Sometimes Therapy Is Awkward: A Collection of Life-Changing Insights for the Modern Clinician

by Nicole Arzt

Sometimes therapy is awkward. And sometimes it's also painful, messy, and downright confusing. In its much-anticipated release, this guide chronicles the strange nuances of working in mental health in the modern world.

Sometimes Therapy Is Awkward provides refreshingly candid insight into what it takes to feel more confident and prepared to help others.

This guide offers stories, jokes, and action-based solutions

coping with excruciating insecuritiesimproving clinical skills navigating the workplacesetting healthy and effective boundariesmanaging burnout and compassion fatigueunderstanding mental health treatment in the modern world

Using introspection and humor, Arzt offers a practical roadmap for aspiring therapists, new therapists, and any therapist who identifies with feeling afraid or uncomfortable in their work.

Genres: Psychology, Counselling, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Social Work, Audiobook, Self Help

177 pages, Kindle Edition

Published December 10, 2020

About the author

Nicole Arzt is a practicing psychotherapist, speaker, and the author of Sometimes Therapy is Awkward and For the Love of Therapy.

Practicing for over a decade, she primarily treats complex and developmental trauma and existential stressors with a specialized focus on supporting newer therapists. She's held previous positions in school-based settings, non-profit healthcare, and inpatient mental health and substance use treatment.

Nicole is the founder and owner of Soul of Therapy LLC, a boutique writing and SEO business for therapists. Her work has been featured in Choosing Therapy, Psychology Today, WebMD, Forbes, Fortune 500, and The Today Show. Soul of Therapy provides expert-level byline, ghostwriting, copy, and consultation services for mental health professionals seeking to grow their practices.

In 2018, Nicole founded Psychotherapy Memes, a global community with over 160,000 followers worldwide. Check it out on Instagram at @psychotherapymemes.

Nicole enjoys consulting and speaking with new therapists about working in mental health. She has been interviewed for several mental health podcasts and has been privileged to be a keynote speaker for numerous conferences throughout the United States.

Learn more at www.nicolearzt.com

Reviews

[Nina (ninjasbooks)]

This is probably useful for new therapist, and it was well-written enough although I felt it jumped a bit from one thing to another. For more seasoned therapists I’m not sure it will add anything new.

[Karina Eugenio · Rating 5 out of 5]

So, I am a fairly recent mental health counselor in the field. I graduated 2 years ago, but still feel fairly new in the field. Personally, I needed to read this book at this exact moment because of how burnt out I’ve felt trying to hold space for my client’s feelings and hold space for my own emotions while navigating a pandemic, systemic racism, an election, and my own personal ordeal with having COVID. I’ve been exhausted as of lately! But this book reminded my of why I chose this field, and why we do the work we do. It doesn’t matter if you’re a seasoned therapist, or fresh in the field - this book is a great read!

[Kira · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have to admit that I was a bit disappointed with this book. ( I listened on Audible)

It was lacking depth or nuance of some kind and could have probably been written with half the pages. I think I would have preferred if some parts would have been less autobiographical (I do this and that) and more general.

It feels like pretty standard advice, some parts are so obvious that I would be seriously worried if a therapist would have not already considered some of these things.

Nevertheless, Nicole has obviously good intentions to make therapists feel less lonely, there were a few useful things in there and perhaps if you are having a rough time, this could be uplifting. I strongly feel this is for people in the beginning of their career.

I would recommend reading Lori Gottliebs “Maybe you should talk to someone” instead as I find the way of writing much more skilled and wholesome.

[Stacey Gregory Martin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have a love-hate relationship with this book. As a newer clinician, I value reading about struggles that I relate to, being in a very challenging yet rewarding field. On the other hand, some of the book's content, as another person said, feels more directed towards individuals who are still in graduate school, and comes off as a bit patronizing to someone who isn't. And last but not least, I wish the author would have spoken more about her identity and how it shows up in her work. There is little to no discussion of power and privilege in this book. As an MSW graduate, naturally I find that disappointing.

[Vitalijus Gafurovas · Rating 3 out of 5]

Siunčiausi iš Štatų popierinę, nes rėmiau autorę Patreone ir buvo galima gaut su autografu ir palinkėjimu. Tai knyga gana prastos išleidimo kokybės, vietomis net šriftas pasikeičia. Tai atperka tik palinkėjimas. Vis dėlto, turinio prasme knyga įdomi, netradicinė, parašyta su daug humoro ir netgi tokiu interneto postų stilium šiek tiek. Target auditorija - jauni psichologai arba psichoterapeutai. Kalba apie dalykus, kurių šiaip terapinėse knygose nerašo. Aišku, nemažai US būdingų dalykų, kurie nelabai aktualu Lietuvoj, bet nuo to prastesnė netampa. Biški gal per daug neformaliai parašyta.

[Krysta · Rating 4 out of 5]

⭐️ 3.75 -

My biggest takeaways:

💛 As a therapist, your insecurities show you care

💛“You don’t need to have all the answers, people need to know you care.”

