Baby, Unplugged: One Mother’s Search for Balance, Reason, and Sanity in the Digital Age

by Sophie Brickman

A charming, meticulously researched, and illuminating look at how technology infiltrates every aspect of raising children today, filled with helpful advice parents can use to best navigate the digital landscape, and ultimately learn to trust their own judgment.

There’s an app or device for nearly every aspect of parenting today: monitoring your baby; entertaining or educating your toddler; connecting with other new parents for tips, tricks, and community—virtually every aspect of daily life. But it isn’t a parenting paradise; the truth is much more complicated.

The mother of two young daughters, journalist Sophie Brickman wondered what living in a tech-saturated world was doing to her and her children. She turned to experts, academics, doctors, and innovators for advice and insight. Baby, Unplugged brings together Brickman’s in-depth research with her own candid (sometimes hilarious) personal experience to help parents sort through the wide and often confusing tech offerings available today and to sort out what’s helpful and what’s not.

Filled with relatable and entertaining stories as well as practical takeaways, Baby, Unplugged is destined to become a touchstone for parents today, giving them the permission to forge their own path through the morass of technological options, to restore their faith in themselves, and to help them raise good, social, and engaged people in the modern world.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Family, Childrens

336 pages, Hardcover

Published September 7, 2021

Reviews

[Becky]

At this time in our culture it certainly does seem like there's a new recommended app or item that will help parents keep their kids healthy, teach them various necessary skills, and even get them on track for college when they're only 6 months old! And with so many of these bombarding us daily, it's hard to know what might actually be helpful and what's just too damn much!

And, after admitting to have struggled with the idea of how much tech is needed for raising children (or, better yet, how much tech is too much tech when it comes to raising children), this is exactly what reporter and mother of two Sophie Brickman tries to determine in her book.

One note, the book was completed prior to Covid lockdown. Brickman does include, in her intro, a bit about whether she felt the research she'd done was even relevant given the current situation—ultimately deciding it was more useful and important than ever.

So a little background on me before I get into my review: I work two jobs and have a toddler. My husband is self-employed and works crazy hours. We started daycare on March 1, 2020.

Yup.

And I have come to the conclusion that parenting does make people like me more than just a little neurotic (and let's face it, I probably was leaning that way before adding a kid to the equation given all of my anxiety issues). So with all of that in mind, I'll admit parenting books drive me up the wall. One of our potty training books left me in tears and so angry that I put it in the recycling bin (after my kid went to sleep because I didn't want him to see mommy essentially throwing away a book!).

And it's with all of that in my head that I dove into Brickman's book. And instantly felt my anxiety peaking!

But that's kind of the point. All of these recommended products and such do drive us all a bit crazy. Especially if we're inclined to worry. Brickman talks about products meant to track your baby's sleep, sending oodles of data to your phone so you can examine numbers that mean what?! And the trend of showing up at the doctor's office already telling your pediatrician what you've diagnosed your child with thanks to the internet (and that's not limited to parents, btw). And that's just the first chapter, which thankfully ends with the determination that all of that info aside, if you're simply loving and caring for your child, maybe mindfulness is more important.

Brickman tackles mommy groups, smart toys, AAP guidelines, kids' TV, and more. Her style is conversational and easy to read even when she does dive into statistics (which never become overwhelming). But I did walk away feel a little like I was being shamed for letting my almost three year old watch PAW Patrol!

To be fair, I already felt guilty about it. But I'm finally getting to a point where I don't care! We've set our own limits. We're trying to become comfortable with the decisions we make as parents regarding our child's interactions with tech. And a lot of Brickman's info reinforces decisions we've already made.

So I might not recommend this one for parents like me who literally feel as though they're constantly being judged and ranked as worst parent ever (I have a therapist for this, don't worry).

But for folks who maybe aren't as anxiety ridden as me, this is probably a useful tool to help in coming up with your own level of comfort regarding your life and kids and digital culture.

