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Emotional Intelligence: Why Emotions Are Great Tools But Bad Bosses
“Can you learn Emotional Intelligence?” Yes! Diane Weston’s practical guide will take you all the way from understanding Emotional Intelligence to applying it in your everyday life. Emotional Why Emotions Are Great Tools But Bad Bosses contains the knowledge, tools, and techniques you need to better understand yourself and other people. Internally, it helps you clear emotions that stand in your way and feel more peaceful. On the outside, it helps you improve your personal and professional relationships through clear communication. The first part of the book goes over the fundamentals of Emotional Intelligence, laying latest scientific research findings on EQ. Why Emotional Intelligence is about you as much as it is about other people. How emotions affect every aspect of your life (without you even noticing). Diving deeper, Diane talks about the true nature of emotions, emotions are a Great Tool but a Bad Boss.How emotions influence your worldview.The hidden link between habits and emotions and how to use it to create a feel-good daily routine.Further in the book, you'll discover the four-step method to deal with your own emotions and build better relationships with others. You will find Why you shouldn’t suppress your emotions and how exactly to master them.One simple exercise to recognize your emotions as they are happening.The easiest anger management technique.The Feelings Pot exercise to release negative emotions in days instead of years.Finally, Diane gives you more practical tips and tools to help you wield Emotional Intelligence such Two Stars and a Wish technique to give feedback.Emotional triggers to free yourself from toxic relationships.The step-by-step method to communicate how you feel without making the other person defensive.The ‘I’ statements technique to avoid unnecessary conflict.Seven techniques to improve all relationships in your life - with yourself, friends, family, spouse, and co-workers. The Detachment method to overcome your fear of rejection.Real-life conversations that show EQ in action.Creating a ‘force field’ that absorbs criticism and protects you from emotional hurt. If you want to harness the power of emotions, communicate more effectively and have successful relationships both at work and at home, Emotional Intelligence can help. Scroll up and grab your copy now!
129 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 23, 2020
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
November 28, 2020
Weston gives a concise, practically helpful discussion of what works for growing more emotionally aware. The first thing that struck me is how little I pay attention. She suggests various practices for remembering to watch emotions, advising that “At first, you may only notice them once they’re over. That’s the beginning of your awareness practice.” Rather than giving motivational speeches on how to overcome negativity, she shares ways of observing our reactions and obsessions. She even has a section on “Not hanging on to positive emotions.”
Concerning how we relate to others, I note the following context: “… social skills, that were natural a long time ago, now have to be relearned by modern homo sapiens.” Weston shares a range of the best practices for open, constructive communication, and the give-and-take of mutual influence. I was encouraged to see that one proposal for expanding awareness was my favorite: reading books to see life from inside other people’s heads. At some points, Weston lays down the obvious laws of relatedness: “… the first thing you need to do is stop using the carrot or the stick.” But basically she’s just demonstrating how empathetic communication is done, in a matter-of-fact, non-preachy way. I started identifying with her calmness, and wanting a more relaxed response to other people.
Concerning how we relate to others, I note the following context: “… social skills, that were natural a long time ago, now have to be relearned by modern homo sapiens.” Weston shares a range of the best practices for open, constructive communication, and the give-and-take of mutual influence. I was encouraged to see that one proposal for expanding awareness was my favorite: reading books to see life from inside other people’s heads. At some points, Weston lays down the obvious laws of relatedness: “… the first thing you need to do is stop using the carrot or the stick.” But basically she’s just demonstrating how empathetic communication is done, in a matter-of-fact, non-preachy way. I started identifying with her calmness, and wanting a more relaxed response to other people.
February 16, 2026
Practical advice on managing your relationships, starting with managing yourself.
Diane Weston wins my affection immediately by acknowledging that emotional intelligence is not the same as general intelligence. Some people are born with more than others, but it is a quality that can be improved with effort.
There is no argument that people who are successful in interpersonal relations will be more successful in just about every aspect of life. The ability to deal with people goes under the broad heading of Emotional Intelligence – EI for short.
