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When Your Man Is on the Spectrum: To Know, Understand & Transform Your Relationship
Could your partner be on the autism spectrum?
Many women cope with indescribable hardship, communication lapses and severe emotional deprivation in their romantic relationships, without even suspecting that their partner might be on the autism spectrum. Others realize this was the issue all along only after years of living with self-doubt, confusion, and the feeling of having lost their sanity.
In this book you will
Why most adults with high-functioning autism are not diagnosed.How autistic traits are expressed in a romantic relationship while going unnoticed by others outside of it.What experiences women in neurodiverse relationships share in common.Drawing on her extensive doctoral research, the existent body of literature and her professional experience as a couple counselor and coach specializing in neurodiverse relationships, Dr. Pnina Arad invites you to join her on a startling and enlightening journey that will open your eyes and provide new perspectives on the familiar life stories of friends, relatives and patients. Some may even echo your own personal story.
This book brings together for the first time, the most comprehensive current empirical data and clinical knowledge, while telling the stories of women throughout the most significant stages of their lives. The information is presented in a simple and clear language, accessible to anyone who wants to know, understand and overcome the puzzling challenges of neurodiversity in romantic relationships.
Dr. Pnina Arad is the founder of 'LeadUp', a qualified couple counselor, group facilitator and women's empowerment life coach, specializing in neurodiverse relationships. She has helped hundreds of women and couples in Israel and around the world to surmount their challenges and change their lives.
Many women cope with indescribable hardship, communication lapses and severe emotional deprivation in their romantic relationships, without even suspecting that their partner might be on the autism spectrum. Others realize this was the issue all along only after years of living with self-doubt, confusion, and the feeling of having lost their sanity.
In this book you will
Why most adults with high-functioning autism are not diagnosed.How autistic traits are expressed in a romantic relationship while going unnoticed by others outside of it.What experiences women in neurodiverse relationships share in common.Drawing on her extensive doctoral research, the existent body of literature and her professional experience as a couple counselor and coach specializing in neurodiverse relationships, Dr. Pnina Arad invites you to join her on a startling and enlightening journey that will open your eyes and provide new perspectives on the familiar life stories of friends, relatives and patients. Some may even echo your own personal story.
This book brings together for the first time, the most comprehensive current empirical data and clinical knowledge, while telling the stories of women throughout the most significant stages of their lives. The information is presented in a simple and clear language, accessible to anyone who wants to know, understand and overcome the puzzling challenges of neurodiversity in romantic relationships.
Dr. Pnina Arad is the founder of 'LeadUp', a qualified couple counselor, group facilitator and women's empowerment life coach, specializing in neurodiverse relationships. She has helped hundreds of women and couples in Israel and around the world to surmount their challenges and change their lives.
292 pages, Kindle Edition
Published December 6, 2020
About the author
Pnina Arad
1 book2 followersDr. Pnina Arad is the founder of 'LeadUp', a qualified couple counselor, group facilitator and women's empowerment life coach, specializing in neurodiverse relationships. She has helped hundreds of women and couples in Israel and around the world to surmount their challenges and transform their lives. She works in her private clinic and online.
Pnina has a Psy. D. degree from the Professional School of Psychology in California, U.S.A. Her doctoral researh is the first empirical study exploring the physical and mental well-being of women in intimate relationships with men on the autism spectrum in comparison to women in neurotypical relationships.
Drawing on her research and professional experience, Pnina is committed to raising awareness, sharing knowledge and assisting women and couples in successfully navigating the complexities of neurodiversity in their relationships. Pnina has been married for 27 years and is the mother of two grown boys. She resides in Israel.
Pnina has a Psy. D. degree from the Professional School of Psychology in California, U.S.A. Her doctoral researh is the first empirical study exploring the physical and mental well-being of women in intimate relationships with men on the autism spectrum in comparison to women in neurotypical relationships.
Drawing on her research and professional experience, Pnina is committed to raising awareness, sharing knowledge and assisting women and couples in successfully navigating the complexities of neurodiversity in their relationships. Pnina has been married for 27 years and is the mother of two grown boys. She resides in Israel.
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
January 21, 2021
This book contains some good information, but is in great need of an editor.
September 30, 2020
‘Love is many things, none of them logical’ – William Goldman
Israeli author Dr. Pnina Arad knows the playing field from which she writes. She earned her PsyD from the Professional School of Psychology in Sacramento, California, her focus being on exploring the physical and mental well being of women in intimate relationships with men on the autism spectrum as compared to women in neurotypical relationships. Now in addition to her work as a group counselor, women’s empowerment life coach on line and in her private clinic, she distills her therapeutic principles and advice in this fine book. She is the founder of LeadUp
While discussions of ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), ADS (Autism Spectrum Disorder), Asperger Syndrome, HFA (High Functioning Autism), and OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders) are usually in reference to childhood behaviors, Dr, Arad brings our attention to the presence of these disorders or personality traits into the adult range, especially as they apply to challenging relationships. Opening with a series of definitions of the above mentioned syndromes is, in itself, most informative and up to date. Her discussions about the diagnoses further aid the reader in understanding these at times challenging conditions. “Autism was first diagnosed and defined in 1943 by German American child psychiatrist Leo Kanner, who notices 11 of his young patients drifting into their own world and ignoring the people around them. Kanner claimed this condition differed essentially from anything ever described in clinical literature. He called the condition “autism,” based oh the Greek root “autos,” meaning “self.” A year later, Viennese clinician Hans Asperger discovered 4 young patients who seemed detached form other people…’ This degree of caring, that the reading audience understands these diagnoses, is one reason Dr. Arad’s subsequent written advice is so accessible. She patiently takes us through her thought patterns in a most supportive manner.
Introducing the concept that ‘women whose partners are formally diagnosed on the autism spectrum, as well as women who suspect that this is their partner’s diagnosis, suffer form greater physical and psychological abuse than with women with neurotypical partners…their physical and mental health is impaired, their personal well-being is lower, and they suffer from many more symptoms of depression on a higher severity of depression than women in a neurotypical relationship,’ allows troubled women to consider the possibility that the autism spectrum should be considered.
Presenting case studies from her practice, Dr. Arad offers insight into autism spectrum relationships and how they can be diagnosed and treated – often through simply understanding the spectrum that is responsible for the relationship challenges and not because the affected partner is not truly loving. This is an eye-opening new book that is valuable for challenged couples – a light on the path of healing.
Israeli author Dr. Pnina Arad knows the playing field from which she writes. She earned her PsyD from the Professional School of Psychology in Sacramento, California, her focus being on exploring the physical and mental well being of women in intimate relationships with men on the autism spectrum as compared to women in neurotypical relationships. Now in addition to her work as a group counselor, women’s empowerment life coach on line and in her private clinic, she distills her therapeutic principles and advice in this fine book. She is the founder of LeadUp
While discussions of ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), ADS (Autism Spectrum Disorder), Asperger Syndrome, HFA (High Functioning Autism), and OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders) are usually in reference to childhood behaviors, Dr, Arad brings our attention to the presence of these disorders or personality traits into the adult range, especially as they apply to challenging relationships. Opening with a series of definitions of the above mentioned syndromes is, in itself, most informative and up to date. Her discussions about the diagnoses further aid the reader in understanding these at times challenging conditions. “Autism was first diagnosed and defined in 1943 by German American child psychiatrist Leo Kanner, who notices 11 of his young patients drifting into their own world and ignoring the people around them. Kanner claimed this condition differed essentially from anything ever described in clinical literature. He called the condition “autism,” based oh the Greek root “autos,” meaning “self.” A year later, Viennese clinician Hans Asperger discovered 4 young patients who seemed detached form other people…’ This degree of caring, that the reading audience understands these diagnoses, is one reason Dr. Arad’s subsequent written advice is so accessible. She patiently takes us through her thought patterns in a most supportive manner.
Introducing the concept that ‘women whose partners are formally diagnosed on the autism spectrum, as well as women who suspect that this is their partner’s diagnosis, suffer form greater physical and psychological abuse than with women with neurotypical partners…their physical and mental health is impaired, their personal well-being is lower, and they suffer from many more symptoms of depression on a higher severity of depression than women in a neurotypical relationship,’ allows troubled women to consider the possibility that the autism spectrum should be considered.
Presenting case studies from her practice, Dr. Arad offers insight into autism spectrum relationships and how they can be diagnosed and treated – often through simply understanding the spectrum that is responsible for the relationship challenges and not because the affected partner is not truly loving. This is an eye-opening new book that is valuable for challenged couples – a light on the path of healing.
Read
June 22, 2021Dr Pnina Arad is passionately concerned about the lives of women whose partner has an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). She warmly invites the reader on an ambitious journey, to inform partners of diagnosed, underdiagnosed or suspected ASD men, and to enlighten professionals who work with such couples. Her own case material and quoted testimonies from her research enrich the text.
The book opens with a glossary of psychological concepts relevant to the study. While assessing ASD in children has grown easier, adult assessment remains less common, often occurring only when a child in the family is diagnosed. And yet evidently ASD is just as likely in both children and adults, and four times more prevalent in males. [Elsewhere it has also been suggested that testing methodologies may have skewed gender results.] Furthermore the stigma associated with any kind of psychological disorder means that diagnosing Asperger’s syndrome and high functioning autism in adults remains silent in many parts of the world.
Given one feature of ASD is significant communication deficits, it is no wonder neuro diverse couples – where one partner, most commonly the woman, is neuro-typical (NT) – experience relationship difficulties. Research is rare on the effects of autistic traits on intimate relationships, Dr Arad suggesting that researchers dismiss the voices and experience of female partners as bitter and complaining.
Adult ASD may include mindblindness, addiction elements, OCD, and a range of other behaviours negatively affecting a marital relationship. The NT partner commonly finds herself burdened alone with the emotional and practical caregiving for her family to the point of feeling like a single parent. Dr Arad’s examination of the sinister evolution of violence in a neuro diverse relationship of this kind will ring alarm bells for too many women who have been persuaded they simply aren’t trying hard enough.
“The well-known cycle (of violence) does not usually characterize the abusive behavior of an [ASD man], [who] will rarely exhibit remorse or a genuine apology…. Moreover, the abusive behaviors can last for long periods with no relief. … apologies mainly reflecting his having learned that his partner expects [it] …, and that it is socially customary … [and occur] only when he fears the possibility of separation, to prevent his partner leaving.”
Chapter 2, When Fantasy Meets Reality, opens with case material which eloquently illustrates how women have been blamed for what’s different, as if that is wrong, and are expected to get over themselves, as though they are imagining it all. Experiences of new motherhood and new parenthood highlight cracks which a couple may have managed to avoid. Vast differences in demands and expectations with regard to sex also become apparent at this time, leading to deep distress. From the case material it is clear there is no one size fits all, at some men can be sexually insatiable while others lose interest altogether, or seek enjoyment elsewhere. A common feature is that ASD severely impairs the capacity for warmth, affection and intimacy in a marriage.
When Your Man is on the Spectrum
To Know, Understand & Transform Your Relationship
Dr Pnina Arad, an Israeli relationship coach and counsellor, is passionately concerned about the lives of women whose partner has an autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Writing this book, after the labour of researching and writing her doctoral thesis on the topic, has not dimmed her passion. There is no doubt that the author understands her topic from the inside of the counselling room as well as through her research, giving the impression of being a skilled and compassionate therapist.
Dr Arad warmly invites the reader on a journey of discovery. Her stated goals are twofold: to inform neurotypical (NT) partners of ASD men who are diagnosed, partially diagnosed, or undiagnosed, and to enlighten professionals who work with such couples. Concepts in this book are illustrated with case material and quotations from women’s responses either to qualitative questions in her thesis or to Arad’s Facebook blog. Much of this powerful first-person material leaps off the page, and is often deeply affecting. The doctoral research clearly covered a great deal of new ground, using both quantitative and qualitative research methods. If she knew her subject before starting this thesis, my impression is that Dr Arad’s comprehension and capacity have deepened considerably as a result of completing it.
Dr Arad undertakes to decipher for readers the general, then more detailed shape of relationships between men with ASD and neurotypical (NT) women, and how they evolve. Starting with the often apparently romantic beginnings of such a relationship, she goes on to look more closely at the behaviour and experience of each partner and how their relationships can evolve to create a toxic home life for couples and their children. The book explains how women can gradually become trapped, exhibiting behaviours characteristic of people suffering deep trauma, as they feel desperately lonely, unsafe, even terrified. Their male partner, meanwhile, is often comfortably oblivious to the impact of his behaviour on his wife, and uninterested in what life with him is like. Nor does he have the emotional tools to make sense of her experience.
Towards the end of the book, Dr Arad offers tips for managing difficulties NT women suffer in neurodiverse relationships, and shares her thinking about the decision stay or leave. The book concludes with recommendations for improved communication to enable a safe and ideally amicable transition, either into a better relationship, or to separation and divorce.
This book has much to recommend it, to the women to whom it is addressed in its title, as well as to counselling professionals. Although much of the thesis form persists, the book has potential appeal to a wide readership. And yet how do I respond as a reviewer: is this a book intended to help and advise women? a handbook for professionals? or a thesis? Frequent bracketed thesis references interrupt the flow of reading. I wished for a simpler summary of research findings, and for statistics to be in a graph or pie chart.
The bulk of the book addresses knowing and understanding. When it comes to the transformative or helpful tips, I found the brief 2-page list of seven disappointing, heavy with don’ts, rather than phrased in an affirming way. Surprising from a professional coach.
The section entitled “Maintaining boundaries and self-care” contains this powerful statement:
The most important and urgent point is to stop any form of abuse if it occurs at home. No woman must agree to be a victim of meltdowns, humiliation, and insults, to accept a disrespectful attitude, or to have her children exposed to abuse. It doesn’t matter if the hurtful behavior originates from a communication disorder or anything else. The demand for respect is elementary. It’s the basic right of human beings and should be insisted upon whenever someone tramples on it.
Dr Arad goes on to recommend three clear, linked strategies to strengthen women struggling in their neurodiverse relationship:
- setting boundaries using a broken record technique to assert refusal to tolerate abuse,
- unilateral self-care to set boundaries around what she is willing to do for others, and to discover things to do for herself, and
- the daily practice of 10 minutes of mindful breathing to build a personal sense of calm and focus.
Despite its imperfections, I would recommend this book to women and practitioners, especially as it fills a gap in the material available. Hopefully a more accessible version will become available in the future. If it does, I imagine it will fly off the shelves!
The book opens with a glossary of psychological concepts relevant to the study. While assessing ASD in children has grown easier, adult assessment remains less common, often occurring only when a child in the family is diagnosed. And yet evidently ASD is just as likely in both children and adults, and four times more prevalent in males. [Elsewhere it has also been suggested that testing methodologies may have skewed gender results.] Furthermore the stigma associated with any kind of psychological disorder means that diagnosing Asperger’s syndrome and high functioning autism in adults remains silent in many parts of the world.
Given one feature of ASD is significant communication deficits, it is no wonder neuro diverse couples – where one partner, most commonly the woman, is neuro-typical (NT) – experience relationship difficulties. Research is rare on the effects of autistic traits on intimate relationships, Dr Arad suggesting that researchers dismiss the voices and experience of female partners as bitter and complaining.
Adult ASD may include mindblindness, addiction elements, OCD, and a range of other behaviours negatively affecting a marital relationship. The NT partner commonly finds herself burdened alone with the emotional and practical caregiving for her family to the point of feeling like a single parent. Dr Arad’s examination of the sinister evolution of violence in a neuro diverse relationship of this kind will ring alarm bells for too many women who have been persuaded they simply aren’t trying hard enough.
“The well-known cycle (of violence) does not usually characterize the abusive behavior of an [ASD man], [who] will rarely exhibit remorse or a genuine apology…. Moreover, the abusive behaviors can last for long periods with no relief. … apologies mainly reflecting his having learned that his partner expects [it] …, and that it is socially customary … [and occur] only when he fears the possibility of separation, to prevent his partner leaving.”
Chapter 2, When Fantasy Meets Reality, opens with case material which eloquently illustrates how women have been blamed for what’s different, as if that is wrong, and are expected to get over themselves, as though they are imagining it all. Experiences of new motherhood and new parenthood highlight cracks which a couple may have managed to avoid. Vast differences in demands and expectations with regard to sex also become apparent at this time, leading to deep distress. From the case material it is clear there is no one size fits all, at some men can be sexually insatiable while others lose interest altogether, or seek enjoyment elsewhere. A common feature is that ASD severely impairs the capacity for warmth, affection and intimacy in a marriage.
When Your Man is on the Spectrum
To Know, Understand & Transform Your Relationship
Dr Pnina Arad, an Israeli relationship coach and counsellor, is passionately concerned about the lives of women whose partner has an autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Writing this book, after the labour of researching and writing her doctoral thesis on the topic, has not dimmed her passion. There is no doubt that the author understands her topic from the inside of the counselling room as well as through her research, giving the impression of being a skilled and compassionate therapist.
Dr Arad warmly invites the reader on a journey of discovery. Her stated goals are twofold: to inform neurotypical (NT) partners of ASD men who are diagnosed, partially diagnosed, or undiagnosed, and to enlighten professionals who work with such couples. Concepts in this book are illustrated with case material and quotations from women’s responses either to qualitative questions in her thesis or to Arad’s Facebook blog. Much of this powerful first-person material leaps off the page, and is often deeply affecting. The doctoral research clearly covered a great deal of new ground, using both quantitative and qualitative research methods. If she knew her subject before starting this thesis, my impression is that Dr Arad’s comprehension and capacity have deepened considerably as a result of completing it.
Dr Arad undertakes to decipher for readers the general, then more detailed shape of relationships between men with ASD and neurotypical (NT) women, and how they evolve. Starting with the often apparently romantic beginnings of such a relationship, she goes on to look more closely at the behaviour and experience of each partner and how their relationships can evolve to create a toxic home life for couples and their children. The book explains how women can gradually become trapped, exhibiting behaviours characteristic of people suffering deep trauma, as they feel desperately lonely, unsafe, even terrified. Their male partner, meanwhile, is often comfortably oblivious to the impact of his behaviour on his wife, and uninterested in what life with him is like. Nor does he have the emotional tools to make sense of her experience.
Towards the end of the book, Dr Arad offers tips for managing difficulties NT women suffer in neurodiverse relationships, and shares her thinking about the decision stay or leave. The book concludes with recommendations for improved communication to enable a safe and ideally amicable transition, either into a better relationship, or to separation and divorce.
This book has much to recommend it, to the women to whom it is addressed in its title, as well as to counselling professionals. Although much of the thesis form persists, the book has potential appeal to a wide readership. And yet how do I respond as a reviewer: is this a book intended to help and advise women? a handbook for professionals? or a thesis? Frequent bracketed thesis references interrupt the flow of reading. I wished for a simpler summary of research findings, and for statistics to be in a graph or pie chart.
The bulk of the book addresses knowing and understanding. When it comes to the transformative or helpful tips, I found the brief 2-page list of seven disappointing, heavy with don’ts, rather than phrased in an affirming way. Surprising from a professional coach.
The section entitled “Maintaining boundaries and self-care” contains this powerful statement:
The most important and urgent point is to stop any form of abuse if it occurs at home. No woman must agree to be a victim of meltdowns, humiliation, and insults, to accept a disrespectful attitude, or to have her children exposed to abuse. It doesn’t matter if the hurtful behavior originates from a communication disorder or anything else. The demand for respect is elementary. It’s the basic right of human beings and should be insisted upon whenever someone tramples on it.
Dr Arad goes on to recommend three clear, linked strategies to strengthen women struggling in their neurodiverse relationship:
- setting boundaries using a broken record technique to assert refusal to tolerate abuse,
- unilateral self-care to set boundaries around what she is willing to do for others, and to discover things to do for herself, and
- the daily practice of 10 minutes of mindful breathing to build a personal sense of calm and focus.
Despite its imperfections, I would recommend this book to women and practitioners, especially as it fills a gap in the material available. Hopefully a more accessible version will become available in the future. If it does, I imagine it will fly off the shelves!
September 20, 2025
This book is overly biased and unfairly conflates autistic traits with abuse, without considering the other side of the relationship or approaches for bridging the communication gap. Seek better resources that provide a less biased lens.
June 19, 2026
Well researched but rather pessimistic and discouraging
It is evident that the author's PhD research is detailed, rigorous and highly important. This book will be a lifeline for women with a partner with ASD who are alao suffering narcissistic abuse.
However, as a woman who is with a lovely, sweet man that I suspect has ASD and no ill-intentions, but whose quirks I want to understand a bit better, I found this book increasingly depressive.
It doesn't really give much advice on how to adjust your own words and actions to convey your thoughts more effectively to someone with autism.
Furthermore, though it contained the occasional word of praise for autistic individuals, the amount of testimonies it drew on from their NT female partners calling their time with their ASD male partners "hell", "torture", "depressing" etc. was perhaps a little excessive.
Whilst their more extreme experiences absolutely have to be honoured and shared, it left me feeling as if one shouldn't even bother having relationships with autistic men at all.
I think what could have improved it is having a bit more nuance and rewriting the PhD to be a little less technical in its data. Conducting interviews with more autistic male partners (rather than just experts) could have helped.
Rather than seeking an insight to see how I can understand and love my possibly ASD partner more effectively, I just felt like this book was telling me I would be better off giving up and leaving him.
If you are looking to understand the full psychologically damaging impact that can be experienced by some neurotypical women with ASD men, then it is a very thorough and enlightening book. But, if you were hoping for more practical and optimistic guidance, you may be left wanting.
It is evident that the author's PhD research is detailed, rigorous and highly important. This book will be a lifeline for women with a partner with ASD who are alao suffering narcissistic abuse.
However, as a woman who is with a lovely, sweet man that I suspect has ASD and no ill-intentions, but whose quirks I want to understand a bit better, I found this book increasingly depressive.
It doesn't really give much advice on how to adjust your own words and actions to convey your thoughts more effectively to someone with autism.
Furthermore, though it contained the occasional word of praise for autistic individuals, the amount of testimonies it drew on from their NT female partners calling their time with their ASD male partners "hell", "torture", "depressing" etc. was perhaps a little excessive.
Whilst their more extreme experiences absolutely have to be honoured and shared, it left me feeling as if one shouldn't even bother having relationships with autistic men at all.
I think what could have improved it is having a bit more nuance and rewriting the PhD to be a little less technical in its data. Conducting interviews with more autistic male partners (rather than just experts) could have helped.
Rather than seeking an insight to see how I can understand and love my possibly ASD partner more effectively, I just felt like this book was telling me I would be better off giving up and leaving him.
If you are looking to understand the full psychologically damaging impact that can be experienced by some neurotypical women with ASD men, then it is a very thorough and enlightening book. But, if you were hoping for more practical and optimistic guidance, you may be left wanting.
February 7, 2026
As a neurotypical woman married to an autistic man, I had high hopes for this book; as a neurotypical woman married to an autistic man, this was not the book for me.
I was excited to read how I could come alongside my husband and understand him a little more with him having autism. Many autistic men are actually extremely amazing and caring partners (and fathers!) in their relationships and aren't quite the "villains" this author describes almost every man to be in this book. I'm not sure why there weren't success examples of couples in here, but this title is ABSOLUTELY, FRUSTRATINGLY deceiving. Instead, this book was all about how the neurotypical woman will either end up abused or fed up enough to get a divorce from "said autistic man."
I'm sorry, what?!
Of course there are not-so-good men (and women) in this world. But simply, a man having autism is NOT a bad thing. Let me say it again differently: Not every autistic man IS. A. BAD. MAN!!!! And shame on this author for making it seem this way throughout this "so-called research"! There was more encouragement for the woman to get a divorce than to work through her relationship, if possible.
So, again, WHY THE DECEIVING TITLE!?
PSA to the neurotypical woman out there: You can have a successful, loving, happy relationship with an autistic man. Don't let this book tell you otherwise! (I'm a prime example this book apparently was not able to come up with.)
So disappointed with this whole book and how it is perceived 😡
I was excited to read how I could come alongside my husband and understand him a little more with him having autism. Many autistic men are actually extremely amazing and caring partners (and fathers!) in their relationships and aren't quite the "villains" this author describes almost every man to be in this book. I'm not sure why there weren't success examples of couples in here, but this title is ABSOLUTELY, FRUSTRATINGLY deceiving. Instead, this book was all about how the neurotypical woman will either end up abused or fed up enough to get a divorce from "said autistic man."
I'm sorry, what?!
Of course there are not-so-good men (and women) in this world. But simply, a man having autism is NOT a bad thing. Let me say it again differently: Not every autistic man IS. A. BAD. MAN!!!! And shame on this author for making it seem this way throughout this "so-called research"! There was more encouragement for the woman to get a divorce than to work through her relationship, if possible.
So, again, WHY THE DECEIVING TITLE!?
PSA to the neurotypical woman out there: You can have a successful, loving, happy relationship with an autistic man. Don't let this book tell you otherwise! (I'm a prime example this book apparently was not able to come up with.)
So disappointed with this whole book and how it is perceived 😡
August 1, 2023
As a psychology graduate, I loved that this read like a research paper/journal article. The author conducted her study for her doctoral research and presented the findings in this book. She also included quotations and anecdotes from neurotypical (NT) women in relationships with men diagnosed or suspected of having high-functioning autism (HFA).
Most things I’ve read talk about how great a relationship with a HFA man would be and discusses all the positive aspects of men with autism spectrum disorder (ASD).
This book/research validates all the NT women who suffer from Cassandra syndrome by being in relationships with their HFA partners. These women suffer in silence because no one else understands how damaging being in a relationship with a HFA can be: the lack of emotional support, the habitual lying, having to play the caretaker/parental role, the detrimental effects on your physical and mental health.
Fascinating read. Again, this reads like a research paper, not a self-help book.
Most things I’ve read talk about how great a relationship with a HFA man would be and discusses all the positive aspects of men with autism spectrum disorder (ASD).
This book/research validates all the NT women who suffer from Cassandra syndrome by being in relationships with their HFA partners. These women suffer in silence because no one else understands how damaging being in a relationship with a HFA can be: the lack of emotional support, the habitual lying, having to play the caretaker/parental role, the detrimental effects on your physical and mental health.
Fascinating read. Again, this reads like a research paper, not a self-help book.
April 15, 2021
"When Your Man Is on the Spectrum" is actually a long drawn out treatise based on the author's Phd. thesis. The book details Dr. Arad's clinical work in Israel with so-called neurodiverse couples (i.e. where the male partner is autistic/rigid and the female is neurotypical). While the book included some useful information on the challenges women face in such relationships, it also was way too long, poorly edited, and based on a limited sample of hetero couples with children and extended families and therefore irrelevant to many readers.
After wading through the author's repetitive case studies, I was initially happy to see that the last few chapters proposed some proactive survival strategies to help the exhausted unhappy women she met. However, in reality Dr. Arad's strategies would be useless to most women in these kinds of unions. For example, how is a woman in a "financially abusive" marriage (where the autistic husband controls every penny) supposed to get the time and resources to get massages, go to the beauty salon and hire child care? These were all presented as realistic coping mechanisms by the author! I may not have a Phd. in psychology but I do work as a volunteer crisis counselor with many female clients, and based on my real life experience Dr. Arad's coping mechanisms are a joke in the world we live in now.
After wading through the author's repetitive case studies, I was initially happy to see that the last few chapters proposed some proactive survival strategies to help the exhausted unhappy women she met. However, in reality Dr. Arad's strategies would be useless to most women in these kinds of unions. For example, how is a woman in a "financially abusive" marriage (where the autistic husband controls every penny) supposed to get the time and resources to get massages, go to the beauty salon and hire child care? These were all presented as realistic coping mechanisms by the author! I may not have a Phd. in psychology but I do work as a volunteer crisis counselor with many female clients, and based on my real life experience Dr. Arad's coping mechanisms are a joke in the world we live in now.
December 9, 2023
FINALLY!!!
Wow!
Craziness of marriage.
Am I really THAT bad?
How do I put into words that the man you see on the street is not the same man I see in my house!
This book brought me peace.
The author has done an amazing job of defining people on the spectrum who fool others into believing they are someone they are not!! I encourage therapist to read this book. It's a lifeline for those who try to make sense of the craziness of being married to one on the spectrum.
Wow!
Craziness of marriage.
Am I really THAT bad?
How do I put into words that the man you see on the street is not the same man I see in my house!
This book brought me peace.
The author has done an amazing job of defining people on the spectrum who fool others into believing they are someone they are not!! I encourage therapist to read this book. It's a lifeline for those who try to make sense of the craziness of being married to one on the spectrum.
September 10, 2024
Very insightful
Very informative and insightful. It made me feel not so alone. I would recommend this book to anyone feeling desperate and stuck. It has given me a lens to see things differently and courage to set boundaries. We’ll see what the end result is with my dysfunctional marriage soon.
Very informative and insightful. It made me feel not so alone. I would recommend this book to anyone feeling desperate and stuck. It has given me a lens to see things differently and courage to set boundaries. We’ll see what the end result is with my dysfunctional marriage soon.
June 26, 2021
Interesting research
Stories resonate for those needing to understand this is a real issue which women often feel under heard and try to fix themselves when it’s understanding the spectrum which their husband struggles with.
Stories resonate for those needing to understand this is a real issue which women often feel under heard and try to fix themselves when it’s understanding the spectrum which their husband struggles with.
July 17, 2022
Very easy and insightful read!
As a student therapist, I’m so grateful to have stumbled upon this book. It was so easy to read, backed with ample and sound research, and very insightful. This is a must read for any therapist!
As a student therapist, I’m so grateful to have stumbled upon this book. It was so easy to read, backed with ample and sound research, and very insightful. This is a must read for any therapist!
June 19, 2024
The Best I’ve Read
The author seemed to cover every struggle and every feeling that a woman in this situation so often experiences. I felt understood, and that I no longer had to deny what I felt, or continue to suffer.
The author seemed to cover every struggle and every feeling that a woman in this situation so often experiences. I felt understood, and that I no longer had to deny what I felt, or continue to suffer.
March 12, 2021
This book answered several questions I had.
February 6, 2023
Such a helpful book, I've seen little else like it on the market.
May 1, 2025
Enlightening! I just never found the "transform" part...
September 20, 2021
interesting research though quite limited to the small group of participants and experiences
January 18, 2022
I as woman in a “neurodiverse” relationship, a lot of the information was useful. However there were some things that weren’t quite what I expected. The book could benefit from an editor- the ideas were repetitive at times and some information could have been left out without hurting the content at all. I read the English version, so I would also recommend a revision in the translation, nothing mayor, just some verbs tenses and synonyms that would make more sense in the context. Finally, the biggest disappointment was that the “transformation” part of the book advertised in the cover, is barely mentioned! The problems are stated for over 200 pages and then “solutions” are a list at the end that are not specific for “neurodiverse” relationships. Seriously? I have severe depresión therefore the solution is to quit my medication and get my nails done? I hope that people in neurodiverse relationships who read this book don’t come to the conclusion that the only thing you can do is get a divorce or accept that if you married a man on the spectrum nothing will ever be good.
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