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The Perfect Other: A Memoir of My Sister
All Kait Leddy had ever wanted was a little sister. When Kyleigh was born, they were inseparable; Kait would protect her, include her, cuddle and comfort her, and, to Kyleigh, her big sister was her whole world.
As they grew, however, and as Kait entered adolescence, her personality began to change. She was lashing out emotionally and physically, and losing touch with reality in certain ways. The family struggled to keep this side of Kait private—at school and in her social life, she was still the gorgeous, effervescent life of the party with a modeling career ahead of her and big dreams. But slowly, things began to shatter, and Kyleigh could only watch in horror as her perfect sibling’s world collapsed around her. Kait was institutionalized with what would eventually be diagnosed as schizophrenia, leaving Kyleigh and their mother to handle the burden, shame, and guilt alone.
Then, in January 2014, Kait disappeared. Though they never found her body, security footage showed her making her way onto a big bridge over a river, where it is presumed that she jumped. Kyleigh is left wondering: What could she have done differently? How could this shining light be gone? And how will she find peace without her sister to guide her way there?
As they grew, however, and as Kait entered adolescence, her personality began to change. She was lashing out emotionally and physically, and losing touch with reality in certain ways. The family struggled to keep this side of Kait private—at school and in her social life, she was still the gorgeous, effervescent life of the party with a modeling career ahead of her and big dreams. But slowly, things began to shatter, and Kyleigh could only watch in horror as her perfect sibling’s world collapsed around her. Kait was institutionalized with what would eventually be diagnosed as schizophrenia, leaving Kyleigh and their mother to handle the burden, shame, and guilt alone.
Then, in January 2014, Kait disappeared. Though they never found her body, security footage showed her making her way onto a big bridge over a river, where it is presumed that she jumped. Kyleigh is left wondering: What could she have done differently? How could this shining light be gone? And how will she find peace without her sister to guide her way there?
304 pages, Hardcover
First published March 15, 2022
90 people are currently reading
5346 people want to read
About the author
Kyleigh Leddy
3 books63 followersKyleigh Leddy, LMSW, is the author of The Perfect Other: A Memoir of My Sister (HarperCollins), which is based on her New York Times Modern Love essay. Her writing has appeared in New York Times, New York Magazine, Parents, QCODE, among others. In 2023, she was named on the Forbes 30 Under 30 Media list. She holds a BA from Boston College and an MSW from Columbia University. She teaches creative writing at Gotham Writers in NYC. She is also a therapist.
Her new book, a novel, will be released by Simon & Schuster in 2026.
Her new book, a novel, will be released by Simon & Schuster in 2026.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 141 reviews
June 28, 2022
The Perfect Other is the story of Kait Leddy, as told by her younger sister, Kyleigh. It begins in the girls’ childhood. There’s an age gap between the two, with Kait being the protector and Kyleigh adoring her older sister.
As Kait enters adolescence, she has difficulties beyond typical teens, dealing with aggression and losing touch with reality at times. Eventually she attends college, where she has more difficulty, especially in her relationships with others, including roommates, friends, and of course, her family. She also experiences a brain injury during a fall. Things seem to be escalating for Kait, when she becomes hospitalized and diagnosed with schizophrenia. In 2014, Kait disappears, and her body is never found, though there is video footage of her last moments near a bridge.
As someone who has lost their only sibling, I was extremely interested and invested in Kait and Kyleigh’s story. Kyleigh honestly shares how she could be terrified of her sister’s aggression and illness but also love her deeply. Kait’s changes began when Kyleigh was still in her formative years, and it was traumatic for the whole family, including for Kait herself. The sibling experience is an inside look and perspective that isn’t often shared, and something we as a society don’t talk about enough.
I also appreciated the research Kyleigh added about mental health, schizophrenia, and traumatic brain injuries. She’s not just knowledgeable through personal experience in her own family but is also pursuing a master’s degree in social work.
Audiobook notes: The Perfect Other is narrated by the author, and as ever when an author narrates their own memoir, it added considerable authenticity and emotion to the story.
I received a gifted copy.
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com and instagram: www.instagram.com/tarheelreader
As Kait enters adolescence, she has difficulties beyond typical teens, dealing with aggression and losing touch with reality at times. Eventually she attends college, where she has more difficulty, especially in her relationships with others, including roommates, friends, and of course, her family. She also experiences a brain injury during a fall. Things seem to be escalating for Kait, when she becomes hospitalized and diagnosed with schizophrenia. In 2014, Kait disappears, and her body is never found, though there is video footage of her last moments near a bridge.
As someone who has lost their only sibling, I was extremely interested and invested in Kait and Kyleigh’s story. Kyleigh honestly shares how she could be terrified of her sister’s aggression and illness but also love her deeply. Kait’s changes began when Kyleigh was still in her formative years, and it was traumatic for the whole family, including for Kait herself. The sibling experience is an inside look and perspective that isn’t often shared, and something we as a society don’t talk about enough.
I also appreciated the research Kyleigh added about mental health, schizophrenia, and traumatic brain injuries. She’s not just knowledgeable through personal experience in her own family but is also pursuing a master’s degree in social work.
Audiobook notes: The Perfect Other is narrated by the author, and as ever when an author narrates their own memoir, it added considerable authenticity and emotion to the story.
I received a gifted copy.
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com and instagram: www.instagram.com/tarheelreader
March 25, 2022
I have taken bites, chewed, swallowed, and digested more memoirs recently associated with mental illness, chronic illnesses, and every type of human craziness, and human chaos from every cell, gland, and organ in my body recently….
that I laugh at how disproportionately balanced all these books - too close together they became….
It’s been MARCH MADNESS MONTH.
Perhaps I can get a March Memoir rebate—
….a partial refund from having over invested my time from narratives composed of so much personal experience?
I think I can honestly say I’ve gone above and beyond my call of duty in the memoir department.
This specific review is a ‘duo-combo’…of two such books read during the month of March…
It’s been…..
Pills, depression, drugs, smoking, suicide, mental illness, grief, vomiting, neglect, abuse, missing persons, missing a beloved mentally unwell sister, abandonment, loss, death, sadness, parental nightmares, crappy marriages, loneliness, things hard to say, divorces, stigmatized schizophrenia, engagements, borderline personality disorders, broken hearts, every psychological and psychiatric disorder, chronic illnesses,
religious beliefs, meditation, spiritual awakenings, hopelessness, healing, hoping, eggs donated, never getting to say goodbye, unresolved situations, death acceptance, death desire, cancer, hospital stays, being restrained while in a hospital bed, loneliness, no boyfriends, divorces, annoying children, annoying mothers, annoying families, accusatory feisty accusations sexual assault, rape, covid, financial struggles, widows, nice Jewish men, diagnosed hypochondriacs, smart mothers, not smart mothers, menstruation, racial injustice, political nightmares, war, fake Social Security numbers fake families, fake names, runaways, maternity leaves, unwanted pregnancies, abortions, an astonishing a number of miserable people, crimes, murder, therapy sessions, tall people, short people, people with every single color eyes and hair imaginable, tattoo people, panic attacks. girls who had been beaten by their parents,
adolescence struggles, righteous people, secrets,
retail, therapy music, art therapy, rage, filthy whores, filthy housekeeping,
eating disorders, school drop outs, social punishments, rainbow colored boots, rebels, lies, moody pouty complex compelling human stories and god knows what else!
Each of the following books were interesting- heartfelt- honest in their own points of view and self expression—
sometimes fascinating, sometimes exhaustingly enough…..
but both books were real - have value…..
who am I to say a persons memoir is anything less than their own extraordinary humanity….
The month of April is around the corner — March-Memoir-Madness-Month….
is coming to a climax…
rumor has it….
‘Once Upon a time’ stories and other genres are making a comeback!
Truth: …..
FINAL THOUGHTS….
“The Perfect Other”….
Audiobook….10 hours and 32 minutes
read by the author Kyleigh Leddy
is not without flaws, a little too long, …. but is written with sincerity, passion, and love….
“Never Simple”, written by Liz Scheier
Audiobook narrated Amy Landon
…..8 hours and 27 minutes
was heartbreaking and hilarious ….. written well….honest and compassionate.
4 stars for both books.
that I laugh at how disproportionately balanced all these books - too close together they became….
It’s been MARCH MADNESS MONTH.
Perhaps I can get a March Memoir rebate—
….a partial refund from having over invested my time from narratives composed of so much personal experience?
I think I can honestly say I’ve gone above and beyond my call of duty in the memoir department.
This specific review is a ‘duo-combo’…of two such books read during the month of March…
It’s been…..
Pills, depression, drugs, smoking, suicide, mental illness, grief, vomiting, neglect, abuse, missing persons, missing a beloved mentally unwell sister, abandonment, loss, death, sadness, parental nightmares, crappy marriages, loneliness, things hard to say, divorces, stigmatized schizophrenia, engagements, borderline personality disorders, broken hearts, every psychological and psychiatric disorder, chronic illnesses,
religious beliefs, meditation, spiritual awakenings, hopelessness, healing, hoping, eggs donated, never getting to say goodbye, unresolved situations, death acceptance, death desire, cancer, hospital stays, being restrained while in a hospital bed, loneliness, no boyfriends, divorces, annoying children, annoying mothers, annoying families, accusatory feisty accusations sexual assault, rape, covid, financial struggles, widows, nice Jewish men, diagnosed hypochondriacs, smart mothers, not smart mothers, menstruation, racial injustice, political nightmares, war, fake Social Security numbers fake families, fake names, runaways, maternity leaves, unwanted pregnancies, abortions, an astonishing a number of miserable people, crimes, murder, therapy sessions, tall people, short people, people with every single color eyes and hair imaginable, tattoo people, panic attacks. girls who had been beaten by their parents,
adolescence struggles, righteous people, secrets,
retail, therapy music, art therapy, rage, filthy whores, filthy housekeeping,
eating disorders, school drop outs, social punishments, rainbow colored boots, rebels, lies, moody pouty complex compelling human stories and god knows what else!
Each of the following books were interesting- heartfelt- honest in their own points of view and self expression—
sometimes fascinating, sometimes exhaustingly enough…..
but both books were real - have value…..
who am I to say a persons memoir is anything less than their own extraordinary humanity….
The month of April is around the corner — March-Memoir-Madness-Month….
is coming to a climax…
rumor has it….
‘Once Upon a time’ stories and other genres are making a comeback!
Truth: …..
FINAL THOUGHTS….
“The Perfect Other”….
Audiobook….10 hours and 32 minutes
read by the author Kyleigh Leddy
is not without flaws, a little too long, …. but is written with sincerity, passion, and love….
“Never Simple”, written by Liz Scheier
Audiobook narrated Amy Landon
…..8 hours and 27 minutes
was heartbreaking and hilarious ….. written well….honest and compassionate.
4 stars for both books.
March 16, 2022
Rating 4
This was a well written memoir that held my interest the whole way through. I feel terrible for what the author went through but loved how honest her writing felt. It truly feels like she wants to share her sister's story in order to bring awareness and help others. It’s never easy talking about a loved one after they are gone and in this case Kyleigh never received closure about what truly happened to her sister on the day she disappeared. She never got to say goodbye or ask her sister for forgiveness. Kyleigh blames herself for not noticing her sister’s illness sooner even though she was just a child/teenager. I think we always feel as though there is more we could/should have done. She mentions certain situations that could have played a bigger role in her sister’s illness and how she wishes she paid attention to them.
Not only does this book share her sister’s struggle with schizophrenia it is also filled with statistics and relevant facts. While I felt like some of the statistics were not necessary and took away from some overall parts I do understand why she included them. Overall, I thought this book was good, hard to read at times due to the content but i would recommend it. It’s important for everyone to read about mental health to help us all understand it.
This was a well written memoir that held my interest the whole way through. I feel terrible for what the author went through but loved how honest her writing felt. It truly feels like she wants to share her sister's story in order to bring awareness and help others. It’s never easy talking about a loved one after they are gone and in this case Kyleigh never received closure about what truly happened to her sister on the day she disappeared. She never got to say goodbye or ask her sister for forgiveness. Kyleigh blames herself for not noticing her sister’s illness sooner even though she was just a child/teenager. I think we always feel as though there is more we could/should have done. She mentions certain situations that could have played a bigger role in her sister’s illness and how she wishes she paid attention to them.
Not only does this book share her sister’s struggle with schizophrenia it is also filled with statistics and relevant facts. While I felt like some of the statistics were not necessary and took away from some overall parts I do understand why she included them. Overall, I thought this book was good, hard to read at times due to the content but i would recommend it. It’s important for everyone to read about mental health to help us all understand it.
August 5, 2023
One of the few memoirs of mental illness told from another family member’s perspective that I’ve enjoyed. The author is talented and insightful, and the analysis of the science/psychology make this separate it from other memoirs.
March 31, 2022
The Perfect Other 💭
Thank you @marinerbooks and @harperaudio for the gifted arc and alc.
This memoir is Kyleigh’s personal account of her big sister’s battle with mental illness that ultimately leads to a disappearance.
The author delicately navigates a thorough look inside her difficult but loving relationship with her sister and how she moves through the grief of losing her.
Leddy is a talented writer and listening to her narrate on audio was heartbreaking and beautiful. In 2019, she won The NY Times Modern Love college essay contest, which ultimately led to this book.
Although my loss is different from Leddy there was much she said that resonated with me and I particularly loved the second half of this book for that reason. Our lost loved ones live on in us and all around us.
“While your world screeched to a halt, the rest of society continued on. In all your loneliness, you have never felt more alone than this.”
I pray this brought you some comfort, Kyleigh. You’ve given many readers a gift. Your love for your sister shines bright.
Thank you @marinerbooks and @harperaudio for the gifted arc and alc.
This memoir is Kyleigh’s personal account of her big sister’s battle with mental illness that ultimately leads to a disappearance.
The author delicately navigates a thorough look inside her difficult but loving relationship with her sister and how she moves through the grief of losing her.
Leddy is a talented writer and listening to her narrate on audio was heartbreaking and beautiful. In 2019, she won The NY Times Modern Love college essay contest, which ultimately led to this book.
Although my loss is different from Leddy there was much she said that resonated with me and I particularly loved the second half of this book for that reason. Our lost loved ones live on in us and all around us.
“While your world screeched to a halt, the rest of society continued on. In all your loneliness, you have never felt more alone than this.”
I pray this brought you some comfort, Kyleigh. You’ve given many readers a gift. Your love for your sister shines bright.
November 11, 2024
I fell in love with Kyleigh Leddy’s writing when I read her winning submission to the New York Times Modern Love college essay contest called “Years ago, my sister vanished. I see her whenever I want.” This book dives deeper into what her essay talked about, which was the painful disappearance of her older sister Kait in 2014. I read this book during a med school block in which we discussed various mental illnesses, including schizophrenia, and reading this memoir alongside learning the classroom material was deeply felt. The story was heartbreaking, but the way Kyleigh writes is so beautiful, I found myself slowing down my reading pace because I didn’t want to be done. Not sure what she’s working on next, but if she’s writing it I’m reading it.
March 1, 2022
via my blog: https://bookstalkerblog.wordpress.com/
𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐲 𝐞𝐱𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐦𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐮𝐧𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞.
Families are often at a complete loss in knowing how to help a child with mental illness, I think sometimes (often actually) people ignore the signs or put all their faith in one evaluation that misses the mark. It is a relief, to go along as though nothing is wrong, it’s just a strong or fiery personality. This is often how we fail each other. Fear is a driving force, this is why people try to explain away the obvious until symptoms get out of hand, and every one is dealing with disaster. The most rotten part of all, the person who actually has to deal with the illness in their mind has no guidance, no help. People often look away from the person who is drowning, it’s not always out of cruelty, but the terror of not knowing how to help. The stigma, because of course it still exists with mental illness, look at all the understanding for say, autism (neurodevelopmental disorder); I can tell you despite all the bumper stickers and ribbons, people aren’t as understanding and non-judgmental as society would have you believe. Schizophrenia is a terrifying diagnosis for many, even with the best treatment, best intentions, all the available resources and money, a lot isn’t understood. Many people fear mental illness and are reluctant to see their child labeled. It isn’t easy to weigh and measure your own child, their stability.
Kyleigh Leddy loved her sister, ‘lived in her footsteps’, but lost her to mental illness in a devastating act days before Kyleigh turned seventeen. One must remember while reading this memoir that she was only a teenager, and not an expert in mental health. It’s terrifying living in the claws of disease, and feeling helpless to rescue your loved one. It’s a double edged sword with mental health because the behavior is hard to comprehend, there is often love entangled with resentment. Kait was highly intelligent, mature, a force who was robbed of so much life. As Kyleigh confides, their childhood was swaddled, protected from ‘the hard edges of life’. Even in such families, you can fail to see the fault lines. Sometimes living in the story, you miss so much, until you can go back and reexamine the past.
A child that pushes boundaries may well just be strong willed. Who is to assume it’s a sign of mental illness? Certainly Kyleigh later discovered her mother worried ceaselessly over Kait, but so do many parents, children are different. Not all ‘wild antics’ make mental illness. How can you recognize warnings you’ve never had experience with? We all have our eccentricities and peculiarities, especially highly intelligent people. Just where is the line? When did the moment arrive that foretold the mental disturbances in Kait? What would have prevented her jump off the bridge? How did they all fail her? There are just as many stories of people who were told time and again there is no mental illness or it’s behavioral only. A discipline problem, and sometimes that is the case. Doctors don’t always see the signs either and are hesitant to label.
It is a hard book to read so certainly it must have been very hard to write for Kyleigh. It’s easy to imagine yourself as a savior in other people’s stories, how you would have done this, or prevented that. It’s all untrue. We fail people so often in our own lives, unintentionally. We have our blind spots, every single one of us. Even parents who go through the ‘proper’ channels and push to diagnose and go to treatments. I am not any smarter myself for helping my son through autism challenges, I am no hero, I can look back and see how I could have done this or that better and I had supports in place. Life can turn on a dime. Living with any health struggle (mental, or otherwise) is trial and error, none of us are experts, what works for one won’t work for another and it’s because we are individuals. There are just as many families who fight to get their loved ones to proper doctors, services and are failed (rich or not). You can be all in and still, progress isn’t happening. There are no quick fixes, it is a lifelong journey. There are people who refuse help and those who have tried to take the meds or therapies. Meds themselves cause symptoms, that you can’t ignore and fail to understand why a patient may give up on them. I hear so many people say, ‘well why did they stop taking their meds’? As if they have ever had to cope with the symptoms, or live in another’s headspace or try to rally the energy and money and time to care for someone. I learned a long time ago watching my grandmother and family with my uncle’s schizophrenia that there are no easy answers. It’s so easy to look at the mistakes others made in hindsight. Even armed with expertise, there are mistakes. Was it the head injury that caused everything for Kait? It’s plausible.
One of the wisest lines, “It would be an injustice not to acknowledge how hard it is to care for someone when they are both suffering and inflicting suffering onto you.” Support is necessary for every family member. You can’t help another if you are overwhelmed and hurting yourself. We are not superhumans, nor saints. I think this is an important read, if another’s experience can help you spot the signs, or relate to their emotional experience then it should be welcomed. Both sisters have different experiences with mental illness, it disrupted both of their lives, and sadly it stole Kait’s future. If a family member struggles with any disease or health issue, they all have to cope with it, in varying degrees.
Moving, heartbreaking.
Publication Date: March 15, 2022
Mariner Books
𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐲 𝐞𝐱𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐦𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐮𝐧𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞.
Families are often at a complete loss in knowing how to help a child with mental illness, I think sometimes (often actually) people ignore the signs or put all their faith in one evaluation that misses the mark. It is a relief, to go along as though nothing is wrong, it’s just a strong or fiery personality. This is often how we fail each other. Fear is a driving force, this is why people try to explain away the obvious until symptoms get out of hand, and every one is dealing with disaster. The most rotten part of all, the person who actually has to deal with the illness in their mind has no guidance, no help. People often look away from the person who is drowning, it’s not always out of cruelty, but the terror of not knowing how to help. The stigma, because of course it still exists with mental illness, look at all the understanding for say, autism (neurodevelopmental disorder); I can tell you despite all the bumper stickers and ribbons, people aren’t as understanding and non-judgmental as society would have you believe. Schizophrenia is a terrifying diagnosis for many, even with the best treatment, best intentions, all the available resources and money, a lot isn’t understood. Many people fear mental illness and are reluctant to see their child labeled. It isn’t easy to weigh and measure your own child, their stability.
Kyleigh Leddy loved her sister, ‘lived in her footsteps’, but lost her to mental illness in a devastating act days before Kyleigh turned seventeen. One must remember while reading this memoir that she was only a teenager, and not an expert in mental health. It’s terrifying living in the claws of disease, and feeling helpless to rescue your loved one. It’s a double edged sword with mental health because the behavior is hard to comprehend, there is often love entangled with resentment. Kait was highly intelligent, mature, a force who was robbed of so much life. As Kyleigh confides, their childhood was swaddled, protected from ‘the hard edges of life’. Even in such families, you can fail to see the fault lines. Sometimes living in the story, you miss so much, until you can go back and reexamine the past.
A child that pushes boundaries may well just be strong willed. Who is to assume it’s a sign of mental illness? Certainly Kyleigh later discovered her mother worried ceaselessly over Kait, but so do many parents, children are different. Not all ‘wild antics’ make mental illness. How can you recognize warnings you’ve never had experience with? We all have our eccentricities and peculiarities, especially highly intelligent people. Just where is the line? When did the moment arrive that foretold the mental disturbances in Kait? What would have prevented her jump off the bridge? How did they all fail her? There are just as many stories of people who were told time and again there is no mental illness or it’s behavioral only. A discipline problem, and sometimes that is the case. Doctors don’t always see the signs either and are hesitant to label.
It is a hard book to read so certainly it must have been very hard to write for Kyleigh. It’s easy to imagine yourself as a savior in other people’s stories, how you would have done this, or prevented that. It’s all untrue. We fail people so often in our own lives, unintentionally. We have our blind spots, every single one of us. Even parents who go through the ‘proper’ channels and push to diagnose and go to treatments. I am not any smarter myself for helping my son through autism challenges, I am no hero, I can look back and see how I could have done this or that better and I had supports in place. Life can turn on a dime. Living with any health struggle (mental, or otherwise) is trial and error, none of us are experts, what works for one won’t work for another and it’s because we are individuals. There are just as many families who fight to get their loved ones to proper doctors, services and are failed (rich or not). You can be all in and still, progress isn’t happening. There are no quick fixes, it is a lifelong journey. There are people who refuse help and those who have tried to take the meds or therapies. Meds themselves cause symptoms, that you can’t ignore and fail to understand why a patient may give up on them. I hear so many people say, ‘well why did they stop taking their meds’? As if they have ever had to cope with the symptoms, or live in another’s headspace or try to rally the energy and money and time to care for someone. I learned a long time ago watching my grandmother and family with my uncle’s schizophrenia that there are no easy answers. It’s so easy to look at the mistakes others made in hindsight. Even armed with expertise, there are mistakes. Was it the head injury that caused everything for Kait? It’s plausible.
One of the wisest lines, “It would be an injustice not to acknowledge how hard it is to care for someone when they are both suffering and inflicting suffering onto you.” Support is necessary for every family member. You can’t help another if you are overwhelmed and hurting yourself. We are not superhumans, nor saints. I think this is an important read, if another’s experience can help you spot the signs, or relate to their emotional experience then it should be welcomed. Both sisters have different experiences with mental illness, it disrupted both of their lives, and sadly it stole Kait’s future. If a family member struggles with any disease or health issue, they all have to cope with it, in varying degrees.
Moving, heartbreaking.
Publication Date: March 15, 2022
Mariner Books
October 17, 2022
The book is about the author's sister, six years older, and their relationship. It's about sisterhood, grief, mental illness, and love. It's about her sister's struggle with mental health and how it escalated into head traumas and schizophrenia. The author looks back and tries to get a perspective on all the signs she didn't see and when her sister's behavioral issues really started. Eventually, her sister committed suicide, so it's about grief.
This is a heartbreaking yet inspiring story. The author wrote about her family so beautifully. Her story was so compelling and sad but also hopeful. There's so much love in this book. I loved this passage that read, "My sister's sanity slipped slowly and quietly the way you lose a train of thought or slide into a dream at night, there and then not. She lost her edge little by little, an avalanche that picks up one rock and then another. A steady progression, and then in a flash, a tragedy. Uncontrollable. Too late."
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://www.momsdonthavetimetoreadboo...
This is a heartbreaking yet inspiring story. The author wrote about her family so beautifully. Her story was so compelling and sad but also hopeful. There's so much love in this book. I loved this passage that read, "My sister's sanity slipped slowly and quietly the way you lose a train of thought or slide into a dream at night, there and then not. She lost her edge little by little, an avalanche that picks up one rock and then another. A steady progression, and then in a flash, a tragedy. Uncontrollable. Too late."
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://www.momsdonthavetimetoreadboo...
November 9, 2021
It would be easy to summarize The Perfect Other as a memoir about experiencing a sister's battle with mental illness, and it would be true. But even with the author's deep clinical knowledge of schizophrenia (driven by her own research and experiences), it's really about love and how fiercely it persists.
Like Kyleigh Leddy and her sister, Kait (whom she describes as "exuberantly bright," "confident and hilarious and at least five years ahead of every trend" - the kind of person people can't help but write books about), my sister and I are five years apart. The Perfect Other pushed me to imagine what my life would have looked like if, through some accident of biology or neurochemistry or maybe even just few bad concussions, my beloved sister changed into someone I didn't recognize, someone dizzying and unpredictable and capable of violence - but deep down, still in there, fighting with voices for space inside her own head. What we and the world would have lost if she'd ultimately felt hopeless and overpowered enough to end her life at 22.
I'm astonished that Leddy - who won the NYT's Modern Love college essay contest in 2019 - is only in her mid-twenties. Her reflections not just on her own experiences but on the human condition are beautifully written and hauntingly accurate. Consider this description of interactions with classmates and teachers after her sister has gone missing, presumed dead:
"This is an essential lesson: The indifference of the world ... People will say, 'I can't imagine what you're going through.' What they won't say is, 'I don't want to.' You know this is a necessary, albeit unfortunate, limitation of human empathy: If society stopped to embrace the full scope of every loss, it would cease to function - no mail, no grocery delivery, no economy. We would be in a constant state of mourning, but to be grieving and watch the world continue on is the cruelest outrage."
Yes, this is heartbreakingly true - but by telling this story in such a raw and honest way, she makes Kait real and forces the reader beyond indifference. The care she catalyzes starts out as specific to Kait, but later expands to many others. You can't read this book and not feel grief and empathy and love.
I devoured this book in a few hours. There were a few occasions where Leddy's writing started to feel repetitive or rambling (more like a journal entry than a memoir), but this isn't surprising considering the subject matter - while we'd like to think of mental illness as tidy, as linear and predictable, it's anything but and I think this is a reflection of that. And while she does an impressive job of acknowledging Kait's and her family's relative privilege, I was struck by the use of "gypped" as a slur.
Overall, I'm glad the world has Leddy as a writer. I'll be thinking about her, her mother, and Kait for a long time.
Thanks to Mariner Books (formerly HMH Books) for my ARC.
Like Kyleigh Leddy and her sister, Kait (whom she describes as "exuberantly bright," "confident and hilarious and at least five years ahead of every trend" - the kind of person people can't help but write books about), my sister and I are five years apart. The Perfect Other pushed me to imagine what my life would have looked like if, through some accident of biology or neurochemistry or maybe even just few bad concussions, my beloved sister changed into someone I didn't recognize, someone dizzying and unpredictable and capable of violence - but deep down, still in there, fighting with voices for space inside her own head. What we and the world would have lost if she'd ultimately felt hopeless and overpowered enough to end her life at 22.
I'm astonished that Leddy - who won the NYT's Modern Love college essay contest in 2019 - is only in her mid-twenties. Her reflections not just on her own experiences but on the human condition are beautifully written and hauntingly accurate. Consider this description of interactions with classmates and teachers after her sister has gone missing, presumed dead:
"This is an essential lesson: The indifference of the world ... People will say, 'I can't imagine what you're going through.' What they won't say is, 'I don't want to.' You know this is a necessary, albeit unfortunate, limitation of human empathy: If society stopped to embrace the full scope of every loss, it would cease to function - no mail, no grocery delivery, no economy. We would be in a constant state of mourning, but to be grieving and watch the world continue on is the cruelest outrage."
Yes, this is heartbreakingly true - but by telling this story in such a raw and honest way, she makes Kait real and forces the reader beyond indifference. The care she catalyzes starts out as specific to Kait, but later expands to many others. You can't read this book and not feel grief and empathy and love.
I devoured this book in a few hours. There were a few occasions where Leddy's writing started to feel repetitive or rambling (more like a journal entry than a memoir), but this isn't surprising considering the subject matter - while we'd like to think of mental illness as tidy, as linear and predictable, it's anything but and I think this is a reflection of that. And while she does an impressive job of acknowledging Kait's and her family's relative privilege, I was struck by the use of "gypped" as a slur.
Overall, I'm glad the world has Leddy as a writer. I'll be thinking about her, her mother, and Kait for a long time.
Thanks to Mariner Books (formerly HMH Books) for my ARC.
February 7, 2022
I received this as an ARC through Goodreads giveaways and it is a powerful story. It sheds light on schizophrenia, which is so stigmatized and not well understood by the general public. Leddy’s writing is superb and the second half of the book is so amazing as she describes her grief and how she moves on with her life and heals from her trauma.
April 11, 2022
Author tries to be woke and tries to be an author. She didn’t have to add a lot of the extras that described random buildings/places. “Dust on the shelf”
It was like she was trying too hard. And trying to hard to be inclusive and include woke commentary - but only when she remembered. I think this would have been a great book if she wrote from the heart
It was like she was trying too hard. And trying to hard to be inclusive and include woke commentary - but only when she remembered. I think this would have been a great book if she wrote from the heart
August 15, 2024
I saw a tiktok of the modern love NYT essay that grew into this book, and i’m so glad i decided to read it. It’s a beautiful mix of memories and psychology, and presents research in a very digestible way. It reminds me of A Summer To Die by Lois Lowrie, which is one of my favorite books, and is also about a younger sister watching their idolized older sister deteriorate.
August 19, 2023
I picked a very hard read for my first book back from my reading hiatus 😅
March 15, 2022
The Perfect Other by Kyleigh Leddy ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Kyleigh writes her true story experience of growing up with an older sister with schizophrenia.
Talking about mental health is important and there’s been a push for it lately. While it’s fairly normal these days to discuss depression and anxiety, illnesses such as schizophrenia as still taboo. With her memoir, Kyleigh aims to bring schizophrenia to the conversation. She did a great job showing us what it is like to love someone with the Illness. A lot of the gritty details weren’t laid out, which I appreciated because it could overtake the meaningfulness of the story. This was an interesting viewpoint, as Kyleigh was coming of age watching her sister’s struggles. I also loved how the author not only spoke from her experience, but was also sure to remind the reader several times that not everyone has access to healthcare; not everyone is comfortable calling the police for help, not everyone is in a position of privilege and how that can affect treatment of mental illness.
“We had everything, and her everything would still collapse. It wasn’t enough. And if our foundation couldn’t save us, then whose can? Who stands a chance against mental illness?”
“My sister was the kind of girl people write books about. I was the kind of girl who read such books, who listened to such songs and wondered how a spark in one person could light a flame in many others.”
The Perfect Other came out yesterday, 3/14.
Kyleigh writes her true story experience of growing up with an older sister with schizophrenia.
Talking about mental health is important and there’s been a push for it lately. While it’s fairly normal these days to discuss depression and anxiety, illnesses such as schizophrenia as still taboo. With her memoir, Kyleigh aims to bring schizophrenia to the conversation. She did a great job showing us what it is like to love someone with the Illness. A lot of the gritty details weren’t laid out, which I appreciated because it could overtake the meaningfulness of the story. This was an interesting viewpoint, as Kyleigh was coming of age watching her sister’s struggles. I also loved how the author not only spoke from her experience, but was also sure to remind the reader several times that not everyone has access to healthcare; not everyone is comfortable calling the police for help, not everyone is in a position of privilege and how that can affect treatment of mental illness.
“We had everything, and her everything would still collapse. It wasn’t enough. And if our foundation couldn’t save us, then whose can? Who stands a chance against mental illness?”
“My sister was the kind of girl people write books about. I was the kind of girl who read such books, who listened to such songs and wondered how a spark in one person could light a flame in many others.”
The Perfect Other came out yesterday, 3/14.
February 3, 2022
Oh look, another absolutely devastating family memoir.
The only thing 6-year-old Kait Leddy wanted in life was a sister. When Kyleigh finally arrived, the two were inseparable—until Kait hit adolescence, suffered head injuries, and started to change in scary ways. She was eventually diagnosed with schizophrenia and lived a volatile life in and out of healthcare facilities while Kyleigh watched on with a mix of fear and annoyance. The day after Kait disappeared, Kyleigh went to school, expecting it to be another incident they would move past. But that didn’t happen. Kait was last seen crossing a bridge, but never on the other side. A body was never found.
The Perfect Other is a beautiful book about grief and loving someone who is mentally ill. Leddy’s work as a mental health advocate, especially with psychotic disorders, makes this an even more powerful book.
✨ From Mental Health Memoirs From the Sidelines at Crooked Reads.
“You wish there was an adequate term for what you are—like orphan or widower—a term that says ‘I once meant something to somebody.’”
The only thing 6-year-old Kait Leddy wanted in life was a sister. When Kyleigh finally arrived, the two were inseparable—until Kait hit adolescence, suffered head injuries, and started to change in scary ways. She was eventually diagnosed with schizophrenia and lived a volatile life in and out of healthcare facilities while Kyleigh watched on with a mix of fear and annoyance. The day after Kait disappeared, Kyleigh went to school, expecting it to be another incident they would move past. But that didn’t happen. Kait was last seen crossing a bridge, but never on the other side. A body was never found.
The Perfect Other is a beautiful book about grief and loving someone who is mentally ill. Leddy’s work as a mental health advocate, especially with psychotic disorders, makes this an even more powerful book.
✨ From Mental Health Memoirs From the Sidelines at Crooked Reads.
January 24, 2022
“I thought I was writing this to make my sister’s life matter, but it already does”, Leddy writes. This ARC was a GR giveaway; thanks so much to Harper Collins for it. Content warnings for this book include schizophrenia, mental illness, and suicide. Kyleigh Leddy did a remarkable job recounting her sister Kait’s difficult battle with schizophrenia, and how that and Kait’s assumed suicide impacted her and her family’s lives. In the acknowledgments she frankly admits how difficult it was to relive all of it, which for readers I think is always important in connecting and relating to an author. She writes that she “wished to use writing and the study of psychology to illuminate misconceptions about mental illness”, and she did just that. I did feel, however, that there was a bit too much jumping around the timeline of events. It was often hard to follow as a result. In that light, there was often 2 or 3 separate stories being told at once. I also wonder why this is being referred to as a memoir; because while it is for much of the book, a large chunk talks more about grief and the specifics around schizophrenia and mental illness. All in all, I’m glad Leddy shared it all with us.
March 2, 2022
Honestly, this story sounds like most second-person accounts of “mental illness”: Supposedly “beloved” young or middle-aged person is eventually labeled by their family as a major “problem”, despite their ability to maintain good relationships in work or school settings; Key family members (parents, breadwinners, etc.) deny all responsibility for making sure the home environment is safe for EVERYONE and use psychiatry to contain their “problem” family member, conveniently ignoring that EVERY psychiatric diagnosis cites interpersonal stress as a pathogen; Family breaks the “deal” it sets with its scapegoat (Get “help” and we’ll start treating you like a human being again.) and life gets worse for everyone; Scapegoat dies early - in this case, VERY early - and family rewrites history.
Seriously, I hope Kait is actually alive somewhere FAR from her family, living under a new identity and quietly building the loving, stable, and authentic life she was never allowed to have with her family.
Seriously, I hope Kait is actually alive somewhere FAR from her family, living under a new identity and quietly building the loving, stable, and authentic life she was never allowed to have with her family.
November 22, 2021
3.5 stars
The author, Kyliegh Leddy, is only in her twenties but she writes beautifully about her sister who suffered so tragically with mental illness. Her vivacious sister started slowly exhibiting the warning signs of schizophrenia throughout her teens but quickly fell into the throes of full-blown mental illness after a head injury. The author, who is several years younger, and her stoic mother were left to deal with an increasingly violent situation. I found this terrifying and tragic and lovingly written. I do think it could have been edited down as it sometimes felt overwritten and the best parts were when her sentences were clear, sparse and haunting. I definitely see the potential in this young author and will make sure to follow her career. I received a digital ARC of this book through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
The author, Kyliegh Leddy, is only in her twenties but she writes beautifully about her sister who suffered so tragically with mental illness. Her vivacious sister started slowly exhibiting the warning signs of schizophrenia throughout her teens but quickly fell into the throes of full-blown mental illness after a head injury. The author, who is several years younger, and her stoic mother were left to deal with an increasingly violent situation. I found this terrifying and tragic and lovingly written. I do think it could have been edited down as it sometimes felt overwritten and the best parts were when her sentences were clear, sparse and haunting. I definitely see the potential in this young author and will make sure to follow her career. I received a digital ARC of this book through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
December 20, 2021
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
I had a hard time getting through about the first 30% of this book but after that, I feel like it got much more interesting. The close bond between these two sisters is amazing when they were both young children. It's incredibly sad how schizophrenia took away most of that bond piece by piece but it never totally took the bond. The lack of closure is definitely a difficult thing to accept.
I had a hard time getting through about the first 30% of this book but after that, I feel like it got much more interesting. The close bond between these two sisters is amazing when they were both young children. It's incredibly sad how schizophrenia took away most of that bond piece by piece but it never totally took the bond. The lack of closure is definitely a difficult thing to accept.
November 26, 2021
This is a potentially very helpful book for those trying to understand mental illness in a friend or family member, particularly paranoid schizophrenia. The author switches back and forth between memories of her sister and a pretty advanced medical understanding of the disease. The last few chapters were very poignant and I wiped away some tears, but really appreciate this perspective.
Want to read
December 22, 2021So excited to read Kyleigh!!!!!!
January 12, 2022
Amazing. Eye opening. Inspiring. Kyleigh takes us through her life in a way I’ve never read before.
Read
April 5, 2023"You were a sister for 17 years, and take to rounding up by 3 days. You were born a sister, willed into existence a sister. You borrowed clothes, and shared rooms, and beds, and secrets, and heartbreaks. You held hands, built sandcastles. [...] You used to be a siphon for secrets, but now you swallow them whole. [...] You've screamed I hate you, slammed doors, cried, wished you weren't as sister at all. You've giggled, 'I love you,' spilled tears from being tickled so hard it pained you. You wish there was an adequate term for what you are, like orphan or widower. A term that says, 'I once meant something to somebody.' When you were a little girl, you went mute from lack of need, but now you are mute with grief."
February 2, 2023
Brave memoir filled with heartfelt memories shared by Leddy regarding her sister's life and the devastating effects of schizophrenia. I enjoyed the scientific components juxtaposed with the raw, personal anecdotes throughout the book. Having two extended family members affected with schizophrenia, I am hopeful this book will help lessen the stigma of mental illness and create more compassion and understanding of a difficult disease.
February 6, 2023
A beautifully written memoir by a sister of a woman who suffered from schizophrenia and ultimately took her life by jumping from a bridge. The story is heart wrenching and maddening at times reading her sister’s struggles, numerous hospitalizations and being shuttled through the US dysfunctional healthcare system. The descriptions of grief, loss and guilt are moving.
February 18, 2025
This story is one of the most personal, heart wrenching, emotional, intelligent, beautifully written works I’ve ever read. I am at a loss of words for the way Kyleigh captured, in such incredible detail, the story of her and her sister and her family. It’s a true masterpiece and I couldn’t stop reading.
May 6, 2022
Kyleigh’s narrative of her and her sister’s story is beautifully written. She touches on the physical, emotional, and mental aspects of what it is like to watch someone close to you struggle, how their struggle affects the support system around them, and the grieving process that comes after a loss. This book sheds light on the stigma around mental illness, opening the conversation to suggest more empathy instead of fear for those suffering. While tough to read at points, Kyleigh’s memoir is equal parts heartbreaking and inspiring.
June 27, 2022
Simply could not put this book down and finished in one day. Such a beautiful, well-written, and empowering testimony of one family’s struggle with mental health and subsequent period of grieving. Could not recommend this enough!
October 2, 2022
Before I read this book, I honestly didn’t know a lot (or much at all) about schizophrenia or the experiences some families have with a loved one who is schizophrenic. This was eye-opening and heart-breaking in that respect, but also in the way the author writes as a little sister, worshipful of her big sibling. That hit me hard. This could be anyone.
July 31, 2022
Tragic and sad, but I’m glad that I read it.
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