Weston dodges the issue of whether or not emotional intelligence is a real construct. In contrast, the intelligence measured by IQ tests is almost universally agreed to be real. There are first level abilities, such as the ability to learn a foreign language, breadth of vocabulary, the ability to compute discount percentages in one’s head or the ability to learn one’s way around a new city. These abilities are usually quite highly correlated within each category. They can thus be rolled up into what are called constructs, a higher level general measurement.
For the purpose of measuring intelligence, they are generally rolled up into three second-level constructs: verbal intelligence, spatial intelligence and mathematical intelligence. These three constructs are, in turn, quite highly correlated as well. Rolling the three of them together one arrives at g, general intelligence, that latent ability that IQ tests are designed to measure. Though, one hastens to add, they never measure it exactly.
Returning to Weston’s point, whether or not Emotional Intelligence is measurable doesn’t matter, because unlike the intelligence of IQ tests, it is something an individual can change. That’s what the book is about.
Before leaving the notion of scientifically analyzing emotional intelligence, Weston talks about the models used to define it. The ability model focuses on a person’s ability to recognize emotions in self and others. Daniel Goleman’s mixed model includes both awareness and self-management – knowing what’s going on, and doing something about it. The trait model simply ascribes emotional intelligence to personality. Since personality traits are largely inherited, this model would suggest that they are less amenable to change. That’s simply not a useful premise for Weston’s book. Popular culture (the movie “Anger Management” for instance) holds that we can improve our EI.
Weston starts with a definition of emotions. A bit more science would be in order here. Emotions have deep roots in our evolutionary history. Our primate relatives all exhibit emotions, most of them quite similar to ours. She notes that emotions may protect us. Fear helps us avoid danger, but love and trust as well help us to secure assistance when we need it. Emotions come and go – they are products of our hormones, adrenal system and other chemical structures of the body. Lastly, Weston questions that emotions are bad bosses. Every married person knows that there are times when we are elated by our spouse’s presence and times we wish they would die. You can’t let the emotions take charge – you have to recognize them for the changeable things that they are.
Weston now starts with advice: things you can control which are your thoughts, habits and perceptions. You can choose how to react to something unpleasant. My wife says something cutting about a dirty dish in the drainer. I can snap back that if she didn’t like it, she could wash the dishes herself. Or, say to myself she’s grumpy because the baby didn’t let her sleep last night and let it go. That’s under my control.
Weston notes that our habits can repeatedly put us in positions where our emotions are triggered. She cites sugar highs from junk food and, road rage from our commute. Moral of the story? Control your habits. Bicycle to work, riding serenely past those fools fuming in their steel boxes while you enjoy fresh air and exercise.
These things build on each other, contributing to a worldview. The benefits of a positive worldview are obvious.
Weston codifies these into four R’s:
• Recognition of your own emotions
• Regulation of your reactions when your emotions are triggered
• Reading signals – cues that other people are giving off about their emotions
• Responding – after assimilating the above, come up with appropriate responses to other people.
The balance of the book is dedicated to practical approaches to implementing the 4R’s. They include a number of checklists, mental exercises you can do to make yourself more aware of what’s going on and how you are reacting and behaving.
She writes about how you can protect yourself from other people’s emotions, and perhaps help others as well. Mothers have a knack for chafing on their adult daughters. A woman needs to steel herself, rationalizing that that’s the way mom is, is not going to change, and I love her anyway. A child will manipulate you by crying and wheedling. Recognize it for what it is, call it for what it is, and don’t give in.
Weston recognizes that while some people have too little empathy, some have too much. “Pathological Altruism” is a book dedicated to the topic.
This concise self-help book will help you make better decisions in managing your life. It is worth the investment of a couple hours to read. Five stars.
Diane Weston wins my affection immediately by acknowledging that emotional intelligence is not the same as general intelligence. Some people are born with more than others, but it is a quality that can be improved with effort.
There is no argument that people who are successful in interpersonal relations will be more successful in just about every aspect of life. The ability to deal with people goes under the broad heading of Emotional Intelligence – EI for short.
Weston dodges the issue of whether or not emotional intelligence is a real construct. In contrast, the intelligence measured by IQ tests is almost universally agreed to be real. There are first level abilities, such as the ability to learn a foreign language, breadth of vocabulary, the ability to compute discount percentages in one’s head or the ability to learn one’s way around a new city. These abilities are usually quite highly correlated within each category. They can thus be rolled up into what are called constructs, a higher level general measurement.
For the purpose of measuring intelligence, they are generally rolled up into three second-level constructs: verbal intelligence, spatial intelligence and mathematical intelligence. These three constructs are, in turn, quite highly correlated as well. Rolling the three of them together one arrives at g, general intelligence, that latent ability that IQ tests are designed to measure. Though, one hastens to add, they never measure it exactly.
Returning to Weston’s point, whether or not Emotional Intelligence is measurable doesn’t matter, because unlike the intelligence of IQ tests, it is something an individual can change. That’s what the book is about.
Before leaving the notion of scientifically analyzing emotional intelligence, Weston talks about the models used to define it. The ability model focuses on a person’s ability to recognize emotions in self and others. Daniel Goleman’s mixed model includes both awareness and self-management – knowing what’s going on, and doing something about it. The trait model simply ascribes emotional intelligence to personality. Since personality traits are largely inherited, this model would suggest that they are less amenable to change. That’s simply not a useful premise for Weston’s book. Popular culture (the movie “Anger Management” for instance) holds that we can improve our EI.
Weston starts with a definition of emotions. A bit more science would be in order here. Emotions have deep roots in our evolutionary history. Our primate relatives all exhibit emotions, most of them quite similar to ours. She notes that emotions may protect us. Fear helps us avoid danger, but love and trust as well help us to secure assistance when we need it. Emotions come and go – they are products of our hormones, adrenal system and other chemical structures of the body. Lastly, Weston questions that emotions are bad bosses. Every married person knows that there are times when we are elated by our spouse’s presence and times we wish they would die. You can’t let the emotions take charge – you have to recognize them for the changeable things that they are.
Weston now starts with advice: things you can control which are your thoughts, habits and perceptions. You can choose how to react to something unpleasant. My wife says something cutting about a dirty dish in the drainer. I can snap back that if she didn’t like it, she could wash the dishes herself. Or, say to myself she’s grumpy because the baby didn’t let her sleep last night and let it go. That’s under my control.
Weston notes that our habits can repeatedly put us in positions where our emotions are triggered. She cites sugar highs from junk food and, road rage from our commute. Moral of the story? Control your habits. Bicycle to work, riding serenely past those fools fuming in their steel boxes while you enjoy fresh air and exercise.
These things build on each other, contributing to a worldview. The benefits of a positive worldview are obvious.
Weston codifies these into four R’s:
• Recognition of your own emotions
• Regulation of your reactions when your emotions are triggered
• Reading signals – cues that other people are giving off about their emotions
• Responding – after assimilating the above, come up with appropriate responses to other people.
The balance of the book is dedicated to practical approaches to implementing the 4R’s. They include a number of checklists, mental exercises you can do to make yourself more aware of what’s going on and how you are reacting and behaving.
She writes about how you can protect yourself from other people’s emotions, and perhaps help others as well. Mothers have a knack for chafing on their adult daughters. A woman needs to steel herself, rationalizing that that’s the way mom is, is not going to change, and I love her anyway. A child will manipulate you by crying and wheedling. Recognize it for what it is, call it for what it is, and don’t give in.
Weston recognizes that while some people have too little empathy, some have too much. “Pathological Altruism” is a book dedicated to the topic.
This concise self-help book will help you make better decisions in managing your life. It is worth the investment of a couple hours to read. Five stars.
December 9, 2020
Layman's Guide to Soft Skills
I received this product for free in exchange for an honest review as an advanced review copy or ARC.
I enjoyed the book but there were a half dozen times I paused and had to edit in my mind's eye the way something complicated was phrased awkwardly or simplistically.
Also, the overall vein of the book is most applicable to neurotypical people which can become problematic when applied to people with Dark Triad traits or on the Austistic Spectrum.
It would have been nice to tie in personality and personality traits to emotional intelligence and how it is expressed via Big 5 but that might have pushed the book out of the target audience's range and interest.
Speaking of the target audience I believe this would be a really useful book for many guys who haven't really thought about their emotions before who may pale at too many academic words and concepts but can appreciate the straight forward honesty and simplicity of the author's phrasing and vocabulary in this text.
The meat of the book begins about halfway through after the author lays out the terms and basics.
The use of the term negative emotions sort of irritated me. I view emotions as tools and neither positive or negative. What makes an emotion negative or positive is how you use the tool. I do realize that most readers will grok her terminology just fine but I mention it because it can be a bit dangerous as some people try and suppress anger, envy, or hate rather than using them to reach a goal or survive a dangerous situation.
I approve of the thrust of this book and I think most people will glean some value out of the learning clearly and simply stated without the confusion of needing to know a bunch of academic terminology or the need to devote a long time to read it. Maybe an hour and a half of time to improve your emotional intelligence is very much worth it.
I received this product for free in exchange for an honest review as an advanced review copy or ARC.
I enjoyed the book but there were a half dozen times I paused and had to edit in my mind's eye the way something complicated was phrased awkwardly or simplistically.
Also, the overall vein of the book is most applicable to neurotypical people which can become problematic when applied to people with Dark Triad traits or on the Austistic Spectrum.
It would have been nice to tie in personality and personality traits to emotional intelligence and how it is expressed via Big 5 but that might have pushed the book out of the target audience's range and interest.
Speaking of the target audience I believe this would be a really useful book for many guys who haven't really thought about their emotions before who may pale at too many academic words and concepts but can appreciate the straight forward honesty and simplicity of the author's phrasing and vocabulary in this text.
The meat of the book begins about halfway through after the author lays out the terms and basics.
The use of the term negative emotions sort of irritated me. I view emotions as tools and neither positive or negative. What makes an emotion negative or positive is how you use the tool. I do realize that most readers will grok her terminology just fine but I mention it because it can be a bit dangerous as some people try and suppress anger, envy, or hate rather than using them to reach a goal or survive a dangerous situation.
I approve of the thrust of this book and I think most people will glean some value out of the learning clearly and simply stated without the confusion of needing to know a bunch of academic terminology or the need to devote a long time to read it. Maybe an hour and a half of time to improve your emotional intelligence is very much worth it.
December 8, 2020
I happily recommend the book, Emotional Intelligence: why emotions are great tools but bad bosses by Diane Weston. This is a self-help book that is easy to read and broken into logical sections like a free flowing conversation.
Probably most people who pick up this book are aware that our emotions control so much of our lives. The author states that those who are emotionally intelligent tend to have better relationships and therefore more success in their careers and personal life. While there is argument about whether emotional intelligence can be scientifically measured, Ms Weston aptly points out that the science measurability is unimportant, but rather it is important what we choose to do with our emotions and empathy towards others.
I really like how the author lays out different examples to show how we may react with different levels of emotional intelligence and various skills. Readers can either identify themselves in these quick examples, or think about others in these scenarios. The imagery of these examples is vivid allowing the reader to instantly picture the scene, but short and not drawn out or scolding.
Probably most people who pick up this book are aware that our emotions control so much of our lives. The author states that those who are emotionally intelligent tend to have better relationships and therefore more success in their careers and personal life. While there is argument about whether emotional intelligence can be scientifically measured, Ms Weston aptly points out that the science measurability is unimportant, but rather it is important what we choose to do with our emotions and empathy towards others.
I really like how the author lays out different examples to show how we may react with different levels of emotional intelligence and various skills. Readers can either identify themselves in these quick examples, or think about others in these scenarios. The imagery of these examples is vivid allowing the reader to instantly picture the scene, but short and not drawn out or scolding.
December 31, 2020
Loved it! Amazing short read :)
August 4, 2021
An ok book. Rather repetitive. If I hadn't been reading it as part of a book club, I wouldn't have finished it.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews