Rebirth: The Journey of Pregnancy After a Loss

by Joey Miller

A compassionate, comprehensive guide to healing, conception, and pregnancy after loss of a baby--from an expert counselor.

The challenges of having another pregnancy after loss can be extensive from a physical/medical standpoint alone, but no more so than the emotional and psychological hurdles. Therapist and social worker Joey Miller has counseled women and their families on exactly these matters for nearly twenty years. She brings deep compassion, knowledge, and wisdom of both the emotional and physical roller coasters to help women and their partners tackle all the tough issues:

how to talk to your doctor
how to handle the emotional fallout, including dealing with your children, family members, and friends
physical assessments and considerations
how to get the emotional support you need
support for partners/spouses
and more
Other than personal accounts of pregnancy after loss, no other book addresses what to expect when expecting goes horribly wrong...and then beyond. Rebirth provides a road map for that journey. With concrete help navigating the immediate aftermath of tragedy and the difficulties re-acclimating to a very fertile world to the very mixed emotions of grieving while trying to conceive, Rebirth addresses the inconceivable with deep empathy and practical wisdom.

Genres: Parenting

289 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 13, 2020

About the author

MSW LCSW

Reviews

[Panda Incognito · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are very few books about pregnancy loss and early infant death, and those which exist tend to focus on one person's story, or on a general guide to healing. This book is unique in its scope, because it provides counseling advice for the aftermath of loss while also providing information and advice about conceiving again and dealing with the unique challenges of experiencing pregnancy after losing another child. The last chapters also address childbirth, the postpartum period, adjustment to having a new family member, and supporting yourself in the midst of motherhood.

Joey Miller writes out of extensive counseling experience, and her writing reflects a variety of different viewpoints, feelings, and situations. She acknowledges the complexity of loss and different grieving styles, and includes short reflections from a number of different women. These reflection bars sometimes interrupt the flow of the prose, but share unfiltered personal perspectives that reflect the diversity of loss experiences and processing. This book does not push anyone into a mold, but addresses a wide range of different loss types and experiences. This is especially helpful when Miller shares relationship advice for couples, because she respects the uniqueness of every relationship and how differently people can experience and express their grief, even when they are going through the exact same loss.

Miller also addresses challenges related to extended family relationships, friend networks, and dealing with strangers' comments and advice. This book helps validate people's different experiences, and gives them the language and tools that they need to handle issues as they arise. Miller also includes lots of information about dealing with anxiety over pregnancies that follow loss, and has great advice for how parents can navigate health care and communicate well with doctors. Although this book is not a complete guide to pregnancy, Miller covers primary elements of each trimester through the lens of loss, sharing advice and client stories to help mothers feel understood and evaluate how to cope well and get the best care.

This unique and encouraging book is a great option for women who want to conceive again after loss, and it provides practical advice and emotional reassurance. I especially appreciate the message that you will always remember and love the baby that you lost, and that getting pregnant again is not "replacing" that baby or "moving on," no matter what other people assume. This book is honest about the heart-shattering grief and permanent pain inherent in the death of a child, but is full of wise advice, hope, and encouragement. I would recommend this to mothers who want to continue growing their families after loss, and to doctors, family members, and friends who need to understand the unique contours of this experience.

I received a temporary digital copy through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Coralie · Rating 5 out of 5]

39 weeks tomorrow and this journey hasn’t been easy. There has been a lot to navigate since January. I’m thankful for returning to therapy, for time I’ve spent with God, for prayer and frozen Snicker bars. I also can’t recommend this book enough to those who have experienced pregnancy loss and then trying to conceive again. I have never felt more seen and heard, all of my fears, emotions, irrational thinking patterns, need for control, lack of excitement and attachment (still even now this far along) are affirmed and don’t make me feel like there’s something wrong with me and how I’ve been handling this pregnancy. Want to share and again highly recommend to anyone who’s experienced this type of loss and even to spouses and close friends and family members who want perspective and insight.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this, but I had higher expectations for it. Perhaps I just didn't find it as applicable to early pregnancy loss. Really enjoyed the first third to half and appreciated that she did a good job of outlining different reactions or circumstances that could arise as triggers in pregnancy following loss. I found the second half less applicable (she goes through first second and third trimesters, delivery and postpartum stages). I (maybe naively) feel that my pregnancy loss won't have such an impact on future pregnancies and children to the extent that is described here. But, who knows!
Overall, a helpful read. At times I found myself wanting her to go beyond recommending individual therapy and medication and go more into recognizing our negative thought patterns and beginning to address those. I did appreciate her discussion on the difference between fear and worry. That was probably the most memorable takeaway from this book and something I'll likely return to in future pregnancies.

[Bethany · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book deals with pregnancy after infant loss, with all the complex grief and anticipation that goes along with it—not only the physical ramifications but the psychological/emotional ones as well.

However, while a book dealing with the topic is very much needed, Christians should be aware that Miller approaches it from a decidedly secular and also pro-choice angle.

Most of the language in the book deals with the unbearable, unresolved secular tension between fatalism and our desire/need for control; infant loss in particular is described as random lightning strikes. Grief and guilt are at least partly attributed to loss of control, and Miller suggests ways in which parents can reclaim control in some small ways (such as what to do with the deceased baby’s belongings) but does not always recognize the issues with trying to “control” fertility. Her portrayal of infant loss as the worst possible loss is based on her underlying assumptions about children, life, and death. Of note, Chapter 5 also contains repeated f-words in a few testimonials.

For those who are pro-life and for Christians, this book may need supplemental resources or conversations—not only because of the pro-choice stance but especially because of the fatalism/control issues. While it offers excellent insight into families' struggles and fears following tragedy, I'm not actually sure how it could be comforting in any way to read.

[Joey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book would be better entitled “trying again” as its focus is more on trying again after loss and how that then leads into pregnancy after loss and then postpartum after loss.

If you want to cry through an entire book this is the one for you.

There is something so lonely about recurrent miscarriage that to hear others stories of how they’ve gotten through to the other side of it all is so comforting and encouraging to hear.

Currently 14 weeks pregnant with a baby after 5 miscarriages in a row, this pregnancy has felt pretty hopeless.

But this book was a beautiful reminder that women do in fact see the other side of recurrent miscarriage, that rainbow babies do exist.

[Rachelle Mouton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cried my eyes out the whole way through, but it's such a perfect and incredible book for anyone who's lost a child during or after pregnancy. Each chapter is a different stage, beginning with the immediate aftermath of the loss and grief, followed by deciding when to conceive again, each trimester, early postpartum, etc. so it's a book that has relevance long before a subsequent pregnancy. I haven't come across anything that so thoroughly and poignantly captured what it's like to grieve a lost pregnancy while carrying another. I felt so seen reading this and am so grateful for it.

[Johannah Kettell · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think the material covers what you can expect and how to handle difficult situations and emotions surrounding loss well and I’m sure it would be helpful for preparing for and understanding the worst of it (grief, anger, PTSD, ect.) but I felt it focused solely on the negative emotions and I found myself anticipating feeling more anxiety, fear, and anger over future pregnancies than coming away hopeful or with a better foundation of approaching difficult emotions while embracing more joyful ones.

[Veronica Whipple · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very practical & well-grounded approach to the issues that arise with a pregnancy following the loss of a baby or pregnancy. This is not a poetic pick-me-up, but a straightforward acknowledgment of the complicated emotions a bereaved mother can go through when expecting again with advice on how to get through it.

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nice book walking through the stages of pregnancy and what comes up for those with losses previously. I appreciate the different stories and perspectives included since it is complicated. A Nice référence for whatever issue comes up for you.

[Kelli Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Favorite pregnancy after loss book

[Tasha]

This was helpful 😀

[Tara Lewandowski · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book felt like someone holding my hand.

[Colleen Deezy]

¯\_(ツ)_/¯