[k8 conroy · Rating 2 out of 5]

i may deserve to be roasted for this bc my 5 month old is apparently absurdly angelic and content, but like come on guys is it really that hard to simply never put a baby in front of a screen. if as far as the baby knows it doesn’t exist then they won’t want it. i understand it may be more work up front to teach them to play independently but it will pay off in the long run and the returns will come quickly. i agree with her point she makes twice briefly that society is not set up so that all parents can parent with as much ease as families deserve. idk at least however judgy i may come off, it’s nowhere near how judgy this author is of parents who use tech related to their children despite the fact that she also sometimes hands her child her phone to play an app game. i can’t believe her editors didn’t say woah girl let’s tone this down a bit and perhaps look in the mirror. and last but not least when she said “strapping” an owlet (pulse ox/heart monitor) to your child is “as nurturing as” leaving them out in the sun to cook like have you never heard of a medically fragile child?? this lady can’t see past her nose but ok. me and my pulse ox and lack of toddler game apps shall continue as is. i don’t even know what she really wants to say by the end of this book.

[Matt Conger · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny story about this book. I was all set to read it in my ordinary course of reading. But then Amazon release a device for parents that caused a pretty stark disagreement at home. I wanted to buy it, she didn’t. To broker a resolution, I agreed to read this book and report back with my findings.

The author does a great job taking a specific technology issue (“how many photos to take and how to share them?”) and giving a balanced assessment. Unsurprisingly, everything is best done in moderation.

What I enjoyed about the book was how she pointed out subtle aspects of technology. For example, it isn’t so much that using your phone is bad, it is kids seeing your face become expressionless that is the problem.

The book resembles Emily Oster’s writing style, for better or worse. They mix in humorous anecdotes from their own parenting along with a review of academic work and quotes from interviews they’ve scored to support the book’s thesis.

Unlike Emily Oster, this author particularly seeks out founders in “BabyTech” and lets them tell their stories. This leads me to my only minor criticism. I wish she had sought out more conflicting viewpoints and let the reader choose which is best. For the most part, she seeks out academics who are anti-tech and entrepreneurs who are pro-tech. My favorite parts of the book are when she went against this categorization by finding pro-tech academics and anti-tech entrepreneurs.

Overall, it is a great book and one that I’m recommending my wife and other new parents should absolutely read (in print!).

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Brickman’s search for balance, reason, and sanity in this digital age is a common and important one. I liked her balance of “expert” opinions with “parent/friend” opinions. Note my quotes here, because parents/friends are definitely experts in that they, alone, know the most about each of their individual children. As a fairly new grandma, my concern is how (or if) the glowy noisy digital toys and screens will replace old fashioned amusements such as blocks, dolls, cars, and books. In many cases they won’t. (Audible sigh of relief.) However, limited amounts of electronics won’t turn your child into an unimaginable night-glowing zombie, either.
My main take-away from this book is: As you raise/play with/nurture your child, focus on the things that are unique to humans. My main two are language and love. Spend time interacting with your child, using a block, doll, book, screen, or robot as a tool to facilitate your relationship. Talk with your child about the toy, the setting, your/their feelings, the possibilities and enjoy the moment.

[Colleen C · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a reader who is 6 months pregnant with my first child, it would be an understatement to say that I feel unprepared to navigate the tension between technology and parenting. While I’ve been fretting over how much tech-based baby devices to put on my baby registry or wondering about future screen time rules, having Sophie Brickman’s new book Baby, Unplugged as a companion has been helpful in soothing my anxieties. Brickman has carefully researched a variety of topics that plague modern parents: collecting baby data, online parenting groups, constant photo/video documenting, tech toys, screens, and apps. She doesn’t necessarily give prescriptive advice, but by pulling together experts to weigh in on the topics, it’s clear that each parent can weigh their own values and choices in an ever changing environment. There really are no right answers at this point, but wasting time fretting is taking away from the quality time you could be sharing with your kids.

Many thanks to HarperOne and Netgalley for the opportunity to review this digital ARC in exchange for an honest opinion.

[Philip · Rating 5 out of 5]

A funny and witty take on a serious matter. The author has two young children and was concerned about the effect technology would have on their development. She undertakes an investigation into the science of it all (spoiler: it's both concerning and complicated, just like all of our own relationships to tech). Highly recommended.

