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Salvar tu vida: La superación del maltrato en la infancia
Pocos expertos abordan el problema del maltrato infantil con la empatía y la claridad que caracterizan a la psiquiatra Alice Miller, quien lleva casi treinta años estudiando los traumas derivados de estos abusos. En Salvar tu vida, verdadero legado y quintaesencia de sus investigaciones, Miller no sólo explica, como en sus ensayos anteriores, la dinámica entre las causas y las consecuencias de la violencia contra la infancia, sino que revela cómo es posible superarla. Para ello, en primer lugar, propone establecer una nueva forma de comunicación con uno mismo y con los demás; el adulto que ha sufrido maltrato en su infancia, "en lugar de compadecer a los padres, comprenderlos y culparse a sí mismo..., ha de ponerse del lado del niño maltratado que una vez fue". De esta forma, la autora se introduce en un territorio no hollado hasta el momento, pues, en su opinión, nadie ha explorado la cuestión de lo que un niño siente cuando sufre maltrato, ni tampoco los efectos que la represión de estos sentimientos producen en la vida del adulto y en todo el entramado social.
352 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2007
86 people are currently reading
1013 people want to read
About the author
Alice Miller
17 books1,059 followersAlice Miller was a Polish-Swiss psychologist, psychoanalyst and philosopher of Jewish origin, who is noted for her books on parental child abuse, translated into several languages. She was also a noted public intellectual.
Her book The Drama of the Gifted Child caused a sensation and became an international bestseller upon the English publication in 1981. Her views on the consequences of child abuse became highly influential. In her books she departed from psychoanalysis, charging it with being similar to the poisonous pedagogies.
Her book The Drama of the Gifted Child caused a sensation and became an international bestseller upon the English publication in 1981. Her views on the consequences of child abuse became highly influential. In her books she departed from psychoanalysis, charging it with being similar to the poisonous pedagogies.
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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
April 18, 2021
Me interesa mucho el trabajo de Alice Miller, psicóloga conocida por su trabajo en maltrato infantil. Leí hace poco El cuerpo nunca miente y me abrió los ojos que hablara de la sacralización de los padres «honrarás a tu padre y a tu madre». En este se centra algo más en entrevistas (reconozco que puede ser una parte tediosa), diarios y la superación del maltrato en la infancia por medio de la compasión con el «niño interior». Me gusta leer a alguien que habla de ponerse del lado del niño y de sacudirse culpas que no corresponden.
July 25, 2009
In her latest study, Free From Lies, famed psychologist Alice Miller examines the way child abuse shapes the psyche and the effect it can have on humanity. While the human brain has an incredible ability to normalize traumatic events, Miller argues that abuses suffered in childhood can never truly be repressed. It appears as though humanity is suffering from a collective amnesia regarding the wrongs we suffered in infancy. These wrongs, according to Miller, will manifest themselves later in life. We see evidence of this everywhere—in the form of domestic abuse, war, and genocide—all of which are prominent throughout our history. Those who have been able to break away from the cycle of abuse (a minority of about ten percent) are not without their problems, often suffering from serious health conditions later on in life.
Miller argues that humanity has, for the most part, come to define child abuse as "good parenting." The negative implications of this are two-fold: first, the child develops conflicting views regarding their parents, who act simultaneously as care-giver and as tyrant, and secondly, that the general, worldwide acceptance of child abuse will ensure it is passed down from generation to generation.
Miller examines horrific dictators like Adolph Hitler, revered icons like Marilyn Monroe, serial killers, and domestic abusers. While the common denominator among her subjects is, of course, child abuse, Miller looks at the way her subjects have been psychoanalyzed. She argues that history tends to analyze and treat severely traumatized and/or psychotic adults by looking at the symptoms of their pain rather than determining the causes of it. Miller stresses the importance of asking the right questions when dealing with these seemingly traumatized adults. This, according to Miller, is the only way to determine the root cause of abuse and determine the appropriate course of therapy.
Free from Lies is a logical, well-documented study that examines the ideologies that society has been reluctant to confront. Miller challenges others in her field head-on, wondering aloud why some child psychologists continue to deny and document the existence of child abuse. Not only is her fearless study convincing and engaging, the book is also extremely readable. Miller's approach to writing is refreshingly no-nonsense; she refrains from padding her observations with diatribes and academic-speak, ensuring her work can be read and enjoyed by a mainstream audience.
A compelling read, Free from Lies belongs on the bookshelves of everyone from the novice to the well-seasoned psychoanalyst. This important study has all the trimmings of a classic in the making and it is bound to invite and create debate and dissection for many years to come. The study is best appreciated through multiple reading as it will reveal new truths and insights each time. If we want to better our communities, it is imperative we understand our own inner-workings. Free from Lies will serve as an excellent aid by promoting open discussion and release from our own forgotten abuses.
Review by Cheryl Santa Maria
Miller argues that humanity has, for the most part, come to define child abuse as "good parenting." The negative implications of this are two-fold: first, the child develops conflicting views regarding their parents, who act simultaneously as care-giver and as tyrant, and secondly, that the general, worldwide acceptance of child abuse will ensure it is passed down from generation to generation.
Miller examines horrific dictators like Adolph Hitler, revered icons like Marilyn Monroe, serial killers, and domestic abusers. While the common denominator among her subjects is, of course, child abuse, Miller looks at the way her subjects have been psychoanalyzed. She argues that history tends to analyze and treat severely traumatized and/or psychotic adults by looking at the symptoms of their pain rather than determining the causes of it. Miller stresses the importance of asking the right questions when dealing with these seemingly traumatized adults. This, according to Miller, is the only way to determine the root cause of abuse and determine the appropriate course of therapy.
Free from Lies is a logical, well-documented study that examines the ideologies that society has been reluctant to confront. Miller challenges others in her field head-on, wondering aloud why some child psychologists continue to deny and document the existence of child abuse. Not only is her fearless study convincing and engaging, the book is also extremely readable. Miller's approach to writing is refreshingly no-nonsense; she refrains from padding her observations with diatribes and academic-speak, ensuring her work can be read and enjoyed by a mainstream audience.
A compelling read, Free from Lies belongs on the bookshelves of everyone from the novice to the well-seasoned psychoanalyst. This important study has all the trimmings of a classic in the making and it is bound to invite and create debate and dissection for many years to come. The study is best appreciated through multiple reading as it will reveal new truths and insights each time. If we want to better our communities, it is imperative we understand our own inner-workings. Free from Lies will serve as an excellent aid by promoting open discussion and release from our own forgotten abuses.
Review by Cheryl Santa Maria
January 13, 2024
Les douleurs de l'enfance ne se guérissaient jamais meme après de longues années, des sentiments douloureuses après de nombreux traumatismes de la peur ou meme du dénie ne se disparaissent jamais, et ces douleurs nécessitaient un grand soutiens psychologique de ces enfants pour qu ils puissent continuer leurs vies en paix, en sérénité avec le minimum des complications psychologiques possibles.
Les traumatismes de l'enfance, la violence ou le viol se sont des traumatismes inoubliables et incurables, ce livre a porté beaucoup des conseils pour ces victimes de l'enfance.
Trop beau livre intéressant.
Les traumatismes de l'enfance, la violence ou le viol se sont des traumatismes inoubliables et incurables, ce livre a porté beaucoup des conseils pour ces victimes de l'enfance.
Trop beau livre intéressant.
May 8, 2019
This is one of the last books by Alice Miller, and kind of represents her theories in a more complete way than maybe in the beginning - with more mature theory. The first part of the book is more like a book, and then it goes into Q & A and interview. I liked the shorter more poignant way this book is, but then the latter part seemed more like filler content. Anyway, Alice Miller was a controversial and direct author on hot topics with challenging views - but I like it and agree a lot too both when she states the obvious "don't hit a child" but also her reasoning behind it seems well argued although maybe a bit independent(lack of references).
July 28, 2023
No he leído mucho de maltrato infantil pero sí he asistido a terapia psicológica con un buen número de psicólogos y lo que me impresionó de este ensayo es que por primera vez el psicoanalista se está poniendo del lado del niño maltratado y no de los padres maltratadores. Es muy común que en la consulta terapéutica te motiven a entender y perdonar a tus padres, porque según ellos, hicieron lo mejor que pudieron con los recursos que tenían en el momento que tú eras niño. Esta perspectiva no solo no me hacía sentido puesto que muchos padres son negligentes e indiferentes al sufrimiento de su hijo, sino que también me servía poco para resolver el rencor que le tengo a mis padres por los años de abusos cometidos. Lo infinitamente liberador del planteamiento de Alice Miller es que propone que está bien sentir odio hacia aquellos que fueron tus agresores, el odio nos indica que la violencia, la indiferencia y la negligencia de nuestros padres nos causa rechazo e indignación, y no debemos dejarnos cegar por la creencia cultural de “honrarás a tus padres” cuando tus padres abusaron de tu inocencia, tu confianza y la absoluta dependencia que tenías de ellos. Este odio, dice Alice, va a ir disminuyendo en intensidad con el paso del tiempo siempre y cuando conozcas bien tu historia, la historia de tu infancia. Esto yo lo puedo corroborar de primera mano y por experiencia propia.
Alice nos plantea que es necesario reconocer quién es el origen del odio que sentimos, porque si no lo identificamos, entonces podemos descargar nuestra ira en personas inocentes, y explica que esto es exactamente lo que sucede con los criminales puesto que ellos suprimen la ira y el odio que sienten hacia sus padres y las descargan en sus víctimas.
Alice tuvo mi atención captada desde el inicio en donde arranca con una frase que para mí, es muy contundente: “Mientras la violencia contra adultos se denomina tortura, en el caso de los niños se considera educación. ¿No es esto ya una muestra clara y significativa de la existencia de un trastorno en el cerebro de la mayoría de las personas, de una «lesión», un agujero de violencia precisamente en el lugar en el que debería encontrarse la empatía, en especial la empatía con los niños?”
Al principio tenía mis dudas con algunas afirmaciones de Alice, por ejemplo, que el suicidio, la agresividad, las enfermedades crónicas, la depresión, los trastornos alimenticios, las adicciones, etc. son consecuencia del sufrimiento negado de la infancia; sin embargo, leyendo varios artículos científicos recientes, de fuentes confiables y con una metodología robusta sobre el maltrato infantil y el abuso sexual infantil, pude corroborar que todos estos síntomas son, efectivamente, consecuencias del maltrato y el abuso sexual.
Ya compré otros libros de Alice Miller porque pretendo leerlos todos.
Alice nos plantea que es necesario reconocer quién es el origen del odio que sentimos, porque si no lo identificamos, entonces podemos descargar nuestra ira en personas inocentes, y explica que esto es exactamente lo que sucede con los criminales puesto que ellos suprimen la ira y el odio que sienten hacia sus padres y las descargan en sus víctimas.
Alice tuvo mi atención captada desde el inicio en donde arranca con una frase que para mí, es muy contundente: “Mientras la violencia contra adultos se denomina tortura, en el caso de los niños se considera educación. ¿No es esto ya una muestra clara y significativa de la existencia de un trastorno en el cerebro de la mayoría de las personas, de una «lesión», un agujero de violencia precisamente en el lugar en el que debería encontrarse la empatía, en especial la empatía con los niños?”
Al principio tenía mis dudas con algunas afirmaciones de Alice, por ejemplo, que el suicidio, la agresividad, las enfermedades crónicas, la depresión, los trastornos alimenticios, las adicciones, etc. son consecuencia del sufrimiento negado de la infancia; sin embargo, leyendo varios artículos científicos recientes, de fuentes confiables y con una metodología robusta sobre el maltrato infantil y el abuso sexual infantil, pude corroborar que todos estos síntomas son, efectivamente, consecuencias del maltrato y el abuso sexual.
Ya compré otros libros de Alice Miller porque pretendo leerlos todos.
December 13, 2016
Vacillates between a 2 and a 3.
This book is merely a gathering of interviews, essays, snippets of previously published materials.
If you have read any of Miller's seminal work (Drama of the Gifted Child, The Truth Will Set You Free, The Body Never Lies, The Untouched Key, Thou Shalt Not Be Aware), then this has nothing new to really offer.
The chapter of a mother's diary I found particularly weird and not useful and the chapter where you read Miller's answers to questions posted on her website is also mildly bizarre to read, because you only have this answer with no context. In some letters Miller vaguely mentions why the reader was writing, but overall those two chapters were an utter wash. But if you want some random vaguely disjointed work all cobbled together- this is for you.
Personally, it was not the best of Alice Miller by any means.
And if you are really interested in doing the emotional work that Miller refers to repeatedly, but never models or explains how. It is imperative you FEEL to heal, but she doesn't give any directions on the best way to begin that journey, read "The Language of Emotions" by Karla McClaren to get a better bead on the 'how-to's' of connecting with your emotions.
This book is merely a gathering of interviews, essays, snippets of previously published materials.
If you have read any of Miller's seminal work (Drama of the Gifted Child, The Truth Will Set You Free, The Body Never Lies, The Untouched Key, Thou Shalt Not Be Aware), then this has nothing new to really offer.
The chapter of a mother's diary I found particularly weird and not useful and the chapter where you read Miller's answers to questions posted on her website is also mildly bizarre to read, because you only have this answer with no context. In some letters Miller vaguely mentions why the reader was writing, but overall those two chapters were an utter wash. But if you want some random vaguely disjointed work all cobbled together- this is for you.
Personally, it was not the best of Alice Miller by any means.
And if you are really interested in doing the emotional work that Miller refers to repeatedly, but never models or explains how. It is imperative you FEEL to heal, but she doesn't give any directions on the best way to begin that journey, read "The Language of Emotions" by Karla McClaren to get a better bead on the 'how-to's' of connecting with your emotions.
August 14, 2021
This book is a bit all over the place, but the message is clear. There are parts that I recommend skipping, which I read in its entirety. I guess since it's her last book, I really wanted to read everything, but this made the book less enjoyable.
In part III there are answers to readers' letters. These letters supposedly were published online in the past, but I guess they are taken down. I was looking forward to reading the letters, since the author intended to pass on things that she was unable to formalise, but alas.. the letters in this book are no longer online.
Many other letters are still online though at:
https://www.alice-miller.com/en/infor...
The most valuable part of the book was once more the diary at the end of it. And I suspect this diary to be her own diary with names modified, or perhaps it is once again a mix of her own life story and that of others. Parts of the story I could really recognise as parts of my own story, and other parts made me more aware of other people's stories. It's good to read this part, because it helps you recognise your own traumatic experiences, how you respond to them, and how you can deal with them.
🙏🏽
In part III there are answers to readers' letters. These letters supposedly were published online in the past, but I guess they are taken down. I was looking forward to reading the letters, since the author intended to pass on things that she was unable to formalise, but alas.. the letters in this book are no longer online.
Many other letters are still online though at:
https://www.alice-miller.com/en/infor...
The most valuable part of the book was once more the diary at the end of it. And I suspect this diary to be her own diary with names modified, or perhaps it is once again a mix of her own life story and that of others. Parts of the story I could really recognise as parts of my own story, and other parts made me more aware of other people's stories. It's good to read this part, because it helps you recognise your own traumatic experiences, how you respond to them, and how you can deal with them.
🙏🏽
January 19, 2023
1*-ing this one because of the claim that recovering from abuse means you won't become a victim of rape. classic victim-blaming couched in the language of empowerment. rapists are to blame for rape, not their victims - that goes for any and all circumstances, any time, every time.
September 11, 2024
Started out as a good therapy book then transitioned to her talking about how Hitler did what he did because his dad pushed him down the stairs and then basically spent the rest of the book beefing with people that disagreed with her theories. I don't know man, I lean more towards the tabula rasa theory of development but did EVERY murderer, rapist, terrorist, etc. have a traumatic childhood? Every single one?
December 2, 2021
Siempre es una delicia leer a Alice Miller, valoro mucho su trabajo y su consigna de abrir los ojos tanto psicólogos y adultos sobre el maltrato infantil.
Ojalá fuera tan fácil entender los abusos, aceptarlos y trabajarlos y que las personas alrededor repitieran el ciclo, el mundo sin duda sería diferente, pero la realidad es otra, que mal que exista la religión y se propague “la educación” como medida y como parte de la violencia que mal los patrones repetitivos de conducta y que mal que su trabajo no lo conozcan todos.
Ojalá fuera tan fácil entender los abusos, aceptarlos y trabajarlos y que las personas alrededor repitieran el ciclo, el mundo sin duda sería diferente, pero la realidad es otra, que mal que exista la religión y se propague “la educación” como medida y como parte de la violencia que mal los patrones repetitivos de conducta y que mal que su trabajo no lo conozcan todos.
April 15, 2014
Not the usual fair for a "favorite books" list, but Alice Miller was recommended to me by my psychiatrist. It's a book about the repressed childhood abuse that later breeds self-hatred and sickness. I don't agree with many of her points, and a lot of it is anecdotal, but Alice Miller and her stance on anti-forgiveness and protecting the child, not the parents, is a refreshing take on childhood trauma.
November 6, 2011
Pretty good book on the effects of child abuse and how the adult body holds the memory of it that the mind represses. This isn't considered the pinnacle of the authors work and theory, it's just the one I happened to find. I wish I'd of read "The Drama of the Gifted Child" but this is the one that came my way and I think that I got the gist her theory.
October 1, 2018
Includes Alice’s confrontation letters to her parents that of course never reached their recipients but had a great deal of a healing effect. It is possible to remember ones childhood trauma through listening to one’s body - it remembers everything unlike the brain which represses traumatic scenes and feelings associated with it for the child to survive.
Want to read
July 11, 2015Got to page 110 (Chapter - Misleading Information) before having to return the book to the library
December 10, 2017
Great supplement to the Drama of the Gifted Child. The organization of the book could have been more streamlined - some material repeats more than necessary.
Read
December 14, 2021Bien el principio pero no entiendo el punto de las respuestas a las cartas de los lectores. Tendría sentido si mínimamente publicaran la carta o la pregunta.
June 28, 2022
En inglés se llama Free from lies: discovering your true needs.
February 4, 2024
Un ensayo completo donde la autora nos habla del origen de la violencia , todo es un ciclo interminable de abusos y humillaciones reforzado por los supuestos roles romantizados de la familia. Solo se podrá salir de este bucle si uno se anima a ver más allá del origen , conocer sus raíces y no evadirlo con tantas fórmulas existentes hoy día. Así como reformar los estilos de crianza , respecto al maltrato de la infancia y que exista congruencia respecto al decir y actuar , esto solo se logra si uno está dispuesto a conocer las raíz de sus miedos e inseguridades
Un libro de cabecera para retomarse
"¿Por qué hay personas que no soportan a un niño inocente y lleno de vida , por qué lo etiquetan de "pecaminoso" en intentan por todos los medios mutilar su esencia, de tal manera que se convierta en una persona como ellos ?"
Un libro de cabecera para retomarse
"¿Por qué hay personas que no soportan a un niño inocente y lleno de vida , por qué lo etiquetan de "pecaminoso" en intentan por todos los medios mutilar su esencia, de tal manera que se convierta en una persona como ellos ?"
August 18, 2019
Interesting book. It exposes several thoughts/theories/observations that it had been in my mind for several years now, so it resonated to me a lot. I found the last section, the "diary of a mother", highly touching...
Despite that, my rating is "low" because:
* I found it too "binary" and simplistic in her identification of "the main source of evil/suffering".
* Maybe too redundant with the message, too repetitive sometimes...
* Despite the high value that I give to the author's experiences and opinions, and how much they resonate to me, unfortunately not a single study is mentioned to back up anything (no data, no scientific studies, no numbers at all, nothing...).
Despite that, my rating is "low" because:
* I found it too "binary" and simplistic in her identification of "the main source of evil/suffering".
* Maybe too redundant with the message, too repetitive sometimes...
* Despite the high value that I give to the author's experiences and opinions, and how much they resonate to me, unfortunately not a single study is mentioned to back up anything (no data, no scientific studies, no numbers at all, nothing...).
July 22, 2019
Very well written. Very relatable.
March 16, 2025
The last part was a deal-breaker for me.
June 14, 2018
I can think of no more important work than the work of Alice Miller.
June 9, 2015
This book was a revelatory read. Eye opening and life changing.
I REALLY wish Alice Miller was still alive, because I would've loved to have gotten to know her. She seemed like a fascinating person!!
This book sheds light in corners I've never heard talked about. Corners that needed exposing long since. I wish I could give this book to everyone I know without anyone taking offense, and actually have them glean from it what I have. Discussion is the spark to an idea catching like wildfire.
This book is just chock full of valuable and insightful information. It's more about identifying the problem, the source, the cause, etc. If you are looking for the next step, how to address the issue/problem, look into a few of her other books.
I REALLY wish Alice Miller was still alive, because I would've loved to have gotten to know her. She seemed like a fascinating person!!
This book sheds light in corners I've never heard talked about. Corners that needed exposing long since. I wish I could give this book to everyone I know without anyone taking offense, and actually have them glean from it what I have. Discussion is the spark to an idea catching like wildfire.
This book is just chock full of valuable and insightful information. It's more about identifying the problem, the source, the cause, etc. If you are looking for the next step, how to address the issue/problem, look into a few of her other books.
December 24, 2013
Miller is on her strongest ground when she is delivering her unique, empowering insights into the personal psychology of healing from abuse. No one does it better, and for that reason I recommend this essay collection despite its unevenness. I'm less convinced by her essays that purport to explain all societal evils as child abuse reenactment. It's surely a factor, but in my view she discounts structural inequalities too much (poverty, racism, etc.).
Read
April 28, 2020تخطيت صفحات كتير لإحساسي بتكرار وسرد مستفيض .. ربما متكونش التفاصيل دي مهمة بالنسبة لي وتكون مهمة لمختصسن بالمجال .. مش عارفة .. بس حسيته ممكن يختصر او بتقال المفيد منه ف كام صفحة .. عموما بيلفت النظر لنقطة مهمة جدا ف التربية للأطفال واللي اتفاجئت انها بره الوطن العربي كمان .. أعتقد انه أليس ميللر تستحق اني اشوف لها كتب أكتر ..ده كان اول قراءة ليها
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews