Status Games: Why We Play and How to Stop

by Loretta Graziano Breuning

Rewire your brain to avoid the trap of comparison and status-seeking to achieve more contentment and satisfaction from life People care about status despite their best intentions because our brains are inherited from animals who cared about status. The survival value of status in the state of nature helps us understand our intense emotions about status today. Beneath your verbal brain, you have the brain common to all mammals. It rewards you with pleasure hormones when you see yourself in a position of strength, and it alarms you with stress hormones when you see yourself in a position of weakness. But constant striving for status can be anxiety-provoking and joy-stealing. Nothing feels like enough to our mammal brain. It releases those stress chemicals when you think others are ahead of you. Here, Loretta Breuning shines a light on the brain processes that encourage us to seek higher status. She teaches us how to rewire those connections for more contentment and less stress. No more worrying about keeping up with the Joneses. Your new way of thinking will blaze new trails to your happy hormones and you will RELAX.

Genres: Psychology, Sociology, Anthropology, Nonfiction, Science, Self Help, Personal Development

190 pages, Paperback

Published September 8, 2021

About the author

Loretta is the author of Habits of a Happy Brain: Retrain Your Brain to Boost Your Serotonin, Dopamine, Oxytocin and Endorphin Levels. She's Founder of the Inner Mammal Institute and Professor Emerita of Management at California State University, East Bay. Dr. Breuning's many books, videos and podcasts explain the brain chemistry we've inherited from earlier mammals. She shows that our "happy chemicals" are not designed to be on all the time. They evolved to do specific jobs, so we always have to do more to get more. Dr. Breuning's work explains the natural way to enhance our power over these chemicals. Her nine books have been translated into sixteen languages. Before teaching, Loretta worked for the United Nations in Africa. Today, she gives zoo tours on animals behavior, after serving as a Docent at the Oakland Zoo. She is a graduate of Cornell University and Tufts. The Inner Mammal Institute offers videos, podcasts, books, blogs, multimedia, a training program, and a free five-day happy-chemical jumpstart. Details are available at InnerMammalInstitute.org.

Reviews

[Ana Lelis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've been learning so much about how our mammalian brain works, her books are really good!

[Loretta Breuning]

Your serotonin is released when you see yourself as stronger than the monkey next to you. But it's soon metabolized, so you need to see yourself as the stronger monkey again to get more. This mammalian one-up impulse explains all the frustrations of life! My new book gives you the biology, the history, and a new way to manage it.

People care about status despite their best intentions because our brains are inherited from animals who cared about status. This simple explanation of your mammalian operating system empowers you to redirect it and just relax.

– It explains what triggers serotonin and cortisol in the state of nature.
– It traces the mammalian urge for social comparison throughout history.
– It helps you stimulate more serotonin and relieve cortisol the natural way.
Today’s romantic view of animals obscures a century of research on mammalian status conflict and the brain chemistry that prompts it. Here is a simple explanation of your mammalian operating system, so you can redirect it and just relax.

Beneath your verbal brain, you have the brain common to all mammals. It rewards you with serotonin when you see yourself in a position of strength, and it alarms you with cortisol when you see yourself in a position of weakness. Serotonin is not aggression– it’s calm confidence in your ability to meet your survival needs in a world of rivals.

To see how this works, imagine you’re a monkey waking up hungry in the morning. You don’t have a refrigerator or a supermarket, so you look around for something to eat. You see a delicious ripe fruit, but it’s near a bigger individual. Your brain releases cortisol because you were bitten when you reached for a resource near a bigger monkey in the past. So you scan for another fruit, and when you see a chance to be in the one-up position, your brain releases serotonin. Now you feel confident and take action.

This is not what you tell yourself in words because the mammalian limbic system cannot process language.

This is not what you’ve heard about serotonin. Your information has been filtered through the disease model, which suggests that an effortless flow of serotonin is the norm. A close look at nature proves otherwise. The brain built by natural selection makes social comparisons constantly. The chemicals that make us feel good evolved to motivate action, not to flow all the time for no reason. They turn on in short spurts and then turn off, so you always have to do more to get more. This makes life frustrating for everyone.

It may seem like you will be effortlessly happy if you become a bigger monkey, but the serotonin never lasts. When you know how you produce this frustration, you have power over it! You can build new thought loops to enjoy more strong, confident feelings and relieve weak, threatened feelings. You can make peace with your inner mammal and your fellow humans when you know how your brain works. This book shows you how.

[Christen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Many thanks to Dr. Bruening for being able to read the draft of this book!!

Absolutely fascinating book about status. Dr. Breuning's work is helpful to me as it makes the world make sense. It doesn't mean I like that things are the way they are, or should stay that way, but they aren't arbitrary or created by some evil mastermind or group of elites. I don't think that status is good/bad/right/wrong or that we should or shouldn't act in X way. But the fact is that we do. And to understand my brain's wiring helps me make better choices, and to not beat myself up when I inevitably run on mammalian defaults.

I feel that I often compare myself, and others, to an innocent ideal of what humans should be like. We should be sweet, giving, cooperative, selfless, brave, etc...you know, like animals. I've heard many times, "Oh, animals don't do X like evil humans" or something along those lines. Well, this book will dispel that line of thinking. For instance: Bonobo sex is not free love, it is often lower ranking bonobos giving sexual favors to higher ranked bonobos. Bonobos avoid violence when a lower ranked bonobo rubs the higher ranked bonobo to avoid aggression. The orgies of chimps are also not free love. The female will have contact with many to protect her offspring - the males don't kill infants of females they had sexual contact with. Gifting in general is not just simple generosity - it is sometimes lower ranks giving resources to upper ranks to avoid future attacks. Wild mandrils compete with color to signal status, rather than figure it out through violence (which makes me appreciate human fashion!). Lower ranked males are more drab. "Cooperative" child rearing in meerkats is less "cooperative" and more "leading-female-kills-offspring-of-other-femals-so-they-must-support-her-offspring." Yes, elephants have female leaders but only the *oldest* female leads so it's not all girl-power. Etc. I no longer want to be any animal other than human. I'm proud of how we have managed to be more cooperative with less violence and sexual favors.

(I'm reading and have read other books on violence and cooperation. It seems the angel/devil dichotomy of humans is clear. To our in-group/tribe we are heartwarmingly giving, helpful, empathetic, cooperative, and kind. To our out-group/other we are malicious, dehumanizing, violent, cold, and murderous. I suppose the answer to go to the "good" version of ourselves is to somehow get us all on the same team. But that is for another book to discuss. This book shows that simply being animals, and not human, is not the answer to peace on earth. Nor is the answer to remove material markings, money, or political structures. Unconsciously our brains will work from their status lens defaults and the corruption, fighting, power plays, and alliances will spring up even if there is no money or a utopian system. We think that removing the markers of status will remove the fighting, but we have it backwards. Why do we use money/power/fashion/possessions/titles/gender/family ties/race/nationality/location/education/language/knowledge to bicker over status? If only those things didn't exist! Well, those things only have the power we imbue them with due to our brains' status circuits. *Removing the signals will not remove the underlying brain chemistry*. It will only cause us to creatively find another way to signal status, or devolve into violence and sexual favors like animals. It seems to me that equality will not stamp out status seeking. Our brains see allies but not equals. And in fact, some of the very worst status fighting is when two members of a tribe are too close in status! The book "Collision of Wills: How Ambiguity about Social Rank Breeds Conflict" is on my reading list for this reason.

Identifying status seeking and finding solutions to that root cause is the answer. This book helps start those efforts.)

Much like deep breathing and funny cat videos will hack cortisol spirals of fear and/or anxiety, Dr. Bruening ends her book with a simple (but not easy!) method to hack our status seeking impulses.

The bulk of the book dealing with animal and human status games is fascinating and worth the 5 stars for the way it opened my eyes to my mammalian status-seeking brain. The part near the end that analyzes some common human status seeking scenarios I skimmed over. And the simple method to calm my status seeking seem too easy to be helpful but I am working on it and I can understand how it can help. I personally think "spiritual" practices like daily gratitude also help calm my status seeking. If I feel insecure in my status I can identify the instinct and consciously remind myself that this is not life and death - my children are safe, I have food/shelter/mating opportunities. My mammal brain has everything it needs.

It's interesting to wonder how our species will deal with the status circuits when it is no longer life and death for resource allocation as it has been - we are so materially rich that status seeking runs amok and we haven't figured out what to do with it yet. I think there are probably answers in traditional wisdom but I haven't pieced that together yet. As mentioned above, I do think gratitude is one such practice to calm our status seeking impulse.

Once you see the world through the lens of status, it all makes sense!

[Mani Farsi · Rating 3 out of 5]

موضوعی جالب، با قلمی خوب ولی پر حرفی‌های زیاد.

نویسنده ما رو به سمت مغز و ساختارش و تکاملش. از دیدگاه علمی اتفاقات و تجربه‌های دور و برمون رو قشنگ متوجه میشیم و می‌تونیم جلوش رو بگیریم حتی! در حین این توضیح دادن از مثال‌های مختلفی و حیوانات مختلفی استفاده شده که به درک بهترشون کمک می‌کنه…
در فصل‌های آخر هم راهکارهایی ارائه می‌ده که به کارگیری‌شون قطعا کمک‌کننده‌اس، مخصوصا فصل آخرش. :)

پ.ن: این کتاب رو از نشر نون با ترجمه مصطفی حمیدی از فیدیبو خوندم.

———
[اگر دوست دارین بیشتر از کتابایی که می‌خونم ببینید تلگرام می‌تونید به نشونی @ReadByMani دنبالم کنید.]

[Rick Wilson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Pseudo self help that relies way too heavily on evolutionary psychology. This stuff always bugs me because why should we look to a lions behavior in regards to this narrow band of the human experience, but not say a hippopotamus or a great egret? It’s just a narrative crutch that lends itself a faux sense of credibility.

[Chris Boutté · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been meaning to read this book for a while. I absolutely love books on status, and this book didn’t disappoint. Loretta has researched this topic for years and did a great job diving into the evolutionary psychology of why we seek status. She draws on the similarities between us and primates and goes through the history of why seeking status was advantageous.

The overall point of the book is to showcase how while seeking status can be beneficial, it can also cause a lot of unnecessary stress and turmoil in our lives. In the last few chapters of the book, Loretta goes into this topic a bit more and discusses a variety of ways we can push back against our instincts to seek status and the terrible feelings we get when we’re not gaining status. I also love how she goes over the hedonic treadmill of status-seeking as well.

[Romany · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was written in such a stilted way. The stilted way sounded a lot like this. The sentences were short and to the point. I found the content interesting.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is worth reading to understand the urges that drive us to keep chasing the next high in our mammalian brain, and how that serotonin surge never lasts. The scientific research is very interesting! The book itself is quite repetitive. I think just reading the intro part is sufficient to get the whole book.

[Jung]

In "Status Games: Why We Play and How to Stop", Loretta Graziano Breuning explores a profound yet often overlooked force that shapes much of human behavior: the pursuit of social status. In a world dominated by competition for attention, recognition, and relevance, we rarely question 'why' we care so much about how we rank. Whether it’s chasing promotions, racking up likes, or simply comparing ourselves to those around us, the need to feel seen and valued is nearly universal. Breuning makes the case that this desire isn't superficial or self-centered—it’s rooted in our evolutionary biology. By understanding this primal urge, we can begin to see it for what it is, loosen its grip on our daily lives, and ultimately create a healthier relationship with ourselves and others.

Breuning explains that the drive for status is not a product of modern culture alone, but a deeply embedded biological impulse inherited from our mammalian ancestors. Long before human society developed complex hierarchies and norms, mammals competed for place and recognition within their groups. Once their basic needs were met—food, safety, shelter—they devoted their remaining energy to climbing the social ladder. In doing so, they secured better access to resources and reproductive opportunities. This behavior wasn’t strategic in the conscious sense; rather, it was reinforced by a reward system that made elevated status feel good and social rejection feel bad. Our brains evolved to respond strongly to these dynamics, encoding them through the chemistry of neurotransmitters.

