Iqunga things will fall into place, people would be ‘healed’ and maybe the men will straighten. Can things go from bad to worse ?
In this 5th book, we follow Lahliwe and Mqoqi. Their relationship is not the conventional, fairy tale love. They try to make it work, even with so much going on individually. We get to see how people who deal with mental illness(who are sort of unaware of it) navigate a relationship.
I honestly didn’t like this book the first 100 pages cause I felt it lacked the sauce of the other books. It was more ‘cutting loose ends’ and I certainly did feel like it could have been a short story. With sort of new characters and them being the main focus, we needed their stories. Where they come from, how they grew up, how they feel and with that, how it affects them when they are together. My dislike for the Zulu brothers increased and my fatigue of this whole family was heavy heavy. I’m happy this series is ending soon because there’s only so much these men can be put me through.
In this 5th book, we follow Lahliwe and Mqoqi. Their relationship is not the conventional, fairy tale love. They try to make it work, even with so much going on individually. We get to see how people who deal with mental illness(who are sort of unaware of it) navigate a relationship.
I honestly didn’t like this book the first 100 pages cause I felt it lacked the sauce of the other books. It was more ‘cutting loose ends’ and I certainly did feel like it could have been a short story. With sort of new characters and them being the main focus, we needed their stories. Where they come from, how they grew up, how they feel and with that, how it affects them when they are together. My dislike for the Zulu brothers increased and my fatigue of this whole family was heavy heavy. I’m happy this series is ending soon because there’s only so much these men can be put me through.
February 5, 2021
Mess...what a mess ... Thays all I kept thinking as Lale and Mqoqi's story unfolded. But the more I read, the more I started to relate. I really like how Dudu touched and displayed the taboo complexities of Depression and Mental Health in the country we live in, how people of colour dismiss the thought that they may have depression.
I felt so sad for Mqoqi, I just wanted to hug him everytime he expressed how he was feeling. I hate how his brothers made him feel like he couldn't express his feelings, because of the toxic narrative of "Be a Man". I still can't get over how this all ended but his story needed to be told
I felt so sad for Mqoqi, I just wanted to hug him everytime he expressed how he was feeling. I hate how his brothers made him feel like he couldn't express his feelings, because of the toxic narrative of "Be a Man". I still can't get over how this all ended but his story needed to be told
February 17, 2022
I'M so hurting right now by Mqoqi and the way life has become for him when he's ready to be come his own person, move on from his past and this shit happens, wow! Lale will will never heal. I'm hurting because of Mqhele and Hlomu for not fighting for what's theirs. I really need to find closure, atleast a happy ending not this mess.
March 14, 2022
Very profound with good teachings tnk u Dudu Busani Dube
April 20, 2022
Dudu is an amazing writer.
May 30, 2021
And here I thought Naledi was the best in the series but Dudu was working on yet another masterpiece, that is Mess.
Such an emotional read, you get to go through so many emotions, the love for Mqoqi, the hate for what his brothers put him through, the sadness of how his story turned out...the mess that is Lals and their ‘set-up’.
I usually re-read the novels in the series but I think it’s going to take me a while to read Mess again. After you’ve read it, you will need time, to take in all these emotions and recover...and then pick it up again.
A well deserved 5-star rating 👏🏾👏🏾
Such an emotional read, you get to go through so many emotions, the love for Mqoqi, the hate for what his brothers put him through, the sadness of how his story turned out...the mess that is Lals and their ‘set-up’.
I usually re-read the novels in the series but I think it’s going to take me a while to read Mess again. After you’ve read it, you will need time, to take in all these emotions and recover...and then pick it up again.
A well deserved 5-star rating 👏🏾👏🏾
April 30, 2021
This book broke my heart.... I'm honestly not ok🥺
September 24, 2022
So sad...
This book was so raw. Got to see Mqoqi as he is. Not as one of the brothers but as Mqoqi. I am so sad though.... 😞 the way things ended....I really thought he finally got his happily ever after (albeit weird). This book left me sad. What happened to Lale was too much... my heart is heavy 💔
This book was so raw. Got to see Mqoqi as he is. Not as one of the brothers but as Mqoqi. I am so sad though.... 😞 the way things ended....I really thought he finally got his happily ever after (albeit weird). This book left me sad. What happened to Lale was too much... my heart is heavy 💔
October 17, 2023
all I can say is Yoh!
December 12, 2022
Tjooo currently getting bored, too much focus on Lahliwe.
So finally finished the book at it truly is a mess. I still do think that there was no need for this book it is just to pass time.
As always it's a capturing read but felt it was unnecessary.
So finally finished the book at it truly is a mess. I still do think that there was no need for this book it is just to pass time.
As always it's a capturing read but felt it was unnecessary.
January 3, 2022
A mess indeed!
January 1, 2025
The book is just as its title reads: a "MESS" but in an oddly good way. It was a good read, but very heart wrenching. My heart was beating rapidly out of my chest on countless occasions for the duration of the book. I especially did not anticipate such a painful and insufferable plot twist (The tooth fairy tragedy). I still held on to hope that things would get better. I know Mqoqi and Lale are broken individuals, but I'd hoped they're story would be spared a little longer. This book is proof that life is not fair, but you've got to try to make it bearable for yourself. This was an amazing book, but I don't think i could find it in my emotional self to read it again. I would definitely recommend it though.
July 14, 2021
Was the book meant to leave us messed because surely. In this instalment we get to see the essence of who the Zulu Brothers are but from Mqoqi's percpective. "It peels away the layers and delicately starts to uncover what is hidden beneath the thin veil of power, sex, violence and money that is the Zulu brothers" while touching heavily on Mental Health issues especially in the black community. The ending felt rushed but we look forward to the next instalment which I assume will tie all the loose ends. These men LIE, we thought Hlomu was the girl with all the secrets but nope, she also is clueless but better than the other wives.
August 15, 2023
Hated this Story of Misery & Stupidity
Absolutely HATED THIS! This was more of a horror story than anything else.
SPOILERS BELOW!
Spoilers heroine gets raped, the hero gets accused of child molestation and makes a bunch of stupid idiotic decisions, so he gets what he deserves if he refused to fight for his self or utulize all of his resources.
So if you don't want to subject yourself to this type of miserable story, then don't read. If you love sad stories of strife and stupidity, read on.
I thought she was such a phenomenal writer, I definitely just changed my mind.
Irritated that I was subjected to this read.
Absolutely HATED THIS! This was more of a horror story than anything else.
SPOILERS BELOW!
Spoilers heroine gets raped, the hero gets accused of child molestation and makes a bunch of stupid idiotic decisions, so he gets what he deserves if he refused to fight for his self or utulize all of his resources.
So if you don't want to subject yourself to this type of miserable story, then don't read. If you love sad stories of strife and stupidity, read on.
I thought she was such a phenomenal writer, I definitely just changed my mind.
Irritated that I was subjected to this read.
November 25, 2021
Wow, this book evoked my emotions knowing very well how its frowned upon to be open and Frank about mental issues, how we are always carrying the burden of depression and anxiety in our Shoulders.
Mqoqi broke my heart will all the money in the world he could not come out of the dark hole that swallowed him, Not even sure that Lale will ever come out of it. Of All the books in these series "Mess" really got me messed up in my feels.
I loved it could not put it down, had so many elements and spoke to many of us. Thank you Dudu!
Mqoqi broke my heart will all the money in the world he could not come out of the dark hole that swallowed him, Not even sure that Lale will ever come out of it. Of All the books in these series "Mess" really got me messed up in my feels.
I loved it could not put it down, had so many elements and spoke to many of us. Thank you Dudu!
January 15, 2021
It’s a pity that you have to get through Iqunga, which was a tough read, to get to this book. Had I not bought the books at the same time I would have given up on the series and missed this gem.
It evoked real emotion and I was truly sad at the way it ended for all the parties involved. Her writing has really evolved. The only negative was that her writing from the male perspective was still a little feminine.
It evoked real emotion and I was truly sad at the way it ended for all the parties involved. Her writing has really evolved. The only negative was that her writing from the male perspective was still a little feminine.
April 11, 2021
I can never say enough about the Hlomu Series, this book like it says on the title is indeed a MESS, a lot unexpected and expecting is happening. It's still drama galore. Dudu's books deserves the "BEST SELLER" sticker on the front because, wow she is my favourite author locally (SA). If you have started reading this series already you definitely going to want to finish it. I really enjoyed it and Can't wait for the last book coming soon (so hopeful) Hlomu The End. Hightly Recommened!!!
May 3, 2022
This book is a true definition of Murphy's law- anything that can go wrong will go wrong. I do not know why I was reading a book titled 'Mess' with a happy ending in mind. I do not feel like I will ever be ready for the next book of the series.
As the tittle of the book ‘Mess’ suggests, the main characters involved in this book seem to be subjected to a lot of mess, commotion and drama. It is disaster after disaster and it only gets worse as the book progresses. Sandile is a character that disappeared as the series progressed and it was good to finally hear what happened to him, although I never questioned myself.
We get an insight into what is happening inside Mqoqiwokuhle (Mqoqi) and Lahliwes'(Lale) heads. Lales' life is nothing short of misfortune. She has experienced problems growing up. Having been abandoned by both her parents leaving her with her emotionally distant grandmother; she has dealt with a lot of broken relationships, from the mother who left in pursuit of dreams to a friend who betrays and sells her to drug dealers. Although she becomes bitter, she also becomes a fighter, dreams of a better life for herself, and is unwilling to settle for less.
Trouble finds her when her husband, Sandile dies from cancer and leaves her at the mercy of her in-laws, who, unfortunately, are not so fond of her. She checks in on a mental institution and that’s when she meets one of the Zulu brothers, Mqoqi and her life merges with the Zulu brothers from then onwards. She is forced to deal with her demons and her late husband's secrets as they come to the surface.
In my opinion, Lale shows a lot of toxicity in her behavior and her thought processes. I think this might be emerging from the anger she harboured growing up. Examples would be when smashed windows at Sandile’s home because he would not come out to talk to her. Or the incident which is remembered by her 5-year-old daughter, where she chased Sandile with a knife. She seems to live in her mother’s shadow. She believes that people will judge her like that, that she is her mother’s daughter. She is rebellious, will follow in her footsteps and they should not expect better from her. She finds herself drawn to Mqoqi, and him drawn to her because they are both damaged and broken.
When two broken people meet, do they assist each other in picking up and connecting the broken pieces? Or do they break each other even further? This book stripped me of all hope.
Overall, it was a depressing read.
As the tittle of the book ‘Mess’ suggests, the main characters involved in this book seem to be subjected to a lot of mess, commotion and drama. It is disaster after disaster and it only gets worse as the book progresses. Sandile is a character that disappeared as the series progressed and it was good to finally hear what happened to him, although I never questioned myself.
We get an insight into what is happening inside Mqoqiwokuhle (Mqoqi) and Lahliwes'(Lale) heads. Lales' life is nothing short of misfortune. She has experienced problems growing up. Having been abandoned by both her parents leaving her with her emotionally distant grandmother; she has dealt with a lot of broken relationships, from the mother who left in pursuit of dreams to a friend who betrays and sells her to drug dealers. Although she becomes bitter, she also becomes a fighter, dreams of a better life for herself, and is unwilling to settle for less.
Trouble finds her when her husband, Sandile dies from cancer and leaves her at the mercy of her in-laws, who, unfortunately, are not so fond of her. She checks in on a mental institution and that’s when she meets one of the Zulu brothers, Mqoqi and her life merges with the Zulu brothers from then onwards. She is forced to deal with her demons and her late husband's secrets as they come to the surface.
In my opinion, Lale shows a lot of toxicity in her behavior and her thought processes. I think this might be emerging from the anger she harboured growing up. Examples would be when smashed windows at Sandile’s home because he would not come out to talk to her. Or the incident which is remembered by her 5-year-old daughter, where she chased Sandile with a knife. She seems to live in her mother’s shadow. She believes that people will judge her like that, that she is her mother’s daughter. She is rebellious, will follow in her footsteps and they should not expect better from her. She finds herself drawn to Mqoqi, and him drawn to her because they are both damaged and broken.
When two broken people meet, do they assist each other in picking up and connecting the broken pieces? Or do they break each other even further? This book stripped me of all hope.
Overall, it was a depressing read.
December 9, 2020
Best in the Hlomu series
Evoked a lot of emotions. What a mess!!
Thanks Dudu for highlighting mental illness and depression - something black people take lightly.
thoroughly enjoyed the bookMess
Evoked a lot of emotions. What a mess!!
Thanks Dudu for highlighting mental illness and depression - something black people take lightly.
thoroughly enjoyed the bookMess
July 18, 2022
Wow, what a mess indeed. The fact that our men were once young boys who had to experience some difficult things they are unable to disclose made me reflect deeply. There are many Mqoqis who have accomplished great things, yet they still need just one person to reassure them that they are enough. I appreciate Dudu for being that voice for men's mental health.
November 29, 2022
It was really as written before the book starts, a Mqoqi shit-show. I did not know Mqoqi had this whole life outside his family - I was impressed by his personality. I loved meeting Gabby and learning of her. It was an interesting book to read in the series, a great story with a very sad ending considering both - the rape and the suicide.
Dudu, once again came through!
Dudu, once again came through!
December 27, 2020
This book...! I didn't connect with Iqunga because I felt like a lot was going on in one novel, but Mess was very good. Oh Mqoqi bethuna... You definitely need to read this. I just finished it and I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight because my mind is reeling. What a Mess!
February 10, 2021
I’m so heartbroken about the turn of events in this book
Mental health is really important and it’s not a white people thing and it’s definitely not a woman thing, black men can also have mental health issues.
All I can say is it’s really a mess 🤦🏾♀️
Mental health is really important and it’s not a white people thing and it’s definitely not a woman thing, black men can also have mental health issues.
All I can say is it’s really a mess 🤦🏾♀️
Displaying 1 - 30 of 60 reviews