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The Modern Aztec's Guide to Dating and Time Travel: A Quality Jones Book
Times have changed for Quality Jones…literally.
She’s survived two time-travel accidents and grown up in a timeline where the Aztecs defeated the Spanish. Her DIY time-travel technology could vaporize the space-time continuum. Her cat is abusive and her Guardian Demon is a jerk. She can't even afford a real pair of Uggs. But all Quality wants is normalcy—and to start her own business.
Even normalcy is too tall an order when she runs into the world’s most lovable band of supervillains out to conquer the world in the name of EVIL. Turns out there are people who would do anything to get their hands on her time-travel technology. Who would have thought?
Now, Quality must work with friends and frenemies alike to protect her time-travel secrets at all costs. And she’ll need all the tacos and dating advice she can get if she's going up against Amazon Prime battle tanks, quantum cataclysms, and one alarming possibility.
That maybe those time-travel accidents that completely upended her life weren't accidents at all.
She’s survived two time-travel accidents and grown up in a timeline where the Aztecs defeated the Spanish. Her DIY time-travel technology could vaporize the space-time continuum. Her cat is abusive and her Guardian Demon is a jerk. She can't even afford a real pair of Uggs. But all Quality wants is normalcy—and to start her own business.
Even normalcy is too tall an order when she runs into the world’s most lovable band of supervillains out to conquer the world in the name of EVIL. Turns out there are people who would do anything to get their hands on her time-travel technology. Who would have thought?
Now, Quality must work with friends and frenemies alike to protect her time-travel secrets at all costs. And she’ll need all the tacos and dating advice she can get if she's going up against Amazon Prime battle tanks, quantum cataclysms, and one alarming possibility.
That maybe those time-travel accidents that completely upended her life weren't accidents at all.
481 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 9, 2020
5 people are currently reading
24 people want to read
About the author
Ulises Silva
3 books16 followersSo yeah, about this writing thing… I started writing in grad school, when I somehow completed and serialized a 500-page Anime fanfic called Nightmares in the Apocalypse. And because I’m sure you can’t tell from the title, it was a very dark story that had lots of death and destruction and happy dreams. No wait, nightmares. It had lots of nightmares. And death.
It was terribly written and embarrassing to even claim, but it was my first novel-length writing, and so I have to embrace it the way Darth Vader has to embrace his previous associations with Jar Jar Binks.
Maybe it was my horror film upbringing; my parents took me to see The Shining, Alien, and The Exorcist when most of my classmates were going to see The Last Unicorn and The Dark Crystal. Which, come to think of it, were kind of dark movies in their own right, so I guess we were all a little screwed up in 80s. Whatever it was, I kept writing dark fiction, culminating in my first novel in 2007, Solstice.
Solstice is, well, not a happy story. But, hey, for fans of apocalyptic, end-of-world fiction, it’s awesome!
Fast-forward a year or two later, when, I don’t know, happiness and stuff start filtering back into my life. My writing took a decidedly more comedic and lighthearted tone. Some say I sold out my dark, apocalyptic roots, but that’s because they haven’t discovered the joys and oddities of writing in the first person. As a woman. When you’re a man. Which my wife kind of digs. Or not really.
As a result of all this, my second novel, The Perfect Teresa, is to Solstice what, I don’t know, mangoes are to soy beans.
The Perfect Teresa is a novel near and dear to my heart because it got me back into writing, and because I took a “who cares if it’s good” attitude when writing it. Which is to say, it’s totally good and you should buy a copy because, totally, it’s good, I was just kidding when I said I didn’t care.
My new novel, The Modern Aztec's Guide to Dating and Time Travel, takes things in an even zanier direction. Inspired by the works of authors like Christopher Moore and Alexander C. Kane, I let my creative id run amok in an orgy of zany characters, outlandish plot elements, and combative animals. The final product is something that is fun, lighthearted, somewhat profane and raunchy, and what I hope is the start of a successful trilogy of books.
And if nothing else, you now have a novel with a half-Mexican, half-Scottish woman named Quality Jones, who holds the key to the safety of the space-time continuum in her reckless hands.
You’ve been warned.
It was terribly written and embarrassing to even claim, but it was my first novel-length writing, and so I have to embrace it the way Darth Vader has to embrace his previous associations with Jar Jar Binks.