Central to this explanation is the role of serotonin and cortisol—two brain chemicals that drive much of our emotional reaction to status-related events. Serotonin acts as a reward for positive social experiences. When you receive praise, feel respected, or sense that you’ve gained a step ahead of others, your brain delivers a serotonin boost. This pleasurable sensation reinforces the behavior that triggered it, creating a feedback loop that motivates continued status-seeking. On the flip side, cortisol operates as an alarm system. It evolved to protect mammals from danger, but in today’s world, it activates in response to social slights—being excluded, criticized, or ignored. The discomfort caused by cortisol encourages avoidance of these situations in the future, further wiring our brains around the pursuit of approval and fear of rejection.

This status feedback system starts developing early in life and is shaped both by our own experiences and by what we observe in others. Our brains contain mirror neurons that allow us to learn by watching—not just in terms of physical behavior, but also in how we interpret social cues and rewards. If someone close to us receives admiration or attention, our own neural system reacts similarly, reinforcing the same values. Over time, this observation-based learning, combined with our own hits and misses in the social world, builds a complex mental map of how to behave in order to feel important or avoid humiliation.

Breuning emphasizes that the structure of status-seeking may look different across time and culture, but the underlying mechanism remains the same. Ancient civilizations documented these patterns in their myths and literature, and they persist today in everything from office politics to social media dynamics. The platforms and symbols may have evolved, but the ancient drive to rise, compete, and be noticed is just as active as ever. The key difference now is that many of these triggers no longer relate to survival—yet our brains react as if they do.

Understanding this instinct is only the first step. The real value comes in learning how to manage it so it doesn’t control our choices or cloud our well-being. Breuning argues that the answer isn’t to deny or suppress the desire for status—that would be unrealistic and counterproductive—but to recognize it without being ruled by it. Serotonin-driven highs are fleeting, and constantly chasing them can leave us drained and dissatisfied. At the same time, ignoring our natural desire to feel valued can create resentment or emotional numbness. The healthier path lies somewhere in between: acknowledging the impulse, but guiding it in ways that align with personal values and long-term satisfaction.

This approach involves recalibrating our internal status compass. Rather than measuring success solely by external markers like praise or attention, we can choose goals that bring genuine satisfaction and align with our values. Building something useful, improving a skill, helping others meaningfully—these acts can still trigger positive chemical rewards in the brain, such as dopamine and oxytocin, but without the stress and volatility of comparison-based status climbing. These internal achievements also provide a steadier sense of progress that isn’t as vulnerable to external fluctuation.

Breuning also touches on the subtle dynamics that arise when we help others. While generosity and compassion are important, our mammal brains may still be quietly seeking a boost in status when we offer support. There’s a psychological reward in being the one with the answers or the one in control, even when our intentions are good. That doesn’t make helping wrong, but it does mean we should be honest with ourselves about our motivations. Sometimes, we project our own experiences onto others and try to 'fix' them in the ways we think we once needed help. In reality, we can’t rewire someone else’s brain or undo their past. The most lasting impact often comes not through advice but through example.

Thanks to mirror neurons, others are likely to model what they see us do—how we handle setbacks, pursue goals, or respond to stress. When we live with intention, resilience, and emotional honesty, those around us can begin to internalize those behaviors. Breuning encourages readers to focus less on managing or correcting others, and more on embodying the values and calm confidence they hope to share. This influence-by-example has a ripple effect that can shift group dynamics more effectively than persuasion or instruction.

In the end, "Status Games" offers a liberating perspective on one of the most persistent sources of human stress. The craving for recognition, inclusion, and importance isn’t a character flaw—it’s a built-in feature of the mammalian brain. But rather than letting it drive us toward burnout or endless comparison, we can learn to recognize its signals, respond thoughtfully, and reframe our efforts in more sustainable ways. Choosing intrinsic goals over external validation doesn’t mean abandoning ambition—it means taking back control and defining success on your own terms.

By pulling back the curtain on how and why we play status games, Breuning invites readers to become conscious participants in their own lives rather than unconscious competitors. It’s not about winning the game—it’s about realizing you don’t have to play by the old rules. And that shift in awareness is where real freedom begins.

[C · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book has an interesting premise. Status is evolutionarily important to survival and reproduction of mammals. I'll buy that. Their status-related behaviors are programmed through neuro-chemicals, mainly serotonin and cortisol. OK, I'd go with that. The author provides numerous examples in animals and humans. Very informative! But there is no proof! She did not cite studies of measured serotonin surge in connection with winning a status game. And with this meager, unsubstantiated premise she repeats the same reductive reasoning throughout the book. And her solution out of the status game? Follow your own drummer. Don't compare yourself to others. Duh, everyone knows that. We just don't know how to do it. The actual content of this book can be written in 2,000 words. There is no need for this book.

[Rachelle Ayala · Rating 5 out of 5]

Are you caught in the hamster wheel where no matter how fast you run there are others who are running faster? Do you worry that if you stop running you will fall off the wheel and end up a failure?

This book shows you that these your feelings are absolutely normal and they come from your mammalian brain [the limbic system] that serves to keep a mammal alive and prospering in social groups. I believe she says only the tiger and orangutan lives alone, so they're not affected, but all other mammals live in groups, and living within groups means you are constantly comparing yourself to those around you. Being one-up gives you better food and mating opportunities. Being one-down means lack of nutrition and little or no offspring.

However fighting for dominance could result in injury and infections, yet submitting and yielding means lack of food and mating and a position on the outskirts of the herd and increase predation.

Dr. Breuning's book shows how the status games work in a mammalian world and how we humans are part of this comparison trap. She gives delightful historical vignettes showing how historical figures dealt with this conundrum. My favorite one was Jane Austen example. As you know, Jane had an eye on social and financial status in the game of marriage and wrote books accordingly, the most famous is Pride and Prejudice. What's not as well known is that Jane herself never married because she couldn't find a high status guy that she was satisfied to hitch herself to. Her overawareness of the status games meant that any man interested in her wasn't good enough.

Anyway, run out and get this book to understand why you're neither happy when you're winning or when your losing. Dr. Breuning explains how to stay in the middle lane and optimize your happiness with your accomplishments.

[Kristen M. · Rating 3 out of 5]

The cover of this book belies its contents entirely. It looks like a self-help workbook that you make notes in and it is actually more of a scientific anthropology book. The author refers to a ton of primate research, which I loved. She also repeatedly mentions that she is a retired Ph.D, and is now free to draw conclusions and make assertions that she felt she could not do while still employed.

She created the Inner Mammal Institute, and frequently mentions the ways in which humans use dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins. https://innermammalinstitute.org/

She also manages to work in the drive and motivations of Alexander Hamilton, Jane Eyre, and Edward de Vere (in reference to the alternative authorship of Shakespeare's works). Who knew there would be so many literary references? It was decent. I will read other titles of hers.

[Megan · Rating 2 out of 5]

I appreciated the scientific and anthropologic explanations of serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins. I also appreciated some of the real-world examples of how to break mammalian-brain patterns, as she calls them. I appreciate the background the author provides on Sigmund Freud.

Her tone sounds a little jaded when she writes about her views on academia and her own experience with the status games in her field. I don't like that she uses the term 'sex' when describing how animals mate -- sex and mating are not the same thing, and her use of the word detracts from her message that animals behave the way they do based on wiring. While the explanations of status games in the animal world made sense, the generalized application to humans seemed a overly-simplified.

I listened to an audio recording narrated by the author.

[Effie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a fascinating blend of research from the fields of biology, history, anthropology, and psychology. I am convinced by the author's thesis that seemingly complicated patterns of human behavior can be traced back to old neural pathways and reptilian survival instincts. Although her antidote to status anxiety is not a groundbreaking idea (and is quite similar to the likes of 'intrinsic motivation' and Nietzsche's 'will to power'), I still learned a lot about how to recognize, interrupt, and challenge harmful thought patterns that are rooted in childhood pain. There is no doubt this book will come in handy in the future, and I recommend it to anybody who has witnessed or participated in status games-- which is to say, everyone in the world!

[Nag Jayaraman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Came across this book by chance, glancing through a few pages got me hooked in. Perhaps the title is not doing enough of a justice to what one can learn from this book. It’s a slim book, with concise narrative style, packing numerous nuggets of insights on multiple instances of complex human behavior, each backed by rational explanations. For example there is a chapter with dozen pages on why teenagers tend to prioritize peer feedback over feedback from adults and how recent decades of modern living has made it more common.

‘You may insist that you do not think this way. Of course, you do not think in words. You think it with chemicals, and with wiring built from experience’

[Ken The Librarian · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book, and gave it a rare (for me) 5 stars. I admittedly geek out on this topic, and have read roughly a half a dozen non-fiction titles about classism and status, with evolutionary psychology at the core. Loretta Breuning's books is absolutely one of the best. Prior books describing anxieties about our social class standing are mere window dressing compared to the science and physiology that she provides to explain our best (and worst!) behaviors linked to Status. All mammals are status seeking - hard to get around it! She does however provide a roadmap to help us better manage some of our base instincts. This book is a keeper on the family bookshelf.

[Andreea Olaru · Rating 5 out of 5]

Similar in style to her other book, Habits of a Happy Brain, Loretta Breuning has a very unique narration style that keeps the reader easily engaged, is relatable and delivers information in a way that's easy to remember and implement.

This book even felt like a very good therapy session (mostly after chapter 8) and highlighted some of our species' behaviors among each other that i was not even aware of.

I would recoomend this book to each and every mammal!

In closing, a quote from the book that i liked:
"We repeat patterns learned in youth, and our brains associate publicly visible patterns with private emotional patterns"

[Emily Ward · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't know, man. The author's dismissal of antidepressants is a yikes. She repeats a few times that she can speak the truth now that she's retired and not susceptible to the peer pressure of academia, which I guess is cool but it also sounds exactly like a status game. One of her "controversial" beliefs is that Shakespeare was really Edward de Vere which...what? She gives no evidence for this and just carries on with a whole little biography as if it's truth.

[Negar Tavakoli · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is like a shot of espresso, which is heavy, but also it keeps you fresh and gives you awareness about inner mammalian that how it keeps comparing ourselves to others. It’s pretty normal, but we should manage and use it in our life. Remember that if we focus on what we create instead of “them,” a new path is formed.

[Victoria Pena · Rating 5 out of 5]

Status Games helped me understand so much about why people care about status and how it affects our emotions and choices. Loretta Graziano Breuning explains everything in a clear, down to earth way and gives real steps to help break free from constant comparison. This book changed how I see ambition, happiness, and self-worth. I’m really glad I read it.

[Shamim Hafiz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although the book is meant to focus on human behavior, but the accompanying examples are also worth reading for their own sakes. Real life examples and retrospective illustrates a concept best and the author has done that.

[Anooshe · Rating 4 out of 5]

بازی موقعیت

عالی بهترین کتابی که تا حالا خوندم. اصولی که در تسلط و تمرکز بر خویشتن و مقایسه‌ی هرروزه‌ی خود با ایده آل مدنظر و گرفتار مقایسه با دیگران نشدن محتوای این کتاب ارزشمند است.

این کتاب را در اپلیکیشن طاقچه بخوانید:
https://taaghche.com/book/117924

[Sally Hinkley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very interesting to learn about our mammalian instincts. About 3/4 of the book was "why" and information about animal behaviour. Only about 1/4 was on "how to stop" so disappointing this was covered so briefly in comparison.

[Cadence Fisher · Rating 5 out of 5]

I notice status games happening literally all the time now! It’s actually wild how frequently we do this without even realizing. Also really reframed my thinking about human nature and the system of the patriarchy.

[Yucel Kalem · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life is a status game and everybody want to learn how it works read this book.

[Steve · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great take on life. Should be required reading.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this author and I love this book. I am learning to implement the strategies and I have a better understanding of myself & others.

[Andrew Mounsear-wilson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Certainly a book, some interesting points but it has a very odd bias. An example: an appeal to look at early missionary work because they were unaffected by the bias of academia, but zero mention of the biases which made these early works worthless.

[George · Rating 5 out of 5]

The concepts in this book are simple, and the implications are profound. I think I missed opportunity was that there wasn't more discussion about the implications on the need for mindfulness and compassion.