Chasing Masculinity: Men, Validation, and Infidelity

by Alicia M. Walker

This book analyzes men’s experiences and perceptions regarding their participation in infidelity and offers a glimpse into the inner workings of their most intimate relationships, as well as the ways men negotiate marriages that fall short of their expectations.

Using a sample collected from the online dating service Ashley Madison, this book finds that contrary to gendered social scripts, the men in this study described motivations for outside partnerships that were not rooted in the desire for sexual pleasure or variety. Rather, men described those relationships as an outlet to soothe their bruised egos, receive attention and validation from a romantic partner, and to fight their feelings of emasculation. These infidelities thus provide support and praise, and aid in the processing of complex emotions.



This in-depth analysis provides a unique insight into men’s experiences of sexuality and masculinity, and will be of keen interest to those seeking to understand male infidelity from a sociological perspective, across gender studies, psychology, counselling, and beyond.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction

222 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 17, 2020

About the author

Associate Professor of sociology at Missouri State University.

Her latest book, Bound by BDSM: Unexpected Lessons in Building a Happier Life, explores what kink can teach all of us—yes, even the vanilla among us—about trust, communication, connection, and radical honesty. Drawing on in-depth interviews with over 2,400 kink practitioners, the book debunks common myths and reveals how BDSM relationships often model the kind of intentionality and emotional clarity many people crave. Smart, surprising, and deeply human, Bound by BDSM is for anyone who's ever wondered what kink is really about—and what they might learn from it without ever picking up a whip.

Her second book, Chasing Masculinity: Men, Validation, and Infidelity, looks at men's experience with infidelity and their perceptions and motivations. Men reported a tremendous need for praise and validation from romantic partners, and believed their wives to be disinterested and disappointed in them. This book analyzes men’s experiences and perceptions regarding their participation in infidelity and offers a glimpse into the inner workings of their most intimate relationships, as well as the ways men negotiate marriages that fall short of their expectations. Like her previous book, this challenges commonly-held assumptions about infidelity.

Her first book, The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife: Power, Pragmatism, and Pleasure in Women's Infidelity, is about women's navigation of outside partnerships alongside primary partnerships, and gives voices to women's lived experiences. The book has been discussed in articles published in The New York Times, and CNN, among others.

Before receiving her PhD in sociology at the University of Kentucky, Alicia earned a MEd in educational leadership from Texas State University, and a BA in English from the University of Tampa.
She is primarily interested in intimate sexual relationships, gender and sex,
sexual behavior and identity. In particular, she's interested in closeted behavior. Her research strives to uncover the underlying dynamics of intimate relationships to understand their quality, content and forms of those ties, and the impact they have on quality of life for the individual as well as others in their social network, as well as the impact of gendered expectations on our behaviors and attitudes, and our own understanding and navigation of our behaviors and attitudes.

In her free time, she enjoys spending time with her family (adult children, husband, mother) with whom she is close, and her beloved rescue dog, Harvey. She also enjoys traveling, great movies, playing cards, and collecting statues of the goddesses of love, marriage, and fertility (as they relate to her work).

Reviews

[Guilherme Smee · Rating 3 out of 5]

Este livro estava em promoção nos importados da Amazon e pude ler ele durante a viagem a Florianópolis. Chasing Masculinity, de Alicia M. Walker é o livro referente a uma pesquisa acadêmica realizada por ela e sua equipe sobre homens e infidelidade. Usando como base entrevistas com usuários de um site de encontros dos Estados Unidos, este trabalho tenta buscar um perfil e entender por que os homens dos Estados Unidos traem suas esposas. Um dos resultados a que a pesquisadora chegou foi que a traição tem a ver com a validação da masculinidade, uma vez que para um homem estar satisfeito com seus feitos masculinos precisa ter diversas parceiras sexuais, mesmo tendo um compromisso de fidelidade estabelecido com outra mulher. Além disso, estão envolvidas diversas inseguranças masculinas como "a pressão da performance", que desvia as dúvidas e inadequação masculinas para uma espécie de responsabilidade da pessoa com quem estão se relacionando e não se si mesmo, ou de ambos, daí a necessidade de procurar novas parceiras sexuais. Um livro que traz resultados de pesquisa interessantes, mas cuja forma de escrita não me atraiu muito.

[Annie Taal · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really interesting read with some surprising conclusions. As it is based on a study it is obviously a little wordy and academic. There was a lot of repetition of study statiatics but also a lot of useful nuggets on socialization, masculinity and femininity, the need for improved sex and social education and the need for male friendships

[Renee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Men don't know what friends are - that's my major takeaway from this book. I really enjoyed reading it but it was occasionally repetitive.

[Jay Burke]

Excellent!!

[Matt Casey · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fascinating study, really shakes up a lot of preconceptions. Avoids academic dryness by being solid storytelling. Western masculinity standards and gender roles are messing with all of us.