Jealousy and Envy

by Nancy Friday

A “fascinating [and] evocative” analysis of these powerful emotions by the #1 New York Times–bestselling author of My Mother/My Self (Kirkus Reviews, starred review).   What is jealousy, and how does it undermine our closest relationships? Renowned journalist and author Nancy Friday tackles this difficult topic with compelling honesty and depth of insight. Here, Friday explores the feeling of fear and its connection to jealousy—specifically the fear of losing love and power. Informed by close readings of psychological treatises on jealousy as well as anecdotal interviews, she offers new insights into jealousy at every stage of life--from childhood to old age.   The author of the iconic bestseller My Secret Garden, Nancy Friday is known for her courage in tackling incredibly intimate, personal topics head-on and with astonishing honesty. Here, she turns her focus toward an emotional issue that often cripples loving relationships—and shows new pathways toward healing.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Feminism, Memoir, Self Help, Relationships

675 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1985

About the author

Nancy Colbert Friday was an American author who wrote on the topics of female sexuality and liberation. Her writings argue that women have often been reared under an ideal of womanhood, which was outdated and restrictive, and largely unrepresentative of many women's true inner lives, and that openness about women's hidden lives could help free women to truly feel able to enjoy being themselves. She asserts that this is not due to deliberate malice, but due to social expectation, and that for women's and men's benefit alike it is healthier that both be able to be equally open, participatory and free to be accepted for who and what they are.

Reviews

[Milly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love this book. It has been suggested that "the sign of a good book" might be when the author undresses. And you've got to admire Nancy Friday for your passionate quest to rid herself from the plight which pledges the world today. In all honesty I believed she and her great writing ability excelled to heights that many writers fall short of.

Some of her quotes where uniquely and masterfully memorable, with just a touch of poetic flare. Quite often large books bore me and I find the think-mode too similar and common, but not so with this masterful prize. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to understand people better, especially jealous or envious people. And also this book is excellent for those who just want to learn behavior attitudes and hindrances which limit avenues of success.

Regards,
Milly

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Returned to Lib. Big book!

[Jessie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nancy Friday does a fine job of explaining and illustrating what jealous really it, which many people confuse with envy. Truly a masterpiece of writing that helps readers understand the difference between these two very confusing emotions and/or feelings.

[Henry · Rating 5 out of 5]

(Another bloody good book from Friday)

In essence, jealousy and envy both stem from an inadequate childhood. A child grew up without proper parenting (which is extremely hard to come by) have the intense desire to be liked. This can manifest in terms of such person constantly wanting to be in the center of attention, constantly wanting to show the world that he or she has "made it", is "happy" and is worthy of desire. However, as Friday showed in the book, when such person encounter a competitor that can pierce his/her "ego balloon", the person will grow increasingly jealous and envious and will find a way to sabotage the competitor.

This can come in many ways. For instance, for guys, it's very common for such person to want "bigger, better and shiner" things, such as bigger house, nicer car or more pretty looking trophy girlfriend/wife. For girls, they have the innate desire to be the most beautiful person in a room (and if she isn't, she'll invest heavily on her appearance, or even move to an area where there are less beautiful people). They also have innate desire to constantly be liked by others, they want to create an illusion that they're saught after by other people, they're popular and "don't even need love from others because they have plenty". They create narriatives for themselves and often are the only one that don't realizes how lonely they truly are.

Friday has noted that true self esteem doesn't come from the illusion of desire, but rather a healthy childhood (which Friday has repeatedly repeat in her books that she didn't have, since she has never met her own father). A child grow up with a proper parenting doesn't need superficial narratives to prove they're loved, for that they already know they're special, they're loved, from their parents the moment they were born.

Perhaps one of the biggest takeaway from the book is that it's not healthy to engage in people who have big egos - you can never win. They'll always have the intense desire to feel their superiority (which masks their inner inferiority) and when you do demonstrate your own superiority in a objective way, they'll grow ever increasingly jealous and have the inner desire to sabotage you. "Envy is such a killer", as Friday said.

[Ana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot praise this book enough! Of course psychology is still very much an art, not an exact science (as Mr. Yalom said himself) and knowing that I didn't have to agree with all of Dr. Friday's claims. However, that didn't stop me one bit from enjoying the book, from crying and feeling gut-wrenched all the way to feeling ecstatic when her words spoke to me. This book is about your life and it is going to change it for the better, if you let it. Thank you, Ms. Friday!

[Renetta Neal · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love the way Nancy Friday writes so openly and really honestly. It encourages me to think about those things that perhaps I often avoid thinking about . Difficult reading only in the fact that it made me stop and face some of my demons, amazing learning and I will buy copies for all my girl friends and my daughters :-)

[Misty · Rating 4 out of 5]

This showed me... what jealousy really is and how to conquor it.