[Liz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I too am against the chromebookification of education in America

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

Baby Unplugged is about the author's quest to sort through all the technological baggage that came with becoming a parent. As we all know, there’s an app or device for nearly every aspect of parenting today: sleep monitors, breast pumps, and even sheets that monitor a baby’s weight and movement at all times. Some of it is helpful, but some of it ends up causing us even more anxiety. The question becomes, is there is a point where we - as parents - are getting too much information? And is it necessary? Also, what technology is good for our kids compared to things like reading to a child.

The author had such a relatable voice and tone that was immediately disarming. She consulted many experts who helped her provide relatable advice that can help parents decide what they really need for their children and how they can use technology in a successful way. But, she also encourages parents to trust their gut and let go of control a little because life is uncontrollable.

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at: https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/sop...

[Logan Spader · Rating 3 out of 5]

Unfortunately the parents who most need this book are probably the ones who will never read it.

If you are already a retro-grouch in terms of parenting this book probably won't be much help for you. For example, the author talks about parents that give their children a phone just to make the kid stop crying. Yikes, it doesn't take a genius to understand why that might be a bad idea.

I really enjoyed the chapter about the comparison of reading a book vs an e-book with children. The author also talked about how taking photos all the time can actually be detrimental to our mental health as humans have an adaptive trait that lets us see our past as better than it actually was. When we screw that up with photos it could have negative health consequences.

Thanks for the good research Sophie.

[Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you're capturing the moment, are you ever in it?

Toys weren't a critical part of childhood until the modern era.

A toy that facilitates good play:
the child finds it fun, the toy allows the child to interact, it encourages the child to be active.

Forty percent of the people in the country are officially addicted to technology.

Parents don't get up at 6:00 am and hand their kid a block because it's harder. It takes more work. Placing them in front of a screen that sucks them in means that I, a s a parent, can have time back for myself. It makes things easier for me.

[Taylor Cantwell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is both informative and entertaining. I think we are all searching for balance in this fast paced era of technology, internet, and social media. Most importantly when it comes to children this has never been more important. I am someone who often looks to science and research and this book is a wealth of that. This book would make a fantastic gift for any new or expecting parent. Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for my advanced copy.

[Jess Alexander · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book! The narrator is uncannily relatable. She’s a tech-wary mom of two girls: a high energy toddler and a baby. She obsessively researches all things parenting and her husband Dave works in technology. There are a lot of examples of things she wrote that I’ve personally experienced but here’s one: she’s describing the baby breastfeeding and the toddler coming up to snuggle too close. She sweetly grabs the mom’s hand and for a flash the world stands still and the mom feels like some earth goddess nurturing her young in harmony. Then the toddler sneezes, boogers fly, the baby is startled and pops off spewing milk and the moment is over. This book is specifically designed to not make you feel guilty about screens or deliver dooms day messages about the fate of the future generation. It’s just a smart, good writer mom trying to reflect on how technology impacts her parenting and trying to make an informed decision about what technology is good, bad, or just neutral.

Explaining the difference between a child’s capacity to read a picture book, listen to audio and watch an animation blew my mind. There’s like a thingy in your brain (wait—should I become a neurologist?! I sound so smart) that acts like a spotlight in your brain and chooses what to focus your attention on. And that works in tandem with this other thingy that swivels your attention over to something else, like an interrupting noise or something unexpected or a notification on your phone etc. So picture books pretty perfectly allow the attention networks to work together at a slow pace that maximizes toddler comprehension (and lovely snuggle time). Audio books don’t give enough cues for comprehension to stick and animations have too many bells and whistles. The thingy that alerts your brain to switch focus is on overdrive and you don’t actually pay attention to anything in a meaningful way: hence zoning out.

I love how critical she gets in her thinking about things I’ve never thought twice about, like the disadvantages of ebooks with distracting interactive interfaces and how our generation’s obsession with photographing our kids each moment might affect memory down the line. I’m actively trying to take less pictures now, and keep ones that capture a moment, not necessarily the perfect smile. I’ve got a new favorite of my eldest that is blurry but so joyful.

From the toy chapter I’m sticking with this mantra: Active child passive toy. I want toys that stimulate imagination and interaction- the problem with a lot of modern toys is that it does the work for the kid (and parent). So like, less singing purses with lights and buttons. More sticks and cardboard boxes.

The main takeaway is just that the most paramount thing is to spend time with your kids, to read to them and play with them and talk to them. If technology gets in the way of that objective, rethink using it. I want to be there to work through tantrums and problem solve with them, to cultivate a sense of wonder and imagination and let my kids practice boredom. But also parenting is really hard and technology can be super helpful and that’s fine too. After reading this book I’m going to try to be mindful when we do start introducing screens. Subdued color palate, in real time action, normal voices and slower paced. Gah I just really enjoyed this book so much!

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Technology and screen time are two of the most polarizing topics for parents these days. If I am being honest, thinking about them can also be incredibly anxiety/guilt-inducing. Do you *need* the latest video monitoring in the nursery, complete with app and emergency calling? Are you on your phone too much in front of your child? You let them watch TV before two--are you stunting their social skills, attention span, and your potential life-long bond?

Brickman shares candidly from the perspective of someone who doesn’t love technology but is married to a partner who is obsessed with the latest tech hacks, even when it comes to baby tech. In Baby, Unplugged, she seeks to find the data surrounding what is actually useful, what is actually educational, what even *is* moderation, and what is truly detrimental when it comes to screens, tech, apps, video games, etc.

I found a lot of value and helpful information in this book, and I do recommend it--with the disclaimer that it is a bit overwhelming at times. My one criticism is that it would have been helpful to have bulleted takeaways at the end of each chapter along with practical actions a la Cribsheet. That being said, I came away better informed, and appreciated all of the perspectives that Brickman included from experts across the field *and* the table. I feel better equipped to recognize marketing geared towards American overachieving parents (looking at you, boutique Montessori subscription service I have been shelling out for) as well as when to let myself off the hook for letting the TV nanny Ted for a couple of minutes while I get ready for work, or when I should push through difficult moments for both of our benefits. One of my biggest takeaways is closely monitoring the tech that we do allow/introduce--for example looking for TV shows that encourage longer attention span and that speak in normal paced dialogue, rather than high-energy technicolor, or as he gets older making sure we are engaged in it together, rather than replacing our interactions with a screen.

One thing to note and love: Brickman acknowledges that she started this book before a pandemic that has asked parents to go absolutely above and beyond, and often be forced into situations where they have no better option than to use tech as support. No shame. No guilt. I was grateful for that on my own behalf, as well as on the behalf of people with older kids. All in all, a great book to add to your parenting arsenal!

Thank you to Net Galley and HarperOne for giving me an eARC in exchange for an honest review!

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

First, reflecting on this book without my own biases and experiences as a parent, I thought each area was explored thoroughly. There were statistics and personal anecdotes (some of which were hilarious) but the majority of the exploration was done through interviews of people anywhere from tech creators, business execs, to psychologists and those in academia. The author gave her own conclusions but allowed for some space for you as a parent to come to your own as well. The author’s political views did leak through slightly, so just make sure to give yourself some time and space to reflect whether you agree or disagree.

As a mom, I am one who wants the research and data, but who is a big advocate doing what is best for your family and I think this book works well with that outlook. The first section is mostly geared towards parents of infants and it was an interesting reflective experience now that I have had some time away from the trenches of raising a baby (a place I hope to be back in someday) so I will carry many of the author’s points with me. The second section was most interesting to me as it is something I research and think about constantly in this season of parenthood (toys and screen time).

Overall, I think this is a book that today’s parents would find useful and one in which you can just read the sections that are most pressing to you. Honestly though, most of the author’s conclusions are the same as mine so that may have some effect on my experience reading this.

I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book. All views expressed are my own.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a fun and interesting read! Sophie is a relatable author as she constantly relates everything she learns back to her family's life and her two little girls. The book has a very journalistic feel as she interviews many individuals who are involved in the baby tech world. She does have a tendency to ramble and some sections aren't very cohesive. Even after reading the book, it feels like what she has learned from her journey and the point of the book are points that are really quite obvious, so it took her quite a long time to get to a few select points that many may consider common sense. I found that some of her assertions I don't necessarily agree with. For instance, she exerts that it should be the government's job to teach and socialize children while parents should get to do the fun things with them after work, or something to that effect. So she basically idolizes Europe's childcare system. However, many parents don't want to hand that duty off to government or strangers and would prefer to be more involved in their children's lives and teach them during these formative years, even when it is tiring. Yet, the comments she made in relation to that really don't seem to be in line with most points that were made throughout the book, so some parts, such as that, really felt quite odd and out of place. I found myself divided because I thought the book was enjoyable and relatable but it could have used some editing and greater cohesion. Overall, I think many parents would enjoy it though. 3.5/5 stars.

[elle | silver.lining.reader · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5⭐️

About:
Baby, Unplugged is a gold mine of parenting advice in today’s digital age mixed-in with research-based information and personal stories from Brickman. This book covers an array of topics from the newborn stage (do we really need all that technology and information about our babies?) to early childhood (smart toys vs. analog blocks and the affect of screen programming on child development).

My thoughts:
I loved Brickman’s down-to-earth writing style in Baby, Unplugged! She presents common questions parents have regarding the plethora of digital devices used to monitor and engage babies and young children and their impact on development. There are so many helpful strategies/explanations and relatable experiences that made this an enjoyable non-fiction read.

As a mama to a 6yr old and almost 3yr old, I especially appreciated the chapter about “quality” tv programming and her conversations with specialists on how it affects young children. Her analyzation of the content children are exposed to was very eye-opening and I am feeling encouraged to be more aware of what my kiddos view in moderation and to use it as an extension tool for further discussion and learning.🙌

I highly recommend this read for new/soon-to-be parents as well as to the seasoned parent. There are many great take-always applicable to both audiences!

Memorable Quote:
“The irony is that we grownups are likely the ones who need to be taught self-regulation even more than our children.”

[Rosie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was FINALLY able to finish this one - had to wait awhile to get the audio back since I didn’t quite finish it the first time. I think I was in the right moment in life to read this book and I have to say I’m absolutely jealous of the brilliant minds she got to interview in writing it (Melissa of Melissa and Doug and Sandra Boynton were some huge highlights for me)! As a newish parent so much of this really resonated with me - you’re really looking for anything to help you and you’re constantly worried that you’ll screw up your kid if you don’t track every little thing and technology pounces on that (not that they’re the first to do so). I like that it gives a lot of information but refrains from telling you exactly what you should do. What I appreciated most was how this book validated and emphasized that parents cannot do it alone and we can’t use tech as a bandaid for the huge problems we have in lack of support and education. I couldn’t agree more and I took a bunch of notes for future reading - really enjoyable listen.

[Alexis · Rating 1 out of 5]

Baby, Unplugged, was nothing more than what the title said.

This could be my fault as the reader, I was expecting more to be told. More tangible stats. A manual that I could utilize as a new parent to gleam from all the searching of another.

What I received instead was my own fears and worries shadowed on the page.

This book felt very repetitive in the writing as well. Not an approachable method or process. Fear and anxiety rising up and mad dash to searching with technology (oh the irony).

As a new mom I can completely understand the viewpoints, stress, and fear of the topic at hand. Found some context thought provoking (relating to a stranger with one thing in common versus a friend with many and core beliefs, etc).

Thank you to Netgalley and HarperOne for an ARC copy for my honest review.

[Shana Shroll · Rating 4 out of 5]

My son’s pediatrician recommended this book to me when I expressed concern about how technology affects developing brains. While this book doesn’t spend a ton of time on that specific topic, it is well-researched, engaging, and covers both sides of the “is tech good or bad for kids?” debate. Her impetus for this book is the birth of her second daughter, born just before the pandemic, so her focus is, as the title implies, very young children. I’d be very interested to see her follow up this book in a decade or so when her kids are teenagers - both to see how the research has surely evolved by that point and also to see read her take on it. I’m sure that would be an equally engaging and insightful read.

[Charlie Hely · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really loved the book. Great info and perspective. Covered a huge range of technology that is available or that likely impacts our and our children’s lives whether we like it or not, when and how some of it can be helpful, and maybe more importantly, all the things that we either shouldn’t waste time and energy worrying about or that we should probably try to avoid/limit. But more so than other books related to raising children, it is hilarious, making it a highly enjoyable read on top of being very informative. It is also very sweet and heartwarming at times. Highly recommend.

[Karina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Super thought provoking. As a fellow mom of two little kids, I related to lots of this. I didn’t feel very judged, like some other reviewers mentioned, but the book definitely comes from a specific perspective. I felt that the author did a good job of trying to reflect the statistics of various demographics and their concerns. I found tons to consider here, and viewed it almost like a 300 page discussion with another mom about how to navigate the parenting screen dilemma.

[Nita · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was informative and also made me laugh. I appreciated that the author's conclusions were not black and white and didn't involve mum-shaming. I feel motivated to be a bit more mindful about how I use technology with my children. The chapter on photos was particularly eye opening. I have always been very careful with regards to privacy and sharing photos but I hadn't thought too much about how the very act of photographing a moment changes the quality of the interaction.

[Megan Mucci · Rating 3 out of 5]

I bounced between feeling hopeful to attacked the entirety of the book. The stats and sources affirmed what I already knew and left me with dread the majority of the time reading. However, I appreciated the author's thoroughness in her research and I did learn some new things about the importance of my role in play as a parent. I also enjoyed the author's style of writing and I was grateful to her for leaving us on a hopeful and encouraged note at the conclusion of the book.

[Amanda Augustine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesting and relevant research mixed in with personal stories, this was a quick and engaging read. I thought this book did a good job of stating (with plenty of scientific evidence) how important a parent’s role is in terms of a child’s tech exposure in the first few years of life while also acknowledging that screens (and other tech) are a pretty unavoidable part of life and often worthwhile simply for the sake of the parent’s sanity. And it was funny.

[Sewveryblessed · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book for its emphasis on analog learning for young children. Books are vital, and our lives are too full of techy convenience. Some memorable quotes:

"I can't focus when reading on a screen for longer than a few minutes. I subscribe to print versions of magazines and still go to the library for books."

"Everywhere I look, the book is being disrupted, in app form, on e-readers, with augmented reality. I can sense the tentacles of text slowly inching under the door coming for us."

[Laura Walsh · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this book. The findings of the book were not earth-shattering by any means. The book helped reinforce some of my own technology practices for my kids and also made me reconsider some as well. Overall this book's message I felt was that technology is not inherently evil but we must make sure we are using it in the way that best serves us rather than becoming mindless slaves to its allure and in doing that, we can hopefully help our children find that important balance as well.

[Steffy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Initially incredibly stressful and unpleasant - the author is clearly a tired and anxious mother and being in her thoughts is not fun. But the four star is because it picked up half way and became more actionable and less doom and gloom. It had a bunch of good advice on everything from how to pick toys to how to read to your kids, focused on technology and the anxious parent worries of the present and how to deal with them.

[Ari · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book for new parents or soon to be parents, wondering about technology with their kids. I’m not a big fan of it, so it kind of validated what I was saying all along but it did look at it in detail, with lots of research, which I appreciated. I also appreciated that she explained what she used with her own children and why, it made it more relatable.

[Alisha Mooney · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved, loved, LOVED this book. Borderline obsessed, recommended to every parent, pregnant person or may-become-pregnant person I knew! Following along with Brickman’s journey, especially as the parent of a now 4 month old, I found myself feeling relief that I’m not the only parent going CRAZY about the technology we have in our everyday lives and how, when, where and WHY to incorporate it into our offsprings lives. Brickman dazzled her story with incredible, meticulous research, humor, and an overall “you got this!” attitude. Lots of praise for Sophie Brickman and salute to other parents, guardians and caregivers who are also going through the whirlwind of raising little people!

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot of information in one book. It might be a bit overwhelming for new or expecting parents. However I love the author’s willingness to try and test different products and give honest feedback. I also loved the personal stories.