Hidden in Shadow: Tales of Grief, Lamentations, and Faith

by Janna Barber

It is an uncomfortable truth that the path to joy often leads through valleys shadowed by grief. Loneliness, depression, and anger can consume our hearts and minds so fully that we see no way to escape the dark. Where is God? Where is the comfort and joy He promised? Janna Barber was a preacher’s kid. She grew up surrounded by a cloud of believers that taught her to ignore and suppress such negative emotions. She graduated high school, went to college, found a husband, and started a family. That was when she found herself suffering through a profound sadness. Depression, multiple miscarriages, and an inexplicable anger weighed her down as she trudged through those shadows, searching for a light she could not find. It was through her grief and lamentations that Janna learned that to experience the light of hope and joy, we must be willing to walk through the shadows. With warmth, wit, and humor, Janna invites readers to examine their own grief and see if it might be transformed into something good.

136 pages, Kindle Edition

Published December 5, 2020

Reviews

[Mallory Drazin]

Beautiful and validating for the Christian who struggles

Janna cuts right through the BS and platitudes that so often surround the church’s approach to grief and pain, and delivers searingly vulnerable insight, and ultimately, hope.

I love this bit so much, because it illustrates something I’ve struggled to articulate:
“So much of the advice I heard from other Christians shrugged off the pain and hurt of this world. They kept telling me to ignore the blood dripping from my fingers because the roses in my hand were so beautiful. And yes, the roses of the gospel are beautiful, but when your eyes are filled with tears, that truth can be hard to see.”

Minimizing and tucking our problems and sadness away, does not do much to magnify the God who knows our pain and sits with us in it. This book speaks to those of us who want to trust that He is the place to lay our burdens down, but struggle to know it’s true.

[Kristen Usher]

After finishing most memoirs, I’m glad to have learned something new about the author, or about experiences I’ve never had. But reading Janna Barber’s new memoir, Hidden in Shadow, helped me learn more about myself, too. Throughout her book, she recounts experiences with what I’ll call “ordinary” grief - I don’t use that word to diminish her perspective on grief, but rather to elevate it. This is one of the most accessible books on the topic that I’ve read. By walking the reader through her experiences with grief and loss (moving throughout childhood, challenges feeling accepted by her parents, miscarriage, depression) AND allowing the reader to see how she has processed and changed because of that grief, Janna gives us the rare gift of allowing the reader to process their own hurt alongside her. I heartily recommend this book to anyone who has been beat up by this world and is still fighting to love it. Janna’s words will be an encouragement and a gift. We are never as alone as we think we are.

[Jessi]

Hidden in Shadow might be the most important memoir I've ever read.

You might need this book. I know it'll be working on my own heart for a long while.

I want any friends who know suffering and know sadness to read this book. It's sad and hard and there may be some triggering moments, and that's hard to know when to embrace, but her honesty and weakness might be worth the tears. They were for me.

The writing was captivating and somewhat suspenseful, in that how-does-this-turn-out way of great memoirs.

I completely recommend Hidden in Shadow to anyone who has known grief. I'm not just saying that I think you might like it. I mean to say that I think you should read this. You aren't alone.
You are not alone.

Janna Barber, well done and thank you.

[Laura]

Reading a well-written memoir can be such a moving experience; it’s like catching a glimpse of the author’s true heart. In Hidden in Shadow, Janna Barber generously shares that heart with her readers—particularly the parts of it that are marked by loss and grief. I appreciated her honesty in not trying to gloss over the difficult parts of life, but to reckon with them and do the work to move forward through them. I liked how it traced the author’s emotional journey as well as her journey as a writer—phrased another way, “how I learned to love my life enough to write all these words about it.” I think this book would be a particular encouragement to those who feel alone in their grief, or who are struggling with whether or how to process it through writing.

[Sarah Tisdale]

Incredibly brave and helpful of a story. What an offering to us in 2020. Maybe you are like me and have a hard time entering into the dark places and grief is a difficult place to camp, but wow, Janna is getting real REAL and challenging me to sit in the discomfort and look for the true Light. Thank you Jesus for this memoir, this incredible story of redemption. The pain is so real and so is the hope.

[MaryBeth Eiler]

Janna helps us walk toward healing through the vulnerable stories she shares in Hidden In Shadow. While not an easy read, I promise once you open up the first page, you will not be able to set it down. Within the pages of this book, you will find yourself as you relate to the truths that Janna weaves throughout. Even if your journey doesn’t look the same, you’ll connect to her authenticity and walk away with a deeper appreciation for the gift that is the practice of lament. For anyone who has navigated grief, loss, and uncertainty, this book will lend comfort to your soul.

[Sherry]

I really enjoyed this book. Janna is very real and shared stories about her life. It's always nice to be able to relate to an author!!!!

[Reagan]

“Why did you give me a baby, only to take it away?”

Janna’s story is full of hard questions, heartache, and a heavy brick ceiling that imprisons her in loneliness. Few have the courage to wrestle in the dark the way this preacher’s daughter does, or the grace to offer those struggles up in words, to weep with those who weep. With honesty and tenderness, Hidden in Shadow shows us that hope can grow right alongside trouble, and that even grief is holy.

[Joel]

Full disclosure: Janna is a friend of mine.
She has poured out her life in and adjacent to the church in these pages. It is not always an easy thing, in fact, it seldom is. She doesn’t sugar-coat things or write for people who might want a power of positive thinking approach to life. But she sees hope through the pain, joy at the end of the tether.
If you are struggling with the fraudulent nature of much of public life, this book is for you, to tell you that you can be safe sharing your struggles.

[Loren]

Reading this book was like having a good, deep conversation with a friend. In Hidden in Shadow, Janna Barber took me by the hand and shared some of her life with me. She shared stories that have shaped her, and as she wrote she didn’t shy away from uncomfortable questions that come with grief and depression: Why did her dad lose his pastoral positions so frequently, requiring her family to move and move again? How could Christians be so bitter? Why couldn’t she and her mom understand each other? Why did she struggle with postpartum depression and have to go through the grief of two miscarriages?

Throughout the book, Janna grapples with these questions without giving pat answers, and at the same time she shows how she’s grown emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. In many ways she’s grown because of the questions. The shadows of her life are shot through with the inescapable light of God’s love and grace, and by giving us her stories in a straightforward, conversational way, Janna gives us a way to see forward in our own lives with hope.

[Anastasia Tuckness]

Barber shares stories from her life (both as a pastor's child and pastor's wife). She doesn't shy away from hard things, instead choosing to describe in some detail painful instances from her life as well as the emotional toll they took. She also shares some of how she interacted with God and Christianity through the pain.

Some parts I found helpful--a kind of, "yes, I feel that too" connection in a world where it sometimes seems like all my Christian friends are riding high all the time. I was hoping, though, for more practical steps to include lament in my own life. I'd sum up her recommendations as "don't let grief sit without paying attention to it, talk to a friend, call a doctor/counselor when you need to, yell at God when you need to, know that God is with you in the suffering, and read the Psalms." Maybe that's enough, actually; maybe that's all there is to say... Hmm.

[Melinda Busch]

As I read Janna Barber’s Hidden in Shadow, I felt as if I were traveling alongside her in the journey toward hope and healing, grace and joy. Though our life experiences have been vastly different, on almost every page of this beautifully written book, I found myself nodding my head and saying, “Yes, I get it. I’ve been there too.” I’ve always had a hard time with Christian music or books that downplay the struggle with depression as if it were totally outside what a Christian ought to feel. Barber’s book acknowledges the reality of depression and shows that God is willing to meet us where we are and walk us through the shadows and into Joy. This book will be a source of hope and encouragement for anyone who has ever felt lost in the shadows.

[Crisanne Werner]

I related so much to the stories of growing up Baptist in this book. It was freeing to see parts of my story reflected in Janna's and to read how she found permission and courage to process and lament. A faith journey does not have to stay defined by the way it started out. It's ok to question our upbringings and acknowledge our emotional responses to them. But, like Janna shows, this processing doesn't make us lose our faith, it helps us deepen it. And it can help us find freedom in the grace of God that we might have been missing before. This book is just so beautiful, in content and style. It was a vulnerable, initiate journey that I'm so glad I got to read.

[Lorraine Furtner]

Khalil Gibran wrote, “we are all like the bright moon, we still have our darker side,” and Janna Barber’s book, “Hidden in Shadow,” reveals what it’s like to travel into that blackness. Barber courageously lays bare the journey into what’s “Hidden in Shadow,” saying, “On and on we go, until the inside of us is nothing but a raft of pent up emotion , bound to deflate in the middle of a storm.” In gut-wrenching honesty she shares elements of her life that left her questioning her upbringing, her mental health, and her faith, in ways many of us can relate to.“Hidden in Shadow” consoles us that we are not alone, and that the light is still shining, whether we can see it or not.

[Risha]

Janna writes a beautiful, inspiring story of how God uses our griefs to show us how great His love is for us. Her childhood stories resonate with anyone who grew up in the Bible Belt. Janna’s words allow her readers to process their own lament, bringing light into the shadows.

[Brenda Branson]

The intersection of grief, loss, and doubt with faith

I enjoyed the honesty and courage of Janna as she recounts difficult struggles from her past, and discovers that doubt can strengthen and refine faith.

[Joe Rodeck]

She has wonderful parents, has a good husband, and had the opportunity to go to college; so I can't find much sympathy for her.