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Funny as Hell
Mad Comedy presents the ultimate collection of riotously funny new jokes. From America's top standup comics, these jokes are fresh from beer-soaked microphones of the hottest comedy clubs and are guaranteed to make you laugh out loud.
The Discriminating Palate
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, Give me your finest 19-year scotch.
The bartender figures the man won't know the difference, so he decides to trick the man with 5-year scotch.
The man takes a sip, scowls and says, Bartender, this crap is 5-year scotch. I told you I want 19-year scotch.
The bartender tries once more with a 10-year scotch.
The man takes a sip, grimaces and says, Bartender, I don't want 10-year scotch like this filth. Give me 19-year scotch!
Impressed, the bartender gets the 19-year scotch from the top shelf. The man takes a sip and sighs, Ah, now that's the good stuff.
A disgusting, grimy, stinking old drunk has been watching all this with great interest. He stumbles over and sets a glass down in front of the man and slurs, Hey, I think that's really amazing what you can do. Try this one.
The man takes a sip and immediately spits it out on the bar and cries, Yechhh! This stuff tastes like piss!
The drunk's eyes light up and he says, Yeah, it is piss -- now tell me how old I am!
Sensitivity
The clitoris has over 8,000 nerve endings.
But it's still not as sensitive as a vegan on social media.
The Surprise Visitor
A man rings a doorbell and an eleven-year-old boy answers the door wearing a silk robe, smoking a blunt with a cloud of marijuana smoke swirling around his head, and with a glass of bourbon in one hand.
Taken aback, the man asks, Is your mom home?
What do you think? asks the boy.
The Discriminating Palate
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, Give me your finest 19-year scotch.
The bartender figures the man won't know the difference, so he decides to trick the man with 5-year scotch.
The man takes a sip, scowls and says, Bartender, this crap is 5-year scotch. I told you I want 19-year scotch.
The bartender tries once more with a 10-year scotch.
The man takes a sip, grimaces and says, Bartender, I don't want 10-year scotch like this filth. Give me 19-year scotch!
Impressed, the bartender gets the 19-year scotch from the top shelf. The man takes a sip and sighs, Ah, now that's the good stuff.
A disgusting, grimy, stinking old drunk has been watching all this with great interest. He stumbles over and sets a glass down in front of the man and slurs, Hey, I think that's really amazing what you can do. Try this one.
The man takes a sip and immediately spits it out on the bar and cries, Yechhh! This stuff tastes like piss!
The drunk's eyes light up and he says, Yeah, it is piss -- now tell me how old I am!
Sensitivity
The clitoris has over 8,000 nerve endings.
But it's still not as sensitive as a vegan on social media.
The Surprise Visitor
A man rings a doorbell and an eleven-year-old boy answers the door wearing a silk robe, smoking a blunt with a cloud of marijuana smoke swirling around his head, and with a glass of bourbon in one hand.
Taken aback, the man asks, Is your mom home?
What do you think? asks the boy.
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Published November 13, 2020
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