Still Learning: A Memoir

by India Oxenberg

Still Learning is India Oxenberg’s intimate, first-person account of how she was lured into and, seven years later, escaped from the NXIVM cult, DOS.

As the secret sorority within NXIVM's vast Ponzi network, DOS was created by Keith Raniere and his acolytes to serve as a source of "slaves" to Keith and the other “masters”. Despite the fantastical headlines, the focus of Still Learning reflects what many parents and age peers of India’s will recognize as a far more familiar 20-something conundrum - a new adult trying to discover who she is, and in the process second-guessing the advice of parents, concerned siblings, and close friends who prove to be all too right - about a romantic partner, a sharp turn off of a hard-won educational track, or a dangerous group like NXIVM. India’s is a surprisingly relatable “adulting” tale set amidst one of the most alarming news stories of the day, rich with data on warning signs that distinguish exploration from exploitation.

This is much more than a survival story; it's a deeply personal reflection on how to come out (or help a loved one come out) the other side intact, still hopeful, and remarkably adult.

2020 India Oxenberg (P)2020 Audible, Inc.

Genres: Cults, Audiobook, Memoir, Nonfiction, True Crime, Biography

Audio CD

Published January 26, 2021

Reviews

[Mary Frances · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, of course I would say that India's story is valuable, and I for one would want to hear from anyone involved in nxivm. That being said, the book seems carefully crafted to absolve India of any wrongdoing. At times, there is a vertiginous rush through time, and India is clearly glossing over some events.

India suffers from dyslexia, and I am not trying to shame her, but at the end of the book she says that she has learned so much by reading "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, by Toni Morrison." That book was written by Maya Angelou, and of course this mistake is upsetting.

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excerpt: "this is how cults work: They pull you in, they offer you education, courses or programs that you become invested in because they are tied to your personal transformation. What you don't realize is that there is no end to this process. That you get caught in a web of words that gradually replace your own thoughts, your own feelings, your own heartbeat. They take away access to your own thoughts, ideas, and viewpoints. They erase an essential freedom of expression, making you both mute and deaf to anything but their proselytizing. You become part of a closed community, in which everyone speaks the same language, shares the same values, responds to the same leader . . . With each new course, I received both praise and criticism, which was exactly as they intended. To give me enough praise to motivate me, to make me feel good about myself, alongside a good dose of negative feedback to convince me that I had so much more to learn..."

[Natasha Niezgoda · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really appreciate India’s vulnerability. I can’t imagine going through what she’s been through and then sharing that globally.

There’s much more insight into the brainwashing, manipulation, corrosion, and dominion of NXIVM in this exposé than in the HBO series.

I do wish more would be shared from an accountability perspective. Especially in regards to the FBI investigation and who is responsible for what and who was charged. And who is being brought to justice for having recruited hundreds of women into DOS.

[Todd Fischer · Rating 5 out of 5]

India Oxenberg’s Still Learning is a memoir that stays with you long after you finish. She writes with striking vulnerability about her years inside NXIVM and the secret group DOS, but this is not just a sensational cult story. It is a thoughtful and personal account of how someone searching for meaning can get caught in manipulation and what it takes to slowly reclaim yourself afterward.

What I appreciated most was India’s honesty. She does not try to make herself look perfect, and she does not tie everything up neatly. Instead, she shares her doubts, her mistakes, her moments of shame and courage, and the messy, ongoing process of healing. The title Still Learning reflects the spirit of the book perfectly. She is not claiming to have all the answers, only offering her truth.

If you have seen The Vow or read articles about NXIVM, you may think you know the story. Hearing it directly from India gives it a whole new depth. It is painful at times, but also relatable in surprising ways, especially for anyone who has struggled with identity, belonging, or trusting the wrong people.

This is not just a book about trauma. It is also about survival, resilience, and finding your voice again. Highly recommended.

[Mike Prewitt · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very important read. Although it is pretty creepy

[Jessi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honestly, she did amazing these are things went through post-cult and during cult. I highly recommend reading!

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

Your poor mother!!

[Donna Beiderman · Rating 5 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ This is a heartbreaking memoir about India Oxenberg. I loved that she narrated her own memoir as she has a very calming voice. For seven years she was brainwashed, abused and branded in a sex slave cult led by Keith Raniere founder of NXIVM, a multi-level marketing company and cult based near Albany, New York. I watched The Vow on HBO and needed to find out how this true life crime story was going to end. This is a raw look into her mindset while living in the cult. India describes her ordeal and it brought me to tears as the content is a very disturbing at times. Her story is an important one and needs to be heard. I have so much compassion for all she has been through and hope and pray she continues to heal surrounded by loved ones. I am also relieved that Keith Raniere and some of his puppets will spend time behind bars for their crimes!!

#indiaoxenberg #dos #thevow
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[Krazyaboutbooks · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was about India and how she got involved with NXIVM. it was interesting in some aspects, but the book is disjointed without a clear timeline. I feel that India wrote this book to absolve herself of any responsibility for anything that happened in NXIVM. She does not give a clear reason why she joined, she is non-specific about certain aspects of the religion and throughout the book you can tell that she is holding back. I feel that if not for her mother, then this story would have a very different ending. and dyslexia does not give you a greater ability to survive abuse than those without this condition. Its a false narrative and highly offensive to those who have gone through abuse.

[Jude · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not sure I learned anything I didn't already know from watching "The Vow," or "Seduced: Inside the NXVIM Cult" or reading "Scarred." But it's still interesting to listen to a first-person perspective of a life inside a cult.

[Stefanie Robinson · Rating 3 out of 5]

India Oxenberg is a former member of the NXVIUM cult led by Keith Raniere. The cult was a complex level scam that preyed on people who were looking for something they were missing in their lives. People from all walks of life, from the average person to the famous, attended courses to get them deeper and deeper into the teachings of this group. People have spent an obscene amount of money on these courses. India tells what drew her in, her experiences during, and how her life has been in the aftermath. I have read a lot of cult books in my life, and I always shake my head in disbelief that people could buy into such things, but then...look at members of my own family. I do not have the personality or the attitude that would be suited for cult life, but I find it to be a very interesting subject to learn about.

[Linda Palazzolo · Rating 3 out of 5]

I remember when this went down a couple of years ago. The manipulation enrages me. It’s saddens me that people are so evil. To hear how a young woman who’s got everything going for her can fall so deep. How do you ‘think nothing of calling your coach - Allison Mack - Master and you’re the slave’? The leader, Keith Raniere is in prison for 120 years and still believes he did nothing wrong. There are still rich and powerful people out there that believe this ESP NXIVM DOS crap. Desperate people looking for happiness and fulfillment that have too much money and time on their hands are fuel that keeps these scams going. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.

[Caroline David · Rating 5 out of 5]

Courageous and stoic, India's narration was gripping and heartbreaking. India was honest without boundaries and you could feel it in her voice. I really need this to come out in print because it really is that powerful. India gives an inside look into NXIVM and how easy it is to be groomed by master manipulators. I think the only thing I would add to the print version of the book is her victim impact statement given at Keith Raniere's sentencing (the audiobook was published before the sentencing therefore was not in the book or epilogue).

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. What a crazy story. I really appreciated that India was as open and honest about her experience as she was, and I liked that she asked the question of how she ended up getting involved in something like this. While she scratches the surface of answering that question, I think it’s made clear that she is still processing that herself and she is, after all, still learning. Her experience is certainly a hard one to read, but an important statement to others with similar experiences that they aren’t alone. Highly recommend on audio for those interested in checking it out.

[Joya Cousin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I missed the NXIVM scandal on the news. It is always fascinating to hear from those who escape the throes of cult life and live to tell the tale. I have come away feeling that we all have more in common than we think. No matter how rich or privileged, we all have our weak points and areas of insecurity, we all want to find acceptance, a place to call home and something we can be good at. Unfortunately, the things that we take pride in are the very things that may make us prey for the unscrupulous, and may be the origins of our own undoing.

[Hank Pharis · Rating 3 out of 5]

(NOTE: I'm stingy with stars. For me 2 stars means a good book or a B. 3 stars means a very good book or a B+. 4 stars means an outstanding book or an A {only about 5% of the books I read merit 4 stars}. 5 stars means an all time favorite or an A+ {Only one of 400 or 500 books rates this!).

The great news is that I can listen to a book a day at work. The bad news is that I can’t keep up with decent reviews. So I’m going to give up for now and just rate them. I hope to come back to some of the most significant things I listen to and read them and then post a review.

[Thomas · Rating 3 out of 5]

When I got this book, it was on sale and I figured this was a story that had been in the news and was worth being better informed about. This is clearly not the whole story of NEXVIM but it is a part of it.

This is mostly about the author’s personal experiences, and I guess it makes sense that it would be. If I ever want a more complete story of that cult, there are other books.

Anyway, good luck with the rest of your life, India. I hope it’s long, productive, and not interesting enough to be book-worthy.

[Jackie Barnett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Still Learning by India Oxenberg ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I felt like this book really connected all the dots and closed a lot of the stories told in her Mom's version of the story (Captive).

India shared all the emotions, brainwashing techniques, and struggles she faced while in NXIVM but also the light bulb moment when she realized this wasn't life, when she walked away, how she's begun to find herself again, how she assisted with the trial, and how she felt throughout the trials of those in NXIVM.

I actually really liked that this one was an audible read.

[Barinda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think a cult is comparable to any kind of toxic relationship...whether if it's between family members, friends, romantic partner, etc...even though I've never been in a cult, India's story was relatable because I have unfortunately had many toxic relationships...these relationships don't always start toxic...they show you the good first and once they have their hooks in you and have your trust and love then that's when they flip. India is brave to share her story.💕

[Juli Burnham · Rating 4 out of 5]

I watched The Vow on HBO and wanted to read this to find the ending of the story. (Would recommend both for a mind-blowing, the-truth-is-stranger-than-fiction experience!) It is a crazy story of a cult lead by a true sociopath that convinced young women to isolate and starve themselves, and get branded with the cult leader’s initials. The tragic thing is I could easily see myself falling into a group like this focused on “self-improvement” and question at what point would I see it’s fallacies.

[Boone Bolinder · Rating 2 out of 5]

This felt like a publicity stunt to try and make her seem completely innocent. As I listened I was torn deciding what the level of accountability she should have and to what degree she was a victim. I landed on her being a victim, but not to the extent that she portrays. A charismatic figure exerting force through paid trainings seems like a stretch. I was reminded of any high pressure sales situation.
An interesting listen as I was not very familiar with the cult and the story behind it.

[Lauren Mendez · Rating 5 out of 5]

CW: manipulation, sexual abuse
This memoir highlights how India became involved with NXIVM and became a part of something that went from joyful and exciting to traumatizing and controlling. This is a story of the power of continuing on and reclaiming your life when someone else seeks to use and control you.

[Cal Hale · Rating 3 out of 5]

I first heard about this cult through the documentary following India's story. I have since read Scarred by Sarah Edmondson and done some more research and my heart still breaks for India.

It's interesting to hear what the experience was like for someone in their 20s versus Sarah in her 30s.

I appreciate India, sharing her story with the public.

[Dionne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read a lot about NXIVM. The first book I read was India's mom's book. Yet, I wasn't sure what I would think about India's. I loved it.

India does a great job of sharing her personal story.

[Carina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well I said Captive was the best Nxivm book so far, but thus is a clear tie.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I restarted my Audible account just to listen to this story and it was worth it. Excellently written and performed by the author.

[Liz Sieloff simpson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yikes! This story is crazy! Hard to believe that these people can get so controlling but good to hear her perspective on how she feel into this trap. Great listen.

[Tasha · Rating 5 out of 5]

So brave. I loved it

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

After watching The Vow on HBO I was curious to hear India’s story- it’s hard to imagine how people can get so caught up in cults like this!

[Monica · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars