Greyboy: Finding Blackness in a White World

by Cole Brown, Leon Nixon (Narrator)

An honest and courageous examination of what it means to navigate the in-between
 
Cole has heard it all before—token, bougie, oreo, Blackish—the things we call the kids like him. Black kids who grow up in white spaces, living at an intersection of race and class that many doubt exists. He needed to get far away from the preppy site of his upbringing before he could make sense of it all. Through a series of personal anecdotes and interviews with his peers, Cole transports us to his adolescence and explores what it’s like to be young and in search of identity. He digs into the places where, in youth, a greyboy’s difference is most acutely felt: parenting, police brutality, Trumpism, depression, and dating, to name a few.
 
Greyboy: Finding Blackness in a White World asks an important question: What is Blackness? It also provides the answer: Much more than you thought, dammit.
 

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Essays, Social Justice, Race, Biography, Biography Memoir

7 pages, Audiobook

First published September 15, 2020

About the author

Cole Brown is an author, producer, and political commentator. His first book, Greyboy: Finding Blackness in a White World was a finalist for an NAACP Image Award and selected for Steph Curry’s “Underrated” book club. His first co-authored book, First Impressions, was released in May ’22. Black Love Letter's, an anthology Cole co-edited, released in October 2023 on John Legend's Get Lifted Books imprint. Cole’s opinion writing appears in GQ, W, CNN, NBC, and others. He was a 2022 Forbes 30 Under 30 in Media honoree. Today, he lives in New York working on various literary and film projects.

Reviews

[Kevin · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Consider the fallen. Tamir was twelve. John Crawford was shopping. Tamir was twelve. Jordan Davis liked rap. Treyvon Martin was in a gated community. Renisha McBride needed help. Tamir was twelve. The sheer randomness of their unnatural ends seems a boast on the measure of death’s wingspan, that it can reach out and touch us at will. But somehow this relentless accumulation of tragedy diminishes our anger and fear instead of compounding it. Why?”

Greyboy is neither biography nor memoir. Author Cole Brown refers to it as his “scrapbook.” All the stories are true but not all of the stories happened to Brown. This is more dramatization than documentary, more reenactment than recollection. It has a prose that is awkward until you discover its cadence and then it flows almost effortlessly.

At first I couldn’t relate to Brown’s vignettes. Of course I couldn’t. He writes about what he calls “tokenism,” about being the only one of something. I was never a mixed race kid caught between two realities; a kid too black for whiteness and too white for blackness. I read this the only way I could, in third person. An outsider looking in.

But then came chapter seven, Parents Understand, where Brown writes about being raised at the business end of a belt. I could relate to that. And then in chapter ten, The Reveal, his response to Trump’s election in 2016 was my own. It was exactly as I would have written it if I could write this forcefully and powerfully.

Cole Brown writes about coming of age in troubled times. He writes about being different, about being judged, and about being unwelcome. The technique of his writing verges on poetry which works until it doesn’t, but when it does it is breathtaking.

[Sara Broad · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Greyboy" by Cole Brown is a series of essays about the author's experience growing up as one of the limited number of black people in a majority white environment. Brown's experience as a "token" (his words) range from being one of the only black people vacationing on an island to his experiences at largely white private schools. This book is prescient in that the schools where Cole attended are now being spotlighted for fostering environments where unchecked racism and sexual harassment by other students and staff on various Instagram profiles. "Greyboy" also highlights that regardless of opportunities and privilege, our society's toxically racist culture combined with the experiences of being an adolescent needs to be changed. This is a great read.

[Shana · Rating 4 out of 5]

***Thanks to NetGalley for this ARC***

In this collection of essays, Cole Brown writes about his experience as a "token," or a Black person who, due to class privilege, ran in largely white circles. At this intersection, he makes nuanced observations and reflects both deeply and beautifully about what his identity means to both him and to others. I was taken aback to find that Brown is quite young because he writes with such a sage voice, but it makes sense in hindsight because the youth are really killing it right now with their activism and truth-telling and so much more. I sincerely hope to hear more from Brown and suspect we will as more and more people recognize what greatness he has to offer.

[Melanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think that Brown makes some excellent points. However, I really didn't feel the book was very cohesive. I know this is about his experience, but for me it was harder to follow in an audio format. We really do have two caste systems in the USA that are unacknowledged - race and income. Brown is able to talk about both from a more minority perspective.

How did this book find me? It was selected for the April 2021 selection by Stephen Curry for his book club Underrated hosted through the Literati Bookstore in Austin, TX. Literati has discontinued all adult book clubs January 2023.

[2TReads · Rating 4 out of 5]

-But the lifeline I grabbed onto, the one that dragged me from the swirling cyclone, was authored by mystics who'd plumbed deeper depths than I'd ever come to know. They told of how black Blackness could get and how bright as well. They insisted upon my worth, and their generations became the pedestal I learned to balance upon-.
⏳
In Greyboy, Brown chronicles his experience as a token through a collection of think and reflectory pieces. It is a canvas on which he paints his occupation of a certain space that was dictated both by his privilege and race.
🧭
He recounts not being embraced by locals while vacationing in the Bahamas and being ignored by a beautiful Black woman: believing that she owed him her attention because they were the only spots of melanin among a sea of white vacationers- "She'd strayed too far away, and these white folk had captured her. It wasn't comfort that I saw, it was duplicity. She'd forgotten our common language".
⌛
He delves into having to deal with microaggressions and racist jokes from white cohorts and friends at his private school, having to code-switch to prove to one group or the other that he could relate, even if his status within a space reserved for whites called the extent of his Blackness into question- "Oh, Cole's not really Black". "Privilege delivered me from the brink that pigment pushed me toward".
🧭
He also explores how the way Black boys talk, walk, and dress, where they go, and the music they listen to is immediately viewed as them being dangerous or up to no good and are then treated as a threat, more often than violently and fatally.
⏳
What I loved about this book is that Brown included the experiences of his other Black friends(male and female), the difference in how discipline is taught and administered in Black households, his sister's role and influence, how protective he is of her, how his views and thoughts evolved and matured, and of course, the strength and teachings of his mother.
🧭

[Martine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Greyboy is a series of essays by a self-proclaimed token black man about finding his place in the world. The writing was beautifully eloquent, the anecdotes heartbreaking. I appreciated a "token person's" view of tokenism and the discussion it led the author to have about being the only in a room almost your whole life thus far. This is is the second book I finished today that addressed the 2016 presidential election through the lens of the marginalized. Such a perspective always hammers home the point for me that America is a messed up place, especially right now, and that people are hurting deeply because of it.

As people flesh out their anti-racist reading lists to continue their lifelong journeys, I would highly recommend this read. This is the second essay collection I've read this year about blackness in America, but this one comes from a very different perspective. I think such diversity within commonality is extremely important for people to grasp. I also think it is more impactful to read and comprehend these true stories of other humans, as opposed to fictionalized accounts, although there are certainly other benefits to diverse and own voices fiction. These essays might also help some people reach their own conclusions outside of reading self-improvement works on the topic, although those types of reads should also continue to be prioritized.

On the whole, I found this to be a heart-wrenching, heart-warming read. It's hard to put my finger on why this is not five stars for me, except that the writing style took quite a bit of getting used to (reading sections out loud seemed to help with this) and that some of the essays seemed repetitive (though this could help hammer home the point for some).

[Andre(Read-A-Lot) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hmmn. Mr. Cole Brown has a bright future as an essayist. He writes this series of essays with a maturity that is rare of someone his age.

His eloquence and humor make this an entertaining read as he recounts his young growing experiences as a token. At times the book has a bit of, ‘woe is me’ feel because he wanted to embrace the ‘blackness’ that he viewed as authentic but his upbringing-private schools, country club access, etc.,- often put him in spaces where he was the only Black person, the token!

So, at times he was too black, in other settings, not black enough. It’s easy to get how trying to fit in, especially during the high school years can be a difficult task, so in that respect I think the book will resonate with anyone who has tried fitting into a space that seems to reject them.

And that’s the big takeaway for all, the only authenticity is your authentic self. Embrace that. And let the chips fall where they may.

“Token times proved instructive. Life as the only teaches one to parse the ignorance of the ill-informed from the ignorance of the malicious. And hopefully, to curtail the power of those microaggressions that comprise the former.”

To have the prolific and esteemed author, scholar, professor Michael Eric Dyson write the afterword of your first book, is quite the coup. I think it speaks to the talent and potential of Mr. Cole Brown. We will most definitely see him again.

[Andréa]

Note: I accessed a digital review copy of this book through Edelweiss.

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was absolutely wonderful, I've been singing its praises to anybody around me this past weekend. Beautifully written, I devoured every word. It's about growing up Black in a very White environment, and being the only/or one-of-only. Cole summered in Martha's Vineyard, attended hoity toity prep schools, and was the token "but you're not really Black" kid for much of his childhood and reflects on his time with such grace. If you've ever been the only or felt like the only, please pick this book up. For everybody else, it's also such a worthwhile read.

[Shannon Meloche · Rating 5 out of 5]

(more of a 4.5 i had to adjust to his writing style in the beginning which took me a bit to actually get into) besides that i loved this book and the concepts he focuses on. i really liked that cole goes through his life and the specific moments he had to face as he grew up and living in predominately white spaces. and what it means to grow up black in america and specifically a black man in america. he highlights the struggles, discrimination and racism he faced all the way through post college years (also during the trump era)

very powerful, recommended read

[Iain Sharp · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredible and powerful series of essays that were written so beautifully, and packed a punch about the lived experience of being a young Black man raised in a very white world. Cole's story is one that I'm sure many can relate to, and one that white people like me can educate ourselves from, and I'm very glad he has shared his story.

[Natalia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Insanely good writing and going on my list as one of my favorites.

[Giulia Martins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Greyboy is a well-written, witty and emotional collection of essays that will give you a different perspective on race and equality in America.

Cole writes in an accessible and informal manner without losing depth. He found a sweet spot where I felt I was just having a chat with him but I also had to constantly reflect deeply upon the experiences he shared.

Content-wise, the book challenged my preconceived notions of race shedding light on different facets of being black in America. Assuming that societies will move towards the improvement of social mobility for minorities*, I believe Cole’s book will become even more relevant once the dichotomy between money / social class and race starts to blur more broadly.

To summarize, Greyboy was a quick and enjoyable read yet extremely thought-provoking.

*I know it’s a big assumption. Studies have shown that upward mobility in the US has been declining in the past decades but let me dream a little bit here.

[Clare · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cole Brown grew up in an affluent neighborhood and was pretty much the lone black child in the schools he attended. He related with vivid honesty the feeling of not really fitting in no matter which world, black or white, he was navigating through and how he strived to find his self in the process.
The writing is so visceral it makes a tangible impact.

[kateri · Rating 5 out of 5]

cole, if you’re reading this, great book and thanks for the TV

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Greyboy” is part memoir, part journalistic storytelling and part essay collection. The debut author, Cole Brown, comes from a life a privilege. Despite being raised in a mostly white world, he is often ostracized by his friends and teachers for his choices and the color of his skin. Sometimes Cole is too white, sometimes he’s not black enough. Sometimes his friends see his skin color, sometimes they don’t. We witness how he gets stuck in the unknowing. Is he comfortable where he is, straddling both worlds, both colors? Or, should he choose differently? This is the question he grapples with, among others.

The essay topics are what you might expect from a young person: insecurities; revelations of racism; “the talk”; young love; alcohol and drugs; friendship; death; political injustice; police brutality; and family life. As a reader, I found that Cole’s most impressive essays were his takes on relationships, especially whether to choose for love or skin color. I appreciate his vulnerability, his approachable, narrative prose; and his intellect. One of his more powerful essays are of about his “reveal” moments. Those times when he absolutely feels his “otherness,” when reality cannot be unseen. In an early essay, we learn a good lesson from Cole’s father that was taught to his by his mother: “Black people in America don’t get the luxury of making mistakes, so be careful.”

Because “Greyboy” was written over a number of years—starting while Cole was still a teen—I found the level of writing and some of his stories to be disjointed and inconsistent. It’s for this reason that I rate this book four stars instead of five. That said, I enjoyed it and look forward to reading Cole Brown’s future works. I think he’s on his way to becoming one of the gifted storytellers from our next generation.


Special thanks to NetGalley, Skyhorse Publishing and Cole Brown for a gifted electronic copy of “Greyboy” in exchange for my honest review.

[Jim KABLE · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Inbetweener - In the Best Place

This is a thoroughly honest analysis of self - via ancestry and class through school days and negotiating the ever widening outside world when perceived merely by fact of skin-toning as truly beyond-the-pale. It is impressive to understand the age of the writer and the depth of his investigation of his situation especially in the ugliness of these Trumpian days. As I write this polls in the 2020 US presidential election have closed and Trump is already claiming his triumph and denouncing “fraud” which might actually be because he knows that the likely result is actually that the other side has won...there are “interesting” days ahead. #BlackLivesMatter is as much my pink-Anglo concern as it is for those whose ethnic profile is not mine - both in the US and indeed in my native Australia. I found aspects of my young greyboy self in Cole Brown’s understand (a) as teenager growing out of a narrow fundamentalist protestant sect - being separate from “the world” - in it but not of it, and (b) of living nearly two decades in Japan and often being the only or almost the only “gaijin” in the rural parts where I lived and taught. Not unpleasantly so - but never invisible always “on show” - always the ambassador. Always hearing “Ah! Amerika-jin!” Answering: “Chigau...Oosutoraria-jin desu ga...”! (I’m Australian.) No not really of the hundreds of years of accumulated racist assumptions of the US nightmare (it never was a “dream”)! This book is merely the first “chapter” in this young man’s output - he is another Ta Nehisi Coates... I highly recommend this beautiful and moving book!

[Yasmine · Rating 4 out of 5]

In Greyboy, we glimpse vignettes of Brown's life thus far. We learn through Cole's eyes what it felt like to be tokenized since boyhood, othered by white classmates while also being made to feel not Black enough, and what moving through today's world as a Black boy and eventually, a Black man entails. I really appreciated that Cole not only wrote from his perspective, but also shared his friends' stories and their relationships with Blackness. The most touching pieces in the book were whenever Cole discussed his family members and the impact they've had on him.

I did find the writing somewhat inconsistent, and at times frustratingly so. I didn't quite jive with Brown's writing style in general in many places, but I still enjoyed his stories and especially his dry wit.

Thanks to NetGalley and Skyhorse Publishing for the eARC!

[Kaleb · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an interesting look on a perspective that isn’t really talked about much. Cole shares his experiences of trying to fit in to a White world while not steering too far away from the Black world. He’s still young so some of the recent events that involve race in America are discussed. I could relate to some of what he talked about. Specifically my time going to a majority White school and some of the challenges that you have to deal with. Very good read.

[Giovanni García-Fenech · Rating 3 out of 5]

Insightful and incisive, but ultimately too limited. Brown clearly has it in him to write a killer book, he just needs to expand his focus beyond his friends and family; I'm sure it's just a matter of time and experience.

[Cassandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Powerful read. Compelling and timely story of self discovery. Raw and passionate writing.

[Hilary · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are a few things I genuinely did not understand about Greyboy.

1. Why did he call his book Greyboy? I am mixed race and I would be called greybaby growing up, (you know, black and white equals grey?) but Cole is not mixed. When I looked up Greyboy I found this definition: a white person who has the superior racial attitude to colored people (most notably slaves) attributed to white Southerners during the United States' Civil War or a wigger aka a white person acting black. In his last chapter in the novel, he expounds upon what it means to be in the gray area as a Black guy trying to find his way in a white world, but the title still doesn’t resonate with me. I genuinely do not understand his book naming choice…
2. His feeble attempts at self-deprecation came off douche-y. It is clear he has pretty low self-esteem and maybe being more mature would’ve cured that? He’s young. Was he ready to write this book? I don’t know, but he came off inauthentic right from the beginning.
3. He throws the word token around quite a bit, when he doesn’t have the life experiences to entirely back it up. A token is someone who is included in a group to make believe that group is trying to be fair and includes all types of people when that’s really not true. Sidney Poitier was a token. Barack Obama is a token. Halle Berry is a token. Cole Brown is not. He is just struggling to stratify both black and white worlds when he identifies more with white culture in the way he moves about society because that’s the culture under which he was raised.

Now, white folks have had the right to be mediocre or even less than in publishing since the dawn of books. Cole has that right too. However, I find less than mediocre folks to be problematic and “greyboy” is no exception. 3/5 stars only because I empathize with his plights as a person of color but I am more than disappointed with his delivery.

[Natalie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Greyboy is as eloquent as it is thought-provoking. Recounting his experience as a token Black man in a series of essays, Cole kindly provides the reader with necessary pauses for self-reflection. His perspective is fresh and his prose is effortlessly rich. Cole’s own self-awareness is evident in the tone of the book, which is unpretentious and illuminating.

Despite its short page count, it is brimful of everyday encounters that I, as a white woman, have been privileged to avoid. Violent run-ins with the police, ill-intended judgments of interracial relationships, outright and unapologetic racism from classmates and strangers alike, helpless isolation in institutions which are meant to be safe (i.e. school), etc. But perhaps the most prominent question that hangs in the balance, and that Cole challenges throughout his “scrapbook”, is how we characterize success in America. Too often white Americans write off the flaws of this country as a side effect of our hyper-individualized culture – and in the process, we continue to marginalize those who never had a welcome seat at the table. Greyboy does not point fingers or cast blame; rather, in telling his own story, Cole prompts his readers to consider their unique role in this marginalization. For those who play the role of Black token in their lives, he offers a safe place of belonging. For those Black men and women who were not afforded the same monetary privileges as him, or the same racial passing privilege, he offers compassion and understanding. And for his white readers, he offers a nonjudgmental perspective on how we can more effectively understand the complexities and hostility of what it’s like to have a seat at the table as a Black man, possibly even challenging whether or not that seat is there.

[Faith Fox · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is some of the most gorgeous prose I have read in a while.
I love memoirs and this one is no exception. Best I can tell, he is about the same age as me, maybe a year or two younger, so the cultural references were quite relatable and that also made it an easy and compelling read.
His narrative centered around tokenism, something I had never thought too deeply about until last semester when a professor centered a class session around it. Now I want to email her and suggest this book.
Overall, I can't fully relate and therefore cannot fully understand. But I value the experiences he has shared and I see that there is nuance to him. He feels totally at home in very few crowds, with very few women, and in very few spaces because of the marriage of the privilege of his upbringing and the color of his skin.
I think my favorite reflection of his was upon the Jack and Jill club his mother made him be a part of, how he resented going and then found it a necessary network of fellow tokens. Honestly, I was jealous. In my own way I have many crowds that I don't feel totally safe in, and I wish I had a whole network of people who got it.
Maybe that's not the point that Mr. Brown wanted me to walk away with, but that's the part that hits me most personally. And I really appreciate the rest of what he had to say also.

[William · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thank Cole Brown for a deeply human book. It is also generous in sharing with honesty and compassion the road he has walked between and within two cultures. There is (appropriately) these days a lot of political discussion about diversity in the US. Cole's focus is more micro and personal, and is enlightening for almost anyone who has not been a token or discussed these issues with friends of different backgrounds than their own.

I'm glad it appears on reading lists here and there, but it does not seem to have yet acquired the breadth of readership it deserves. I live in Maine, a state where this book would be enlightening to many (if they were willing to read it). As far as I could tell, in all the libraries in this state, there is only a single copy, and it took me a while to get it.

Brown's focus is more optimistic than not, though tempered with an understanding of reality. One essay includes memorable quotes from Rabbi Heschel and Martin Luther King. The note on which Brown concludes was especially moving to me. "I did not want to look to all sides with loathing and suspicion. I chose hope instead." It's often hard to be hopeful about American society in these difficult times, but it is worth holding onto as best we can.

[Liz · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was hoping this would be more of a nuanced commentary on the idea of passing in relation to skin tone and gender identity but... it was kind of just about being wealthier and how that made it hard for him to relate to other black people?? The entire thing is just a little too cocky for me, I'm not going to pretend that he didn't make some good and interesting points but I'm also not going to pretend he didn't admit that it took him until adulthood to see women (especially black women) as full people and to realize that maybe his friends from UVA and Georgetown are racist. I think if he had written the book once he was older and a little less cocky it would've been a lot better but for now, I'm going to be harsh and give it 2 stars because there are so many other memoirs about personal experiences in relation to race that I've read that are infinitely better than this. I'll be interested to see what he writes in the future though.

[Jordan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cole recognizes his positionality, intersectionality, and privilege in this thoughtful memoir that sheds light on the struggle of finding one’s identity and success in a complex world as a mixed person. His storytelling through personal memories, letters to and from family members and friends, as well as important quotes from mainstream media help him navigate an unique perspective towards tokenism, dating, discipline, social circles, injustice, racial slurs, police brutality, and politics. One quickly recognizes the importance of the symbolism of the black table in the cafeteria or his first white girlfriend to learn important lessons about systemic racism, stereotypes, micro aggressions, prejudice and the role that power and privilege play against minorities. His writing is superb and easy to follow along as each section is carefully crafted to give insight on a topic that needs to be discussed more.

[Susan Lomanno · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a remarkable young man! Growing up privileged in white neighborhoods and schools, this young black man struggled between his white friends’ world and the contrasting world of scholarship-black kids at his school. He brings to life the reality and feelings in high school of the black lunch table and the white lunch table. Going into experiences way beyond high school, Cole Brown shares how he felt “grey”, not truly belonging anywhere. Wit, esoteric thinking, sensitivity, and brutal honesty abound in his journey. I learned perspectives new to me and was shocked I had never heard of Martese Johnson!! Entertaining as well as gut wrenching. A Greyboy named Brown living between Blacks and Whites.

[Matt Rule · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so beautifully written that I had a hard time putting it down. Cole Brown’s Greyboy offers a unique perspective on what it means to be a young black man growing up in a white world.

But despite being a middle aged, working class white Aussie, figuratively and quite literally worlds apart from where Cole grew up, I could relate to so many of the challenges Cole faced in adolescence and young adulthood, trying to find how and where he fits in the world.

It just goes to show that despite how different we may be, our humanity transcends all. Thank you Cole, for letting me peer into your world and feel a oneness with you and your experience.

[pugs · Rating 5 out of 5]

tokenism while growing up with rich white kids, outlining the fortunes and difficulties that come with having the "model american" blueprint as foundation, a -modern- look with liberal color-blindness "i'm not racist, my ___ is ____" as the backdrop, brown writes great essays, pouring his experiences (and heart) out on the page; it feels like sneaking around and reading someone's diary at times, you feel the ache, humor, and moments of cringing along with him. but also his pride, joy, and growth. and at just the right page length. i look forward to seeing what brown writes next.