Maybe it was my horror film upbringing; my parents took me to see The Shining, Alien, and The Exorcist when most of my classmates were going to see The Last Unicorn and The Dark Crystal. Which, come to think of it, were kind of dark movies in their own right, so I guess we were all a little screwed up in 80s. Whatever it was, I kept writing dark fiction, culminating in my first novel in 2007, Solstice.
Solstice is, well, not a happy story. But, hey, for fans of apocalyptic, end-of-world fiction, it’s awesome!
Fast-forward a year or two later, when, I don’t know, happiness and stuff start filtering back into my life. My writing took a decidedly more comedic and lighthearted tone. Some say I sold out my dark, apocalyptic roots, but that’s because they haven’t discovered the joys and oddities of writing in the first person. As a woman. When you’re a man. Which my wife kind of digs. Or not really.
As a result of all this, my second novel, The Perfect Teresa, is to Solstice what, I don’t know, mangoes are to soy beans.
The Perfect Teresa is a novel near and dear to my heart because it got me back into writing, and because I took a “who cares if it’s good” attitude when writing it. Which is to say, it’s totally good and you should buy a copy because, totally, it’s good, I was just kidding when I said I didn’t care.
My new novel, The Modern Aztec's Guide to Dating and Time Travel, takes things in an even zanier direction. Inspired by the works of authors like Christopher Moore and Alexander C. Kane, I let my creative id run amok in an orgy of zany characters, outlandish plot elements, and combative animals. The final product is something that is fun, lighthearted, somewhat profane and raunchy, and what I hope is the start of a successful trilogy of books.
And if nothing else, you now have a novel with a half-Mexican, half-Scottish woman named Quality Jones, who holds the key to the safety of the space-time continuum in her reckless hands.
You’ve been warned.
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
December 15, 2020
If you are a fan of Thorne Smith, Douglas Adams or Christopher Moore, you owe it to yourself to read Ulises Silva. I couldn’t put it down and laughed out loud at least once a page. I absolutely adore Quality Jones and her tactical pigtails. I hope we get more adventures with her.
December 15, 2020
Here’s all you need to know about time travel. Just don’t do it. In fact, forget I ever mentioned it.
🦄🦄🦄
Times have changed for Quality Jones…literally.
She’s survived two time-travel accidents and grown up in a timeline where the Aztecs defeated the Spanish. Her DIY time-travel technology could vaporize the space-time continuum. Her cat is abusive and her Guardian Demon is a jerk. She can't even afford a real pair of Uggs. But all Quality wants is normalcy—and to start her own business.
Even normalcy is too tall an order when she runs into the world’s most lovable band of supervillains out to conquer the world in the name of EVIL. Turns out there are people who would do anything to get their hands on her time-travel technology. Who would have thought?
Now, Quality must work with friends and frenemies alike to protect her time-travel secrets at all costs. And she’ll need all the tacos and dating advice she can get if she's going up against Amazon Prime battle tanks, quantum cataclysms, and one alarming possibility.
That maybe those time-travel accidents that completely upended her life weren't accidents at all.
🦄🦄🦄
The Modern Aztec's Guide to Dating and Time Travel: A Quality Jones Book by Ulises Silva.
The plot's intriguing to say the least, but the writing is also very chaotic. Imagine being on a rollercoaster, but the rollercoaster is filled with the weirdest characters you've ever encountered and it never stops, that's what this felt like and I loved it.
The quirky characters are lovable, but they get on your nerves. Seriously, I don't think I'd be able to spend a full 10 minutes with some of them, but at least they're something different than what we are used to reading about.
We've even got policemen saying, “And whatever you do, don’t forget to smile and have a great day, a**hole!” (Don't worry this isn't a spoiler).
The main character, Quality Jones has definitely cemented her place as an interesting character in a very unusual world, with her "tactics" and right from the very beginning she has an air of mystery that makes you wonder how her head works and how she functions which is brilliant.
My one major criticism is that there's a lot of what I consider to be fillers that don't necessarily go anything for the plot overall so even if I had to skim through it I wouldn't be missing out on anything important.
So this ended up being a sci-fi, "superhero", (darkish) humour book and definitely has some other genres mixed in there as well but if these genres interest you, you must give this book a try.
🦄🦄🦄
Rated 8.5/10
Melina L.
🦄🦄🦄
Times have changed for Quality Jones…literally.
