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352 pages, Paperback
Published June 2, 2021
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I stood then and he looked up to the stands and when he found me I mouthed a word to him. From a distance it might have looked as though I had said the word Mum but what I had said was ‘Man’ because I thought then that he was sixteen, nearly seventeen, and that he had in that swim become one. (302)
I began to concentrate on the feeling of her forehead against mine. I couldn’t help it. I thought of Mum and how her forehead kissed mine as it flew past and had left a line there. This thought did not kill the moment because the moment was too great but it meant that this was the extent of it. (266–267)
I could see the whiteness of her scalp at close range. For a fraction of a second I thought of my mother’s head and more specifically of my mother’s hair; sometimes when Eden and I were small we’d play with it as she talked on the phone. (160)
The curve of her body had that look to it, that bending down to get something look, because she had been decapitated, because our mum was in two places and neither of them was where we needed her to be.
Light. Orange light. It swirled from a van or truck.
My own head bruised and bleeding, a gash between my eyes. Mum’s head had kissed or smashed into my forehead as it had shot past. There was hot blood in my lap. It streamed from my face, my chest. It was mine, it was Eden’s, it was Mum’s. (15)
She said, ‘Carm.’
‘Calm?’
‘I call myself Carm now.’
‘Instead of Carmelina?’
‘I needed to change,’ she said. (254)
‘Are you finished with Carm?’
‘Finished?’ I said.
‘Has it ended with Carm?’ he said.
‘I didn’t keep Carm,’ I said. I only used that name for her because he had. (301)