Why Do I Feel Like This?: Understand Your Difficult Emotions and Find Grace to Move Through

by Peace Amadi

"Why do I feel this way?" Sometimes life is a mess and we get overwhelmed by all sorts of conflicting, difficult emotions. We might be stressed or weary, anxious or fearful, paralyzed by insecurity or crushed by pain. Worse yet, some well-meaning people invalidate our feelings and tell us to just cheer up and forget our worries. Rather than bypass the reality of our feelings, we need to enter into them and listen to what they're telling us. Psychology professor and personal development coach Dr. Peace Amadi helps us navigate the complexity of our emotions, from discouragement and hurt to trauma and depression. She explains the dynamics underlying what we feel and gives practical resources for living through our emotions in healthy ways. With insights from both psychology and Scripture, this book offers you a clear plan to get your peace and freedom back and find your joy again.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Christian Non Fiction, Christian Living

224 pages, Paperback

Published May 25, 2021

About the author

Peace Amadi is a psychology professor, speaker, children's book author, content creator, and host. She holds a BA in psychology from UCLA and a masters and doctorate in psychology from Azusa Pacific University. As a woman of faith, she uses her various platforms to bridge the gap between mental health and faith for the purposes of engaging a deeper healing journey. As a woman of Nigerian descent, she calls for reflection on how healing is affected by culture and family. In Peace's personal time, she enjoys creating meaningful moments with friends and family, sweet iced coffees, and digging up stories she'll find some new way to share.

Reviews

[Sheri Pritchett · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was raised in the church and I have had to deal with having mental health issues for most of my life. As a Christian, growing up, I was taught that if your faith in God was strong enough or if you were praying hard enough, those issues should not be there. This led me to a life full of shame, guilt, fear and not receiving the help that I needed when I needed it. I wish I would have had this book as a young adult, so that it could have saved me a lot of time beating myself up and realizing that God and mental health care go hand in hand. Dr. Amadi does a beautiful job breaking down the varied reasons we struggle and how God is there to help us, not condemn us. I am now a middle-aged woman, and it gave me a lot of clarity on some issues that I wrestle with. I have read a lot of books throughout the years to aide me in my healing. This is by far, one of the best when it comes to healing from your past. This is a book I will definitely recommend and buy for others to read.

[Kelly Hodgkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

By the time I hit the 10% mark in “Why Do I Feel Like This?”, by Peace Amadi, I knew I’d love the book but I couldn’t rush it! This is deep, hard work, thought-provoking and challenging. Each chapter explores thoroughly one element of mental health and emotional well-being. It is not a “band-aid on a bullet wound” approach, but a holistic, soulful one, written from personal experience and with professional wisdom.

“This expectation [that experiencing person in emotion pain can snap out of it] can lead to a sort of spiritual gaslighting where the reality and gravity of someone’s pain is met with a subtle message that says if you really walked with God, or if you really had enough faith, you wouldn’t be feeling this way. Again, we deserve better.”
Integrating her understanding of psychology with faith, Peace eloquently unpacks big topics such as spiritual bypassing, grief, depression, anxiety, confidence, courage and self-worth. Each is explained, held in her hands and valued, and then ways to move forward are offered. I especially appreciated her definitions, which left me chewing over them and reflecting on them for days.

“Now, worry does have its place. It’s a catalyst for problem solving in situations that truly need a solution,”
This isn’t a prescription to “get well” but an outstretched hand offering help on a journey. Reading this book challenged me but I highly recommend it! It’s a five out five on the enJOYment scale

I received a complimentary copy of the book from InterVarsity Press through NetGalley. The opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's an excellent compendium of psychological theories with a focus on relationships and specifically how actions or core beliefs from our past direct our current day relationships. It includes a lot of biblical references, but even if you aren't particularly religious there is a lot to take away and the religious tones don't overshadow the entire text. In fact, it was very refreshing to see a dispelling of the notion that "everything happens for a reason", which is a concept I struggle with personally.

This book covers a lot of core psychological concepts and theories which makes it easy for anyone to pick up and discover a little something about themselves. It also reads in a familiar and casual voice, with relatable terms, situations, and references, which I appreciate over stuffy, clinical language that can sometimes lead to inaccessibility.

It includes some great tools, tables, and charts to assessing core beliefs and delving into the "why". I caught my daughter picking it up and although she's a little young for it now, I can definitely see it being a useful tool for anyone coming of age, going through a life-changing event, or just wanting to have a deeper understanding of the human experience.

[Kelsey Stallter · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am always skeptical of books that are written by Christian authors and address mental health challenges or emotions. This is due to the fact that I’ve seen many Christian authors tell people that they need to “have more faith” and “not be angry, sad, irritated, etc”. But this book surprised me and I really enjoyed it! There are a lot of things in this book I already know due to my profession and education but the author did a great job of explaining emotions and mental health diagnoses.

[Robyn Hernandez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Do you ever feel like your faith is at war with your emotions? This book is the reconciliation between Christian faith and the stigma of mental health. “Why Do I Feel Like This?” provides foundational Christian beliefs coupled with personal stories to foster an understanding of what it is to inhale life and exhale grace. Dr.Amadi invites you to learn how to accept being a child of God and a human on earth concurrently without losing one’s self.

[Kristi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is fantastic! Its so insightful! I learned so much about myself! If you are suffering from anxiety, depression, or just want to understand yourself better this is the book for you! It's been seriously life changing for me. I seriously loved this book!

[Panda Incognito · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been looking forward to this book for months, and it was just as excellent and helpful as I had hoped. Why Do I Feel Like This? is a well-organized, wise, and encouraging exploration of common emotional issues and how Christians can respond to them. Dr. Peace Amadi is a psychology professor and mental health expert, and throughout this book, she shares personal stories and testimonies from previous clients, illustrating common struggles in a specific and meaningful way. Reading this book is like hearing from a wise mentor, and even though a single book cannot address every life struggle or mental health issue, Amadi provides a holistic roadmap towards wholeness and health.

Topical Coverage

At the beginning of the book, Amadi warns against "the danger of spiritual bypassing," encouraging Christians to face their struggles instead of bypassing their pain through platitudes or biblical teachings that are completely true, but don't work as band-aids. She challenges her readers to face difficult life realities, struggle through them, and grow, and throughout the book, she does an incredible job of integrating Christian belief with current psychological understandings about thoughts, emotions, and mental health struggles. She writes about the impact of negative core beliefs and the importance of replacing them with truth, and she topically explores trauma, hurt, discouragement, anxiety, sadness, grief, depression, envy, and shame. At the end, she also includes a chapter with practical advice about when, how, and why to pursue therapy.

Audience

Amadi writes from deep expertise and experience, writes with nuance and clarity, and invites a wide audience while still adequately addressing people on different parts of the mental health spectrum. Whether someone has been in therapy for a mental health issue for years, or is just feeling lonely and stressed right now, this book can speak to them and encourage them in their specific circumstances. Even if someone's presenting problem never comes up in this book, they can still benefit from its holistic perspective, recognizing how harmful core beliefs or issues such as discouragement are also affecting them. Also, readers with emotional struggles and life baggage that wouldn't quality for any kind of diagnosis can find help here. Amadi doesn't assume that every reader has a clinical problem or needs therapy, but provides general tools and paradigm shifts for people to accomplish inner work and move towards healing.

Even though women are the presumed audience for this book, Amadi doesn't assume that all of her readers are female, and she shares some stories and examples from men as well. If you're a guy who is wondering about whether or not this book could be a good fit for you, pursue it! Don't let the pink cover turn you off. It's full of great advice that applies to all humans, and unlike some female-oriented books about life struggles, this one doesn't bash men or make any sweeping generalizations about the opposite sex. There is nothing in here that would be harmful or discouraging to a male reader, and it can be tremendously helpful and healing.

Conclusion

This is a refreshing, helpful resource for Christians who are dealing with emotional or mental health issues. This book perfectly integrates biblical truth and psychological science in a way that can help readers with different backgrounds. Christians who feel wary of secular therapy will find this integrated perspective reassuring, and Christians who are already invested in secular approaches can benefit from Amadi's Christian perspective and its fuller, more complete vision of life. Amadi wrote this wonderful book out of her expertise, personal experience, and God-given wisdom, and every chapter provides perspective, hope, and paths towards healing. No matter where someone is on their journey with mental health issues or life baggage, this book can speak to them, and I highly recommend it.

I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

[Ja’Markkus · Rating 5 out of 5]

You ever wonder how emotional intelligence affects your state of mind? Or how to utilize emotional intelligence to increase your self worth?
The author gives in depth examples that are impactful and helps associate the topic with realistic life happenings that a variety of audiences can relate to. This book has the ability to connect with emotional events from your past that may have had major impact in your core value and beliefs, as it did mine. It really helped me to strip down some of those nuanced responses to my and/or others emotions, and access a more genuine level of care for myself and others. Within the first 10 pages I was able to learn so much about myself, which included the section covering “Spiritual Bypassing”. The affect that this phenomenon had on me was apparent, after reading this section. I felt uneasy, never really satisfied, no real validation as to what I was feeling when expressing strong emotions to others from the answers/responses they would provide. Reading this section helped me to discover the entirety of the impact “Spiritual Bypassing” had on me and how I may have mistakenly reciprocated this energy to others based on that history. This is just one of the many of the many topics that is featured in the book to help you live with and accept your emotions.
The author constructed the book to allow readers to carefully compartmentalize each of the topics covered. The reader will have no trouble following along and gaining insightful information about how to use emotional intelligence to continue improving as a human with real emotions and real experiences that often leaves us in disarray. If you too, are looking for answers about emotional intelligence or just about improving as a human being, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this book! Your road to healing will start when you obtain this valuable tool to assist you in your daily life.

[Ashley Angel]

“Why do I feel this way” by Dr Peace Amadi!

I was so excited diving into this book and now that I have opened it and began to read it I cannot stop! Before really getting into the book, I was very intrigued with chapter 6 “Anxiety”. So naturally that’s where I went to first! I love that even before getting into what anxiety looks like she has real life stories for real people! It gives examples of what anxiety looks like in its different forms. I was excited to see that Dr. Amadi talked about high functioning anxiety because it is not something that is researched too much. I had a conversation about high functioning anxiety not too long ago and was wondering if was an actual “thing” or just something made up. It’s not something you hear too much about but I was curious about because of my own experience. I’m glad that she shined light to the term in her book!

If you want to learn more about yourself and why you are feeling certain ways, you need to pick up this book! I personally cannot wait to dive further into it and get a better understanding of myself. Knowledge is power and Dr. Amadi makes it so easy to understand!

[Tosha Jackson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been wondering if I would ever get a hold of my emotional stability since I could remember. I love that this book targets my deficits and allows me to be human. I love more so, that this book has the unique ability to open my eyes toward solutions, healthy perspectives, and tools to navigate through the questions that I may have had concerning my emotions. I was the type of person that desperately wanted to be done with feelings all together . I have learned how to identify certain emotions and ways to put them in its’ proper place. For example, learning to deal with failure, how it effects my body and useful ways to move forward with greater awareness. I admit, this book has exceeded my expectations by far.
As a child care worker for at-risk juvenile male youth, I feel as though I can better serve my youth on the topic of emotions after reading this book.
This is a resource that couldn’t have come at the most perfect time.
I am forever grateful for this gift of knowledge that I know will bring about such a healing to many.
Thank you Dr. Peace Amadi

[Casey | Essentially Novel · Rating 5 out of 5]

“𝘉𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘱 𝘪𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮.”

When just the intro alone made tears well up in my eyes, I knew the rest of this had to be equally if not more powerful, and it was. Oh my goodness, it so was!

I jotted down so many quotes, even whole paragraphs, from this. As someone who works in the behavioral/mental health field and someone who has personally gone through A LOT these past few years this book is one that I will likely repeatedly go back to for insight and encouragement.

In some ways it’s simple and straightforward, in other ways it dives deep and hits the tender, sensitive spots. Amadi writes from a clinical, spiritual, intellectual, emotional, personal, and sympathetic perspective. There is nothing but knowledge and compassion in her words. She address trauma, core beliefs and spiritual bypassing, and (obviously) emotions such as sadness and depression, anxiety, hurt, shame, etc and the value of therapy. Well worth picking up. Thank you IVPress for the free copy in exchange for a honest review!

[Lynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book puts forward a simple idea—that your emotions matter. Acknowledging them, giving them value and a voice is an important step towards self-realization and healing. As someone who once identified as a Christian, I can appreciate the references from scripture, but am also grateful for the secular read. Can't tell you how much the spiritual bypassing chapter resonated with so many experiences I've had at church. The author spends due diligence on the research and science behind our emotions with as much authority as her spiritual insight. Having each emotions broken down by chapter helps you dive into the ones you are struggling with now. Down the road, I know I'll be re-reading other chapters as they become more relevant. It's a guide I'll keep coming back to on my emotional journey. It's writing is simple, direct, and unintimidating for those exploring their emotional landscape for the first time.

[Graham]

While I wouldn't classify myself as a highly religious person anymore, I still grew up in the church. In my time there I saw a lot of poor, if not entirely wrong "church-y answers" given to people who were hurting and needing more. Dr. Amadi not only points out how these rote Christian responses alone are detrimental, but gives insightful ways to actually help others, and ourselves, heal. I appreciate that she doesn't just tell us to "pray it away," like most religious self-help books, but brings in her actual, scientifically-backed, therapy experience to bridge the gap. If you're like me, and don't adhere to any specific religion anymore, you'll still get a lot of informative teaching from this book about why you feel the way you do, how to dig deeper into those feelings and uncover the root cause of them, and how to begin working through past experiences to get to your best future.

[Dianna P. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is super helpful and is the right mix of accessible and challenging. It has a great balance between scripture, psychological concepts, wise advice, practical tools, and stories. I feel like each chapter is a few sessions worth of therapy, and could be used as a blueprint for further deep inner work. Dr. Amadi’s voice, stories, tone, wisdom, and guidance are easy to read and follow. She creates a safe, vulnerable, and meaningful space to engage with emotions without it feeling overwhelming. I especially loved the chapter on Uncovering Our Core Beliefs. It felt like if I could just memorize it I’d be good to go in life. This book truly could benefit anyone. If you (or someone you know) are looking to grow and have a healthier relationship with yourself, God, and others, then this is definitely the book for you!

[Chinelo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has really helped me uncover the different layers that make up who I am. It really shows how past experiences (ex: trauma) and our core beliefs shape us psychologically today. It also offers different solutions to help us push through a range of emotions that are often difficult to deal with. That’s an aspect I really enjoyed and needed : the practical tools and exercises.
Another aspect of this book which I really loved is that it confronts scientific findings with biblical scriptures. In dealing with tough emotions, it is so beautiful to see that God has us covered as well.
This is a perfect book to read with family as you discover all these aspects about how you feel. I am so grateful for this work 😍, I hope we get more very soon!

[Jieun Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

After a long, difficult season, I needed something to help me process the myriad of emotions I had been feeling. This book was exactly what I needed. It gave me the language to describe and own all of my emotions- the good, the bad and the ugly. The author breaks down each complex emotion and provides insightful perspectives, based not only on research but also personal stories that touch your soul. Her writing is so authentic and genuinely caring. She has a way of making you feel seen and validated in her book. As a Christian, I really appreciate how the author highlights the intersectionality of faith and mental health to provide a holistic and practical way to take control of your journey towards healing.

[Yesenia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got an online copy of this book and let me say it did not disappoint. As a therapist, I stand behind the idea of self-exploration. I pre-ordered this book and immediately started reading it the second I could. I am about halfway now and let me say that this book is so well written in the format of taking you through the process of understanding yourself. AND ITS NOT A CHEESY SELF-HELP BOOK. Genuinely a good grasp on the journey of self-exploration. It is also an entertaining read. I think what this book does most of all is help you truly go through the journey of understanding yourself through someone else.

[Tolulope Noah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Growing up in the church, I came to believe that certain emotions were okay to acknowledge and experience while others were not. When those “not okay” emotions arose, I felt like I wasn’t as strong in my faith as I should be or like I didn’t trust God as much as I should. Peace addresses this common misconception head-on in her book, normalizing emotions as part of the human experience and as essential elements of our walk with God. She fuses her wealth of knowledge and experience in psychology with her profound faith, showing readers how we can navigate our emotions with wisdom, authenticity, and hope.

[British · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must have. Not just for this moment but for a lifetime. As life goes on we as humans go through so many things it’s important to maintain the sense of our emotions. I feel like 5 years from now I’ll be able to reach for this book, read it in it’s entirety and have new insight and understanding of who I am and where I am emotionally. Dr. Peace you’ve done an excellent job and I know we as readers have to give this book time to breathe but I must I’m looking forward to more from you. 10/10 recommend!

[Laura Fox Steele · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must read. Dr. Peace Amadi’s wisdom and compassion shine through as she provides an honest and transparent look at how to navigate our difficult emotions, and find deep healing. Through real-life stories, Peace Amadi provides a practical plan to deal with and heal from painful emotions. If you have ever experienced painful emotions as a result of hurtful words, trauma, disappointment, failures, or grief you will want to read this book. In an easy to read and engaging way, this book encourages us to walk through deep emotions and experience true healing.

[Lydia · Rating 4 out of 5]

A practical book, filled with compassionate and realistic views of emotions, from both a psychological and Biblical faith perspective. I appreciated Dr. Amadi's ability to see the usefulness of each emotion, naming both the helpfulness and the shadow sides. The book was practical, with ideas for processing and working through emotions with each chapter. I found it a good book to read slowly and with the intention to do personal internal work. It might be a good one to read with a friend or therapist!

[Denise Wallace · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an accessible read on emotional well being from the perspective of a person of deep faith. Rather than being a merely educational approach to mental health, this read has a transformational quality that will get in amongst you and have you reflecting and feeling. Given the year we’ve all had, this book is a particularly good start for a season of recovery. Like a warm jacuzzi of healing. Good for the soul.

[Yasmine Rivera · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Peace Amadi does a beautiful job of providing a clear, loving insight on our mental status and how we can actively work to take away the stigma and judgement that we may feel about it. She provides a fresh look and honest outtake on how we can work to conquer the mental blocks we may have. I will forever hold her quote “you cannot hate yourself into healing” close to my heart. A good read for all ages and stages of life!

[Simone · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has surprisingly opened up a portal for me to look at who I am and how I got to be this way, (in the best way possible). I often feel like we hear people say, “do the work” and I’m like that’s cute, but what does that actually MEAN! Well ladies and gentleman, it’s all outlined in this book. I’m thankful for the tools that are laid out throughout the book. It’s given me so much context on self and growth. I’m really thankful and can’t wait to finish it reading.

[Denise Solis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m the type of person who struggles with articulating my own emotions and what goes on in my head, but this book perfectly describes what I could never put into words. It really breaks down every aspect of the feelings you have experienced. I found myself revisiting my childhood experiences and current experiences that led me to understand why I behave and think the way I do. This book is like having therapy wherever you decide to read it, from the introduction to the last chapter.

[Kasey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Have you ever talked through a difficult time with a friend who understood you and was there for you to process and then help with the situation?! THAT. That is what this book is like. It breaks down difficult and uncomfortable thoughts and feelings in a relatable and easy to understand way... and then helps you with what to DO/where to GO from there. Informational and transformational. Anyone who has ever had any complicated thoughts or feelings, this book is for you.

[Jasmine Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

From the introduction, this book drew me in. As someone who grew up in environments where my emotions were dismissed and invalidated, “in the name of Jesus”, it was freeing to learn how God has space for ALL of me, including my emotions. This book has brought such healing to places I didn’t know I still needed healing. Please do yourself a favor and get this book. You won’t be able to put it down!

[Leslie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Why Do I Feel This Way? By Peace Amadi is book that details human emotions from a Biblical perspective. Ms. Amadi has a background in the mental health field and knows her stuff. I found the book informative and appreciated the Biblical world view. If you are looking for a book that deals with mental health with a Biblical world view, this book may interest you. Thank you to NetGalley and the Publisher for the opportunity to read this book! (This review is also on GoodReads.)

[Shirley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good resource, and a great read, can't rush through, biblical references were excellent. Many times are belief system affect our decisions, whether good or bad and we wonder "why" we made such a choice. Peace Amadi gives a starting point to understanding why. This book helps take away the shame and guilt of seeking professional help for yourself and love ones. A needed tool during these difficult times.

[Kim Koi · Rating 5 out of 5]

It took me a while to read this one, but I think it is so helpful! What I loved about it was that I could hand it to a middle-aged peer or a college student and they could both relate. I appreciate the personal stories, the practical definitions, and the helpful guidance on next steps. Particularly for a generation that is significantly struggling with mental health, this book can be super helpful.