She’s survived two time-travel accidents and grown up in a timeline where the Aztecs defeated the Spanish. Her DIY time-travel technology could vaporize the space-time continuum. Her cat is abusive and her Guardian Demon is a jerk. She can't even afford a real pair of Uggs. But all Quality wants is normalcy—and to start her own business.
Even normalcy is too tall an order when she runs into the world’s most lovable band of supervillains out to conquer the world in the name of EVIL. Turns out there are people who would do anything to get their hands on her time-travel technology. Who would have thought?
Now, Quality must work with friends and frenemies alike to protect her time-travel secrets at all costs. And she’ll need all the tacos and dating advice she can get if she's going up against Amazon Prime battle tanks, quantum cataclysms, and one alarming possibility.
That maybe those time-travel accidents that completely upended her life weren't accidents at all.
🦄🦄🦄
The Modern Aztec's Guide to Dating and Time Travel: A Quality Jones Book by Ulises Silva.
The plot's intriguing to say the least, but the writing is also very chaotic. Imagine being on a rollercoaster, but the rollercoaster is filled with the weirdest characters you've ever encountered and it never stops, that's what this felt like and I loved it.
The quirky characters are lovable, but they get on your nerves. Seriously, I don't think I'd be able to spend a full 10 minutes with some of them, but at least they're something different than what we are used to reading about.
We've even got policemen saying, “And whatever you do, don’t forget to smile and have a great day, a**hole!” (Don't worry this isn't a spoiler).
The main character, Quality Jones has definitely cemented her place as an interesting character in a very unusual world, with her "tactics" and right from the very beginning she has an air of mystery that makes you wonder how her head works and how she functions which is brilliant.
My one major criticism is that there's a lot of what I consider to be fillers that don't necessarily go anything for the plot overall so even if I had to skim through it I wouldn't be missing out on anything important.
So this ended up being a sci-fi, "superhero", (darkish) humour book and definitely has some other genres mixed in there as well but if these genres interest you, you must give this book a try.
🦄🦄🦄
Rated 8.5/10
Melina L.
January 2, 2021
This story was a delight to read. It’s full of annoying and funny characters bonding in a quirky Chicago.
December 24, 2020
🌺BLURB:
Quality Jones has survived two time-travel accidents and grown up in a timeline where the Aztecs defeated the Spanish. Her DIY time-travel technology could vaporize the space-time continuum. But all Quality wants is a normal life and to start her own business. She meets the world’s most lovable band of supervillains out to conquer the world in the name of EVIL and they would do anything to get their hands on her time-travel technology. Now, Quality must work with everyone to protect her time-travel secrets at all costs. And she’ll need all the tacos and dating advice she can get if she’s going up against Amazon Prime battle tanks, quantum cataclysms, and one alarming possibility. That maybe those time-travel accidents that completely upended her life weren’t accidents at all.
•
•
What a book! What a concept! Written with such a perfection that each character is justified in the book. I loved the storyline of the book a lot. I haven’t read anything like this before. I loved the cover of this book a lot. Ulises has created a distinct world and that too with perfection. The author was skillfully able to catch the attention of the readers. I haven’t felt bored even for a minute, the book was engaging.
🌸Why you should read this book:
💫If you love books with a different concept, then pick this book.
💫If you love a lot of drama and twists, it’s the right book for you.
•
•
Quality Jones has survived two time-travel accidents and grown up in a timeline where the Aztecs defeated the Spanish. Her DIY time-travel technology could vaporize the space-time continuum. But all Quality wants is a normal life and to start her own business. She meets the world’s most lovable band of supervillains out to conquer the world in the name of EVIL and they would do anything to get their hands on her time-travel technology. Now, Quality must work with everyone to protect her time-travel secrets at all costs. And she’ll need all the tacos and dating advice she can get if she’s going up against Amazon Prime battle tanks, quantum cataclysms, and one alarming possibility. That maybe those time-travel accidents that completely upended her life weren’t accidents at all.
•
•
What a book! What a concept! Written with such a perfection that each character is justified in the book. I loved the storyline of the book a lot. I haven’t read anything like this before. I loved the cover of this book a lot. Ulises has created a distinct world and that too with perfection. The author was skillfully able to catch the attention of the readers. I haven’t felt bored even for a minute, the book was engaging.
🌸Why you should read this book:
💫If you love books with a different concept, then pick this book.
💫If you love a lot of drama and twists, it’s the right book for you.
•
•
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews