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The Absent Father Effect on Daughters: Father Desire, Father Wounds
Winner of the Internationl Association for Jungian Studies (IAJS) Book Award for Best Clinical Book 2021
The Absent Father Effect on Daughters investigates the impact of absent – physically or emotionally – and inadequate fathers on the lives and psyches of their daughters through the perspective of Jungian analytical psychology. This book tells the stories of daughters who describe the insecurity of self, the splintering and disintegration of the personality, and the silencing of voice.
Issues of fathers and daughters reach to the intra-psychic depths and archetypal roots, to issues of self and culture, both personal and collective. Susan E. Schwartz illustrates the maladies and disappointments of daughters who lack a father figure and incorporates clinical examples describing how daughters can break out of idealizations, betrayals, abandonments and losses to move towards repair and renewal. The book takes an interdisciplinary approach, expanding and elucidating Jungian concepts through dreams, personal stories, fairy tales and the poetry of Sylvia Plath, along with psychoanalytic theory, including Andre Green’s ‘dead father effect’ and Julia Kristeva’s theories on women and the body as abject.
Examining daughters both personally and collectively affected by the lack of a father, The Absent Father Effect on Daughters is highly relevant for those wanting to understand the complex dynamics of daughters and fathers to become their authentic selves. It will be essential reading for anyone seeking understanding, analytical and depth psychologists, other therapy professionals, academics and students with Jungian and post-Jungian interests.
The Absent Father Effect on Daughters investigates the impact of absent – physically or emotionally – and inadequate fathers on the lives and psyches of their daughters through the perspective of Jungian analytical psychology. This book tells the stories of daughters who describe the insecurity of self, the splintering and disintegration of the personality, and the silencing of voice.
Issues of fathers and daughters reach to the intra-psychic depths and archetypal roots, to issues of self and culture, both personal and collective. Susan E. Schwartz illustrates the maladies and disappointments of daughters who lack a father figure and incorporates clinical examples describing how daughters can break out of idealizations, betrayals, abandonments and losses to move towards repair and renewal. The book takes an interdisciplinary approach, expanding and elucidating Jungian concepts through dreams, personal stories, fairy tales and the poetry of Sylvia Plath, along with psychoanalytic theory, including Andre Green’s ‘dead father effect’ and Julia Kristeva’s theories on women and the body as abject.
Examining daughters both personally and collectively affected by the lack of a father, The Absent Father Effect on Daughters is highly relevant for those wanting to understand the complex dynamics of daughters and fathers to become their authentic selves. It will be essential reading for anyone seeking understanding, analytical and depth psychologists, other therapy professionals, academics and students with Jungian and post-Jungian interests.
192 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 29, 2020
313 people are currently reading
5199 people want to read
About the author
Susan E. Schwartz
3 books39 followersSusan E. Schwartz, Ph.D., Jungian analyst and clinical psychologist is a member the International Association of Analytical Psychology. She has taught in numerous Jungian programs and presented workshops and lectures in the USA and many other countries.
Susan has articles in several journals and chapters in books on Jungian analytical psychology. She has a book published by Routledge in November, 2020 entitled, The Absent Father Effect on Daughters, Father Desire, Father Wounds. Her analytical private practice is in Paradise Valley, Arizona, USA and her website is www.susanschwartzphd.com
Susan has articles in several journals and chapters in books on Jungian analytical psychology. She has a book published by Routledge in November, 2020 entitled, The Absent Father Effect on Daughters, Father Desire, Father Wounds. Her analytical private practice is in Paradise Valley, Arizona, USA and her website is www.susanschwartzphd.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 56 reviews
October 14, 2023
2.5. A topic so worth exploring but the book reads more as a philosophical essay, and while it has valuable insights and explores important themes, I find it not very friendly for a casual reader who's looking for answers.
March 8, 2024
"The father wound is a wound that is often hidden, but it is a wound that is always present. It is a wound that is often felt, but it is a wound that is rarely spoken."
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June 27, 2021I stopped reading after the fifth chapter. I don’t understand Jungian analysis so I predicted from the beginning that it would be hard to follow. The book makes assumptions and goes on explaining why they happen. I say assumptions because even with the clinical examples it is not clear why daughters suffer from the absence of their fathers in that particular way. I am still interested in the topic but this book is not for me.
May 15, 2021
Ach, the best book I've read all year, if not in the last 5 years. This is very well written and has accessible Jungian themes throughout. I've no doubt I'll reread this again more than once.
What I particularly like is the personal, cultural and mythical significance of this work. Schwartz raises what Jung and others do not, the archetype of the Father is of equal import as the Mother. And without this thinking, no fluidity of the masculine and feminine can be fully actualised.
Thoroughly brilliant.
What I particularly like is the personal, cultural and mythical significance of this work. Schwartz raises what Jung and others do not, the archetype of the Father is of equal import as the Mother. And without this thinking, no fluidity of the masculine and feminine can be fully actualised.
Thoroughly brilliant.
June 10, 2023
There are a couple valuable insights in the book, but I found it repetitive and not as helpful as I had expected it to be. Just skim-read most chapters!
April 1, 2023
Didn’t finish. Abandoned after chapter 3. Too much psychological philosophy and not enough psychological science.
July 9, 2025
well this was a depressing read ... 5/5 stars
Schwartz raises what Jung and others do not, the archetype of the Father is of equal import as the Mother. And without this thinking, no fluidity of the masculine and feminine can be fully actualised.
draws on Jungian psychology, dream analysis, myth, and literary insight
What happens to a daughter when the father she longs for is absent – not just in body, but in presence, care, or emotional availability?
notes:
- the “dead father effect,” the idealized father complex, and the silencing of the feminine contribute to psychic fragmentation
- e.g. In Greek myth, King Agamemnon was punished by the goddess Artemis for killing a sacred deer. To appease her, Agamemnon was told to sacrifice his daughter, Iphigenia. Instead of telling her the truth, he tricked Iphigenia into coming to the port by promising marriage to the hero Achilles. There at the port, Iphigenia discovered the horrific reality: her father had chosen his military ambitions over her life.
- daughters still find themselves “sacrificed” on the altar of their fathers’ absence. They’re betrayed by their fathers’ distance, indifference, and failure to be present.
- Often, the daughter is left searching anxiously for a connection that never materializes. She may blame herself for the lack of relationship, accepting responsibility for something that was never within her control.
- Western culture has historically undervalued the father-daughter relationship. Even Carl Jung, despite having four daughters, wrote only one essay specifically about fathers.
- A key impact of a father's absence is the daughter’s loss of both healthy aggression and desire.
- Lacking a father’s emotional affirmation, a daughter may become hyper-aware of others’ needs while suppressing her own. Many become either hypervigilant people-pleasers or emotionally shut down.
- Imagine a father looking directly at his daughter and seeing nothing. His gaze passes through her like she’s made of glass. There’s no warmth, no recognition – just a blank stare. This image captures what psychoanalyst André Green called the dead father effect. It describes how emotionally disconnected fathers create daughters who absorb this psychological deadness and lose their vitality in the process.
- mentally, he’s checked out – depressed, preoccupied, or unable to connect. His disengagement transfers silently to his daughter, leaving her with a haunting sense of invisibility. Over time, she stops expecting to be seen at all.
- This psychological deadness drains a daughter’s life force. Green described it as psychic impotence – a state of endless internal monotony. Daughters affected by it often drift through life in a fog of boredom, anxiety, or creative paralysis. Their minds repeat the refrain, “I can’t” or “It won’t work.” They lose faith in their instincts, feel detached from desire, and struggle to make decisions.
- Grace had spent years trying to please her distant father, then married a depressed man with an addiction whom Grace was determined to “save.” Like many daughters, she had unconsciously made it her life’s work to bring a dead-father figure back to life, sacrificing her own vitality in the process.
- unless it’s confronted, his psychological absence becomes a daughter’s internal truth.
- Aidy dreamed of a “sadistic father” who pursued her and her children with malevolent intent. Her psyche had transformed her father’s absence into an internal tyrant.
- animus – Jung’s term for women’s inner masculine energy. The animus can be either creative or destructive, depending on how a daughter relates to it.
- it requires giving up the fantasy of the perfect father
- Psychoanalyst Helene Deutsch identified the “as-if” personality in the 1940s. “As-if” individuals appear socially capable and warm on the surface, but lack genuine feeling and connection inside. Often, “as-if” women are hypersensitive to criticism, desperate to please, and terrified of making mistakes.
- he eternal “daddy’s girl.” She remains psychologically frozen in youth, vibrant and dreamy – but trapped in the idealization of her father. She avoids growth, aging, and depth. And instead of developing her own identity, she orients her life around male approval. Jung called this the femme à home
- Autoimmune conditions disproportionately affect women – accounting for nearly 79 percent of all cases. This staggering number suggests more than biology. It points to a deeper link between emotional wounding and physical illness. When a father is absent or emotionally disengaged, a daughter may internalize that rejection so completely that her own immune system begins to treat her as the enemy.
Schwartz raises what Jung and others do not, the archetype of the Father is of equal import as the Mother. And without this thinking, no fluidity of the masculine and feminine can be fully actualised.
draws on Jungian psychology, dream analysis, myth, and literary insight
What happens to a daughter when the father she longs for is absent – not just in body, but in presence, care, or emotional availability?
notes:
- the “dead father effect,” the idealized father complex, and the silencing of the feminine contribute to psychic fragmentation
- e.g. In Greek myth, King Agamemnon was punished by the goddess Artemis for killing a sacred deer. To appease her, Agamemnon was told to sacrifice his daughter, Iphigenia. Instead of telling her the truth, he tricked Iphigenia into coming to the port by promising marriage to the hero Achilles. There at the port, Iphigenia discovered the horrific reality: her father had chosen his military ambitions over her life.
- daughters still find themselves “sacrificed” on the altar of their fathers’ absence. They’re betrayed by their fathers’ distance, indifference, and failure to be present.
- Often, the daughter is left searching anxiously for a connection that never materializes. She may blame herself for the lack of relationship, accepting responsibility for something that was never within her control.
- Western culture has historically undervalued the father-daughter relationship. Even Carl Jung, despite having four daughters, wrote only one essay specifically about fathers.
- A key impact of a father's absence is the daughter’s loss of both healthy aggression and desire.
- Lacking a father’s emotional affirmation, a daughter may become hyper-aware of others’ needs while suppressing her own. Many become either hypervigilant people-pleasers or emotionally shut down.
- Imagine a father looking directly at his daughter and seeing nothing. His gaze passes through her like she’s made of glass. There’s no warmth, no recognition – just a blank stare. This image captures what psychoanalyst André Green called the dead father effect. It describes how emotionally disconnected fathers create daughters who absorb this psychological deadness and lose their vitality in the process.
- mentally, he’s checked out – depressed, preoccupied, or unable to connect. His disengagement transfers silently to his daughter, leaving her with a haunting sense of invisibility. Over time, she stops expecting to be seen at all.
- This psychological deadness drains a daughter’s life force. Green described it as psychic impotence – a state of endless internal monotony. Daughters affected by it often drift through life in a fog of boredom, anxiety, or creative paralysis. Their minds repeat the refrain, “I can’t” or “It won’t work.” They lose faith in their instincts, feel detached from desire, and struggle to make decisions.
- Grace had spent years trying to please her distant father, then married a depressed man with an addiction whom Grace was determined to “save.” Like many daughters, she had unconsciously made it her life’s work to bring a dead-father figure back to life, sacrificing her own vitality in the process.
- unless it’s confronted, his psychological absence becomes a daughter’s internal truth.
- Aidy dreamed of a “sadistic father” who pursued her and her children with malevolent intent. Her psyche had transformed her father’s absence into an internal tyrant.
- animus – Jung’s term for women’s inner masculine energy. The animus can be either creative or destructive, depending on how a daughter relates to it.
- it requires giving up the fantasy of the perfect father
- Psychoanalyst Helene Deutsch identified the “as-if” personality in the 1940s. “As-if” individuals appear socially capable and warm on the surface, but lack genuine feeling and connection inside. Often, “as-if” women are hypersensitive to criticism, desperate to please, and terrified of making mistakes.
- he eternal “daddy’s girl.” She remains psychologically frozen in youth, vibrant and dreamy – but trapped in the idealization of her father. She avoids growth, aging, and depth. And instead of developing her own identity, she orients her life around male approval. Jung called this the femme à home
- Autoimmune conditions disproportionately affect women – accounting for nearly 79 percent of all cases. This staggering number suggests more than biology. It points to a deeper link between emotional wounding and physical illness. When a father is absent or emotionally disengaged, a daughter may internalize that rejection so completely that her own immune system begins to treat her as the enemy.
July 2, 2025
3.5⭐️
This was easily the most informative and confounding analysis I’ve read. Jungian psychology is both oversimplified and complicated at the same time. Much of the analysis made sense until it entered the realm of dream interpretation. Sometimes dreams are directly related to life, and at others, they are completely nonsensical (when I have them), so I found some of the interpretations to be far-reaching. It was initially upsetting to learn that my (literally) absent father had such an impact on my life despite his not helping raise me. I always thought only my mother made an impact this whole time.
Besides that, much of the analysis regarding absent fathers, whether physically and/or emotionally absent, contributes to a lack of a fully developed self (for daughters). (I suspect that this doesn’t only apply to daughters alone.🤔) It makes sense because I developed some of the same issues the author theorizes regarding different father issues. My father was in my life until I was about seven or eight, until he stopped showing up for his scheduled visitation. However, the author describes specific father behavior that leads to certain outcomes, and in my experience, I still developed behaviors that don’t fit the descriptions. So, I take this with a “grain of salt” as they say.
Despite some of the oversimplification, I’m now interested in better understanding Jungian Psychology.
This was easily the most informative and confounding analysis I’ve read. Jungian psychology is both oversimplified and complicated at the same time. Much of the analysis made sense until it entered the realm of dream interpretation. Sometimes dreams are directly related to life, and at others, they are completely nonsensical (when I have them), so I found some of the interpretations to be far-reaching. It was initially upsetting to learn that my (literally) absent father had such an impact on my life despite his not helping raise me. I always thought only my mother made an impact this whole time.
Besides that, much of the analysis regarding absent fathers, whether physically and/or emotionally absent, contributes to a lack of a fully developed self (for daughters). (I suspect that this doesn’t only apply to daughters alone.🤔) It makes sense because I developed some of the same issues the author theorizes regarding different father issues. My father was in my life until I was about seven or eight, until he stopped showing up for his scheduled visitation. However, the author describes specific father behavior that leads to certain outcomes, and in my experience, I still developed behaviors that don’t fit the descriptions. So, I take this with a “grain of salt” as they say.
Despite some of the oversimplification, I’m now interested in better understanding Jungian Psychology.
March 2, 2025
this book had a great potential. the topic of a physically and emotionally absent and earlier mentally abusive father is close to my heart. I hoped that this book would allow me to understand everything I experienced, but it confused me even more. a huge waste of money and my precious time🥲
February 28, 2025
Focuses too much on Jung. I guess that is logical, I realized I’m not a Jungian. And I don’t appreciate being told how broken I am because of not having a father around every other sentence. Frustrating and annoying book.
May 12, 2024
This was interesting just because of her analysis of Jungian theory and the Father Complex. I expected some contrast between Jung and Freud, but she really just dug into one more than the other. It’s very dense, but also definitely well researched and understandable if you have a base knowledge of Jung’s theory.
April 6, 2025
The only chapter I understood is the one on Sylvia Plath.
However, the topic is worth exploring, but I wouldn’t recommend for a first time reader like myself.
However, the topic is worth exploring, but I wouldn’t recommend for a first time reader like myself.
October 7, 2025
This was very enlightening content, but in a very difficult-to-read and academic format. It was very hard and time-consuming to read, but since it resonated so much with my reality and my lived experience, I had to finish it and take all that I could from it. So I think the book discusses a lot of different things and I applaud the author because despite the fact that she didn’t make it very interesting to read, she did show a lot of creativity in the chapters. I was most pleased with the chapters about mirroring, dreams and illnesses. I find the following to be a majority of the book discusses:
All in all, almost everything about it rung eerily true. It was evidently very well researched, and also very well understood. To the reader, as well, we are constantly making connections between everything that the author has laid down. I would have rated this book higher because of its relevance, if it were not for the fact that the language and tone excluded a lot of readers, who probably would have benefited immensely from its message. This is the perfect closing line from the book: “Even while we hope, the blind is drawn down and the people turned to shadows acting in a private room beyond our view.” I love it because it beautifully demonstrates the fact that the our behavior, and subsequently our lives, stems from occurrences that we are not even fully aware of but they impact us deeply.
What happens and how it manifests
-I like that the book includes physically present but emotionally absent fathers as absent fathers, which was a good call in my view.
-As the first rejection experienced by a young girl, an absent father engenders a poor mindset that manifests in distinct and myriad ways. This primary rejection makes girls so angry or despondent, but they have no outlet, so the cycle continues.
-This creates self esteem and body image problems. When the father’s supportive attitudes are absent, the daughter runs the risk of feeling negativity towards all bodies, mostly her own. “If dominated by the masculine, the feminine suffers; desires are repressed, as the daughter avoids direction and choice. For example, from the distorted and negative animus, she considers herself ugly and this inhibits her life process so that she is unable to express affection with the body.“
-This lack both directly and indirectly affects the daughter’s connections, career, and financial support. Since Fathers teach girls standards, communication, self esteem, and also provide the monetary learning and resources for them to fend for themselves, this leaves the daughter in a position where she has to prove a lot, but has no tools to do so.
-In relationships, this shows up in many ways. It appears as terror of intimacy, vulnerability and feared loss of control, as well as defensiveness with over protection, since the daughter had to protect herself. This also manifests as Perfection seeking, marked by recklessness, even cruelty towards the self. There is excessive self doubt and mistrust that stems from her first rejection in life - from her very own father. It also results in unease with all authority figures.
-This dynamic propels the daughter to be susceptible to “the demon lover”. She has little related experience with the male. The demon lover acts with little reliance or trust, but he is convincing and seductive. He is like the absent father, not really there and with a dark side, always aloof and untouchable. There is also considerable mirroring that happens between the absent and careless father and the angsty daughter when it comes to attitudes and values.
-Despite her hard and independent exterior, which I will highlight again later, her relationships are wrought with a constant need of reassurance; manipulating; and cries for attention. These actions are typical of someone who fears, yet desires love. It is also a result of lack of communication with men - healthy fathers teach their daughters how to communicate with men.
-When it comes to learning, there is a lot of defensiveness, because of the need to prove and the lack of tools. This results in an overwhelm that the book addressed accurately, “Yet she lived ‘as if’ in Neverland, a place of infinite postponement and half-identity, slumbering in the land of the almost-living.“ This also becomes a constant self criticism, plummeting at the slightest mistake, and staying home. These behaviors further restrict personal and professional development and experiences.
-As a result, it is not surprising that sickness and inflammation follows. Weight gain or loss; autoimmune disease; allergies; and general body unease are the order of the day. “This involves recognizing the missed connection to the body and inattention to the mechanics of daily living.” The book really conveyed the numbing and loss of reality that happens in this situation.
-Dreams are a big part of the symptoms and the cure. “Analyzing dreams, keeping track of feelings consciously, spending time in self-reverie helps restore and bring a daughter’s psyche out from the negative father complex.”
-There’s a loop of mistrust, hostility, and alienation
-“To compensate and hide the loss, acts of self-creation occur through a series of identifications and internalizations with other sources of environmental nourishment, like a need for achievement, the perfect look and the pressure of hyper-functionality”
How it happens
-It is a fact that many fathers have difficulty as a daughter grows, in establishing Eros correctly, or in loving her appropriately. A child may consciously or unconsciously attempt to enliven a depressed, bereft, or absent father. This resuscitation becomes her life task, and still may fail.
-Such girls learned early to unconsciously assess and satisfy their father’s needs. He gave little, while she protected and nourished him. Sadly, such a father does not realize his daughter has an inner life, separate and distinct from his. Nor does he support her developmental need for appropriate dependency, mirroring or nurturing.
-There exists a hidden long - “keeping herself small and her father large. She assumed he knew more and he could guide her, although he never had and there was nothing to substantiate her assumptions except her longing and need to make him stay and be wonderful. This is how this cycle lives, breathes, grows, and take a life of its own. “
The dichotomy
-This might just be the entire principle of the book. If there was one take away that would summarize everything, it is the dichtomy and seeming contradiction of the life of a “Puella” - independent, sometimes successful, self sufficient, and yet very numb, defensive, hostile, insecure and in deep need of a father/man’s love.
-“While the façade makes it appear she is there when she is not, it also keeps her from knowing herself. Closeness is threatening. She is too hurt, cut off, afraid, damaged and lonely.”
-“This ‘as-if’ woman seems hollow, mostly to herself, anticipating that the falsity will be discovered and that she will be found out as insufficient and an imposter”
-“She is also portrayed as attractive, fascinating and innovative. Yet she feels disembodied, taken with a psychological distancing that can be disarming. She relies on rituals based on the superficial such as cosmetics, body reshaping, shopping and other compulsive thoughts and behaviours. She does not deeply partake, be it food, love, emotion or anything to do with life because the basic instincts to body and psyche remain static. In a state of perpetual youth, not only is this false but also a stable sense of personal identity is hard to attain.”
-“The focus on possibilities and perfection can turn each life into moments to be gotten through but without much pleasure or presence.”
-“The narcissistic experience of being separate and different from others comes out as envy, idealization, competitiveness, low self-esteem and inadequacy along with the wish and apprehension of being the object of envy”
-Despite this fact, there is acute denial that stems from the suppression of emotion. “After all, she told herself, she shut him out and hated him so he could not affect her”
What helps
-“Recall hidden memories, reframe, sometimes find self compassion, and individuation, i.e. Recall first memories with father.”
-“This means getting close enough to understand but staying far enough away to not get caught in him."
Importance of therapy
-These behaviors are inescapable and, usually not noticeable bc they get used to it. “Transcending conscious to unconsciousness in therapy is vital. Here, suffering and emotional distress is given meaning, and the energy released from sorrow and loss can now be utilized.”
-“Anticipating rejection and being dismissed, the daughter perceives the therapist as neglectful, like the absent father.“
-“The capacity for inner dialogue is a touchstone for outer objectivity.”
-“If the connection between the personal problem and the larger contemporary events is discerned and understood, it brings a release from the loneliness of the purely personal.”
-“Yet she can be thoughtless, with an innocence marked by a wandering nature, invention, idealism and fantasy. She aims high, will push and wonder and dream to make happen what seems impossible. Although ostensibly taking risks in what appears to be an untethered existence, she actually resists change. Her repetition of the familiar entails going from place to place and person to person. In this pattern she could remain psychologically removed and unknown, skimming the surface”.
All in all, almost everything about it rung eerily true. It was evidently very well researched, and also very well understood. To the reader, as well, we are constantly making connections between everything that the author has laid down. I would have rated this book higher because of its relevance, if it were not for the fact that the language and tone excluded a lot of readers, who probably would have benefited immensely from its message. This is the perfect closing line from the book: “Even while we hope, the blind is drawn down and the people turned to shadows acting in a private room beyond our view.” I love it because it beautifully demonstrates the fact that the our behavior, and subsequently our lives, stems from occurrences that we are not even fully aware of but they impact us deeply.
February 2, 2025
I felt like all bad things in my life happened because there was an absent father - depression, problems with weight, self perception, self confidence, too much confidence, lack of creativity, not being open, being too much open... That’s not fair, noone has such a power over someone’s life, especially when they are missing. When you are a grown up, you gotta grow up, work on yourself and stop blaming others.
I’ve stopped reading after chapter 4 as it was all over again plus one new thing “the missing man” had caused.
Also felt like a book like that will bring only hate towards men, and as a fatherless woman I don’t really pick their side.
I’ve stopped reading after chapter 4 as it was all over again plus one new thing “the missing man” had caused.
Also felt like a book like that will bring only hate towards men, and as a fatherless woman I don’t really pick their side.
Read
July 10, 2025Susan E. Schwartz’s "The Absent Father Effect on Daughters: Father Desire, Father Wounds" explores the psychological consequences of a father’s absence in a daughter’s life, emphasizing that absence is not always defined by physical distance. Many fathers are present in their daughters’ lives but remain emotionally disengaged, indifferent, or dismissive. Schwartz draws upon Jungian psychology, mythology, dream analysis, and clinical insight to show how the father’s unavailability—emotional or otherwise—can deeply shape a woman’s internal world, self-image, and capacity for relationships. This absence leaves behind more than just longing; it imprints a silent legacy that can permeate the daughter’s psyche and body across her life span.
Through ancient myths like the story of Iphigenia, Schwartz illustrates how the experience of being sacrificed for a father’s goals is not just symbolic but all too real for many daughters. In the myth, King Agamemnon deceives and ultimately betrays his daughter, choosing ambition over her life. This narrative becomes a metaphor for the emotional abandonment countless daughters endure. Fathers may be successful, admired, or even idolized in public, yet emotionally unavailable behind closed doors. In such environments, daughters absorb the message that their emotional needs are excessive, unimportant, or disruptive. As a result, many develop a deep-seated belief that love must be earned through achievement or self-suppression, creating patterns of hyper-performance and self-abandonment in adulthood.
These psychological patterns are not isolated to individual families. They are often generational, passed down through men who themselves never experienced emotional nurturing from their fathers. Cultural norms compound this issue, as Western society historically has not emphasized the importance of the father-daughter bond. Even key thinkers in analytical psychology, like Carl Jung, barely addressed this dynamic. The resulting neglect has left generations of women with unrecognized and unhealed emotional wounds. Schwartz underscores this reality through client stories like Jade’s, a woman who spent her life overcompensating for her father’s indifference by working tirelessly and maintaining a flawless public image, while privately feeling emotionally hollow.
The effects of emotional father absence extend far beyond the psychological; they also manifest physically. Schwartz introduces the concept of the 'dead father effect,' a term coined by psychoanalyst André Green to describe the psychic deadness that can develop in children who grow up with emotionally vacant fathers. A daughter may live under the illusion of connection while actually feeling unseen and unheard. This lack of acknowledgment is internalized, leading to a loss of vitality, chronic indecision, and self-doubt. Such daughters may drift through life feeling as though they’re invisible or broken, stuck in repetitive thought patterns that reinforce helplessness and worthlessness. This absence, though silent, becomes a defining presence in their inner world.
Examples such as Shiloh, who became obsessed with her mirror image in an attempt to 'find' herself, reveal the depth of this inner fragmentation. Others, like Grace, attempt to bring their emotionally absent fathers back to life through romantic relationships with similarly disengaged or damaged men. This effort to redeem the father figure through caregiving or self-sacrifice often leads to the repetition of trauma. The father’s psychological absence becomes the organizing principle of the daughter’s emotional world, pulling her into relationships where her needs are again unmet, and where the hope of being seen continues to elude her.
Schwartz also explores how these patterns become embedded in the archetypal psyche. She draws on biblical stories and fairy tales, showing how absent or destructive fathers appear repeatedly in cultural narratives. These tales are not just stories but reflections of psychological truth. In many of them, daughters suffer due to their fathers’ neglect or projection, reinforcing the idea that the feminine must sacrifice or diminish itself in response to paternal failure. The father, in Jungian terms, represents structure, law, and authority. When that figure is missing or malevolent, the daughter inherits the darker side of this archetype—internal critics, judges, or self-saboteurs who stifle creativity and undermine autonomy.
The concept of the animus—Jung’s term for a woman’s inner masculine energy—emerges as crucial to understanding how father absence reshapes identity. When a woman internalizes a cold or demanding father, the animus becomes a hostile inner voice, driving perfectionism and self-criticism. One example is Darelle, whose father was unrelenting and cold. Over time, she internalized his judgment, experiencing a torrent of negativity toward herself. Her healing began only when she realized that this voice wasn’t truly her own, but a projection of her father’s unmet ideals and insecurities.
Another pattern Schwartz discusses is the 'as-if' personality—a coping strategy where women present polished, competent versions of themselves while feeling emotionally vacant inside. This defense mechanism originates in childhood as a way to gain approval or avoid punishment. It becomes a mask of functioning that hides deep emotional disconnection. Women like Tiffany, raised by fathers who were either absent or terrifying, become adept at mirroring what others want while losing connection to their authentic desires and needs. Their outward success masks a chronic fear of being found inadequate.
The puella archetype, or the eternal girl who idealizes her father and seeks validation from men, also plays a significant role. These daughters never fully individuate, remaining trapped in fantasies of rescue or paternal approval. Zoe, who viewed her father as flawless and her mother as deficient, abandoned her own talents in favor of her husband's needs. Her story reveals how internalized patriarchy can shape a woman’s identity, especially when the father is idolized and the feminine is dismissed or devalued.
Schwartz also connects emotional wounds to physical symptoms, especially in women with autoimmune conditions. She suggests that when a daughter internalizes rejection or neglect, her body may begin to turn against itself. This somatic expression of emotional pain illustrates the deep connection between psyche and body. Women like Rana, who grew up emotionally neglected, often develop patterns of bodily disconnection. The body becomes something to ignore, overwork, or punish—an extension of the father’s indifference. Healing in such cases involves not just psychological insight but a reintegration of the body as a valued, cared-for part of the self.
True recovery, Schwartz argues, does not require reconciliation with the absent father. Instead, it demands a reckoning with the psychic structures that formed in response to his absence. This involves facing the grief, rage, and loss that have often been buried for decades. Jungian psychology frames this as a descent into the shadow, a journey into the unknown and the repressed. It’s only by confronting these disowned parts that a woman can move from self-abandonment to self-authorship.
The ultimate goal of this psychological journey isn’t surface-level happiness or the approval of others. It is about reclaiming presence, embodiment, and personal agency. Schwartz emphasizes the importance of writing a new narrative—one not dictated by inherited wounds or patriarchal ideals. Dreams often guide this process, revealing new possibilities and helping women recover their authentic voices. Through this integration, women can finally occupy their own lives—not as daughters defined by absence, but as full selves rooted in presence.
In the end, "The Absent Father Effect on Daughters" is a profound exploration of how unspoken emotional wounds shape a woman’s life. Schwartz invites readers to recognize the deep psychological impact of father absence and to undertake the difficult but transformative work of healing. The book offers a path toward reclaiming lost parts of the self, not through idealizing or reconciling with the father, but by becoming whole in one’s own right. Through awareness, embodiment, and authorship, daughters can transcend the legacy of absence and live from a place of integrity and inner fullness.
Through ancient myths like the story of Iphigenia, Schwartz illustrates how the experience of being sacrificed for a father’s goals is not just symbolic but all too real for many daughters. In the myth, King Agamemnon deceives and ultimately betrays his daughter, choosing ambition over her life. This narrative becomes a metaphor for the emotional abandonment countless daughters endure. Fathers may be successful, admired, or even idolized in public, yet emotionally unavailable behind closed doors. In such environments, daughters absorb the message that their emotional needs are excessive, unimportant, or disruptive. As a result, many develop a deep-seated belief that love must be earned through achievement or self-suppression, creating patterns of hyper-performance and self-abandonment in adulthood.
These psychological patterns are not isolated to individual families. They are often generational, passed down through men who themselves never experienced emotional nurturing from their fathers. Cultural norms compound this issue, as Western society historically has not emphasized the importance of the father-daughter bond. Even key thinkers in analytical psychology, like Carl Jung, barely addressed this dynamic. The resulting neglect has left generations of women with unrecognized and unhealed emotional wounds. Schwartz underscores this reality through client stories like Jade’s, a woman who spent her life overcompensating for her father’s indifference by working tirelessly and maintaining a flawless public image, while privately feeling emotionally hollow.
The effects of emotional father absence extend far beyond the psychological; they also manifest physically. Schwartz introduces the concept of the 'dead father effect,' a term coined by psychoanalyst André Green to describe the psychic deadness that can develop in children who grow up with emotionally vacant fathers. A daughter may live under the illusion of connection while actually feeling unseen and unheard. This lack of acknowledgment is internalized, leading to a loss of vitality, chronic indecision, and self-doubt. Such daughters may drift through life feeling as though they’re invisible or broken, stuck in repetitive thought patterns that reinforce helplessness and worthlessness. This absence, though silent, becomes a defining presence in their inner world.
Examples such as Shiloh, who became obsessed with her mirror image in an attempt to 'find' herself, reveal the depth of this inner fragmentation. Others, like Grace, attempt to bring their emotionally absent fathers back to life through romantic relationships with similarly disengaged or damaged men. This effort to redeem the father figure through caregiving or self-sacrifice often leads to the repetition of trauma. The father’s psychological absence becomes the organizing principle of the daughter’s emotional world, pulling her into relationships where her needs are again unmet, and where the hope of being seen continues to elude her.
Schwartz also explores how these patterns become embedded in the archetypal psyche. She draws on biblical stories and fairy tales, showing how absent or destructive fathers appear repeatedly in cultural narratives. These tales are not just stories but reflections of psychological truth. In many of them, daughters suffer due to their fathers’ neglect or projection, reinforcing the idea that the feminine must sacrifice or diminish itself in response to paternal failure. The father, in Jungian terms, represents structure, law, and authority. When that figure is missing or malevolent, the daughter inherits the darker side of this archetype—internal critics, judges, or self-saboteurs who stifle creativity and undermine autonomy.
The concept of the animus—Jung’s term for a woman’s inner masculine energy—emerges as crucial to understanding how father absence reshapes identity. When a woman internalizes a cold or demanding father, the animus becomes a hostile inner voice, driving perfectionism and self-criticism. One example is Darelle, whose father was unrelenting and cold. Over time, she internalized his judgment, experiencing a torrent of negativity toward herself. Her healing began only when she realized that this voice wasn’t truly her own, but a projection of her father’s unmet ideals and insecurities.
Another pattern Schwartz discusses is the 'as-if' personality—a coping strategy where women present polished, competent versions of themselves while feeling emotionally vacant inside. This defense mechanism originates in childhood as a way to gain approval or avoid punishment. It becomes a mask of functioning that hides deep emotional disconnection. Women like Tiffany, raised by fathers who were either absent or terrifying, become adept at mirroring what others want while losing connection to their authentic desires and needs. Their outward success masks a chronic fear of being found inadequate.
The puella archetype, or the eternal girl who idealizes her father and seeks validation from men, also plays a significant role. These daughters never fully individuate, remaining trapped in fantasies of rescue or paternal approval. Zoe, who viewed her father as flawless and her mother as deficient, abandoned her own talents in favor of her husband's needs. Her story reveals how internalized patriarchy can shape a woman’s identity, especially when the father is idolized and the feminine is dismissed or devalued.
Schwartz also connects emotional wounds to physical symptoms, especially in women with autoimmune conditions. She suggests that when a daughter internalizes rejection or neglect, her body may begin to turn against itself. This somatic expression of emotional pain illustrates the deep connection between psyche and body. Women like Rana, who grew up emotionally neglected, often develop patterns of bodily disconnection. The body becomes something to ignore, overwork, or punish—an extension of the father’s indifference. Healing in such cases involves not just psychological insight but a reintegration of the body as a valued, cared-for part of the self.
True recovery, Schwartz argues, does not require reconciliation with the absent father. Instead, it demands a reckoning with the psychic structures that formed in response to his absence. This involves facing the grief, rage, and loss that have often been buried for decades. Jungian psychology frames this as a descent into the shadow, a journey into the unknown and the repressed. It’s only by confronting these disowned parts that a woman can move from self-abandonment to self-authorship.
The ultimate goal of this psychological journey isn’t surface-level happiness or the approval of others. It is about reclaiming presence, embodiment, and personal agency. Schwartz emphasizes the importance of writing a new narrative—one not dictated by inherited wounds or patriarchal ideals. Dreams often guide this process, revealing new possibilities and helping women recover their authentic voices. Through this integration, women can finally occupy their own lives—not as daughters defined by absence, but as full selves rooted in presence.
In the end, "The Absent Father Effect on Daughters" is a profound exploration of how unspoken emotional wounds shape a woman’s life. Schwartz invites readers to recognize the deep psychological impact of father absence and to undertake the difficult but transformative work of healing. The book offers a path toward reclaiming lost parts of the self, not through idealizing or reconciling with the father, but by becoming whole in one’s own right. Through awareness, embodiment, and authorship, daughters can transcend the legacy of absence and live from a place of integrity and inner fullness.
September 5, 2025
Insightful but overly repetitive and pseudo-scientific
June 7, 2025
This is an ambitious book that can't quite decide what ideas to settle on, so it reads like a first draft of a great book. It should've been left cooking for a while longer. What a messily written confused cacophony of ideas. Great concept. Even better title. Learned nothing and retained nothing. I cant wait to read the books that build their thesis from this draft.
June 17, 2024
After I struggled through the first two chapters I just scanned the rest of the book until the end. It's very tough to get through but you do notice the immense research and knowledge Schwartz has (done). Probably very useful for psychologists.
March 22, 2025
I appreciate that the author addressed an overlooked subject in the field.
She had few good ideas that she repeated over and over through out the book.
I liked the analysis of Silvia Plath poem (my favorite)
However, I expected more
She had few good ideas that she repeated over and over through out the book.
I liked the analysis of Silvia Plath poem (my favorite)
However, I expected more
May 10, 2025
Книга написана складною мовою (читала у рос перекладі), на початку зовсім сумна і важка для читання. Разом із тим я знайшла у ній цікаві думки і пояснення моєї поведінки у тих чи інших ситуаціях. Це стало кроком до більш свідомого життя і кращого розуміння себе! Дякую
October 26, 2024
Shawty hurt me so bad I wanted to see the core problem as to why she is a lying ,narcissistic, cheating and a manipulative ass bitch
July 11, 2025
Take the same sentence, reword it as many times as possible with larger vocabulary words, and call it a book. Look elsewhere for any real insights.
Read
July 19, 2025Not for the average consumer. This book is very technical and academic. I could only handle a tiny fraction before calling it quits
September 26, 2024
Precisamos de mais livros como este!
Embora a psicologia junguiana tenha aberto muitos novos caminhos com suas explorações em assuntos delicados, o impacto de pais ausentes em suas filhas é algo sobre o qual pouco foi escrito. De acordo com o U.S. Census Bureau, (2020), uma em cada quatro crianças vive sem um pai biológico, padrasto ou adotivo em casa. E isso não significa de forma alguma que os pais das outras três dão às suas filhas o tipo de atenção amorosa, respeito e orientação saudável de que elas precisam para se sentirem valorizadas e dignas de amor de si mesmas e dos outros. Todo psicoterapeuta que já tratou de uma filha está ciente das feridas emocionais e físicas que um pai fisicamente presente, mas emocionalmente ausente, pode infligir. A falta de pesquisa acadêmica sobre esse relacionamento de vital importância deixou um enorme espaço vazio na consciência pessoal e coletiva. Este livro é um primeiro passo valioso para preencher esse espaço.
Com vários estudos de caso e contos de fadas, Schwartz explora uma ampla gama de efeitos negativos, tanto psicológicos quanto físicos, que a ausência de um pai suficientemente bom pode ter sobre uma filha. Elas variam de baixa autoestima, blindagem, desespero, solidão, falta de confiança, a falta de calor no coração do narcisismo, passividade, a incapacidade de encontrar voz ou expressão adequada, desdém e defensiva para si e para os outros, perda de energia e paixão, medo da intimidade e a incapacidade de sentir ou expressar emoções, até comportamentos compensatórios como perfeccionismo, idealismo excessivo, um impulso implacável em direção ao heroísmo e à fama e uma compulsão de sacrificar seu verdadeiro eu para ganhar o favor do pai sendo sempre bom e obediente.
Muitos outros efeitos são explorados neste livro excelente e bem pesquisado. Um bônus adicional é o capítulo sobre o diálogo da terapia que aborda as questões envolvidas na formação de um relacionamento cliente-terapeuta que pode ajudar a filha a encontrar sua individualidade. Altamente recomendado para terapeutas e leigos interessados em entender e curar as filhas de pais ausentes.
Eu sabia que tinha a dor do pai ausente, mas não percebi o quão complexo e profundo o efeito de um pai ausente realmente é... É transformador, alucinante e conseguiu explicar coisas sobre mim que eu não tinha ideia que estavam me afetando por causa da ausência do meu pai biológico.
Não acredito o quão revelador este livro foi até agora. Qualidade inestimável. Leitura transformadora!
Embora a psicologia junguiana tenha aberto muitos novos caminhos com suas explorações em assuntos delicados, o impacto de pais ausentes em suas filhas é algo sobre o qual pouco foi escrito. De acordo com o U.S. Census Bureau, (2020), uma em cada quatro crianças vive sem um pai biológico, padrasto ou adotivo em casa. E isso não significa de forma alguma que os pais das outras três dão às suas filhas o tipo de atenção amorosa, respeito e orientação saudável de que elas precisam para se sentirem valorizadas e dignas de amor de si mesmas e dos outros. Todo psicoterapeuta que já tratou de uma filha está ciente das feridas emocionais e físicas que um pai fisicamente presente, mas emocionalmente ausente, pode infligir. A falta de pesquisa acadêmica sobre esse relacionamento de vital importância deixou um enorme espaço vazio na consciência pessoal e coletiva. Este livro é um primeiro passo valioso para preencher esse espaço.
Com vários estudos de caso e contos de fadas, Schwartz explora uma ampla gama de efeitos negativos, tanto psicológicos quanto físicos, que a ausência de um pai suficientemente bom pode ter sobre uma filha. Elas variam de baixa autoestima, blindagem, desespero, solidão, falta de confiança, a falta de calor no coração do narcisismo, passividade, a incapacidade de encontrar voz ou expressão adequada, desdém e defensiva para si e para os outros, perda de energia e paixão, medo da intimidade e a incapacidade de sentir ou expressar emoções, até comportamentos compensatórios como perfeccionismo, idealismo excessivo, um impulso implacável em direção ao heroísmo e à fama e uma compulsão de sacrificar seu verdadeiro eu para ganhar o favor do pai sendo sempre bom e obediente.
Muitos outros efeitos são explorados neste livro excelente e bem pesquisado. Um bônus adicional é o capítulo sobre o diálogo da terapia que aborda as questões envolvidas na formação de um relacionamento cliente-terapeuta que pode ajudar a filha a encontrar sua individualidade. Altamente recomendado para terapeutas e leigos interessados em entender e curar as filhas de pais ausentes.
Eu sabia que tinha a dor do pai ausente, mas não percebi o quão complexo e profundo o efeito de um pai ausente realmente é... É transformador, alucinante e conseguiu explicar coisas sobre mim que eu não tinha ideia que estavam me afetando por causa da ausência do meu pai biológico.
Não acredito o quão revelador este livro foi até agora. Qualidade inestimável. Leitura transformadora!
October 27, 2024
So I will say if you want a book to read on the exploration on the "Theories" and a dive into the Jung way of thinking this is it. It is thick and clearly sided towards that. Not much else so I gave it 2 stars cause the author did do do good research into the topic, however as a father of 2 daughters who started out older I was hoping for something a lot more. I am far from an absentee father (at least I am pretty sure I am), and I was hoping for some examples from interviews with daughters about what an "absent father" actually caused in their life, what was the absence? We he in the house and just not present, like did he work a lot and was not engaged in her life? I work from home and do work a lot but do my best to take my gear and work from their events if I have to and because we home school I even take it on the road so that we can be together when possible that way. I would assume that most of this would be referring to the complete lack of a father figure such as the father walked away when they were young, were never there do to something like the mom separating form the father or he was maybe incarcerated (common theme for under privileged children coming from single parent homes).
At any rate I was lucky enough in my case to have gotten this ebook on loan so I am not out any money, because I would have been kind of unhappy with purchase as it feels and reads like the kind of text books I see written nowadays to be required reading in college classes that site almost no actual factual cases, data, perform no real tests or interviews, yet instead just offer to discuss the Theory of the Theorists that have long been out there that were provided by theorists that have long been proven to be very mislead. misguided, and in some cases even downright abusers of people in their efforts to "study" human nature.
I read the first 3-4 chapters then skimmed most of the rest as it was just much of the same discuss ion the Theory and absolutely no evidence to prove anything.
At any rate I was lucky enough in my case to have gotten this ebook on loan so I am not out any money, because I would have been kind of unhappy with purchase as it feels and reads like the kind of text books I see written nowadays to be required reading in college classes that site almost no actual factual cases, data, perform no real tests or interviews, yet instead just offer to discuss the Theory of the Theorists that have long been out there that were provided by theorists that have long been proven to be very mislead. misguided, and in some cases even downright abusers of people in their efforts to "study" human nature.
I read the first 3-4 chapters then skimmed most of the rest as it was just much of the same discuss ion the Theory and absolutely no evidence to prove anything.
February 18, 2025
This book had SOOOOO much potential. I saw it on TikTok about four months ago, and was super excited to get it (once I could finally afford it lol). I expected it to be much thicker, but honestly, I'm glad it wasn't because it was way too long. If you are studying psychology in college or something, especially a particular type of psychology related to this topic, then this is the perfect book for you to cite your sources, etc. Otherwise, this book is not very helpful in thoroughly understanding women who experienced absent fathers. It was so incredibly hard to finish even the last twenty pages of this book, because it was so repetitive, filled with a bunch of word salad. I did garner a few parts of clarification on some things related to patterns of these types of women in relationships, etc, but aside from that, there were TOOO many psychological stanzas referencing all of these historical authors I have never even heard of. This book should have been a simple, yet informative, explanation of just how hard it is for women to grow up with, and push through life, having experienced absent fathers. Instead, this was a random, all over-the-place, psychology poem, hidden behind the words, "a book." I was very disappointed in this book.
October 4, 2025
As others have said, this book holds closely to Jungian theory, and is super repetitive. I imagine it would be helpful for practicing therapists, but as a regular old daughter looking to better understand her relationship with her father, etc., this is not the book for me.
I got the audiobook and made it a few chapters in before I started reading Goodreads reviews to see if it got any better.
I then started skipping ahead and was listening to chapter 6 where the author quotes Genesis 48:13-18 and then says the biblical Tamar was burned to death because she got pregnant out of wedlock. This is not what ended up happening in the biblical narrative, if one reads further, so I pretty much stopped there.
Returning to the next person on Libby, and moving on.
I am open to suggestions of other titles on this topic, if anyone finds a great one.
I got the audiobook and made it a few chapters in before I started reading Goodreads reviews to see if it got any better.
I then started skipping ahead and was listening to chapter 6 where the author quotes Genesis 48:13-18 and then says the biblical Tamar was burned to death because she got pregnant out of wedlock. This is not what ended up happening in the biblical narrative, if one reads further, so I pretty much stopped there.
Returning to the next person on Libby, and moving on.
I am open to suggestions of other titles on this topic, if anyone finds a great one.
December 7, 2025
I have emotional absent father and didn’t realize it until one conversation with my brother who was very bold telling me our father was always absent in our life, he never truly care to make good connections with us or care about our emotions and struggles.
I wanted to read more about it and see if anything I can do to heal. I have low self esteem and despite being successful at my work, I always self doubt and think about myself very low. I need constant validation and attention from others to prove self worth.
I was hoping to learn from the book but it’s very challenging to read, also lots of repetitive ideas but not much clearance or practical advice so far
I would say i learned that bc of absence dad we blame our self and our all frustrations on ourself, we ended up having low self esteem and feeling rejected. We got into self avoidance and numbing our emotions.
I wanted to read more about it and see if anything I can do to heal. I have low self esteem and despite being successful at my work, I always self doubt and think about myself very low. I need constant validation and attention from others to prove self worth.
I was hoping to learn from the book but it’s very challenging to read, also lots of repetitive ideas but not much clearance or practical advice so far
I would say i learned that bc of absence dad we blame our self and our all frustrations on ourself, we ended up having low self esteem and feeling rejected. We got into self avoidance and numbing our emotions.
May 11, 2024
Not one of the best books I've read so far on this topic. It's not even easy to read as it's very repetitive and more like a philosophical essay. For those who are just approaching this very delicate topic, I don't recommend starting with this book. For those who already have some knowledge of psychology and philosophy, however, it shouldn't be a problem to read it.
Nothing new though, so it has disappointed me enough.
Nothing new though, so it has disappointed me enough.
July 29, 2024
I'm starting this book to see if I can relate to its contents. My parents divorced when I was 13, and this was followed by numerous instances of violence—both physical and mental. Despite the turmoil, I was actually relieved at the time. Now that I'm 24, my life feels miserable. I don't have high expectations for this book; I'm merely curious to see if I can identify with its themes. I'll return with my thoughts once I've finished reading.
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