The Sexually Healthy Man: Essays on Spirituality, Sexuality, & Restoration

by Andrew J. Bauman

I grew up in the Southern Baptist church of the '90s during the height of the True Love Waits movement, accompanied by Joshua Harris’ bestseller, I Kissed Dating Goodbye. If you don’t know what I am referring to, consider yourself blessed. Many of the ideas perpetuated by this culture were infused with fear and shame, offering no practical help or guidance in equipping young people to become healthy sexual human beings. As I approached adulthood, I became accustomed to feeling shame around my sexuality; trying to white-knuckle purity and falling short over and over again. This left me feeling full of self-hatred and hopelessness. I hope for this book to serve as the guide I wish I’d had, providing comfort and clarity to those who find themselves in a similar struggle for sexual health. I have written these essays not only for men but also for women who want to understand what healthy sexuality can look like in a partner. May this book be life-giving to your sexual healing. May courage accompany you as you engage with these essays of spirituality, sexuality, & restoration.

Genres: Sexuality, Psychology, Christianity, Nonfiction

97 pages, Kindle Edition

Published November 16, 2020

About the author

Co-Founder & Director of the Christian Counseling Center: For Sexual Health & Trauma (CCC), Andrew J. Bauman is a licensed mental health counselor with a Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology from The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology. He spent 10 years studying under Dr. Dan Allender. Andrew is the author of Floating Away, Stumbling Toward Wholeness, The Psychology of Porn, and (with Christy) A Brave Lament.

Reviews

[Kerry]

I was thoroughly moved by this book. It’s now filled with highlighted statements. It even moved me to tears.

After a lifetime of being sexually exploited and objectified I long to find a sexually healthy relationship. This has given me plenty to contemplate.

I highly recommend this book to anyone looking to challenge their basic sexual assumptions after being saturated in this porn-preoccupied culture.

[Μαρία]

Μια εύστοχη τοποθέτηση, αναλυτική, στο συλλογικό τραύμα που έχει επιφέρει το πορνό (και η χρήση του) στη σεξουαλική υγεία. Γόνιμοι προβληματισμοί και συλλογισμοί.

[Rachel L.]

Reread 2022

Kindle Unlimited. Quick read. Super thought-provoking, especially on the consequences of porn use on male/female relationships. Sparked some great conversations as I read sections to my husband and helped to put words to some of what we’ve seen. (Some of it was kind of out there for me, honestly, but it was worth reading.)

[Melinda Borda]

This is an excellent book about cultivating sexual health for men. There are general essays about what it means to view women as people rather than simply as a collection of attractive body parts. The author shares his personal experiences of being addicted to pornography and about the work that he had to put in so he could cultivate a healthy way to view his own sexuality as well as for how to view women. There is a lot of talk about pornography.

I originally picked this book up because I want to find some good resources for my sons when they are in high school for learning about healthy sexuality. The strong emphasis in this book on pornography addictions while not graphic might not be helpful for teens if they haven't struggled with a pornography addiction. Also the author talks about cuddle therapy as part of what he chose to do when he was working on building a healthy view of sex . . . and I don't think that mentioning cuddle therapy to a teen would be best. With that said, there are certain essays that would be quite helpful, but I don't envision handing this book to a teen to be read in its entirety.

[Jessica Grissom]

Second Time

This is only the second time I’ve read a book on male sexuality - the other being Sheila Wray Gregoire’s new release. I liked Andrew’s honesty and examples. Some of the the therapy sessions he talked about were out of my comfort zone like the hugging/holding one or the therapist touching his stomach. I don’t know how to process that yet, but the rest I felt was honest and addressed the root problems and not just the symptoms.

[Lisa]

I’ve heard a lot of good things about this author, but I often struggle with the disconnected feeling of books that are a collection of essays rather than a more full logical development of a central thought. I’d like to read something else by Bauman and see if I like it better. I could see these essays being helpful for discussion in situations where you want to talk about something short though.

[Rebecca Johnston]

Helpful and resourceful starting place

I (Joel Johnston) enjoyed this read because it was a helpful and healthy starting place for me to hear from another man who understands addiction, trauma and health as well as actually helping to define what being healthy looks like. Andrew’s thoughts and resources help and I have already encouraged other to read this book.

[Amanda]

Generally good

Good content with some odd bits. Definitely trying to walk a line between more conservative and progressive Christian theology and discussions of sex. Definitely uses more liberal language that might be difficult to process if you're coming from a more conservative background. So I think a lot of people who need the core message won't hear it.

[Daniel Mcgregor]

The only problem with this book is that it is too short. Good content, a great challenge to be porn-free and sexually healthy. There is I believe much more to explore and guided into exploring about the make sexual self that this book only teases at.

[Charlotte Christine Cuthbert]

Spirit of truth.

The honesty in this book blew me away the bravery wasn't expecting what happened on his journey was shocked for a second thank u understanding is everything for growth. I'm a mother with son's thank u again 💗

[Teena D Lykins]

Helpful in understanding a man's struggle and the process of healing. This is an issue that the church needs to address in a healthy way.

[Tim Ice]

good read

I was expecting a little more out of this book. I feel it could have been a bit more specific but not a bad book.

[April Honeycutt]

Excellent read! This is hand down the best book on Christian male sexuality that I have read to date!!

[Garrett]

I found this a very thought-provoking and encouraging book. So many resources on sexuality directed towards Christian men seem to focus solely on what not to do OR how to be a good husband. These may be helpful conversations to have, but I've been challenged by a handful of books in the past couple of years to move the center of the conversation towards healthy sexuality - not just keeping a grapple hold on lust, but imagining a positive vision of manhood, married or not.

[Marcus]

The most helpful, honest, and raw work I have ever read on male sexuality. As a recovering porn addict with a very wounded past, this book has given me hope to believe deep healing can happen, while also being upfront about the cost and necessity of bleeding for healing. I highly recommend this book.