Flashback Girl: Lessons on Resilience from a Burn Survivor

by Lise Deguire

2020 Nautilus Book Award for Memoir, Gold; 2021 Next Generation Indie Book Award for Memoir, Finalist

At the age of four, Dr. Lise Deguire suffered third-degree burns on 65% of her body as the result of both maternal and corporate negligence. Against the odds, she lived through the trauma, beginning decades of treatment as a burn survivor. Some chapters of this gripping journey focus on early events, including the story of the fire, her years of painful surgeries in the hospital, social isolation and bullying. Other chapters focus on her adult life, such as her struggles to find romantic love, being a parent, and her work as a clinical psychologist.

Dr. Deguire recounts her childhood with two narcissistic parents and their futile struggles to find happiness. She tells the tragic story of her family, which includes artistic genius, stark neglect, and four suicides. Most importantly, she explains her long but ultimately triumphant path towards love, health, and life satisfaction.

The voice of Flashback Girl is warm and engaging. Despite the seriousness of the subject, the tone of the book is positive and humorous, without self-pity. The aim is to inspire those who suffer to keep pushing on. If the author can make it, despite the tremendous odds against her, there is hope for all.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction

290 pages, Paperback

Published September 10, 2020

About the author

LISE DEGUIRE is a psychologist and award-winning author of Flashback Girl (Nautilus Book Award for Memoir, Gold; Next Generation Indie Book Award for Memoir/personal struggle; Finalist). The lone surviving child of unsettled and iconoclastic parents, she grew up all over New Jersey and Long Island. Following a horrific fire where she suffered burns on two-thirds of her body, she spent much of her childhood alone in a Boston hospital, undergoing countless surgical procedures.

Dr. Deguire graduated summa cum laude, Phi Beta Kappa, from Tufts University and earned her doctorate in clinical psychology from Widener University. Dr. Deguire has appeared on NPR, NBC, ABC, FOX, and Sirius XM, and has been published in Tiny Buddha, Thrive Global, Psychology Today, GrownandFlown, and Medium.com. She writes about psychological resilience issues in her blog and is a national keynote speaker. She is married, has two grown daughters, and one rambunctious dog.

Reviews

[Celeste Montgomery · Rating 5 out of 5]

Flashback Girl is more than a memoir. More than a story of survival. More than a portrait of a family’s dysfunction and disintegration. It is a book of instruction and encouragement, optimism and grace. Author Lise Deguire is a model of resilience, having survived and thrived in spite of a series of terrible tragedies: life-threatening burns at age four, years of long and lonely hospitalizations, parental negligence, bullying, depression, and multiple suicides. Each one of these tragedies alone might take a lifetime to heal. But Dr. Deguire has risen out of the ashes, armed with lessons to show us a way forward through our own difficult times. This is an extraordinary and compelling story, and you will come away feeling a renewed hope in humanity’s potential for healing and wholeness.

[Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is absolutely insane! I saw some other people wrote about being confused by the timeline but I wasn't. I don't think she intended it to be told in order so I wouldn't get too caught up in it but it all comes together in the end in one big, dysfunctional, beautiful, sad, shocking masterpiece. Super easy and compelling read. You won't believe the horrors this woman went through.

[Anita J. Dupree · Rating 2 out of 5]

Flashback Girl by Lise Deguire, Psy.D. This is a memoir by Dr. Deguire capturing her life from when she was four through adulthood. At age four, Lise suffered a horrific accident where she was burned over 65% of her body. Amazingly, she survived but in her own survival, she endured constant family traumas and losses. Most tragic was the suicide of her beloved brother, Marc, that haunted Lise throughout her life. However the author writes about her overcoming these struggles, the most disturbing aspect is her relationship with her mother. She is painstaking in describing her mother’s shortcomings (and indeed, Kathryn had many), but even with her training in psychology, Lise seems blind to the fact that her mother clearly suffered a psychological disorder that likely impaired her ability to be emotionally supportive of others, including Lise and Marc, her own children. Lise’s story certainly shows her amazing triumph and resilience but for me, it falls a little short on genuine insight and empathy.

[Anne London · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a difficult review to write. I was under the understanding that the author did not place blame for what had happened (due to another review) so my understanding of the tone of the book was not how it finally came across. Because of this, I wanted to rate it lower because she DID have a negative viewpoint about how the fire occurred, how she was raised, and life circumstances. However, this blame is well deserved. She did suffer under the hands of others...both physically and emotionally. It's truly amazing that she came through all of this whole. Because it was just about MY perception, this definitely deserves all five stars I gave it.

Side note: I had no idea burn patients that were children weren't given pain medicine!! However, in the early 90s, I did have to fight for pain medicine for my toddler after a skull fracture surgery.

[Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
As a fellow burn survivor, although my burns were different, I could relate to a lot of the emotions this author experienced. The numerous surgeries, the unkind kids, it's all very trying, especially for a young child.
I think what may have made me enjoy this book more would be the timeline of events. At times, it was hard for me to follow. But overall, this was an interesting read.

[Mark Alpheus · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars

I rated it based on the reading experience, in which I refer to the emotions I felt while reading it.

I love how the author made those commentaries on her life, how she criticized every event that happened. I didn't know this much heartache could happen to someone in a lifetime.

The characters were also well-established, the writing style fairly well.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an e-arc of this book! (though I read it late haha)

[Samuel Moore-Sobel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lise Deguire is a gifted writer and storyteller. Her story is completely compelling - not only because of her resilience, authenticity and strength, but also because her story is so relatable. As a fellow burn survivor, I connected with the passages in which she described what it was like to have surgeries, to go to countless doctor's appointments, and how her burns affect her life today. I also found the passages concerning her struggles with her parents, her efforts to forge a new identity as she came of age, and her determination to make a difference in the lives of others to be extremely relatable as well. This is not just a book for burn survivors - it is a book for anyone who has experienced adversity, loss, pain or injury. It is a story filled with humanity. Reading this book, I found myself crying, laughing, smiling and cheering Lise on as she bravely confronted one loss after the other, only to come back stronger each time. In describing her role as a psychologist, Lise writes, "I lead them through a dark cave, a flickering candle in hand...eventually, we emerge out of the black cave together, stepping out into the warm rays of sunshine." I'd argue that Lise does the same thing with this book. Don't miss out on this one - buy it today!

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved reading Flashback Girl. Whenever anyone shares about their life, it is a gift--but Dr. Deguire's story and honesty are a particular gift because of the unique pain, trauma, and hardship she experienced. She tells her story in a masterful way. It is raw, honest, vulnerable, and compelling. It's been several days since I finished reading her book, and I keep thinking about the relationship she had with her mother (which is recounted in the book). It is a relationship filled with heartache, complexity, and challenge. But the way Dr. Deguire interacts with her mother, showing genuine kindness and care (even when it seemed, from my reader perspective, hard to do) is an example to me. The stories told in this book are ones I won't soon forget, and they are stories I hope will shape my own interactions with others for many years to come.

[Lisa Gage · Rating 5 out of 5]

This brave woman’s telling of her most unusual, difficult life as a third degree burn survivor, as a victim of childhood bullying, and as a member of a dysfunctional family with several suicides, is a gripping and fascinating read. How she manages to tell these incredible life stories, one after the other, with both humor and grace, is a testament to the power of resilience. I can see that if she had not honed the resilience skills she shares throughout the book, she wouldn’t have survived to live the life she enjoys today. I highly recommend this to anyone looking for an inspirational, uplifting and enjoyable read.

[Brenda Negus · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful but shocking book about surviving childhood trauma, emotional neglect and a number of unexpected and tragic events. Read the book to not only learn about one woman’s extraordinary journey through a life filled with challenges, but to learn how she coped with kindness, hope, and resilience.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I know the author’s friend, mentioned in her memoir, Susan. I started it, knowing it was the memoir of women who was an accidental burn victim. But her story is way more than that! She survived so much more! I hope I get to meet her someday. Very well written, and I loved how her store unfolded in layers. I highly recommend it!

[Helen Tripp · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Resilience” is the word!

The writer shows an infinite capacity to love.
As a reader, I responded on several levels, mostly as a horrified mother, but ultimately as an observer; as the writer revealed more of her inner turmoil, & resilience & compassion.

[Gayle Carr · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent memoir. Difficult to read at times. The life lessons are sweet and they come from the heard. I highly recommend it!

[Tom · Rating 4 out of 5]

Painful to read, but the author’s spunkiness and genuine voice keeps you turning the pages.

[Denise · Rating 4 out of 5]

A well-written book by a psychologist who has the ability to somewhat objectively reflect on the substantial trauma of her own life. Fascinating read.

[Doreen Hallabuk · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book touched my heart. Lise and her story will stay with me for a long time.

[Donna OBrien · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir brought out all the emotions! Thank you for sharing your story, Lise Deguire. Survival sister, you touched on images, feelings, and memories I haven't dragged up in years. Our stories have many similarities, but I fared better with my dysfunctional family. My burns were less terrible but triggered a lifelong medical nightmare that has had me hospitalized countless times over 50 years with countless surgeries. I've outlived a few of my angels/doctors, too. This story was cathartic. Again, thank you for your brave words.

[Brook Packard · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is a facile approach to relational trauma that does no good. It is an approach that tells those who have had toxic narcissistic parents to just “get over it”. To engage in in cheap forgiveness instead of transactional forgiveness. First, Lise Deguire’s “Flashback Girl” is a page turner, filled with true stories that had me weeping in empathy and recognition. Second, the life lessons included while simple, are hard-won, ringing with truth. “Flashback Girl” is filled with an honest, authentic hope instead of spiritual and psychological bypassing. In a world filled with life coaches and counselors who are well-branded but offer little else, Lise Deguire is the kind of writer and therapist we need: someone who has been through unthinkable torment and neglect yet has come out the other side with loving, but firm, boundaries.

[kortnee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley for allowing me to read this story amazing story of a life of a burned victim and the struggles in life.
I personally had a hard time getting into this book as it talks about her at first and the All about her family. I really wanted to know more about her! The time lines were hard to follow. It isn’t a book that flows from one time in the morning to the night. It jumps around a little.
I really liked how up front and personal this book was. I see now why she waited to write it!

[Kathy Seid-eriksson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Flashback Girl is an inspirational, captivating and beautifully written memoir. Dr. Lise Deguire's story is a testimony to what the human spirit can overcome. She grappled with and triumphed over multiple traumas - both physical and emotional - demonstrating remarkable courage and resilience. Interwoven in Dr. Deguire's memoir are lessons she has learned along her journey offering hope to her readers. And what a journey of healing it has been.

[Ellie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an excellent, and at times very hard to read, memoir about a woman who not only survived a traumatic burn as a child, but also a neglectful, abusive and traumatic childhood, with which she later had to come to terms.

I don't want to give away any more information about her story, but the author is a psychologist and offers insight and advice as well as heart wrenching honesty throughout the book.

[April Cote · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book makes you self reflect in a sometimes uncomfortable way. Through the story of the life of a survivor you can find hints of yourself, your relationships and perspective. It’s at times painful but ultimately uplifting and inspiring. I’d recommend this book to anyone who likes a book that challenges you to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and learn something about themself along the way.

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lise,
You honor the very essence of what it feels like to live as a Burn Survivor. Thank you for your brutal honesty of the pain and phases of surviving fire and living through multiple traumas. Every burn story is so unique yet I felt held and understood in ways only, other Survivors know. Iam rejoicing and praising that I had this intimate look into your life. Thank you for sharing your family with us. I am beyond grateful.
Fellow Burn Survivor, Sara Shepherd

[Pam Reeves · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heart wrenching

Lise recounts her tragic accident in childhood and it’s lasting effects on her for the rest of her life seemlessly and vividly. Her voice is easy, clear and matter of fact as she recounts not only the accident but also the nuances of her dysfunctional upbringing. It’s a fascinating story and her writing makes it an easy read.

[Susanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a powerful and touching book. Ms. Deguire manages to paint the picture of great hardship without being self indulgent. A story of true tragedy and perseverance AND faith, it is sure to inspire. Highly recommend!

[Andrea Couture · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful memoir

What a powerful, fascinating, deeply vulnerable story. The writing and pace were excellent. I cried, I smiled, and I am so proud of this author for sharing her story. Great read.

[lucy keenan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thoughtful

A compelling story with many parallels to my life, albeit more of a there but for the grace go I.

[Mak · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love!!! Going to recommend to a professor of mine to read lol

[Jackie Diaz · Rating 1 out of 5]

am one of the characters written about in this book. Described as a 13 year old that was immature, even though, I skipped a grade from 6th to 8th grade. The author described me as ugly, gawky-with not much grace and “not smart”

This is disturbing because it was written by a Psychologist who in her memoir has an underlining theme of being bullied and made fun of because of her looks.

The book was sold as a survivors story and resilience of a horrible fire that scarred and disfigured the author. It quickly turned into a very vicious attack on her parents neglect and abandonment of her needs. In as much, the author also attacked her Stepfather and his children who were not involved with the family for many years until after fire-nor did they cohabitate together. The author took liberty after her Mothers death, who was also a Psychologist, to do a real hit job on everybody involved in her life. 90% of the people the author dehumanized are literarily dead and the dead can’t speak or defend themselves.

A lot of misdirected anger was pointed at people her mother befriended or married. The unbelievable abuse of her biological parents giving her marijuana starting at age 9 and treating her like a party pal is disgusting. When her mother was getting remarried and prior to the wedding they all snorted cocaine together at age 16 -is child endangerment. It’s confusing that the author was in and out of hospitals, therapists and had access to many doctors on a daily basis but never told a doctor “ my parents give me marijuana for pain and I snort cocaine with my mother”.

This book was written subjectively and does not give a fair or true depiction of everyone. Writing this book from a Psychologists point of view - it’s a huge fail. The author postures as victim in every aspect of her life-describing and labeling people smart or not smart, cultured or uncultured according to her standards. She disparages everyone to make herself feel better, Narcissistic Personality Disorder-text book 101. Which is really not professional. Maybe it should have been 2 separate books. One, being a survivor of a horrible fire and two, the dysfunctional family she was raised in. Sadly the author has made terrible mistakes in her life. She was heavily pregnant with her second child while getting involved in an affair with a coworker. After giving birth to her second child she waited for her husband to leave for work and and moved into an apartment she secretly acquired without knowledge of her husband. He came home to an empty house while she left with her new born and toddler. Her coworker did the same thing to his wife. They then married and the author justified her behavior and exiting her marriage due to the fact that her husband wasn’t really “smart” enough for her. This sounds exactly like something her neglectful-narcissistic mother would do. Also, the authors father died of AIDS he was a closeted gay man for many years. Maybe that is the reason her mother was very promiscuous and constantly talked about sex with multiple lovers.

The book consistently name calls, berates and humiliates people without proof or facts the author actually lies about colleges attended and degrees acquired by individuals she wants to denigrate in order to make her feel superior and she is an elitist. It is all opinion and point of view perspective. Only a truly damaged person makes these sophomoric statements but yet the author Dr. Deguire is emotionally stunted after being in such a horrific, life altering fire. Arrested emotional development.

[Cheryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

A well written and raw telling of a family’s story told by the perspective of the youngest daughter who also is a burn victim (at the age of 4.) Told with honesty and compassion, this story is compelling and a whole messy mix of emotions!