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188 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2020
**“I will never fucking let you go,” he repeated. “I don’t care if you’re mad at me. I don’t care if you hate me. I don’t care if I have to fight with you every single day for the rest of our fucking lives.”**
**“You are mine, Lake. You are mine, and I am yours, and there will never be anyone else, for either one of us, ever fucking again.”**
**Lake was staring up at me like she was baring her soul to Satan. I could see it all in her blue eyes. She was waiting for the punchline. She was waiting for me to use her and move on. And if I could see that all in her eyes, the only question left was, if she didn’t believe in us, why was she letting me do this? Why was she giving herself to me? This time, it was me asking the question, “Why?” And then she said something that had me almost dragging her to the courthouse by her hair. “Because I’d rather regret you than never have experienced you.”**
**No way would my father ever do something so heinous to my mother. He fucking worshipped her. But then, hadn’t I just done the same thing to Lake? Rather than hunt her down and demand answers, I had believed someone else’s manipulations, and let the pain of her supposed betrayal call the shots. And then, there was the fact that I wanted to punch my dad in the face for having ever treated my mother like that.**
**“Don’t touch me!” She pulled away from me, and staring down at her tear-stained face, her heaving rage, the hate in her eyes, and the heartbreak all over her face, there was no way I was ever going to leave this girl alone. Lake was it for me, and there was nothing I wouldn’t do to make this happen.**
**“I hate you,” she insisted. “I hate you so much.” “And I love you,” I countered. “I love you so damn much, baby.” She looked up at me, and she looked a hot mess. Her face was splotchy, her eyes were red, and her makeup smeared, but she was still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Love did that. Love made you recognize a beauty that was deeper than visual. Love made the girl in my arms looked better at her worst than other girls at their best.**
**And then she really threatened to drop me to my knees when her entire body began to shake, and she started crying in my arms. I turned her around and pulled her close as she cried into my chest, and her pain was enough that, if I were a better person, I’d let her go. However, I wasn’t. “Baby,” I whispered in her hair, “I’m so fucking sorry. I’m so goddamn sorry, Lake.” She was shaking her head, her face pressed against my chest.**
**Lake was never going to forgive me. She was going to stay with me, and she might even love me one day, but she was never going to forgive me for what I did to her, and I was going to have to live with that for the rest of my life. That was my penance. I was going to have her forever, but I was never going to have all of her. She was always going to hold a piece of herself back because Lake was never going to trust me not to turn on her again. In this moment, I finally knew real heartbreak. Did that mean I was going to let her go? No. Did that mean I was going to ever stop trying to win her over? No. My hands tightened in her hair, and my lips crashed onto hers. I was going to have to show her. I was going to have to show her, every day, for the rest of our fucking lives.**
**“I own all of you.” “And what about you?” I asked, still vulnerable. “Do I own all of you?” His chocolate gaze never left mine as he said, “You have every piece of me, Lake. My heart, my mind, my body, and my soul. And I will never let anything, or anyone, come between us ever again.” I didn’t necessarily believe him, but I couldn’t punish him forever. Forgiveness or not, I wanted to be happy and holding this over his head wouldn’t accomplish that. So, I said the one thing I knew to be true. I said the only thing I was feeling right now. “I love you.”**