💛 “Behind every successful therapist is another therapist supporting them”

💛 Things will get worse before they get better for clients in therapy and this phase can last a long time (weeks, months, years)

💛 We can’t measure progress in therapy just by client’s level of happiness; progress can also be measured by increased self awareness, strengthening boundaries, or changing negative behaviors.

💛 Its okay to be in this line of work and desire money, exposure, and the possibility of exciting opportunities

💛 “Procrastination isn’t about time management, distractions, or laziness; process is always about fear”

My favorite thing from this book, besides hearing about her very similar and validating stories of starting out as a therapist, was her advice on finding people who know not to take life too seriously. I think this one is especially a good reminder due too how deep and intense our line of work can be and that it is okay to be silly and find joy even when our jobs and life in general become hard.

I recommend to all my newly or soon to be graduated mental health professional girlies :)

[Rachel Seyfert · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author wrote this book because she wished she had a book similar to this to read once she completed graduate school and went on into the field. I wish that this book was around once I began a clinical internship/new job in the field because I believe it would have helped and eased some nerves. A few years into the field, I still found myself able to relate, and Arzt's humor throughout was appreciated. It was humanizing. That being said, the chapters did seem to lack flow and my personal OCD was all over the place with the headings and mix of fonts at times. I would absolutely recommend for someone starting out in the field- I plan to pass this along to a new therapist :)

[Chaitra · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was as if this book was written exactly for me! I loved it so much. Of course it's not a perfect guide book to every practicing, new and yet to be therapists but it's definitely a book that helps you deal with loads of misconceptions and esteem problems. There's no such book to help one start in the field. You learn as you put yourself into the arena. This was something I needed to be reminded of. The first chapters relieved me of so much of anxiety and the author literally showed me that whatever one feels when it comes about start being a professional to the questions they keep asking themselves if they are really, really right for this field and etcetera are totally normal and not an absolute sign of a grand failure. I loved how the author gives her personal experiences and suggestions which I was looking for. The emphasise on how the self care of a therapist is as important as of their client was beautifully put. There was something nice about the way the author approaches the readers that made this book really an awesome read. Again not a perfect book but something needed for low esteemed people like me.

[Lisa M. · Rating 2 out of 5]

As a social worker, I started my career doing therapy, took another path, and returned. I wanted to be prepared for my new position so I purchased this book (and others) that are commonly suggested for folks starting to provide therapy.

First of all, Arzt makes it clear that she is out here to hustle and make her money and achieve her dreams of being a writer. That's fine. But she stretched this book to do that. The font is incredibly large and there seems to be no reason for this except to stretch out the length of the manuscript and make it more "book-y?" I am confused by this choice and it is distracting.

Outside of that, this book is intended for a specific audience of graduates/fresh post-graduates, which is fine, just be aware going into it. I found some of this really helpful but a lot I could leave. It more specifically targets counselors who are working in private practice--for those of us in community/other organizational settings, some of this is not applicable.

I'm a social worker and we get a bad rap, but I would NEVER choose another field. This book reeks of classism--Arzt openly admits that prior to working in community mental health she assumed her clients would be, well, like her--white, middle-class. It is wild to me that her background in LMFT work (and other reviewers here) didn't encourage her to consider how her powerful position in society could influence her work...? So much space in this book (and presumably Arzt's training) focuses on countertransference....talk about something that can really play into that. For these narrow reasons, my rating decreases. Arzt talks aboutucommunity mental health as a training opportunity, and not a place to do incredibly radical, important work.

There was definitely a lot of good in this book--all common factors types of stuff--but lots of a middle aged white woman talking about how she wants to monetize her therapeutic knowledge after using a diverse, impoverished setting to become an "expert." I'm definitely side-eying that.

[Lauren · Rating 1 out of 5]

Worst written book by a 'professional'. Missing citations/footnotes. Reads like a cross between a journal, random notes, a blog and scattered ideas. There is not support or depth to the ideas or chapters. This is obviously lacking a publisher and self published. Each chapter has huge bold semi-titles at the beginning of each paragraph or section. Honestly a 12yr old wrote this book and I'm sending it back to amazon.

[Jordyn Kay · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would actually give this 3.5 stars if that was allowed. I really wanted to like this book, and while there were some good tidbits and pieces I jotted down, it just wasn’t as helpful as I had hoped. It might be more helpful or applicable for someone who has yet to enter the field or is just graduating, but I found the information quite basic, completely opinion based, and a bit unorganized. I think the intent was good, but the execution could have been better.

[Josephine · Rating 1 out of 5]

It’s like being scolded by a grad school advisor who teaches ethics crossed with that patronizing uncle who spends family events warning you about “the real world.” A couple of brief moments of insight, but overall an exhausting lecture.

[Katherine Bentsen · Rating 2 out of 5]

This gets a resounding “it’s fine.”

[Miriam · Rating 1 out of 5]

Gave up 2/3rds the way through. Weak and fluffy, very American and not my thing.

[Bailey McRitchie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great read (or in my case, listen) for a therapist working on getting their footing! I appreciated the variety of topics covered and personal anecdotes that were both encouraging and convicting.

[Paige · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick and easy read. I found it to be quite helpful as a novice therapist. It didn’t always flow in a sensible way, but enjoyed it nonetheless. I also found it odd that she didn’t include any citations.

[Samantha · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was okay. I think it’s more towards new therapists rather than seasoned (me, seasoned hahaha after six years) therapists. Still helpful to have some reassurance that I’m not alone.

[Tiana Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

All beginning counselors need to read this book. Nicole does an amazing job of speaking to the experience of being a counselor that many do not, which has a profound effect or normalization. I found her chapter on “How to be a better therapist when you still feel clueless” to be exactly what I needed to hear as I’m finishing up my graduate degree and still feeling clueless. Above all, I appreciated how she normalized not humble-bragging through a therapy book about how you miraculously cured all your clients’ problems like some master therapists have done. It made this book instead feel relevant, relatable, and practical. I’m sure I will continue to re-read this one for years to come.

[Christina · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very much along the line of other 2-3 stars reviewer. I think this might be helpful for someone who is in grad school vs new clinician/therapist. Even then, I would recommend not taking everything in this book by heart. It’s only one person’s opinion (emphasize on opinion of just ONE). It’s very surface, broad, and some what boring. I couldn’t finish the book. If you want better story telling/therapeutic book, read Lori Gotlieb’s Maybe You Should Talk to Someone. That’s a wonderful book for new and seasoned therapist alike.

[Cat · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a first year student I took some helpful points from this book! I read it all in one sitting and it was easily digestible as the author intended.
At the same time more could have been done in terms the editing and organization. For example, below some headings is paragraph or two and the ideas could have been fleshed out more cohesively. The authors input about herself and her choices I disregarded at times - I took what I needed and left the rest

[Katie Adams · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really, really wanted to love this book. I follow the author on social media and enjoy her posts there. However, calling this book a collection of “life changing” clinical insights is a big stretch and leads to disappointment. The insight is rudimentary and reads like career advice for new clinicians.

[Asher Swift · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was full of the stuff they don’t tell you about doing the work. Incredibly validating - a must read for new, eager therapists.

[Nickita Love · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved how authentic the author is when addressing insecurities and the challenges faced as a therapist

[Grace Ellen Hanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Giving this a 4 because that’s what I give all books that are good but not particularly memorable

[Amy Williams-Bates · Rating 2 out of 5]

I could see this being good for someone in grad school, in their internship, or new therapist. If you’ve been in the game awhile, you won’t really learn anything new. She did make me never want to start a private practice though lol. Also sometimes I feel like she wrote more to fill up space. Ultimately, not for me.

[Megan Bevers]

This was an excellent, encouraging, and light-hearted read for new therapists. I listened to the audiobook but plan on getting a hard copy to be able to reference back to it.

[Maggie]

grateful that i no longer relate too much to this book

[Amanda Feldman · Rating 5 out of 5]

The perfect book to read in between jobs + transitioning to private practice :)

[Muskan Bagdiya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Must read for every mental health professional, however, the book felt dragged at times. Also, certain things did not seem relevant in Indian context as I believe it is written from American mental health system perspective

[Porshai Nielsen · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars.

This book is definitely better for students in MSW, CMHC, LMFT programs, or very recent graduates of those programs. I don't believe there is much you would get out of this if you have been in the field for a long time. In the first half, I was thinking this would be a 5-star read. It is not that the end is bad, but I just really only related during the first half. The second half of the book should not be news for people in programs or recent grads. The author's advice about handling a client who is actively suicidal or disclosing sexual/elder abuse is overly simplistic for someone who is already in practicum or practicing.

The author spends a lot of time talking about imposter syndrome, self-disclosure, and how our first few interactions with clients can be really difficult. These frank conversations made me feel comforted. I also found the section regarding evaluating your intentions when working with clients who are like yourself, such as a therapist who has dealt with addiction and is working with people in substance use recovery. So many of us in social work want to give back what we have received (or provide the care that we didn't receive) but the author brings up the considerations for doing this. This was something I actually brought up in supervision; is providing your real-life experience and expertise worth the higher risk of countertransference or struggling to remain objective? This was a good reminder that doing this kind of work does not inadvertently heal yourself and in fact, can be triggering to the therapist.

Overall, there was a lot of comfort to be found in this book for a baby therapist like myself. It also helped that the author became a therapist at a young age, before they were married and had kids, and still developed quality client rapport with older folks.

"Therapists sit with raw emotion for a living. We dissect and play with vulnerability. And then we often go home and reflect on everything we said or wish we had said. The work is messy and we inevitably doubt, discredit or shame ourselves. We are not failures, even if we think we are. Accept that those feelings will arise."